But Like Maybe Don't?: What Not to Do When Dating: An Illustrated Guide

by Arianna Margulis

A hilarious, hopeful guide to what you need to get wrong in love before you get it right.

Arianna Margulis’s pen was set aflame when a boyfriend took her for a walk in Central Park. She was sneak-attack dumped because she “interfered with his meditation schedule.” After a few sobs, she found her way to a Sharpie, doodled the hilarity and the heartbreak, and But Like Maybe was born. As her cartoons became an Instagram cult hit, Arianna chronicled her misadventures through modern love via a crop-topped doppelganger, equal parts optimistic and anxious, who holds tight to the belief that bae is out there.

Now, with 70 never-before-seen toons, her first book is a witty and winning primer on what not to do when dating. Inspired by all the ways Arianna’s gone wrong in her search for love, from planning matching outfits with her high school boyfriend without his knowledge to deplaning an aircraft because her crush texted, this charming and off-kilter anti-guide gently leads you to what realizing that you’re already pretty awesome.

With plenty of advice for recognizing and moving on when he’s just not that into you, Arianna shows how to not let a read receipt ruin your night, what to do when the slow fade commences, and how to flip the busy script on a guy. Dating can make the best of us a bit crazy. Keep this guide by your side so that the next time tequila urges you to text your ex, you can instead tell yourself . . . but like maybe don’t.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Memoir, Comics, Graphic Novels, Self Help, Romance

176 pages, Hardcover

First published February 5, 2020

Reviews

[Trin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Whoa. This is like a glimpse into an alternate universe. Or maybe an M. Night Shyamalan movie -- the twist is that I was the alien all along...

I have never felt this obsessive and crazy about any guy I have dated or crushed on ever. I have certainly never stalked a large portion of my crushes, which Margulis admits to--not with pride, exactly, but with a remarkable lack of self-judgment. This is just something you do, apparently! Antics besides stalking include actually surprise moving across the country for a guy, Rebecca Bunch-style.

Who does this?

Is this what dating and romance is actually like for a lot of people?

Almost everyone in this book is kind of horrifying to me. I read the entire thing with my jaw slack. Margulis seems sincere in wanting to promote her own personal growth and that of her readers, which is...sweet, but if anything in here actually is, as presented, even adjacent to a baseline normal experience...

I figured it out. I am a Vulcan.

See you in seven years, crazy dating book!

[Chandra Claypool (WhereTheReaderGrows) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book showed up on my doorstep last night and I started flipping through it and then just devoured it.... and I feel personally attacked by this book. I resemble way too many things in this book, I don't even know what to do with myself! Hahaha. Anyone who has been trampled in the stampede of dating (at any age) will enjoy this fun, illustrated read on all the stupid (and human) things we've all done. Unless you're in the one and only relationship you've ever been in (applause), then you probably have your own set of problems. ;).

I've always agreed that the "too busy" excuse is bullshit. When you want it, you'll always find a way. And what is worse? Getting ghosted or slow faded? But in all the things done "wrong", lessons are learned (hopefully) and sometimes, it's not you. I could probably add a chapter or two in here as my friends can agree that I'm not great with relationships and have some definite interesting stories to tell. The author does a fantastically hilarious job of covering the basics and I recommend this for anyone who needs a good laugh and has been through the gaunlet.

5 stars for pure entertainment and relatability.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

But Like Maybe Don’t chronicles the dating failures of the author Arianna Marquis. At times funny it was often horrifying the lengths she would go to find love, or what she thought love was. Fun illustrations and her dry humor made this book a fun fast read.

[BookOfCinz · Rating 2 out of 5]

Arianna Margulis details all her dating faux pas in But Like Maybe Don't?: What Not To Do When Dating: An Illustrated Guide . From online stalking, to getting invested too quickly, to ghosting, to being too emotionally available, Margulis details how we should not make the mistakes she did while dating.

Of a lot of these stories are a bit too far-fetched but I guess we need those to make the illustrated guide work... Overall a fun, quick read and a great reminder to keep your chill!

[Steven · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun artistic style. Simple content. I'm not convinced anyone actually commits these dating behaviors in real life, but it made for a relatively entertaining short read.

[Alexandra Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Carrie Bradshaw is this u?

