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Narcissistic Fathers: How to Deal With a Toxic Father and Complex PTSD
If you are an adult child of a narcissistic father, this book is for you, and if you are not sure whether your abusive father is a pathological narcissist, you will find out.
If you read this book:
You will become aware of all the reasons why your childhood was so traumatic.You will learn how to deal with your narcissistic father without being his victim any longer.
You will find out all dysfunctional beliefs and habits that you developed during your childhood.
You will learn how to contrast Complex Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms.
The solution is not forgiving or forgetting, but understanding and working on your self-development, and finally taking back control of your life.
Even if you were born in the wrong place, growing up dealing with an abusive father, you can leave the past behind and build a better future. This book is a painful path of awareness, but it is also the first step of a journey toward a better life.
111 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 10, 2020
145 people are currently reading
338 people want to read
About the author
Caroline Foster
11 books23 followersI write books for people who are dealing with narcissists in various situations. I don’t write to display my knowledge or to brag about my credentials.
My books are simple and do not contain bibliographic references because victims of narcissistic abuse are not interested in academic works. They simply recognize the truth in what they read because they have experienced the topics of my books throughout their lives.
Dear survivor of narcissistic abuse, I genuinely care about you, and while healing isn't as simple as reading a book, I hope that my work will make a positive difference in your life. This is my ambition, and I wish you all the best.
Caroline Foster
My books are simple and do not contain bibliographic references because victims of narcissistic abuse are not interested in academic works. They simply recognize the truth in what they read because they have experienced the topics of my books throughout their lives.
Dear survivor of narcissistic abuse, I genuinely care about you, and while healing isn't as simple as reading a book, I hope that my work will make a positive difference in your life. This is my ambition, and I wish you all the best.
Caroline Foster
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
April 11, 2023
Ah, another book about my dad!
December 28, 2020
Rather drastic
I can see how people looking at books like this would
gravitate toward a book that claims to help and have all
the answers. Unfortunately this book was written by an arm chair psychologist. The best advice in this book is to seek the help of a professional. The conclusions drawn from the author’s hypothesis are drastic, dire and sometimes patently false. The author has a desire to help, that is clear, but many of the outcomes she predicts are laughable. For instance, she says something to the effect of “the forgotten child will be outside the school smoking”. It’s got enough psychological jargon to seem believable but there are much better resources out there. I recommend “stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist” and “the covert passive aggressive narcissist “
I can see how people looking at books like this would
gravitate toward a book that claims to help and have all
the answers. Unfortunately this book was written by an arm chair psychologist. The best advice in this book is to seek the help of a professional. The conclusions drawn from the author’s hypothesis are drastic, dire and sometimes patently false. The author has a desire to help, that is clear, but many of the outcomes she predicts are laughable. For instance, she says something to the effect of “the forgotten child will be outside the school smoking”. It’s got enough psychological jargon to seem believable but there are much better resources out there. I recommend “stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist” and “the covert passive aggressive narcissist “
January 9, 2026
One of my New Year’s resolutions this year is to use my voice more here. I’ve had this account for years and have always come here to explore books, leaning on reviews to guide what I read, but I’ve never written my own. This year, I’m making an effort to be more present, more engaged, and to actually share my thoughts rather than quietly absorbing everyone else’s.
By this point, I had already learned a lot of what was shared in this book—but not in a cumulative, organized way. I bought this book hoping it would do exactly what it did: provide a cohesive, well-structured overview of narcissistic dynamics and behaviors, particularly as they relate to fathers.
I also chose this book specifically because it focuses on fathers rather than partners. While I have lived through both in very long-term, aggressively debilitating ways, I know I am not the only one. As my therapist once mentioned—especially after learning the dynamics of my family—daughters often end up dating their fathers, or someone relatively close to them. We also tend to subconsciously attract what we already know, whether we like it or not (at least prior to therapy, healing, and becoming more intentional and mindful).
Then there’s the whole fixer mentality—because that’s what you had to do in your own home, and because you wish someone had helped you when you needed it. There are so many layers and complexities to all of this, and the domino effects can be far-reaching.
Overall, this book was really good and absolutely worth the read. There were a few things I think could have been tweaked, expanded on, or emphasized differently, but nothing that detracted from its overall value. One important thing worth noting—and something the author does acknowledge, especially if you read between the lines—is that there is no one-size-fits-all experience when it comes to narcissism.
There is a spectrum: narcissistic traits, narcissistic fathers, and narcissistic family systems all exist on varying levels, and the roles within those systems can differ significantly. For example, I was the only daughter in my family, yet my father made it very clear that he was not going to raise me as a daughter, but as a son—based on what he believed my abilities were and what he expected from me. Because of that, I actually fit into several of the categories and relational labels discussed in this book, particularly those that emerge when traditional gender roles are blurred or crossed within a narcissistic family dynamic. Those nuances matter.
