Dreams of the Overworked: Living, Working, and Parenting in the Digital Age

by Christine M. Beckman, Melissa Mazmanian (Contributor)

A riveting look at the real reasons Americans feel inadequate in the face of their dreams, and a call to celebrate how we support one another in the service of family and work in our daily life.Jay's days are filled with back-to-back meetings, but he always leaves work in time to pick his daughter up from swimming at 7pm, knowing he'll be back on his laptop later that night. Linda thinks wistfully of the treadmill in her garage as she finishes folding the laundry that's been in the dryer for the last week. Rebecca sits with one child in front of a packet of math homework, while three others clamor for her attention. In Dreams of the Overworked , Christine M. Beckman and Melissa Mazmanian offer vivid sketches of daily life for nine families, capturing what it means to live, work, and parent in a world of impossible expectations, now amplified unlike ever before by smart devices.We are invited into homes and offices, where we recognize the crushing pressure of unraveling plans, and the healing warmth of being together. Moreover, we witness the constant planning that goes into a good day, often with the aid of phones and apps. Yet, as technologies empower us to do more, they also promise limitless availability and connection. Checking email on the weekend, monitoring screen time, and counting steps are all part of the daily routine. The stories in this book challenge the seductive myth of the phone-clad individual, by showing that beneath the plastic veneer of technology is a complex, hidden system of support--our dreams being scaffolded by retired in-laws, friendly neighbors, spouses, and paid help.This book makes a compelling case for celebrating the structures that allow us to strive for our dreams, by supporting public policies and community organizations, challenging workplace norms, reimagining family, and valuing the joy of human connection.

Genres: Parenting, Sociology, Nonfiction

312 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 9, 2020

Reviews

[Tyler · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is validating, enlightening, infuriating, saddening, insightful and impossible. The ideal worker, ideal parent and ideal body: many of us strive for at least one of these things, a majority for all three. It’s exhausting and unattainable and yet we still do it.

The book provides several scenarios of real life people struggling with this trifecta and how they (often unsuccessfully) deal with it. The truth is one will never attain all three without LOTS of help, both paid and familial, and even then, it’s often still just out of reach.

It was helpful to know I’m not the only one struggling, and the author gives some helpful suggestions at the end, but when you think of your company and work culture actually implementing them, you break out into mad laughter. And U.S. politicians implementing parent friendly policies?! You can laugh about that all the way to the mental institution. I have some small hope for my grandchildren’s generation. Maybe things will be different then. For now, I’ll continue to shuffle around in a half zombie state, remain a servant to work, feel like a terrible mother and stay fat.

If you’re reading this by any chance and don’t already have children, please consider childcare as a factor in your decision. This is something that is not talked about enough to potential parents, and in my opinion, it is the biggest, most continuous hurdle - worse than birth, sleepless nights, cracked nipples, the whole nine yards. These are stages. Having adequate childcare is something that will hang over your head for YEARS - coordinating it, paying for it, fully trusting the caregivers, etc.

Good luck to all my fellow strugglers out there. ✌️

P.S. Let go of your guilt for giving your kid that extra screen time.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Goals for the Overworked Parent:
- Ask less of yourself-set realistic expectations
- Ask for visibility-talk all the invisible work
- Ask more of your devices-look for features that will help loosen the strings
- Ask more of your organizations
- Ask more of your politicians

[E Aktas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book providing an absorbing account of the lives of nine families focusing on the ideal worker, perfect parent, and ultimate body myths. The authors had a solid research design, executed well and written extremely well. Even if you don’t have kids you will find many observations resonating with you and your friends/family. I strongly recommend it to everyone who are interested in life as it happens in middle class and upper middle class American families, generalisable to other countries. It also shows the unrealistic expectations from colleagues, family members, and ourselves. The constant feeling of guilt from failing the myths is ever present. I felt the notes at the end were so informative and I recommend you read them first before reading the book for the contents to make more sense.

[Alyss Noland · Rating 4 out of 5]

Detailed breakdown of the myths and amplification of myths that pervade middle and upper class with brief points on the lack of support experienced in lower income brackets. Authors are aware of the limitations of the research and provide a foundation for discussing unspoken expectations in the American workplace and home life.

[Amy Colbert · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.6