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I, Robot: How to Be a Footballer 2

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Published October 17, 2019

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Peter Crouch

14 books20 followers

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5 stars
490 (31%)
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668 (42%)
3 stars
348 (22%)
2 stars
59 (3%)
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7 (<1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 92 reviews
Profile Image for Gary.
3,012 reviews423 followers
June 11, 2020
This is the second book I have read by Peter Crouch and both have proved very enjoyable reads. I thought this one was even better than the first. Entertaining read full of snippets and humour and an enjoyable light read. I given it a 3 star rating but it's a very good read for any Football fan.

I listened to the audio edition while painting my garden fence and it made the chore of painting feel a lot better. The book didn't drag on like some biographies do and rather than telling you about his school days etc he relates humorous stories from his career.

If you are looking for hard hitting stories that other players players have released like Roy Keane and Tony Adams then you have the wrong book. This book will make you smile and entertain you throughout.
Profile Image for Simon Adams.
132 reviews2 followers
November 22, 2024
I love Crouchy. I find him funny, down to earth and quite self-deprecating. This book was all three if those in the main but I just found it less funny than both the first book and the podcast. I’m not sure whether I had too high expectations, or whether it’s just that I’d heard the best tales already through the podcast.
If you like Crouchy, this will always be a three star plus. If you’ve not heard the podcasts, then this may well get a deserved four or five stars.
Praise too for Tom Fordyce for accurately capturing Crouchy’s style and ensuring we can believe Peter is actually writing the book or talking to us through it.
A pretty quick and gentle read. Great for holidays etc. Easy to pick up. I do recommend it.
Profile Image for Scott Gardner.
774 reviews6 followers
December 13, 2019
Interesting book , not your usual run of the mill football book , some good interesting stories from a player who loved the game
Profile Image for Nick Brett.
1,058 reviews68 followers
April 13, 2020
The second book from Mr Crouch. It’s easy reading stuff and he has a light self depreciating style mixed in with a good sense of humour.
I really enjoyed the first book but this one isn’t quite as good or quite as amusing. It feels like the good stuff went into the first book and there wasn’t quite enough material for this one.
But still, he comes over as a nice guy and this is indeed very easy reading.
Profile Image for Ev.
69 reviews
January 29, 2021
Much like the first, funny and insightful, and you can hear Crouch saying what is on the page, a nice light read :)
Profile Image for Chris Barrett.
61 reviews1 follower
July 2, 2023
Reposted from CB Book Reviews on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/CoI0h-WM_...

As a keen listener to ‘That Peter Crouch Podcast’ since the start, and having read and enjoyed his first book ‘How to be a Footballer’ which I read in October/November, I asked for this book for Christmas, and made sure that it was the first book I read after finishing the one I was reading at the time; safe to say I was looking forward to it.

What I really enjoyed most about the first book was that from the start, Crouchie invited you the reader in to join him along his journey through tales of his footballing days, as if inviting you into his home for tea and cake. Sometimes naming and shaming, other times choosing not to reveal the names of those footballers and managers whom had been on the end of pranks, unfortunate incidents and made shocking decisions, Crouchie told some funny stories throughout his first book and brought the you the reader along with him to laugh at his peers. Having enjoyed the first one so much then, I expected much of the same, more funny stories more talking to the reader, more of the journey through the behind the scenes of professional football.

However, I found the second book to be a bit more stand-off-ish, less of the friend with the arm around the shoulder inviting you along on a journey, less naming and shaming, less of the outrageous stories. This book felt more informative, based on experiences and opinion, more of ‘facts’ of what life is like to be a footballer, the processes etc.

Whilst I still enjoyed this book, would recommend it and will be buying his latest book ‘How to be an Ex-Footballer’ I didn’t quite find it as enjoyable as the first.
Profile Image for Sindri Már.
2 reviews4 followers
July 1, 2020
alveg skemmtileg en glatað að lesa þessa eftir að lesa fyrri bókina því það er svo mikið af endurteknu efni myndi frekar bara lesa þessa
Profile Image for Simon Jones.
105 reviews
August 19, 2020
I read and thoroughly enjoyed the first 'How to Be a Footballer' book, but when I started this one, I expected to hear the scritchy-scratchy sound of a barrel being scraped. How wrong I was. This is a different book - but a better one - than the first part.

So what distinguishes the sequel from the original? For a start, those expecting LOLs and hi-jinks may be disappointed. The tone of this book is far more serious. In fact, in places, there's a sadness. The chapter entitled 'The Bench' is full of Peter Crouch's frustrations about the end of his career, when he was seen as a Plan B late-impact sub, a man to have footballs booted at his head in the chase for a scrambled 90th-minute equaliser. Similarly, 'Tackling' addresses the author's failing ability in this skill in the final years of his career. Equally, the last section, fittingly called 'The End', while not being bitter, sees Crouch state that he could've played in the Premier League and scored goals for one more season but was destined to be a benchwarmer at best, and so decided to quit.

