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Once a Girl, Always a Boy: A Family Memoir of a Transgender Journey
Jeremy Ivester is a transgender man. Thirty years ago, his parents welcomed him into the world as what they thought was their daughter. As a child, he preferred the toys and games our society views as masculine. He kept his hair short and wore boys’ clothing. They called him a tomboy. That’s what he called himself.
By high school, when he showed no interest in flirting, his parents thought he might be lesbian. At twenty, he wondered if he was asexual. At twenty-three, he surgically removed his breasts. A year later, he began taking the hormones that would lower his voice and give him a beard—and he announced his new name and pronouns.
Once a Girl, Always a Boy is Jeremy’s journey from childhood through coming out as transgender and eventually emerging as an advocate for the transgender community. This is not only Jeremy’s story but also that of his family, told from multiple perspectives—those of the siblings who struggled to understand the brother they once saw as a sister, and of the parents who ultimately joined him in the battle against discrimination. This is a story of acceptance in a world not quite ready to accept.
By high school, when he showed no interest in flirting, his parents thought he might be lesbian. At twenty, he wondered if he was asexual. At twenty-three, he surgically removed his breasts. A year later, he began taking the hormones that would lower his voice and give him a beard—and he announced his new name and pronouns.
Once a Girl, Always a Boy is Jeremy’s journey from childhood through coming out as transgender and eventually emerging as an advocate for the transgender community. This is not only Jeremy’s story but also that of his family, told from multiple perspectives—those of the siblings who struggled to understand the brother they once saw as a sister, and of the parents who ultimately joined him in the battle against discrimination. This is a story of acceptance in a world not quite ready to accept.
352 pages, Paperback
First published April 21, 2020
231 people are currently reading
2378 people want to read
About the author
Jo Ivester
4 books31 followersJo Ivester was raised in a politically active family. In 1967, when she was ten years old, her father moved their family from Boston, MA to an all-black town in the Mississippi Delta, where they were drawn into the heart of the civil rights movement. Because of this experience, Jo is committed to advocating for equal rights for all. Her best-selling, award-winning memoir about her family’s time in Mississippi, The Outskirts of Hope (She Writes Press, April 2015), has led to numerous speaking engagements about racial relations. In the last few years, she has broadened her focus to raise awareness about the transgender community, and now serves on the board of Equality Texas, a non-profit LGBTQ rights organization. When not focused on family, writing, and advocate work, Jo enjoys skiing, walking on the beach, and swing dancing with her husband. She lives in Austin, Texas.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 199 reviews
February 23, 2020
This book is a mandatory read for every human, doesn’t matter if you are somewhere on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, an ally or not. This book is about a trans person, yes, but it also about finding one’s true self and identity, while struggling with expectations and assumptions. It’s what we a go through at some point in our lives, but for trans people it is even worse, they struggle with who they, how they feel, what others might think and are up against extremely discriminating legislation. How can you become your true self and stay happy, with a support system like Jeremy’s. He is extremely lucky and his parents and siblings have shown to be true advocates and are more supportive and understanding than anyone can ask for.
Penned by his mother this book tells Jeremy’s story from several viewpoints. His mother, Jo, interview/ had storytelling time with all his siblings and his father. As well as asking herself tough questions and be brutally honest in answering them. Jo captures a story of struggle, coming of age and love. They all have questions and doubts at some point, but don’t we all about everything? It feels like the memoir is written with extreme care, taking time to show true emotions, true feelings and letting no one feel bad about it. I think jo has been especially considerate when it comes to all the trans parts with Jeremy. The openging chapter actually already reveals that much.not everyone’s story is the same, but everyone can be inspired by this one. Also I find it disturbing to read about the different legislation in each state, the US can be a real messed up place... you can be a person and accepted (on paper) in one state, but in the next you can’t be who you are. I am glad to live in a country where this isn’t happening.
Make this heartfelt memoir a mandatory read in schools and I think the world might just become a little better, at least I hope so. Thanks for writing this inspiring book!
*ARC received in exchange for an honest review*
Penned by his mother this book tells Jeremy’s story from several viewpoints. His mother, Jo, interview/ had storytelling time with all his siblings and his father. As well as asking herself tough questions and be brutally honest in answering them. Jo captures a story of struggle, coming of age and love. They all have questions and doubts at some point, but don’t we all about everything? It feels like the memoir is written with extreme care, taking time to show true emotions, true feelings and letting no one feel bad about it. I think jo has been especially considerate when it comes to all the trans parts with Jeremy. The openging chapter actually already reveals that much.not everyone’s story is the same, but everyone can be inspired by this one. Also I find it disturbing to read about the different legislation in each state, the US can be a real messed up place... you can be a person and accepted (on paper) in one state, but in the next you can’t be who you are. I am glad to live in a country where this isn’t happening.
Make this heartfelt memoir a mandatory read in schools and I think the world might just become a little better, at least I hope so. Thanks for writing this inspiring book!
*ARC received in exchange for an honest review*
April 21, 2020
Thanks to Booksparks for the free advance copy of this book.
