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Making the Transition: Accepting who you are to Being who you are
This book is a guide for transgender women. It includes firsthand experience from accepting who you are to becoming who you are. What gives me any authority to speak on behalf of transgender women you may be asking, well, I am a transgender woman and lesbian.There are many books out there that speak of what it means to be transgender, or what it is like to live with a mental illness. But there is one problem that most of those books have in common. They are written by people who have never lived a day of their lives being transgender or having the mental illnesses they speak of.You will find information ranging from coming out to what surgeries are available. What to do should your child come to you for help. Serious talk about mental health issues including ones I personally deal with every day, and others that you may face at some point in your life. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget about you trans men out there. There is plenty of information throughout this book you may find useful including but not limited to; hormone replacement therapy, where to start your transition, surgeries and much more.And for any of you that still have questions I have included multiple, creditable, websites to go to for more information.
115 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 4, 2020
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August 7, 2021
Emily Shaw presents a slew of issues in making a transition through their gender journey. There is a good deal of information given about including mental health, gender dysphoria, acceptance, coming out, choosing to transition, living a year as your gender as a preliminary for medical treatment,^ starting to transition, getting hormone treatment, choosing gender affirming surgery, a variety of surgeries, issues faced with surgeries, detransitioning, being who you are, and a number of questions to consider followed by a conclusion.
The following are comments on parts of the text retrieve from my notes while I was reading. Numbers in brackets [] refer to are Kindle locations.
[91] “Start living as your preferred gender.” I think the use of preferred is incorrect when used for someone’s gender identity (names or pronouns for that matter). We don’t prefer our gender we are our gender. I do not prefer being a woman I am a woman. Having lived in both roles, I do prefer my life as a woman over that of a man (which inside I never was).
[248] “People who do not have a mental illness will never know what we go through. Even the professionals who give us our diagnoses don’t know what we truly go through. And the truth of the matter is, is that unless you have the same mental illness as someone else, no one will ever understand.” Even then, each persons’ experience is their own. But, it can be helpful to talk with others who share a similar experience and sharing it one to one or in a group setting.
[343] “There are any number of things you can do to help ease your anxiety. You just need to find the one(s) which work for you.” In my experience using cognitive behavior techniques was very helpful in overcoming my anxiety. While I do not like it personally, practices like mindfulness has been shown to help.
[477] “At some point, in every transgender person’s life, they have self-harmed. Whether you realized that you have or not.” This is not true. I say this with the understanding that self-harm is consider as physical self-harm. Even in terms of mental self-harm this is not true either. However, self-harm unfortunately appears to be common, especially among younger individuals.
[479] “You see, self-harm doesn’t always take the form of physically harming yourself. The first form of self-harm that all transgender people do to themselves is by being in the closet.” This is also false. Some people and I know a few personally successfully stay in the closet. This is because not everyone needs to transition, although most I feel would wish to if given the opportunity.
[661] “Will having surgery make it all go away? It may or may not. I mean, even after having my surgeries I still experience dysphoria. It seems that once you have it you always have it. You find a fix for one part of your body and once you make it better, you automatically find something else that you don’t like. Unfortunately, that’s just the way the mind works.” This may not be true of everything. She continually writes as if her own struggles are universal. For myself dysphoria can be like a whack a mole. I work to solve it in one way, and it pops up again. But, some of my dysphorias I have indeed solved. So for me it is a mixed bag. Who knows how the mind works.
[667] “Accepting yourself can be one of the hardest parts of the whole process. Even harder than coming out itself. But it is a necessary step in order to move forward. If you can’t even accept yourself, then how can you expect others to?” I personally disagree. Acceptance for me once I knew I was a woman was easy. Coming out and the other aspects of transitioning took and is taking a lot work. Hell it took me a good 6 month to get my makeup down; I can still feel frustrated with the slightest mistake. Acceptance was instant. However, I do not wish to make light of how hard acceptance is; I know a good many other transgender people who either struggle or struggled with it. I am just saying it is not universal.
[740] “I feel confident to say that I think all transgender people feel depression before they hit the acceptance stage. I know I sure did.” Again she is basing this on her own experience. While common, it is not universal among transgender individuals.
