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The Mister Rogers Effect: 7 Secrets to Bringing Out the Best in Yourself and Others from America's Beloved Neighbor
In a world increasingly divided by politics and social issues, we need Mister Rogers more than ever. For three decades, his presence was a healing balm to children of all ages. And though he is no longer with us, we can all adopt his attitudes and actions as models for our own lives.
In this uplifting and informative book, Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley shows us how to use the transformative psychological principles that Mister Rogers masterfully employed to make a difference in our own neighborhoods. Principles such as
- listening for discovery
- validating feelings
- preserving white space
- expressing gratitude
- exercising empathy
- practicing radical acceptance
- using expressions of care
Imagine a world where these seven principles guide our interactions with each other. Sound heavenly? Neighborly? It all starts with you.
In this uplifting and informative book, Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley shows us how to use the transformative psychological principles that Mister Rogers masterfully employed to make a difference in our own neighborhoods. Principles such as
- listening for discovery
- validating feelings
- preserving white space
- expressing gratitude
- exercising empathy
- practicing radical acceptance
- using expressions of care
Imagine a world where these seven principles guide our interactions with each other. Sound heavenly? Neighborly? It all starts with you.
208 pages, Paperback
Published September 1, 2020
148 people are currently reading
3066 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 107 reviews
May 25, 2021
When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed.
5 stars:
Let me start off by saying that I never read non-fiction. As in, the last time I picked up a non-fiction title was probably 8 years ago when I read a biography of CS Lewis. And before that, I hadn’t picked up a non-fiction title since college. I never read non-fiction for fun....
HOWEVER, The Mister Rogers Effect is making me think I’ve missed out on a whole lot of quality reading by writing off non-fiction. This book was so good. I binge listened to it (and the narrator was fantastic!) and found myself pausing throughout the book to process what I’d just heard and think about its implications in my life. This book affirmed many of my long held relational beliefs and practices, but also challenged me in areas where I honestly need challenging. As someone who values empathy, white space, and active listening, I think so many people would benefit from reading this book. And as someone who struggles to express gratitude (maybe because it puts you in a vulnerable place and I hate being vulnerable?), I really benefited learning from the way that Mr. Roger’s so effortlessly expressed gratitude.
One of the things I loved about this book is how each chapter ended. The author provided a list of “Key Takeaways” that bullet out the main points of the previous chapter. She then ended each chapter with “A Concept to Contemplate,” which challenged me but ultimately produced much fruit! It helped to apply everything I’d just read to my own life, which I thought was incredibly helpful.
In an age where I think everyone could benefit from a more neighborly world, I think everyone can learn from the way that Mr. Rogers lived his life. If you’re looking for an easy, quick overview of Mr. Roger’s governing principles, I highly, highly recommend this book!
Thanks so much to the author for providing me a copy for review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
January 11, 2021
Although I have never watched the show ‘Mister Rogers’ Neighbourhood’, after reading this book I can pretty well visualize what kind of man Fred Rogers was and what he stands for.
Fred Rogers was the host of ‘Mister Rogers’ Neighbourhood’, which was a television show for kids that focused on establishing a secure environment for children, to educate them in a constructive way, unlike other fast paced and violent tv shows.
The book lays out the psychological principles that Mister Rogers employed for which he was known and loved. I especially liked how understandable the book made the 7 psychological principles by formulating the background theory, providing examples on how Mister Rogers applied it and suggesting how to apply it in your own neighbourhood. The book was particularly strong on explaining the psychological principles to the average person, which makes it an informative book without being a heavy read.
“like bodies of water change the lands they run through over time, we are shaped and impacted by those who love us”
Many more beautiful quotes could be retrieved, but this one is my favorite. We won’t accept the influence from people that do not care about us. The book makes us stand still and think about how we treat others. The little things that seem obvious, but are often forgotten.
The book is most suited for caregivers like parents, teachers, counsellors etc., but I believe that everybody could learn a lesson from Mister Rogers. The novel is an enlightening read that made me reflect on how I treat people in my life. I found myself constantly wanting to share the knowledge I acquired while reading with my family members.
Thank you for the author for gifting me a copy in exchange for an honest review.
Fred Rogers was the host of ‘Mister Rogers’ Neighbourhood’, which was a television show for kids that focused on establishing a secure environment for children, to educate them in a constructive way, unlike other fast paced and violent tv shows.
The book lays out the psychological principles that Mister Rogers employed for which he was known and loved. I especially liked how understandable the book made the 7 psychological principles by formulating the background theory, providing examples on how Mister Rogers applied it and suggesting how to apply it in your own neighbourhood. The book was particularly strong on explaining the psychological principles to the average person, which makes it an informative book without being a heavy read.
“like bodies of water change the lands they run through over time, we are shaped and impacted by those who love us”
Many more beautiful quotes could be retrieved, but this one is my favorite. We won’t accept the influence from people that do not care about us. The book makes us stand still and think about how we treat others. The little things that seem obvious, but are often forgotten.
The book is most suited for caregivers like parents, teachers, counsellors etc., but I believe that everybody could learn a lesson from Mister Rogers. The novel is an enlightening read that made me reflect on how I treat people in my life. I found myself constantly wanting to share the knowledge I acquired while reading with my family members.
Thank you for the author for gifting me a copy in exchange for an honest review.
May 24, 2021
This book was a reminder that kindness is the greatest legacy we can leave behind.
I have to admit, non-fiction books are not my usual go to, but the topic of this book (and the cute colors on the cover) intrigued me. Being Italian, the first thing I did was research who Mr. Rogers was, since I’d never heard of him before. I found a very long Wikipedia page. You know what hit me? There were no mentions of scandals. What I saw was a very long page about a man that did a lot of good for many kids (and grown-ups!) through his television show.
Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley uses what Mr. Rogers has done on his show Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood to discuss seven psychological principles that help create a safe environment and establish a bond of trust within our own “neighborhood.” Not only that, but they also allow room to search within ourselves and grow. Mr. Rogers used these principles interchangeably all the time, making kids feel loved, appreciated, and seen no matter their background or struggles. In her analysis, the author often makes mention of occurrences in which Mr. Rogers interacted with one of his “neighbors”—his viewers, the kids—that were truly heartwarming. I didn’t expect to shed a tear or two while reading a book like this!
This book is a truly informative read that we could all use to understand our community better. It surely helped me analyze myself and it gave me the tools to be a better ally and listener.
Thank you to the author for sending me a copy. Opinions are my own.
I have to admit, non-fiction books are not my usual go to, but the topic of this book (and the cute colors on the cover) intrigued me. Being Italian, the first thing I did was research who Mr. Rogers was, since I’d never heard of him before. I found a very long Wikipedia page. You know what hit me? There were no mentions of scandals. What I saw was a very long page about a man that did a lot of good for many kids (and grown-ups!) through his television show.
Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley uses what Mr. Rogers has done on his show Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood to discuss seven psychological principles that help create a safe environment and establish a bond of trust within our own “neighborhood.” Not only that, but they also allow room to search within ourselves and grow. Mr. Rogers used these principles interchangeably all the time, making kids feel loved, appreciated, and seen no matter their background or struggles. In her analysis, the author often makes mention of occurrences in which Mr. Rogers interacted with one of his “neighbors”—his viewers, the kids—that were truly heartwarming. I didn’t expect to shed a tear or two while reading a book like this!
This book is a truly informative read that we could all use to understand our community better. It surely helped me analyze myself and it gave me the tools to be a better ally and listener.
Thank you to the author for sending me a copy. Opinions are my own.
August 24, 2020
I was one of those kids in the 90's that I loved the Mister Rogers show, that being said I think this book is a treasure. Remembering what he taught on his broadcast showing validation and teaching people like how to actually listen and talk to different people to help them understand and to help you understand them more.
I found this book to be lifting, and calming. The book is beautifully written and an amazing tribute to Mister Rogers. The seven concepts and secrets to be more like Mister Rodgers and bringing out the best of people are:
1. Listen First 2. Validate Feelings 3. Pause and Think 4. Show Gratitude 5. Develop Empathy 6. Practice Acceptance & 7. Establish Security.
There are simple examples like just changing the wording on something you would say, or saying something in a simpler way to help bring out the best in others. I absolutely adored this book and would definitely recommend it.
I found this book to be lifting, and calming. The book is beautifully written and an amazing tribute to Mister Rogers. The seven concepts and secrets to be more like Mister Rodgers and bringing out the best of people are:
1. Listen First 2. Validate Feelings 3. Pause and Think 4. Show Gratitude 5. Develop Empathy 6. Practice Acceptance & 7. Establish Security.
There are simple examples like just changing the wording on something you would say, or saying something in a simpler way to help bring out the best in others. I absolutely adored this book and would definitely recommend it.
May 19, 2021
Thank you so much to the author for sending me The Mister Rogers Effect in exchange for an honest review.
For starters, this is not my go to genre. I am a fantasy girl and I rarely, if ever, pick up nonfiction. However, I adore Mr. Rogers. I don't really believe people are saints, but this man was. So of course I was intrigued instantly about the topic of bettering yourself from the perspective of Fred Rogers.
The three biggest takeaways from this book are as follows:
1. Be an active listener.
2. Validate feelings.
3. Take time to pause and reflect.
Of course Dr. Kuhnley had 7 secrets as to how to better oneself, but these three were the most important. Being an active listener is so very important. It is not enough to just simply be in the same room as someone as they are speaking and nod along absentmindedly. No, people want to know they you care. Being an active listener helps build empathy too, because you can start to understand and acknowledge different people and their situations..
