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The Xenophobe's Guide
Xenophobe's Guide to the Germans
Teutonic torment
In every German there is a touch of the wild-haired Beethoven striding through forests and weeping over a mountain sunset, grappling against impossible odds to express the inexpressible. This is the Great German Soul, prominent display of which is essential whenever Art, Feeling, and Truth are under discussion.
Angst breeds angst
For a German, doubt and anxiety expand and ramify the more you ponder them. They are astonished that things haven't gone to pot already, and are pretty certain that they soon will.
Longer must be better
Most Germans apply the rule that more equals better. If a passing quip makes you smile, then surely by making it longer the pleasure will be drawn out and increased. As a rule, if you are cornered by someone keen to give you a laugh, you must expect to miss lunch and most of that afternoon's appointments.
Angst breeds angst
Because life is ernsthaft, the Germans go by the rules. Schiller wrote, “obedience is the first duty,” and no German has ever doubted it. This fits with their sense of order and duty. Germans hate breaking rules, which can make life difficult because, as a rule, everything not expressly permitted is prohibited.
In every German there is a touch of the wild-haired Beethoven striding through forests and weeping over a mountain sunset, grappling against impossible odds to express the inexpressible. This is the Great German Soul, prominent display of which is essential whenever Art, Feeling, and Truth are under discussion.
Angst breeds angst
For a German, doubt and anxiety expand and ramify the more you ponder them. They are astonished that things haven't gone to pot already, and are pretty certain that they soon will.
Longer must be better
Most Germans apply the rule that more equals better. If a passing quip makes you smile, then surely by making it longer the pleasure will be drawn out and increased. As a rule, if you are cornered by someone keen to give you a laugh, you must expect to miss lunch and most of that afternoon's appointments.
Angst breeds angst
Because life is ernsthaft, the Germans go by the rules. Schiller wrote, “obedience is the first duty,” and no German has ever doubted it. This fits with their sense of order and duty. Germans hate breaking rules, which can make life difficult because, as a rule, everything not expressly permitted is prohibited.
92 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1994
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 58 reviews
March 28, 2021
Quite a hilarious read... yes, it sterotypes Germany and Germans but so what, there's a lot of truth and reality in it, and I think the authors really hit a nerve here and there. Made me laugh out loud quite a few times, here are some tidbits:
About obsessions... "The Germans love their cars more than almost anything. While the Italians reserve this kind of adoration for their children, Germans prefer to keep their children indoors, so the cars can play safely in the streets." (p.40)
About culture... "Novels or philosophical tracts of verbiage that no amount of re-reading will untangle represent outstanding value for money because nobody seeing you read this type of thing could possibly doubt that you must be very brainy indeed." (p.52)
About health... "Virtually all Germans have health problems, and if they don't, there must be something wrong with them." (p.64) and... "Like the French, the Germans devote enormous resources to the treatment of an illness which doesn't exist, in this the notorious Kreislaufstörung, meaning disruption of the circulation. While the rest of us go to meet our maker when our circulation stops, the Germans routinely recover from it and go on to lead useful and productive lives." (p.65)
About language... "Vergangenheitsbewältigung - The sum total of difficulties a nation encounters in struggling to come to terms with a dodgy past. Who but the Germans would have a word for it?" (p.85)
About obsessions... "The Germans love their cars more than almost anything. While the Italians reserve this kind of adoration for their children, Germans prefer to keep their children indoors, so the cars can play safely in the streets." (p.40)
About culture... "Novels or philosophical tracts of verbiage that no amount of re-reading will untangle represent outstanding value for money because nobody seeing you read this type of thing could possibly doubt that you must be very brainy indeed." (p.52)
About health... "Virtually all Germans have health problems, and if they don't, there must be something wrong with them." (p.64) and... "Like the French, the Germans devote enormous resources to the treatment of an illness which doesn't exist, in this the notorious Kreislaufstörung, meaning disruption of the circulation. While the rest of us go to meet our maker when our circulation stops, the Germans routinely recover from it and go on to lead useful and productive lives." (p.65)
About language... "Vergangenheitsbewältigung - The sum total of difficulties a nation encounters in struggling to come to terms with a dodgy past. Who but the Germans would have a word for it?" (p.85)
January 17, 2011
This is an interesting book, and at first it was really funny. I would read and laugh, then read and laugh some more. (For the record, Germany is where the majority of my genes and a good part of my subculture originated.)