Jeremy was assigned female at birth. His parents thought he was a tomboy because he showed no interest in "girly" childhood things. But as he grew older and withdrew from social relationships where he was expected to act like a girl, they began to suspect something larger was at play.
ONCE A GIRL, ALWAYS A BOY is a "family memoir" - the book not only features transcripts of Jeremy's video diaries but first person writing from his parents and siblings, recalling their thoughts and experiences as Jeremy came to realize he was transgender and sought transition.
I'll be completely honest. At first, I was a bit annoyed at this book for centering the feelings of all the straight cis people in Jeremy's life. I usually take the stance of "too bad if it makes you feel uncomfortable, that's not really my problem" when it comes to straight people understanding and accepting queer lives. But as I worked through the book, I realized most of why I felt that way is because this book isn't for me. It's for all the parents of trans kids who are having a hard time understanding their kids; parents who aren't well versed in gender theory and don't know where to start. And I do think that is important. It's important for family of trans folks to have a guide who isn't their kid so the burden of teaching isn't on the marginalized person.
I do want to flag this, though. If you are a trans person, particularly one who has struggled with body dysphoria and social/family acceptance, take special care with this book. While Jeremy's family did come around, they had a hard time grasping the situation at first and cycled through a lot of transphobic thoughts and feelings, even when outwardly supporting their child. This is not to say the book itself takes a transphobic stance, just that in the process of debunking these ideas, they are stated pretty plainly in the writings of his parents.
Jeremy was assigned female at birth. His parents thought he was a tomboy because he showed no interest in "girly" childhood things. But as he grew older and withdrew from social relationships where he was expected to act like a girl, they began to suspect something larger was at play.
ONCE A GIRL, ALWAYS A BOY is a "family memoir" - the book not only features transcripts of Jeremy's video diaries but first person writing from his parents and siblings, recalling their thoughts and experiences as Jeremy came to realize he was transgender and sought transition.
I'll be completely honest. At first, I was a bit annoyed at this book for centering the feelings of all the straight cis people in Jeremy's life. I usually take the stance of "too bad if it makes you feel uncomfortable, that's not really my problem" when it comes to straight people understanding and accepting queer lives. But as I worked through the book, I realized most of why I felt that way is because this book isn't for me. It's for all the parents of trans kids who are having a hard time understanding their kids; parents who aren't well versed in gender theory and don't know where to start. And I do think that is important. It's important for family of trans folks to have a guide who isn't their kid so the burden of teaching isn't on the marginalized person.
I do want to flag this, though. If you are a trans person, particularly one who has struggled with body dysphoria and social/family acceptance, take special care with this book. While Jeremy's family did come around, they had a hard time grasping the situation at first and cycled through a lot of transphobic thoughts and feelings, even when outwardly supporting their child. This is not to say the book itself takes a transphobic stance, just that in the process of debunking these ideas, they are stated pretty plainly in the writings of his parents.
June 26, 2020
"Something is different. I don’t want to hide anymore, even though I’m scared to say even to myself that I’m trans. I’m frozen, unable to make a decision. The thought of change is terrifying. Can I do it? Will I disappoint everyone if I do? Oh, God."
Biographies (memoirs) are one of my favorite kinds of books to read but I don’t read many. It’s hard to put a rating and a review on someone else’s life. They’ve experienced these things and we’re just reading what’s on the paper. I haven’t read many books about the LGBTQIAP+ community but It’s time that I do, educate myself more, and this is where we should all start.
This book takes us through the journey of not only Jeremy but of his closest family members as he discovers who he is. It’s told through many POV’s but it’s mostly of his Mom listening to her son, educating herself, and being an advocate for the transgender community. Not everyone’s family is supportive and willing to educate themselves. I’m glad that Jeremy had a great support system, not only at home with family but with friends as he transitioned into being his true self.
Once a girl, Always a Boy is a heartfelt and important memoir. It’s an eye-opening memoir that should be read by everyone. Jeremy is brave for telling his story because not all of it was positive and it’s hard to find the right words in letting others know what you’re thinking/feeling. There is a lot of hate in this world and it needs to end. We should be supportive of one another. If you need to talk to someone, I’ve posted the phone number below.
Trans Lifeline: (Information shared from their website)
A 24/7 hotline available in the U.S. and Canada staffed by transgender people for transgender people. Trans Lifeline is primarily for transgender people in a crisis, from struggling with gender identity to thoughts of self-harm. The number is: 1-877-565-8860
Biographies (memoirs) are one of my favorite kinds of books to read but I don’t read many. It’s hard to put a rating and a review on someone else’s life. They’ve experienced these things and we’re just reading what’s on the paper. I haven’t read many books about the LGBTQIAP+ community but It’s time that I do, educate myself more, and this is where we should all start.
This book takes us through the journey of not only Jeremy but of his closest family members as he discovers who he is. It’s told through many POV’s but it’s mostly of his Mom listening to her son, educating herself, and being an advocate for the transgender community. Not everyone’s family is supportive and willing to educate themselves. I’m glad that Jeremy had a great support system, not only at home with family but with friends as he transitioned into being his true self.
