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When You Know What I Know
This is an alternate cover edition of this book.
A sensitive, harrowing, and ultimately hopeful novel in verse about one girl's journey in the aftermath of abuse.
Winner of the Colorado Authors' League Award for Middle Grade and a Finalist for the Colorado Book Award for Juvenile Fiction. An ILA Honor Book.
One day after school, on the couch in the basement, Tori's uncle did something bad. Afterward, Tori tells her mom. Even though telling was a brave thing to do, her mom still doesn't believe her at first. Her grandma still takes his side. And Tori doesn't want anyone else—even her best friend—to know what happened.
Now Tori finds herself battling mixed emotions—anger, shame, and sadness—as she deals with the trauma. But with the help of her mom, her little sister, her best friend, and others, can Tori find a way to have the last word
From debut author Sonja K. Solter comes a heartbreaking yet powerful novel that will strike a chord with readers of Jacqueline Woodson and Tony Abbott.
A sensitive, harrowing, and ultimately hopeful novel in verse about one girl's journey in the aftermath of abuse.
Winner of the Colorado Authors' League Award for Middle Grade and a Finalist for the Colorado Book Award for Juvenile Fiction. An ILA Honor Book.
One day after school, on the couch in the basement, Tori's uncle did something bad. Afterward, Tori tells her mom. Even though telling was a brave thing to do, her mom still doesn't believe her at first. Her grandma still takes his side. And Tori doesn't want anyone else—even her best friend—to know what happened.
Now Tori finds herself battling mixed emotions—anger, shame, and sadness—as she deals with the trauma. But with the help of her mom, her little sister, her best friend, and others, can Tori find a way to have the last word
From debut author Sonja K. Solter comes a heartbreaking yet powerful novel that will strike a chord with readers of Jacqueline Woodson and Tony Abbott.
224 pages, Hardcover
First published March 24, 2020
13 people are currently reading
2179 people want to read
About the author
Sonja K. Solter
1 book39 followersChildren's book author Sonja K Solter spent her childhood summers in her mother's homeland of Finland and traveled the world extensively with her family. She read so voraciously as a child that she once brought over 70 books on a trip. (Her mother is still trying to figure out how that slipped by her.) Sonja graduated with an interdisciplinary degree in Human Biology from Stanford University and has an MFA in Writing for Children and Young Adults from Hamline University. Her master's critical thesis was on writing trauma in middle grade and young adult realistic fiction. She is currently a creative writing mentor to youth with the Society of Young Inklings and enjoys writing poetry and prose for children of all ages. She has also been a Music Together® director and teacher, where she especially enjoyed the collaborative improvisation aspect of the program. Sonja lives with her husband and two children in Louisville, Colorado, and enjoys nature, travel, and yoga.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 152 reviews
February 9, 2020
This one hurts, but wow, what an important place in the world this little book has found.
As a survivor, reading books about trauma and healing is a very cathartic act for me, so I tend to pick them up every so often. I think this was my first middle grade book on the subject, so I wasn't sure how many punches I should expect to be pulled. Honestly, that answer was practically none. While there's no explicit detail given of the trauma — and there's none needed — Solter still does a tremendous job of conveying the pain and fear and self-doubt Tori lives through afterwards.
Perhaps the most painful part of this story was the fact that Tori's mother and grandmother wouldn't believe her at first, but I appreciated that, even after they apologize and believe Tori, she doesn't have to move on right away. It's not swept under the rug — she allows herself to still hurt over their reactions, and that's really important. Our loved ones aren't always going to react perfectly to learning about traumas we've faced, and while it helps when they grow and change for the better, we don't have to force ourselves to forget how much pain that caused us.
Finally, what mattered most to me here is the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel Tori finds. There's a piece near the end where she asks herself, essentially, "Is it okay to be okay now?" and that answer is a resounding yes. Our traumas never leave us, but we're allowed to have happy days. We're allowed to keep fighting everyday to heal and cope and do everything in our power not to let our abusers ruin it all.
Thank you so much to the publisher for providing me with this ARC in exchange for an honest review!
As a survivor, reading books about trauma and healing is a very cathartic act for me, so I tend to pick them up every so often. I think this was my first middle grade book on the subject, so I wasn't sure how many punches I should expect to be pulled. Honestly, that answer was practically none. While there's no explicit detail given of the trauma — and there's none needed — Solter still does a tremendous job of conveying the pain and fear and self-doubt Tori lives through afterwards.
