Very Nice Ways to Say Very Bad Things: An Unusual Book of Euphemisms

by Linda Berdoll

At a loss for words, hockey puck? You can always quote Shakespeare... Or delve into this entertaining compendium of insults and verbal abuse, all couched in language of the most uplifting nature. Filled with common and not-so-common zingers that will both shock you and make you laugh your @$$! off.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Reference, Language, Communication

152 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2003

About the author

NUMBER 4 - The Darcys: New Pleasures

With the success of her latest Pride & Prejudice sequel, The Ruling Passion, Linda has just completed a continuation of their story in The Darcys: New Pleasures:

Even twenty years into their future, Mr. Darcy remains every woman’s ideal. Still darkly handsome, he is a gentleman of vast wealth and exceptional leg. His virility, whilst of considerable note, is not what invites adoration. His true allure is his all-encompassing love for his wife. Indeed, Elizabeth and Darcy’s passion for each other remains steadfast.

There is but one test that stands in the way of the Darcys’ boundless happiness in this latest telling. It is an ordeal familiar to parents through the ages. Their offspring have come of age and are eager to pursue their own love affairs.

Moreover, Elizabeth Darcy, the Mistress of Pemberley, has been overtaken by a peculiar malaise. Her disorder has the entire family in a state of agitation. Darcy is particularly uneasy. Hence, when he learns that his son engaged in a flirtation with a village wench, he reproves him a tad too vehemently.

His pride injured, Geoff flings himself headlong down Calamity Road–in the company of George Wickham’s son.

~~~~~~

In Ms. Berdoll's wildly successful Pride & Prejudice sequels, Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife, Darcy & Elizabeth, and the Ruling Passion, have over 400,000 copies in print. The Ruling Passion has been given the Independent Publisher's Gold Award 2012 for Historical fiction. Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife (2004) won FOREWORD MAGAZINE BOOK OF THE YEAR Silver Award, and Darcy & Elizabeth, winner of INDEPENDENT PUBLISHER’S BOOK AWARDS - 1st Place HISTORICAL FICTION 2007.

New Pleasures is now available in soft cover on Linda's website www.lindaberdoll.us, in digital and paperback on Amazon and BN.com. Her books are on the shelves of Barnes & Noble and available to order through bookstores large and small.

Review for The Ruling Passion From Austenprose.com
Best-selling author Linda Berdoll's Mr. Darcy Takes A Wife and Darcy & Elizabeth have been hailed as "sexy, hilarious, poignant" and "wild, bawdy and utterly enjoyable (Booklist.)" The Ruling Passion, her highly anticipated sequel to the sequels, has finally come to fruition... If your sensibilities are offended by explicit, passionate love scenes with Jane Austen's original namesakes, this is presumably NOT the book for you. However, those who delight in reading about the Darcys beyond Pride and Prejudice, including all their complexities, and intimacies, (in and around the bedroom), and most particularly if you are a fan of Berdoll's previous works, The Ruling Passion is not to be missed! Yes, hold on to your bonnets as Linda Berdoll has quite done it again. Christina Boyd 4.5 of 5 stars

In a change of pace from her Jane Austen sequels, Linda released Fandango in 2010. This tale takes place in 19th C. San Francisco. In this entirely original work, our heroine, young Annabella Chase comes to learn that it's one thing to go asking for trouble, quite another to offer it a chair.

While researching her Pride & Prejudice sequels, she collected a vast store of euphemistic grandiloquence and wove it into a small gift book titled Very Nice Ways to Say Very Bad Things.

Reviews

[Beth · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had its moments, but I wished it could have been more. The author (who weirdly kept using "we" and "us" instead of "I" and "me") just listed different ways to refer to cuss words, sex, drinking, etc. I guess I was hoping for a book that explained WHY people referred to vomiting as "going to Europe with Ralph and Earl in a Buick," but alas, it was mostly just lists. I think an article on Buzzfeed would have been more effective than this book. Some of the limericks were pretty great, but in the end, I was left wanting.

[hissi · Rating 3 out of 5]

i personally think this is a great book if u want to insult people without knowing, or in a more sophisticated way.. thus, taking your abusive remarks to a whole new level. ( a higher one i presume)
the book wasn't bad at all.. but i stopped reading the last few chapters of the page..
due to two reasons:
1- i had no one in mind that i wanted to insult..
2- the bad remarks and name calling are in a really endless list that, even if i read them all. i wouldn't have remembered them at all when i needed them

i read the book for amusement purposes and it did serve its purpose.. as it was delightfully fun with pictures, quotes, poetry and such.

i would recommend this to anyone, above the age of 16 of course.

[Fluffychick · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not what I expected. Could have been full of witty put downs, but was a tired catalogue of rude words, which were unsurprising. Also a shame it completely missed the point of some terms used in the UK.

[Tina Denson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I laughed!!! I knew most of these, I really have a dirty mind and a potty mouth.

[Linda · Rating 1 out of 5]

Awful book! I read the first chapter, skimmed the second chapter, and then was done with the book. Not uplifting, funny or good at all, at least not in my opinion. It counts toward a type of book I need to read in my book challenge, so that is why I "read" it. Would not give it any stars if I could.

[Kat · Rating 1 out of 5]

Just not as cute, funny, witty or interesting as I was hoping. Could have been very cool, but no.

[Monica · Rating 1 out of 5]

There are a few nice finds in this book, but on the whole I found it a bit disappointing.

[Bethany · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really needed a break from anything super emotional, so I picked this up. AND I LAUGHED and LAUGHED and LAUGHED to the point where coworkers came in and then they LAUGHED and LAUGHED and LAUGHED. Towards the end it gets a little more graphic sexually than I'm comfortable with, but it was still fun to see what things were called previously. I wrote down the insults I like best and am definitely going to be using some of them. Also, great things to say around little kids who will have absolutely no idea what you're saying. A funny, quick, read to reference when you want to tell someone to take a long walk off a short pier.

[Kate · Rating 1 out of 5]

"Welcome to a world of truly polite ways to say the worst.

"Euphemisms serve a greater purpose than merely keeping the ladies at a garden party from glaring at us over the top of their spectacles. A few mincing words can keep lawyers at bay. This subtle art of the insult can exact revenge without fear of retribution.

"Very Nice Ways to Say Very Bad Things is also chock full of obscure facts about common terms. It will be impossible for readers to find a page that doesn't enlighten or delight.
~~back cover

It wasn't impossible, it was very possible, on every page to find that it didn't enlighten nor delight.

[Misty · Rating 2 out of 5]

I learned some useful euphemisms and got a few laughs out of the book. For the most part, though, the book wasn't very well edited, some of the definitions and translations weren't exactly correct, and it tried too hard to be funny. Also, the eBook edition that I read was terribly formatted. It was a bit of a mess to read. I'm not docking the book any points in my review for that since it might not be its fault, but I thought it was worth noting.

[Walt · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually rather enjoyed this book. As a combination of alternate ways of saying things to people (often without them understanding exactly what you are implying) and as a history of various sayings this book excels. Berdoll got a little lazy the last few chapters and spent more time listing the euphemisms than discussing them but otherwise the book is well written and witty.

[Lynne Robson]

Fantastic

Loved this it has some really great saying in it like the ugly free and now technicians would say a bloke would have a little duck lol.

[An · Rating 1 out of 5]

I expected more explanations about the origins, sociohistorical context, etc.

[The Kawaii Slartibartfast · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was ridiculously funny to me. All the bizarre euphemistic ways to insult somebody. English is a wild language, my friends!

[Debbie J · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was enjoying Very Nice Ways to Say Very Bad Things until author Linda Berdoll deemed it necessary to make a crude remark about Asian women’s anatomy. In an otherwise straightforward work the reference came from nowhere and landed as plain racist, in my view, even if she intended it as a joke.

Also surprising, a certain slang expression for "condom" doesn’t appear. Perhaps the term seems dated but Berdoll has collected here numerous euphemisms from centuries past, not just years or decades.

Additionally, Berdoll provides a spreadsheet of adjectives and nouns the reader can combine to create ad hoc sex descriptions. The table amused me in how simple and effective it is to use. Professional writers have likely applied a similar device to avoid trite phrases.

[Derek Walsh · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is little more than a string of euphemisms and dysphemisms strung together with some public-domain illustrations. It's mildly entertaining at times and there are a few funny expressions I'd never heard but it's not a patch on Roger's Profanisaurus: The Ultimate Swearing Dictionary, a book in a somewhat similar vein that isn't hampered by any pretensions to sophistication.

[George Wani · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book in a class of it's own in that you can't quite satisfactorily place it's genre.
It helps shade some lights in a lot of phases that no one knows exactly how they came about and also offers a bag more of alternates. It does exactly what the box says it does "a Very Nice Ways to Say Very Bad Things"...but in a funny and a less discernible way that might easily pass for smart, i see little in it's practical use but every bit good for entertainment

[Zyriel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short. Worth reading. I found a few words I'd read in books previously and misinterpreted. I felt like a lot of modern terms were left out while some apparently modern terms that don't really seem popular were added in.

[Marsha Altman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not a lot of useful historical information, which is what I thought it would be full of.

[Toni · Rating 2 out of 5]

Could be interesting to some, but it really didn't hold my attention. There were a few decent one-liners, but really nothing I hadn't heard before.

[Patricia · Rating 4 out of 5]

So far this book is hilarious, I am truly learning some great insults, as if I didnt have enough already, for all those foul, undigested, lumps of donkey entrails.

[Jennifer Daniel · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am a little concerned at what passes for "nice" these days. It was essentially a dirty word thesaurus. If that is what you're looking for then consider yourself *&%?@$& lucky!

[Sophia · Rating 2 out of 5]

i prefered the first several chapters so much more... just my taste but i found them more humorous.

[Beth F · Rating 2 out of 5]

The title is the best part of this book.

As for the rest, yes, it was often funny, but it was also quite boring. Who knew that was even possible???

[Kevin Farrell · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was OK but not one that you must read before you die. Some of it was entertaining.

[Molly Lusk · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book amusing. In some places it was somewhat crass, but overall I liked it.

[Janet Jay · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not enough I didn't know to justify reading more than 1/4, esp. on an ereader.

[Sarah Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ha Ha, way too funny! Would be nice to remember all of these.

[Specialk · Rating 4 out of 5]

This took no time and was hilarious!

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Move over Shakespearean insult mug. This book introduces a vast lyrical array of ways we could be employing adjectives and nouns. It also breaks things down etymologically. Love that.