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5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter
From the cradle to college, tell your daughters the truth about life before they believe the culture’s lies.
For mothers with girls newborn to eighteen, Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter is simply a must-have book. Youth culture commentator Vicki Courtney helps moms pinpoint and prepare the discussions that should be ongoing in their daughters' formative years.
To fully address the dynamic social and spiritual issues and influencers at hand, several chapters are written for each of the conversations, which are:
1. You are more than the sum of your parts
2. Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up
3. Sex is great and worth the wait
4. It’s OK to dream about marriage and motherhood
5. Girls gone wild are a dime a dozen—dare to be virtuous
The book is linked to online bonus features offering invaluable tips on having these conversations across the various stages of development: five and under, six to eleven, twelve and up.
For mothers with girls newborn to eighteen, Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter is simply a must-have book. Youth culture commentator Vicki Courtney helps moms pinpoint and prepare the discussions that should be ongoing in their daughters' formative years.
To fully address the dynamic social and spiritual issues and influencers at hand, several chapters are written for each of the conversations, which are:
1. You are more than the sum of your parts
2. Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up
3. Sex is great and worth the wait
4. It’s OK to dream about marriage and motherhood
5. Girls gone wild are a dime a dozen—dare to be virtuous
The book is linked to online bonus features offering invaluable tips on having these conversations across the various stages of development: five and under, six to eleven, twelve and up.
288 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2008
170 people are currently reading
1315 people want to read
About the author
Vicki Courtney
43 books52 followersVicki Courtney is the best-selling author of numerous books for women, tweens, and teen girls including, Motherhood Is Not Your Highest Calling, Rest Assured, Move On, 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter, 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Son, and Between Us. She is the recipient of a Mom's Choice award and two ECPA Christian Book Awards. She and her husband, Keith reside in the Texas hill country and are the proud parents of three grown children and grandparents to ten grandchildren.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 106 reviews
July 24, 2010
I didn't realize this was written by some evangelical lady but the first couple of chapters were good. Let me save you the time of reading it and summarize the main points I got out of it:
1) Fashion magazines are like drugs or alcohol for your daughter's self-image
2) Be flexible on some rules but not on having your daughter dress immodestly
3) Don't let your daughter date unless in a large group until late high school
4) Encourage your daughter to be healthy, not skinny
5) Help your daughter see that she is more than just the sum of her parts--but also remember to tell her she is beautiful
These were all points that are kind of obvious, but it was a great reminder.
1) Fashion magazines are like drugs or alcohol for your daughter's self-image
2) Be flexible on some rules but not on having your daughter dress immodestly
3) Don't let your daughter date unless in a large group until late high school
4) Encourage your daughter to be healthy, not skinny
5) Help your daughter see that she is more than just the sum of her parts--but also remember to tell her she is beautiful
These were all points that are kind of obvious, but it was a great reminder.
October 2, 2015
The title should be Five CHRISTIAN Conversations You Must Have with Your Good CHRISTIAN Daughter.
Warning: If you are a "Godly" person and you can handle being constantly assaulted with all the talk about God, bible verses, modesty, purity and you are a total prude with a need to control every move your child makes - you will probably like this. I would venture to assume that if your daughter has the ability to think for herself, she won't tolerate this kind control over her life once she hits her teen years. Especially if you are growing up in California's Silicon Valley around the year 2015.
I'm really frustrated at all the bible verse quotes and she must reference the word "Christian" at least 2 or 3 times per page. I didn't realize she ministered to christian teens for many years. That simple fact would have made me pass on this book.
Maintaining a girls PURITY is high on her list.
Disclaimer: The word purity PISSES ME OFF!!!
This word serves to tell the female population that sex without marriage is dirty and you should be shamed if you make such a horrendous decision. While the male population does not suffer the same consequences, they get a pass, almost saying males can't help it while denying the existence of female sexuality and desire.
She is also hypocritical when it comes to what she expects the boys to do in order to "date" her daughter. However, on the flip side - she calls her son at college and he is unaware of these "rules". For me, it's the Christian religion wrapped up in a very simple little box. We expect our girls to jump through all these hoops, to feel demeaned and ashamed by their own sexuality and are basically told if you can't control your sexuality - you are a whore, you are weak and you are a disappointment to God. While boys don't have any of this pressure, they walk away without all the damaging ideas of what sex is. It's BULLSHIT. When 2 mature adults want to explore their God given bodies, it shouldn't have
I gave it 2 stars because she made some good points.
Warning: If you are a "Godly" person and you can handle being constantly assaulted with all the talk about God, bible verses, modesty, purity and you are a total prude with a need to control every move your child makes - you will probably like this. I would venture to assume that if your daughter has the ability to think for herself, she won't tolerate this kind control over her life once she hits her teen years. Especially if you are growing up in California's Silicon Valley around the year 2015.
I'm really frustrated at all the bible verse quotes and she must reference the word "Christian" at least 2 or 3 times per page. I didn't realize she ministered to christian teens for many years. That simple fact would have made me pass on this book.
