Find Your F*ckyeah: Stop Censoring Who You Are and Discover What You Really Want

by Alexis Rockley

A bold guide to finding your unique purpose and uncensored self, Find Your F*ckyeah disrupts today's warm, fuzzy brand of #selfcare and "Just be you!" personal growth trends, translating the hard science of happiness for a generation that speaks emoji.Despite everything society says, you are not a living brand, you do not have to have one passion/purpose/calling, and no amount of #selfcare is going to change your life.In Find Your F*ckyeah, Alexis Rockley uses guided scientific experiments and refreshing wit to prove why one-size-fits-all success formulas and trendy morning routines won't keep us happy--and shows us how to find what will.Rockley tackles the social programming and biological defaults that fuel our limiting beliefs head on, showing how they keep us trapped in a cycle of boredom, stress, and burnout. In our attempt to present a hireable, friendable, dateable, and acceptable version of ourselves to the world, we spend much of our lives unintentionally censoring who we really are--and in the process, shoving what we truly want deep into our subconscious.For anyone tired of feeling the pressure to be better, do more, and work faster to find happiness--to self-optimize, shut up, and fit in--Find Your F*ckyeah offers the tools to finally take our lives off autopilot and find joy where we're at, right now.A must-read if any of this sounds like - You regularly bounce back and forth between boredom and stress, only to level out at a vegetative, exhausted state- You find yourself annoyed that your time isn't your own because you're busy making a living- You like having time to yourself, but hate being alone without an Internet connection- You sometimes feel confident in the life choices you've made (i.e., education, career, relationships), but you can't help feeling like where you're "at" in life is somehow. not enough- You want practical advice on how to be happier, but you're annoyed by the vague, generic advice of traditional self-help books

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Personal Development, Mental Health, Psychology, Audiobook, Personal Growth

304 pages, Paperback

Published September 15, 2020

About the author

Alexis Rockley is a writer, speaker, and human pep talk. She is the author of Find Your F*ckyeah: Stop Censoring Who You Are and Discover What You Really Want (Chronicle Books, Sept 2019), and leads her Get Out of Your Own Way workshops all over the country. Rockley is also the host of the first ever voicemail-style podcast Call Me When You Get This and is the founder of How to Like Being Alive, a popular email newsletter helping millennials prioritize mental health, happiness & meaningful careers. Rockley earned her Specialization Certificate in Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania in 2019, in a program led by the founder of the field, Martin E.P. Seligman.

Reviews

[Patty · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was really hoping for more info on how to FIND my thing and less about the emotional baggage that blocks you from PURSUING your thing. That being said, I did find a few things to highlight.

Suggested title change: DO Your Fuck Yeah.

Also, if you’re wondering what the FIND part was about, it was the classic, “If you had all the money in the world, how would you spend your day?” question that anyone that has EVER tried to find their thing has come across.

(BTW, I hate this question so much because it never conjures up long-term thoughts. It’s all short-term because that’s all you can imagine is finally having a day off from all responsibilities. Pretty sure my Fuck Yeah is not “staying in my pajamas, watching Netflix, reading, and cross-stitching all day.”)

Was the book helpful? It had some good ideas on dealing with baggage. Did I find my Fuck Yeah? Fuck no.

[Quinn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was an impulse buy while walking the isles of my local bookstore, killing time while I was waiting for something or another. I had no desire to read a “self-help” book or anything of the like, but the cover grabbed my attention and I just had to give it a shot. It was nothing like what I expected a self-help or self-care book to be like.

I am a resiliency trainer in the military, and this book pulls from some of the same research conducted at the University of Pennsylvania that we use, but it does it in a less clinical, sterilized way. Alexis Rockley writes her book in a spoken narrative format that is easy to digest and relatable. She’s down to earth about her own struggles and how her journey shaped her message. She even acknowledges when her methods reach groan-worthy territory, so her book never falls into that “takes itself too seriously” category even when the information is important. The most important part in my opinion is she actually directly referenced and correctly cited the studies she talks about, so you can do more personal research into the clinical side if you want.

Overall, it was well written for those who don’t mind some swearing (obviously from the title), but who want a little more information into why they’re so “bleh” all the time. I have more interests than I know what to do with, and enough purpose and plans to enjoy my life and time without this book, but plan on adding it to my annual reading list for a little clarification and motivation in the future.

Definitely give this one a shot.

[Layne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where has this book been all my life?? Alexis breaks down the science behind why we hold ourselves back from achieving our goals and provides actionable, no-bullshit advice for getting back on track.

After reading the book, I did a coaching call with her, and in just one hour she helped me gain incredible clarity on several issues I've been struggling with for years.

Her work is absolutely life-changing, and if you're feeling stuck in your career or elsewhere, I highly recommend checking out both this book and her podcast, Call Me When You Get This!

