We Need to Talk About Mum & Dad: A practical guide to parenting our ageing parents

by Jean Kittson

Everything you need to know about supporting ageing parents, from author and comedian Jean Kittson.

This warm and witty practical guide is a one-stop shop for information on how to support your ageing loved how to protect their health and wellbeing, keep them safe and secure, and enable them to be self-determining and independent for as long as possible.

Full of expert advice and first-hand experience, this is your go-to resource to help

* Navigate the bureaucratic maze while remaining sane
* Understand what is needed for your elder's health and wellbeing and how to get it, especially in a medical emergency
* Survive the avalanche of legal papers and official forms
* Choose the best place for them to live - home, retirement village, residential aged care, or granny and grandpa flat - and help your elders relocate with love and respect.

Compelled to discuss some of life's most confronting questions, Jean shares heartfelt stories and clear facts alongside wonderful cartoons from much-loved Australian cartoonist, Patrick Cook.

Following on from her 2014 bestseller, You're Still Hot to Me , a treatise on menopause, We Need to Talk About Mum and Dad is a guide to what happens when we become parents of our parents.

Genres: Nonfiction

372 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 10, 2020

About the author

Australian playwright.

Reviews

[The Book Squirrel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is essential reading about a difficult topic - ageing, the end of life, and death.
It is comprehensive, practical, humorous and a no-bull-shit guide to the realities of aging and the Australian aged-care system.
The purpose is to not only give people control over their last years, but to also ensure that those last years are as good as possible. Ageing and death can be traumatic enough (to everyone involved: the dying as well as family and friends), but it's all the more traumatic if you haven't prepared or don't have plans in place. This book helps you make those plans.
Read it with a highlighter and sticky notes to mark pages!

[Carmel · Rating 2 out of 5]

This sounded like a pretty timely book for me to read - even though my husband and I have already had 3 of our 4 parents pass away. Unfortunately it didn’t really deliver for me but that doesn’t mean it won’t for others as it does address all sorts of pertinent issues around aging and housing and palliative care and death itself. But I didn’t really get many insights into this tricky time when you find yourself parenting your parent. It does nicely stress how important it is to remain very respectful of your parents experiences and wishes. Jean Kittson is a comedian with an unusual sounding voice and listening to this book was a bit grating.

[Sarah]

A very practical guide to the world of "parenting your parents", or looking after them as they age. Jean Kittson delivers what could be very complicated and dry information with clarity and humour. Helpfully, it is also both Australian and recent (2020).

[Kiwiflora · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quite by chance I read a review of this, and thought how opportune. Having ageing parents who are living in an opaque bubble, semi-oblivious to their increasingly infirm state, not interested in hearing about powers of attorney, if the house is too big, worries about falling and breaking hips, drivers licence renewed again.... and so it goes on.

The author, Jean Kittson, is well known in her home country of Australia as a writer, comedian, performer on TV, radio and in print. I haven't heard of her here in NZ, but it makes no odds, and in fact is a good thing as I had no idea what to expect with this book. Because I didn't know anything about her I could focus solely on what she had to say rather than having her public persona in the back of my mind as I read this. Imagine Kim writing about Kath and Kel's old age care.

Jean Kittson has elderly parents and has found the entire experience of navigating the health system, the geriatric care system, her siblings, her own parents' increasingly frail and mental states very difficult, frustrating and trying. So, being the sensible woman she is, she has now turned her experiences into a hand book. And it is very good. If you don't live in Australia, don't let the information and frustrations with the Australian providers put you off. Because the problems with ageing that your parents and yourselves have are exactly the same world over, and there is plenty of information and ideas and common sense advice plus sharing of experiences for this book to be very helpful. And did I say funny?

From sorting out the legals - wills, powers of attorney, to getting on with the doctor, to dealing with your brothers and sisters, to making sure your parents are able to clean and feed themselves, getting them to talk about the ridiculous possibility of having to downsize, dealing with aged care organisations, rest homes and retirement villages, illness, palliative care and the death of a parent - it is ALL here. Written with plenty of wit, personal anecdotes and those of friends and acquaintances - funny, alarming, gently humorous, this book will help enormously with your own parental processes. And the decision making around your own future years. Totally recommend this for everyone to read.

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting resource book.
As a paper book it is one to dip into the various sections you require for a situation you may find yourself in.
As an audiobook it is interesting to follow the breadth of life as ageing and caring occurs.
I could relate to a lot of what is discussed having relatively recently travelled along with an ageing loved one to the inevitable end.
I imagine a lot of the detail around the services and contacts will change within a short space in time as is the manner of government departments, but the basic and overriding principles of care for all involved will remain current.
The truth remains……. Death will definitely come to us all and if we are lucky we will live a happy and healthy life to a grand old age and be able to live independently, but it is quite possible that will not be our journey no matter how much we wish for it and this book has hints and ways of approaches changing roles, all written a humorous and easy to follow way.

[Charlotte Clutterbuck · Rating 4 out of 5]

Combining Kittson's well-known humour with hard-hitting wake-upcalls, We Need to Talk about Mum and Dad guides the reader through the pitfalls, duties, and rewards of caring for our elders. Our elders need an advocate like Kittson, who does not pull her punches and relates some powerful stories about how much they can suffer when they lose power over their lives. It's also a gift to those of us who have finished caring for our parents. It could help us to look carefully now at how we want for ourselves and our children as we age. At times the humour and chat are a little overdone, and although a lot of the administrative information is useful, it is almost as overwhelming as reading the bureaucratic documents themselves.

[Chloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must-read for anyone who's parents are ageing and even for those whose parents aren't. It provides a lot of the information you'll need when your parents age such as information about wills, retirement villages and even things to know when your parent/parents pass away. Jean makes it light and funny (i loved her Centrelink quips!) so if you think this would be a depressing read, I promise you it's not! It's a very important book and it's super easy to understand, she breaks down a lot of information that is normally a bit complicated.

[Karen Hapgood · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book in the middle of a family health crisis. It was full of relevant information and survival tips, well researched with contributions from experts and also first hand accounts, and funny. Made me laugh several times despite it all. Especially about Jeans own Dad, up on the roof asking her to pass him a spammer and his walking stick, or actively sabotaging medical appointments he didn’t want yo go to and generally being a lovable cheeky stubborn old bugger. Recommended. Even if it’s just as a kind of therapy afterwards.

[Leonie Youngberry · Rating 5 out of 5]

I no longer have living parents and read this to see if it addressed all the issues we had faced when dealing with an ageing parent and the hazards involved in trying to navigate the aged care system. It does and I wish it had been published a couple of years ago! I hope this book finds its way into the hands of anyone who has this ahead of them - it will be a valuable resource and good on you Jean Kittson!

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened on audio. I think it’s practical to have the written version so you can mark off the lists and highlight the documents she talks about And flick back and forward because I think that will make it easier for you get yourself and your parents organised. Contains some horror stories about what not to do and why you need to be organised. If you can’t get around to reading the book then get some legal advise from somebody experienced in old people’s planning.

[Helen Goltz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you, Jean, for tapping into every nuance of this experience. What a huge learning curve (still ongoing) and thanks for flagging things I haven't even encountered yet. You truly nailed the emotional experience as well (for me let alone Mum) and I laughed out loud reading the siblings/relatives profile. Thank you for an invaluable guide, but more importantly at this stage, the empathy.

[Debbie Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great resource for those with elderly parents. Full of useful, real, honest accounts of what is ahead of us. The amount of information given, the flow of the book and the personal stories add up to make it a book that can be referred to time and again.

[J · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny - very informative - worth it's weight in gold.

[Kylie Abecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was nothing like I’d expected, though it was extremely informative and touched on a LOT of topics I’d not even thought of.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well worth reading when you have older family members who may need help now or in the future to navigate ageing & the services available.

[Helen Plaschke · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of practical advice but a bit overwhelming depending on your age bracket!

[Wendy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting and informative but not startlingly so.

[Lyn Quilty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some most useful information but so much padding in this book, could have been half the length.

[Brenda Rosser]

practical, funny, wonderful resource

[Blathnaid · Rating 5 out of 5]

Written with humour

[Melanie Cook · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book based on the experiences of the author in navigating the Aged Care system in Australia. It goes through everything from finance, health, living, quality of life etc.
I borrowed this from the library to see if it is a good book to gift my mother who is navigating the aged care system. I ended up getting herself and myself a copy to reference. Very helpful.

What I liked about this book:
- Very helpful
- Good at explaining the navigation of systems
- Sense of humour - which is much needed on this topic
- References to websites or who to go to
- Stories of experiences make it relatable
- Cartoons were funny

What I didn't like about the book:
- I didn't get some of the humour but that's probably because I am 30.
- I found it extremely upsetting how broken the system is - as a healthcare workers I find it very upsetting to that the author needed to write this book in the first place.