Somewhere towards the end of the book, though, it sank in that most of the humor was sour. Yeah, the things it said were funny, but they were also caustic and biting. Weak points are attacked with glee. Where good things had to be said about the culture, the book does it grudgingly, disappointed not to be mocking.
I read the Xenophobe's Guide to the Chinese shortly afterward and detected the same attitude. Where good is to be found, it's acknowledged, but the real delight of the book was to belittle.
I guess this is what's meant by the "irreverent" part of the subtitle. I wonder how the writers would feel about having the same attitude applied to a biography of themselves?
I passed my copy on and still hope to find a more relevant guide to life in Germany, one that has the aim of acquainting you with a culture the author knows and loves (faults and all) instead of one that turns education into an excuse to sneer.
Somewhere towards the end of the book, though, it sank in that most of the humor was sour. Yeah, the things it said were funny, but they were also caustic and biting. Weak points are attacked with glee. Where good things had to be said about the culture, the book does it grudgingly, disappointed not to be mocking.
I read the Xenophobe's Guide to the Chinese shortly afterward and detected the same attitude. Where good is to be found, it's acknowledged, but the real delight of the book was to belittle.
I guess this is what's meant by the "irreverent" part of the subtitle. I wonder how the writers would feel about having the same attitude applied to a biography of themselves?
I passed my copy on and still hope to find a more relevant guide to life in Germany, one that has the aim of acquainting you with a culture the author knows and loves (faults and all) instead of one that turns education into an excuse to sneer.
October 17, 2015
This was interesting! It showed me that my host family here in Germany are not the stereotypical Germans. I already kinda suspected that though.
January 24, 2025
Dated, but still very on the nose for most part.
Comes from a slightly more west-german angle than east.
Comes from a slightly more west-german angle than east.
April 10, 2016
The irreverent tone of the book sometimes detracts from the content it contains, because the reader does not know whether to take it seriously or not.
The Germans pride themselves on their efficiency, organisation, discipline, cleanliness and punctuality. These are all manifestations of "Ordung" which doesn't just mean tidiness, but correctness, properness, appropriateness and a host of other good things. No phrase warms the heart of a German like "alles in Ordnung", meaning everything is all right, everything is as it should be. The categorical imperative which no German escapes is "Ordnung muss sein", Order Must Be.
On the environment: The German feel so strongly for the environment it can lead to some absurd situations arising. Like paper mills having to pulp new paper to keep up with the demand for recycled paper.
On cars: The Germans love their cars more than almost anything. While the Italians reserve this kind of adoration for their children, Germans prefer to keep their children indoors, so the cars can play safely in the streets.
On Customs and Traditions: A elaborate set of rituals built around consuming massive quantities of beer.
The Germans pride themselves on their efficiency, organisation, discipline, cleanliness and punctuality. These are all manifestations of "Ordung" which doesn't just mean tidiness, but correctness, properness, appropriateness and a host of other good things. No phrase warms the heart of a German like "alles in Ordnung", meaning everything is all right, everything is as it should be. The categorical imperative which no German escapes is "Ordnung muss sein", Order Must Be.
On the environment: The German feel so strongly for the environment it can lead to some absurd situations arising. Like paper mills having to pulp new paper to keep up with the demand for recycled paper.
On cars: The Germans love their cars more than almost anything. While the Italians reserve this kind of adoration for their children, Germans prefer to keep their children indoors, so the cars can play safely in the streets.
On Customs and Traditions: A elaborate set of rituals built around consuming massive quantities of beer.
August 4, 2012
As a Brit living in Germany for more than twenty years can only say that behind the satire in this book there are so many truths. Yes, it really is funny if you know Germany and the Germans, only then do I think you can really appreciate the satirical truth in this book. Loved it and had me laughing on the train on the way to work for a couple of mornings.