Once a girl, Always a Boy is a heartfelt and important memoir. It’s an eye-opening memoir that should be read by everyone. Jeremy is brave for telling his story because not all of it was positive and it’s hard to find the right words in letting others know what you’re thinking/feeling. There is a lot of hate in this world and it needs to end. We should be supportive of one another. If you need to talk to someone, I’ve posted the phone number below.
Trans Lifeline: (Information shared from their website)
A 24/7 hotline available in the U.S. and Canada staffed by transgender people for transgender people. Trans Lifeline is primarily for transgender people in a crisis, from struggling with gender identity to thoughts of self-harm. The number is: 1-877-565-8860
March 5, 2023
I've "watched" two people go through this exact experience. Both were female to male. I've always been curious to ask questions about their experiences with the transition but it seemed invasive. This gave me an inside look at the emotional perspective.
It's a really expensive process to change genders. I researched what the aftermath is like and the medical implications are even riskier to maintain physical attributes, but it is also highly rewarding for the majority.
It must be difficult to be in the public eye now when it comes to developing relationships, as many usually move away to start over. That's hard to do once you've become a local celebrity but I hope he/they find happiness.
It's a really expensive process to change genders. I researched what the aftermath is like and the medical implications are even riskier to maintain physical attributes, but it is also highly rewarding for the majority.
It must be difficult to be in the public eye now when it comes to developing relationships, as many usually move away to start over. That's hard to do once you've become a local celebrity but I hope he/they find happiness.
June 15, 2022
I read this book for a work book club on civil rights and diversity.
This is a good introductory book for allies of trans people who haven't yet done any soul searching about what they think about trans people. It is a mostly kind and loving account of a family's journey with Jeremy as he transitioned.
I feel there are some glaring flaws that readers should take with a grain of salt. The entire book is written by Jeremy's mother, Jo, through interviews and Jeremy's video journals. She writes from every perspective.
There are some choices that some trans people will find pretty insensitive, though Jo insists it's with Jeremy's permission. Until he comes out in the timeline, he's referred to with his dead name and pronouns. There's significant discussion of his straight family being angry or upset at him, not understanding. There's mention almost every chapter of Jeremy just wanting to be Jeremy the guy and not Jeremy the trans guy, the trans advocate - and yet, here we are, advocating it up, largely it seems because Jo thinks it's important.
The other aspect I found difficult to swallow was how privileged, white, and wealthy this family is. Jeremy's journey was made so much smoother by how accepting his family is and how much money they fronted him, from tuition to a college allowance to a down payment to additional expenses from surgery.
I appreciated the ending notes, which included a Q&A on how to support your trans loved one. There's good advice in there.
This is a good introductory book for allies of trans people who haven't yet done any soul searching about what they think about trans people. It is a mostly kind and loving account of a family's journey with Jeremy as he transitioned.
I feel there are some glaring flaws that readers should take with a grain of salt. The entire book is written by Jeremy's mother, Jo, through interviews and Jeremy's video journals. She writes from every perspective.
There are some choices that some trans people will find pretty insensitive, though Jo insists it's with Jeremy's permission. Until he comes out in the timeline, he's referred to with his dead name and pronouns. There's significant discussion of his straight family being angry or upset at him, not understanding. There's mention almost every chapter of Jeremy just wanting to be Jeremy the guy and not Jeremy the trans guy, the trans advocate - and yet, here we are, advocating it up, largely it seems because Jo thinks it's important.
The other aspect I found difficult to swallow was how privileged, white, and wealthy this family is. Jeremy's journey was made so much smoother by how accepting his family is and how much money they fronted him, from tuition to a college allowance to a down payment to additional expenses from surgery.
I appreciated the ending notes, which included a Q&A on how to support your trans loved one. There's good advice in there.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 4, 2020
I really wanted to enjoy this book, but it was so all over the place I couldn't. It so bounced from narrator (all members of the subject's family weigh in), to time, period, to switching between calling the subject Jeremy and his deadname, I was underwhelmed. Case in point--right after showing a portrait of high school senior Jeremy in a dress, the narrator returned to the tale of deadname flunking out of college. Did not finish.
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.
April 13, 2021
I read the first page of the introduction and absolutely cringed. Not only was Jeremy misgendered by his own mother, but his deadname was dropped. It read like a high school essay and felt like it had about that much research done on the topic.
There's a reason it's called a deadname and if you're going to write about a community, do your homework first.
There's a reason it's called a deadname and if you're going to write about a community, do your homework first.
May 17, 2022
I was worried when I first started listening and realised this was primarily written by the mother of Trans man; I wondered if the story would be distorted or exploitative.
However, I discovered that the book is actually a collaboration that includes all of the Ivester family members, with a focus on the voices of Jo, the mother, and Jeremy, her son. I found this combination to work very well. I think this book would be wonderful for someone unfamiliar with transgender people and their journey. Jeremy’s experiences are certainly not representative of all Trans people, but his unique story does bring to life the shared humanity and vulnerability of all Trans people.
