This Is Your Brain on Grief: What to Do and Say (and Not) for Yourself and Others

by Faith G. Harper

Microcosm Publihsing bestseller Dr. Faith adds to her series of zines, writing this time about grief. It's hard to imagine anyone else being able to make understanding the grieving process... well, funny, while also being genuine and compassionate. As always, Faith nails it. This zine contains words of solace and helpful wisdom for when you're dealing with grief... but most of all it's full of helpful advice for when you are trying to figure out how to support someone else in their grief and what to say. Grieving is a natural part of life, and having the space to do it the way you need to is vital. Show this zine to the people around you when you need them to give you that space and comfort.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Audiobook, Psychology, Grief

128 pages, Paperback

Published June 15, 2016

About the author

Faith G. Harper, PhD, LPC-S, ACS, ACN is a bad-ass, funny lady with a PhD. She’s a licensed professional counselor, board supervisor, certified sexologist, and applied clinical nutritionist with a private practice and consulting business in San Antonio, TX. She has been an adjunct professor and a TEDx presenter, and proudly identifies as a woman of color and uppity intersectional feminist. She is the author of the book Unf*ck Your Brain and many other popular zines and books on subjects such as anxiety, depression, and grief. She is available as a public speaker and for corporate and clinical trainings.

Reviews

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Note: this book also goes by the name This Is Your Brain on Grief: What to Do and Say (and Not) for Yourself and Others.

In our modern grief-uncomfortable and grief-uninformed culture, this book is a must-read for EVERYONE. Grieving is such a huge part of being human - it's amazing how little we understand it and how little we know about how to care for others who are grieving (whether it's grieving a change, the loss of an ideal, the ending of something, or the death of a loved one).

The main things I picked up:

1) grief can be...

- ambiguous (there is no end date)
- chronic (may be ongoing)
- prolonged (it can last a long, long time)
- cumulative (things that happened recently may tie to things that happened in the past... meaning that when you grieve, you grieve several different things at once)
- disenfranchised (loved ones may not understand why you are grieving to this extent for a loss, or even why you are grieving at all)
- anticipatory (you anticipate a loss, and you hurt every day until the loss happens)
- whatever it is for the person that has experienced the loss

2) the relationship between grieving and other conditions, like anxiety, depression and PTSD

3) the role of ceremony and ritual in grieving

4) how to find a therapist or comfort in other communities and support groups

5) the Tibetan Buddhist practice of tonglen (this type of meditation was also covered in a spectacular podcast episode on Ten Percent Happier with the guest speaker Kelly McGonigall)

6) 'taking care of someone' is not the same thing as 'caring for someone'

Faith Harper also answers some grief-related letters from her readers and responds to each complex situation with compassion, tenderness and insight.

Five stars and an enthusiastic recommendation from me 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

[Kaitlin Lillywhite · Rating 4 out of 5]

A better name for this book might be Grief 101, as it covers the essentials and foundations on grief. My favorite part was her differentiation of grief and depression. Grief is the loss of someone or something, and depression is the loss of yourself. ❤️‍🩹

[Aime' · Rating 4 out of 5]

First of all the edition I read is different than those listed here, published August 2022, 189 pages, ISBN: 978-162106-204-2. It is longer book version of Dr. Harper's 'This is Your Brain on Grief' also containing a Q & A in the back about a variety of expressions of and coping mechanisms for grief. A request to update listing has been put into the Goodreads Librarians.

So, a review, I have read several of Dr. Harper's books and zines, and fine her casual tone and plain language very refreshing and helpful more often than not. This book on grief is not as dense as some of her others that are broader in scope, but then again grief and grieving are in some ways a more personal journey than others. However, the approach to grief in this book as a 'normal' human experience and process that can be compounded, or not, or cause, or not, other mental, emotional, and physical issues, is I think its biggest benefit, especially for those of us who have unresolved grief that has lain dormant, or continues to resurface over time. For me it was a fast read, but also a book, like many of Dr. Harper's, I will be returning to when needed.