January 14, 2009
Everything I wanted to know about myself. Too funny and contains a lot of truth
November 29, 2021
For being a German it is really funny and also weird to read that book. And I gotta say, that I definitely seen myself in some of the written facts. :)
March 20, 2023
Hardly xenophobic. A very witty, satirical dissection of the German culture and persona.
January 12, 2021
Very funny and well observed. The authors are (at least in part?) German but living abroad, so their inside and outside view is the real thing.
I recognised quite a few things in myself like the love of putting things in order (hey, I'm a librarian-cataloguer!) - and things that annoy half-Hungarian me no end like the constant complaining and pessimism. (This past Corona year just made it more vivid.)
I recognised quite a few things in myself like the love of putting things in order (hey, I'm a librarian-cataloguer!) - and things that annoy half-Hungarian me no end like the constant complaining and pessimism. (This past Corona year just made it more vivid.)
August 8, 2018
Usual fare from the Xenophobe series. A bit tongue in cheek, but possibly close to the truth. All the stereotypes of the Germans you'd expect - all is in order, efficient and there is no wastage. Possibly not the most entertaining of all the ones I've read this far. Maybe I'm just at a point where I've read enough of these for the time being.
July 1, 2020
Good small and funny book about Germans and German culture. A lot of truth and also I have found a few new interesting facts. Recommended for those who wants to know more about Germans
July 24, 2024
These are usually a lot wittier than this one was
September 26, 2021
Fun little book; enjoyed reading it.
July 31, 2011
I laughed so much, agreed with all that is mentioned and appreciated the explanations on why it is like it is. Just wish germans (in general) would be able to laugh at themselves because it makes life healthier, like the story with an apple a day (like this am I convincing any german?).
PS: Obviously Love Germany and its inhabitants :-)
PS: Obviously Love Germany and its inhabitants :-)
July 21, 2014
Pretty spot on, though its unsettling that it really highlights the Germans as pretentious jerks. Which certainly can be the case, but on the whole my interactions with them have been more pleasant than this book would suggest. Then again, I am an optimist and am knowingly choosing not to dwell on the negative. We all have our negative attributes.
March 18, 2017
I am so glad our German teacher recommended this teeny little (85 page) hilarious guide to Germans. My copy was updated in 2010 and had me upsetting my seat tray on the plane, I was laughing so hard! I got a lot of useful information and terminology out of reading it also. The entire Xenophobe's guide series is available in paperback and e-book, via Amazon or its British publisher, OvalBooks.
May 26, 2013
Hilarious, though a bit offensive, as all are in this series. I am definitely hooked on all The Xenophobe's Guide books.
This one, in particular, brought interesting insight into the German character. However, I have read funnier books in the series.
This one, in particular, brought interesting insight into the German character. However, I have read funnier books in the series.
November 2, 2008
so true...
March 14, 2011
This book is very funny and surprisingly accurate.
October 16, 2019
Not many insights here, mostly prejudice and ridicule and stereotypes. Too bad.
August 13, 2014
Slightly boring, slightly melancholic, this one wasn't as amusing or entertaining as other books of the series I read.
July 10, 2013
Read this before you visit Germany, althought Berlin is very very different from other parts of Germany.
October 28, 2014
Not the best book of the Xenophobe's guides
April 6, 2015
Although a bit over the top, very funny and recognisable! Very good tool to understand some way of thinking of the Germans
June 6, 2015
I love the Xenophobe books, and have a collection of them in my kitchen. Why the kitchen? They are cute and look nice with the cookbooks. These books are very stereotypical, but fun.
August 3, 2015
This book cracked me up. hahahahaha
May 10, 2016
Short, entertaining insight to the Germans.
March 11, 2019
Actually I like the idea of these books but the one about Germans is not up to date. It mirrors a Germany from at least 40 years ago I m afraid.
April 19, 2007
hahahahaha
Displaying 1 - 30 of 58 reviews