This book is quite contemporary, finishing in 2019. This places Jeremy’s, and the Ivester family’s, experiences in the current political climate of the USA, with all of the privilege and discrimination that brings.
I hope more people read and share this family’s story.
However, I discovered that the book is actually a collaboration that includes all of the Ivester family members, with a focus on the voices of Jo, the mother, and Jeremy, her son. I found this combination to work very well. I think this book would be wonderful for someone unfamiliar with transgender people and their journey. Jeremy’s experiences are certainly not representative of all Trans people, but his unique story does bring to life the shared humanity and vulnerability of all Trans people.
This book is quite contemporary, finishing in 2019. This places Jeremy’s, and the Ivester family’s, experiences in the current political climate of the USA, with all of the privilege and discrimination that brings.
I hope more people read and share this family’s story.
October 19, 2022
Dit was een keer een minder standaard transverhaal dan ik gewend ben. Ik vond het goed dat het perspectief van de ouders van Jeremy werd beschreven en ik vond het perspectief van de tomboy jeugd van de moeder van Jeremy erg interessant.
July 4, 2022
This book is such a weird one. On the one hand, the author is listed as the mother of the trans person. It's largely written as an introspective of one mother's journey alongside her son as he realises that the dysphoria he's feeling is to do with being transgender. It's also very flavoured with activism throughout, since that is what the author does in her life.
However, Jeremy does have large passages of his own, reflecting on both before and after his transition, but isn't credited as an author of his own story?
I feel as though whether a person likes this story will be very much vary from person to person based on their own history and experiences. I will say it was nice to see a family that was so supportive of a real life person's transgender experience.
It's a very unique story of becoming transgender, largely in that Jeremy has top surgery before he either changes his name or his pronouns. But there are other unique aspects.
While it was an interesting read of a journey outside of my own, my partner, or others in my social circle have experienced, it wasn't told in a way that I really found pulled me in. This could possibly be because of the focus on activism, the way much of it was told from the mother's point of view instead of Jeremy's, or even the fact that I more enjoy fictionalised novels of this kind of content.
However, Jeremy does have large passages of his own, reflecting on both before and after his transition, but isn't credited as an author of his own story?
I feel as though whether a person likes this story will be very much vary from person to person based on their own history and experiences. I will say it was nice to see a family that was so supportive of a real life person's transgender experience.
It's a very unique story of becoming transgender, largely in that Jeremy has top surgery before he either changes his name or his pronouns. But there are other unique aspects.
While it was an interesting read of a journey outside of my own, my partner, or others in my social circle have experienced, it wasn't told in a way that I really found pulled me in. This could possibly be because of the focus on activism, the way much of it was told from the mother's point of view instead of Jeremy's, or even the fact that I more enjoy fictionalised novels of this kind of content.
April 23, 2021
As an involved teen mom, I've met more than one of my kid's friends that identify as transgender. I wanted to better understand what they go through so I can be a better encourager and support for them. So many of them have no one that will be there for them.
This book was helpful. The author, a mom of a trans child, was amazingly supportive and a great model for how to get your child through their struggle, and she was very vulnerable about her own struggles in the process. I also suspect her child would have liked less spotlight..... But that being said the story is helpful for others.
I do wish those who are staunchly against transgenderism would take some time to educate themselves. It is less about sex and much more about identity. The kids going through it need safe places to work it out. If you really want to be a change in the world, be that safe place.
This book was helpful. The author, a mom of a trans child, was amazingly supportive and a great model for how to get your child through their struggle, and she was very vulnerable about her own struggles in the process. I also suspect her child would have liked less spotlight..... But that being said the story is helpful for others.
I do wish those who are staunchly against transgenderism would take some time to educate themselves. It is less about sex and much more about identity. The kids going through it need safe places to work it out. If you really want to be a change in the world, be that safe place.
December 18, 2022
I'm so grateful I was able to finish this book in 2022 as it has become the most informative, perspective-changing book I have read all year. I would give this book 6 stars and I highly recommend each person read this book, including my own family.
I am now going to carefully try to articulate my review which is completely my own. I am open to alternative opinions but I will not argue with anyone based on opposing viewpoints.
First, I would like to say, prior to reading this book I would have considered myself an ally of gay/lesbian/bisexual community. I would say that I have a transgender cousin M-to-F but I still didn't "get" it though I accepted who she is. I would also say, that I have no problem with people being transgender though I believe that only people 18 and over should be "allowed" to take hormones and begin to transition. I realize now that I have been bigoted and I have discriminated against transgender people.
