Slay In Your Lane: The Black Girl Bible

by Yomi Adegoke, Elizabeth Uviebinené, Elizabeth Uviebenene (Contributor)

The long-awaited, inspirational guide to life for a generation of black British women inspired to make lemonade out of lemons, and find success in every area of their lives.

‘This book is a gift for anyone who wants to better understand what Black women and girls are up against – and the tremendous resources they draw upon as they make their way in the world’ Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and founder of LeanIn.Org and OptionB.Org

Slay In Your Lane is a brilliant book about what it is like to be a woman, black and a Londoner in 2018. Everyone should read it’ Sadiq Khan

‘Black women today are well past making waves – we’re currently creating something of a tsunami. Women who look like us, grew up in similar places to us, talk like us, are shaping almost every sector of society.’

From education to work to dating, this inspirational, honest and provocative book recognises and celebrates the strides black women have already made, while providing practical advice for those who want to do the same and forge a better, visible future.

Illustrated with stories from best friends Elizabeth Uviebinené and Yomi Adegoke’s own lives, and using interviews with dozens of the most successful black women in Britain – including BAFTA Award-winning director Amma Asante, British Vogue publisher Vanessa Kingori and Olympic gold medallist Denise Lewis – Slay In Your Lane is essential reading for a generation of black women inspired to find success in every area of their lives.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Race, Self Help, Audiobook, Politics, British Literature

385 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 5, 2018

About the author

Yomi Adegoke is a British journalist and author. She has written for The Guardian, The Independent and the Pool.
Of Nigerian heritage, Adegoke was born in East London and raised in Croydon. She attended the University of Warwick and studied law.
She published her debut novel, The List, in 2023.

Reviews

[jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I know what you're thinking. 'Girl, you are white? This book isn't for you' - and you would be correct. But, here's the thing. Black women do not need to read this to be educated. They are already living these experiences, and facing these struggles on the daily. Black women should (and will) read this for the affirmation and validation it will provide their experiences, for the sense of inclusive solidarity it provides, and for the practical advice shared throughout by an array of successful, inspirational black women.

White people on the other hand, should read this to be educated. In the same way I'd urge every male who questions the prevalence of sexism in our society to read Laura Bates' Everyday Sexism, I would encourage all white people who still question the scale of racism to read Slay In Your Lane. Even though this is not written for us, we can still learn from it, and anyone who considers themselves an intersectional feminist needs to be aware of the specific challenges black women face throughout all facets of life, and the extent to which sexism and racism will always be interlinked.

I expected this book to be a collection of essays by a variety of different women, much like how The Good Immigrant is laid out. In actuality, it's written purely by Adegoke and Uviebinené themselves, and they weave the real life experiences of several dynamic black women into their discussion in the form of quotes and interview excerpts. It's packed full of practical advice from real women, sometimes even providing real resources that can be accessed, such as websites to visit and support groups available.

This book looks at several areas of modern life and discusses how black women can excel in education, get ahead in business and navigate the complex dating scene. It also delves into the honestly depressing lack of representation (and misrepresentation) they still face in all aspects of the media, the apparent oxymoron in identifying as both Black and British, and the sheer frustration in the lack of suitable beauty products and clothing, despite such a huge market calling for it. Further still, this book looks at the unique stigma that black women in particular face when it comes to seeking help for physical and mental health concerns and just generally documents how institutional racism still plagues the majority of public bodies.

What I feel was especially admirable about this book, was the fact that at no point do the authors appear to be straight forward complaining about the oppression they face - although they would have absolutely every right to. They are careful not to victimise their readers, and instead seek to provide constructive advice, and to inspire. Of course they are annoyed, and angered, and rightly so, but this book feels like them saying 'Look, the odds are stacked against you, the system is rigged, but here's why you can do it anyway' This book is a proud celebration of black excellence.

My hope is that the strength, unity and support that young black women will feel in reading this will be priceless in itself, and I'm very happy this book got published.

Thank you to HarperCollins for providing me with an eBook of this via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

3/5 is a good middle ground. Part of me wants to give it 2/5 and the other part wants to give it 4/5

One thing that I feel I need to state: I am a Black British Woman. In fact I am roughly the same age as the authors of this book. I am who this book is supposed to be marketed towards, and yet - I don't think this book is actually for me.

Without a shadow of a doubt, I am 100% here for the importance, necessity and the information highlighted in this book. However I am in two minds about my review.

The book does a great job of taking the reader thorough a range of milestones in a Black British female's life. From the shared experience of having immigrant parents, being over looked in high school, finding yourself at university, and battling to stay yourself in the working world.

