What do you think?
Rate this book
Shameless: A Sexual Reformation
Annotation:
"Nothing gives church folk anxiety quite like the subject of sex. And that's why in Shameless, Pastor Nadia sets out to reclaim the conversation for a new generation. In the spirit of Martin Luther, Bolz-Weber calls for a reformation of the way believers understand and express their sexuality. To make her case, Bolz-Weber draws on experiences from her own life as well as her parishoners', then puts them side by side with biblical narrative and theology to explore what the church has taught and about sex, and the harm that has often come as a result. Along the way, Bolz-Weber reexamines patriarchy, gender, and sexual orientation with candor but also with hope--because, as she writes, "I believe that the Gospel can heal the pain that even the church has caused."
"Nothing gives church folk anxiety quite like the subject of sex. And that's why in Shameless, Pastor Nadia sets out to reclaim the conversation for a new generation. In the spirit of Martin Luther, Bolz-Weber calls for a reformation of the way believers understand and express their sexuality. To make her case, Bolz-Weber draws on experiences from her own life as well as her parishoners', then puts them side by side with biblical narrative and theology to explore what the church has taught and about sex, and the harm that has often come as a result. Along the way, Bolz-Weber reexamines patriarchy, gender, and sexual orientation with candor but also with hope--because, as she writes, "I believe that the Gospel can heal the pain that even the church has caused."
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 29, 2019
840 people are currently reading
13355 people want to read
About the author
Nadia Bolz-Weber
12 books1,403 followersNadia Bolz-Weber is the founding pastor of House for All Sinners and Saints, an ELCA mission church in Denver, Colorado.
She has a BA in Religious Studies from CU Boulder and an MDiv from Iliff School of Theology.
She has a BA in Religious Studies from CU Boulder and an MDiv from Iliff School of Theology.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,222 reviews
February 18, 2019
There are some things I like about this book. Nadia Bolz-Weber is a fantastic story teller. The book and it's contents are written in such a way that I couldn't put it down. It wasn't a matter of whether or not I agreed with it, it wast just very compelling story telling.
I also agree with NBW whole heartedly that the church has some very messed up ways of approaching sex that create a lot of problems. I would consider myself from a more conservative church tradition and have already had numerous encounters and conversations with people who did "all the right things" in waiting until marriage and had no idea about anything and have had a hard time enjoying it at all. NBW is absolutely right that the conservative evangelical church needs a sexual reformation (though I do believe that that is happening in many good ways) but I do not believe NBW's approach is helpful at all for numerous reasons.
In the book NBW takes a moment to applaud a woman who burns her bible, save for the Gospels, because of the verses about homosexuality and she just wants Jesus. The argument is that the closer something is to the story of Jesus the more authority it holds in our lives as Christ followers and because of that it's perfectly fine to just burn whatever is outside of these four gospels if it conflicts with what you believe God wants you to do with your life.
She misrepresents Augustine in some areas and other early Christian beliefs, and never gives a source from where these beliefs are supposedly found, just states them as facts. For instance, she comments on Augustine's writings about erections and and what erections might have been like in the Garden of Eden. She portrays Augustine as some sort of pervert, sex obsessed creep because of this, but she never tells you where he actually rights about this stuff or gives you any context. The lack of footnotes is frustrating for a lot of the claims she makes, but thankfully it doesn't take long to Google why Augustine wrote about erections, and it isn't anything like why NBW claims it is. It isn't a topic I would expect to hear written about, but his thought process is quite logical and makes a bit of sense even if we think it is a bit weird. But she doesn't seem concerned about that as much as she seems to care about trying to portray the past approach to sex as "taking a dump on the church and encasing it in amber" to explain why we need something completely new. She does this as well with talking about early views from Jews and early Christians about when life begins claiming that they all taught life didn't begin until the child was born and breathed, but she never gives any source for this, and again it doesn't take long to find out that it isn't really all that true, but again it's the practice of taking a nice minority view and treating it as if it was what everyone believed as it fits the narrative she spins. This goes along with a nice redefining of things such as holiness as well to fit with what she's writing.
Another concern I had was that she never really engages in scripture that might challenge her ideas, but rather just uses some stories from the Bible and wraps her position around them. This isn't really surprising given that if you can just burn scripture you don't like why waste time engaging with them? She rather tends to focus on more emotional appeals than anything, and that's the basic foundation of her belief that we need something new. Her idea is that if a belief or teaching causes harm to those wanting to pursue Jesus then we need to look at the view again and find something different. As I mentioned above, there are indeed situations where we have gotten some really twisted approaches to various topics, but at the same time this is akin to the modern discussions about homosexuality wherein one argues that a belief "harms" them because it doens't allow them to express their sexuality or gender in the way that they want to. It's more of a product of emotion and our current state of individualism in our culture and church than anything else.
Overall I'd say it's a very big echo chamber book. It is not written for those who disagree with NBW but rather to those who already want what she's offering. It seems to me to be more interested in "how do we tie the Bible to how our current culture is" but not in a redemptive way. I do believe it is a good book for those working more with the current generations so as to understand this line of thinking. That being said, she quotes Friedrich Schleiermacher's definition of heresy as being "that which preserves the appearance of Christianity, and yet contradicts its essence." I would argue that that applies to this book as well. It strives to give off the appearance of Christianity, but ultimately is more of a book that centers around the worship of self and one's own desires while trying to paperclip Jesus to it.
This book was provided to me free by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I also agree with NBW whole heartedly that the church has some very messed up ways of approaching sex that create a lot of problems. I would consider myself from a more conservative church tradition and have already had numerous encounters and conversations with people who did "all the right things" in waiting until marriage and had no idea about anything and have had a hard time enjoying it at all. NBW is absolutely right that the conservative evangelical church needs a sexual reformation (though I do believe that that is happening in many good ways) but I do not believe NBW's approach is helpful at all for numerous reasons.
In the book NBW takes a moment to applaud a woman who burns her bible, save for the Gospels, because of the verses about homosexuality and she just wants Jesus. The argument is that the closer something is to the story of Jesus the more authority it holds in our lives as Christ followers and because of that it's perfectly fine to just burn whatever is outside of these four gospels if it conflicts with what you believe God wants you to do with your life.
She misrepresents Augustine in some areas and other early Christian beliefs, and never gives a source from where these beliefs are supposedly found, just states them as facts. For instance, she comments on Augustine's writings about erections and and what erections might have been like in the Garden of Eden. She portrays Augustine as some sort of pervert, sex obsessed creep because of this, but she never tells you where he actually rights about this stuff or gives you any context. The lack of footnotes is frustrating for a lot of the claims she makes, but thankfully it doesn't take long to Google why Augustine wrote about erections, and it isn't anything like why NBW claims it is. It isn't a topic I would expect to hear written about, but his thought process is quite logical and makes a bit of sense even if we think it is a bit weird. But she doesn't seem concerned about that as much as she seems to care about trying to portray the past approach to sex as "taking a dump on the church and encasing it in amber" to explain why we need something completely new. She does this as well with talking about early views from Jews and early Christians about when life begins claiming that they all taught life didn't begin until the child was born and breathed, but she never gives any source for this, and again it doesn't take long to find out that it isn't really all that true, but again it's the practice of taking a nice minority view and treating it as if it was what everyone believed as it fits the narrative she spins. This goes along with a nice redefining of things such as holiness as well to fit with what she's writing.
Another concern I had was that she never really engages in scripture that might challenge her ideas, but rather just uses some stories from the Bible and wraps her position around them. This isn't really surprising given that if you can just burn scripture you don't like why waste time engaging with them? She rather tends to focus on more emotional appeals than anything, and that's the basic foundation of her belief that we need something new. Her idea is that if a belief or teaching causes harm to those wanting to pursue Jesus then we need to look at the view again and find something different. As I mentioned above, there are indeed situations where we have gotten some really twisted approaches to various topics, but at the same time this is akin to the modern discussions about homosexuality wherein one argues that a belief "harms" them because it doens't allow them to express their sexuality or gender in the way that they want to. It's more of a product of emotion and our current state of individualism in our culture and church than anything else.