This book has actualized a trans persons journey and their family's journey and kind of demystified transitioning. Prior to reading this book, I thought of transitioning as a person waking up and deciding they all of a sudden want to be a different sex. I thought of The Bathroom Bill as men wanting to be a woman for the day or moment just to have access to the women's restroom. Thoughts that I now know are ignorant. I guess in my mind it was ok to be gay and have sex with whomever you want but changing your sex was unfathomable. It's like changing your race. You can't, it's finite. No matter how much I may want to be Asian or Hispanic, i can only be African American. And i can't tell anyone I'm anything but African American. Babies are born either male or female. There is no in between or neither, it's one or the other. I have learned now that gender is more fluid and that transitioning just makes the outside match the inner thoughts and feelings. I am own to the possibility of people being born in the wrong gender body.
Prior to reading this book, I didn't understand the difference between being a tomboy like Jo, Jeremy's mom and being transgender. I was a tomboy growing up. I had 3 brothers in our house. I wanted to dress like my brothers. Play sports with my brothers. Watch the boys shows. I even wondered what it would be like to have a penis or what it felt like to have sex with a girl. I'm sure i said i wanted to be a boy. But by high school and my first real boyfriend that went out the window. I knew I wanted to be a girl. And I stayed to dress like a girl. Act more ladylike. Started dating boys. But again, now I understand, that transitioning goes deeper than being a tomboy. Its about feeling different. About thinking different. About having dysphoria about your body and transitioning is about what the person sees matching what they think and feel.
I still don't agree with children taking hormones or changing pronouns. I know that a child's brain is still developing until around 21 years old. I think that for example, if my daughter told me at 6 that she thought she was a boy and wanted to play with boys toys, and wear masculine clothing and even cut her hair short I would be ok with all of that. But I personally draw a line at drugs and pronouns. At 6, that is much too young to make a decision that will affect the rest of your life without being completely sure it's the right choice.
Jeremy and I are the same age. What if a doctor put me on hormones in elementary or middle school? How would that have affected my life now? I disagree with giving kids drugs or surgery to change them. After 18, if you still feel that way, I will support you.
The book did not answer if Jeremy is still asexual and aromantic but I assume that he is since he is the only one not mentioned as being in a relationship.
It is gonna take more reading for me to understand the topic better but I appreciate the bravery of the Ivester family with sharing their story with the world. Again I highly recommend.
I am now going to carefully try to articulate my review which is completely my own. I am open to alternative opinions but I will not argue with anyone based on opposing viewpoints.
First, I would like to say, prior to reading this book I would have considered myself an ally of gay/lesbian/bisexual community. I would say that I have a transgender cousin M-to-F but I still didn't "get" it though I accepted who she is. I would also say, that I have no problem with people being transgender though I believe that only people 18 and over should be "allowed" to take hormones and begin to transition. I realize now that I have been bigoted and I have discriminated against transgender people.
This book has actualized a trans persons journey and their family's journey and kind of demystified transitioning. Prior to reading this book, I thought of transitioning as a person waking up and deciding they all of a sudden want to be a different sex. I thought of The Bathroom Bill as men wanting to be a woman for the day or moment just to have access to the women's restroom. Thoughts that I now know are ignorant. I guess in my mind it was ok to be gay and have sex with whomever you want but changing your sex was unfathomable. It's like changing your race. You can't, it's finite. No matter how much I may want to be Asian or Hispanic, i can only be African American. And i can't tell anyone I'm anything but African American. Babies are born either male or female. There is no in between or neither, it's one or the other. I have learned now that gender is more fluid and that transitioning just makes the outside match the inner thoughts and feelings. I am own to the possibility of people being born in the wrong gender body.
Prior to reading this book, I didn't understand the difference between being a tomboy like Jo, Jeremy's mom and being transgender. I was a tomboy growing up. I had 3 brothers in our house. I wanted to dress like my brothers. Play sports with my brothers. Watch the boys shows. I even wondered what it would be like to have a penis or what it felt like to have sex with a girl. I'm sure i said i wanted to be a boy. But by high school and my first real boyfriend that went out the window. I knew I wanted to be a girl. And I stayed to dress like a girl. Act more ladylike. Started dating boys. But again, now I understand, that transitioning goes deeper than being a tomboy. Its about feeling different. About thinking different. About having dysphoria about your body and transitioning is about what the person sees matching what they think and feel.
I still don't agree with children taking hormones or changing pronouns. I know that a child's brain is still developing until around 21 years old. I think that for example, if my daughter told me at 6 that she thought she was a boy and wanted to play with boys toys, and wear masculine clothing and even cut her hair short I would be ok with all of that. But I personally draw a line at drugs and pronouns. At 6, that is much too young to make a decision that will affect the rest of your life without being completely sure it's the right choice.
Jeremy and I are the same age. What if a doctor put me on hormones in elementary or middle school? How would that have affected my life now? I disagree with giving kids drugs or surgery to change them. After 18, if you still feel that way, I will support you.
The book did not answer if Jeremy is still asexual and aromantic but I assume that he is since he is the only one not mentioned as being in a relationship.
It is gonna take more reading for me to understand the topic better but I appreciate the bravery of the Ivester family with sharing their story with the world. Again I highly recommend.