For me however. None of the information I read was new. For the first few pages it was great to see my experience's so clearly reflected on the page but that got old very quickly. It was pages and pages, anecdote after anecdote and chapter after chapter of me thinking. "Yeah yeah yeah, tell me something I don't know" The book didn't give any answers or solutions to the numerous highlighted unfairness's that is the black female experience - and I didn't expect it too, how could it? But after a while it just became a tad depressing.

Though there were a few nuggets of wisdom I will squirrel away and apply to my day to day life. It felt like reading an article - or a dissertation - one with a point, quote comment system, chocked full of statistics, that ended with a conclusion whose aim is never provide solution.

Personally I would say this book was best read by 15-21 year olds. Those currently living - or about to live a lot of the issues this book raises. To arm and prepare them for the unfairness of life just because they were born black and female. Another thought that kept cropping up as I was reading is; "man I wish I had read this while I was doing my GCSE's - my whole educational outlook would have been more focused"

I would also say this should be read by pretty much every other race. The book brings together a range of smart, successful and inspiring women - who have all been subjected to racism, and discrimination in some form or another. Hearing their stories, their views, their feelings. It's a rare insight into Black British Women, one that could help debunk a range of stigmas.

I will be championing this book and recommending it to those who would benefit from the anecdotes, experiences and words of wisdom, but to be honest it won't be me or my friends.

[Brown Girl Reading · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is thorough but unfortunately there isn't much new information. With the title Slay In Your Lane: The Black Girl Bible I had the impression to know exactly who the audience of this book is. The only section that gave some new information was the section on mental health. Even though I didn't learn much new information in this book, I still feel it was an interesting attempt. I hope Adegoke wiill eventually take an even bigger step forward to go even deeper into these subjects.

[Jennifer (Jaye) · Rating 4 out of 5]

**3.5-4 Stars**

I purchased this a while back when it was on offer. This is more targeted to young black women. Although I am not really the target age I could relate to a lot of the material. Colour and racial prejudice features a lot and some of it to me felt like it was not a matter of your ethnicity as women we always seem to be struggling in a man’s world.

I would say this book acts as a guide to young black women about how to value yourself as you are and to not put boundaries on ourselves. Although very inspiring I felt saddened that so much has remained the same from when I was a young woman. Some factors are cultural and the pressures our upbringing puts on us but this can also be applied to any race.

There are snippets of conversations included from successful black women who share their experiences.

I understand the reviews that say they have not learned anything new, a lot of this is because not a lot has moved on from when I was young and there is still a way to go to see ourselves represented in all walks of life, but small steps have been made. It disappoints me that we are still talking about race when I would love a world where I am described as a person and not singled out as a colour.

[Lucy H · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a white woman who lives in an almost overwhelmingly white part of the UK. I read Slay In Your Lane with the wish to understand the challenges experienced and documented by the authors.

This is a clear-eyed unflinching look at the exhausting, demoralising, seemingly endless challenges facing black women in their daily lives, simply because they are black women. From school and family, through University then out into the working world, the weight of expectation - both good and bad - is huge. There are coping strategies, humour, irritation, resignation and some anger in every chapter, but I never felt that the authors strayed into pathos or self-pity.

The writing is effective and engaging, drawing the reader in immediately. There are plentiful anecdotes, quotes and interviews from a range of women which add to the chatty readability of the book.

At no point did I feel harangued or lectured, even when picking up on one or two "microaggressions" I have carried out in the past: unthinkingly commenting on a black colleague's new hairstyle where I wouldn't have mentioned a white colleagues, for example. I will not do so again, and was left feeling retrospectively mortified for my own ignorance.

A minor irritation - the authors refer back and forth to other chapters and sections as if they are presenting a lecture, or writing a dissertation, which I found distracting. It felt rather self-conscious and forced, and interrupted the flow of the narrative for me.

That aside, it is a well-written book which provides insight into a set of experiences I have never shared, and given me a lot to think about for the future.

Anyone who is remotely interested in feminism, society and race (ie pretty much anyone, I hope!) ought to read this.


Note: I have not read the entire book from cover to cover, but the writing style is so accessible and interesting that I could have done so easily.

[Imi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to the abridged extracts from this book as broadcast on BBC Radio 4's 'Book of the Week.' These were five 15 minute episodes, read by the authors themselves. After the first absolutely brilliant first episode, I found myself thinking that if the rest of episodes were this good, I'd probably have to buy the book and read it in full!

The first episode was created, apparently, from extracts from the essays 'It's Always a Race Thing with Her', and 'Lawyer, Doctor, Engineer'. This episode begins with a discussion on the double standards black women face today. They are told to "work twice as hard to be considered half as good." The rest of this episode goes into more detail on how this manifests in education, and includes an interview with a researcher on the topic, as well as an account from Dr Maggie Aderin-Pocock (a science TV presenter, for those who don't know), who I absolutely LOVE, so I have to admit I squealed with delight that she was included.

The next two episodes discuss the racist and discriminatory cultures that exists at universities, in the workplace, and in the media and popular culture. One example given is the discrimination and abuse faced by the first black female MP in the UK, Dianne Abbott, who anyone who follows British politics will know has been treated appallingly by the British media and beyond. Episode 4 explains how the internet has been a mixed blessing to minorities. On the one hand, the internet has made it easier find information and others like you, helping many to realise they are less alone than they grew up believing. However, the internet also allows racism and discrimination to flourish, largely unchallenged. In episode 5, Yomi Adegoke shares her own story of mental illness. She talks about the links between racism and sexism with mental illness due to the shame that is often left unspoken and internalised.

What I heard here was fantastic, and I am now convinced I need to track the book down and read it in full. I will leave it unrated and marked as DNF until then. Although, it appears the book has been written with a mainly black, British and female audience in mind, I (as a white, British woman) feel that this book should be read by many others than just this one group. If we want change, then we all need to take responsibility for it.

[Tamara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had this book growing up. To me, it speaks so much truth to the Black women's experience in life. I'm surprised it is based in the UK. It talks about the lack of make-up selection for Black Women in stores. An issue that make up companies didn't take seriously until Rihanna came out with her make up line and it was highly successful. It talks about bold and overt racism, what "Becky with the good hair means", hair in general, mental health and why "praying about it" isn't always enough, how Black women are resilient. It also mention the idea of "token". This concept I'm very aware but have never read about in such a bold way. It also talks about the cultural influences and pressure that is placed on young Black girls.

This book is a big "You are Not Alone" sign to every Black Women.

[Eoin McGrath · Rating 4 out of 5]

Triple i - impactful, informative and insightful

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

From BBC radio 4 - Book of the week:
Two friends explore what it means to be young, black and female in the UK today.

Young black women are facing uniquely challenging experiences in all aspects of their lives. And these experiences are not necessarily the same in the UK as they are in the US. So, when best friends Yomi Adegoke and Elizabeth Uviebinené searched for a book that addressed these challenges they realised there was nothing that specifically addressed being black, British, young and female - and you could add to that smart, ambitious and mostly invisible.

Slay in Your Lane is the love child of exasperation and optimism - part guide, part history, part snapshot of the state of the nation. Examining aspects of life including education, work, health, and everyday racism, it's an honest and provocative book offering advice alongside some startling statistics, as well as stories and anecdotes from interviewees including some of the most successful black women in Britain today.

Written and read by Yomi Adegoke and Elizabeth Uviebinené with additional recorded interviews.
Abridged by Jill Waters and Isobel Creed
Produced by Jill Waters
A Waters Company production for BBC Radio 4.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0b9...

[Kúnmi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Overwhelming depressing stats and stories. A few tid bits of useful advice here and there, mainly in the career chapter. I think more could have been made about the successes of the women interviewed to inspire readers as the lineup was impressive. Overall quite disappointing as I had high hopes, but perhaps I’m just out of the age bracket to find it relatable.

[Caroline · Rating 4 out of 5]

A LOT has been put into this book and as a result it is incredibly fruitful. It reminded me that I am not alone and had tons of advice which was very motivating. My only issue is that it's quite heteronormative so a disclaimer would have been preferred but that was my only issue.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style.’ - Maya Angelou

this collection of amazing advice and personal stories by incredible and inspirational black women is epitomised by the above quote.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This took me so long to read because it’s so brilliantly researched and full of shocking, often terrifying, facts. The book is so inspirational, I’m going to be recommending this book for months.

[Iona McConnell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm obviously not the target for this book but I heard the authors on the High Low podcast and was intrigued. I really enjoyed reading this, it's been heavily researched and the authors spoke to many black women in different fields and its extremely interesting to hear their thoughts and views. I found it thought provoking and challenging (in the right way)

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

an insightful glimpse into the lives and concerns of Black British women in the twenty-first century, from the perspective of two best friends at the prime of their lives. adegoke and uviebinené discuss and dissect a plethora of subjects, from how the workplace environment inherently disenfranchises and works against black women to the systemic racism within the beauty industry.

the chapters are each accompanied by interviews with successful black women across the fields of music, television, academia and business, each with their own story to tell but with similarly disheartening experiences. their writing style is informative and consistently backed up by stats and a wicked sense of humour, making it easy to absorb every snippet of information and experience.

for anyone looking to learn more about the blatant misogynoir, racism and classism experienced by black women in Britain today, slay in your lane is essential reading. severely underrated, sharply observant and enough to make you question and think about your own behaviours - this should be on everyone’s reading list.