Overall I'd say it's a very big echo chamber book. It is not written for those who disagree with NBW but rather to those who already want what she's offering. It seems to me to be more interested in "how do we tie the Bible to how our current culture is" but not in a redemptive way. I do believe it is a good book for those working more with the current generations so as to understand this line of thinking. That being said, she quotes Friedrich Schleiermacher's definition of heresy as being "that which preserves the appearance of Christianity, and yet contradicts its essence." I would argue that that applies to this book as well. It strives to give off the appearance of Christianity, but ultimately is more of a book that centers around the worship of self and one's own desires while trying to paperclip Jesus to it.
This book was provided to me free by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
January 31, 2019
I received my pre-ordered copy of Shameless yesterday in the mail and finished it this afternoon.
This isn't a book.
This is a kindness.
With a gentle yet authoritative voice, Nadia deconstructs the 'sex is dirty but necessary' theology that has been the cornerstone of control in Christianity lo these many years.
As someone who grew up in 'fundiland' where this type of control was like iron bars around the psyche (and often times the advocates were little hedonists caught up in their inability to escape their own humanity), I have so often struggled with being gay and loving the Lord.
So many people, and sometimes even I, would ask "How do you deal with being gay and being a Christian?"
Sometimes that's asked politely. Other times it comes with 'side eye' suspicion.
In a lot of ways, I couldn't. I, married these eight years to another man, another Christian of a different sect, was made squeamish at the idea of Jesus knowing my sex life. There was a duality there of self that felt schizophrenic with all the damage that word entails including the absolute shame around my body and my desire.
Nadia, however, moves from Sage and kind minister to Warrior Shepard, hell-bent on protecting the faithful.
This work isn't just a call to be kinder to ourselves and faithful that God doesn't make junk - this book levels a gimlet eye on those who've manipulated the gospel for the sake of domination. For power. For the ability to protect an obscene practice (racial discrimination) disguised in the abortion fight that has destroyed more lives and destroyed more people than it has ever saved. This is an important message that social justice advocates and women's rights advocates had better learn and understand. After all, you can't talk about the reformation without Martin Luther and the emergence of Protestantism. Therefore, you cannot talk about the aforementioned movements to secure rights for people without knowing men like Bob Jones Sr., Jerry Falwell, and Oral Roberts and the 'moral majority'.
This was a brilliant work. This ex fundi kid who is scarred from head to toe thanks you.
See:
Bob Jones Sr. vs The United States
War on Drugs
William Rehnquist
Mass Incarceration
(https://www.politico.com/magazine/sto...).
This isn't a book.
This is a kindness.
With a gentle yet authoritative voice, Nadia deconstructs the 'sex is dirty but necessary' theology that has been the cornerstone of control in Christianity lo these many years.
As someone who grew up in 'fundiland' where this type of control was like iron bars around the psyche (and often times the advocates were little hedonists caught up in their inability to escape their own humanity), I have so often struggled with being gay and loving the Lord.
So many people, and sometimes even I, would ask "How do you deal with being gay and being a Christian?"
Sometimes that's asked politely. Other times it comes with 'side eye' suspicion.
In a lot of ways, I couldn't. I, married these eight years to another man, another Christian of a different sect, was made squeamish at the idea of Jesus knowing my sex life. There was a duality there of self that felt schizophrenic with all the damage that word entails including the absolute shame around my body and my desire.
Nadia, however, moves from Sage and kind minister to Warrior Shepard, hell-bent on protecting the faithful.
This work isn't just a call to be kinder to ourselves and faithful that God doesn't make junk - this book levels a gimlet eye on those who've manipulated the gospel for the sake of domination. For power. For the ability to protect an obscene practice (racial discrimination) disguised in the abortion fight that has destroyed more lives and destroyed more people than it has ever saved. This is an important message that social justice advocates and women's rights advocates had better learn and understand. After all, you can't talk about the reformation without Martin Luther and the emergence of Protestantism. Therefore, you cannot talk about the aforementioned movements to secure rights for people without knowing men like Bob Jones Sr., Jerry Falwell, and Oral Roberts and the 'moral majority'.
This was a brilliant work. This ex fundi kid who is scarred from head to toe thanks you.
See:
Bob Jones Sr. vs The United States
War on Drugs
William Rehnquist
Mass Incarceration
(https://www.politico.com/magazine/sto...).
January 23, 2019
No review this time, only: this book is first-aid.
September 4, 2020
"If the teachings of the church are harming the bodies and spirits of people, we should rethink those teachings." Amen!
Faith + Restoration + Sexual Reformation + and a whole lot of swearing!
Who This Book Is For:
If you've had someone tell you (pastor, counselor, parents, or otherwise) that God doesn't love you because x, y, z, and it was harmful to you, if it affected you negatively in life, then this book is for you.
Your sexuality is a gift. If it has been shamed, or if that part of you feels stained for whatever reason, this may be worth checking out.
-An important section shared how women more often than men, are taught that sex before marriage is impure and unclean, and that perfect marriage would enfold to those who wait. Purity rings etc... This type of shame and control is addressed and I am passionately here for it! It's time to address these fear tactics of control that do no good to the soul.
Special attention is given to the LGBTQ+ community. Real stories of how the church laws and parts of the Bible being enforced in church groups and at home were extremely harmful to these children growing up, and how that affected their adulthood, are shared with heartbreaking detail.
And lastly, if you are uncomfortable with the topic or act of sex (age-appropriate), or if you feel uncomfortable in your own nakedness, again this may be worth checking out.
Who This Book Is Not For:
If you are highly religious and follow the old rules to a T, this most definitely is not the book for you. If you cannot love thy neighbor, no matter sexual preference, this is not the book for you. If you pray for someone's sexuality to be other than what it is, this is NOT the book for you. (Even though these types need to read this information the most.)
-If you are one of those judgy Christians, please realize how harmful you are being when you are not giving love and giving judgment instead. Judgment is a stain you place on someone else, they don't know how it got there, and they can't get it off. When the SNAKE shared HIS own judgments about the Tree of Knowledge with Adam and Eve, HIS judgments paired with their actions- "to gain approval" separated humanity from the Creator even more! Don't be a SNAKE giving YOUR judgments, it will only separate people further, do you see? Approval isn't needed, LOVE is.
The author is a tattooed, swearing, raw, and real human being who happens to be a straight, female, former pastor, previous stand up comic, and a recovering alcoholic. I loved her perspectives on many topics, as they are beliefs/issues I have with the church and Christianity myself, but not many around me, shared the same views:
•We are not judges, and should never act as so towards a group or even an individual.
•Everyone deserves to be loved, no matter sexual preference.
•Abstinence and Purity Culture are fear tactics, not helpful for everyone.
-In the majority of cases, when you tell someone not to do something and keep the knowledge hidden (talking about sex) they will go and learn and do the very thing. Sound familiar? It's in our nature, just like Adam and Eve and the tree of knowledge they were to never eat from.
•Segregation is not the goal, the author is happy to preach so.
I loved this. Never do you hear preachers/pastors talk about the Trans community or otherwise in a positive way. Growing up in the Midwest I'd heard many fearful and negative things said and done that simply weren't true. Fearing sex, hoping it doesn't happen, and not teaching children about it, not preparing people for creation, to just leave young minds hanging like that, for them to figure it out on their own is completely (I'm with the author here) irresponsible. Should we be passing out condoms and birth control like candy? Maybe not, but we should not be shying away, fearing our sexuality. We should be SHAMELESS. I laughed when the author spoke about the porn pandemic and then said, look at all the NAKED Tribes still operating out there... we have done this to ourselves. We have created this cover-up and shameful culture around sexuality that is indeed backfiring. I'm so happy it's being addressed.
This book is a message of the restorative love all those hurt, need. It's time for a sexual reformation of being SHAMELESS!
PS- the (ARC) jacket cover of the Garden of Eden + Adam, Eve, and the Snake being the only three items in color along with the yellow title, is GORGEOUS!