November 11, 2020
Siblings Elizabeth and Emily prepare for Elizabeth’s wedding. Emily, aged 23, is asked to be maid of honor and accepts, but immediately feels uncomfortable. Hoping that ignoring the feeling will make it go away, hoping it’ll get better and be okay, Emily agonizes over what to do. Then the bridesmaid dress arrives, bringing with it the moment of truth: Elizabeth is informed that Emily will not—cannot—put the dress on, under any circumstance.
In many families, such a statement might lead to anger, hurt feelings, and even ruptured relationships. But this isn’t just any family; it’s the Ivesters. The whole family discusses the situation, and Elizabeth agrees that Emily—who later becomes Jeremy—may wear dress slacks and a vest to match the bridesmaid dresses. He was comfortable, and his family, being aware, were able to be supportive of who he is.
Once a Girl, Always a Boy is written by Jeremy’s mother Jo Ivester, but the story of his transgender journey is told through the perspective of various family members. I appreciate that they were willing to open up their lives and give us a peek into it.
From an inquisitive childhood to an articulate adulthood, Jeremy lives with a thoughtfulness and maturity rarely seen. What I took from his story is that Jeremy didn’t rush his growth. He stepped into each new period of his life by being introspective. Looking in a mirror seemed to help him discover a courage to move forward with what he knew he needed to do in order to feel whole. The support Jeremy received from his family along the way—as demonstrated by the bridesmaid dress situation—went far, I think, in allowing him to grow into his true self.
Getting to know this mother and son through her excellent storytelling will keep any reader immersed in the family’s memoir. I found myself with a new appreciation and compassion for those who travel the transgender path. Anyone who reads Once a Girl, Always a Boy will come away with a sense of what it takes to live a life when one is not always accepted by society. It can help us all have a better understanding, and acceptance. Love, understanding and compassion make this world a better place in which to live.
This book was reviewed for Story Circle Book Reviews by Doris Clark.
In many families, such a statement might lead to anger, hurt feelings, and even ruptured relationships. But this isn’t just any family; it’s the Ivesters. The whole family discusses the situation, and Elizabeth agrees that Emily—who later becomes Jeremy—may wear dress slacks and a vest to match the bridesmaid dresses. He was comfortable, and his family, being aware, were able to be supportive of who he is.
Once a Girl, Always a Boy is written by Jeremy’s mother Jo Ivester, but the story of his transgender journey is told through the perspective of various family members. I appreciate that they were willing to open up their lives and give us a peek into it.
From an inquisitive childhood to an articulate adulthood, Jeremy lives with a thoughtfulness and maturity rarely seen. What I took from his story is that Jeremy didn’t rush his growth. He stepped into each new period of his life by being introspective. Looking in a mirror seemed to help him discover a courage to move forward with what he knew he needed to do in order to feel whole. The support Jeremy received from his family along the way—as demonstrated by the bridesmaid dress situation—went far, I think, in allowing him to grow into his true self.
Getting to know this mother and son through her excellent storytelling will keep any reader immersed in the family’s memoir. I found myself with a new appreciation and compassion for those who travel the transgender path. Anyone who reads Once a Girl, Always a Boy will come away with a sense of what it takes to live a life when one is not always accepted by society. It can help us all have a better understanding, and acceptance. Love, understanding and compassion make this world a better place in which to live.
This book was reviewed for Story Circle Book Reviews by Doris Clark.
February 1, 2023
I’m on a journey myself with recent revelations of being trans non-binary. I asked my mother to join me on this journey in arriving at home with myself. She’s been onboard from Day 1 but recognizes that there’s a lot she has yet to learn and understand. I wrote down notes from the parts of this book that resonated with me. I put the notes in a booklet I’m planning on gifting to my mom along with a copy of Jeremy’s family memoir. I look forward to the growth my mother and I both will have when she reads this story and reads my notes. Jeremy, I’m glad you are at home with yourself. You and your family are guiding the rest of us on the pathway to our own homes too.
October 19, 2020
Fellow Austinite! At first I cringed when i read it was from moms perspective but as I read on, I understood that Jermey participated in the writing and agreed to it. I am so glad this story exists and from perspective of the family. I hope this book inspires and helps other family members to support trans folkx.
April 7, 2020
This book deserves every one of the 5-stars I have given it. Once a Girl, Always a Boy is a well-written, enlightening, open and honest family memoir that helps readers understand gender identity and the issues surrounding it.
I applaud and admire Jeremy for being willing to share his entire story with us (complete with pictures!), beginning in young childhood through and beyond his transition. The reader is able to hear his voice at each stage of his journey and that is so brave and so engaging! To be privy to his thoughts as he questions and struggles with his identity and deals with the huge impacts, repercussions and changes is nothing short of a true gift. I love that the reader hears from each family member as well.
This book is filled with so many emotions and the author (Jeremy's mother) is skilled at taking the reader through all of them. This book will go a long way in helping people truly relate to and understand the LGBT (I know there are more initials but don't want to get them wrong!) community. Inspiring and heart-warming, a call to action, there is just so much about this book to admire and love!