[Libby · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a great audiobook to listen to. I started listening to it, and by the author's first description of it being the Black Girl's Bible, I wondered if it was right for me to continue listening. Was this written for me? No. Is it then appropriate for me to keep listening, when this is really written to empower others? I was a little unsure, but I kept listening. I'm so glad I did. Should you listen to this if you're not a Black British woman? The answer is yes. If you want to understand and empathise with a part of the population you probably only think you know, then you need to listen with an open heart and mind. It challenges you to see the world differently and to question why we continue to let society function with such inequity. Hopefully it will inspire you to seek out ways how you can support and grow a movement, too.

I loved how the audiobook included the interviews of the women featured, rather than just quoting them throughout; it really added so much authenticity and voice to it (literally and figuratively). The first few chapters on the kind of racism you may face in school and university as a Black woman are shocking; as are the chapters on beauty and image and what Black women go through to achieve less natural looks. I hated discovering the pressure felt to look more white, that beauty is based more on white/European features, and the literal pain and damage caused by it. But I also loved hearing about the Black women who are winning at life and business, who are being the boss ladies they can be. I listened to this and told as many people as I could to listen to or read it as well. If we're to become real allies, we need to listen. Then we need to give space. We need to get angry and call things out as well.

In terms of editorial critiques, I think there are quotes that are shared that are stand-alone when the book is in written form, e.g. starting a chapter, but as an audiobook it feels like they are repeated unnecessarily. In some ways it could feel repetitive, especially if you're listening to it in huge chunks at a time like I did (maybe days apart, in smaller sections, I might not have noticed). However, I'm not going to count this as a real criticism - sometimes to get the point across, we need to hear things on repeat for them to really sink in, and who am I to pass a critique on these women who are doing the most incredible work to empower others and make a more equitable world?

[Catalina Vieru · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good book, seems to be written specifically for young black women, but it provides a perspective allies could benefit from on micro agressions, cultural differences and lack of representation for black women.

[Blackgirlsreadtoo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hey friends,
.
Depending on your level of tolerance for political books, you may or may not like it.

“Slay in your lane” was a wonderful gift from 4th estate. Out in July. Here is my mini review.

Wholehearted advice for practical application. This little book (as ratchet as it might sound) is a total gem. I’d place it in the same category as “why I am no longer talking to white people about race”. If I wasn’t discovering TED videos in 2012, I might just have missed Chimamanda’s powerful talk. My reading life too may have taken off in a different trajectory. It is that serious. Representation matters & some of us are playing catch up.
.
These authors both in their 20’s shell out candid advice & anecdotes on the struggles of working, plus, dating in the UK. I found myself nodding in agreement to a great deal of it. For example: dealing with micro-aggressions. Tbh, the struggle is sooo real. Equally, I often have conversations with people who openly admit to only looking for interracial relationships. Such conversations don’t interest me. But, that doesn’t mean I am not listening or reading about it so I can understand how others view dating.

The book carries on treading between didactic and friendly prose. Easy to read. Clear, nuanced & jam packed with helpful aphorisms like:

“Setting boundaries is important. It’s a healthy part of being a human being. You don’t have to feel dragged in, disrespected & abused. Or forced into accepting an apology which doesn’t sit well with you”

An ideal read for anyone who is both unaware or unsure. Or if you are a teenager hoping to understand why all the 20-something-year-olds don’t seem to have their shit together. Instead of the “life is tough” advice. This is the book for that, just like there is a book for everything else. What a powerful reminder to #slayinyourlane?

[Paulette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent! Well researched examination of bigotry and racism in the UK towards black University students and young workers. Their experiences are not unlike the experiences of young POC at many majority white institutions here in the US. Definitely reminded me of my time at the University of Florida in the early 80's and seeking out and belonging to groups like the Caribbean Students' association and gospel choir. There were so few black students that most either pledged or joined a group. I listened to the abridged version on BBC-4 because I just couldn't find the audiobook online in the US.

[Ailsa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is brilliant and so timely - but don’t listen to me, I’m just some random white girl. Listen to Yomi Adegoke and Elizabeth Uviebinené and all the amazing women interviewed for this book about growing up as a black girl in Britain today. Incredibly well researched, covering topics from education to dating, this really is a bible. I’m honoured to have been able to read it and be thoroughly educated on issues I don’t know enough about. It should be a handbook in every high school classroom.