[1031] “This means finding a doctor who is familiar with and know how to correctly monitor your hormone levels according to the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH). This is the association that allows your doctors, psychiatrists and surgeons to do what they do. And do it correctly.” It is also the source of unwanted gatekeeping. All they should need to proceed is your informed consent after a doctor discusses the benefits and risks, which you would probably know anyway, but maybe not the risk part. A lot of online web pages only cover the benefits. Even books can skate over the risk. When I had my first appointment I did not know there could be problems with high prolactin levels and possible pancreatitis. Personally a doctor is just lazy if he/she/they wants you to be informed prior to a consultation with her/him/them. [Warning – it is necessary to get proper treatment by a qualified doctor. I am just saying the gatekeeping process is not needed if the doctor does his/her/their job of providing you with all the correct information before you give consent.] Therapy should be used for helping a person deal with the feelings associate with acceptance and transitioning, not as a gatekeeping tools of medical providers.
[1062] In her list of changes to expect when beginning hormone treatment she states: “Decreased facial and body hair growth. This will begin six to 12 months after treatment. The maximum effect will occur within three years.” This is not exactly accurate. It usually does not lessen facial hair all that much. And, body hair is variable, but so are much of the effects in hormone treatment.
[1201] “Trans men may have it easier when it comes to hormone replacement therapy . . .” I see it as a trade off. Transgender men get the benefit of lower voice pitch and a good many experience bread growth. It does not reduce the hips, and surgery is necessary to remove their breasts. Transgender women have to go to voice training to deal with their voice, and facial hair is not reduced much as many seek electrolysis or laser removal, but they do get breast development, not enough for some.
[1233] In regards to making a decision to transition Shaw suggests a “pros” and “cons” list. I wholeheartedly agree, but would add to make it a weighted list. This is giving numerical values to each item as somethings are much more important or serious. I did and it helped a lot in my decision to move on with my transition (I had actually decided to transition before this).
[1285] She cautions that voice surgery “success is not guaranteed . . .” Not to mention it can actually do damage like making your voice sound gravelly or even lose your voice altogether.
[1439] “This is a huge step in becoming the real you.” I was never imaginary. Maybe, swept my gender under the rug, but I was as real as I am now.
[1812] “You can use the book as fire starter, or to fix a wobbly table or some shit. I don’t really care.” No you get a review.
Besides my many quibbles, it had some good suggestions and information of transgender transitioning. My biggest critique is probably that she writes as if —since it was my experience it must be everyone’s. She is not alone in this. At least several books I have also read have the same flaw. They are mostly younger authors, but I do know of at least one or two that are much older.
Still if you thinking about transitioning, the book could be a help. But like any book you might read on transitioning don’t rely on it as a sole source of information or advice. When it comes to anything medical seek professional knowledge, such as calling a doctor or going to a transgender health center (online or in person). Some are more informative than others.
^ As a gatekeeping procedure this is becoming less of a prerequisite. The author also is describing her experience transitioning in Canada, which has its differences.
The following are comments on parts of the text retrieve from my notes while I was reading. Numbers in brackets [] refer to are Kindle locations.
[91] “Start living as your preferred gender.” I think the use of preferred is incorrect when used for someone’s gender identity (names or pronouns for that matter). We don’t prefer our gender we are our gender. I do not prefer being a woman I am a woman. Having lived in both roles, I do prefer my life as a woman over that of a man (which inside I never was).
[248] “People who do not have a mental illness will never know what we go through. Even the professionals who give us our diagnoses don’t know what we truly go through. And the truth of the matter is, is that unless you have the same mental illness as someone else, no one will ever understand.” Even then, each persons’ experience is their own. But, it can be helpful to talk with others who share a similar experience and sharing it one to one or in a group setting.
[343] “There are any number of things you can do to help ease your anxiety. You just need to find the one(s) which work for you.” In my experience using cognitive behavior techniques was very helpful in overcoming my anxiety. While I do not like it personally, practices like mindfulness has been shown to help.
[477] “At some point, in every transgender person’s life, they have self-harmed. Whether you realized that you have or not.” This is not true. I say this with the understanding that self-harm is consider as physical self-harm. Even in terms of mental self-harm this is not true either. However, self-harm unfortunately appears to be common, especially among younger individuals.
[479] “You see, self-harm doesn’t always take the form of physically harming yourself. The first form of self-harm that all transgender people do to themselves is by being in the closet.” This is also false. Some people and I know a few personally successfully stay in the closet. This is because not everyone needs to transition, although most I feel would wish to if given the opportunity.