My thanks to NetGalley and She Writes Books for allowing me to read a copy of this book in exchange for an unbiased review. All opinions expressed here are my own.
I applaud and admire Jeremy for being willing to share his entire story with us (complete with pictures!), beginning in young childhood through and beyond his transition. The reader is able to hear his voice at each stage of his journey and that is so brave and so engaging! To be privy to his thoughts as he questions and struggles with his identity and deals with the huge impacts, repercussions and changes is nothing short of a true gift. I love that the reader hears from each family member as well.
This book is filled with so many emotions and the author (Jeremy's mother) is skilled at taking the reader through all of them. This book will go a long way in helping people truly relate to and understand the LGBT (I know there are more initials but don't want to get them wrong!) community. Inspiring and heart-warming, a call to action, there is just so much about this book to admire and love!
My thanks to NetGalley and She Writes Books for allowing me to read a copy of this book in exchange for an unbiased review. All opinions expressed here are my own.
July 12, 2020
A must read! An inspiring, honest, positive story about a family learning and growing together as their transgender son discovers and accepts his true self. Moving and insightful to read the family's struggle with understanding their son's feelings and choices but heartwarming to see their unconditional acceptance. The Ivester family allows readers to see their struggles, challenges, and ultimate unconditional love for one another. I pray all LGBTQIA+ persons have he same love and support as Jeremy does.
July 19, 2020
One of the best written transgender memoirs I've read recently. It is told from multiple viewpoints including: Jeremy, his mother Jo, his dad Jon, and Jeremy's siblings. I know it's hard for people to talk about such private issues such as gender, but it's so important for the world to see that these are just regular people trying to be themselves just as we all are. Thank you for sharing your family.
April 27, 2020
This book is incredibly important and poignant. I appreciated the different perspectives from each family member, and it was carefully and heartwarmingly crafted. There is something so genuinely special in reading about the love Jo and her family have for Jeremy, and their unwavering support throughout his transition.
June 6, 2021
Poorly written. I didn't finish it.
It was Trans101, but instead of hearing from Jo's perspective, we were subjected to the ignorant ramblings of family members who haven't lived it. I'm sure they meant well, but honestly it was like reading the painful comments section of your local tabloid paper.
It was Trans101, but instead of hearing from Jo's perspective, we were subjected to the ignorant ramblings of family members who haven't lived it. I'm sure they meant well, but honestly it was like reading the painful comments section of your local tabloid paper.
May 3, 2023
the deadnaming and incorrect pronouns really made this one impossible and uncomfortable for me to read all the way through.
I also found the comparison to the mother's experiences as a "tomboy" not equal.
it might be the correct book for a parent/grandparent or ally who is at the beginning of their support journey, but it was not for me.
I also found the comparison to the mother's experiences as a "tomboy" not equal.
it might be the correct book for a parent/grandparent or ally who is at the beginning of their support journey, but it was not for me.
January 22, 2023
This is the second memoir of being transgender from a family perspective that I've read. This one is a collaborative work by Jo Ivester and her son Jeremy, with some commentary by other family members. I think it's really helpful to learn about transgender identity and issues this way, especially if the topic makes you uncomfortable. This is often because we put the transgender aspect of someone's identity first--the aspect that is contrary to our familiar view of gender appearance and behavior. I get it. It isn't that familiar to me either. This story presents Jeremy as a member of a family that loves him, with brothers and a sister and friends. So let's start the story there--with a real child in a family, growing up and trying to be his real self--not a stranger who makes us uncomfortable and who presents a threat to what we always thought was normal. Well, there's a lot I could say. I'll just add, if you don't understand someone, learn more about them. That's what decent civilized people do.
February 22, 2023
Dies ist die Lebensgeschichte von Jeremy Ivester, der als Emily geboren wurde. Jeremys Mutter lässt hier ihren Sohn zu Wort kommen, aber auch Vater Joe, die Geschwister und ihre eigenen Erlebnisse sind hier festgehalten.
Von frühester Kindheit bis zu Jeremys Erwachsenenalter erfahren wir mit, was Jeremy alles durchmachen musste, bis er endlich sich selbst sein konnte. Wir erhalten Einblick in seine Gedankenwelt, was ihn bewegt und bewegte und vor welchen Entscheidungen er stand.
Jo Ivester schreibt eher neutral, Jeremy berichtet teilweise von seinen Gefühlen, dennoch blieben auch diese Stellen für mich persönlich eher nüchtern. Aufgrund der Länge des Buches fehlt es auch ein wenig an Tiefe, aber vielleicht ist auch genau das Ziel der Autorin. Denn sie möchte natürlich eine grosse Bandbreite an Menschen ansprechen, um ihre Botschaft zu verbreiten.
Auf jeden Fall hat Jeremy Mut bewiesen, seine Geschichte mit uns allen zu teilen. Ich hoffe, dass das Buch vielen Betroffenen, Freunden, Familien etc. helfen wird. Dass es helfen wird, Akzeptanz und Verständnis zu verbreiten und Vorurteile auszulöschen.