Much gratitude to publisher Convergent Books for the hardback ARC I won in 2019 via the Goodreads Giveaway Program. I was under no obligation to write a review, my honest opinion is freely given.
Faith + Restoration + Sexual Reformation + and a whole lot of swearing!
Who This Book Is For:
If you've had someone tell you (pastor, counselor, parents, or otherwise) that God doesn't love you because x, y, z, and it was harmful to you, if it affected you negatively in life, then this book is for you.
Your sexuality is a gift. If it has been shamed, or if that part of you feels stained for whatever reason, this may be worth checking out.
-An important section shared how women more often than men, are taught that sex before marriage is impure and unclean, and that perfect marriage would enfold to those who wait. Purity rings etc... This type of shame and control is addressed and I am passionately here for it! It's time to address these fear tactics of control that do no good to the soul.
Special attention is given to the LGBTQ+ community. Real stories of how the church laws and parts of the Bible being enforced in church groups and at home were extremely harmful to these children growing up, and how that affected their adulthood, are shared with heartbreaking detail.
And lastly, if you are uncomfortable with the topic or act of sex (age-appropriate), or if you feel uncomfortable in your own nakedness, again this may be worth checking out.
Who This Book Is Not For:
If you are highly religious and follow the old rules to a T, this most definitely is not the book for you. If you cannot love thy neighbor, no matter sexual preference, this is not the book for you. If you pray for someone's sexuality to be other than what it is, this is NOT the book for you. (Even though these types need to read this information the most.)
-If you are one of those judgy Christians, please realize how harmful you are being when you are not giving love and giving judgment instead. Judgment is a stain you place on someone else, they don't know how it got there, and they can't get it off. When the SNAKE shared HIS own judgments about the Tree of Knowledge with Adam and Eve, HIS judgments paired with their actions- "to gain approval" separated humanity from the Creator even more! Don't be a SNAKE giving YOUR judgments, it will only separate people further, do you see? Approval isn't needed, LOVE is.
The author is a tattooed, swearing, raw, and real human being who happens to be a straight, female, former pastor, previous stand up comic, and a recovering alcoholic. I loved her perspectives on many topics, as they are beliefs/issues I have with the church and Christianity myself, but not many around me, shared the same views:
•We are not judges, and should never act as so towards a group or even an individual.
•Everyone deserves to be loved, no matter sexual preference.
•Abstinence and Purity Culture are fear tactics, not helpful for everyone.
-In the majority of cases, when you tell someone not to do something and keep the knowledge hidden (talking about sex) they will go and learn and do the very thing. Sound familiar? It's in our nature, just like Adam and Eve and the tree of knowledge they were to never eat from.
•Segregation is not the goal, the author is happy to preach so.
I loved this. Never do you hear preachers/pastors talk about the Trans community or otherwise in a positive way. Growing up in the Midwest I'd heard many fearful and negative things said and done that simply weren't true. Fearing sex, hoping it doesn't happen, and not teaching children about it, not preparing people for creation, to just leave young minds hanging like that, for them to figure it out on their own is completely (I'm with the author here) irresponsible. Should we be passing out condoms and birth control like candy? Maybe not, but we should not be shying away, fearing our sexuality. We should be SHAMELESS. I laughed when the author spoke about the porn pandemic and then said, look at all the NAKED Tribes still operating out there... we have done this to ourselves. We have created this cover-up and shameful culture around sexuality that is indeed backfiring. I'm so happy it's being addressed.
This book is a message of the restorative love all those hurt, need. It's time for a sexual reformation of being SHAMELESS!
PS- the (ARC) jacket cover of the Garden of Eden + Adam, Eve, and the Snake being the only three items in color along with the yellow title, is GORGEOUS!
Much gratitude to publisher Convergent Books for the hardback ARC I won in 2019 via the Goodreads Giveaway Program. I was under no obligation to write a review, my honest opinion is freely given.
April 30, 2019
I may not agree with everything Pastor Bolz-Weber states in her book, but I liked her unusual style.
I vaguely recall hearing about her in the last few years, with the U.S. media of course playing up her unconventional flair and appearance as a Lutheran-based minister in Colorado. Her (now former) church's name? The House For All Sinners and Saints - how wonderfully inclusive! From what I've read / watched on the Web I'd say Bolz-Weber's take on Christianity is sort of like the Hard Rock Cafe motto - "Love All, Serve All." (But, unfortunately, not everyone shares in that feeling. A number of comments on her YouTube videos call her 'a heretic,' ' a blasphemer,' and much worse things.)
With Shameless, Bolz-Weber occasionally makes a pretty good argument that Christianity in America is sort of stuck in a rut regarding sex. (I thought of movie critic Roger Ebert's observation, which I'll paraphrase-mangle here, that American viewers are comfortable watching heads / limbs being blown away on the big screen, yet conversely a graphic love-making scene is taboo.) Or, to put it another way, the church still has some antiquated Victorian-era attitudes in place about sexuality.
Funny enough, I realize as I type this review I am pretty uncomfortable talking about the content of Shameless because of the overall subject matter. (Alanis would sing "Isn't it ironic, don't you think?" I know it's not irony, but you get the idea . . .) Bolz-Weber has assembled some good, some humorous, and some occasionally heartbreaking experiences from her parishioners and her own life. When she presents ideas and opinions on the church having a more open-minded or accepting stance it usually seemed like good common sense, and not some rocket ride that would send us straight to hell.
"Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation." -- Henry Ward Beecher, minister
I vaguely recall hearing about her in the last few years, with the U.S. media of course playing up her unconventional flair and appearance as a Lutheran-based minister in Colorado. Her (now former) church's name? The House For All Sinners and Saints - how wonderfully inclusive! From what I've read / watched on the Web I'd say Bolz-Weber's take on Christianity is sort of like the Hard Rock Cafe motto - "Love All, Serve All." (But, unfortunately, not everyone shares in that feeling. A number of comments on her YouTube videos call her 'a heretic,' ' a blasphemer,' and much worse things.)
With Shameless, Bolz-Weber occasionally makes a pretty good argument that Christianity in America is sort of stuck in a rut regarding sex. (I thought of movie critic Roger Ebert's observation, which I'll paraphrase-mangle here, that American viewers are comfortable watching heads / limbs being blown away on the big screen, yet conversely a graphic love-making scene is taboo.) Or, to put it another way, the church still has some antiquated Victorian-era attitudes in place about sexuality.
Funny enough, I realize as I type this review I am pretty uncomfortable talking about the content of Shameless because of the overall subject matter. (Alanis would sing "Isn't it ironic, don't you think?" I know it's not irony, but you get the idea . . .) Bolz-Weber has assembled some good, some humorous, and some occasionally heartbreaking experiences from her parishioners and her own life. When she presents ideas and opinions on the church having a more open-minded or accepting stance it usually seemed like good common sense, and not some rocket ride that would send us straight to hell.
"Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation." -- Henry Ward Beecher, minister
November 29, 2020
The first words that come to my mind to describe “Shameless” by Nadia Bolz-Weber are "pastoral, healing, water for a dry and weary soul."
The money quote for me came in the introduction:
"We should not be more loyal to an idea, a doctrine, or an interpretation of a Bible verse than we are to people. If the teachings of the church are harming the bodies and spirits of people, we should rethink those teachings." (5)
Right after that, Nadia reminds us that 500 years ago Martin Luther took a close look at the harm in his parishioners’ spiritual lives. In his case he focused on the damage that came from them trying to fulfill sacramental obligations that the church said would appease an angry God. Luther was bold and daring enough to believe that Christians could find freedom from the harm their church and done to them: “Luther was less loyal to the teachings of the church than he was to people, and this helped spark what is now known as the Protestant Reformation." (5)
I also loved the illustration of the irrigation system that only waters in a circular pattern, leaving the corners and edges of the farmland without water. Nadia says this book is for those un-watered places, for the ones who do not fit inside the small circle of the church’s behavior codes. "This book […] is water, I hope, for those planted in the corners. [...] This book is for the young Evangelical who silently disagrees with the church’s stance on sex and sexual orientation, yet feels alone in that silence. This book is for anyone who wonders, even subconsciously: Has the church obsessed over this too much? Do we really think we’ve gotten it right?"