[Carly O'Connell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Readers familiar with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and mindfulness may not find Rockley's techniques for life fulfillment to be new material, per se. Nevertheless, it can help to hear things you've heard before, stated in different ways, and perhaps with some curse words sprinkled in to make it sound approachable and hip.
One of my favorite parts of the book is a metaphor about a peach tree in the chapter about experimentation. Rockley says, "A peach tree doesn't consider the time and resources it spent growing a waste; why should you?" She goes on to explain that therefore, even if you took a class and decide not to pursue that subject as a career, you still learned something, if only that that's one thing to cross off your list of potential dream jobs. "False" starts and changes of mind are part of the process of life and growth, not a waste of time. I found that very reassuring.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book kinda pissed me off. It was hard to get through because the title is misleading. I was looking for a 'how-to' on finding my f*ck yeah and that didn't happen until more than half way through the book. I'm not sure I even got a straight-up answer tbh. The book reminded me of a less fun version of "You Are a Badass" by Jen Sincero. I felt like Alexis Rockley was trying hard to write like Sincero but failed miserably. Don't get me wrong, this book has a lot of great advise and helpful tidbits but I've read these before and this was not what I was looking to read. I honestly don't think I found the solution to finding my f*ck yeah with this one.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

If self-help books normally make you eye roll so hard and you’d rather have advice informed by neuroscience, this is your book. If you want to learn about happiness research (that’s current) from an empathetic and strong female peer who learned from leading researchers in the field (at the University of Pennsylvania), this is your book. If you are feeling in a rut and need a cheerleader to help push you forward, this is your book.

[Bonnie Tuballa · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you can get over the millennial try-hard tone (i.e. #hashtags, ALL CAPS FOR EMPHASIS, soon-to-be outdated jargon)... then it's actually a well-researched, substantive self-help book. The style was probably influenced by The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, which seemed like Buddhism disguised with swear words. This book communicates similarly, divulging helpful advice with colors/font/bold/paragraph switches. I found it frustrating and distracting at times. I'd ask her to relax, but she would probably say that's her authentic self, uncensored.

[Sara G · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

[Wendy Li · Rating 3 out of 5]

Was a nice collection of info in the book from positive psychology- but could have benefited from more exercises/ outline of how to take the studies to actionable steps

[Kaitee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Less about “finding” it and more about what to do to make it happen once you know what it is. Some good bits about being happy though!

[Emilycorak · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good, solid info...a little skewed toward a young audience, but definitely some gems to take away!

[James Lovaas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Live your best life…Find your bliss…Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. Such great advice. But how?!?

You know what’s missing from self-help, self-improvement, and self-care? The truth about “happily ever after.” - Alexis Rockley

We are bombarded with memes, books, podcasts, and websites providing ideas or recommendations for finding your best life. Many of them are inspired tales from individuals that have done just that. “Their autobiography isn’t a lie - but the twelve steps required to repeat their results definitely are.” (Alexis Rockley)

So, what makes Find Your F*ck Yeah, different? Rockley takes the reader on a journey to get the mind into the right space to find what fulfills. For so many of us, finding “our best life” seems impossible. We’re straddled with baggage that comes from others AND from our own judgemental minds. Readers will be challenged to detangle their brains - we can’t move forward if we aren’t really clear about who we are and where we are. After that, we must stop censoring our own lives and trying to be what we think others want us to be. Once we’ve done those two things, Rockley guides us to resources to live a life of purpose - finding our F*ck Yeah is not a one time task. It is a lifestyle.

No more beating yourself up, tearing yourself down, stalling, stressing, or shrinking. It’s time to live an uncensored life. It’s time to live a life of your making. ― Alexis Rockley

[LIzzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I gave up self-help books about a year ago because I was finding they all felt similar. Lots of words and advice, but leaving me at the end feeling like "now what?".

Until this god send of a book came along! As a skeptic myself and someone that actually does roll my eyes at the majority of self-help advice out there, I found this book to be refreshingly different.

Alexis takes a science based approach to self improvement and helps to apply it to areas in your life that you are looking to gain clarity on. I had so many ah-ha! moments in the book-it was like things were finally clicking for me! I was realizing the reasons why I was stuck in repetitive negative thought patterns and not able to accomplish what I wanted.

The best part is she breaks down all of the science into bite sized actionable steps you can begin implementing ASAP to quite literally- get out of your own way.

Seriously, this girl rocks. Do yourself a favor and read this book. Especially if you're a skeptic and tired out on self-help like me!

[Andy Cyca · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is pretty much what someone like me needs. That is, this is a self help book for millennials who don't like or are tired from all forms of self care, trendy advice, hashtag treat yo self, etc. This is not a book on how to «be happy» or anything like that. Rather, this is a well researched study on what is happening with our brains, the internal and external problems we face, and how to approach them.

This also means there's a good deal of work over must do in order to get the most out of this book (after all, this is about you helping yourself). This is no easy task, but I believe it's attainable.

So, why only 3 stars? Because... Well... This is not a panacea. Don't get me wrong, this book can help wonders, but the catchy language is off putting, and constant. Yes, I get that it's part of the brand and soul, but it tends to detract from the message in my opinion.