[Gracella · Rating 3 out of 5]

”Oof, let’s lighten this up again, shall we? Instead of going back to someone who hurts you constantly, choose pizza. It’s just safer.”

—————————

This book is light, entertaining, witty, and somewhat (ahem) relatable to me in some way. Makes me feel that i’m not alone. There are also a lot of people out there who feel what you feel and go trough what you go through. Not to mention the simple yet cute doodles!

Finish this one up right away in a sitting.

[Hannah Azar · Rating 4 out of 5]

It made me laugh but also kinda want to cry because I have never felt my insanity so clearly laid out before. I probably don’t recommend to others because I don’t know anyone as crazy as me, and I don’t want the people who know me to know the full extent of my crazy.

[Unwisely · Rating 3 out of 5]

Much to my surprise this wasn't just a collection of comics; it was more of a dating advice book (with confessional stories that mostly made me go OH HONEY NO...maybe we wouldn't actually be best friends IRL? But I'm willing to give it a shot!). Not what I was expecting, but her point about "if you have to ask what you are, then you have your answer" feels particularly applicable to my life (this dude was social distancing before it was cool!) Pleasant, and the comics are as spot-on as ever!

[Jacki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shit…. I needed the Leo section.

[Burnsie · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing read--pretty quick, but honestly so good. If you need a pick me up, or in the throes of dating problems, I suggest this book! I've loved these comics for years!

[Ali Peikon Solomon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cute and funny

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've had this book for yearssss because I won it in a giveaway, and since I am finally starting my lover era (or manifesting that I am 😉) I decided to pick this up!
Such a good, fun time, while I can't relate to a lot of Arianna's shenanigans it was a blast.
I love me an illustrated/graphics type of book, it just makes reading 1000% better.

Some of my fave lines are...
"It's cute he didn't realize the depth of my insanity." (p. 53)

"You'd be surprised by how quickly you get over someone when you start getting obsessed with yourself." (p. 166)

"I told him I'm headed this way, and if he wanted to come along, he better keep up." (p. 168)

[Alejandro Dyer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a fun read you can probably finish in under an hour. Pretty funny. The author is down horrendous. If you have ever done something crazy for a guy or girl, read this and u won't feel like u were that crazy.

[Stephanie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is one of the worst dating guides I have ever read. It feels like it was written by a 15 year old for 15 year olds. I genuinely feel like the author just wanted to list out every crazy and insane thing she did while dating and then just go well I’m just so quirky, cool, and different for that. The book claims to be a what not to do guide, yet after every absolutely insane story she follows it up with don’t do it but actually I still do it and won’t blame you if you do. What kind of advice is that for the young girls this is supposed to be targeting??? It just normalizes this weird behavior that is not zany and cute it’s stalkery and creepy. Not to mention the poor friend she mentions here and there who has to keep putting up with this behavior because author is so insecure that she lets boys run her life.

The whole book feels completely antifeminist and boy crazy. Every story is abut stalking someone or becoming obsessed with someone upon one meeting and then immediately doing something so weird and clingy. There is no serious message here and no one should be emulating this behavior.

The art was also really bad. Clearly this was on purpose, but it comes across as lazy to me. I’m assuming this is her typical style based on whatever social media she got famous with but it was not for me.