Nadia writes, “our sexual and gender expressions are as integral to who we are as our religious upbringings are. To separate these aspects of ourselves—to separate life as a sexual being from a life with God—is to bifurcate our psyche, like a musical progression that never comes to resolution."
Nadia makes me laugh several times throughout the book also: “So if the traditional teachings of the church around sex and the body have caused no harm in the lives of the people around you, and have even provided them a plan for true human flourishing, then this book probably is not for you. (Good news, though: the Christian publishing world is your oyster. There you’ll find no lack of books to uphold and even help you double down on your beliefs.)"
She made me laugh again at the end of chapter 5. In this chapter Nadia talks about the day that she and several of her parishioners worked together to write their "Denver Statement" in response to "The Nashville Statement". She then showed us snippets from both. The very end of The Nashville Statement says, “WE DENY that the Lord’s arm is too short to save or that any sinner is beyond his reach." The counter line from The Denver Statement says, “WE DENY that God is a boy and has actual arms." 😂
Other quotes and passages that really struck me:
From the introduction:
- "I will not indulge in the sin of false equivalency. To admit that both the church and our culture can cause harm is not the same as saying the harm from both is equivalent. It is not. Because as harmful as the messages from society are, what society does not do is say that these messages are from God. Our culture does not say to me that the creator of the universe is disgusted by my cellulite."
- "Let us consider the harm that has been caused in God’s name, but let’s not be satisfied with stopping there. We must reach for a new Christian sexual ethic."
- "Where sex is concerned, for sexual flourishing to occur we must be guided by more than just the absence of “no” and the absence of harm. That’s why I believe we must also bring concern to our consent and mutuality. Concern moves us closer to the heart of Jesus’s own ethic: love God and our neighbor as ourselves. It requires us to act on another’s behalf. It reframes the choice entirely outside of our own self-interest in a way that consent and mutuality alone do not.”
- “Concern means taking notice of how our sexual behavior affects ourselves and each other. I may be having a mutually pleasurable, consensual relationship with someone, but if I am cheating on my spouse at the time, I have failed to show concern for the person I am married to. If I am in a crisis and totally distraught, I may be more likely to consent to sex when in fact it is the last thing I need. If someone intuits this and sleeps with me anyway, they have consent, but they are not showing care and concern. A sexual ethic that includes concern means seeing someone as a whole person and not just a willing body. The only way to show true concern for ourselves and others is to see, to pay attention."
From Chapter 1:
- “The Greek word for salvation is sozo, which means “to heal, bring wholeness, preserve.” This is what God does. God heals fractured parts of ourselves back together into wholeness."
- "Holiness is the union we experience with one another and with God. Holiness is when more than one become one, when what is fractured is made whole. Singing in harmony. Breastfeeding a baby. Collective bargaining. Dancing. Admitting our pain to someone, and hearing them say, “Me too.” Holiness happens when we are integrated as physical, spiritual, sexual, emotional, and political beings. Holiness is the song that has always been sung, perhaps even the sound that was first spoken when God said, “Let there be light".
- "Whether we realize it or not, we often find ways to alleviate feelings of existential aloneness through the seeking of unity. We fill our lives with things that distract us from the sound of our deepest isolation tapping at the window. Food, entertainment, success, sex, relationships, busyness, gossip—there are plenty of ways to divert our attention from the unavoidable, terrifying aloneness of human existence. But there is a difference between distraction from and alleviation of. Moments of unity—holiness—actually alleviate isolation, which is not the same as simply distracting us from our isolation. In the same way, smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee distract from the feelings of hunger, but eating food alleviates them. Temporarily, of course. But that is what it means to be human."
- "To connect to the holy is to access the deepest, juiciest part of our spirits. Perhaps this is why we set up so many boundaries, protections, and rules around both sex and religion. Both pursuits expose such a large surface area of the self, which can then be either hurt or healed. But when the boundaries, protections, and rules become more important than the sacred thing they are intended to protect, casualties ensue."
- "Holiness is about union with, and purity is about separation from."
From Chapter 2:
- "The nineteenth-century theologian Friedrich Schleiermacher defines heresy as “that which preserves the appearance of Christianity, and yet contradicts its essence.”
- “The heresy is this: with all the trappings of Christianity behind us, we who seek to justify or maintain our dominance over another group of people have historically used the Bible, Genesis in particular, to prove that domination is not actually an abuse of power at the expense of others, but is indeed part of “God’s plan.”
Footnote 52:
"The best definition of sin I have ever heard is found in Francis Spufford’s book Unapologetic: Why, Despite Everything, Christianity Can Still Make Surprising Emotional Sense (New York: HarperOne, 2013), where he defines it as HPFTU: “the Human Propensity to F*** Things Up.”
Thanks to Crown Publishing, Convergent Books, and NetGalley for the ARC. I also ended up purchasing the audiobook through Audible as well. I really enjoy hearing books read by their author.
The money quote for me came in the introduction:
"We should not be more loyal to an idea, a doctrine, or an interpretation of a Bible verse than we are to people. If the teachings of the church are harming the bodies and spirits of people, we should rethink those teachings." (5)
Right after that, Nadia reminds us that 500 years ago Martin Luther took a close look at the harm in his parishioners’ spiritual lives. In his case he focused on the damage that came from them trying to fulfill sacramental obligations that the church said would appease an angry God. Luther was bold and daring enough to believe that Christians could find freedom from the harm their church and done to them: “Luther was less loyal to the teachings of the church than he was to people, and this helped spark what is now known as the Protestant Reformation." (5)
I also loved the illustration of the irrigation system that only waters in a circular pattern, leaving the corners and edges of the farmland without water. Nadia says this book is for those un-watered places, for the ones who do not fit inside the small circle of the church’s behavior codes. "This book […] is water, I hope, for those planted in the corners. [...] This book is for the young Evangelical who silently disagrees with the church’s stance on sex and sexual orientation, yet feels alone in that silence. This book is for anyone who wonders, even subconsciously: Has the church obsessed over this too much? Do we really think we’ve gotten it right?"
Nadia writes, “our sexual and gender expressions are as integral to who we are as our religious upbringings are. To separate these aspects of ourselves—to separate life as a sexual being from a life with God—is to bifurcate our psyche, like a musical progression that never comes to resolution."
Nadia makes me laugh several times throughout the book also: “So if the traditional teachings of the church around sex and the body have caused no harm in the lives of the people around you, and have even provided them a plan for true human flourishing, then this book probably is not for you. (Good news, though: the Christian publishing world is your oyster. There you’ll find no lack of books to uphold and even help you double down on your beliefs.)"
She made me laugh again at the end of chapter 5. In this chapter Nadia talks about the day that she and several of her parishioners worked together to write their "Denver Statement" in response to "The Nashville Statement". She then showed us snippets from both. The very end of The Nashville Statement says, “WE DENY that the Lord’s arm is too short to save or that any sinner is beyond his reach." The counter line from The Denver Statement says, “WE DENY that God is a boy and has actual arms." 😂
Other quotes and passages that really struck me:
From the introduction:
- "I will not indulge in the sin of false equivalency. To admit that both the church and our culture can cause harm is not the same as saying the harm from both is equivalent. It is not. Because as harmful as the messages from society are, what society does not do is say that these messages are from God. Our culture does not say to me that the creator of the universe is disgusted by my cellulite."
- "Let us consider the harm that has been caused in God’s name, but let’s not be satisfied with stopping there. We must reach for a new Christian sexual ethic."
- "Where sex is concerned, for sexual flourishing to occur we must be guided by more than just the absence of “no” and the absence of harm. That’s why I believe we must also bring concern to our consent and mutuality. Concern moves us closer to the heart of Jesus’s own ethic: love God and our neighbor as ourselves. It requires us to act on another’s behalf. It reframes the choice entirely outside of our own self-interest in a way that consent and mutuality alone do not.”