[661] “Will having surgery make it all go away? It may or may not. I mean, even after having my surgeries I still experience dysphoria. It seems that once you have it you always have it. You find a fix for one part of your body and once you make it better, you automatically find something else that you don’t like. Unfortunately, that’s just the way the mind works.” This may not be true of everything. She continually writes as if her own struggles are universal. For myself dysphoria can be like a whack a mole. I work to solve it in one way, and it pops up again. But, some of my dysphorias I have indeed solved. So for me it is a mixed bag. Who knows how the mind works.
[667] “Accepting yourself can be one of the hardest parts of the whole process. Even harder than coming out itself. But it is a necessary step in order to move forward. If you can’t even accept yourself, then how can you expect others to?” I personally disagree. Acceptance for me once I knew I was a woman was easy. Coming out and the other aspects of transitioning took and is taking a lot work. Hell it took me a good 6 month to get my makeup down; I can still feel frustrated with the slightest mistake. Acceptance was instant. However, I do not wish to make light of how hard acceptance is; I know a good many other transgender people who either struggle or struggled with it. I am just saying it is not universal.
[740] “I feel confident to say that I think all transgender people feel depression before they hit the acceptance stage. I know I sure did.” Again she is basing this on her own experience. While common, it is not universal among transgender individuals.
[1031] “This means finding a doctor who is familiar with and know how to correctly monitor your hormone levels according to the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH). This is the association that allows your doctors, psychiatrists and surgeons to do what they do. And do it correctly.” It is also the source of unwanted gatekeeping. All they should need to proceed is your informed consent after a doctor discusses the benefits and risks, which you would probably know anyway, but maybe not the risk part. A lot of online web pages only cover the benefits. Even books can skate over the risk. When I had my first appointment I did not know there could be problems with high prolactin levels and possible pancreatitis. Personally a doctor is just lazy if he/she/they wants you to be informed prior to a consultation with her/him/them. [Warning – it is necessary to get proper treatment by a qualified doctor. I am just saying the gatekeeping process is not needed if the doctor does his/her/their job of providing you with all the correct information before you give consent.] Therapy should be used for helping a person deal with the feelings associate with acceptance and transitioning, not as a gatekeeping tools of medical providers.
[1062] In her list of changes to expect when beginning hormone treatment she states: “Decreased facial and body hair growth. This will begin six to 12 months after treatment. The maximum effect will occur within three years.” This is not exactly accurate. It usually does not lessen facial hair all that much. And, body hair is variable, but so are much of the effects in hormone treatment.
[1201] “Trans men may have it easier when it comes to hormone replacement therapy . . .” I see it as a trade off. Transgender men get the benefit of lower voice pitch and a good many experience bread growth. It does not reduce the hips, and surgery is necessary to remove their breasts. Transgender women have to go to voice training to deal with their voice, and facial hair is not reduced much as many seek electrolysis or laser removal, but they do get breast development, not enough for some.
[1233] In regards to making a decision to transition Shaw suggests a “pros” and “cons” list. I wholeheartedly agree, but would add to make it a weighted list. This is giving numerical values to each item as somethings are much more important or serious. I did and it helped a lot in my decision to move on with my transition (I had actually decided to transition before this).
[1285] She cautions that voice surgery “success is not guaranteed . . .” Not to mention it can actually do damage like making your voice sound gravelly or even lose your voice altogether.
[1439] “This is a huge step in becoming the real you.” I was never imaginary. Maybe, swept my gender under the rug, but I was as real as I am now.
[1812] “You can use the book as fire starter, or to fix a wobbly table or some shit. I don’t really care.” No you get a review.
Besides my many quibbles, it had some good suggestions and information of transgender transitioning. My biggest critique is probably that she writes as if —since it was my experience it must be everyone’s. She is not alone in this. At least several books I have also read have the same flaw. They are mostly younger authors, but I do know of at least one or two that are much older.
Still if you thinking about transitioning, the book could be a help. But like any book you might read on transitioning don’t rely on it as a sole source of information or advice. When it comes to anything medical seek professional knowledge, such as calling a doctor or going to a transgender health center (online or in person). Some are more informative than others.
^ As a gatekeeping procedure this is becoming less of a prerequisite. The author also is describing her experience transitioning in Canada, which has its differences.
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