What also stood out to me is how drastically things shifted once I began to recognize what was happening and started finding and using my voice. The dynamics changed—not because the system healed, but because I was no longer playing my assigned role in the same way. While the book doesn’t spell out every possible variation of this experience, I do think if you have enough knowledge upfront, the framework allows room for it, and that grey area felt both accurate and validating (even at the age I am today and what I’ve come to learn).
Most of what I’ve learned over the years has come through therapy, tools and readings recommended by my therapist, and the many rabbit holes I went down on my own. I’ve also read several books along the way—some focused on narcissistic partners, others touching on abuse dynamics more broadly. In my case, I ended up in a deeply damaging relationship with a narcissistic partner, influenced by what I knew and believed I deserved at the time. That relationship affected me emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually—really in every way—and I’ve spent years unpacking and healing from it.
What I appreciated about this book is that it carved out its own clear niche and focused specifically on narcissistic fathers and family systems, rather than scattering the information across multiple topics. It was refreshing to see so much relevant material brought together in one place.
I’m a big annotator, and I marked this book heavily. The following quotes aren’t the only ones that stood out to me, but they’re a few that stuck in my mind and may give others a sense of why this book is worth picking up:
✨ “When you seek to make something perfect, you end up destroying it.”
✨ “Don’t excuse the abuse… These are really challenging things to stand up against because you are dealing with a whole family who has been excusing and enabling abuse for generations… Being abused is never an excuse to abuse someone else.”
✨ “Forgiveness is not saying that it was okay. Forgiveness is not condoning that behavior… Sometimes we are afraid that if we forgive, it means we have to keep that person in our life… It can become a dysfunctional pattern of forgiveness… Forgiveness is like the lubrication that sets that stuff free.”
✨ “Train yourself to enter abstinence from the love and approval of your narcissistic father and toxic family members.”
There is a lot of good material in this book. Again, you do have to read between the lines at times, because narcissism and family dynamics live in a spectrum and a gray area—it isn’t always copy-and-paste or black-and-white. I don’t believe the author claims that it is, and from lived experience, that nuance is very real.
All of that said, even though I’ve been in therapy for over a decade due to those same family and relational dynamics, there are still things that continue to fall into place the more I read. Simply learning about narcissism doesn’t mean you suddenly have all the answers. Studying it for years doesn’t mean you fully understand everything either. That’s one of the reasons healing from narcissistic abuse can take so long.
Even now, there are things I read that I think I understand—until I come across another perspective or explanation that doesn’t just click, but truly locks into place.
I do wish I had found this book much earlier in life. I think I would have found it even more valuable reading it at a younger age. Still, I found it to be an insightful and worthwhile read in my 30s.
For anyone who is just beginning to understand the complexity and toxicity of a dysfunctional family dynamic—or whether you’re at the beginning, in the middle, or further along in your healing—this is an excellent resource.
By this point, I had already learned a lot of what was shared in this book—but not in a cumulative, organized way. I bought this book hoping it would do exactly what it did: provide a cohesive, well-structured overview of narcissistic dynamics and behaviors, particularly as they relate to fathers.
I also chose this book specifically because it focuses on fathers rather than partners. While I have lived through both in very long-term, aggressively debilitating ways, I know I am not the only one. As my therapist once mentioned—especially after learning the dynamics of my family—daughters often end up dating their fathers, or someone relatively close to them. We also tend to subconsciously attract what we already know, whether we like it or not (at least prior to therapy, healing, and becoming more intentional and mindful).
Then there’s the whole fixer mentality—because that’s what you had to do in your own home, and because you wish someone had helped you when you needed it. There are so many layers and complexities to all of this, and the domino effects can be far-reaching.
Overall, this book was really good and absolutely worth the read. There were a few things I think could have been tweaked, expanded on, or emphasized differently, but nothing that detracted from its overall value. One important thing worth noting—and something the author does acknowledge, especially if you read between the lines—is that there is no one-size-fits-all experience when it comes to narcissism.
There is a spectrum: narcissistic traits, narcissistic fathers, and narcissistic family systems all exist on varying levels, and the roles within those systems can differ significantly. For example, I was the only daughter in my family, yet my father made it very clear that he was not going to raise me as a daughter, but as a son—based on what he believed my abilities were and what he expected from me. Because of that, I actually fit into several of the categories and relational labels discussed in this book, particularly those that emerge when traditional gender roles are blurred or crossed within a narcissistic family dynamic. Those nuances matter.
What also stood out to me is how drastically things shifted once I began to recognize what was happening and started finding and using my voice. The dynamics changed—not because the system healed, but because I was no longer playing my assigned role in the same way. While the book doesn’t spell out every possible variation of this experience, I do think if you have enough knowledge upfront, the framework allows room for it, and that grey area felt both accurate and validating (even at the age I am today and what I’ve come to learn).
Most of what I’ve learned over the years has come through therapy, tools and readings recommended by my therapist, and the many rabbit holes I went down on my own. I’ve also read several books along the way—some focused on narcissistic partners, others touching on abuse dynamics more broadly. In my case, I ended up in a deeply damaging relationship with a narcissistic partner, influenced by what I knew and believed I deserved at the time. That relationship affected me emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually—really in every way—and I’ve spent years unpacking and healing from it.
What I appreciated about this book is that it carved out its own clear niche and focused specifically on narcissistic fathers and family systems, rather than scattering the information across multiple topics. It was refreshing to see so much relevant material brought together in one place.
I’m a big annotator, and I marked this book heavily. The following quotes aren’t the only ones that stood out to me, but they’re a few that stuck in my mind and may give others a sense of why this book is worth picking up:
✨ “When you seek to make something perfect, you end up destroying it.”
✨ “Don’t excuse the abuse… These are really challenging things to stand up against because you are dealing with a whole family who has been excusing and enabling abuse for generations… Being abused is never an excuse to abuse someone else.”
✨ “Forgiveness is not saying that it was okay. Forgiveness is not condoning that behavior… Sometimes we are afraid that if we forgive, it means we have to keep that person in our life… It can become a dysfunctional pattern of forgiveness… Forgiveness is like the lubrication that sets that stuff free.”
✨ “Train yourself to enter abstinence from the love and approval of your narcissistic father and toxic family members.”
There is a lot of good material in this book. Again, you do have to read between the lines at times, because narcissism and family dynamics live in a spectrum and a gray area—it isn’t always copy-and-paste or black-and-white. I don’t believe the author claims that it is, and from lived experience, that nuance is very real.
All of that said, even though I’ve been in therapy for over a decade due to those same family and relational dynamics, there are still things that continue to fall into place the more I read. Simply learning about narcissism doesn’t mean you suddenly have all the answers. Studying it for years doesn’t mean you fully understand everything either. That’s one of the reasons healing from narcissistic abuse can take so long.
Even now, there are things I read that I think I understand—until I come across another perspective or explanation that doesn’t just click, but truly locks into place.
I do wish I had found this book much earlier in life. I think I would have found it even more valuable reading it at a younger age. Still, I found it to be an insightful and worthwhile read in my 30s.
For anyone who is just beginning to understand the complexity and toxicity of a dysfunctional family dynamic—or whether you’re at the beginning, in the middle, or further along in your healing—this is an excellent resource.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 29, 2025
"The damage caused by narcissistic fathers is very deep."
I've read quite a few books on narcissists, but I think this is the first one specifically about fathers. At first I thought it was just going to be a basic book of things I already knew, but it wasn't. Foster brings up and points out things that I have experienced.
I found this book to be very validating on how much children of narcissistic fathers suffer. When your abuse is primarily emotional, it is sometimes hard to decipher.
I also appreciated Foster bringing up Complex PTSD. When I started my healing journey I stumbled through different resources and finally realized that I had all the symptoms of C-PTSD. This book just confirmed the things I had already discovered on my own but again, it was nice to get the validation.
Thank-you Caroline Foster!! I highly recommend this book for anyone who has a narcissistic parent, especially a father.
I've read quite a few books on narcissists, but I think this is the first one specifically about fathers. At first I thought it was just going to be a basic book of things I already knew, but it wasn't. Foster brings up and points out things that I have experienced.
I found this book to be very validating on how much children of narcissistic fathers suffer. When your abuse is primarily emotional, it is sometimes hard to decipher.
I also appreciated Foster bringing up Complex PTSD. When I started my healing journey I stumbled through different resources and finally realized that I had all the symptoms of C-PTSD. This book just confirmed the things I had already discovered on my own but again, it was nice to get the validation.
Thank-you Caroline Foster!! I highly recommend this book for anyone who has a narcissistic parent, especially a father.
May 14, 2021
Will open your eyes to things
I knew I was exposed to many negative aspects during my childhood, this book will help to open your eyes and give you positive options to grow.
I also never knew just how screwed up my ‘narcissistic’ made me. I pushed every emotion and bad experience so far down. Now I know I need extreme help.