(I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review)

[Yemurai · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although this book doesn't mention anything new, it was a great read for me personally because it validated me. It gave me words and terms to describe my daily encounters and although I am not a black British woman, I am still a black foreign woman in a predominantly racist and xenophobic country. This book made me feel validated and affirmed and that I something as black women I feel we need from time to time.

[Shalisha · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think it's a great book but I don't think I am the target reader. It became a repetition of narrations of things I've already experienced and learnt the lessons of what a black woman goes through and how to navigate the world, so I'm not getting any new revelations.

I do find myself thinking "I wish I had this book when I was 16 -21 years old" This is defo a 'must read' for that age group where you are just beginning to enter into the real world.

[Jade Phillips · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book does a great job of capturing the different elements of the experiences that black women living in Britain go through. Perfect balance between evidence and personal experiences. I also felt that drawing on the experiences of several black women was more impactful. I'd definitely recommend.

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insightful. Everyone should read it.

[Alexa · Rating 2 out of 5]

This would probably be a great book for young girls or children who don’t understand what the world is gonna to be for them as a Black person.

[Immy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was suggested as reading for a BAME leadership course. Firstly I appreciate this book isn’t for me as I’m not a black woman. That said I’ve read similar titles that cover a lot of the same ground so I can comment from a perspective of experience with anti-racist literature. I think where this one falls short is its broad choice of topics and structure. It covers a very broad remit and leans heavily on sweeping statements. For example, there are claims that there are no widening participation programmes that target race (not true, that’s literally my job!) and that intersectionality was popularised on the internet. Technically the latter is true but failure to credit Kimberlé Crenshaw properly felt symptomatic of the underlying tone of this book: essentialist. It was better researched than June Sarpong’s Diversify but titles like Taking Up Space and Don’t Touch My Hair work better by taking a core subject (university and hair politics) and working outwards, drawing these broader themes into a specific topic (E.g mental health, education and work). This book has a journalistic tone which is fine but I’m often not keen on how this translates into non fiction. The language is often designed to grab your attention through big claims and shock tactics, and too much of this becomes overbearing. Ideally this book would be split into several books to cover each chapter in more detail but I appreciate that this would be difficult to negotiate with publishers! Again though, please take all this with a pinch of salt as fundamentally I am an anti-racist and non black POC, meaning I’m not the target audience.

[Sandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not so much a review but I just wanted to share how I felt about this book.
I want to highlight this book because despite it taking me a year to read, I really loved it. From education through to family, dating and health these women talked about experiences I had been through and I'm still blown away by how well it resonated with me. In addition to experiences, they presented a wealth of research and statistics that demonstrate how Black women are othered in so many areas that are essential to their wellbeing and general growth. Reading this, I felt somewhat lucky to have made it through systems and situations that have never been set up to aid me because truly it's remarkable that so many Black women make it through the onslaught the society throws at them. I know by now a lot of people are thinking 'ain't ya'll black people tired of BLM now?' but it's the experiences highlighted in this book that lets me know we can never be tired of speaking about it because living it is exhausting, so speak we must. If you're interested in the experiences of Black women then I highly recommend this book that looks at the complexity of this experience, particularly for 2nd generation children. I am more attached to this book because it talks about Black British women and a lot of the research is heavily focused on African and Caribbean people in the UK. Even though some of the statistics were incredibly bleak, reading this I felt seen and I felt empowered, but mostly I felt proud. There's a 'follow up' to this called Loud Black Girls which will be published in October and in this, the authors have curated a selection of 20 essays from Black British writers on the topic of 'what's next' for the next generation of Black women in Britain.

[Deej · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was exactly what I wanted AND more! Being a American Black woman, I related to so many things about this (“Preaching to the choir!”). At the same time, there were multiple times that I had to stop and think “oh man, that’s a unique perspective to a similar problem.” And other times I had to put the book down and walk away, because it was in such disbelief that some of the blatant acts of racism were happening and brushed aside in the 2010s.

I think the biggest eye opener was the distinction between Black African, Black Caribbean, and Black Other and the unique issues that exists between the groups and individually. It’s something not as common in the US, but I’ve become more aware of in the past month because of this book.

I cannot wait to pick up more books by this dynamic duo, and continue my education on Black voices outside the US. 💖

[The Artisan Geek]

18/1/20
Got a copy of this back when I was in London in August. I've been reading quite a bit of self help books recently, most of which have left me a disillusioned, so I hope I'll be able to relate more to this book.

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[Leatrice · Rating 2 out of 5]

I believe this book has been written before except with American black women. Nothing new. Maybe this book is more for allies.