Perhaps the most painful part of this story was the fact that Tori's mother and grandmother wouldn't believe her at first, but I appreciated that, even after they apologize and believe Tori, she doesn't have to move on right away. It's not swept under the rug — she allows herself to still hurt over their reactions, and that's really important. Our loved ones aren't always going to react perfectly to learning about traumas we've faced, and while it helps when they grow and change for the better, we don't have to force ourselves to forget how much pain that caused us.
Finally, what mattered most to me here is the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel Tori finds. There's a piece near the end where she asks herself, essentially, "Is it okay to be okay now?" and that answer is a resounding yes. Our traumas never leave us, but we're allowed to have happy days. We're allowed to keep fighting everyday to heal and cope and do everything in our power not to let our abusers ruin it all.
Thank you so much to the publisher for providing me with this ARC in exchange for an honest review!
December 29, 2021
CW: off page non-described sexual assault by family member
Well that was a powerful middle-school verse novel about surviving trauma.
Tori was an exceptionally well written character and I was drawn into her journey of fear, shame and anger. This is quite a heavy topic to tackle in a middle-school novel however it was done with a warm openness and sensitivity. I thoroughly recommend this healing verse novel for middle-school libraries and it would be probably be okay for NZ Y9 too.
Well that was a powerful middle-school verse novel about surviving trauma.
Tori was an exceptionally well written character and I was drawn into her journey of fear, shame and anger. This is quite a heavy topic to tackle in a middle-school novel however it was done with a warm openness and sensitivity. I thoroughly recommend this healing verse novel for middle-school libraries and it would be probably be okay for NZ Y9 too.
May 18, 2020
This really is a must read. And I believe should be on school reading lists too. I will certainly be asking my girls to read it.
It is so heartbreakingly sad, and unfortunately so real.
Very well written.
It is so heartbreakingly sad, and unfortunately so real.
Very well written.
October 12, 2019
Many thanks to EdelweissPlus and the publisher for providing me with a DRC of this title for review purposes. All opinions are my own.
This is one of those books that is gut-wrenching. The novel, told in sparse verse, details the year following Tori's abuse. Her uncle did something bad and Tori tells her mom. She didn't want to and her mom didn't believe her at first, so Tori struggles on her own for a while. Then, after some events at school, her mother accepts the truth. But others don't. Her grandma says there is no way it could have happened. Tori doesn't want her friends to know. And she struggles with how to deal with all of the feelings that her trauma has caused her (shame, anger, embarrassment, confusion, regret). As you read about Tori and her year, you can feel her pain. You suffocate along with her as the shame grows. You regret her decisions and the responses from the adults in her life in equal measure.
The abuse is never detailed and the word "molestation" is only used once. This is a book that isn't about the voyeuristic details of abuse, it is about the journey one has to go on to get towards healing. While there are some who might be uncomfortable with the subject matter (EVERYONE is likely to be uncomfortable with it; I mean there will be some who are unsure about having students and youths read about it) there is nothing graphic in this book. And, it showcases an important and often taboo reality of life: sexual abuse happens. And it happens to children. As someone who works to make sure that there is a wide range of topics and subjects covered in my collection, this is one that I will eagerly add to the shelves. It is done incredibly well and is something that is so important. Highly recommend.
This is one of those books that is gut-wrenching. The novel, told in sparse verse, details the year following Tori's abuse. Her uncle did something bad and Tori tells her mom. She didn't want to and her mom didn't believe her at first, so Tori struggles on her own for a while. Then, after some events at school, her mother accepts the truth. But others don't. Her grandma says there is no way it could have happened. Tori doesn't want her friends to know. And she struggles with how to deal with all of the feelings that her trauma has caused her (shame, anger, embarrassment, confusion, regret). As you read about Tori and her year, you can feel her pain. You suffocate along with her as the shame grows. You regret her decisions and the responses from the adults in her life in equal measure.
The abuse is never detailed and the word "molestation" is only used once. This is a book that isn't about the voyeuristic details of abuse, it is about the journey one has to go on to get towards healing. While there are some who might be uncomfortable with the subject matter (EVERYONE is likely to be uncomfortable with it; I mean there will be some who are unsure about having students and youths read about it) there is nothing graphic in this book. And, it showcases an important and often taboo reality of life: sexual abuse happens. And it happens to children. As someone who works to make sure that there is a wide range of topics and subjects covered in my collection, this is one that I will eagerly add to the shelves. It is done incredibly well and is something that is so important. Highly recommend.
October 30, 2021
Tori's uncle did something bad, but when Tori tells her mom, she doesn't believe her. Now Tori doesn't want to say any more about it to anyone, but will her bottled up emotions reach a breaking point??
Find it today: https://ent.sharelibraries.info/clien...
Jayme A. / Milton Public Library #CheckOutMPL
Find it today: https://ent.sharelibraries.info/clien...
Jayme A. / Milton Public Library #CheckOutMPL
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February 19, 2020#metoo for middle grades. It’s totally depressing that the world needs this book... but it does. Every public and school library should get at least one copy of WYKWIK. This honest, accessible, and age-appropriate novel in verse is a quick read that has the power to soothe and educate.
May 13, 2020
Respectful and realistic. I almost didn't read it when I saw it was a novel-in-verse, but I can't think of any other way it could have been written.
December 16, 2020
How do you not let someone see something that has affected your entire life? If you’re trying to achieve this misrepresentation, you have to remember that your emotions and personality have also been affected, in fact, your whole being has been altered. In poetic form, this powerful story addresses the issue of abuse. Reporting abuse has been talked about for years but what if that didn’t work and now, you’re left questioning the act itself. Where do you go then?
It was frustrating to read the reaction from Tori’s mom after Tori spoke out about what happened between herself and her uncle. When her mom didn’t believe her, Tori began to doubt herself which then, caused an avalanche of issues. Doubt herself? You were there, right Tori? If you were there and remember it, it happened and it’s real. I couldn’t believe that her mother even said though things without thinking it through.
Tori’s head is now swimming with lots of scenarios, tons of “what if….?” are crossing her mind, as if everything that transpired was her fault. She’s slowing withdrawing herself, closing herself off from everyone. Her grandmother is no help either. I was now having my doubts about the adults in Tori’s life when her teacher noticed that she is not acting like herself. Please let this person be a positive influence in her life?
I liked the way the story flowed with its poetic form. I think it made the story more dramatic, it helped move the story along and it centered the story more. Although Tori dealt with a lot of ups and downs, I feel that unfortunately, what she had to deal with is what many individuals go through today. I thought this was a good book that addresses this issue for younger children. 4.5 stars
It was frustrating to read the reaction from Tori’s mom after Tori spoke out about what happened between herself and her uncle. When her mom didn’t believe her, Tori began to doubt herself which then, caused an avalanche of issues. Doubt herself? You were there, right Tori? If you were there and remember it, it happened and it’s real. I couldn’t believe that her mother even said though things without thinking it through.
Tori’s head is now swimming with lots of scenarios, tons of “what if….?” are crossing her mind, as if everything that transpired was her fault. She’s slowing withdrawing herself, closing herself off from everyone. Her grandmother is no help either. I was now having my doubts about the adults in Tori’s life when her teacher noticed that she is not acting like herself. Please let this person be a positive influence in her life?
I liked the way the story flowed with its poetic form. I think it made the story more dramatic, it helped move the story along and it centered the story more. Although Tori dealt with a lot of ups and downs, I feel that unfortunately, what she had to deal with is what many individuals go through today. I thought this was a good book that addresses this issue for younger children. 4.5 stars
March 15, 2024
Told in verse you follow Toni journey. When her Uncle molested Toni her world is turned upside down, especially her mother doesn’t believe her until she sees Toni acting strangely. Through school and therapist she finally is turning her world upside up. A wonderful book for all to read to know how to handle a situation like Toni. Highly recommend for children as well as adults!!
December 9, 2020
This middle grade book is thoughtful and moving in the way it addresses the realities of sexual assault.
April 19, 2021
4.5
Here we meet 10-year-old Tori in the emotional aftermath of sexual molestation. This novel in verse crafted for middle-grade readers cradles this dire, sensitive issue with compassionate insight.
Here we meet 10-year-old Tori in the emotional aftermath of sexual molestation. This novel in verse crafted for middle-grade readers cradles this dire, sensitive issue with compassionate insight.
December 10, 2021
TW: This book is way too true for our society today and that’s why I think this book is important. Tori gets molested by her own uncle and she struggles to cope. The book, in poetry style, shows her coping and understanding her trauma. Definitely pick it up.
November 19, 2020
I thought this book about a little girl being molested by her uncle was well written for young girls to read. Tori tells her mother and her mother doesn't believe her at first. Later her mother begins to suspect that she is telling the truth. Tori sees a therapist and slowly comes to accept what happened to her and realizes that it was not her fault. At the end of the book, Tori is looking forward to each new day and is happy.
November 18, 2024
This was a very good story of the aftermath of a girl in a traumatic situation. She has to figure out how to tell others and get help without every person that she knows ending up figuring out the scary secret of her experiences. This is a book in verse with a rich plot and symbolism that keeps you hooked! It's a very good side read if you need another story to read if you take a break from your current book, only about a 90-minute read! I hope you read and enjoy it!
October 4, 2022
3.5 stars
This is a novel in verse about a 10 year old girl who is sexually abused in some way by her uncle. It's not on page, and it's never said what exactly happens. The what and how aren't quite as important as the what comes after.
This book is about the main character telling her mother and other loved ones what happened to her, and changing as she comes to terms with it.
I think it just didn't get quite deep into anything enough. I still think it's a really important story for kids to read, especially for them to realize their friends might not just be acting weird because they want to stop being friends...
But yeah, it's just super short, and I think it could have benefited from delving deeper into the emotions attached to such an event and the aftermath. I know at 10 you don't really KNOW those emotions though - so I think it's written more for the audience, which is obviously a good thing, but doesn't leave me as an older person looking for depth very satisfied. I'm still super happy to have this available for kids and think it could be a good starting point for kids who can unfortunately relate but also just for peers who need to learn some empathy.
This is a novel in verse about a 10 year old girl who is sexually abused in some way by her uncle. It's not on page, and it's never said what exactly happens. The what and how aren't quite as important as the what comes after.
This book is about the main character telling her mother and other loved ones what happened to her, and changing as she comes to terms with it.
I think it just didn't get quite deep into anything enough. I still think it's a really important story for kids to read, especially for them to realize their friends might not just be acting weird because they want to stop being friends...
But yeah, it's just super short, and I think it could have benefited from delving deeper into the emotions attached to such an event and the aftermath. I know at 10 you don't really KNOW those emotions though - so I think it's written more for the audience, which is obviously a good thing, but doesn't leave me as an older person looking for depth very satisfied. I'm still super happy to have this available for kids and think it could be a good starting point for kids who can unfortunately relate but also just for peers who need to learn some empathy.
August 26, 2020
Oh my heart! 💔
I loved this book about a girl struggling with her emotions and eventually finding hope after experiencing familial sexual abuse.
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novel in verse ✅
#ownvoices ✅
tough topic ✅
delicate delivery ✅
focus on recovery ✅
debut novel ✅
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.
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This book is important to have in your elementary and middle school library. You never know who needs a book like this one.
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#middleschoollibrarian #middleschoollibrary #library #librarian #futurereadylibs #iteachlibrary #bookstagrammer #bookstagram #librariesofinstagram #librariansofinstagram #librariesfollowlibraries #librarylife #librarianlife #schoollibrarian #middlegrade #middlegradebooks #iteach #librarylove #booksbooksbooks #amreading #bibliophile #schoollibrariansrock #bookreview #bookrecommendation #igreads #malibrary #msla #mediaspecialist
I loved this book about a girl struggling with her emotions and eventually finding hope after experiencing familial sexual abuse.
.
.
.
novel in verse ✅
#ownvoices ✅
tough topic ✅
delicate delivery ✅
focus on recovery ✅
debut novel ✅
.
.
.
This book is important to have in your elementary and middle school library. You never know who needs a book like this one.
.
.
.
#middleschoollibrarian #middleschoollibrary #library #librarian #futurereadylibs #iteachlibrary #bookstagrammer #bookstagram #librariesofinstagram #librariansofinstagram #librariesfollowlibraries #librarylife #librarianlife #schoollibrarian #middlegrade #middlegradebooks #iteach #librarylove #booksbooksbooks #amreading #bibliophile #schoollibrariansrock #bookreview #bookrecommendation #igreads #malibrary #msla #mediaspecialist
January 29, 2020
What a powerful read. This is a middle grade novel that packs a punch. The topic is heavy and sad, however, the verse text helps make it readable and gives it broad appeal. It is very well-written, with an age-appropriate voice.