If you want some real advice, the reason that dating doesn’t work for this person is because she is way too clingy. She has an anxious attachment relationship style and clings hard to these men way too fast which scares them away. She also clearly cannot stop fantasizing about the idea of the person and relationship rather than seeing the relationship for what it is. The guy says and acts like she’s just a no strings attached hookup and yet she still thinks in her head she’s going to win him over. You have to believe people when they show you who they are. So what you really need is a therapist and a few years off of dating to actually work on yourself and build a personality that’s not centered on boys and being liked by boys. I’m glad she at least mentioned at the end that she’s started coming out of this behavior a little bit when she focused on her art but she’s clearly got a long way to go.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished reading the book “BUT LIKE MAYBE DON’T” by ARIANNA MARGULIS. I read this book while listening to the audible version narrated by ARIANNA MARGULIS, BARBARA HELLER, and KIRBY HEYBORNE. It is #33 in my AROUND THE YEAR IN 52 BOOKS BOOKCLUB (a book that might cause someone to react “You read what?!?). Arianna Margulis's pen was set aflame when a boyfriend took her for a walk in Central Park. She was sneak-attack dumped because she "interfered with his meditation schedule." After a few sobs, she found her way to a Sharpie, doodled the hilarity and the heartbreak, and But Like Maybe was born. As her cartoons became an Instagram cult hit, Arianna chronicled her misadventures through modern love via a crop-topped doppelganger, equal parts optimistic and anxious, who holds tight to the belief that bae is out there. Now, with 70 never-before-seen toons, her first book is a witty and winning primer on what not to do when dating. Inspired by all the ways Arianna's gone wrong in her search for love, from planning matching outfits with her high school boyfriend without his knowledge to deplaning an aircraft because her crush texted, this charming and off-kilter anti-guide gently leads you to what matters: realizing that you're already pretty awesome. With plenty of advice for recognizing and moving on when he's just not that into you, Arianna shows how to not let a read receipt ruin your night, what to do when the slow fade commences, and how to flip the busy script on a guy. Dating can make the best of us a bit crazy. Keep this guide by your side so that the next time tequila urges you to text your ex, you can instead tell yourself . . . but like maybe don't. This was a fun read. Keeps you laughing.

[WendyLady03 · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a very quick but cute read.

I really enjoy Arianna's comics and I think they work especially well on Instagram, I'm just not sure how well they translated over to a whole book. Some of the dating stories are VERY out there and come from a pretty obvious degree of privilege. I mean, how do people afford to just jet all over the country to stalk their crush? Also I want to yell at someone for breaking my heart in the middle of 5th Avenue while holding my heels, but I am poor and have only been to New York once when I piggybacked on a friend's trip with her family. It wasn't fun, I slept on the floor of the hotel room that we snuck 10 people into to keep the cost down.

The book is fun and it highlights some behavior that I think we've all come across or have actually committed ourselves while dating (I'm excellent at the slow fade). Also akin to dating me, don't go in to this book with too many serious expectations and you'll probably like it just fine.

[Mary · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a quick read. It was supposed to be a humorous tale of the dating shenanigans of the author but I only found most of it to be very cringe worthy and have to say the author could not have had much self respect. I’m very glad to read she has “wised up”. At least I hope she truly has. I’ll say though it took a lot of guts to put all that out there for anyone to read.

[Christine Lasa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some bits of the story made me cringe, but overall it was comical, good for an easy-breezy read.
All respect to the author though for sharing her (terrible) dating mishaps and lessons. The drawings were cute :)

[Amanda · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5* stars

This was a solid “meh”. The comics were super cute and it was relatable but it was all VERY OBVIOUS advice. I wouldn’t recommend it to people but it was kind of funny and quick. I also don’t 100% agree with all of the advice but maybe that’s just me.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished reading the book “BUT LIKE MAYBE DON’T” by ARIANNA MARGULIS. I read this book while listening to the audible version narrated by ARIANNA MARGULIS, BARBARA HELLER, and KIRBY HEYBORNE. It is #32 in my AROUND THE YEAR IN 52 BOOKS BOOKCLUB (a book that might cause someone to react “You read what?!?). Arianna Margulis's pen was set aflame when a boyfriend took her for a walk in Central Park. She was sneak-attack dumped because she "interfered with his meditation schedule." After a few sobs, she found her way to a Sharpie, doodled the hilarity and the heartbreak, and But Like Maybe was born. As her cartoons became an Instagram cult hit, Arianna chronicled her misadventures through modern love via a crop-topped doppelganger, equal parts optimistic and anxious, who holds tight to the belief that bae is out there. Now, with 70 never-before-seen toons, her first book is a witty and winning primer on what not to do when dating. Inspired by all the ways Arianna's gone wrong in her search for love, from planning matching outfits with her high school boyfriend without his knowledge to deplaning an aircraft because her crush texted, this charming and off-kilter anti-guide gently leads you to what matters: realizing that you're already pretty awesome. With plenty of advice for recognizing and moving on when he's just not that into you, Arianna shows how to not let a read receipt ruin your night, what to do when the slow fade commences, and how to flip the busy script on a guy. Dating can make the best of us a bit crazy. Keep this guide by your side so that the next time tequila urges you to text your ex, you can instead tell yourself . . . but like maybe don't. This was a fun read. Keeps you laughing.

[locket · Rating 4 out of 5]

picked it up on a whim in kinokuniya and it was exactly what i needed :) it’s like a modern mini satc

the doodles and design scheme are so charming, i read it all in one go :D

definitely want to buy a copy for myself and my friends

not only was it something that i definitely needed but there were chapters that i know some of my friends would need to go over as well

I’d love to watch a tv adaptation of it (it’ll be like SATC + Lizzie Mcguire [where her doodles get to still be incorporated in the show] aimed at adults)

on a more personal tmi note: i unfortunately was not able to escape the name of my “was-been/could-have-been” that I’m trying to get over :,-) yes it’s a common name but to also appear in a western book by chance ??? SICK

[Niche · Rating 3 out of 5]

I initially thought this was an anthology of the author's comics/illustrations, but it's a lightly illustrated book discussing her history with insecurity, desperation, and un/healthy relationships in romance and coming to learn to love and value herself. I can't say I found it relatable or identifiable, but it was amusing in seeing some of the various tropes of the romance genre seen through the lens of nonfiction. Message-wise, I'd say it was a bit of a mixed bag, ultimately arguing self-love but also still seemed to be framing relationships in the sense of a leader and a follower, just giving priority to herself over her partner for a change.

[Sami Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been looking forward to this book for a really long time, and I can happily say that this book was everything I hoped it would be and a little bit more!

It was probably about a year ago that I discovered @butlikemaybe on instagram. Her comics and illustrations were honest, funny, and they also had just a little bit of "too much" truth to them that made them relatable. They reminded me so much of my single life that I looked back with nostalgia for a time gone by, and also really happy to have landed where I am now in life.

What I wasn't expecting about this book was for it to have so much narrative and the "self-help"ish vibe. I also wasn't sure if that was what I "signed up for", but I am glad that I did. Arianna's stories are so funny and so extreme, but they also have a lot of heart and touch on the idea that a lot of girls have been spoon-fed since a young age: Prince Charming© is out there, it's up to you to find him, and once you do, all of your problems will be solved. It's a sad, toxic narrative that can turn you desperate and sad with not just dating, but yourself as a person.

I don't date anymore (I'm in a monogamous marriage) and I don't party anymore (quit drinking alcohol) and this book is still really funny and wonderful and wholesome. I am very glad it is finally here, and I'm even more glad it lived up to my expectations.

[Dayanna Silva · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was so freaking funny in the most embarrassing way. The author is incredibly open about her dating history, sharing what she did so you don’t make the same mistakes. I finished it in just a few hours, and it’s absolutely hilarious. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend it. I’d read it again and again just for the laughs and the secondhand embarrassment. I love how open, real, and honest she is!

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

Though the art style might not be for everyone, this book was a pretty great self esteem boost. Margulis reflects on a number of relatable toxic behaviors often seen in the pursuit of romantic love. Anyone who's been on the giving or receiving end said actions would benefit from picking up this book on the importance of self love.

[Jennifer Sung · Rating 3 out of 5]

Impulse buy for the month! Arianna's comics on Instagram are hilarious, honest and sometimes* relatable. Its a guide of what not to do when you are dating in your twenties. The author gives very millennial Carrie Bradshaw vibes. The graphic novel format may not appeal to everyone but I enjoyed it. Took me 1 hour to flip through this one.

[Ashley Quinn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been psyched to read her published work, after loving her IG content. I appreciate how vulnerable and honest she is with sharing her “failures” in the tricky sport of dating in the 21st century. Her art makes it easy to laugh at pretty seriously painful experiences, and I wished for more pages to giggle knowingly over.

[Kay · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a fun, light read. Finished it in a night, goes by pretty fast. It's like reading morning after text from your best friend of all their male conquests. She's done some pretty crazy things haha. Art-wise personally was so-so for me compared to the other instagram artists I follow. But her stuff is still fun because of how consumable it is.

[keila ♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5/5

I bought this book very impulsively, who knew it would turn out to be a great read. The contents are very relatable for me, i found myself relating to every single thing which is super refreshing and relaxing to know that there are others in this world who acts the same way i do when it comes to love.