I recommend this book and many of Dr. Harper's other books and zines, as good places to start learning, exploring, and healing, as far as mental/emotional, psychical/emotional, sexuality, and interpersonal relationships. Even better ask your local library to buy them so even more people can benefit. :)

[Emily | Planned & Planted · Rating 3 out of 5]

I consider myself a bit of a grief/loss book connoisseur, but this one just missed the mark for me. Much of it read like a first draft (seriously… there were quite a few typos, confusing sentences, and lengthy run-ons) and I think some of the information could have been organized better. The information that’s there is sound, but truthfully, there are other grief books I’d recommend first. I

6 months out form my loss, I can appreciate the blunt, candid, sarcastic manner in which this subject is approached. But it could be hard for someone to stomach in the immediate aftermath of a loss.

I was gunna give 2.5 stars but the last part of the book, the grief advice column style section, redeemed some of it. Honestly I think the whole book should have been written in that style.

[Ziggi Chavez · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I loved this in line with every other book she has published that I’ve gotten to so far, sadly with grief work as it goes, this book did leave me not as cozy feeling as others. Like I said though, the nature of working through grief is that it doesn’t have an end point. Many a time through reading this I was reminded of a line from Wandavision, that “what is grief if not love persevering…” I think that will be my next comfort stop on the grief train, as my prominent source of grief is still a bit too fresh and unready to ease just yet. I highly recommend this and all of Aunty Faith’s works, especially her work with Joe Biel on autism in relationships.

[Nikki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good quick listen that I think people would find validating if they are working through their own loss/grief and maybe would be helpful to listen to in order to find ways to help or support a friend through a loss. Coincidentally we lost a family pet last week so this was helpful to consider as I help my kids work through things. And the last parts of the book are a review of past advice column submissions and the last one deals with the loss of a pet cat. Very fitting for our circumstances!

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I honestly like her book. They are a summary or a phrase for a subject that can be quite difficult to understand for many. However, her book is a simplified version to help get readers on their way. She does include sources to the more complex books, with her guidance. This book definitely has helped me and is a useful read.

Note, she does write informal so if you don't mind then I definitely recommend this book.

[Gillian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read on grief. Harper speaks with humor, compassion, and genuine insight into the subject and beyond. I was particularly interested in the part about being there for those grieving. I think anyone looking to help a loved one in this position should check out this book. Harper also provides several resources to further explore the topic.

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book truly exposes the raw emotions felt when grieving in such a light hearted way (which is exactly what I needed right now). This book is not only for those grieving, but those that want to take care of their loved ones who are hurting. Bottom line: grief is sh*tty, which is why knowing the basics of how to cope with it is sooooo important.

[Jimena · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a very helpful book. For me it was a bit hard to read, I had to take breaks to digest the information.
And with hard I mean that the information was helpful and moved a lot of feelings in me, that’s why I had to take breaks.
I’m not from the States, so some of the information doesn’t apply to me but I guess that for someone over there can be very helpful. I highly recommend it.

[Priya Sekar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy to read, and can take your time as you go through grieving. Something in this for everyone, pretty relatable, but the flip side is that there are sections that won't be relevant to your specific situation (why I gave it 4 instead of 5 stars)

[James · Rating 4 out of 5]

The audiobook for this is magnificent!

[Bethany Winn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. In every way.

[Tammielyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this so comforting - as well as helpful - that as soon as I finished the book, I immediately started at the beginning and listened to it all over again.

[Kara Rowley · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting

[Jasmine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved the letters to auntie section

[Carly Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was very good, lots of useful tips, wish it was longer!

[JA · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are so many more books in this series since the last time I checked. Am I trying to read small books to get my count up? Absolutely.

Grief is like glitter.

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid 4-4.5 stars. A quick read on grief that is honest, thorough, and packs a big punch.

[Maire Marran · Rating 1 out of 5]

Quick romp through grief therapy. Had some insights re: prolonged grief vs. depression, but overall not worth keeping.