Talk to Me: What educators (and others) can learn about de-escalation from hostage negotiators

by Emma Van Der Klift

Student disruption at school can take up an enormous amount of time, energy, and even financial resources. Confrontations can result not only in personal stress for both students and teachers, but in conflicts that involve families and the larger community. However, it's not always easy to know what to do or how to respond.In this original and highly engaging book, Emma Van der Klift suggests that "cross-pollination" - applying the lenses of one field to the issues faced by another - can generate unexpected insights and open new ways to think and act. Based on a year's worth of fascinating interviews with hostage negotiators from all over North America, this book shows how crisis negotiators de-escalate distraught individuals through communication. Instead of relying on either punishment, reward or directives – something commonly done in education – hostage negotiators rely on listening and support and are successful in resolving more than 90 percent of the issues they are called upon to negotiate without loss of life, injury, or the use of coercion. This book offers a wealth of suggestions and advice from negotiators, and is not only about how we can help someone to de-escalate when they are in crisis, but also, and perhaps most importantly, about how we can learn to effectively de-escalate ourselves during difficult interchanges.

298 pages, Paperback

Published August 8, 2019

Reviews

[Adele · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is excellent and I would highly recommend it to teachers and anyone working with the community on a daily basis.
It made me question a lot of the practices that I grew up with and continued to follow that never sat comfortably with me. Many of which continue to be used in schools everyday without thought. The push for more meaningful interactions is needed now more than ever.
I also found it very readable - it is filled with good anecdotes and also, most importantly, backs everything up with useful strategies and examples.

[Rachel Cohen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a much needed reminder as an educator to lead with empathy and without judgment. Will return to after difficult days in the classroom and suggest to friends.