Viel Erfolg weiterhin, Jeremy!
Von frühester Kindheit bis zu Jeremys Erwachsenenalter erfahren wir mit, was Jeremy alles durchmachen musste, bis er endlich sich selbst sein konnte. Wir erhalten Einblick in seine Gedankenwelt, was ihn bewegt und bewegte und vor welchen Entscheidungen er stand.
Jo Ivester schreibt eher neutral, Jeremy berichtet teilweise von seinen Gefühlen, dennoch blieben auch diese Stellen für mich persönlich eher nüchtern. Aufgrund der Länge des Buches fehlt es auch ein wenig an Tiefe, aber vielleicht ist auch genau das Ziel der Autorin. Denn sie möchte natürlich eine grosse Bandbreite an Menschen ansprechen, um ihre Botschaft zu verbreiten.
Auf jeden Fall hat Jeremy Mut bewiesen, seine Geschichte mit uns allen zu teilen. Ich hoffe, dass das Buch vielen Betroffenen, Freunden, Familien etc. helfen wird. Dass es helfen wird, Akzeptanz und Verständnis zu verbreiten und Vorurteile auszulöschen.
Viel Erfolg weiterhin, Jeremy!
July 8, 2024
I learned so much from Jermey’s story. I knew it would take some time for me to write the proper review that it deserved. But as people are going to people about trans people since the far right has served it up on their hate lined silver platter I have to get one thought out there now.
I was hanging out with family over the weekend where someone said well I’m against them doing this to kids. I wasn’t surprised at all from this person but too stunned to ask anything in the moment. But here is the question I wish I’d asked.
Do you have any idea what gender affirming care even means? Do you have any idea exactly what the life the child is living is like on a daily basis and what their parents and their doctor are discussing in regard to helping this child?
The answer would have been no, I have no idea. I know this because it’s true for me too. But it still made me angry and hurt for the real human lives that are harmed by the hateful rhetoric Christians (don’t lie to yourself and say it isn’t Christian’s who are pushing the anti-trans hate. It’s 💯 them.) are pushing about this issue.
Over 50% of trans youth have considered suicide
Over 40% of trans adults have attempted it
And the people pushing the collective hate and shame around this do not care that they are hurting people. Hurting God’s children if you will.
I was hanging out with family over the weekend where someone said well I’m against them doing this to kids. I wasn’t surprised at all from this person but too stunned to ask anything in the moment. But here is the question I wish I’d asked.
Do you have any idea what gender affirming care even means? Do you have any idea exactly what the life the child is living is like on a daily basis and what their parents and their doctor are discussing in regard to helping this child?
The answer would have been no, I have no idea. I know this because it’s true for me too. But it still made me angry and hurt for the real human lives that are harmed by the hateful rhetoric Christians (don’t lie to yourself and say it isn’t Christian’s who are pushing the anti-trans hate. It’s 💯 them.) are pushing about this issue.
Over 50% of trans youth have considered suicide
Over 40% of trans adults have attempted it
And the people pushing the collective hate and shame around this do not care that they are hurting people. Hurting God’s children if you will.
May 28, 2021
This is a remarkable book. Jo and Jeremy tell a compelling and important story. At once bold and vulnerable, it has given me lots of food for thought and a renewed sense of urgency to make sure our laws protect everyone no matter who they are or who they love. The audio, narrated by Jo, Jeremy, and their family members, is terrific. Highly, highly recommend.
October 27, 2023
Not going to lie. I shed several tears reading this one. It was painful to read from the family's perspective, they fairly frequently said and did all the wrong things. I guess that makes it more relatable to us parents who are constantly screwing up and learning. I would be interested in reading more by Jeremy without Jo.
March 4, 2023
Jo writes about her son's transition journey with a clear willingness to learn and love for her child. Toward the end she reflects on how at first she thought her kid was just experiencing strong tomboy feelings like she herself did as a kid, and she reflects on the differences between her experiences and Jeremy's. It was fun listening to the audiobook because each family member reads chapters from their point of view.
July 4, 2023
I listened to the audiobook of this and really enjoyed that! I related to a lot as someone going through a similar transition and the love/support from Jeremy’s parents made me cry a few times. Definitely recommending this to my parents and a few friends.
April 25, 2020
I received this books from Booksparks as part of their pop up tour. I absolutely loved this book. I felt that Jo Ivester did an amazing job at providing an inside look how her son and family processed and understood his transition to Jeremy.
Longer review to come soon!
Longer review to come soon!
August 23, 2020
Knowing that Jo Ivester wrote this memoir about her son Jeremy, who is a trans man, as the focus, I expected it to be mostly from her perspective. However, Ivester included so much more, especially from the point of view of Jeremy. This book informs so well, and from an honest and loving perspective. We learn of Jeremy's journey, and I think that what most struck me was coming to understand how transitioning can be such a long process, one with so many decisions to be made, each one bringing on huge change, each one requiring tremendous courage. This is a book that makes a difference.
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