It's not all doom and gloom, though. The author is as aware as ever of the ridiculous elements of the game, and his analysis of it - for example, in the 'Formations' chapter - is sharp and incisive. I rarely give five-star reviews to football autobiographies because they're generally enjoyable at best but generic. 'I Robot', however, breaks the mould. On a number of levels, it's a great read.
50 reviews1 follower
December 29, 2019
I enjoyed this . Very funny, a bit squalid and just the thing for when I wake up and worry about stuff. Not that it sent me back to sleep at all, but it made me laugh. I liked the self deprecation and clear sightedness Peter Crouch demonstrates as well as the inside stories. I also managed the answers to a Christmas quiz question or two with its help,
13 reviews
February 4, 2021
A perfect mixture of funny and informative, with a strange twist of nostalgic nature. The front cover is right in saying that Peter Crouch is a national treasure. He doesn't hold back, but shares every nuance of football, the good and the bad, and in doing so can inspire anyone of any age. This is truly a must read for any football fan.
Profile Image for James.
863 reviews15 followers
August 29, 2022
I did wonder how Crouch would get another book out of discussion of the modern game, and yet again it was surprisingly readable and had me wondering to what extent these were the words of Crouch, or those of Fordyce - not that it really matters.

The topics are mostly reworked topics from his podcast, although there are new details and it's less banter-y. However this does mean that I can barely recall what was in it, other than it being easy to read and the sort of book that was ideal when you didn't want something too taxing. It wasn't all just anecdotes, as there was a section on laying traps for teams that like playing out from the back that was genuinely insightful.

This is why I found myself pleasantly surprised with the podcast and book, there are the inside jokes and funny stories that make it entertaining but with the genuine article in Crouch who can reinforce or refute the layman's opinion. There was only one list chapter in this one too about the best own goals, which was the main negative of the first book.

It was an easy read and one that didn't have much new information if you'd listened to his podcast, but for killing time as a light read it did the job. It isn't an autobiography but rather a book about aspects of football, from a player who had a long career spanning the Championship to the Champions League and so is able to speak with authority on quite a bit of football. Plus a few bits of trivia that I expect is Fordyce's choice of subject.
206 reviews3 followers
June 7, 2020
Having read autobiographies before, where boredom quickly sets in as they laboriously describe everything minute detail of their childhood, I approached I, Robot with trepidation. I needn’t have worried - as the Prologue says, Peter Crouch does not always conform to the usual, and so his book doesn’t either. It’s full of stories about other players, managers and the game of football, but all mixed up together. Even without the benefit of an audio book, I could hear Peter’s voice in my head as I read his tales of other’s foibles and mishaps. At times it’s laugh out loud funny, at others just a snigger, but the whole book is told in an irreverent, honest style which makes it all the more enjoyable.

I loved the way each chapter was based on a diverse topic - managers, food, shirts, etc - and so travels back and forth through his life and career, watching Chelsea as a young boy, to playing for Liverpool and England, to his final days with Stoke. The lightness is maintained throughout, but his love for football, and gratitude for what he has been able to achieve, shines through every page.

An excellent read, and one that you won’t be able to put down. Full of laughs and fascinating insights into the secret world of professional football.
Profile Image for James.
203 reviews2 followers
December 4, 2020
Footballer, Peter Crouch (with the help of Tom Fordyce) wrote his original book during his final years in the game, and this follow-up was written after retirement. He is a tall, English centre forward who holds the record for the most headed Premier League goals. He wasn’t just good with his head though, and scored plenty with his feet including some ridiculous volleys.

Peter is humorous, and fans of his podcast will already know that. I was a big fan of him as a player, and you don’t see many players of his style, especially these days. It’s easy to read, and I found myself whizzing through it.

There are some references to his final Premier League season with Burnley, but he mainly talks about topics that didn’t make his initial book, but some topics are quite similar and even briefly mention things he has already covered. I can’t help thinking this is mainly chapters that weren’t considered good enough to make the first book, and is more of a cash-in due to the success of the original.

It’s not terrible though, just not to the high standard of the first. The book is a mix of his career progression, his opinions on the game, and funny stories during his career. So there’s good dressing room banter, insight into the mental side of the game, and football culture.
Profile Image for Don Jimmy.
781 reviews30 followers
May 15, 2020
I read How To Be A Footballer earlier this year (Review Here) and rated it quite highly, so I was excited to see this pop up as “available now” on my Borrow Box app. (For those who don’t know BorrowBox is an app Irish Libraries use to allow you to borrow audiobooks and eBooks on your phone or tablet).

The one thing I thought may have been missing when reading book one was Peter’s voice, so I decided with book two I wanted to get the audiobook version instead. It certainly added some depth to the story, and the fact that Peter himself is laughing along as he reads it just shows how much fun he must have had while writing the stories, and while reading them for the recording.

While Peter was still playing when he wrote How to Be A Footballer at the time of the release of I, Robot he had retired. I think that gave him a little bit of freedom while writing some sections of the book – but he still doesn’t exactly name names here. I’m left wondering who certain people are from his time at Stoke – but I doubt it would be very hard to find out.

Once again Peter had me laughing out loud throughout – which made for some funny faces while I listened to it on my trips to the supermarket or during my “allowable 2km walk” (yes, I listened to this during lockdown).

There are once again some stand out sections in this for me

Holidays – Pretty self-explanatory but watch out for the part where he rents a boat with Abby, it gets a little harrowing but the way Peter starts and finishes the story is brilliant
Shirts – What football fan doesn’t love a discussion on football shirts
Own Goals – This had me searching YouTube to see which ones are on there. Some truly fine specimens
Away Days – Nothing specific to point out here, I just loved this chapter
The End – A little less humour here as Peter discusses his decision to retire while still playing in his preferred position. Loved it and it rounds out the book perfectly.
I personally thought this was better than the first book overall, but looking at other reviews online I seem to be in the minority. Perhaps it was because I listened to this one on audio, so it may not be the same comparison. Either way, I thought this was brilliant, and I highly recommend it to any football fan.

Side note: I wonder how many people will buy this by accident instead of the classic sci-fi novel by Asimov (I still haven’t read this…. oops)? Only time will tell I guess…
Profile Image for Karen.
557 reviews4 followers
June 20, 2020
With what is going on in the world at the moment, I was in need of something a bit more light-hearted than what I usually read. I, Robot is the second book in a year from footballer Peter Crouch and if you were a fan of the first instalment, then you’re going to enjoy this one too.

If you’re looking for a serious autobiography, then you’re not going to find this here, but then, with Peter Crouch, I’m sure that’s not what you were expecting! What we have here is a collection of anecdotes from both his career as a Premier League footballer and from before this time, split into chapters with headings such as ‘Away Days’, ‘Referees’ and ‘Strikers’. While some sections are more successful than others, on the whole, this is a very readable book with plenty to keep you entertained.

As you would expect, in his writing, Peter Crouch comes across as a self-effacing character, honest about his career and team mates without ever being too shocking. Although he does give his opinion on many aspects of the game, it never veers from being a light-hearted take on the beautiful game.

If you're a football fan looking for a non-demanding, easy read, then this just might be the book for you.
Profile Image for Shaun Dyer.
Author 1 book2 followers
March 21, 2021
I Robot: How to Be a Footballer 2 is another hilarious look at a footballer's crazy life from someone who has been there and done it all. Crouch is effortlessly engaging and knows exactly how to spin a great yarn.

Like the first book, the chapters are split into themes like own goals and referees. This isn't your traditional autobiography; this jumps around in time and space to wherever the must fun stories are, and for that reason, it is a brilliant read. Fans of the podcast will recognise and enjoy the format. Some of the anecdotes may be recycled (I don't listen anymore, sorry, Peter!), but I still think podcast listeners would enjoy it.