But if you do get to the end and follow this advice... You'll be on your way to a better life. But only if you work for it.

Thank you.

[Ashley von Schulman · Rating 3 out of 5]

So, I'm really on the fence about how to rate this book. I'll add a disclaimer that I knew going into it that I hold some different beliefs and life principles than the author, so it was clear that not everything she wrote would sit well with me. But I was interested in the conclusions she came to in searching for what she refers to as F*ckyeah, so I gave it a try. There were a lot of really interesting observations made (she cited a ton of studies throughout the entirety of the book) which caused me to think, and I really enjoyed the conversational and fun way she presented a very information-heavy text.

That said, I felt like only a small portion of this book was actually reflective of the title. Lots of chapters were more about how to structure your life and "adult" without the bullshit. Which is valuable, but not what I was anticipating. Maybe I just don't quite "get" what she means by F*ckyeah, and perhaps this book will resonate more deeply with another reader. For me, it was a bit meh...

[Susan Franzen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m giving this four stars because I appreciated the way the author actually questions the reader about their own situation. A lot of self help books are mostly about the author, which usually isn’t helpful. Although there is no lack of ‘my story’ in this book (and sometimes it takes the author too long to get to the point they want to make), most focus is on the reader. Although I’m not sure I’ve found my Fuck Yeah, this book did help me to think more outside the box (or outside my ‘limiting beliefs’ as the author calls it) and gives me a better chance of finding it, I think.

[Jens S · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just another self-help book about doing stuff you wish you would do but don't because of different reasons. To find out what you even need in your life and how to archive it is the fuckyeah motivation behind this. The tasks / lessons provided by the author are helpful and let you get in the right mood to change things / yourself. I liked the criticism of schooling and how we get "limited" in the way we express ourself while growing up. So keep in mind if you go from A to B to stop at Z, Q, Ü,... and explore them.

[Anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I don’t think this book really had anything new to offer, it was interesting and very much couched in science and neurobiology.
I don’t think it really teaches us how to FIND our fuckyeah, but instead teaches us what our fuckyeah is and how to recognize it.
I see it as the updated, millennial, hipster version of What Color is Your Parachute.
I did however, highlight quite a few sentences in the book.

[Matt Rabski · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not a bad self help book but wasn't for me.

It takes a lot of the reasonable parts of modern self help and adds some CBT strategies, some of Dr Brene Brown's work and some scientific studies but it felt specifically aimed at 30 something millennials who are stuck in a job they don't like. Not a bad book and a good start for someone who hasn't been to therapy.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve never heard of this book before but walking through a bookstore I found it and totally fell in love. This book is amazing and I’m surprised it isn’t talked about more! It’s all about the science behind how we censor ourselves and not the bs books of this nature normally gives. 5/5 love this book and most definitely going to be rereading!!

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Parts of this book made me feel I could take on the world. I struggled to get through it, I think because I felt shame at times about being so far from my own eff yeah - even though the author wasn't making me feel that shame. I recommend this book to anyone looking for the spark of: what do I do with my life?

[Gwendelen DSouza · Rating 3 out of 5]

Honestly maybe a 3.5?
It's a good book to motivate you to change your life a little. Not in the career driven way but in a way to truly explore your extra curriculars and find something else that you love. However, it was filled with motivational jargon without any real tips. Some of the pages really spoke to me and I've even shared it, but it doesn't leave you feeling extremely motivated.

[Rmplift, Rachel Phillips · Rating 2 out of 5]

This could be so much better if there were a lot less tangents. The author is so desperate to connect to readers or to make a point the tangents and examples just run on. It's very hard to connect with the book for the first hundred pages.

The messages behind the book is so good, but gets lost within.

[Venli · Rating 4 out of 5]

Picked up this book through Humble Bundle and it was pretty enlightening at times. Unlearning what you’ve been taught about how to exist is a big theme in the book. If you’re intrigued by the title you’ll probably enjoy the book.

[L.E. Teetzel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Both interesting and informative, and made me actually reflect on my life and thought processes. Really unexpected and really great—and entertaining. Not the usual type of book I read, but it was a great recommendation!

[Tess · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not all of this book will appeal to everyone, but there is definitely a lot of helpful insight backed by scientific data here. I rarely bother to highlight anything in the books I read, but this one compelled me to do so. I admire the research that Rockley put into this.

[Sarah Lokker · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5, rounded to 4-Stars.

This felt like a typical kitschy 'self-help' book, but there certainly were some takeaways and practices I want to incorporate into my own life. Enjoyed Alexis' sense of humor and being as authentic as possible.

[Mandy Power]

Saw this at the library and decided to pick it up. Skimmed much of it, so not providing a rating. This “new” self-help type of books are interesting.

[M.J. McDermott · Rating 4 out of 5]

Surprisingly good read. Lots of humor combined with good advice, peps talks, and why-nots! I was actually inspired!

[Kopesh · Rating 1 out of 5]

It's written for retards. First grade language. Writer is a retard.