- “Concern means taking notice of how our sexual behavior affects ourselves and each other. I may be having a mutually pleasurable, consensual relationship with someone, but if I am cheating on my spouse at the time, I have failed to show concern for the person I am married to. If I am in a crisis and totally distraught, I may be more likely to consent to sex when in fact it is the last thing I need. If someone intuits this and sleeps with me anyway, they have consent, but they are not showing care and concern. A sexual ethic that includes concern means seeing someone as a whole person and not just a willing body. The only way to show true concern for ourselves and others is to see, to pay attention."
From Chapter 1:
- “The Greek word for salvation is sozo, which means “to heal, bring wholeness, preserve.” This is what God does. God heals fractured parts of ourselves back together into wholeness."
- "Holiness is the union we experience with one another and with God. Holiness is when more than one become one, when what is fractured is made whole. Singing in harmony. Breastfeeding a baby. Collective bargaining. Dancing. Admitting our pain to someone, and hearing them say, “Me too.” Holiness happens when we are integrated as physical, spiritual, sexual, emotional, and political beings. Holiness is the song that has always been sung, perhaps even the sound that was first spoken when God said, “Let there be light".
- "Whether we realize it or not, we often find ways to alleviate feelings of existential aloneness through the seeking of unity. We fill our lives with things that distract us from the sound of our deepest isolation tapping at the window. Food, entertainment, success, sex, relationships, busyness, gossip—there are plenty of ways to divert our attention from the unavoidable, terrifying aloneness of human existence. But there is a difference between distraction from and alleviation of. Moments of unity—holiness—actually alleviate isolation, which is not the same as simply distracting us from our isolation. In the same way, smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee distract from the feelings of hunger, but eating food alleviates them. Temporarily, of course. But that is what it means to be human."
- "To connect to the holy is to access the deepest, juiciest part of our spirits. Perhaps this is why we set up so many boundaries, protections, and rules around both sex and religion. Both pursuits expose such a large surface area of the self, which can then be either hurt or healed. But when the boundaries, protections, and rules become more important than the sacred thing they are intended to protect, casualties ensue."
- "Holiness is about union with, and purity is about separation from."
From Chapter 2:
- "The nineteenth-century theologian Friedrich Schleiermacher defines heresy as “that which preserves the appearance of Christianity, and yet contradicts its essence.”
- “The heresy is this: with all the trappings of Christianity behind us, we who seek to justify or maintain our dominance over another group of people have historically used the Bible, Genesis in particular, to prove that domination is not actually an abuse of power at the expense of others, but is indeed part of “God’s plan.”
Footnote 52:
"The best definition of sin I have ever heard is found in Francis Spufford’s book Unapologetic: Why, Despite Everything, Christianity Can Still Make Surprising Emotional Sense (New York: HarperOne, 2013), where he defines it as HPFTU: “the Human Propensity to F*** Things Up.”
Thanks to Crown Publishing, Convergent Books, and NetGalley for the ARC. I also ended up purchasing the audiobook through Audible as well. I really enjoy hearing books read by their author.
February 28, 2019
I read this because a friend of mine had read it and highly recommended it. Unfortunately, I cannot do the same. The author comes to the subject, and to the Bible, with her preconceived bias (yes, we all do); however, her theology and exegesis are faulty. She makes assumptions, and doesn’t seem to know anything about an historical/cultural hermeneutic.
I agree that in many places the church today is shame based. And this is a tragedy. But, the answer is not “do whatever you want.” The answer lies in rightly interpreting God’s word and applying it to our lives in a loving way.
This book does not do that.
I agree that in many places the church today is shame based. And this is a tragedy. But, the answer is not “do whatever you want.” The answer lies in rightly interpreting God’s word and applying it to our lives in a loving way.
This book does not do that.
March 11, 2019
I would give more than 5 stars if possible. Such a great important book for being fully human.
February 25, 2019
There's still a lot in here that I'm trying to figure out why I react to it the way I do. Overall, I think she's on to something. The shame-based view of sex that pervades the church and the instruction of youth is destructive. I don't follow her everywhere she goes, but it's an important conversation to have.
January 22, 2025
This book definitely has Bolz-Weber's characteristic conversational style that has made all of her earlier works incredibly readable. And just like her earlier works, it also made me cry cathartically at different points. I think "Shameless" fills a much needed gap in Christian nonfiction on sex, sexuality and the body.
January 24, 2019
My marriages were pretty disastrous. Counselors, both Christian and secular, told me to just allow my husband all the sex he wanted, whenever and however he wanted it - and all would be better. Trite tips on how to parrot his requests to improve communication. I was always the aggressor, refusing to back down in my admonition that communication and sex weren't the real problems. My first husband was addicted to pornography. My second was mentally ill. But somehow, they were victims.
I researched and did all the self-help - secular and churchy. I dove down that evangelical rabbit hole. I've been divorced (gasp!) and church members just wanted to pray for reconciliation (no!). I thought purity culture might be the answer. (It's not.)
I tried to be the perfect Christian wife. I am not a quiet meek little mouse. I was ostracized, criticized, alienated for being myself. A cis straight white woman - homemaker and homeschooler. I can't even imagine what others face.
I'm just really tired of it all. Something has to change.
I have three daughters and a son. What narrative about sexuality do I want them to learn? From whom do I want them to learn about it? It's important to do more than have The Talk. How do I help my kids make sense of it all? I want them to have healthy relationships. It has to be an ongoing conversation and I have to learn alongside my kids and have no fear.
Sex sells. Sex permeates our society. Sex affects all our relationships - with coworkers, acquaintances, authority figures. People who see everything in black and white say just always avoid being alone with someone of the opposite sex, as if that protects everyone from abuse, assault, accusation.
We need a sexual reformation in the church.
I preordered the book and received a galley copy from the publisher, Convergent/Penguin Random House.
I researched and did all the self-help - secular and churchy. I dove down that evangelical rabbit hole. I've been divorced (gasp!) and church members just wanted to pray for reconciliation (no!). I thought purity culture might be the answer. (It's not.)
I tried to be the perfect Christian wife. I am not a quiet meek little mouse. I was ostracized, criticized, alienated for being myself. A cis straight white woman - homemaker and homeschooler. I can't even imagine what others face.
I'm just really tired of it all. Something has to change.
I have three daughters and a son. What narrative about sexuality do I want them to learn? From whom do I want them to learn about it? It's important to do more than have The Talk. How do I help my kids make sense of it all? I want them to have healthy relationships. It has to be an ongoing conversation and I have to learn alongside my kids and have no fear.
Sex sells. Sex permeates our society. Sex affects all our relationships - with coworkers, acquaintances, authority figures. People who see everything in black and white say just always avoid being alone with someone of the opposite sex, as if that protects everyone from abuse, assault, accusation.
We need a sexual reformation in the church.
I preordered the book and received a galley copy from the publisher, Convergent/Penguin Random House.
February 7, 2019
I love everyone after reading this book. It is a transformative essay. Based on common sense (logic), scripture, history, study of serious social scientists and a strong and abiding faith in what Christianity means to the author and her flock, it is a view of the Christian faith making me feel validated, no longer alone. These same thoughts, sometimes exactly and sometimes in a less mature less organized, and less articulate formulation are what I have been preaching to my friends and associates for years. (They are all tired of hearing me drone on about it [including many who are reading this review].) This is a book full of grace, love, caring, forgiveness and all of those traditions and principles which make Christianity what it was meant to be. This book will remain on my favorites list and may be the first for which I might dare to write the author a letter of gratitude and support.
January 31, 2019
I've come to expect thought-provoking, pastorally-oriented books from Nadia Bolz-Weber and Shameless did not disappoint. I deeply resonated with one of Nadia's metaphors for sexuality -- she likened it to how crops are planted in squares and grids, but watered in circles. Thus, when one is flying over the Mid-west, you can see square patches of land that contain circles. She likens the church's teachings on sexuality to circle-irrigation -- some of the teachings don't reach those who are "planted in the corners."
