Screen Kids: 5 Relational Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World

by Gary Chapman, Arlene Pellicane

Has Technology Taken Over Your Home? In this digital age, children spend more time interacting with screens and less time playing outside, reading a book, or interacting with family. Though technology has its benefits, it also has its harms. In Screen Kids Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane will empower you with the tools you need to make positive changes. Through stories, science, and wisdom, you’ll discover how to take back your home from an overdependence on screens. Plus, you’ll learn to teach the five A+ skills that every child needs to affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention. Learn how This newly revised edition features the latest research and interactive assessments, so you can best confront the issues technology create in your home. Now is the time to equip your child with a healthy relationship with screens and an even healthier relationship with others.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Technology, Education, Christian, Childrens, Faith

208 pages, Paperback

Published October 6, 2020

About the author

Gary Demonte Chapman is an American author and radio talk show host. Chapman is most noted for his The Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships.

Reviews

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Screen Kids” is the book I didn’t know I needed. But after reading it, I know we need to make technology-related changes in our household.

That is, if we want our sanity back.

The reason being is that our 7-year-old son is of the age where screens are what “light him up.” He’s got more access to screens than ever. Thanks to our pandemic stay-at-home orders, hot summer weather and distance learning. Then, of course, when we try to limit his screen time, all hell breaks loose. He’s got ALLLLLL the emotions and negative behavior. Anger, sadness, backtalk, etc. His room is a mess and he doesn't do his chores without a struggle. Some days I want to rip out every cord and disable the WIFI.

Does your child have too much screen time?
Is your child addicted to video games?

"Screen Kids" will help you answer those questions.

In it, authors Arlene Pellicane and Gary Chapman (The 5 Love Languages) share new NIH research. So this is a follow-up to their first book: “Growing up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-driven World.” The data helps us connect the dots between screen time, brain behavior and relationships.

We're giving our kids a drug and it affects their brain as if they were on cocaine. Grrrrrrrreat!

"Screen Kids" is in a digestible format that you can read in one sitting. I definitely recommend it if you have one or more kids aged 0 to 25. The only downside, for me, is all of the Christian-based references. But I just skipped through those parts.

Technology equals connection, but it’s a double-edged sword. Especially for kids (and parents!) who spend too much time staring at a screen. We need to be role models for our kids and many of us, myself included, are not cutting it.


Thank you to NetGalley and Moody Publishers for the electronic copy in exchange for my honest review.

[Audrey Hudson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book! Most of the chapters really hit home. It provided helpful tips with how to deal with too much screen time and gave examples of long term effects, many of which were very frightening! Good read for those with kids!

[Eliana Perry · Rating 5 out of 5]

So helpful! Learned so many new things about how toxic screens can be and how I can decrease my screen time!! Highly recommend, if your trying to get better at not being on screens.

[Hugo Seriese · Rating 4 out of 5]

Goeie lessen, vooral het inzicht dat schermgedrag van onze kinderen ook een mooie segway is naar het onder de loep nemen van je eigen schermgedrag.
En het onderscheid tussen digital junkfood en digital vegetables vond ik wel een goeie: 20 minuten videobellen met een oma die ver weg woont is niet hetzelfde als 20 minuten candybar crush spelen.
Wel vrij veel christelijke opmerkingen ala "je kind zou ipv op zijn mobiel zitten ook lekker de bijbel kunnen zitten lezen" haha

[Jonathan Dauber · Rating 4 out of 5]

As recent additions to the world of parenthood, my wife and I have been proactively searching for ways to protect our son and future children from becoming a self-entitled, overly distracted member of the forthcoming generation. This book introduced several topics and challenges that we will carry with us in the years to come. Solid read!

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was eye opening as a preschool teacher. So much valuable information about how tech impacts children (and adults). Many tips on how to create screen time boundaries in your home. This book is a wonderful resource for anyone who is has influence with children.

[Kristi · Rating 4 out of 5]

My kids are still young, but I thought this book had great tips on how to set healthy boundaries fit technology/screens in your home. It also reminds parents that skills to build up in your children. It’s made me rethink my own screen habits, especially around my children.

[Kaytlynn Magana · Rating 5 out of 5]

A combination of data and practical steps, this book challenged me to think about my screen habits not only for children, but also for myself.

[Nicole Cain · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️

[Christen Fox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Screen Kids: 5 Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World by Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane is a resource that can assist all people in safely navigating the technological world we live in. It is possible to weave technology into your life without having it dictate your life.

Screen Kids may be marketed as a parenting tool but frankly I believe it contains information that is suitable, adaptable and applicable for any human being who is exposed to some form of technology.

Chapman and Pellicane have come together, yet again, as a power-team of writers, parents, and researchers who are also very relatable and practical in their teaching and approach. These authors have collaborated on several other projects. They noticed a lot has changed in the world, specifically in the tech world, since the 2014 release of their book, Growing Up Social. Based on significant research over the last five years, Chapman and Pellicane updated and rebranded Growing Up Social into Screen Kids in hopes to empower families to take back their homes from an overdependence on screens.

Screen Kids is strategically divided into three parts:
1.) Kids on Tech: This section is heavily rooted in research and statistics while examining behavior resulting from tech-use
2.) The A+ Social Skills: This section is the “work” portion of the book that motivates individuals to take action against the negative effects of technology
3.) Restart Your Home: This section ties the previous sections together and encourages personal assessment and application

Screen Kids will encourage you to evaluate personal technology use along with examining how technology is affecting those you love. The A+ Social Skills section is the antidote against technology dependence pr addiction and will teach the reader how to develop the traits of affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention.

This book is raw and real and exposes the gritty truth most people gloss over – technology is taking over our lives and its addictiveness is robbing children of their youth while also stealing precious time, energy and focus/attention away from anyone who uses a screen. We spend so much life behind a screen but screens can never replace authentic emotions or relationships. They can, however, remove empathy and replace it with indifference and loneliness (not to mention other damaging side effects).

Likewise, Screen Kids is interactive by including assessments, challenges, questions, and quizzes that will inspire you to apply what you learn to your daily life. There is a Q&A at the end of the book that is valuable as well – addresses some commonly asked questions targeting struggles you may encounter while implementing the skills taught throughout this book.

One thing I found very refreshing was the constant reminder that what is best isn’t always easy. In fact, several times in this book the authors tell it like it is and recognize it may not be what you want to hear. I really respected their boldness and appreciated their love for the reader’s wellbeing over their “like” for applause, praise or a pat on the back. The truth spoken in love is the only way our souls can receive the nourishment needed to thrive in this world.

There is no doubt that Screen Kids will equip you to take back your home from an overdependence on technology, but you must take the initiative.

[Aurelia Mast-glick · Rating 5 out of 5]

A few years ago, Gary and Arlene wrote a book called, "Growing up Social" on how to raise relational kids in a world dominated by screens. You can read my review about that book here. Now they have written another book, an updated version if you will, because of the increase in screen use over the last few years.

"It's time to treat our kids with more respect and attention than we give our phones. And we must fight for our kids to experience childhood before experiencing devices."

This book is an excellent read for any parent that is concerned about what, if any, effect screens will have on their kids. It's sobering and creates a huge responsibility for me as a mom to create a culture in our home that doesn't place so much attention on screens. I use my phone a lot and, since reading this book, I have been trying to be more intentional about when and how I use my phone. I need to be modeling for my children how to use screen time in an upbuilding way.

This book has also made we realize the importance of Legos and paper books over movies and video games for my children. I want them to be relational children who know how to look people in the eye and to carry a conversation. Screens do not teach them this; rather screens allow them to retreat from people and become recluses instead.

The five skills that every child needs are to be grateful, to control their anger, to apologize in person, to pay attention and to be affectionate.

I just really appreciated this book and would recommend it to anyone who has children.

I received this book from Northfield Publishing and was not required to write a positive review.

[Lorraine Quinlan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really fantastic read. Really informative and made me think twice and also in the same breath be a bit more easier on myself and my kids.

[Kathleen Garber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Disclosure: I received a copy of this book from Moody Publishers in exchange for an honest review.

The back of this book says: “Has Technology Taken Over Your Home?” and the answer for me is YES! I needed this book. I love books by Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane made a great match for him in this book.

First the book talks about how screen time affects the brain, relationships, safety, emotional health and how it related to single parenting especially.

The book doesn’t make you feel bad though. Many books about screen use make you feel bad when they go over why too much is not good. I didn’t feel like that here. I think it was because they give many examples of real life people and their real life screen issues.

The second section is about the five A social skills: affection, appreciation, anger management, apology and attention. These are skills that every kid needs The book talks about how too much screen time can affect these and how to combat this.

There is a Top 10 Questions and Answers section which helps cover some thoughts you might have and at the end there is a quiz to see if your child has too much screen time although I tend to think that most parents know their child has too much screen time. This book helps with how to ease them out of it.

This was an AMAZING book and there is even a Grandparents edition which I think is cool. Highly Recommended.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Screen Kids: 5 Relationship Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech Driven World by Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane, helps parents identify the effects of screens on relationships and make sure their children are equipped for healthy face-to-face relationships in a screen-driven world. The authors seek to equip parents to grow their children in the 5 A’s — affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention. They set out by building a case for the need for these skills by helping parents see the scientifically proven effects of screens on social skills and interpersonal relationships. Next, Chapman and Pellicane encourage parents to teach their children relational skills including powerful and practical tips — simple, but not easy. Yes, it will take hard work, diligence and intentionality, but kids will then be better equipped to take on the world! The authors end with a section of practical how-to’s related to screen safety, screen time, and screen addictions. It’s a practical, well-timed guide for parents who know they need to do something to help their kids relate to people without screens but they’re not sure how or what. Chapman and Pellicane have you covered. Great manual—practical, doable, helpful.

Note: I received a copy of the book from the publishers in exchange for this honest review. The opinions expressed are my own.

[Lauren Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderful new book that is SO timely - with virtual learning a reality for so many of our kids and COVID still limiting out-of-the-house activities, "Screen Kids" by Arlene Pellicane and Dr. Gary Chapman (author of "The 5 Love Languages") is a very timely book to pick up. It's an easy-to-read, quick-page-turning, thoroughly-researched and evidence-supported look at how technology use can be mediated for the benefit of our kids. If you have children still at home - from toddlers to college - this book will resonate with you. Whether it encourages you to take note and refine your own technology habits or make changes to your children's habits (most likely both!), you'll be glad you purchased this one. To be clear, Arlene supports the widely beneficial use of technology in many ways - yet, with this book, she encourages PURPOSEFUL technology choices. It's a fantastic read that will encourage you to make intentional choices about your family's technology use. I was blown away by the scientific studies that are referenced - how excessive screen time is literally changing the biology of our children's brains. It's a must read - you and your children will be glad you did! Oh, and in case your kiddos find "different" rules at grandma's house, there is a version for grandparents, too!  

[Courtney Birkbeck · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been searching and searching for a book just like this but never found it. Now I have. Gary Chapman hit the nail on the head with this book. I love how he makes it clear that this book isn't anti-technology, because I am not. But I also wanted a book that would help me find the balance, give the statistics, give me ideas and encourage me in how I let my children use "screen time" and so on.

I think this book will be encouraging to all parents who have struggled like me, to find a balance. Here we are in a day and age where literally everything is electronic and children in schools, church circles, friend circles, at the park playdates and so on are all talking about "chat with you on Roblox" or "see you on Tiktok" and so much more. It has terrified me some of the messages my son has received on even the xbox.

This book helps parents how to make rules and boundaries, how to help a child have a healthy brain and interaction with screens and things of that sort.

I highly suggest this book to any parent out there that wants to help their child with things like this!

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a helpful and convicting book! There's no denying the research that has been done about the detriments of unstructured and continuous screen time. This book outlines the research about too much screen time, gives advice on social-emotional skills that kids need to have explicitly taught in the time of screen overuse, and ends with cinching advice to parents on how to take next steps to help their families. I loved that this was done from a Christian approach (that could still be useful to anyone), and I could relate and benefit greatly even from a teacher perspective.

The five (A+) social skills outlined in this book are affection, appreciation, anger management, apology and attention. These are all areas of concern I've noticed in students, but I had never fully connected them to gaming, screens, and technology. This book caused me to really reflect on how distracted I have been due to screens and ways I can help be better and teach better.

[Tina Athaide · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gary Chapman's book, Screen Kids, offers a realistic and optimistic perspective on how to thoughtfully guide kids in the digital age. It comes at the perfect time as schools and children are emerging from distance learning, which has doubled and tripled the amount of time our youth spends in front of a screen. Written in an easy and relaxing format, this book hi-lights the importance of setting boundaries when it comes to the time our children and students spend with electronic devices. Chapman states the research behind the views expressed in the book and offers practical ideas and recommendations that all parents and teachers should take into consideration.
I will be purchasing a few copies of this book to add to our parent section of the school library!

Thank you Moody Publishers and NetGalley for the e-ARC.

[Julie H · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is written by the author or the 5 Love Languages, that philosophy comes in but isn't foundational to this book. This book goes through how technology affects children (and adults too) and then social skills that everyone needs to know and have and how technology is preventing these skills from being developed. The last section gives great ideas on what to do now. The authors don't gloss over the fact that this is difficult, it's the opposite of what the world is saying/doing. It isn't easy to hear and isn't easy to do. This was first published many years ago and now been republished with a new title and some updated information. It is especially important now during the COVID-19 global pandemic when screen time is up for so many children. It is how we are doing school and connecting with loved ones. It is important even during a pandemic to limit the time children spend with technology.

I received a copy of this book from Moody Publishers in exchange for an honest review.

[Alley W. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Screen Kids is a book for any parent or guardian looking for answers on how to combat the epidemic of children being addicted to screens. This book is perfect for offering solutions to how to minimize screen usage in your children’s daily lives. It is not an anti-tech book but offers helpful solutions on how to help kids manage the time they spend on screens. I love how the book uses a number of scientific studies and data to help the reader understand the dangers of screens and how they affect a developing brain. Also included are solutions that also incorporate the love languages that Gary Chapman has written about in various books. Overall this book does a great job of giving parents real world solutions to help our kids take a step back from screens and enjoy the world around them.

[Helen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was a very practical guide to helping parents to navigate through the issues of being bought up in a 'screen dominant environment'.
I felt that it was a good balance between how to approach tackling problems involving children and also how it is also desirable to look at our own behaviours and what we are modelling for our children.
Be aware that there are mentions of God and Christian life. This was fine for me but may be worth noting if recommending to those who do not come from a faith background or wouldn't want a faith mentioned in any way. It doesn't detract from the core message at all, just something to be aware of.
With thanks to the Publishers and Net Galley for the ARC to review.

[Juan Laureano · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm a big fan of Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane because their materials, articles, podcast, etc are so relevant to today's society.

This book, "Screen Kids" comes across with so much new information that has been gathered from the children that have grown up with technology in their homes and those that are continuing to grow with it. The information is relevant and important to know as our society continues to develop more ways of getting tech into our lives. I especially appreciate them listing ways we as parents can protect our children with simple, practical limitations and activities. This is one book I will be gifting to others and re-reading to stay focused.

I highly recommend this book to be included in anyone's library.

[Melanie Mead · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellent and easy to read book. The first part is about the dangerous effects that screen usage is having on our children's brains, their relationships, their safety and their emotional health. Very eye-opening. The second part outlines 5 skills that we need to help our children develop in light of the increasingly screen dominating world that they live in. I found the book very practical. It motivated me as a parent to address some of the issues that the book highlighted and put some more practical boundaries in place to guard against some of the dangers we all face from screen usage (parents and kids!).

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a wonderful guide for parents to help navigate the technological world we currently live in. The authors use many studies and examples to show how important it is for the parent to help direct technology use in the home, starting with their own example. They lay out the steps of how to do this, whether the home is a two parent, single parent, or they have young or older children. While some of these factors can make changes more challenging, it is still possible to improve this area of life and grow closer as a family while helping children develop important relational skills. With it's concise and simplified format, this is a invaluable resource for every parent.

[Michelle Castaneda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Screen Kids: 5 Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World by Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane is a wonderful read for parents today. This book presents the research about what too much screen time does to your brain and how that impacts a child's life. It provides a diagnostic to see if your child has a problem. I loved how this book is full of hope and ideas to help your child cope with a life less full of screens. I highly recommend this book to parents today. I received a digital copy of this book from the publisher with no obligations. These opinions are entirely my own.

[Sarah Brewer · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a mom of a 5-year-old screen addict, I jumped at the chance to read this book and share my honest opinion. I have learned statistics that made me cringe, but also motivated me to DO something to prevent future problems for my son AND his father and I. Thanks to the helpful tips in this book, his screen time is now being cut back so that he can be at a healthy level and find other ways to entertain himself that are beneficial for him. "Screen Kids" has practical tools to help you help your kids. Every parent needs to read this book NOW and implement best practices for their family.

[Denisa Ostas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a starting point for any parent who wants to put technology in its place in his family.
First, You can find interesting research and connection between brain, behaviour and screen time in young people. The second part is a guideline of skills children should develop so they can manage their own device (affection, appreciation, anger management, apology and attention). The third section and the last one offers some ideas/rules you can use within your home.
I recommend this book for evert modern parent!

[Leanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for providing me with an ARC version of the book in exchange for an honest review.

We're guilty as a family of using a lot of tech and this book was great for suggesting ideas for cutting down on screen time for kids. It does make a lot of sense especially as our focus has decreased in this tech driven society.

I would highly recommend reading this book.

[Leslie Fisher · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a fairly quick read and it offers practical suggestions to break screen dependence. I also like that it acknowledges that there are many benefits we get from technology and screens but the content makes a difference. My favorite reference in the book was to "digital vegetables" and "digital candy." A technology diet made up of mostly (or all) digital candy is not healthy. We need to focus our "digital diet" on "digital vegetables" with only limited "candy."

[Amanda Hopkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an eye opener of a book. This was a lot of what I was already feeling in my heart, but reading it and knowing I am not alone helped. While I loved this book, my kids may have had another feeling about what was changing as I was reading and implementing new ideas into our household. This poor book came to me so beautiful and new, it is now marked and dog eared all the way through! This will be one that I refer back to often!