There was a disappointing amount of Burnley in there, but to be fair, we weren't exactly the pinnacle of his career... Anyway, overall this is a fun, quick read that is worth reading just for the story about Micky Rourke alone.
97 reviews1 follower
May 8, 2021
I enjoyed the book, although not as much as the first one. It may be because, thanks to the first book, the famous That Peter Crouch Podcast has now become the soundtrack for my morning workouts, and surprisingly, despite the book having come out in 2019, a great deal of the podcast's 2021 content consists of stories that are told in the book (both of them, actually). So perhaps it was becoming a bit repetitive for me, which took away some of the excitement of learning about these stories for the first time. Still, a book I would recommend to football fans in general. Reading the first book is not mandatory, as both are anthological in nature.
Profile Image for Georgina.
444 reviews8 followers
April 7, 2023
This book was brilliant, it covered topics that you don't even think about as a fan like what's it like to travel to away games as a footballer or how a player feels when fans are singing about them?
I loved the insight into a footballer's world and how Peter Crouch truly seems to appreciate how lucky he is to be paid to do something he loves and that there are millions of people that would love to do the same. I think sometimes footballers need to be reminded of that.
Don't get me wrong, this book isn't all sunshine and roses, he talks about the tough times in football as well and those moments are very eye-opening.
A must read for any football fan.
Profile Image for Andrew Ives.
Author 8 books9 followers
December 6, 2024
Not quite an autobiography, but rather a collection of chapters with Crouchie's views on various aspects of football - agents, own goals, referees, holidays, injuries etc - illustrated with moments from his own career and other players' careers or famous matches. As one might expect, this isn't the highest-brow book you'll ever encounter, but it's easy-going, quite fun and written competently enough. I quite liked Crouchie in his heyday for Spurs, Liverpool, England and having read his side of the story, he's gone up a little in my estimations. If I see any of his other books around in charity shops, I'll be sure to get them. 3.75/5
Profile Image for David Mitchell.
69 reviews
August 14, 2025
I'm a Liverpool fan so jumped at the chance when a friend was passing this book on. I've not read his first one so was a little hesitant as usually like to read books on order. The chapters were broken down perfectly into excellent sub categories where Crouch tells us about coaches, formations, substitutes and the dressing room etc drawing on his own opinions, reflections and anecdotes from his illustrious career. It was funny in places but perhaps not as humourous as I'd expected as I listen to his podcasts and he is funny there. None the less an excellent read giving a much greater understanding into the life of a professional footballer.
103 reviews
May 14, 2020
This is Peter's second book, based on his popular podcasts, where he muses (sometimes amuses) about the pampered life of a Premiership footballer. Players generally turn up at airports without passports and just a wash bag, as everything is usually taken care of. I'm not sure he is a comedy genius, as suggested by the cover, but he does come up with some interesting gossipy observations, with each chapter following a topic. There are also some insights into how he felt as an awkward, gangly teenager who did not look like a conventional footballer, yet ended up achieving much.
Profile Image for Anne.
428 reviews2 followers
September 2, 2020
Rather than a usual biography this is Peter's tales of how to be a footballer, and what actually goes on.
I think this book didn't really come together as a whole as in part it's comedy but in others quite factual and a bit sad.
Some of it made me laugh, such as how footballers can't be trusted to pack anything (and yes that includes passport and pants).
The more serious bits about retirement and not fitting in I felt were skimmed over perhaps to try and keep the light tone.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
72 reviews
January 18, 2022
Surprisingly bad considering the first book and the average 4-star rating. There was no common thread within the chapters nor across the chapters. It might as well have been written in a single night if one could write quickly enough to capture all the random thoughts of Peter Crouch on the specific topics of the book. I would argue that there are no astounding pieces of information about footballers or the game which is weird considering that his career is finished so he could really give us some great insights at no cost. In conclusion, I was dissappointed.
Profile Image for Liam Turnbull.
8 reviews
May 16, 2022
Similar to his first one - Crouch seems to have cornered a lot of the ‘funny insights into the life of a footballer’ market through his books and podcasts and this follows in that vein. Light-hearted and self-depreciating humour which makes it easy to read - it’s unlikely that someone not into football would read it, but I imagine they’d get some enjoyment out of it at least. Some content overlap with the podcast but that’s fair enough. I’m sure he could write one more like this without it being overdone e.g. the transition into retirement, the bits of being a pundit we don’t see etc.
116 reviews1 follower
February 23, 2025
Peter Crouch's second book in the how to be a footballer series is very much like the first as in it isn't your average football autobiography. Instead, this is a book filled with brilliant stories from his wonderful career. These stories are mostly humorous but there are also some that are sad which I didnt really expect to find in this book This book is hilarious and was an easy read that I flew through. I really enjoyed reading this book and have written out a few quotes from it that I found particularly funny or interesting.
Profile Image for Tom Nicholls.
99 reviews1 follower
February 3, 2021
As a Spurs and England fan I was quite excited to read this as Crouch is remembered very fondly by both fanbases.

This is not your typical football book (as much as I like football books!). It's not a story of Crouch's life. Instead each chapter covers a theme like penalties, away matches, food. It's a really interesting look behind the curtain. Unusually for a football book there are some real laugh out loud moments, Crouch's personality really comes through.
Profile Image for Scott.
392 reviews1 follower
February 13, 2023
More entertaining insights from Crouchie about the self absorbed man child footballers everyone the world over wants to know about.
Loved the chapter about being on the bench and the different mentality of players when they come on. Always wondered how players sneaked around the country to away matches too, now I know.
Not as good as his first book but definitely an easy to pick up 'just one more chapter' read. I flew through it. Definitely worth a read for any football fan.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 92 reviews

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