Thank you for opening my eyes to where I can seek help and start healing!
I knew I was exposed to many negative aspects during my childhood, this book will help to open your eyes and give you positive options to grow.
I also never knew just how screwed up my ‘narcissistic’ made me. I pushed every emotion and bad experience so far down. Now I know I need extreme help.
Thank you for opening my eyes to where I can seek help and start healing!
March 11, 2022
The book is very validating but not very well-researched. For example, Caroline calls complex PTSD what for most people is more accurately developmental trauma. The book is not very in-depth and I would have appreciated more in some places (particularly about covert narcissism) but I suppose there are other resources for that.
July 21, 2022
When you growing up in a world where it feels like everything you do isn’t enough, it takes a physical toll on you. This book helps explain we why feel the way you do.
It was incredible helpful to know that I’m not alone in this and people have gotten out of this before. Healing is not an easy process but this book definitely helped see a path forward.
It was incredible helpful to know that I’m not alone in this and people have gotten out of this before. Healing is not an easy process but this book definitely helped see a path forward.
March 29, 2024
It is a copy-paste of the book: Narcissistic Mothers by the same author
I wish there was a pre-warning prior to purchasing this book, that the content will be 70% or more what is included in the book of Narcissistic Mothers. I read that book, it was great, but I was expecting more new thoughts in this one, that’s why I purchased it. I am disappointed.
I wish there was a pre-warning prior to purchasing this book, that the content will be 70% or more what is included in the book of Narcissistic Mothers. I read that book, it was great, but I was expecting more new thoughts in this one, that’s why I purchased it. I am disappointed.
August 13, 2020
Needs proof reading
The content was quite good but its so badly written that in places it was hard to grasp her meaning. Words missing, incorrect spelling and grammar. Could have been a lot better.
The content was quite good but its so badly written that in places it was hard to grasp her meaning. Words missing, incorrect spelling and grammar. Could have been a lot better.
July 2, 2023
By far the best book on this topic that I have found. It is very relatable and easy to read and understand. I would recommend this book to anyone who thinks they have been exposed to a narcissistic parent.
July 24, 2025
therapist recommended
I love my parents. Narcissist is used so loosely. I don’t think my parents are narcissists. I think habits have been built and no one knows any better. Will use tools to communicate for sure
I love my parents. Narcissist is used so loosely. I don’t think my parents are narcissists. I think habits have been built and no one knows any better. Will use tools to communicate for sure
April 27, 2020
Great book!
Great book, full of insights on the dynamic and injury of growing up with a narcissistic father, and great tools to heal from it.
Great book, full of insights on the dynamic and injury of growing up with a narcissistic father, and great tools to heal from it.
April 29, 2020
Very helpful
This book has a lot of truth in it, it’s a very helpful read. I wish it had more suggestions for healing but there were some very helpful insights for healing.
This book has a lot of truth in it, it’s a very helpful read. I wish it had more suggestions for healing but there were some very helpful insights for healing.
October 1, 2022
not exactly a fun book, but very helpful for me to understand some of my issues and good suggestions of how to deal with them. Easy to read for me.
October 3, 2022
practical and concise
packed with good info and strategies. also educates about causes. good place to start or to add to your knowledge
packed with good info and strategies. also educates about causes. good place to start or to add to your knowledge
February 18, 2023
Highly educational- especially for those in the field of psychotherapy or child development
February 24, 2023
Pain Revealed
It was scary reading this book, I could have sworn she followed me throughout my whole childhood documenting all my movements and past events. May healing begin!
It was scary reading this book, I could have sworn she followed me throughout my whole childhood documenting all my movements and past events. May healing begin!
May 28, 2023
Insightful
The social anxiety section near the end of the book was so intriguing. I learned a lot about myself through reading this.
The social anxiety section near the end of the book was so intriguing. I learned a lot about myself through reading this.
September 9, 2024
This book was great, I found a lot of great information from this and really enjoyed reading. However, with anything you need discernment. Not everything I read I agreed with and not everything I read was correct as information changes and things get updated in psychology constantly! Still a great insight and highly recommend if you have a narcissist father/parent!
February 4, 2025
Unfortunately I think I’m too healed for this to be useful. Will be passing on to my little sister tho
November 13, 2025
Pretty repetitive and spent too much time defining narcissism and not much time on how to deal with it in your life
December 29, 2025
No notes, super insightful
October 15, 2019
Very insightful
A very informative and insightful read for anyone dealing with Cptsd a lot of good thoughtful helpful useful information in easy to understand wording
A very informative and insightful read for anyone dealing with Cptsd a lot of good thoughtful helpful useful information in easy to understand wording
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews