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The 5 Love Languages
Building Love Together in Blended Families: The 5 Love Languages and Becoming Stepfamily Smart
Create a Loving and Safe Environment for Your Blended Family
Blended families face unique challenges, and sadly, good intentions aren’t always enough. With so many complex relationships involved, all the normal rules for family life change, even how you apply something as simple as the five love languages.
That’s why Gary Chapman, the bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages® andnational expert on stepfamilies, Ron Deal, join together in this book to teach you how the five love languages can help your blended family. They’ll teach you:
About the unique dynamics of stepfamilies
How to overcome fear and trust issues in marriage
How to develop healthy parenting and step-parenting practices
How the love languages should—and should not—be applied
You’re going to face many challenges, but with the right strategies and smart work, your family can be stronger and healthier together.
Blended families face unique challenges, and sadly, good intentions aren’t always enough. With so many complex relationships involved, all the normal rules for family life change, even how you apply something as simple as the five love languages.
That’s why Gary Chapman, the bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages® andnational expert on stepfamilies, Ron Deal, join together in this book to teach you how the five love languages can help your blended family. They’ll teach you:
About the unique dynamics of stepfamilies
How to overcome fear and trust issues in marriage
How to develop healthy parenting and step-parenting practices
How the love languages should—and should not—be applied
You’re going to face many challenges, but with the right strategies and smart work, your family can be stronger and healthier together.
192 pages, Paperback
First published February 4, 2020
295 people are currently reading
639 people want to read
About the author
Gary Chapman
582 books3,512 followersGary Demonte Chapman is an American author and radio talk show host. Chapman is most noted for his The Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews
March 3, 2020
I am a step parent of 3 now adult young men, a co-parent (with my ex) of one lovely young woman, and parenting a teenage son with my husband of 16 years. Oh...and one of those handsome stepsons of mine and his wife have blessed us with a grandbaby. So, I'm a step-grandma, too!
We are passionate about marriage and particularly marriages that create blended families. We have been leading a short term small group at our church since 2014 utilizing Ron Deal's The Smart Stepfamily materials. We love Ron's heart of redemption and grace! About the same time, if not a little sooner, we encountered Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages and literally recommend it to every couple we encounter!! The blending (pun intended) of these two dynamic teaching concepts into one book is an outstanding tool for anyone in a stepfamily or in a relationship that will lead to a stepfamily!
Learning how to express love to people who you haven't known their entire lives...when to lean in and when to back off a bit...how to show love to someone who is basically shutting you out...why it may be necessary to dial back your expectations a bit.
It's a fast read...even for slow readers like me, and it is full of real life examples of how things weren't working and ways you can redirect and get on better footing with your "steps." Getting married and have grown kids? There's an entire chapter dedicated to how to deal with adult stepkids who may not be too keen on this new marriage. Have a child who has married and is now a step-parent...making you a step grandparent? This book talks about that, too!
Seriously, do yourself a favor and get this book and a highlighter. You're going to be marking a LOT of new ways of thinking and approaching seemingly insurmountable situations!
We are passionate about marriage and particularly marriages that create blended families. We have been leading a short term small group at our church since 2014 utilizing Ron Deal's The Smart Stepfamily materials. We love Ron's heart of redemption and grace! About the same time, if not a little sooner, we encountered Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages and literally recommend it to every couple we encounter!! The blending (pun intended) of these two dynamic teaching concepts into one book is an outstanding tool for anyone in a stepfamily or in a relationship that will lead to a stepfamily!
Learning how to express love to people who you haven't known their entire lives...when to lean in and when to back off a bit...how to show love to someone who is basically shutting you out...why it may be necessary to dial back your expectations a bit.
It's a fast read...even for slow readers like me, and it is full of real life examples of how things weren't working and ways you can redirect and get on better footing with your "steps." Getting married and have grown kids? There's an entire chapter dedicated to how to deal with adult stepkids who may not be too keen on this new marriage. Have a child who has married and is now a step-parent...making you a step grandparent? This book talks about that, too!
Seriously, do yourself a favor and get this book and a highlighter. You're going to be marking a LOT of new ways of thinking and approaching seemingly insurmountable situations!
April 4, 2020
I really enjoyed this book. Highly recommend for anyone living in a blended family situation. In order for a stepfamily to have any chance of success, the blended family parents (my wife and I) must have a strong, loving marriage. Having grown up in a blended family with fulls, halfs and steps and now knee deep in stepchildren and grandchildren, the authors hit the nail on head with their examples, insights and advice on forming loving and accepting relationships all around. I will use this book as a resource for years to come as we navigate the treacherous waters of a blended family.
November 21, 2021
I believe I’ve read, enjoyed, and learned from all of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages books. These books stress effective ways to love important people in your life effectively in their language.
This version of the 5 love languages books carries a different approach. Its focus is on blended families, which offers completely different challenges than biological families. It effectively demonstrates how to discover the varying definitions of love each member may have, how to overcome pain, and build trust in the relationship.
Once another member’s love language is discovered, we can better appreciate and understand them, and ultimately make them feel secure and loved. What any blended family wants is to build a bond and unite in love. I love that the book covers being a step grandparent as well.
Building Love Together in Blended Families offers practical advice and is a powerful resource for blended families wanting to develop a better understanding and stronger bond with their new family members.
Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book. My review was not influenced.
This version of the 5 love languages books carries a different approach. Its focus is on blended families, which offers completely different challenges than biological families. It effectively demonstrates how to discover the varying definitions of love each member may have, how to overcome pain, and build trust in the relationship.
Once another member’s love language is discovered, we can better appreciate and understand them, and ultimately make them feel secure and loved. What any blended family wants is to build a bond and unite in love. I love that the book covers being a step grandparent as well.
Building Love Together in Blended Families offers practical advice and is a powerful resource for blended families wanting to develop a better understanding and stronger bond with their new family members.
Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book. My review was not influenced.
August 16, 2020
Really practical and useful for thinking about how to blend a marriage and a family!
May 26, 2024
I wish I would have read this book 10 years sooner, but better late than never.
June 7, 2020
Great information that you can apply. Being pushy on "God" was a complete turnoff.
February 8, 2023
If you are in a blended family, particularly in the early years, I 100% recommend this book.
It challenges you to see your partnership/marriage as the foundation of your new family and put that above the children. Not all parents in a new relationship will be ready to do that, but this book stresses that that relationship is where the children will draw strength, stability and love from and therefore must be a priority.
This book covers how relationships can change and can be built between:
- the two adults
- a parent and their own children
- an adult in a blended family and their step-children
- step-siblings and half-siblings
- step-grandparents and their relationship with their biological grandchildren and step-grandchildren
- step-grandparents and their step-son/daughter-in-law
- older couples who re-marry and their adult children and adult step-children
- (briefly) how an ex might affect your new family (alienation of the stepparent).
The main message for developing love in a stepfamily is to learn the children's love language and be patiently and persistently loving. Especially in the beginning or if faced with rejection, start with the least-invasive of the languages (eg words of affirmation before physical touch, even if physical touch is their primary language).
It also stresses the unique challenges a stepfamily may face that a biological family does not (particularly around trust) and makes the point that a stepfamily is like a meal in the slow-cooker, taking around 7 years to fully mesh together. You have to be in it for the long-haul if you want to see the benefits and love come to fruition.
It challenges you to see your partnership/marriage as the foundation of your new family and put that above the children. Not all parents in a new relationship will be ready to do that, but this book stresses that that relationship is where the children will draw strength, stability and love from and therefore must be a priority.
This book covers how relationships can change and can be built between:
- the two adults
- a parent and their own children
- an adult in a blended family and their step-children
- step-siblings and half-siblings
- step-grandparents and their relationship with their biological grandchildren and step-grandchildren
- step-grandparents and their step-son/daughter-in-law
- older couples who re-marry and their adult children and adult step-children
- (briefly) how an ex might affect your new family (alienation of the stepparent).
The main message for developing love in a stepfamily is to learn the children's love language and be patiently and persistently loving. Especially in the beginning or if faced with rejection, start with the least-invasive of the languages (eg words of affirmation before physical touch, even if physical touch is their primary language).
It also stresses the unique challenges a stepfamily may face that a biological family does not (particularly around trust) and makes the point that a stepfamily is like a meal in the slow-cooker, taking around 7 years to fully mesh together. You have to be in it for the long-haul if you want to see the benefits and love come to fruition.
March 5, 2020
If you are a part of or plan to be part of two families that have merged into one and now looking for ways to do it well or make it better you will love this book.
Written by two authors that have been working with families for more than 25 years and each contributing to making them better this is a wealth of wisdom.
It is also a fairly short and concise read that will help you get a focus on how to blend those families of any age together. There is a lot of food for thought if you are merging families with young children or adults. Maybe you are a grandparent and wondering how to be most helpful and looking for answers to the challenges you face.
One of the highlights of the book for me was that Chapman has created separate love langue questionnaires based on the relationships within the family.
Well worth the time to read and think about.
Written by two authors that have been working with families for more than 25 years and each contributing to making them better this is a wealth of wisdom.
It is also a fairly short and concise read that will help you get a focus on how to blend those families of any age together. There is a lot of food for thought if you are merging families with young children or adults. Maybe you are a grandparent and wondering how to be most helpful and looking for answers to the challenges you face.
One of the highlights of the book for me was that Chapman has created separate love langue questionnaires based on the relationships within the family.
Well worth the time to read and think about.
February 28, 2023
Much blended family literature and content encourages disengagement; doing less and caring less. It was nice to find a resource for those of us whose hearts are all in. There were lots of suggestions about how to be patient and use your energy effectively and plenty of validation that this thing really is uniquely challenging.
Personally didn’t find mentions of god helpful, but there wasn’t tons of that and was easy to look at those sentiments in a different context. Some parts felt vastly oversimplified as well, but it’s a short book with good broad strokes. I enjoyed the examples given and would have loved a chunky chapter at the end made up of people telling their blending stories.
Personally didn’t find mentions of god helpful, but there wasn’t tons of that and was easy to look at those sentiments in a different context. Some parts felt vastly oversimplified as well, but it’s a short book with good broad strokes. I enjoyed the examples given and would have loved a chunky chapter at the end made up of people telling their blending stories.
August 16, 2024
If semi christian advice for becoming a stepparent is your cup of tea than go for it. You’ll get a lot of references to couples who attended mass every now and then. The book is quite repetitive but if you take away one good message is: understand that your step kids will have loyalty conflicts when acting with you, this will make them act out, and try to find ways to diffuse the issue (possibly via some of the love languages, or, just by ignoring the bad and reinforcing the good). On the worse side: I personally don’t think buying kids with gifts is a good idea, and i was surprised the authors didn’t point this out. Anyway there’s that.
October 14, 2025
I definitely enjoyed the start of this book more than the end. Perhaps it was because the later chapters deal with situations that are not relevant to me (yet), e.g. dealing with siblings, grandparents, and rejection. Some of the advice seemed also quite common sense and repetitive, in my opinion. A re-read at a later time might change my mind though.
It was also my first time encountering the 5 love languages for teens, and I'm not fully convinced it can be applied to them, as teens are still figuring out what they like/want for themselves, and all 5 love languages will need to be expressed to them quite consistently.
It was also my first time encountering the 5 love languages for teens, and I'm not fully convinced it can be applied to them, as teens are still figuring out what they like/want for themselves, and all 5 love languages will need to be expressed to them quite consistently.
July 18, 2022
Love Languages in Stepfamilies
This was the perfect book to read after reading Ron L Deal’s book, the Smart Stepfamily. I recommend reading that as well as the 5 love languages before this one, but it still makes sense if you don’t. The insights and advice here was humbling. I realized I have so much more work to do on myself to get to a point where I can consistently show love, even to those who are not as receptive. It certainly helps me appreciate even more how difficult divorce can be for so many families.
This was the perfect book to read after reading Ron L Deal’s book, the Smart Stepfamily. I recommend reading that as well as the 5 love languages before this one, but it still makes sense if you don’t. The insights and advice here was humbling. I realized I have so much more work to do on myself to get to a point where I can consistently show love, even to those who are not as receptive. It certainly helps me appreciate even more how difficult divorce can be for so many families.
February 3, 2024
This book was pretty good. It does a nice job of describing how to apply the five love languages to your stepchildren to help integrate them into a loving and successful blended family. They spend a proportional amount of time discussing small children, teenagers, adult children, and stepgrandchildren. It’s very much an overview, and obviously if a family is having a specific problem with a specific age group, you will need either a more specific book or to speak to a licensed therapist or counselor.
September 19, 2025
I definitely felt seen while reading this book. Funny enough, I actually didn’t realize it was centered around the 5 love languages until I started reading it. The authors had a lot of good insights to share as far as the stages of showing love to your stepchildren, as well as the different preferences within a single love language that should be considered when trying to help a stepchild feel loved, valued, and respected. I hope to implement some of their suggestions to build a stronger bond with my stepson.
March 29, 2021
This is a must-read book for blended families. It incorporates The 5 Love Languages into the culture of the book. In my opinion, The 5 Love Languages is life-changing in a simple yet profound way. It isn't just for marriages; the languages of love and all its various dialects are vital for every relationship. I especially appreciate how the languages of love can be learned towards children and teens to help them blossom and mature.
February 10, 2024
This is my third 5 love languages book, I never ever think I NEED to read them until I do. Then I see life entirely different and it changes my life. Reading this book and knowing specific things that make it nearly impossible to connect with step families just validated me so clearly.
Ah, allllllllll step families, even adult stepchildren need this one. Even if you eat the meat and spit out the bones.
Ah, allllllllll step families, even adult stepchildren need this one. Even if you eat the meat and spit out the bones.
February 27, 2020
It is an interesting topic which is why I had picked it up. The book itself was informative though there were moments where I had to gloss over as they were not related to my situation or my lifestyle. There were some instances, though they were few, where it felt like you were encouraged to purchase the other books in the series.
November 20, 2022
I wish I had this book back when my parents divorced and my dad remarried 25-years ago. This was very helpful. We stumbled through the experience badly and it severed some relationships. As I embark on my own single life with kids, I’m glad to have this resource to help support my relationships and my children’s journey.
October 24, 2025
I like that this book really highlighted loving others as you are called to love in Christ. There is a lot of loving pursuing, thinking of others, and patience as guidelines. I’ve been in a blended family for several years and it helped me to see and think of things I haven’t before. Excited to do the love language surveys with my fam!
June 29, 2020
Such a great resource for anyone in a blended or step family relationship! I appreciated the practical advice given on how to better build those relationships. Will definitely be referring back to this one over and over.
August 12, 2020
Wonderful read
Easy to read and apply the messages. By the end it got a bit repetitive but still great points were made. So many viewpoints to consider and it was honestly she opening and encouraging to read.
Easy to read and apply the messages. By the end it got a bit repetitive but still great points were made. So many viewpoints to consider and it was honestly she opening and encouraging to read.
November 6, 2020
It's okay.
Easy and quick to read, necessarily over simplified for what it is, and overly religious without needing to be. (Including a complete absence of anything other than blended families involving heterosexual re-marriage). Much better books out there, but worse ones to!
Easy and quick to read, necessarily over simplified for what it is, and overly religious without needing to be. (Including a complete absence of anything other than blended families involving heterosexual re-marriage). Much better books out there, but worse ones to!
December 8, 2021
I've read books from both of these authors separately, so this didn't really offer me any new insights or any groundbreaking information. This is also not particularly inclusive or broad in scope, it seems to be written for white divorced people with several children and that's about it.
November 10, 2022
Really helpful
This was a great book. Gives a lot of insight on why there might be struggles, and very helpful ways to start to create a foundation to build relationships within a blended family.
This was a great book. Gives a lot of insight on why there might be struggles, and very helpful ways to start to create a foundation to build relationships within a blended family.
December 12, 2024
On the verge of blending families, this book gave me both a reality check and a tremendous amount of hope. My partner is going to read it too. 100% recommend. Short easy read. I listened to the audiobook but with probably purchase hard copy to highlight.
December 31, 2020
Great book for blended families to understand how to apply the appropriate love languages.
April 24, 2021
Good book for those familiar with Chapman and Deal’s work separately will appreciate how they’ve teamed up to make Chapman’s 5 Love Languages applicable for blended families.
March 18, 2022
This is a really good book and highly recommended to family therapists and blended families.
September 27, 2022
Great advice on using love languages to understand how families blend and to improve communication. It would have been a better book without the overt religious tones.
October 1, 2022
🎧 4.5 rounded up. Some religious undertones that weren't relevant to me but otherwise really good, helpful information.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews