Yearnings: Embracing the Sacred Messiness of Life

by Irwin Kula

"Irwin Kula shows us how to to live our humanness -- the pleasures and the challenges, the messiness and the triumphs -- with a profound acceptance of our desires and foibles and a joy that can only come from understanding." --Deepak Chopra

"Yearning. After twenty-three years as a rabbi, I can think of no more defining human experience."

Life can be messy and imperfect. We're all looking for answers. And yet, as renowned rabbi Irwin Kula points out, the yearning for answers is no different now than it was in the times that gave rise to Moses, Buddha, and Jesus. Far from being a burden, however, these yearnings can themselves become a path to blessing, prompting questions and insights, resulting in new ways of being and believing. In this, his first book, Rabbi Kula takes us on an excursion into the depths of our desires, applying ancient Jewish tradition to seven of our most wonderful yearnings. Merging ancient wisdom with contemporary insights, Rabbi Kula shows how traditional practices can inform and enrich our own search for meaning. More importantly, he invites us to embrace the messiness and complexities of the human experience in order to fully embrace the endless and glorious project of life.

Genres: Religion, Spirituality, Nonfiction, Judaism, Philosophy, Jewish, Theology

336 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2006

About the author

Expert in Sacred Messiness and Partial Truths, rabbi, think tank president, author of Yearnings, media commentator on culture, politics and spirituality.

Reviews

[Seán Mchugh · Rating 4 out of 5]

God will be what God will be.
P15

"Rabbi, I am a scientist. I must tell you upfront I don't believe in God." These were the words of the Nobel Prize winning physicist Murray Gell-Mann when I was introduced to him at a dinner party. It certainly wasn't the first time I've been treated this way. And my response is always the same, "that's okay. I don't believe in the God you don't believe in either."
...
He laughed when I told him that his rejection made him no different from a fundamentalist who's sure the all-judging God in the sky does exist. What makes them the same? They both have the same definition of God. Behind atheism is a powerful religious impulse.
...
To deny or affirm; both can be holy. To define God is to express a natural human need to make sense of our existence. To envision no God purges religious conception that maybe limiting, holding us back. It's never God or no God; it's which God?
...
Definitions of God should never be confused with God any more than the description of an orange can capture the taste of an orange.

[Amelia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I struggled with what rating to give this book. Some chapters were amazing and powerful and others fell completely flat in my opinion. I'd really give it a 3.5 for that reason. Here's an example of where it was amazing, from the chapter on Messiah-ing, pages 286-287, when he talks about "second naivete" (the last sentence is my favorite):

"First naivete is belief without reflection. We are so enmeshed that we don't see the cultural, historical, literary, social, and psychological forces and experiences out of which our belief arises. There is only one value system, one interpretation, one way that is meaningful and right.

Then there is the stage of critical distancing. We scrutinize and analyze the beliefs we've been taught since childhood: whether it's the parting of the sea or the resurrection. We lose the immediacy of the belief and turn away in what we experience as an act of maturity. Sometimes all hell breaks loose in our families, and we need to break away completely, leaving tradition and spirituality behind.

Then, over time, other disillusionments and disappointments may invite us to a higher level. This is second naivete. We return to our so-called naive ideas and experiences with a new kind of openness, seeking a deeper, more intuitive understanding of life. We appreciate similar, or maybe the same, stories, myths, and insights, but sung to a different melody. We reconnect to what we no longer believe in literally, integrating these visions and understandings into our inner life where they enchant and enrich our world.

Second naivete is naive because it revivifies our past beliefs rather than pushing them away, and it is second because it requires a high tolerance for contradiction and uncertainty. Second naivete is an exquisite paradox. It combines the passion of first naivete with the humility of critical thinking. Skepticism becomes revelatory, and we live "as if." Second naivete is postdeconstruction: After we take reality apart, we put it back together on our own terms. We recover the outlines of the original inspiration. And in an act of what Catholic theologian Hans Kung calls "sacred retrieval," we reconstruct the yearning, the hope, the dream. Second naivete is chosen hopefulness."

[Cyndie Todd · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book right after I got divorced. That was five years ago, and I can't recall exactly what impressed me so much without looking back through the pages, but this book helped me a lot and brought me a lot of peace of mind. I highly recommend it for anyone trying to make sense of a messy life - whether it's yours or someone elses's.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

A well thought-through philosophical examination of how to embrace the chaos inherent in life in order to maximize your joy in the day-to-day. Written from the Jewish perspective, it was fascinating to me to see some of the places where the Christian traditions have deviated from their historical roots. I'll probably read this one again.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

September 2009 review: I loved the title of this book, especially the idea of the "sacred messiness of life." There were parts of this book I loved and related to, and a few parts that I didn't really get, but I suspect that if I reread this book in a few year, I might relate to more of it. And I ended up reading the chapter "Dying for Life" about death and Jewish mourning rituals the same day my great-aunt Jeanette died, which was both strange and appropriate.

January 2014 review: I reread this book with an interfaith women's discussion group. It is worth another read, and this time, the relationships on creativity and relationships really resonated with me.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rabbi Kula is an astute guy, and he has a writing style that makes the reader feel as if he or she could conquer any obstacle in the way. Using modern anecdotes and Hebrew scriptures, he demonstrates humanity's weaknesses as turning points rather than failures. A refreshing and affirming book for the new year! PS--oddly enough, this book recommendation came from a public school newsletter--Props to the social worker who had the guts to put something so strongly spiritual out there.

[Casey · Rating 5 out of 5]

The title of this book says it all. Imagine a spectrum. On one end is “Spiritual” and the other end is “Religious.” If you are of the more “spiritual” leaning, Rabbi Kula speaks your language. You will most likely find yourself nodding along throughout your read. For the more “religious” leaning, you may find some of Rabbi Kula’s ideas and stories a little less comfortable, but still meaningful because the yearnings of which he speaks are true for everyone.

[Scheherenata · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a book read at the right time. The beauty of it probably lies in the fact that it creates the space of the right time for anyone who reads it. The poetic philosophy of the authour is warm and living, demanding and nurishing at the same time. Words cannot descrive my gratitude to Irwin Kula for sharing his insights on life. I shall be embrasing the messingness in mine week by week.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

So far, I am loving this book. Although the subject matter is complex, the book is not. Using real life stories to make points about pretty big concepts, Rabbi Kula teaches lessons without preaching. I'm going through a difficult time, but this book is giving me solace and perspective and forcing me to ask more questions rather than to seek answers. Highly recommended.

[Franklin · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's good to get different perspectives on every day life, and this author offers new insights. I found myself impressed and thinking hard about many of the points made in the book. It definitely improved my life for this short period of time, and helped me embrace the messiness of my life right now.

[LemontreeLime · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had forgotten I had read this when it came out, and came across it again by accident recently. What a great book, this is a keeper.

[Charlene · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't purchase books. I love checking out books from libraries. I engage my imagination in stories of where this book was last, in whose hands it was and wonder, "how did this book change the previous reader's life?

In "Yearnings, Embracing the Sacred Messiness of Life" by Rabbi Irwin Kula, he explores seven fundamental areas: Yearning for Truth, Yearning for Meaning, Yearning for the Way, Yearning for Love, Yearning to Create, Yearning for Happiness, and Yearning for Transcendence. Who among us has not yearned for these things throughout an examined life?

Each section of the book looks closely at these issues. One of the many gifts of this Rabbi is to mesh aspects of traditional wisdom stories, from Torah, from commentary and teachings with everyday struggles in relationships, parenting, in work, and almost every aspect of life.

The beauty of this book is the honesty, the vulnerability of Rabbi Kula as he shares the real life dilemmas he confronts in his life. We can easily put our "teachers" in less than real-life positions. Rabbi Kula demystifies process. He, too, is working through issues, and struggles with the yearnings we all experience.

Personally, I was drawn to the wisdom of the Torah as a result of this book. It has become much more important to me today than yesterday. The people, their challenges, their relationships with God and others made this a cathartic book for me. This book is a life changer. Don't rush the read. Take your time and savor his words. May they come alive for you.

[Ari · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this book as a part of an Elul book group. The author's style and the intensity of the writing do lend themselves to lively discussion, and the book was ideal for Elul reflection. While there were a few places in the book where I had questions about the author's handling of personal situations, overall the book was really quite excellent. Highly quotable, worth the read. This one is potentially better in a group than reading alone.

[Sandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

We idolize “wholeness” and “oneness”, trying to force everyone to be alike, rather than appreciating the unique spark each of us brings to the world. Maybe truth is truly to be found in the messiness of life. “What’s enlivening is not what is similar about us but what is different. There’s no surrendering our differences.” An excellent book, written from. Jewish perspective but can definitely be appreciated by people of any background.

[Azzia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is among my favorites. It helps us make sense of trouble and turmoil, by cultivating a grounded and calm integration of internal and external struggles. The author is honest about the scope of his own emotions and thoughts, and honors them all, so they do not rule him. This is a book with heart, that puts the reader in a reflective and mature space. Enjoy.

[Mehrsa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is just chock full of wisdom and great life advice. I love the connection to ancient scriptures and Jewish ritual and mythos. I learned so much and this is definitely a book I will be coming back to again and again.

[Aleta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this book! The author writes about some tough emotions- ones that are not foreign to any human but are often tough to understand and hold within ourselves- and does it in a quite beautiful way. He writes from a humanistic experience, not from a platform.

[Ann Augustine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is filled with wisdom and led me to reflect upon so many aspects of life. Kula weaves his own experiences and learnings from others into his reflections. I loved it.

[mazal bohbot berrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book inspires me to move past my limitations and toward that long-lost soul mate. Kula observes faith traditionally, but utilizes post-certainty as modal for mind and heart. With a keen wit and generous spirit, Kula has guided me well. In a play review he posted recently Kula said, "I honestly do not know if love vanquishes death as our traditional faiths teach but I do know that our vulnerabilities trump our ideologies and that love leavens the purity and logic of our beliefs propelling us to connect as the fiercely gracious human beings we are." For me, a core value.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love the title of this one and the juxtaposition of sacred and messiness. I found myself marking numerous pages as I explore what faith means to me. Yearnings and Devotion by Dani Shapiro have given me lots to chew on. I'm looking forward to exploring more of what the widsom traditions have to say.

[Asher · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book immensely thought-provoking. A book I'm going to want to buy and re-read. I found much of what Kula said hopeful, especially the encouragement to embrace ambiguity and the messiness of life.

[Diana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am using this as a discussion book for adults at Shir Ami. We are studying it in sections and expect to be finished by April. It has worked well this way but I suspect that on its own, it would be tedious. At various times the class has said "enough".

[Danny · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was a really good book. It looked at many sides of life's unanswerable questions. It was refreshing that the book did not offer any absolute answers. It is a very positive and hopeful read.

[Bobbie N · Rating 3 out of 5]

SUMMARY: Using examples from his own life and
experience, Rabbi Kula applies ancient Jewish wisdom and modern insights to the universal human search for meaning.
COMMENTS: insightful, practical, reflective

[Stacey Palevsky · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book provided so much wisdom without ever being too religious/biblical or preachy. Highly recommended for anyone feeling confused, lost, uncertain or seeking.

[Shanti · Rating 5 out of 5]

So far, I love this book...

[Katie]

I tried several times to read this and couldn't get in to it so I've decided to pass it on to someone else....

[Francine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Half way done with the book. The Rabbi has insight in how our lives are never perfect but rather in each bad or negative thing that happens in our lives can be also positive.

[Marjorie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A learning for all.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing and accessible meditation on life and God. I highly recommend!