Nadia wants to move beyond a shame-based, "just say no," sexual ethic to one that is concerned with sexual flourishing (as a part of human flourishing) for all people. And I applaud her vision for that.
I disagreed with a few of her ideas throughout the book, but there is room for different ideas or disagreement about what would constitute flourishing. This book is definitely worth a read and worth pondering.
The one thing that I was disappointed about is that Nadia Bolz-Weber does not address issues of sexual assault and sexual abuse in her book. She mentions in the introduction that those themes came up in her interviews and research with an "alarming regularity" but that she was unprepared to write about it in her book.
I appreciated her acknowledgement, but I was disappointed, because I count on Nadia to tell the truth about difficult subjects. This is the pastor, who in "Accidental Saints," suggested that Adam Lanza be counted among the victims of the Sandy Hook shooting because he, too, was a child of God, beloved by God.
That kind of pastoral and prophetic thinking is why I turn to Nadia Bolz-Weber and trust her voice. I wish I could have heard that pastoral and prophetic response to the #MeToo movement and the crisis of sexual abuse within the church (and world), too.
All in all, this is an important book. I hope it will be read widely and pondered thoughtfully.
Nadia wants to move beyond a shame-based, "just say no," sexual ethic to one that is concerned with sexual flourishing (as a part of human flourishing) for all people. And I applaud her vision for that.
I disagreed with a few of her ideas throughout the book, but there is room for different ideas or disagreement about what would constitute flourishing. This book is definitely worth a read and worth pondering.
The one thing that I was disappointed about is that Nadia Bolz-Weber does not address issues of sexual assault and sexual abuse in her book. She mentions in the introduction that those themes came up in her interviews and research with an "alarming regularity" but that she was unprepared to write about it in her book.
I appreciated her acknowledgement, but I was disappointed, because I count on Nadia to tell the truth about difficult subjects. This is the pastor, who in "Accidental Saints," suggested that Adam Lanza be counted among the victims of the Sandy Hook shooting because he, too, was a child of God, beloved by God.
That kind of pastoral and prophetic thinking is why I turn to Nadia Bolz-Weber and trust her voice. I wish I could have heard that pastoral and prophetic response to the #MeToo movement and the crisis of sexual abuse within the church (and world), too.
All in all, this is an important book. I hope it will be read widely and pondered thoughtfully.
February 24, 2019
I thought this was a worthwhile read. it expanded my worldview and I enjoyed the author's rewriting of "the fall" story from Genesis. I'm not on board with everything she said theologically, but she doesn't claim to be a theologian. actually, there's a lot in the book I don't necessarily agree with or understand but I'm grateful she wrote it because I believe the way the church has dealt with sex has been shameful and shame-based and we need to move on in a healthier way when we approach the subject with our children.
August 24, 2018
I read this book on Netgalley and it is utterly incredible. If you’ve ever felt guilt about who you are due to bad experiences with a church, you need this book. It is far from conservative and Bolz-Weber is really reaching out to those folks who feel like they no longer have a relationship with Jesus because of shame. Highly recommend.
March 2, 2019
This is an antidote to I Kissed Dating Goodbye and other harmful repressive teachings Evangelicals have been told about sex and sexuality. It is a quasi-memoir with literary interludes. Because so much has emerged about religious institutions and sexual abuse, I hope Bolz-Weber writes a follow-up focusing specifically on that.
April 13, 2019
Growing up in evangelical purity culture f’ed me right up. Reading this book made me cry, first in grief for all the time that’s been wasted, then in joy because I got out and found something better than self-hatred. Well, like, sometimes. Healing takes time.
July 10, 2019
I grew up in broadly evangelical churches and it was ingrained in me that as a female, my body was a temptation to men, that I had to be careful how I used it and dressed it so as not to lead others astray. It made me more self conscious of my body and in my body, at times ashamed at how I was made. Only as an adult did I recognize that such expectations puts all the blame and responsibility on women - what about expecting men to develop self-control and holding them accountable for their actions? This thinking is backwards, and I can't help but think of common follow-ups after a rape account: "But what was she wearing?? Was she drunk??"
A powerful sermon I heard on sexuality exposed how the church has made sexuality too much of an idol - we fixate on it, to the point where we can corrupt ourselves. Casting sexuality as bad and terrible outside of marriage, for instance, can cause difficulty transitioning to being prepared to explore once married.
Nadia Bolz-Weber, the outspoken, tattooed Lutheran pastor has made a name for herself and her church of misfits. In previous books, she has spoken at length of her congregation and the life that brought her there. When I read of how people who had been marginalized and ostracized finding God again, I celebrated how Bolz-Weber was instrumental in that. In Shameless: A Sexual Reformation, she turns to the purity culture and other issues she sees as a problem, again using interviews with those in her congregation to frame her narrative.
I struggled with this book. It absolutely includes some messages I resonate with, but I am hesitant to recommend it, since delves into issues that I can't agree with. Bolz-Weber reveals that her marriage of nearly 20 years dissolved amiably and now she is back with a boyfriend from her past, and I can't help but wonder how much of this book is a way to justify walking away from a marriage with no substantive issues in order to pursue passion.
Much as society trends can feel like pendulum swings across generations, this is a not-unexpected response to purity culture; but while this book can lead to important conversations, in some ways it feels a swing too far.
(I received a digital ARC from Crown Publishing via NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.)
A powerful sermon I heard on sexuality exposed how the church has made sexuality too much of an idol - we fixate on it, to the point where we can corrupt ourselves. Casting sexuality as bad and terrible outside of marriage, for instance, can cause difficulty transitioning to being prepared to explore once married.
Nadia Bolz-Weber, the outspoken, tattooed Lutheran pastor has made a name for herself and her church of misfits. In previous books, she has spoken at length of her congregation and the life that brought her there. When I read of how people who had been marginalized and ostracized finding God again, I celebrated how Bolz-Weber was instrumental in that. In Shameless: A Sexual Reformation, she turns to the purity culture and other issues she sees as a problem, again using interviews with those in her congregation to frame her narrative.
I struggled with this book. It absolutely includes some messages I resonate with, but I am hesitant to recommend it, since delves into issues that I can't agree with. Bolz-Weber reveals that her marriage of nearly 20 years dissolved amiably and now she is back with a boyfriend from her past, and I can't help but wonder how much of this book is a way to justify walking away from a marriage with no substantive issues in order to pursue passion.
Much as society trends can feel like pendulum swings across generations, this is a not-unexpected response to purity culture; but while this book can lead to important conversations, in some ways it feels a swing too far.
(I received a digital ARC from Crown Publishing via NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.)
March 14, 2019
What a freakin fantastic book. Having grown up in a baptist church as a gay kid, this book means a lot. Bolz-Weber is concise, funny, blunt and loving all a the same time. It was refreshing to read a book concerning spirituality and sexuality that was positive without completely disregarding the pain and difficulties many people have endured at the hands of the church. I'm sure I'll be recommending this book to many people.
March 5, 2020
I'm certain that this book is highly controversial and even offensive in more conservative Christian circles. This book is absolutely not going to be a hit with everyone, and I'm sure has caused discomfort and strong disagreement by critics for the way Nadia openly discusses homosexuality, divorce, abortion, patriarchy within the church, toxic purity culture, scripture interpretation and more.
Nadia is an author, theologian, pastor, and founder of the Denver-area Lutheran Church known as House For All Sinners and Saints. She takes our entire traditional view of sex, clouded with secrecy and shame, and throws a wrench in it. The fact that this book sat face down on my desk because of the cover image is a prime example of just how ingrained in us sexual shame and so-called "purity culture" is. I was even nervous to post that I read this and open myself up to criticism and concern. I'm a 33 year old woman who has birthed 2 children, but a book about sex? Scandalous! Christians have issues with sex, y'all. 🙈
Early in the book, Nadia reminds us that Jesus wanted connection. He was loyal to the law, but never at the expense of the people. She also reminds us that humans have inserted things into scripture (like apples, curses and female fault) that aren't in the original text, because we insert our humanness into everything. We can't help ourselves. So maybe, just maybe, sexual shame didn't come from God. Maybe it's high time we stop teaching people that their bodies and their sexuality are a source of shame.
We are just as impossibly human as we were 2000 years ago, so maybe it's time we consider how much of scripture we are still getting wrong, and the damage we've caused.
Matthew says good trees will bear good fruit. If the fruit is shamed, bruised, and damaged by the tree, can we really call it good? Is the fruit good if it's comprised of millions of Unchurched Christians, who love Jesus so much but can't stomach the idea of going to church and being shamed for being exactly who God made them to be or for loving someone as they are.
I am certain that this book and Nadia's ministry will not sit well with everyone. it's okay if this book isn't for you. But if you have ever felt harmed by the church's handling of sexual purity, sexual orientation, marriage, divorce, sex education, gender roles etc, but you're still all about Jesus, you might just need to hear what Nadia has to preach. For you, this book might feel like a balm. A first-aid kit. A long-awaited hug. An invitation to come as you are. An open door to the church and the Kingdom. A welcome home.
Nadia is an author, theologian, pastor, and founder of the Denver-area Lutheran Church known as House For All Sinners and Saints. She takes our entire traditional view of sex, clouded with secrecy and shame, and throws a wrench in it. The fact that this book sat face down on my desk because of the cover image is a prime example of just how ingrained in us sexual shame and so-called "purity culture" is. I was even nervous to post that I read this and open myself up to criticism and concern. I'm a 33 year old woman who has birthed 2 children, but a book about sex? Scandalous! Christians have issues with sex, y'all. 🙈
Early in the book, Nadia reminds us that Jesus wanted connection. He was loyal to the law, but never at the expense of the people. She also reminds us that humans have inserted things into scripture (like apples, curses and female fault) that aren't in the original text, because we insert our humanness into everything. We can't help ourselves. So maybe, just maybe, sexual shame didn't come from God. Maybe it's high time we stop teaching people that their bodies and their sexuality are a source of shame.
We are just as impossibly human as we were 2000 years ago, so maybe it's time we consider how much of scripture we are still getting wrong, and the damage we've caused.
Matthew says good trees will bear good fruit. If the fruit is shamed, bruised, and damaged by the tree, can we really call it good? Is the fruit good if it's comprised of millions of Unchurched Christians, who love Jesus so much but can't stomach the idea of going to church and being shamed for being exactly who God made them to be or for loving someone as they are.
I am certain that this book and Nadia's ministry will not sit well with everyone. it's okay if this book isn't for you. But if you have ever felt harmed by the church's handling of sexual purity, sexual orientation, marriage, divorce, sex education, gender roles etc, but you're still all about Jesus, you might just need to hear what Nadia has to preach. For you, this book might feel like a balm. A first-aid kit. A long-awaited hug. An invitation to come as you are. An open door to the church and the Kingdom. A welcome home.
December 30, 2019
This 2 star rating is the combination of "Shameless" being a well-written book (4 stars writing) and yet disagreeing with much of the content and conclusions (1 to 2 star conclusions). Bolz-Weber is a gifted writer who captivates the reader, weaving her commentary through personal stories and intimate interview with her friends and parishioners. She reminds me in many ways of Anne Lamott. Through her writing you can tell that she deeply loves and cares for the people in her life and her church.
Where we disagree, early and often, is in her interpretation and application of Scripture. This is not a "she needs to read the Bible" critique. It is clear that she is well-versed in Scripture. Our differences would begin in her understanding of the authority of Scripture. I also often found her quick dismissals of some hot topics problematic. One such topic was the debate on life beginning at conception or birth providing a couple footnotes supporting her position. I realize her intention for the book was not to tackle such issues in detail, but if you are going to broach the topic and provide some arguments supporting your position, they need to be properly developed and provide a correct characterization of the opposite view (especially because she asserts to give a short history of the position within the Church).
I would say this is probably a book to be read, even if you don't agree with its premise or conclusion, because it provides insight into the sexual revolution happening within society and the church and thus, its implications for the Church.
Where we disagree, early and often, is in her interpretation and application of Scripture. This is not a "she needs to read the Bible" critique. It is clear that she is well-versed in Scripture. Our differences would begin in her understanding of the authority of Scripture. I also often found her quick dismissals of some hot topics problematic. One such topic was the debate on life beginning at conception or birth providing a couple footnotes supporting her position. I realize her intention for the book was not to tackle such issues in detail, but if you are going to broach the topic and provide some arguments supporting your position, they need to be properly developed and provide a correct characterization of the opposite view (especially because she asserts to give a short history of the position within the Church).
I would say this is probably a book to be read, even if you don't agree with its premise or conclusion, because it provides insight into the sexual revolution happening within society and the church and thus, its implications for the Church.
January 29, 2019
Short Version: Read this book.
Longer Version:
If you have felt shame or betrayal at the hands of the Purity Movement, then this book can provide a lens of healing, a way to approach sex that is uncompromising in from both the perspective of faith and your own personal story.
But also, even if you haven’t felt shame or betrayal, even if the Purity Movement was a beneficial approach to sex and sexuality, then this book can provide an alternate story–not one that invalidates your experience, but one that allows you to hear the stories of the people around you, the people who may not be straight, married, or monogamous.
Longer Version:
If you have felt shame or betrayal at the hands of the Purity Movement, then this book can provide a lens of healing, a way to approach sex that is uncompromising in from both the perspective of faith and your own personal story.
But also, even if you haven’t felt shame or betrayal, even if the Purity Movement was a beneficial approach to sex and sexuality, then this book can provide an alternate story–not one that invalidates your experience, but one that allows you to hear the stories of the people around you, the people who may not be straight, married, or monogamous.
Read
June 17, 2019I read "Shameless" to inform my NYT essay on purity culture. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/15/op...
April 12, 2019
Shameless was a challenging read. I had not read anything by Nadia Bolz-Weber before, and wasn't sure what to expect, but I was not disappointed. This book thoughtfully examines human sexuality, in terms of a loving Creator and his creation, all worthy of love and acceptance too. While I no longer adhere to the worldview of the evangelicals I grew up around, I found that many of those views on sexuality I was taught had never really been uprooted from my subconscious. So I would read a chapter of this book, and hesitate, because it sounded wrong. Then I would examine why that was, and realize that it was challenging a teaching I don't consciously agree with, from a group I no longer trust, but that I had somehow never shaken. So I appreciated the deep reflection this relatively small and easy to read book prompted in me.
Shameless made me test a lot of my views on sex and sexuality, and, I think, come out smarter and more compassionate because of it. My favorite of Nadia's arguments is where she recounts the parable of the talents, and posits that our sexuality, like everything else God has given us, is a talent. a gift from God, and that burying it, denying it, repressing it--those actions not only don't use that gift, they reject it. They don't celebrate or honor it as the gift from God it is. and how that could be an affront to a loving Creator who equipped us with special ways to express love and share pleasure with others. I had never thought about it in those terms, but especially in conjunction with congregational stories she shares, of former evangelicals who spent years of their lives trying to control and repress their natural drives and their bodies themselves, only to reach a joyless and un-functioning adulthood--well, it was just paradigm-shifting for me.
I'm not saying this is a perfect book, and I'm still wrestling with some of Nadia's conclusions. but this is definitely worth reading and evaluating one's views in light of her interpretation of Scripture and a faithful, loving life. I recommend it for anyone who doesn't mind Christian content, and is willing to read with an open mind.
Thanks, Netgalley, for sharing this advance copy with me in exchange for an honest review.
Shameless made me test a lot of my views on sex and sexuality, and, I think, come out smarter and more compassionate because of it. My favorite of Nadia's arguments is where she recounts the parable of the talents, and posits that our sexuality, like everything else God has given us, is a talent. a gift from God, and that burying it, denying it, repressing it--those actions not only don't use that gift, they reject it. They don't celebrate or honor it as the gift from God it is. and how that could be an affront to a loving Creator who equipped us with special ways to express love and share pleasure with others. I had never thought about it in those terms, but especially in conjunction with congregational stories she shares, of former evangelicals who spent years of their lives trying to control and repress their natural drives and their bodies themselves, only to reach a joyless and un-functioning adulthood--well, it was just paradigm-shifting for me.
