This book is for anyone asking the question, “What is best for our kids?” and “What should I be doing now for my kids?” Diane Tavenner shows us how to democratize a first-class education - one where all kids are given a real opportunity to succeed in not only going to college or a journeyman-type trade school but also in leading a fulfilled life as an adult beyond college. I didn’t really understand how the ultimate success of some children is coming at the expense of others until I read this book, and it’s disturbing.
I sighed halfway through the book and asked Dinko (my husband), “Do you think you’ve fulfilled your potential?” as I’m wondering if I had - what if I had gone to Ms. Travenner’s school? I’m chuckling now as I remember his response. He smiled like he was on to me and ever so slowly said, “Nooooo.” We’re not one of those couples who knows what the other is thinking - feeling, yes - thinking, no. He knows I’m upset before I do, but do I know what he’s talking about when he asks “are your eggs good?” as he stands over my eggs cooking. No, no, I don’t. Yes, I think they’ll taste good? Or, yes, they’re probably done? Now I laugh and answer his everyday cool-kid ambiguity with “I don’t know, are my eggs good?”
Thankfully, the last portion is a blueprint for parents. Here’s a quick summary of the headlines: catch yourself when you need to be needed by your child; mentor, don’t direct; ask the right question; teach principles of consensus (enter the decision grid); ask why, then ask why again; use expose, explore, and pursue to decide how to spend family time (not all activities are created equal); reframe the college search; and encourage plan B thinking.
I started by including more life-skill-type tasks (like cooking, experimenting with salads, keeping in touch with extended family, and having friend-dates) to the boys’ weekly allowance requirement - and I try to hold Dinko and myself to the same standard. The possibilities of what I could incorporate from the ideas presented in this book are endless - the decision grid is the next thing I’d like to tackle. I plan to buy a hard copy as I see myself referencing several sections many times in the future.