Who Are You Calling a Widow?: A Journey of Love, Loss, and Self-Discovery

by Andrea Perez

In 2010, Andrea’s husband, Sergeant Edward Bolen, died in combat in Afghanistan when she was just twenty-five years old. From the moment the two soldiers arrived at her doorstep with the devastating news, to the struggles of the following months and years, she shares frankly about the raw pain of losing not only her husband but herself. She learned the hard way that if given the chance, grief takes and takes until you become little more than the labels cast upon you. She wasn’t Andrea anymore. She was the Widow. Her story is more than a tale of the emotional imprisonment of grief and the devastating price of lost innocence. It is a testament to rebuilding a broken life, and a message of hope for those who are as lost as she once was. She found healing, acceptance, and love, and discovered her own enduring well of strength.

Genres: Nonfiction

253 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 4, 2019

About the author

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Reviews

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

I could relate in so many ways to the author's grief journey. Although my husband was not in the military, I lost him suddenly and unexpectedly, and now I am faced with an unknown future having to raise our daughter on my own. Andrea is lucky to have wonderful family support, and she does not shy away from the horribly insensitive things people can say or do when interacting with those who have experienced traumatic loss. Our society is not very grief literate, and although most people may have the best of intentions, it is important to allow people to process their loss on their own terms without judgment. Andrea's love story with her first husband Eddie is beautiful, and it really highlights how painful his death at such a young age would have been for her. She is very introspective and aware of the roller coaster of emotions she is forced to grapple with after receiving the news every military spouse dreads. Andrea recognizes she needs to create boundaries as she tries to rebuild her life surrounded by those who truly have her best interests at heart. Her memoir is not only a wonderful tribute to Eddie and the love they shared, but it is also an inspiring testament to her resilience and strength to find purpose again and create a new fulfilling life.

[Morning Cup of Translatte · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can imagine how hard it can be to write about such personal experience as death of a close person. Andrea Perez who had to overcome such a devastating loss in her life decided to channel her grief and despair into writing a book. A book, which, for her, could be a kind of a therapy, a book, which can give support and encouragement to other people in a similar situation but above all, a book that honours and commemorates life and death in Afghanistan of Sergeant Edward Bolen - a soldier, a young man, a husband and a son.
I liked "Who are you calling a widow?" because it's honest. It gives readers a very emotional account of a difficult journey a person must overcome after a devastating loss. A journey to find yourself again, to be able to live your new, different life again. The book is also important for another reason - people who know someone who lost their loved ones often don't know how to approach that person, what to say, what to do... so they retreat. The book gives us some hints to consider.
Andrea's narration really keeps you interested, she wrote this story in a very skilful way and I hope she's going to continue her journey as a writer. I definitely recommend you this book.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw, emotional, heartwarming read. To the extent that one can put down in words the devastating loss of a loved one so early in life while protecting this country was overwhelming at best. Andrea Perez touches your heart while describing what she encountered in the days after losing her soul mate, her husband ... the strength of their love prior to marriage and the horrific days that followed shortly after that blissful day. What was difficult to read at first leaves you believing there is always healing and always a second chance at life, if you choose to take it.

[Marty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Memoir

Andrea did a great job writing " who are you calling a widow " . Her journey is written into a beautiful story she fell in love with Eddie who was on the Military, life turned upside down when was hit by a IED on his second tour in Afghanistan. Family, Friends were their to support her not pressuring, providing hugs in time of need. This book is rollercoaster happy, love, sad, ok and happy this book will blow your mind

[Norma Netzow]

Andrea has done an excellent job of describing her ordeal of losing her husband in the war. Truly a heartwrenching book to read. It truly takes you from the darkest point that a death leaves a person in to her final climb out of the depths. An excellent read for all of us who know someone who has a loved one at the front and the sacrifices the entire family endures upon a loss.

[Patricia Wood · Rating 5 out of 5]

GREAT BOOK

This was such a good book, I'm not good at reviews but just know I would highly recommend it, being a military wife would not be easy, losing a husband would definitely not be easy, I cried reading her story, it's a book I'll keep saved on my device and read it again

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book in three hours and ugly cried through the entire first half.

Andrea tells her story with aplomb and raw honesty. I felt like I was experiencing what she went through, and reading this made me appreciate our service members and their spouses even more.

[Meghan Bouren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Andrea told her story beautifully and eloquently. I could not stop reading! I cried, I smiled and am incredibly proud to call the author a friend.

[Meaghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A perfect reminder that with strong love, supportive friends, determination, signs from above, and staying true to yourself, it’s possible to remember and cherish the past, while still feeling alive and having the ability to love and laugh. The author opened my eyes, helping me to recognize how words and actions can mean all the difference for a person experiencing a heartbreaking loss. Pure emotion was felt on every page. I laughed, I cried my eyes out, and I was rooting for her every step of the way. This book has inspired me to honor and remember our service men and women and their families. Thank you for your service Sgt. Bolen. Slainte!

[frank campirides · Rating 5 out of 5]

Andrea is an excellent writer. She captures her readers and lets them take a look inside her soul. I fell in love with Eddie at the beginning and vividly saw his beautiful smile. Then I experienced Andrea’s loss as my heart fell into the pit of my stomach. Her words paint a picture but more importantly share her emotions as I hung on every word. The pain of her grief and loss penetrated my entire being. I was in awe of her strength in the midst of her despair. I reveled at her ability to rise from the ashes with the help of her family, friends and one person in particular. MLC

[Antonia Spano]

As a self-proclaimed bibliophile, I’ve read a lot of books. It takes a lot to make me cry, and very few books have accomplished that. Andrea manages to earn her way onto that cherished list multiple times throughout her book. Her first-person POV forces you to feel everything she feels, cry when she cries, and laugh when she laughs.

It shows what military families go through, which civilian families don’t always understand. We’re so lucky to have people like Eddie who are willing to protect us at all costs. I’m so thankful that Andrea wrote down her story!

[Cblorusso · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very eye opening! You don’t realize what you may think it’s a kind and positive gesture isn’t for the person who is hurting. A well written memoir! We can all walk away with a life lesson from this book

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing story of grief and courage

This story was truly beautiful. It captured the love and loss in a poignant manner. As the author states each person's grief is different but her well written story carried us along her journey.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

How beautifully written, it felt like Andrea was having a conversation directly with me. My heart physically hurt many times as she travelled through her grief. A heartwarming true story about love, loss, family and friendship.

[Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written. Andrea is a beacon of light and inspiration to us all.