Maintaining a girls PURITY is high on her list.
Disclaimer: The word purity PISSES ME OFF!!!
This word serves to tell the female population that sex without marriage is dirty and you should be shamed if you make such a horrendous decision. While the male population does not suffer the same consequences, they get a pass, almost saying males can't help it while denying the existence of female sexuality and desire.
She is also hypocritical when it comes to what she expects the boys to do in order to "date" her daughter. However, on the flip side - she calls her son at college and he is unaware of these "rules". For me, it's the Christian religion wrapped up in a very simple little box. We expect our girls to jump through all these hoops, to feel demeaned and ashamed by their own sexuality and are basically told if you can't control your sexuality - you are a whore, you are weak and you are a disappointment to God. While boys don't have any of this pressure, they walk away without all the damaging ideas of what sex is. It's BULLSHIT. When 2 mature adults want to explore their God given bodies, it shouldn't have
I gave it 2 stars because she made some good points.
June 29, 2014
I appreciate that these are important conversations that Christian mothers should have with their daughters, but I'm a little sad that the need for a book like this is so great. Having taught high school for a dozen years, I'm aware that even in loving Evangelical homes, girls are not being adequately prepared for the emotional mangler that awaits many of them them when they grow up. I'd add a sixth conversation to this list, though, since in her chapter on preparing a daughter for potential marriage, singleness is treated as an okay thing that happens before marriage rather than a potential godly alternative for glorifying the Lord. Other than one sentence reading something like "and not all girls get married, of course," this option is never explored. A shame, since many girls are taught to value romantic relationships almost above all else and often suffer a genuine crisis if marriage doesn't happen for them. (Full disclosure: I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and happily content thanks to the grace of God and parents who helped me to root my self-identity firmly in Christ.)
August 23, 2014
This could have been written in five sentences.
May 26, 2012
Five Conversations is full of sensible, biblical advice backed up by extensive social and medical research, and relevant quotes from the Bible. The author also reassures us that “God is more than enough to make up for my parenting insufficiencies along the way”. She makes it clear that the five conversations referred to in the title are not one-off conversations, but ongoing life lessons, to be modelled and reinforced at any available ‘teachable moment’. The five conversations are:
1 You Are More Than the Sum of Your Parts
2 Don’t Be in Such a Hurry to Grow Up
3 Sex Is Great and Worth the Wait
4 It’s OK to Dream about Marriage and Motherhood!
5 Girls Gone Wild Are a Dime a Dozen—Dare to Be Virtuous
Courtney comments that “when girls in the nineteenth century thought about ways to improve themselves, they almost always focused on their internal character and how it was reflected in outward behavior”, whereas the modern focus is on physical attractiveness and (often) sexuality. “I wish she would grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she’ll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age.” (a description of Susan, quoted from The Last Battle by CS Lewis). How true this can be!
As is typical with any book of this type, some of the information I knew already (“many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have less satisfying marriages and a considerably higher chance of eventually breaking up”), some I really don’t want to know (apparently, thong underwear can be linked to recurrent urinary tract and vaginal infections. Thanks for sharing!), and there were also some great one-liners (“a decision to pierce or mark her body needs to wait until she is out of college and off our payroll”, “if you’re not worth dating, he’s not worth kissing” or “should any of my three children opt to live together outside of marriage and then decide to marry for real, this momma won’t be paying a dime toward wedding expenses”). I like this woman.
And I like this book. Part of me thinks I should now buy and read the companion volume, Five Conversations You Must Have With Your Son, while part of me will be happy to continue to bury my head in the sand. And I know that will a 12-year-old daughter, there are only so many opportunities to share this kind of information in a non-threatening way, so I need make the most of them. Recommended for mothers with daughters aged 10-18.
Thanks to B&H Publishing and NetGalley for providing a free ebook for review.
This review also appears on my blog, www.christianreads.blogspot.com.
1 You Are More Than the Sum of Your Parts
2 Don’t Be in Such a Hurry to Grow Up
3 Sex Is Great and Worth the Wait
4 It’s OK to Dream about Marriage and Motherhood!
5 Girls Gone Wild Are a Dime a Dozen—Dare to Be Virtuous
Courtney comments that “when girls in the nineteenth century thought about ways to improve themselves, they almost always focused on their internal character and how it was reflected in outward behavior”, whereas the modern focus is on physical attractiveness and (often) sexuality. “I wish she would grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she’ll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age.” (a description of Susan, quoted from The Last Battle by CS Lewis). How true this can be!
As is typical with any book of this type, some of the information I knew already (“many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have less satisfying marriages and a considerably higher chance of eventually breaking up”), some I really don’t want to know (apparently, thong underwear can be linked to recurrent urinary tract and vaginal infections. Thanks for sharing!), and there were also some great one-liners (“a decision to pierce or mark her body needs to wait until she is out of college and off our payroll”, “if you’re not worth dating, he’s not worth kissing” or “should any of my three children opt to live together outside of marriage and then decide to marry for real, this momma won’t be paying a dime toward wedding expenses”). I like this woman.
And I like this book. Part of me thinks I should now buy and read the companion volume, Five Conversations You Must Have With Your Son, while part of me will be happy to continue to bury my head in the sand. And I know that will a 12-year-old daughter, there are only so many opportunities to share this kind of information in a non-threatening way, so I need make the most of them. Recommended for mothers with daughters aged 10-18.
Thanks to B&H Publishing and NetGalley for providing a free ebook for review.
This review also appears on my blog, www.christianreads.blogspot.com.
July 20, 2012
Vicki Courtney has a lot of helpful and important things to say about the subjects she covers in this book and it is very clear that she is a mom who is engaged with the reality of the modern world.
In short the five conversations involve:
1. You are more than the sum of your parts.
2. Don't be in such a hurry to grow up.
3. Sex is great and worth the wait.
4. It's OK to dream about marriage and motherhood.
5. Girls gone wild are a dime a dozen-dare to virtuous.
Each section contains an overview of everything in that particular area young girls are fed by popular culture and then moves into strategies and ways you as a mom can help them see things differently. I particularly liked that Courtney was not advocating removing them from the world, locking them up, and throwing away the key. Nor was she insisting that girls would be better off by pretending they live in Little House on the Prairie.(Those days are gone folks. No bringing them back. Thank God.) These are all conversations I had started with my daughter prior to reading the book, but I found the information and strategies for conversations as she gets older to be incredibly helpful.
My husband is actually interested in reading it now that I'm done. He had seen it on our bed, flipped through it, and said he felt fathers should be having these conversations too and he wanted to see what she had to say.
In short the five conversations involve:
1. You are more than the sum of your parts.
2. Don't be in such a hurry to grow up.
3. Sex is great and worth the wait.
4. It's OK to dream about marriage and motherhood.
5. Girls gone wild are a dime a dozen-dare to virtuous.
Each section contains an overview of everything in that particular area young girls are fed by popular culture and then moves into strategies and ways you as a mom can help them see things differently. I particularly liked that Courtney was not advocating removing them from the world, locking them up, and throwing away the key. Nor was she insisting that girls would be better off by pretending they live in Little House on the Prairie.(Those days are gone folks. No bringing them back. Thank God.) These are all conversations I had started with my daughter prior to reading the book, but I found the information and strategies for conversations as she gets older to be incredibly helpful.
My husband is actually interested in reading it now that I'm done. He had seen it on our bed, flipped through it, and said he felt fathers should be having these conversations too and he wanted to see what she had to say.
April 26, 2013
Are you a mother? Grandmother? Aunt? Father? Teacher? Coach?
Then I’d suggest you read this book. As everyone knows, girls are absolutely different than anything you’ve ever dealt with — even if you were one yourself. Because of the culture that we have today there is a very slim margin for error in handling situations or even conversations with girls and young ladies.
Take some time to learn the facts and some great insight into the lives and hearts of our next generation.
Hott Review:
A while back I reviewed Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Son. It was a great book but not nearly as scary as this one. Maybe it’s because the conversations we’re to have with are sons aren’t as heartbreaking, I don’t know, but this book really shook me.
I don’t think I made it through a page of this book without highlighting something and sharing it on facebook. I don’t know why things are so much worse than they were when I was a teen/preteen but I know that they are. Even in private schools with ‘good Christian kids’ not everyone has the same morals, standards, or even feelings about what constitutes right and wrong.
I’ll be purchasing a physical copy of this book to loan out to my friends and using my digital copy as a daily resource and reminder. I also think that reading through some of these stats at prayer time would be great guidance.
Then I’d suggest you read this book. As everyone knows, girls are absolutely different than anything you’ve ever dealt with — even if you were one yourself. Because of the culture that we have today there is a very slim margin for error in handling situations or even conversations with girls and young ladies.
Take some time to learn the facts and some great insight into the lives and hearts of our next generation.
Hott Review:
A while back I reviewed Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Son. It was a great book but not nearly as scary as this one. Maybe it’s because the conversations we’re to have with are sons aren’t as heartbreaking, I don’t know, but this book really shook me.
I don’t think I made it through a page of this book without highlighting something and sharing it on facebook. I don’t know why things are so much worse than they were when I was a teen/preteen but I know that they are. Even in private schools with ‘good Christian kids’ not everyone has the same morals, standards, or even feelings about what constitutes right and wrong.
I’ll be purchasing a physical copy of this book to loan out to my friends and using my digital copy as a daily resource and reminder. I also think that reading through some of these stats at prayer time would be great guidance.
September 21, 2018
This book is about discussions a mom should have with their daughters as they grow and mature into adulthood. I wanted to read this book because I have two daughters of my own. My oldest daughter is seven years old and a girly girl. She already is caring on how she dresses and if anyone is going to like her. For me that is the total opposite of how I was growing up. I hung out with boys more then girls because I didn't like the girl drama. So I need so much help to help her navigate the world as she grows up. So I started to read "5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter" by Vicki Courtney. I really enjoyed how each chapter was a different conversation to have with your child and how it had a Christian base to it. But, I felt like it didn't have enough examples of conversations that you should have. I felt like it lack a lot in examples and that the book just felt like one big lecture and judgement to a parent. I wanted stories of how to approach your child and how to word things. I didn't feel that at all. So for me it was a let down. Sigh...I really did want to like it.
September 7, 2012
This book held some solid advice on raising our girls in todays world. I think there is something to be said for teaching our girls to be virtuous.. To let them know that they are beautifully made and are uniquely designed creations of God. I got to spend a couple of months with some other wonderful women using this book as our focus of study and it truly opened our eyes to the level of which our own parenting influence is needed (even more than when they were just babies) as our girls grow into young women...
September 4, 2024
Good in concept, but some of it felt a little dated, in the past and some to take with a grain a salt. Five good concepts but still more opinion based from her position and I don’t think it’s a one size fits all and everyone is different. Would have appreciate some conversation starters.
December 23, 2009
Vicki Courtney has written a wonderful resource for mothers. 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter is full of encouraging advice about how to approach the tough topics with your daughter at each stage of her growing up years. She not only shares her advice, but her experiences - both good and bad, and information from a lot research that helps you understand the battle we are facing as women.
While I personally do not agree with absolutely everything Vicki wrote (mostly technique or a particular approach) I would still highly recommend this book for any mom to read no matter how old your daughter is. I have always anticipated having these conversations with my daughters because I want to be the one to share with them rather then let them fall into the world's false beliefs.
I noticed that at times Vicki seemed to be ultra careful in one area and then more "liberal" in another compared to what I would be. When reading/listening to this book I highly suggest you think about the information given and prayerfully make changes in your family in agreement with your husband. I think you will find a lot of helpful information and ideas to aid you in being a better mother to your daughter(s).
The one and only negative I have on this book is that I really did not like the way that it was read on the audio version. However, it was not bad enough to cause me to stop listening. The one caution I have is to make sure you listen to it out of the hearing range of any children of any age. This is most definitely a book for mothers only.
While I personally do not agree with absolutely everything Vicki wrote (mostly technique or a particular approach) I would still highly recommend this book for any mom to read no matter how old your daughter is. I have always anticipated having these conversations with my daughters because I want to be the one to share with them rather then let them fall into the world's false beliefs.
I noticed that at times Vicki seemed to be ultra careful in one area and then more "liberal" in another compared to what I would be. When reading/listening to this book I highly suggest you think about the information given and prayerfully make changes in your family in agreement with your husband. I think you will find a lot of helpful information and ideas to aid you in being a better mother to your daughter(s).
The one and only negative I have on this book is that I really did not like the way that it was read on the audio version. However, it was not bad enough to cause me to stop listening. The one caution I have is to make sure you listen to it out of the hearing range of any children of any age. This is most definitely a book for mothers only.
did-not-finish
March 4, 2014This book was received from the publisher for review via Netgalley.
As the mom of three daughters, this seemed like the perfect book for me, and I really liked the description. However, the execution just didn’t work for me.
I got to 40% before I just couldn’t read anymore. The overall idea of 5 Conversations was pretty good, but reading it just frustrated me. I found the chapters and explanations to be repetitive. Also, I’m not hugely religious, so the huge focus on God, Christian friends, Christian girls, etc, didn’t apply to me. However, what ultimately made me stop reading was that I just didn’t agree with some of the author’s viewpoints. At times, her tone and remarks just came across as judgmental and condescending, and I could no longer deal with it.
If you’re a Christian mother to daughters, 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter may appeal to you, so I’m not going to tell you to avoid it. However, it just wasn’t the book for me.
This review is also posted on my blog: http://mommysreadingbreak.wordpress.c...
As the mom of three daughters, this seemed like the perfect book for me, and I really liked the description. However, the execution just didn’t work for me.
I got to 40% before I just couldn’t read anymore. The overall idea of 5 Conversations was pretty good, but reading it just frustrated me. I found the chapters and explanations to be repetitive. Also, I’m not hugely religious, so the huge focus on God, Christian friends, Christian girls, etc, didn’t apply to me. However, what ultimately made me stop reading was that I just didn’t agree with some of the author’s viewpoints. At times, her tone and remarks just came across as judgmental and condescending, and I could no longer deal with it.
If you’re a Christian mother to daughters, 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter may appeal to you, so I’m not going to tell you to avoid it. However, it just wasn’t the book for me.
This review is also posted on my blog: http://mommysreadingbreak.wordpress.c...
August 25, 2013
Mrs. Courtney very candidly talks about some of the key issues facing our daughters (and sons) today. She reviews the message popularly shared with our teens, and then breaks down each issue with outside research and her own experience in raising her daughter and counseling teen girls, adding in passages from the Bible as appropriate. This combination of research, experience and Scripture are an wonderful mix to prepare parents to talk with their children.
While the statistics are alarming, Mrs. Courtney is encouraging in her approach. She never presents herself as having done this perfectly, but encourages parents to look at reality and help guard their children against the onslaught of the lies so prevalent in our world today, to stand in battle beside our children through prayers we utter on their behalf and conversations we have with them. While the statistics are alarming, Mrs. Courtney is encouraging in her approach. We can truly help our daughters safely navigate the minefield waiting for them.
While the statistics are alarming, Mrs. Courtney is encouraging in her approach. She never presents herself as having done this perfectly, but encourages parents to look at reality and help guard their children against the onslaught of the lies so prevalent in our world today, to stand in battle beside our children through prayers we utter on their behalf and conversations we have with them. While the statistics are alarming, Mrs. Courtney is encouraging in her approach. We can truly help our daughters safely navigate the minefield waiting for them.
October 14, 2014
I downloaded this thinking I could blog my story of hatereading this book with a toddler since, apparently, she and I must have these conversations. But this book is vile. Mean, almost spiteful in its commentary about culture/readers/young women, and somehow managing to be both prudish and vulgar. One gets the uncomfortable feeling that the author enjoys both her righteous indignation about all aspects of popular culture, from Britney Spears to MP3 players (which, for the record, you do not UPLOAD music to, you DOWNLOAD or perhaps even just LOAD it) - yet at the same time she almost relishes going into great detail to describe these things she finds objectionable (does anyone really wonder what F*** means? Do we really need that much detail on the specific type of bra the author feels mothers should buy for their adolescent daughters?!)
This book is just as shallow as the media it claims to be against, vile in its descriptions, and sexist and demeaning to both mothers and young girls. I can't even hateread it with my toddler because it's so offensive and inappropriate.
This book is just as shallow as the media it claims to be against, vile in its descriptions, and sexist and demeaning to both mothers and young girls. I can't even hateread it with my toddler because it's so offensive and inappropriate.
September 23, 2018
My mom gave me this book years ago but o really started chewing on it this year. This is a very practical book about the conversations that are important to raising a strong godly woman. It gives statistics from research that may be a tad bit outdated now but still shows what’s going on society.
This is a down to earth book for mothers who are seeking biblical guidance for their daughters. I love how Vicki Courtney says it: “God is not looking for perfect mothers raising perfect daughters. He is looking for imperfect mothers who are raising imperfect daughters in an imperfect world, and desperately dependent on a perfect God for results.”
The key in this book is always engage with your daughters. Don’t have one conversation with your kids. Have ongoing conversations. Be honest with them. Tell them the truth of God’s word and discuss it along with the corruption of this world. Guide them. Hold them accountable. Be firm. Love them when they mess up.
This is a great read for all girl moms.
This is a down to earth book for mothers who are seeking biblical guidance for their daughters. I love how Vicki Courtney says it: “God is not looking for perfect mothers raising perfect daughters. He is looking for imperfect mothers who are raising imperfect daughters in an imperfect world, and desperately dependent on a perfect God for results.”
The key in this book is always engage with your daughters. Don’t have one conversation with your kids. Have ongoing conversations. Be honest with them. Tell them the truth of God’s word and discuss it along with the corruption of this world. Guide them. Hold them accountable. Be firm. Love them when they mess up.
This is a great read for all girl moms.
June 10, 2019
Outdated, but overall content was good. My daughter isn’t typical so most topics didn’t feel relevant to me.
February 21, 2013
E-book provided by NetGalley.
Parts of this book are EXACTLY identical to blocks of text from "5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Son". And my reviews for both will be similar too.
Three stars because I enjoyed reading this one more, probably because I'm a daughter, but for me it had the same issues: 1. "Misogynistic" doesn't even begin to describe how awfully prejudiced lots of poor generalizations here are. 2. Too many arguments based on religion. 3. Like in "5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Son", the author shares a few things that my only word for them is "hypocrisy".
This book has lots of things I had a problem with - but the author surely has a point here. The writer isn't the most open-minded person I've read, but she is smart and knows how to present her arguments in a logical, consistent, coherent way to defend her views and opinions.
"A book for CHRISTIAN MOTHERS" describes this book better than "book for PARENTS".
Parts of this book are EXACTLY identical to blocks of text from "5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Son". And my reviews for both will be similar too.
Three stars because I enjoyed reading this one more, probably because I'm a daughter, but for me it had the same issues: 1. "Misogynistic" doesn't even begin to describe how awfully prejudiced lots of poor generalizations here are. 2. Too many arguments based on religion. 3. Like in "5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Son", the author shares a few things that my only word for them is "hypocrisy".
This book has lots of things I had a problem with - but the author surely has a point here. The writer isn't the most open-minded person I've read, but she is smart and knows how to present her arguments in a logical, consistent, coherent way to defend her views and opinions.
"A book for CHRISTIAN MOTHERS" describes this book better than "book for PARENTS".
August 13, 2015
*Five Conversations... with Your Daughter* is a Christian-based how-to guide on raising daughters in a worldly atmosphere. In this day and age, traditional values have fallen by the wayside as girls and young women are bombarded with social media, peer pressure and multimedia approval of scandalous behavior and appearance. Because parents these days were also raised in a similar environment (think Cosmo magazine), it has become more difficult to raise well behaved and conservative children. This book helps guide discussions about upholding one's reputation, premarital sex, teen pregnancy, alcohol and drugs and more. Somewhat repetitive throughout the book, I still think it's a great way for parents to begin addressing very real issues with their kids. As a parent of five (3 girls, 2 boys), I also plan to read *Five Conversations... with Your Son* as a companion guide.
February 29, 2016
Must read for mothers of daughters!
This book is a must read for mothers of daughters. Although some parts may seem judgemental, the book shows the harsh realities of the lies young women believe and how as moms we can teach our daughters truth.
The only part of the book that I wish was clearer, or more grace was given, is to the single woman who has not chosen to delay marriage/children and who wants to be a wife/mother but has just been given the opportunity. And more grace for women who did not have the blessing of a mom teaching her these truths. At times I felt bad about my own singleness, almost guilty, when reading it even though I was not mentored well in any of these areas.
This book is a must read for mothers of daughters. Although some parts may seem judgemental, the book shows the harsh realities of the lies young women believe and how as moms we can teach our daughters truth.
The only part of the book that I wish was clearer, or more grace was given, is to the single woman who has not chosen to delay marriage/children and who wants to be a wife/mother but has just been given the opportunity. And more grace for women who did not have the blessing of a mom teaching her these truths. At times I felt bad about my own singleness, almost guilty, when reading it even though I was not mentored well in any of these areas.
May 11, 2016
3.5.
I really liked the concept of five conversations but I found the author to be super preachy and I get it, she's a minister and perfection and the God path arenthe only ones she can promote but I actually found it TOO lecturery. I had to make myself finish it because it's like one ginormous parenting lesson, one where if you're anything like me you've already failed every point she's trying to make. There's no grey area, either 100% or 23%.
This book would have been great if it was based on spiritual ideas instead of rigid religious ones and if the book started out by laying out the big 5 convos. Less of the blah blah blah and more CLEAR helpful guidance.
If you like feeling like a failure or you are perfect then you will love this book.
I really liked the concept of five conversations but I found the author to be super preachy and I get it, she's a minister and perfection and the God path arenthe only ones she can promote but I actually found it TOO lecturery. I had to make myself finish it because it's like one ginormous parenting lesson, one where if you're anything like me you've already failed every point she's trying to make. There's no grey area, either 100% or 23%.
This book would have been great if it was based on spiritual ideas instead of rigid religious ones and if the book started out by laying out the big 5 convos. Less of the blah blah blah and more CLEAR helpful guidance.
If you like feeling like a failure or you are perfect then you will love this book.
March 22, 2016
Yikes. Good information, lots of sources and biblical backgroud, but really hits you over the head. It's good, but maybe just not the book I was looking for. I read all but the last 60 pages, I just couldn't do it. If there are conversations I need to have with my kids (specifically my two wonderful daughters) I was hoping to see some guidelines into starting the tough conversations or questions to get the conversations started or homework for me to prompt me in communicating or conversation starters. This book is great if you need the facts, but if you're a quieter person who needs the words to help the conversations start (like me) this isn't the right book.
July 9, 2011
Great resource for all moms to read and keep on their shelves. The tone of the book made me feel like I was sitting at coffee with a seasoned mom who has done her research, sought God's wisdom through the Bible and prayer, and shares her experiences candidly. I appreciate that there are tips for three different stages of development - 5 and under, 6 to 12, and 12 and over - which help equip moms to have these conversations at each stage or to jump in at whatever stage you daughter is currently in.
June 14, 2016
This is one to purchase and keep as a reference. I highly recommend it for anyone who has a girl. These are conversations that you begin when your daughter is very young, and they continue until she is out of the house. The depth of the conversations will change as your daughter ages. Many points are things you already know but I certainly needed to reminded to look for ways to incorporate them into our daily lives.
December 29, 2010
This book was very insightful and gave me a lot to think about - and work on. It's an incredibly hard world out there to raise a daughter with virtue and dignity and cannot be done without God's influence and help. Even if you read the book without wanting the religious aspects of it, it is worth the read. It will open your eyes to how our culture is effecting our daughters and how to combat that.
June 28, 2012
Read once...Then went through Bible Study with Daughter!
It exposed the Lies that the Culture fills our children and even us as parents with.
It shows girls how to face every day issues in a Godly manner, and how to talk about what she needs with her mom.
It gives you the toos to face the critical issues frin the cradle to college.
I would not have missed this time with my daughter.
Not listed, but I also have the 5 conversations....Bible Study ISBN 9781415867341
It exposed the Lies that the Culture fills our children and even us as parents with.
It shows girls how to face every day issues in a Godly manner, and how to talk about what she needs with her mom.
It gives you the toos to face the critical issues frin the cradle to college.
I would not have missed this time with my daughter.
Not listed, but I also have the 5 conversations....Bible Study ISBN 9781415867341
October 24, 2012
Five conversations is a great read for anyone with or planning on having children. It has great advice backed up by scientific evidence to affirm the Bibles teachings. I wish my mother would've came to me with half of what I've read. Whether Christian or not, this opens helps to give you a few points to touch on in opening the dialogue with your children & even though it's geared towards daughters you find yourself wanting to bring some of this up towards your sons.
December 17, 2024
[Technically zero stars but GoodReads requires a star rating, so I awarded it one star under duress.]
On one hand, there is good material here that, for the most part, is grounded in Biblical principles (which is important if you happen to be a Christian parent). Her stances on advising moms to not let their girls grow up too fast and to keep a pure attitude regarding sex are good though they don’t chart any new territory. Sadly, my positive remarks end there as there are far too many issues present here to be ignored.
My biggest gripe is that this book seems to purport bizarre, illogical, and even ludicrous “insights.” Some of these include banning fashion magazines, not permitting your daughter to listen to hip-hop, and not allowing your daughter to wear certain kinds of underwear. These generalizations often blanket observations that either needed expansion (along with specific Biblical groundings) or carry on far too long.
There tends to be a good side and a weak/bad side to each of the arguments Courtney poses. For instance, can fashion magazines contribute to a young girl’s sense of poor self-worth? Absolutely, but not every girl is affected in this way. Rather than banning certain materials outright, mothers should teach their daughters discretion, which the book never fully touches on. The same argument holds true for music choices, which Courtney spends quite a bit of time discussing. However, the book seems to possess a prejudice against certain genres rather than educate parents on how to judge a song based on its lyrics, its genre notwithstanding. Pop, country, and rock have songs that are sexist or promote questionable/unhealthy choices, yet the author rarely mentions these as hip-hop gets the brunt of her dislike. But telling your daughter that “all [fill in the blank] are bad” circumvents critical thinking, which requires discretion and wise choices. Labeling all of a particular variety of something as bad without question (i.e. "All rap music is bad") or good without question (i.e. "All Christian music is good") is dangerous as it downplays the need to evaluate something on its own merit.
By way of example, Courtney could have encouraged moms to listen to the music their daughters enjoy and use those as teachable moments. What do the lyrics say? Is it a positive message or a negative message? Is the song meant to be taken seriously or is it satirical? What does the Bible say about the topic(s) the song talks about? Does the song reflect Biblical truths or common sense? Is the song musically good art? As one might find, not all "secular" songs are morally questionable and not all Christian songs are theologically sound. This process takes more time and effort as it involves deeper, more critical thinking, but ultimately it is far more productive as opposed to simply declaring something is good or bad "just because," which is the surface-skimming methodology Courtney advocates here.
This leads me to another protracted argument Courtney makes, which is what I shall call the great underwear debate (make that the great thong debate because, like hip-hop, she seems to harbor a special distaste for thongs.) This discussion goes on far too long and could have been summed up by asserting that ladies should dress modestly. Regarding choices of undergarments, this is a matter that’s in the mother’s hands, in my opinion. If a mom is still buying her daughter’s clothing, then she has the right to say what her daughter can and can’t wear. If the young lady is buying her own clothes, then she should be taught what’s appropriate, what’s inappropriate, and what may need to wait for a later time. Thus, I think the author could have edited these portions to discuss far more pressing matters rather than making it sound like Victoria’s Secret is a devil’s den.
But my biggest issue involved the author’s stance on marriage and motherhood. To start, Her belief that being a wife and mother can be worthy goals is fine, and it’s one of the rare moments where I agreed with her. I fear many ladies these days are being taught that they don’t “need” a husband, but if a woman wants to be a wife and mom, that’s an acceptable life choice. However, my agreement with Courtney on this point ends there.
If I could sum up the rest of her presumptions regarding this topic, it would be to make sure your daughter gets married in her 20s or else she’ll never get married, or, if she does, she’ll be infertile. The author also insists that college is a great place to meet men and comes close to saying that if you don’t have that mythical “ring by spring,” you’re doomed to be single for life. Likewise, this author seems to tout that after 30, a woman’s chances of getting pregnant are slim. That might be true for some women but not everyone - just as your organs don’t start wearing out by age 30 (as she purports with no credible medical evidence). By this point I began to question where the author was getting her information from as so much of the book seems based on her opinions, which is fine, but these opinions seemed to push past what was ultimately informative or even helpful.
Overall, there were some good points here and there though, to be fair, they’re common sense matters you don’t need a book for. I’m sure there are better titles covering the same topics that are less preachy and promote fewer generalizations. In short, Five Conversations is parenting fluff: it brings nothing new or insightful to the table, most of the good portions are common sense, and the weaker portions are facepalm-worthy. I wouldn’t say avoid this book but I definitely wouldn’t recommend it. However, allow me to offer a sixth conversation: not every book labeled “Christian” is good or worthwhile. And this title is one of them.
On one hand, there is good material here that, for the most part, is grounded in Biblical principles (which is important if you happen to be a Christian parent). Her stances on advising moms to not let their girls grow up too fast and to keep a pure attitude regarding sex are good though they don’t chart any new territory. Sadly, my positive remarks end there as there are far too many issues present here to be ignored.
My biggest gripe is that this book seems to purport bizarre, illogical, and even ludicrous “insights.” Some of these include banning fashion magazines, not permitting your daughter to listen to hip-hop, and not allowing your daughter to wear certain kinds of underwear. These generalizations often blanket observations that either needed expansion (along with specific Biblical groundings) or carry on far too long.
There tends to be a good side and a weak/bad side to each of the arguments Courtney poses. For instance, can fashion magazines contribute to a young girl’s sense of poor self-worth? Absolutely, but not every girl is affected in this way. Rather than banning certain materials outright, mothers should teach their daughters discretion, which the book never fully touches on. The same argument holds true for music choices, which Courtney spends quite a bit of time discussing. However, the book seems to possess a prejudice against certain genres rather than educate parents on how to judge a song based on its lyrics, its genre notwithstanding. Pop, country, and rock have songs that are sexist or promote questionable/unhealthy choices, yet the author rarely mentions these as hip-hop gets the brunt of her dislike. But telling your daughter that “all [fill in the blank] are bad” circumvents critical thinking, which requires discretion and wise choices. Labeling all of a particular variety of something as bad without question (i.e. "All rap music is bad") or good without question (i.e. "All Christian music is good") is dangerous as it downplays the need to evaluate something on its own merit.
By way of example, Courtney could have encouraged moms to listen to the music their daughters enjoy and use those as teachable moments. What do the lyrics say? Is it a positive message or a negative message? Is the song meant to be taken seriously or is it satirical? What does the Bible say about the topic(s) the song talks about? Does the song reflect Biblical truths or common sense? Is the song musically good art? As one might find, not all "secular" songs are morally questionable and not all Christian songs are theologically sound. This process takes more time and effort as it involves deeper, more critical thinking, but ultimately it is far more productive as opposed to simply declaring something is good or bad "just because," which is the surface-skimming methodology Courtney advocates here.
This leads me to another protracted argument Courtney makes, which is what I shall call the great underwear debate (make that the great thong debate because, like hip-hop, she seems to harbor a special distaste for thongs.) This discussion goes on far too long and could have been summed up by asserting that ladies should dress modestly. Regarding choices of undergarments, this is a matter that’s in the mother’s hands, in my opinion. If a mom is still buying her daughter’s clothing, then she has the right to say what her daughter can and can’t wear. If the young lady is buying her own clothes, then she should be taught what’s appropriate, what’s inappropriate, and what may need to wait for a later time. Thus, I think the author could have edited these portions to discuss far more pressing matters rather than making it sound like Victoria’s Secret is a devil’s den.
But my biggest issue involved the author’s stance on marriage and motherhood. To start, Her belief that being a wife and mother can be worthy goals is fine, and it’s one of the rare moments where I agreed with her. I fear many ladies these days are being taught that they don’t “need” a husband, but if a woman wants to be a wife and mom, that’s an acceptable life choice. However, my agreement with Courtney on this point ends there.
If I could sum up the rest of her presumptions regarding this topic, it would be to make sure your daughter gets married in her 20s or else she’ll never get married, or, if she does, she’ll be infertile. The author also insists that college is a great place to meet men and comes close to saying that if you don’t have that mythical “ring by spring,” you’re doomed to be single for life. Likewise, this author seems to tout that after 30, a woman’s chances of getting pregnant are slim. That might be true for some women but not everyone - just as your organs don’t start wearing out by age 30 (as she purports with no credible medical evidence). By this point I began to question where the author was getting her information from as so much of the book seems based on her opinions, which is fine, but these opinions seemed to push past what was ultimately informative or even helpful.
Overall, there were some good points here and there though, to be fair, they’re common sense matters you don’t need a book for. I’m sure there are better titles covering the same topics that are less preachy and promote fewer generalizations. In short, Five Conversations is parenting fluff: it brings nothing new or insightful to the table, most of the good portions are common sense, and the weaker portions are facepalm-worthy. I wouldn’t say avoid this book but I definitely wouldn’t recommend it. However, allow me to offer a sixth conversation: not every book labeled “Christian” is good or worthwhile. And this title is one of them.
May 5, 2015
As a mother of 2 girls ages 8 and 9, there will be difficult, but much needed conversations along the way. While we all have our own parenting styles, this book gives me some thought into approaching subjects that I want to talk to my girls about with the hope of somewhat saving them from the lies of culture.
March 2, 2016
Great book. Author is not lds, but she is Christian and she talks about all the things we teach our youth in our church. I was happy to hear that great values are being taught beyond my own little circle. More mama's need to read this. And then have those crucial convos with their daughters (and sons!)
December 31, 2008
This is an amazing, current book, filled with distressing (but true) statistics about girls and the pressures they face in our culture. Great advice and wisdom about how to have open communication with your daughters about these topics. I know I will read this multiple times as my girls grow.
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