Validating people's feelings is soooo important. If not, people can feel as if what they are saying is unimportant or that they are bugging you. It can start, in my opinion at least, to create anxiety. I often feel like I'm annoying people when I talk about a problem I'm facing, but I'm also fortunate enough to have amazing friends that validate me and listen to what I have to say.
Finally, the last part that really stuck out to me is the idea of pausing to take time to collect your thoughts. Sometimes wait time can come across as awkward, only because as a society, we have deemed it necessary to respond almost immediately what asked a question. This is harmful because it doesn't give us enough time to process and just be alone with our thoughts.
As a teacher, I really appreciated this book. It reminds me that each of my students are different and I don't always know what they need unless I'm willing to listen. Mr. Rogers was such an inspiration to us all and I like that his teaching are still relevant today.
Great book for teachers!
For starters, this is not my go to genre. I am a fantasy girl and I rarely, if ever, pick up nonfiction. However, I adore Mr. Rogers. I don't really believe people are saints, but this man was. So of course I was intrigued instantly about the topic of bettering yourself from the perspective of Fred Rogers.
The three biggest takeaways from this book are as follows:
1. Be an active listener.
2. Validate feelings.
3. Take time to pause and reflect.
Of course Dr. Kuhnley had 7 secrets as to how to better oneself, but these three were the most important. Being an active listener is so very important. It is not enough to just simply be in the same room as someone as they are speaking and nod along absentmindedly. No, people want to know they you care. Being an active listener helps build empathy too, because you can start to understand and acknowledge different people and their situations..
Validating people's feelings is soooo important. If not, people can feel as if what they are saying is unimportant or that they are bugging you. It can start, in my opinion at least, to create anxiety. I often feel like I'm annoying people when I talk about a problem I'm facing, but I'm also fortunate enough to have amazing friends that validate me and listen to what I have to say.
Finally, the last part that really stuck out to me is the idea of pausing to take time to collect your thoughts. Sometimes wait time can come across as awkward, only because as a society, we have deemed it necessary to respond almost immediately what asked a question. This is harmful because it doesn't give us enough time to process and just be alone with our thoughts.
As a teacher, I really appreciated this book. It reminds me that each of my students are different and I don't always know what they need unless I'm willing to listen. Mr. Rogers was such an inspiration to us all and I like that his teaching are still relevant today.
Great book for teachers!
May 28, 2021
Thank you so much to the author for sending me a copy of this book!
Where do I start? I was having a bad week when I picked up Mister Rogers Effect and let me tell you, this completely gave me the lift I needed to carry on and continue to do what I do. I am not a non-fiction reader.. my go to is fantasy, I cannot stress this enough... Very rarely do I connect with works like this.. this was SPECTACULAR!
As a child, I was a huge fan of Mister Rogers, so to read sections of it that brought me back to lessons I learned when I was a kid was a great stroll through memory lane. I loved how the book had a huge focus on kindness, which was Mister Roger's main motto and it's the way I live life. There were times where I stopped and thought about moments where I didn't think my feelings were valid, but alas, Mister Rogers always emphasized on how important it was to validate people's feelings. There were so many details that brought me back to my Early Childhood Psych class, I mentioned to the author I emailed my professor raving about this book and I think it would be an amazing addition to the class.
SO much to say! The empathy taught to us by Mister Rogers was impeccable, we learn in this book how important it is, not only for children to be "heard" but also adults. We get so tangled up in our daily routine that we forget to take care of our mental health. The take away of acceptance spoke so loud, society today is moving into a stage where acceptance is imperative for the development of a child. We are trying our best and we are seeing changes. This read gave us that reassurance about humans needing space to regroup, it's ok if you need time to gather your thoughts. For me, being the perfectionist that I am, I struggle with this. It was refreshing to read about the importance of inclusion of day to day things a person might struggle with (anxiety, depression, self esteem issues, etc.).. our feelings are valid, this book reminded me of that.
Mister Rogers was a marvelous person, it was such an honor to review this book. If you are having a bad day, week, year... I promise you this book will remind you that you matter, it will show you what kindness is like and why we should live by it.
Thanks Again Dr. Knight! I look forward to reading more of your work!
Where do I start? I was having a bad week when I picked up Mister Rogers Effect and let me tell you, this completely gave me the lift I needed to carry on and continue to do what I do. I am not a non-fiction reader.. my go to is fantasy, I cannot stress this enough... Very rarely do I connect with works like this.. this was SPECTACULAR!
As a child, I was a huge fan of Mister Rogers, so to read sections of it that brought me back to lessons I learned when I was a kid was a great stroll through memory lane. I loved how the book had a huge focus on kindness, which was Mister Roger's main motto and it's the way I live life. There were times where I stopped and thought about moments where I didn't think my feelings were valid, but alas, Mister Rogers always emphasized on how important it was to validate people's feelings. There were so many details that brought me back to my Early Childhood Psych class, I mentioned to the author I emailed my professor raving about this book and I think it would be an amazing addition to the class.
SO much to say! The empathy taught to us by Mister Rogers was impeccable, we learn in this book how important it is, not only for children to be "heard" but also adults. We get so tangled up in our daily routine that we forget to take care of our mental health. The take away of acceptance spoke so loud, society today is moving into a stage where acceptance is imperative for the development of a child. We are trying our best and we are seeing changes. This read gave us that reassurance about humans needing space to regroup, it's ok if you need time to gather your thoughts. For me, being the perfectionist that I am, I struggle with this. It was refreshing to read about the importance of inclusion of day to day things a person might struggle with (anxiety, depression, self esteem issues, etc.).. our feelings are valid, this book reminded me of that.
Mister Rogers was a marvelous person, it was such an honor to review this book. If you are having a bad day, week, year... I promise you this book will remind you that you matter, it will show you what kindness is like and why we should live by it.
Thanks Again Dr. Knight! I look forward to reading more of your work!
August 1, 2020
What an incredibly beautiful book! I loved it, I found it very uplifting and felt my mood shift while reading it, it was very heart-lightening. The book is a beautifully and gracefully written tribute to Mr. Rogers with excellent lessons in empathy, compassion, self-acceptance, gratitude, non-judgment and mindfulness. The audience is both psychologists/counselors as well as the general self-help audience. It’s not particularly religious.
May 24, 2021
Thanks so very much to the author for sending a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
I haven’t felt so uplifted, enlivened, and rejuvenated from a book in a very long time! Dr. Kuhnley closely examines and underlines “7 Secrets to bringing out the best in yourself and others” by highlighting Fred Rogers as a masterful example of using “transformative psychological principles...to make a difference in our own neighborhoods.” As a reader, I immediately applied every single insight to the neighborhoods I belong to on a daily basis: my family, my classroom, and my own mental health.
Although I was not an avid Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood viewer growing up, this book nevertheless impacted me on a deeply spiritual level. The specific examples and anecdotes from the work and times of the beloved Fred Rogers touched my heart and allowed me to peer introspectively into my daily life and apply his extraordinary wisdom to all facets of my experience as a person.
I think one of the most poignant parts of this book was the realization that “we each have people who have loved us into becoming the people who we are today,” which really got me thinking how important it is (especially for children) that we express appreciation, gratitude, and acceptance towards others to really show LOVE, which in turns teaches them to continue to pay it forward to others in their own lives.
Ultimately, I learned so much about myself as a parent, educator, and human being in general from this brilliant self-help book! A few things that hit extremely close to home for me:
-Being heard equates to feeling loved; listening to the stories of others amounts to loving them.
-Developing emotional intelligence through validation of feelings helps alleviate daily anxiety.
-Time alone or “white space” to allow reflection is vital to understanding ourselves and others.
-If you’re thankful for someone, tell them, show them, express your gratitude in your own way.
-Feel with others, not just for them, and don’t forget to show yourself much needed empathy too.
-Acceptance is a universal need, which includes accepting oneself as well as accepting others.
-Absolutely everyone needs someone with whom they form a secure attachment for betterment.
Recommended, of course, for fans of psychology, especially in regards to relationships and mental health, but I honestly feel like this book can be devoured and adored by readers and learners of and and all kinds!
I haven’t felt so uplifted, enlivened, and rejuvenated from a book in a very long time! Dr. Kuhnley closely examines and underlines “7 Secrets to bringing out the best in yourself and others” by highlighting Fred Rogers as a masterful example of using “transformative psychological principles...to make a difference in our own neighborhoods.” As a reader, I immediately applied every single insight to the neighborhoods I belong to on a daily basis: my family, my classroom, and my own mental health.
Although I was not an avid Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood viewer growing up, this book nevertheless impacted me on a deeply spiritual level. The specific examples and anecdotes from the work and times of the beloved Fred Rogers touched my heart and allowed me to peer introspectively into my daily life and apply his extraordinary wisdom to all facets of my experience as a person.
I think one of the most poignant parts of this book was the realization that “we each have people who have loved us into becoming the people who we are today,” which really got me thinking how important it is (especially for children) that we express appreciation, gratitude, and acceptance towards others to really show LOVE, which in turns teaches them to continue to pay it forward to others in their own lives.
Ultimately, I learned so much about myself as a parent, educator, and human being in general from this brilliant self-help book! A few things that hit extremely close to home for me:
-Being heard equates to feeling loved; listening to the stories of others amounts to loving them.
-Developing emotional intelligence through validation of feelings helps alleviate daily anxiety.
-Time alone or “white space” to allow reflection is vital to understanding ourselves and others.
-If you’re thankful for someone, tell them, show them, express your gratitude in your own way.
-Feel with others, not just for them, and don’t forget to show yourself much needed empathy too.
-Acceptance is a universal need, which includes accepting oneself as well as accepting others.
-Absolutely everyone needs someone with whom they form a secure attachment for betterment.
Recommended, of course, for fans of psychology, especially in regards to relationships and mental health, but I honestly feel like this book can be devoured and adored by readers and learners of and and all kinds!
December 26, 2021
Who is Mister Rogers (aka Fred Rogers) you might ask? That was my first question when I started reading the book. In summary, he was a TV host, a very loved one. You might say, the world does not lack any TV host, why is there a book about him? Well, because he is special. Very special.
Growing up, a lot of kids used to watch TV shows. Mister Rogers’ was very inspiring and kids were always looking forward to watching him, and here is why:
Kids felt a sense of security watching Fred. They felt that they were being heard. They felt that they were being talked to directly like Fred was looking them directly in the eyes. Fred matched the mood of the kids, used their language, tone, and speed of talking. Kids felt safe on a psychological level watching Mister Rogers.
What Mister Rogers did with kids can be equally applied when interacting with grown-ups. In fact, with everyone. Dr. Anita is a psychologist, and in this book, she writes about 7 secrets that helped Fred Rogers bring out the best in himself and his viewers. It is like a memoir of Fred’s loving and caring side. Here’s the list of the secrets you will learn:
1. Listening first
2. Validating feelings
3. Pausing and thinking
4. Showing gratitude
5. Developing empathy
6. Practicing acceptance
7. Establishing security
All these secrets will render your relationships more meaningful and deep.
What I loved about this book is Dr. Anita included psychological studies to show the working principle of each secret. What I also loved about this book is Mister Rogers. Even though I do not know who he is, I am a fan already. And I think this is a genius way to write a book. Dr. Anita could’ve written the same book without mentioning Fred, but with a personality in the book, it feels like you, the reader, will connect with Mister Rogers himself, get inspired by him, probably see him as a mentor, and start thinking, ‘What would Mister Rogers do?’ and act on your answer.
This book has been one of my favorites this year. Every chapter has studies, references, and ended with key takeaways and a concept to contemplate on (talk about note talking and book practicality). If you know someone who used to watch Fred’s show, gift them this book. If you don’t, gift them the book anyway.
Growing up, a lot of kids used to watch TV shows. Mister Rogers’ was very inspiring and kids were always looking forward to watching him, and here is why:
Kids felt a sense of security watching Fred. They felt that they were being heard. They felt that they were being talked to directly like Fred was looking them directly in the eyes. Fred matched the mood of the kids, used their language, tone, and speed of talking. Kids felt safe on a psychological level watching Mister Rogers.
What Mister Rogers did with kids can be equally applied when interacting with grown-ups. In fact, with everyone. Dr. Anita is a psychologist, and in this book, she writes about 7 secrets that helped Fred Rogers bring out the best in himself and his viewers. It is like a memoir of Fred’s loving and caring side. Here’s the list of the secrets you will learn:
1. Listening first
2. Validating feelings
3. Pausing and thinking
4. Showing gratitude
5. Developing empathy
6. Practicing acceptance
7. Establishing security
All these secrets will render your relationships more meaningful and deep.
What I loved about this book is Dr. Anita included psychological studies to show the working principle of each secret. What I also loved about this book is Mister Rogers. Even though I do not know who he is, I am a fan already. And I think this is a genius way to write a book. Dr. Anita could’ve written the same book without mentioning Fred, but with a personality in the book, it feels like you, the reader, will connect with Mister Rogers himself, get inspired by him, probably see him as a mentor, and start thinking, ‘What would Mister Rogers do?’ and act on your answer.
This book has been one of my favorites this year. Every chapter has studies, references, and ended with key takeaways and a concept to contemplate on (talk about note talking and book practicality). If you know someone who used to watch Fred’s show, gift them this book. If you don’t, gift them the book anyway.
January 21, 2023
The Mister Rogers Effect is one of the best books I have read in several months. I highly recommend it. Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley is an excellent author. The book covers the following seven Secrets that Mister rogers taught throughout his life.
7 Secrets to bring out the best in yourself and others from America’s Beloved Neighbor (Mr. Rogers)
Secret 1: Listen First – Listen with more than your ears!
Secret 2: Validate Feelings – Feelings are mentionable and manageable!
Secret 3: Pause and Think – Take time to discover what is inside!
Secret 4: Show Gratitude – Be kind and be thankful!
Secret 5: Develop Empathy – Be with people where they are!
Secret 6: Practice Acceptance – Who you are right now is acceptable!
Secret 7: Establish Security – People need to know they are cared for!
I hope you will find the quotes below helpful, encouraging, and challenging.
Shared joy is doubled, and sorrow shared is halved. Sharing has a healing impact. ~An old proverb
Here is my secret. It’s quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery, “The Little Prince”
The words “thank you” are probably the greatest words in any language. ~ Fred Rogers
There isn’t anyone you couldn’t love once you’ve heard their story. ~Sister Mary Lou Kownacki, director, Monasteries of the Heart
Demonstrating and communicating with empathy is the healthy relational glue that helps us stick together and cooperative relationships. ~Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the façade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way. ~Fred Rogers
It’s not the honors and the prizes and the fancy outsides of life which ultimately nourish our souls; it is the knowing that we can be trusted, that we never have to fear the truth, that the bedrock of our lives, from which we make our choices, is very good stuff. There is a neighborhood song that is meant for the in each of us. “It’s You I Like.” ~Fred Rogers
It's you I like,
It's not the things you wear,
It's not the way you do your hair
But it's you I like
The way you are right now,
The way down deep inside you
Not the things that hide you,
Not your toys
They're just beside you.
But it's you I like
Every part of you.
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you'll remember
Even when you're feeling blue
That it's you I like,
It's you yourself
It's you.
It's you I like. ~Fred Rogers
It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood,
A neighborly day for a beauty,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you!
I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.
So let's make the most of this beautiful day,
Since we're together we might as well say,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won't you be my neighbor?
Won't you please,
Won't you please?
Please won't you be my neighbor? ~Fred Rogers
People are just as wonderful as sunsets if I can let them be. . . . When I look at a sunset, as I did the other evening, I don’t find myself saying, “Soften the orange a bit on the right-hand corner. . . .” I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds. ~Carl Rogers
We typically don’t accept influence from people who don’t accept us. ~Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
Love is at the root of everything. All learning. All parenting. All relationships. Love or the lack of it. ~Fred Rogers
Self-acceptance is a prerequisite for other-acceptance. We must start there. ~Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
Gratitude is incredibly good for our health and relationships. ~Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has – or ever will have – something inside that is unique to all time. It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression. ~Fred Rogers
Like bodies of water change the lands they run through over time, we are shaped and impacted by those who love us. ~Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
What is most significant in your interpersonal history is not the events but how you talk about them. ~Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
Many have said, “We need a Mr. Rogers in our world today.” I believe that if you can’t find a Mr. Rogers, you can certainly be one. Internalize his message and be a healing, calming presence. I fail miserably, but
I’m trying. ~comment on YouTube video “Remembering Mr. Rogers,” a video with Charlie Rose, televised in 1994
It helps to be loved in order to work in this life. ~Fred Rogers
We speak with more than our mouths. We listen with more than our ears. ~Fred Rogers
Being heard feels so similar to being loved that for many people the distinction goes unnoticed. ~ Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
People have said, “Don’t cry” to other people for years and years, and all it has ever meant is “I’m too uncomfortable when you show your feelings: Don’t cry.” I’d rather have them say, “Go ahead and cry. I’m here to be with you.” ~Fred Rogers
If we make it clear that feelings are mentionable and manageable, we will have done a great service for mental health. ~Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
7 Secrets to bring out the best in yourself and others from America’s Beloved Neighbor (Mr. Rogers)
Secret 1: Listen First – Listen with more than your ears!
Secret 2: Validate Feelings – Feelings are mentionable and manageable!
Secret 3: Pause and Think – Take time to discover what is inside!
Secret 4: Show Gratitude – Be kind and be thankful!
Secret 5: Develop Empathy – Be with people where they are!
Secret 6: Practice Acceptance – Who you are right now is acceptable!
Secret 7: Establish Security – People need to know they are cared for!
I hope you will find the quotes below helpful, encouraging, and challenging.
Shared joy is doubled, and sorrow shared is halved. Sharing has a healing impact. ~An old proverb
Here is my secret. It’s quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery, “The Little Prince”
The words “thank you” are probably the greatest words in any language. ~ Fred Rogers
There isn’t anyone you couldn’t love once you’ve heard their story. ~Sister Mary Lou Kownacki, director, Monasteries of the Heart
Demonstrating and communicating with empathy is the healthy relational glue that helps us stick together and cooperative relationships. ~Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the façade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way. ~Fred Rogers
It’s not the honors and the prizes and the fancy outsides of life which ultimately nourish our souls; it is the knowing that we can be trusted, that we never have to fear the truth, that the bedrock of our lives, from which we make our choices, is very good stuff. There is a neighborhood song that is meant for the in each of us. “It’s You I Like.” ~Fred Rogers
It's you I like,
It's not the things you wear,
It's not the way you do your hair
But it's you I like
The way you are right now,
The way down deep inside you
Not the things that hide you,
Not your toys
They're just beside you.
But it's you I like
Every part of you.
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you'll remember
Even when you're feeling blue
That it's you I like,
It's you yourself
It's you.
It's you I like. ~Fred Rogers
It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood,
A neighborly day for a beauty,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you!
I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.
So let's make the most of this beautiful day,
Since we're together we might as well say,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won't you be my neighbor?
Won't you please,
Won't you please?
Please won't you be my neighbor? ~Fred Rogers
People are just as wonderful as sunsets if I can let them be. . . . When I look at a sunset, as I did the other evening, I don’t find myself saying, “Soften the orange a bit on the right-hand corner. . . .” I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds. ~Carl Rogers
We typically don’t accept influence from people who don’t accept us. ~Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
Love is at the root of everything. All learning. All parenting. All relationships. Love or the lack of it. ~Fred Rogers
Self-acceptance is a prerequisite for other-acceptance. We must start there. ~Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
Gratitude is incredibly good for our health and relationships. ~Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has – or ever will have – something inside that is unique to all time. It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression. ~Fred Rogers
Like bodies of water change the lands they run through over time, we are shaped and impacted by those who love us. ~Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
What is most significant in your interpersonal history is not the events but how you talk about them. ~Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
Many have said, “We need a Mr. Rogers in our world today.” I believe that if you can’t find a Mr. Rogers, you can certainly be one. Internalize his message and be a healing, calming presence. I fail miserably, but
I’m trying. ~comment on YouTube video “Remembering Mr. Rogers,” a video with Charlie Rose, televised in 1994
It helps to be loved in order to work in this life. ~Fred Rogers
We speak with more than our mouths. We listen with more than our ears. ~Fred Rogers
Being heard feels so similar to being loved that for many people the distinction goes unnoticed. ~ Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
People have said, “Don’t cry” to other people for years and years, and all it has ever meant is “I’m too uncomfortable when you show your feelings: Don’t cry.” I’d rather have them say, “Go ahead and cry. I’m here to be with you.” ~Fred Rogers
If we make it clear that feelings are mentionable and manageable, we will have done a great service for mental health. ~Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley
December 3, 2020
Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley explains the seven best parts of the Mister Rogers experience:
- listening for discovery
- validating feelings
- preserving white space
- expressing gratitude
- exercising empathy
- practicing radical acceptance
- using expressions of care
I took away a lot from this book. I especially loved the idea of listening and offering silence. Now I need to practice these ideas.
- listening for discovery
- validating feelings
- preserving white space
- expressing gratitude
- exercising empathy
- practicing radical acceptance
- using expressions of care
I took away a lot from this book. I especially loved the idea of listening and offering silence. Now I need to practice these ideas.
August 6, 2020
First sentence: I will never forget the day I had a discussion with my students that would send me on a transformative quest. It was quiet in the large, dark classroom filled with aspiring counselors. I flipped on the fluorescent lights and looked out into the sea of faces.
Though it is published by a Christian publishing company, Baker Publishing Group's Baker Books division, The Mister Rogers Effect isn't particularly Christian, religious, or spiritual.
This bothered me. A lot. It bothered me a lot. But I looked up BakerBook's mission statement (is that the right word?!?!) and this is what it said, "Baker Books has a vision for building up the body of Christ through books that are relevant, intelligent, and engaging. We publish titles for lay Christians on topics such as discipleship, apologetics, spirituality, relationships, marriage, parenting, and the intersection of Christianity and culture. We also publish books and ministry resources for pastors and church leaders, concentrating on topics such as preaching, worship, pastoral ministries, counseling, biblical reference, and leadership."
I suppose The Mister Rogers Effect falls under the "intelligent" and "engaging"? Or perhaps "the intersection of Christianity and culture."
The premise of The Mister Rogers Effect is simple: EVERY ONE SHOULD EMULATE (IMITATE) MISTER ROGERS. The world would be a better place if Mister Rogers could be duplicated a thousand-fold. Kuhnley offers readers the SEVEN SECRETS in how to be more like Mister Rogers.
Those secrets are:
Secret 1: Listen First: Listen with More than Your Ears
Secret 2: Validate Feelings: Feelings are Mentionable and Manageable
Secret 3: Pause and Think: Take Time to Discover What Is Inside
Secret 4: Show Gratitude: Be Kind and Be Thankful
Secret 5: Develop Empathy: Be with People Where They Are
Secret 6: Practice Acceptance: Who You Are Right Now Is Acceptable
Secret 7: Establish Security: People Need to Know They Are Cared For
The chapters are written with a psychological approach. Everything is written with a psychological approach. This one is best for those with an interest in child development, sociology, or psychology. It is a technical book--but not technical in a theological sense. As I said the approach in this one leaves God, Jesus Christ, the Bible, the Christian faith, the Christian worldview out completely and totally. So when words like grace, gratitude, forgiveness, love, etc., are used they are not used in a biblical sense.
On the one hand, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Mister Rogers. I do. I felt loved, accepted, welcomed when watching the show. His songs spoke to me--and continue to speak to me.
On the other hand, I am not a disciple of Mister Rogers. Fred Rogers is not the center of my life. I have no need to channel Mister Rogers, to seek to be more like him, to ask what would Fred Rogers do in any situation. I do not think that Mister Rogers holds the answers and solutions for what is wrong with society. Even if people take away valuable lessons--moral and ethical lessons--that make them "better" people, this kind of reform cannot actually save. Now, I am not suggesting the author is suggesting this--that Mister Rogers has replaced the need for a Savior, Jesus Christ. That we will be judged by God on judgment day based on how well we lived up to our vision of Mister Rogers.
The world has many, many, many problems. I think Christian publishers should be pointing people to the actual savior, Jesus Christ, and not directing them to copy Fred Rogers.
Though it is published by a Christian publishing company, Baker Publishing Group's Baker Books division, The Mister Rogers Effect isn't particularly Christian, religious, or spiritual.
This bothered me. A lot. It bothered me a lot. But I looked up BakerBook's mission statement (is that the right word?!?!) and this is what it said, "Baker Books has a vision for building up the body of Christ through books that are relevant, intelligent, and engaging. We publish titles for lay Christians on topics such as discipleship, apologetics, spirituality, relationships, marriage, parenting, and the intersection of Christianity and culture. We also publish books and ministry resources for pastors and church leaders, concentrating on topics such as preaching, worship, pastoral ministries, counseling, biblical reference, and leadership."
I suppose The Mister Rogers Effect falls under the "intelligent" and "engaging"? Or perhaps "the intersection of Christianity and culture."
The premise of The Mister Rogers Effect is simple: EVERY ONE SHOULD EMULATE (IMITATE) MISTER ROGERS. The world would be a better place if Mister Rogers could be duplicated a thousand-fold. Kuhnley offers readers the SEVEN SECRETS in how to be more like Mister Rogers.
Those secrets are:
Secret 1: Listen First: Listen with More than Your Ears
Secret 2: Validate Feelings: Feelings are Mentionable and Manageable
Secret 3: Pause and Think: Take Time to Discover What Is Inside
Secret 4: Show Gratitude: Be Kind and Be Thankful
Secret 5: Develop Empathy: Be with People Where They Are
Secret 6: Practice Acceptance: Who You Are Right Now Is Acceptable
Secret 7: Establish Security: People Need to Know They Are Cared For
The chapters are written with a psychological approach. Everything is written with a psychological approach. This one is best for those with an interest in child development, sociology, or psychology. It is a technical book--but not technical in a theological sense. As I said the approach in this one leaves God, Jesus Christ, the Bible, the Christian faith, the Christian worldview out completely and totally. So when words like grace, gratitude, forgiveness, love, etc., are used they are not used in a biblical sense.
On the one hand, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Mister Rogers. I do. I felt loved, accepted, welcomed when watching the show. His songs spoke to me--and continue to speak to me.
On the other hand, I am not a disciple of Mister Rogers. Fred Rogers is not the center of my life. I have no need to channel Mister Rogers, to seek to be more like him, to ask what would Fred Rogers do in any situation. I do not think that Mister Rogers holds the answers and solutions for what is wrong with society. Even if people take away valuable lessons--moral and ethical lessons--that make them "better" people, this kind of reform cannot actually save. Now, I am not suggesting the author is suggesting this--that Mister Rogers has replaced the need for a Savior, Jesus Christ. That we will be judged by God on judgment day based on how well we lived up to our vision of Mister Rogers.
The world has many, many, many problems. I think Christian publishers should be pointing people to the actual savior, Jesus Christ, and not directing them to copy Fred Rogers.
August 16, 2020
"Our feelings are mentionable and manageable." - Fred Rogers
I can't even begin to express how meaningful this book is/will be to my life. I've been inspired to begin a kindness quest in 2020 and this book is the perfect guide.
How do we cope in a world without Mister Rogers? Well, quite simply, you become like him. Throughout this book, you will learn the 7 secrets to be more like Mister Rogers and the psychology behind them:
1. Listen First
2. Validate Feelings
3. Pause and Think
4. Show Gratitude
5. Develop Empathy
6. Practice Acceptance
7. Establish Security
I loved learning about the meaning behind the words so often spoken on the show and how to create a more meaningful life for myself. The lessons I've learned in this book will always stick with me, and I plan to read this book multiple times a year moving forward.
Thank you Netgalley and Baker Books for the advanced reader copy!
I can't even begin to express how meaningful this book is/will be to my life. I've been inspired to begin a kindness quest in 2020 and this book is the perfect guide.
How do we cope in a world without Mister Rogers? Well, quite simply, you become like him. Throughout this book, you will learn the 7 secrets to be more like Mister Rogers and the psychology behind them:
1. Listen First
2. Validate Feelings
3. Pause and Think
4. Show Gratitude
5. Develop Empathy
6. Practice Acceptance
7. Establish Security
I loved learning about the meaning behind the words so often spoken on the show and how to create a more meaningful life for myself. The lessons I've learned in this book will always stick with me, and I plan to read this book multiple times a year moving forward.
Thank you Netgalley and Baker Books for the advanced reader copy!
May 30, 2021
As someone who normally doesn’t read non-fiction, THE MISTER ROGERS EFFECT was a completely new experience for me, and one that I was pleasantly surprised by. I was not expecting to enjoy this read as much as I did, and the reasons can be found in Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley’s easy-to-read prose and the subject of her work: Mister Rogers.
Being Italian, I admit that I hadn’t heard about Mister Rogers before being approached by the author. The first thing I did was do some research to understand more about this man I would be reading about and in the long results I found, I discovered a man who was kind and caring. Mister Rogers is the kind of TV personality I would have loved to experience first-hand, and he reminded me of an Italian TV personality I was very fond of who also made kindness the defining trait of his life and work ethic.
Using Mister Rogers's show, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley discusses seven psychological principles that help us create a safe environment when interacting with others and within ourselves. In his show, Mister Rogers made use of these principles interchangeably in order to interact with the kids and make them feel loved and accepted no matter what background or struggles each of them had. Some of these interactions are reported within the book, and they were truly heartwarming to read.
As someone who believes in the power of kindness, this book hit home. Not only was it informative, giving me further tools to use in my everyday interactions both at home and online, but this it also helped me process some difficult weeks and manage some of the anxiety that came along with them. I’m a fantasy enthusiast at heart, but I’m truly grateful for having had the opportunity to read this wonderful book.
Thank you to the author for gifting me a copy. All opinions are my own.
Being Italian, I admit that I hadn’t heard about Mister Rogers before being approached by the author. The first thing I did was do some research to understand more about this man I would be reading about and in the long results I found, I discovered a man who was kind and caring. Mister Rogers is the kind of TV personality I would have loved to experience first-hand, and he reminded me of an Italian TV personality I was very fond of who also made kindness the defining trait of his life and work ethic.
Using Mister Rogers's show, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley discusses seven psychological principles that help us create a safe environment when interacting with others and within ourselves. In his show, Mister Rogers made use of these principles interchangeably in order to interact with the kids and make them feel loved and accepted no matter what background or struggles each of them had. Some of these interactions are reported within the book, and they were truly heartwarming to read.
As someone who believes in the power of kindness, this book hit home. Not only was it informative, giving me further tools to use in my everyday interactions both at home and online, but this it also helped me process some difficult weeks and manage some of the anxiety that came along with them. I’m a fantasy enthusiast at heart, but I’m truly grateful for having had the opportunity to read this wonderful book.
Thank you to the author for gifting me a copy. All opinions are my own.
November 27, 2022
This is the 3rd Mr. Rogers book I’ve read in the past few months, so many of the quotes and stories are becoming repetitive, but this one is nice in that it more of a “here’s what you can do”, which is a variation from the others.
August 27, 2020
** I received a free ARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. **
3.5 stars - Each chapter is a secret to the Mister Rogers effect. The book was very easy to read, and the info wasn't difficult to get through. I just wasn't wowed by the book.
3.5 stars - Each chapter is a secret to the Mister Rogers effect. The book was very easy to read, and the info wasn't difficult to get through. I just wasn't wowed by the book.
November 11, 2020
I found this book to be intriguing, insightful, and had a depth to it the movie Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood starring Tom Hanks did not have time to dig into. I was fascinated to learn about Mister Rogers and the compassion he had for people. I had not known about Mister Rogers growing up. I was thankful for YouTube and the many videos I was able to watch which were mentioned in the book. For example, there was the time Mister Rogers was advocating for public television, addressing Senator Pastore, and talking about how to address anger?"
He said, "They have no one to teach them how to regulate their emotions, so they turn to violence. When they get angry, they fight." As kids, they likely longed for an escape from the violence, for someone to rescue them from people who did not know what to do with their anger – until they, too, adopted their parents' ways for lack of an alternative."
Mister Rogers was a Presbyterian minister and earned a degree in music composition, he wrote 200 songs for the show, including the theme song, "Won't you be my neighbor?" I was captivated by this insightful, compassionate man who walked out what he believed, love God Love your Neighbor. He respected and cared for people, asking them "Would you like to tell me about this? Urged them to share whatever was on their heart." He was a soft-spoken man who paid attention, he was amazed by things and how they worked. He loved sharing that with children. The author says, "Mr. Rogers spoke to the neglected inside all of us – the part of us that believes we need to work hard to earn any inkling of love in this world, that believes, "just maybe if I can work hard enough, produce enough, or be good enough at something then someone will love me."
His song, "It's You I Like," is a radical message of acceptance and care, and he sang it often, sometimes personalizing the lyrics. When he appeared with comedian Joan Rivers, he improvised the words to match her personality. "It's you I like, it's not your jokes." And for a young Jeffrey Erlanger, who used a wheelchair, he threw in, "It's not your fancy chair."…Each appeared awestruck for a moment, shocked with such surprise and wonder that they didn't know what to do.
Each chapter title featured a concept – First Secret – Listen First
The chapters started with a quote liked this one, "We speak with more than our mouths. We listen with more than our ears."
Fred Rogers, Life's Journeys According to Mr Rogers
…"This book explores seven of the keys that emerged as themes throughout Fred Roger's work. Listen first, Validate Feelings, Pause and Think, Show Gratitude, Develop Empathy, Practice Acceptance, Establish Security."
Each Chapter had Summary bullet points. Then at the end of the chapter there was a section "A Concept to Contemplate"
…Mr Rogers invited us to be who we are; he invited us to be our best selves with his unwavering gaze on what was good in everyone he met. His lessons continue to beckon us to take a peek at our neighbors through this lens of kindness and let the darkness disappear into a flash of light."
Mister Rogers Offered the Hope of a Different World. I highly recommend this book to everyone. It's an encouraging, hopeful book.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising"
Nora St. Laurent
TBCN Where Book Fun Begins!
The Book Club Network blog www.bookfun.org
He said, "They have no one to teach them how to regulate their emotions, so they turn to violence. When they get angry, they fight." As kids, they likely longed for an escape from the violence, for someone to rescue them from people who did not know what to do with their anger – until they, too, adopted their parents' ways for lack of an alternative."
Mister Rogers was a Presbyterian minister and earned a degree in music composition, he wrote 200 songs for the show, including the theme song, "Won't you be my neighbor?" I was captivated by this insightful, compassionate man who walked out what he believed, love God Love your Neighbor. He respected and cared for people, asking them "Would you like to tell me about this? Urged them to share whatever was on their heart." He was a soft-spoken man who paid attention, he was amazed by things and how they worked. He loved sharing that with children. The author says, "Mr. Rogers spoke to the neglected inside all of us – the part of us that believes we need to work hard to earn any inkling of love in this world, that believes, "just maybe if I can work hard enough, produce enough, or be good enough at something then someone will love me."
His song, "It's You I Like," is a radical message of acceptance and care, and he sang it often, sometimes personalizing the lyrics. When he appeared with comedian Joan Rivers, he improvised the words to match her personality. "It's you I like, it's not your jokes." And for a young Jeffrey Erlanger, who used a wheelchair, he threw in, "It's not your fancy chair."…Each appeared awestruck for a moment, shocked with such surprise and wonder that they didn't know what to do.
Each chapter title featured a concept – First Secret – Listen First
The chapters started with a quote liked this one, "We speak with more than our mouths. We listen with more than our ears."
Fred Rogers, Life's Journeys According to Mr Rogers
…"This book explores seven of the keys that emerged as themes throughout Fred Roger's work. Listen first, Validate Feelings, Pause and Think, Show Gratitude, Develop Empathy, Practice Acceptance, Establish Security."
Each Chapter had Summary bullet points. Then at the end of the chapter there was a section "A Concept to Contemplate"
…Mr Rogers invited us to be who we are; he invited us to be our best selves with his unwavering gaze on what was good in everyone he met. His lessons continue to beckon us to take a peek at our neighbors through this lens of kindness and let the darkness disappear into a flash of light."
Mister Rogers Offered the Hope of a Different World. I highly recommend this book to everyone. It's an encouraging, hopeful book.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising"
Nora St. Laurent
TBCN Where Book Fun Begins!
The Book Club Network blog www.bookfun.org
May 27, 2021
Thank you to the author for sending me a copy to read! Also for sending me the audiobook because I ended up listening to most of it.
This book was completely outside my comfort zone. I do not enjoy nonfiction normally because I read to escape. I enjoy getting away and falling into new worlds. However, this book had me from the start.
Many of us grew up watching Mr. rogers neighborhood. It was my favorite show as a child and I knew every character and every song. Mr. Rogers was someone you knew and recognized no matter what. His staple phrase that you could repeat always from his song “it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood… wont you be my neighbor.”
This book was full of positivity and views to try and better one self. Full of psychology and different angles to look at yourself and society as a whole, it may take a few times to really grasp the information Dr. Kuhnley is trying to get across. Where Fred Rogers lived his life with these secrets and rules, applying them can be totally different. I really enjoyed the touching on how it could effect children and their up bringing. I am a mother of a two year old and the empathy and sympathy discussion within the book is really eye opening. She discusses also how children form attachments to responsive parenting snd it helps them with emotions and how to handle moods and things that happen to them as opposed to not having anyone there to respond to.
I listened to the audiobook and I really enjoyed it. She focuses on 7 secrets that Mr. Rogers applied to his daily life (among many more) but these 7 in particular that can help us better ourselves if we apply them. I had to stop listening to process along the way and I still am trying to do so but overall the book is packed full of wonderful information. Not only with the lifestyle and positive views to apply to your life but also history of Mr. Rogers himself.
If you enjoy non fiction you will love this book. If you like self help books, you will love. If you are looking for a short pick me up that will fill you with all sorts of questions and positive outlooks, pick this one up!
This book was completely outside my comfort zone. I do not enjoy nonfiction normally because I read to escape. I enjoy getting away and falling into new worlds. However, this book had me from the start.
Many of us grew up watching Mr. rogers neighborhood. It was my favorite show as a child and I knew every character and every song. Mr. Rogers was someone you knew and recognized no matter what. His staple phrase that you could repeat always from his song “it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood… wont you be my neighbor.”
This book was full of positivity and views to try and better one self. Full of psychology and different angles to look at yourself and society as a whole, it may take a few times to really grasp the information Dr. Kuhnley is trying to get across. Where Fred Rogers lived his life with these secrets and rules, applying them can be totally different. I really enjoyed the touching on how it could effect children and their up bringing. I am a mother of a two year old and the empathy and sympathy discussion within the book is really eye opening. She discusses also how children form attachments to responsive parenting snd it helps them with emotions and how to handle moods and things that happen to them as opposed to not having anyone there to respond to.
I listened to the audiobook and I really enjoyed it. She focuses on 7 secrets that Mr. Rogers applied to his daily life (among many more) but these 7 in particular that can help us better ourselves if we apply them. I had to stop listening to process along the way and I still am trying to do so but overall the book is packed full of wonderful information. Not only with the lifestyle and positive views to apply to your life but also history of Mr. Rogers himself.
If you enjoy non fiction you will love this book. If you like self help books, you will love. If you are looking for a short pick me up that will fill you with all sorts of questions and positive outlooks, pick this one up!
September 20, 2020
The Mister Rogers Effect by Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley was a fascinating and educational read. The book covers some of the big phycological practices that Rogers used in his life to make others feel loved, valued, special, and appreciated.
While there are several techniques he used and implemented into his life, this book focuses on seven big ones. While Rogers’ faith was a huge part of his life, it was not the main focus of the book. I am a Christian, and I can relate a lot to Rogers’ faith in this. Because this book was not overly preachy (about his faith,) I think non-religious and people of other religions can relate to this book as well. I felt it was a good balance and could appeal across the board.
There is so much to learn from this book. I would love to see this book used in schools or other formats to help mold and shape the future of this world for the better. If everyone could bring some Mr. Rogers into their life, the world would be a much more caring and empathetic place. I feel his legacy is one that will continue to live on throughout the generations.
This was a quick read for me.
I received an eARC from Baker Books through NetGalley. All opinions are 100% my own.
While there are several techniques he used and implemented into his life, this book focuses on seven big ones. While Rogers’ faith was a huge part of his life, it was not the main focus of the book. I am a Christian, and I can relate a lot to Rogers’ faith in this. Because this book was not overly preachy (about his faith,) I think non-religious and people of other religions can relate to this book as well. I felt it was a good balance and could appeal across the board.
There is so much to learn from this book. I would love to see this book used in schools or other formats to help mold and shape the future of this world for the better. If everyone could bring some Mr. Rogers into their life, the world would be a much more caring and empathetic place. I feel his legacy is one that will continue to live on throughout the generations.
This was a quick read for me.
I received an eARC from Baker Books through NetGalley. All opinions are 100% my own.
August 26, 2021
I am growing more and more fond of Mister Rogers and the legacy he left behind. Kindness is everything! This was a fantastic tribute to him. It moved me in so many ways, helping me to understand who Fred was and how we can become more like him. Anita outlined it and described it in such a way that helps me understand in simple terms. A lot of psychology and important repetition, but written for the average reader to soak in and learn from! I hope to reference these teachings often. An insightful but easy and inspirational read, uplifting and calming! 5 stars.
Fred taught us excellent lessons in empathy, compassion, self-acceptance, gratitude, non-judgment and mindfulness. The seven concepts and secrets to be more like Mister Rogers and bringing out the best of people are:
1. Listen First 2. Validate Feelings 3. Pause and Think 4. Show Gratitude 5. Develop Empathy 6. Practice Acceptance & 7. Establish Security
"I like you just the way you are" was one quote that I loved reading over and over again to soak it in for myself and help my self esteem and self love. Also, I really want to be more reflective and mindful. I need to remember to silence the noise and listen more actively. I need patience and empathy. I want to do all the things that he practiced, especially apply them towards my kids as I raise them to be kind humans.
We need more kindness and Mister Rogers in the world. Thank you for a great read!
Fred taught us excellent lessons in empathy, compassion, self-acceptance, gratitude, non-judgment and mindfulness. The seven concepts and secrets to be more like Mister Rogers and bringing out the best of people are:
1. Listen First 2. Validate Feelings 3. Pause and Think 4. Show Gratitude 5. Develop Empathy 6. Practice Acceptance & 7. Establish Security
"I like you just the way you are" was one quote that I loved reading over and over again to soak it in for myself and help my self esteem and self love. Also, I really want to be more reflective and mindful. I need to remember to silence the noise and listen more actively. I need patience and empathy. I want to do all the things that he practiced, especially apply them towards my kids as I raise them to be kind humans.
We need more kindness and Mister Rogers in the world. Thank you for a great read!
August 4, 2021
I loved Mr. Rogers when I was a kid, I loved what he taught my children, and I’m grateful to have read this book that made me re-think why Mr. Rogers was such a powerful influence on generations of people—his honest, straightforward kindness. In this book Dr.Anita Kuhnley teaches seven principles that guided Fred Rogers in how he interacted so honestly and kindly with people. In essence—truly listen, pause and think before you reply (silence is a rare and necessary thing in this noisy world in which we live) and when you do speak, use empathy and acceptance. Living with a grateful heart and creating save (emotionally and physically) spaces for others are groundwork to develop open and caring communication and build relationships. This small book is filled with big ideas.
November 29, 2024
What an absolutely beautiful book! I loved getting a chance to see how Mr. Rogers worked and how to bring his philosophy into everyday. If you ever saw or enjoyed Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, you NEED to read this book. Well written, well explained, and full of anecdotes from the TV show, this book gives you the insights you need to be the best neighbor you can be.
December 12, 2020
This was a wonderful, thoughtful book, with good research backing up its claims. Much of the message was familiar from other readings in positive psychology, but the Mister Rogers context definitely added to these messages.
And while I enjoyed the entire book, I most appreciate the part in the acknowledgments where she thanked the person who helped her with Chicago style. THAT IS A GOOD FRIEND AND A GOOD THING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR.
And while I enjoyed the entire book, I most appreciate the part in the acknowledgments where she thanked the person who helped her with Chicago style. THAT IS A GOOD FRIEND AND A GOOD THING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR.
July 12, 2024
Mr. Rogers is my hero. I try to read and learn about him often. This book highlights some of Fred Rogers greatest attributes and helps us remember to be loving and kind to all.
January 10, 2025
One of the most thought provoking books I have read. So many things to take away and consider.
December 11, 2020
This was like a hug and a road map to being a better person. I really appreciate my sister for finding it and giving it to me.
At times it felt repetitive but then I got more out of it and realized I needed that!
The world would be a better place if we all tried to live like Mister Rogers.
At times it felt repetitive but then I got more out of it and realized I needed that!
The world would be a better place if we all tried to live like Mister Rogers.
March 1, 2021
It was good. Pretty basic emotional health advice from Mr. Rogers.
November 28, 2023
Similar to my review of kindness and wonder, it’s hard to not be inspired by a book that digs into the life of such a selfless person. After reading this it made me want to focus less on myself and more on those around me. “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”
January 28, 2023
Secret 1: Listen first
"What is and isn't ok to say to a client?...The litmus test for the listening skills is this:
Will what I say to my client help me seek to understand them or help me to be understood?"
"Your favorite grownups can suggest to you what homework to complete and what schoolwork to study. Studying and listening to your favorite grownups is an important part of growing." vs "You'd better make sure you do your homework."
"Mister Rogers was very thoughtful about his presentation and looked directly into your eyes. Eye contact is the first nonverbal listening skill that is taught to counselors in training. And it is also considered the most important of the listening skills."
Secret 2: Validate Feelings
"1. have someone to talk to
2. spend time in nature
3. seek regular solitude
4. read regularly for inspiration
5. express yourself artistically
6. encourage yourself
7. rest
Rogers was able to put his own oxygen mask on first before moving on to help others with theirs."
Secret 3: Pause and think
"His grandfather Fred McFeely often said to him 'Freddy you made this day a special day for me just by you're being you.' Over time Fred got the message. People could like him for who he was on the inside because the fabric of his being was good. He took both his painful and his redeeming experiences and found a healing way to move forward."
"I can imagine that when Mr. Rogers took time to read his favorite books, he would pause and think of the words he just read. This space for reflection too is white space. Rogers emphasized the great gift of silence and how those who made a different for him often gave him silence... He took time for quiet reflection each morning."
"I noticed a direct correlation between my ability to articulate myself and the time I spent doing these things. When I slack off on reading and journaling I begin to notice I have more difficulty expressing my thoughts."
"A holistic approach to seeing people is seeing their spiritual needs as well and making room for the sacred."
"The impact of extended understanding and awareness of oneself is tremendous. It is its’ own reward as we have seen in how Fred Rogers made sense of his childhood trauma to serve him and others for the better. Clearly it was important for Rogers to understand himself and others"
Secret 4: Show gratitude
"Gratitude equals relationship glue. The science of gratitude engenders hope. We know that gratitude helps us optimize the way our brains function, so we bring the best of ourselves to relationships."
"Gratitude comes from the Latin root word 'gratia' which means grace. The word gratitude conveys the idea of being on the receiving end of grace or generosity."
"Rogers told Charlie Rose that the act of being a gracious receiver was a wonderful gift to give. He was an excellent catcher of good things."
Secret 5: Practice Acceptance
"Oprah: You forget what it's like to be this size (indicating some children in the audience) You really do forget.
Rogers again nodded supportively.
'But those children can help re-evoke what it was like and that's why when you are a parent you have a new chance to grow.'"
Empathy example:
"'Ahh I can sense the stress you are feeling on top of being sick and the tension you are carrying. It sounds like you have been working very hard.' On the other hand, sympathy may express herself as the friend who is slightly annoyed to have to hear about your struggle... "
"Students often instinctively offer, 'I am sorry for your loss.' This is not empathy but rather an expression of sympathy. It generally shuts down the connection and garners a simple thank you in response. Period. End of discussion. Meanwhile... 'Oh I was saddened to hear about your grandmother. I know you were really close to her and you emailed her often. It must be really hard to lose someone who is really important to you.' Empathy requires a deeper level of understanding and connection to human emotions, which enables us to enagee with others in a more meaningful way."
"Common sympathy response: 'I am so sorry your dog died.' Enhanced empathy response: 'I remember you sharing you had your dog for 15 years. It must hurt to lose such an important part of your family.' 'Oh that hurts.' or attentive silence marked with compassionate non-verbal facial response.
Common sympathy response: 'Don't cry, it's ok.' Enhanced empathy response: 'It is ok to cry. I'm here to be with you." If the tears had words what would they say.
Common sympathy response (in response to someone talking about their bad day) 'Well just try not to think about it and be positive.'
'It osunds like that was so stressful. What helped you make it through the work day. or 'Help me understand more about the stress.'
Common sympathy response (in response to my boyfriend and I have been in conflict a lot lately
'Oh that sucks.'
Enhanced empathy response:
'Conflict can be so tiring. Tell me more about what you think is triggering the disagreement.'
Common sympathy response (in response to someone getting demoted at work)
'Well at least you still have a job
'It must be ____ (fill in the blank with probable feeling) to experience this after working so hard for so long.' 'Tell me more about how you feel.'
Common sympathy response (in response to someone saying I have felt so tired lately)
'Well what are you doing about that?' 'Maybe you should drink some coffee' 'You've been tired? I've been exhausted'
'Aw it sounds like you've been working so hard lately and feeling in need of some rest. Tell me more.'
Here are some sample statements for cultivating empathetic dialogue:
'How do you think _____ (insert name) feels after having this conversation?'
'_____(insert name) may be _____ (insert feeling) because ______(insert reason).'
'How would you feel if (insert scenario of another child's painful situation) happened to you?'
'I have to remember my cue tip and quite taking it personally when ____ (insert name) changes the subject when I share my feelings. I guess he does not like talking about feelings.'
Secret 7: Establish security
"Rogers wanted the boy to pray for him. Why? Because he believed that anyone who had been through such difficulty must be close to God. This must have been shocking to the young boy who was struggling with self hatred."
"Psychologist John Coonley often shares this message of acceptance with his patients: 'What I am today is good enough (acceptance). What I am tomorrow will be even better (growth)' This capacity to accept oneself and seek to grow arises from a secure state of mind. Thus, acceptance and expressions of care are relational secrets that go hand in hand."
"If you are strong in congruence, you give clear and consistent messages and you are all together in one piece rather than fragmented or sending mixed signals. This means your thoughts and feelings are in alignment. Your behavior and goals are in alignment. Your values and behaviors are consistent. You are the same person on and off the screen. We can never be perfect in absolute congruence, but we can move in that direction."
"Set a timer on your phone for one minutes... Take that time to think about people who have loved you into becoming.... Develop an expression of care and share it with a loved one. Write your responses to the following questions:
Who did you think of during this time?
How did they encourage you?
How did their expressions of care shape who you would become?
Whose list do you want to be on?
You may alternatively think of someone you would like to influence. If we do not know someone cares, it's challenging to accept their influence. Those you express care for regularly will likely be those you influence."
"Bless them and leave the rest in God's hands."
"To make expressions of acceptance and caring effective, you must be believable, authentic, genuine, consistent. In other words, congruent. Congruence means having consistency. This means consistency in your feelings, words, thoughts, and actions. Internal and external communication."
NOTE: watch the senate hearing and the Charlie Rose interview
"What is and isn't ok to say to a client?...The litmus test for the listening skills is this:
Will what I say to my client help me seek to understand them or help me to be understood?"
"Your favorite grownups can suggest to you what homework to complete and what schoolwork to study. Studying and listening to your favorite grownups is an important part of growing." vs "You'd better make sure you do your homework."
"Mister Rogers was very thoughtful about his presentation and looked directly into your eyes. Eye contact is the first nonverbal listening skill that is taught to counselors in training. And it is also considered the most important of the listening skills."
Secret 2: Validate Feelings
"1. have someone to talk to
2. spend time in nature
3. seek regular solitude
4. read regularly for inspiration
5. express yourself artistically
6. encourage yourself
7. rest
Rogers was able to put his own oxygen mask on first before moving on to help others with theirs."
Secret 3: Pause and think
"His grandfather Fred McFeely often said to him 'Freddy you made this day a special day for me just by you're being you.' Over time Fred got the message. People could like him for who he was on the inside because the fabric of his being was good. He took both his painful and his redeeming experiences and found a healing way to move forward."
"I can imagine that when Mr. Rogers took time to read his favorite books, he would pause and think of the words he just read. This space for reflection too is white space. Rogers emphasized the great gift of silence and how those who made a different for him often gave him silence... He took time for quiet reflection each morning."
"I noticed a direct correlation between my ability to articulate myself and the time I spent doing these things. When I slack off on reading and journaling I begin to notice I have more difficulty expressing my thoughts."
"A holistic approach to seeing people is seeing their spiritual needs as well and making room for the sacred."
"The impact of extended understanding and awareness of oneself is tremendous. It is its’ own reward as we have seen in how Fred Rogers made sense of his childhood trauma to serve him and others for the better. Clearly it was important for Rogers to understand himself and others"
Secret 4: Show gratitude
"Gratitude equals relationship glue. The science of gratitude engenders hope. We know that gratitude helps us optimize the way our brains function, so we bring the best of ourselves to relationships."
"Gratitude comes from the Latin root word 'gratia' which means grace. The word gratitude conveys the idea of being on the receiving end of grace or generosity."
"Rogers told Charlie Rose that the act of being a gracious receiver was a wonderful gift to give. He was an excellent catcher of good things."
Secret 5: Practice Acceptance
"Oprah: You forget what it's like to be this size (indicating some children in the audience) You really do forget.
Rogers again nodded supportively.
'But those children can help re-evoke what it was like and that's why when you are a parent you have a new chance to grow.'"
Empathy example:
"'Ahh I can sense the stress you are feeling on top of being sick and the tension you are carrying. It sounds like you have been working very hard.' On the other hand, sympathy may express herself as the friend who is slightly annoyed to have to hear about your struggle... "
"Students often instinctively offer, 'I am sorry for your loss.' This is not empathy but rather an expression of sympathy. It generally shuts down the connection and garners a simple thank you in response. Period. End of discussion. Meanwhile... 'Oh I was saddened to hear about your grandmother. I know you were really close to her and you emailed her often. It must be really hard to lose someone who is really important to you.' Empathy requires a deeper level of understanding and connection to human emotions, which enables us to enagee with others in a more meaningful way."
"Common sympathy response: 'I am so sorry your dog died.' Enhanced empathy response: 'I remember you sharing you had your dog for 15 years. It must hurt to lose such an important part of your family.' 'Oh that hurts.' or attentive silence marked with compassionate non-verbal facial response.
Common sympathy response: 'Don't cry, it's ok.' Enhanced empathy response: 'It is ok to cry. I'm here to be with you." If the tears had words what would they say.
Common sympathy response (in response to someone talking about their bad day) 'Well just try not to think about it and be positive.'
'It osunds like that was so stressful. What helped you make it through the work day. or 'Help me understand more about the stress.'
Common sympathy response (in response to my boyfriend and I have been in conflict a lot lately
'Oh that sucks.'
Enhanced empathy response:
'Conflict can be so tiring. Tell me more about what you think is triggering the disagreement.'
Common sympathy response (in response to someone getting demoted at work)
'Well at least you still have a job
'It must be ____ (fill in the blank with probable feeling) to experience this after working so hard for so long.' 'Tell me more about how you feel.'
Common sympathy response (in response to someone saying I have felt so tired lately)
'Well what are you doing about that?' 'Maybe you should drink some coffee' 'You've been tired? I've been exhausted'
'Aw it sounds like you've been working so hard lately and feeling in need of some rest. Tell me more.'
Here are some sample statements for cultivating empathetic dialogue:
'How do you think _____ (insert name) feels after having this conversation?'
'_____(insert name) may be _____ (insert feeling) because ______(insert reason).'
'How would you feel if (insert scenario of another child's painful situation) happened to you?'
'I have to remember my cue tip and quite taking it personally when ____ (insert name) changes the subject when I share my feelings. I guess he does not like talking about feelings.'
Secret 7: Establish security
"Rogers wanted the boy to pray for him. Why? Because he believed that anyone who had been through such difficulty must be close to God. This must have been shocking to the young boy who was struggling with self hatred."
"Psychologist John Coonley often shares this message of acceptance with his patients: 'What I am today is good enough (acceptance). What I am tomorrow will be even better (growth)' This capacity to accept oneself and seek to grow arises from a secure state of mind. Thus, acceptance and expressions of care are relational secrets that go hand in hand."
"If you are strong in congruence, you give clear and consistent messages and you are all together in one piece rather than fragmented or sending mixed signals. This means your thoughts and feelings are in alignment. Your behavior and goals are in alignment. Your values and behaviors are consistent. You are the same person on and off the screen. We can never be perfect in absolute congruence, but we can move in that direction."
"Set a timer on your phone for one minutes... Take that time to think about people who have loved you into becoming.... Develop an expression of care and share it with a loved one. Write your responses to the following questions:
Who did you think of during this time?
How did they encourage you?
How did their expressions of care shape who you would become?
Whose list do you want to be on?
You may alternatively think of someone you would like to influence. If we do not know someone cares, it's challenging to accept their influence. Those you express care for regularly will likely be those you influence."
"Bless them and leave the rest in God's hands."
"To make expressions of acceptance and caring effective, you must be believable, authentic, genuine, consistent. In other words, congruent. Congruence means having consistency. This means consistency in your feelings, words, thoughts, and actions. Internal and external communication."
NOTE: watch the senate hearing and the Charlie Rose interview
September 17, 2020
He has been called "America's Hero." Others call him a brilliant educator. In this book, he is called "America's Beloved Neighbour." He is best known for his children's TV program called "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood." His life has also inspired the making of a 2019 movie played by Tom Hanks, "A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood." What spurred the author to write this book was Rogers's ability to connect with people. She marvels at how Rogers minister to an inner-city kid dealing with anger issues, and lamenting about how they need a Mr Rogers in their neighbourhood. She examines Rogers's careful words to reach out to a young boy on a wheelchair extending care beyond the boy to the doctors and nurses who cared for him. What was more amazing was that 18 years later, they still reconnected with much warmth and love. This and many more are highlights of Mr Rogers amazing life. There is much to learn from Rogers's life. Author Anita Kuhnley contributes to this by going on a quest to discover how to translate Mr Roger's positive influence into some helpful tools and strategies that we can use in our daily lives. Thanks to her training in psychology and qualitative research skills, she combs the resources about the legendary Fred McFeely Rogers, and how his influence had impacted lives both young and old. The key trademark is how Mr Rogers spoke to those of us feeling neglected and lonely. That is because he cares. Using television as a way to reach out to people, Rogers also learns from psychologists and relational experts to hone his skills in communicating care. Rogers credits Dr McFarland for that. Kuhnley gives us an overview of the four types of relational approaches: Secure; Preoccupied; Dismissive; and Unresolved. Apart from the secure child-parent relationship, the other three categories would produce different levels of insecurity in a child. Learning to connect with children and people in these categories is the purpose of Mr Rogers's ministry. Kuhnley does the hard work of digging through the materials and available resources about Mr Rogers and offers up seven "secrets" of Mr Rogers's unique ability to connect with people. The seven secrets mentioned are seven characteristics of what a good neighbour ought to be. These are:
1) Listen first (using not only ears but our hearts);
2) Validate feelings (instead of assuming);
3) Pause and Think (instead of rushing to judge);
4) Show Gratitude
5) Develop Empathy
6) Practice Acceptance
7) Establish Security
The author does a good job not just in describing what the Rogers Effect is, but to show us what it looks and feels like. One cannot help but feel amazed at the legendary skills of Mr Rogers and how he could disarm people with his words and reach out to the hurting. He does not dismiss even the most frivolous comments. He treats each word carefully and bridges his care with any hurting feelings he senses. While this book is about the traits of Mr Rogers, it is more about the ways to be good neighbours to one and all. This is where the author shines as she takes an aspect of Mr Rogers's communication skills and processes it with her psychological training to give us a pointer for direct application. In each of the "seven secrets," we get to see Mr Rogers in action as he tenderly deals with some of the most explosive human issues pertaining to emotional and mental health. In the chapter on "Validate Feelings," we learn how Rogers turn a potential ugly confrontation into a precious lesson of emotional connection. This has to do with "emotional regulation" of our own hearts. It takes a healthy person to help another. For Rogers, this began at an early age in learning empathy. Rogers was bullied when young and he was able to take refuge in a loving family.
My Thoughts
==============
Reading this book not only tells me about the Rogers's Effect. I learn about the life of Mr Rogers himself and how his own background led to his personality effect. People do not become something out of nothing. Rogers had a tough childhood and upon recovery, he was able to fill in the needed gaps of childhood. With that conviction to start teaching young children on basic human care and encouragement, Rogers not only produced children's programs, he fought for funding. He reached out to people. He prayed and he cared. If there is a phrase to describe Mr Rogers, it would be "slow and steady; patient and ready." There is indeed much to learn from Rogers.
I learn about the power of connection. Rogers had that special manner to relate and to connect with people of all ages. One time, when teaching about gratitude, he asks people to take a moment to reflect on the people who had helped us become the people that we are, and then to express some gratitude for them. In the auditorium, many eyes were teary as people reconnected with their past and their benefactors. It is a powerful reminder that we are not our own, simply because we were beneficiaries of the grace of many other people. For most of us, it would be our parents. For the rest, it might be mentors or best friends. There is much we can give thanks for when we search our deepest memories.
Finally, be careful not to idolize the Rogers Effect. It is helpful for much of daily living. I am reminded that there is a child in every one of us. In some way, there is a part of us that responds well to the Rogers Effect. This is a good thing, something to help us get back to the fundamentals of who we are, without necessarily being stuck in the past. Like all of us, Rogers had his imperfections and innuendos, something we don't usually talk about when it comes to heroes. This book deals with Rogers's positive aspects in part supplemented by psychological insights from Kuhnley's expertise.
We all need care. In a crazy busy world, it is so easy to zoom past people as we rush for our individual goals and projects. It is only in the quietness and peace that we can take stock of who we really are, what we really need, and where we really need to go. The key is to get to that place of stillness. This Rogers Effect would help nudge us toward that state, that we too can help another neighbour in need.
Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley is associate professor of counseling at Regent University. Kuhnley has worked as head counselor of a faith-based substance abuse facility, served as a counselor at a women's community center, and directed a college counseling center. She is a popular conference speaker for the American Association of Christian Counselors and a blogger for the American Counseling Association. She lives in Virginia.
Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.
conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Baker Books and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.
1) Listen first (using not only ears but our hearts);
2) Validate feelings (instead of assuming);
3) Pause and Think (instead of rushing to judge);
4) Show Gratitude
5) Develop Empathy
6) Practice Acceptance
7) Establish Security
The author does a good job not just in describing what the Rogers Effect is, but to show us what it looks and feels like. One cannot help but feel amazed at the legendary skills of Mr Rogers and how he could disarm people with his words and reach out to the hurting. He does not dismiss even the most frivolous comments. He treats each word carefully and bridges his care with any hurting feelings he senses. While this book is about the traits of Mr Rogers, it is more about the ways to be good neighbours to one and all. This is where the author shines as she takes an aspect of Mr Rogers's communication skills and processes it with her psychological training to give us a pointer for direct application. In each of the "seven secrets," we get to see Mr Rogers in action as he tenderly deals with some of the most explosive human issues pertaining to emotional and mental health. In the chapter on "Validate Feelings," we learn how Rogers turn a potential ugly confrontation into a precious lesson of emotional connection. This has to do with "emotional regulation" of our own hearts. It takes a healthy person to help another. For Rogers, this began at an early age in learning empathy. Rogers was bullied when young and he was able to take refuge in a loving family.
My Thoughts
==============
Reading this book not only tells me about the Rogers's Effect. I learn about the life of Mr Rogers himself and how his own background led to his personality effect. People do not become something out of nothing. Rogers had a tough childhood and upon recovery, he was able to fill in the needed gaps of childhood. With that conviction to start teaching young children on basic human care and encouragement, Rogers not only produced children's programs, he fought for funding. He reached out to people. He prayed and he cared. If there is a phrase to describe Mr Rogers, it would be "slow and steady; patient and ready." There is indeed much to learn from Rogers.
I learn about the power of connection. Rogers had that special manner to relate and to connect with people of all ages. One time, when teaching about gratitude, he asks people to take a moment to reflect on the people who had helped us become the people that we are, and then to express some gratitude for them. In the auditorium, many eyes were teary as people reconnected with their past and their benefactors. It is a powerful reminder that we are not our own, simply because we were beneficiaries of the grace of many other people. For most of us, it would be our parents. For the rest, it might be mentors or best friends. There is much we can give thanks for when we search our deepest memories.
Finally, be careful not to idolize the Rogers Effect. It is helpful for much of daily living. I am reminded that there is a child in every one of us. In some way, there is a part of us that responds well to the Rogers Effect. This is a good thing, something to help us get back to the fundamentals of who we are, without necessarily being stuck in the past. Like all of us, Rogers had his imperfections and innuendos, something we don't usually talk about when it comes to heroes. This book deals with Rogers's positive aspects in part supplemented by psychological insights from Kuhnley's expertise.
We all need care. In a crazy busy world, it is so easy to zoom past people as we rush for our individual goals and projects. It is only in the quietness and peace that we can take stock of who we really are, what we really need, and where we really need to go. The key is to get to that place of stillness. This Rogers Effect would help nudge us toward that state, that we too can help another neighbour in need.
Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley is associate professor of counseling at Regent University. Kuhnley has worked as head counselor of a faith-based substance abuse facility, served as a counselor at a women's community center, and directed a college counseling center. She is a popular conference speaker for the American Association of Christian Counselors and a blogger for the American Counseling Association. She lives in Virginia.
Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.
conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Baker Books and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.
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