I'm not saying this is a perfect book, and I'm still wrestling with some of Nadia's conclusions. but this is definitely worth reading and evaluating one's views in light of her interpretation of Scripture and a faithful, loving life. I recommend it for anyone who doesn't mind Christian content, and is willing to read with an open mind.
Thanks, Netgalley, for sharing this advance copy with me in exchange for an honest review.
January 14, 2022
This book was written in a interesting way sad to say that most of the ideas here are awfully unbiblical. I DNF’d at 50%.
Nadia uses caricatures of historical Christianity according to the Scriptures in order to make her point. The way she wrote this book was by using the stories of her parishioners and how the church has harmed them. Has there been times in which the visible Church has hurt someone? Yes. Does that mean that the Word is no longer true and up to whatever makes us feel good? Nope. She states how placing doctrine above people is the main problem, yet places her progressive doctrine above other people in this book. Knowing God and His Word are extremely important as well as knowing how to share those truths in love, if not how will you know how to treat people kindly and truthfully?
There’s a story in here also in which she blames the Church for a man who is not a believer cheating on an ex-Christian because the Church did now allow her to “experience” sex during her teenage and young adulthood years. WHAT? How are you going to blame the Church for a man cheating on his girlfriend because he supposedly wasn’t satisfied, instead of holding the man accountable for his lying. Frankly, the story served as a warning on why premarital sex is a bad idea since it places a bigger emphasis of sex within a relationship rather than the actual relationship. The whole conclusion was just shocking.
She then uses another story in which a woman rips up 8 pages of her Bible that condemned homosexuality and then rips out the Gospels and holds them to her chest and then burns the rest of the Bible up. Ironically, Christ Himself upheld a clear sexual ethic and spoke out against sin so it was just a very self defeating.
God is very clear on gender and sexuality and this book tries to justify things such as premarital sex, redefining God’s marriage as between a man and woman, as well as God’s design for gender.
Progressive Christianity is not Christianity at all.
Nadia uses caricatures of historical Christianity according to the Scriptures in order to make her point. The way she wrote this book was by using the stories of her parishioners and how the church has harmed them. Has there been times in which the visible Church has hurt someone? Yes. Does that mean that the Word is no longer true and up to whatever makes us feel good? Nope. She states how placing doctrine above people is the main problem, yet places her progressive doctrine above other people in this book. Knowing God and His Word are extremely important as well as knowing how to share those truths in love, if not how will you know how to treat people kindly and truthfully?
There’s a story in here also in which she blames the Church for a man who is not a believer cheating on an ex-Christian because the Church did now allow her to “experience” sex during her teenage and young adulthood years. WHAT? How are you going to blame the Church for a man cheating on his girlfriend because he supposedly wasn’t satisfied, instead of holding the man accountable for his lying. Frankly, the story served as a warning on why premarital sex is a bad idea since it places a bigger emphasis of sex within a relationship rather than the actual relationship. The whole conclusion was just shocking.
She then uses another story in which a woman rips up 8 pages of her Bible that condemned homosexuality and then rips out the Gospels and holds them to her chest and then burns the rest of the Bible up. Ironically, Christ Himself upheld a clear sexual ethic and spoke out against sin so it was just a very self defeating.
God is very clear on gender and sexuality and this book tries to justify things such as premarital sex, redefining God’s marriage as between a man and woman, as well as God’s design for gender.
Progressive Christianity is not Christianity at all.
January 29, 2019
Absolutely beautiful book. It’s filled with the edgy language that we’re all familiar with when it comes to Nadia Bolz-Weber - so if F-bombs bother you, consider yourself forewarned.
The book reads like a diary in some ways. This isn’t a dry and unemotional textbook. It’s full of big and hard feelings. She shares personal stories and stories from her parishioners on everything from abortion to purity culture to LGBTQ+ issues. She describes how wrongful teachings from the church has led to deep pain and mental health concerns.
She invites the reader to take stock of their own personal journeys with regards to gender/sexual teachings/experiences and how that may have impacted them. She advocates for the reader to find a safe and supportive community to grieve with and to acknowledge hard feelings.
She affirms that each and every one of us are deeply deeply loved. Simply because we exist, just how God created us to be.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has ever struggled with purity, sexuality, gender roles, gender orientation, etc... this book may be helpful in reframing Christ and the church in your mind in a much healthier light.
The book reads like a diary in some ways. This isn’t a dry and unemotional textbook. It’s full of big and hard feelings. She shares personal stories and stories from her parishioners on everything from abortion to purity culture to LGBTQ+ issues. She describes how wrongful teachings from the church has led to deep pain and mental health concerns.
She invites the reader to take stock of their own personal journeys with regards to gender/sexual teachings/experiences and how that may have impacted them. She advocates for the reader to find a safe and supportive community to grieve with and to acknowledge hard feelings.
She affirms that each and every one of us are deeply deeply loved. Simply because we exist, just how God created us to be.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has ever struggled with purity, sexuality, gender roles, gender orientation, etc... this book may be helpful in reframing Christ and the church in your mind in a much healthier light.
January 17, 2019
Bolz-Weber consistently brings fresh insights to our sacred texts and staunch religious traditions. “Shameless” is a conversation Christendom has been avoiding for decades. The commonly accepted answers given to youth and parents regarding sexuality inside of our churches frankly don’t work. Bolz-Weber identifies the reason we continue to give obviously wrong answers to our children - fear. While we know the stats demonstrate that our methods are not working (and never really have worked, as much as we lied or tried to convince ourselves that they ever worked), our fear the possible outcomes of our children and youth experimenting with our blessing numbs us to inaction.
This book won’t be the final answer - but someone had to start the conversation. Bolz-Weber has done that in her amazingly honest voice with good notes, insightful research, and the varied experiences of her congregants mixed in. It’s a great read!
This book won’t be the final answer - but someone had to start the conversation. Bolz-Weber has done that in her amazingly honest voice with good notes, insightful research, and the varied experiences of her congregants mixed in. It’s a great read!
February 1, 2019
Just read it. If you were harmed by morality codes or if you know people who were, or if you long to speak truth to your children about gender and sex and sin and regret and how much we are loved and that we absolutely cannot sin enough to make God hate us. Some people have a gift for putting truth in words and NBW is one of them. I am grateful.
November 15, 2023
Growing up in the church surrounded by purity culture with very specific roles for women had created some nasty fucking guilt and associated delusions in my crazy head that i very much think on a lot. This book was nice because it was a real legit pastor who was saying that maybe these things I was taught my whole childhood were not true and there’s still a place for people who don’t conform to the typical evangelical churches visions for who a person has to be. Only criticism is that it was difficult to follow sometimes but it’s a very heavy subject so that’s understandable I suppose. Anyway pretty good read for those with religious trauma like myself :P
May 10, 2022
3.5 star rating
I keep forgetting that she is a clergy woman whilst reading mostly because she comes across as someone who might have been a big sister whose opinion of sex and Christianity in general is not judgemental and also commonsense wise.
Additionally, her use of the F word shocked me early on but I somehow got used to it....as I said, I felt a Sis was sharing her words.
If I had read this book ten years ago this might have kept me still latching at the faith in question but right now it just seems a 'waoh' moment that a clergy can be this humanly rational....there is progress after all.
I keep forgetting that she is a clergy woman whilst reading mostly because she comes across as someone who might have been a big sister whose opinion of sex and Christianity in general is not judgemental and also commonsense wise.
Additionally, her use of the F word shocked me early on but I somehow got used to it....as I said, I felt a Sis was sharing her words.
If I had read this book ten years ago this might have kept me still latching at the faith in question but right now it just seems a 'waoh' moment that a clergy can be this humanly rational....there is progress after all.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,222 reviews