October 24, 2019
Absolutely essential. Harrowing, haunting, and hopeful WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT I KNOW is a novel in verse about the aftermath of sexual abuse- and it is stunning
December 17, 2019
Such a beautiful written book with such a hard topic but I truly enjoyed this book. I also love reading books in verse so that was a plus.
April 24, 2021
Powerfully honest novel in verse. Tackles the subject of sexual abuse with truth and grace. Highly recommend for all middle graders.
November 22, 2022
Everyone should read this book, one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking things I’ve ever read
December 9, 2021
REVIEW: When You Know What I Know, Sonja K. Solter
RATING: 4.5/5 stars
TW: Childhood SA
"A dull ache in my chest throbs
along with this ghost-memory.
But I want to remember;
it doesn’t haunt me.
It was trying to forget that did."
What a powerful and necessary read for the young adult world today. This novel in verse left me in tears and was extremely hard-hitting. Some of the writing itself is a little on the immature side for my taste, which is honestly true of most of the genre in my experience, but wow...this one will make you hiccup/gasp/ugly cry. All I can say is that it is never any of our faults or anything deserved. I highly recommend the book, but please know your limits going in; the "m-word" is not described in detail but is referenced consistently.
RATING: 4.5/5 stars
TW: Childhood SA
"A dull ache in my chest throbs
along with this ghost-memory.
But I want to remember;
it doesn’t haunt me.
It was trying to forget that did."
What a powerful and necessary read for the young adult world today. This novel in verse left me in tears and was extremely hard-hitting. Some of the writing itself is a little on the immature side for my taste, which is honestly true of most of the genre in my experience, but wow...this one will make you hiccup/gasp/ugly cry. All I can say is that it is never any of our faults or anything deserved. I highly recommend the book, but please know your limits going in; the "m-word" is not described in detail but is referenced consistently.
July 7, 2025
Although it was a quick and easy read, it was one of my favorite reads. As a person who has experienced abuse as a child, it was hard at parts, but that's why it's an important book that was made. It shows the truth of an uncomfortable, awful thing that happens everyday in our world and it shows that it's okay to talk about it. But it also isn't explicit, it talks about it in the way a child would know how to talk about it. There is media in the world where trauma is shown explicitly, which has it's importance in certain ways when done correctly, but this still held it's own power with it being so respectfully written. I enjoyed this book, and I know that when the time comes, my own children will read it, to make sure that they know it's okay to talk about.
May 29, 2021
Publisher is marketing as 8-12 or grades 3-7, which makes sense. Tori is in 5th grade. Note that elementary building teachers and librarians should be familiar with the premise before buying. I wouldn’t want to be blind-sided with a “do you have a minute?” inquiry on this one in the hallway or car rider line.
June 17, 2020
A short and poignant read on the aftermath of molestation, presented in a more-than-accessible way for the target age group. Nicely done, Solter.
November 14, 2020
This book will catch you in the feels. It is the story of a young girl that was abused by her uncle. She tells her mother but she does not believe her. We follow her in the aftermath as she begins to deteriorate and then slowly rebuild herself. It is a tough read but very well done. I would recommend it and think that it would be good for kids to read for the discussions that can come from it.
September 11, 2021
Loved this recommendation from Scout! Super quick and easy read, but on a really heavy and important topic. This book did an excellent job of not going into detail about the abuse the main character experienced, but instead focusing on her journey as she processes and shares with her family and friends.
October 11, 2024
Reading this book and constantly remembering that the main character is about 11 is truly heart breaking. I read this during independent reading time with my students and I feel like this book could potentially open doors for those affected by sexual violence at a young age.
I think that the most impactful element of this book is how we see the narrator's relationships change with those around her as they all process what has happened. I can really see this book being used as a tool to help those affected by trauma see an example of a young person healing.
I think that the most impactful element of this book is how we see the narrator's relationships change with those around her as they all process what has happened. I can really see this book being used as a tool to help those affected by trauma see an example of a young person healing.
October 15, 2023
I randomly picked this up from the library and it was a fantastic, quick read about a sensitive topic.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 152 reviews