The Remarkable Millard Fillmore: The Unbelievable Life of a Forgotten President

by George Pendle

Millard Fillmore has been mocked, maligned, or, most cruelly of all, ignored by generations of historians--but no more! This unbelievable new biography finally rescues the unlucky thirteenth U.S. president from the dustbin of history and shows why a man known as a blundering, arrogant, shallow, miserable failure was really our greatest leader.

In the first fully researched portrait of Fillmore ever written, the reader can finally come face-to-face with a misunderstood genius. By meticulously extrapolating outrageous conclusions from the most banal and inconclusive of facts, The Remarkable Millard Fillmore reveals the adventures of an unjustly forgotten president. He fought at the Battle of the Alamo! He shepherded slaves to freedom on the Underground Railroad! He discovered gold in California! He wrestled with the emperor of Japan! It is a list of achievements that puts those of Washington and Lincoln completely in the shade.

Refusing to be held back by established history or recorded fact, here George Pendle paints an extraordinary portrait of an ordinary man and restores the sparkle to an unfairly tarnished reputation.

Genres: Biography, Humor, Presidents, History, Nonfiction, American History, Satire

252 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

Reviews

[Jim · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's an unbelievable story all right. It's certainly imaginative! The author shows us that the 13th president--Millard Fillmore--was not a dismal failure after all but actually the best president that the United States ever had! Did you know that Fillmore went to Texas and survived the Battle of the Alamo? Or that he helped Harriet Tubman lead escaping slaves to freedom on the Underground Railroad? Perhaps he was feeling guilty for signing the Fugitive Slave Act. People know that he sent American ships to Japan to open up that island nation to commerce with the West. But what they don't know is that he hid himself aboard one of the ships and visited Japan himself--and even took on Japan's greatest sumo champion!
Be sure to read the footnotes in the back so that you can try to separate fact from fiction about the incredible life of the thirteenth president. It is indeed true that Fillmore loved his hometown of Buffalo. He declared: "Buffalo in the progress of history is destined by its position to be what Alexandria and Venice were." And Abigail Powers, his first wife, had actually been his first schoolteacher. You see, there's a lot you don't know about Millard Fillmore!

[Kierstin · Rating 3 out of 5]

So, full disclosure people: This book has a unicorn on the cover. Apparently scholarship has judged Millard Fillmore as so completely worthless as to abandon his legacy to parody and fiction. I read this piece because I could find no other adult book dedicated to Millard Fillmore. Since this project is meant to teach me respect for the country's history, I have to acknowledge the absence of scholarly work for what it is, and embrace the current understanding of Millard Fillmore's legacy: that The Truth is Not Worth Telling. (Fillmore also directed his correspondence and assorted papers be destroyed at his death, indicating to me his preference that I read fiction before an accurate accounting of his life.)

In reality, Millard Fillmore was the 13th President following the somewhat sudden death of Zachary Taylor 13 months into that administration. Fillmore was a New Yorker from a very poor background; he was apprenticed out at a young age by his father but ran away and eventually became a lawyer through back-channel frontier ways. He married his high school teacher.

Fillmore entered politics at the local level largely as an anti-Masonic protest, and soon caught the attention of prominent (and newly organized) Whig party members. His new friends helped elect him to Congress, where he served about ten years before returning to New York to lose a gubernatorial race and win election as State Comptroller. He was added to Zachary Taylor's Whig ticket in 1848 because he was a non-slaveholder from the north and "relatively obscure in reputation and deed." New York also had a good amount of electoral votes at stake even in 1848.

Ironically, as Vice President, Fillmore supported expanding slavery to the new territories of New Mexico and California, but President Taylor (who won them from Mexico) did not. In his own words: "God knows that I detest slavery, but it is an existing evil ... and we must endure it and give it such protection as is guaranteed by the Constitution." Fillmore's enduring interpretation of the role of the Presidency was that of proctor, not leader.

When President Taylor died in 1850, Fillmore replaced the cabinet and dedicated the rest of the term to fostering passage of the Compromise of 1850. This legislation was the hallmark of Fillmore's term, and also his albatross. In effect, the bill combined five separate bills:

- Admit California as a free state.
- Settle the Texas boundary and compensate the state for lost lands.
- Grant territorial status to New Mexico.
- Place federal officers at the disposal of slaveholders seeking escapees—the Fugitive Slave Act.
- Abolish the slave trade, but not slavery, in the District of Columbia.

In the North, the Fugitive Slave Act was considered an atrocious compromise, and widely thought too high a price for what was gained. The Whigs refused to nominate Fillmore in 1852, and he made modest political rumblings for a few more years before settling down in Buffalo. He founded the University of Buffalo, remarried a wealthy widow after the death of his first wife, became an outspoken critic of Abraham Lincoln, and died of complications from a stroke in 1874.

I learned that Millard Fillmore is unremarkable and a bit regrettable after all. This is not a bright spot in American history, and I'm resigned that a little fiction is sometimes better than the truth. Cheers to Mister Pendle for the Forrest Gumpification of this forgotten president.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Millard Fillmore was a fabulous elfin man who was a champion bare-knuckle boxer and Mason-hunter. He also rode unicorns and was best friends with Zachary Taylor's horse. He might have killed some injuns too. He did a lot of important things.

[Maggie Turner · Rating 1 out of 5]

I admit that when I purchased this book, I may not have read all the reviews. Millard Fillmore sitting on top of a unicorn made me suspicious, but not enough to push me away. I thought of it as an attention grabber to get more readers interested.

Leave it to a British author to try and write about American History and this is what you get !

In the first few pages Pendle seems to say some wonderful things about Fillmore and I felt that someone else finally felt the way that I do about the 13th President. It wasn't until later, I realized he was mocking him and me for that matter. I had a hard time picturing Fillmore's great great grandfather being a swashbuckling pirate, nor his grandfather being of the kind to sit in the forest and eat linens. I even read past the part where Fillmore's journals were found in a village in Northern Uganda where they worshiped them as sacred objects. It was once I got to the chapter that began with Millard's life and the author said that the family couldn't afford to give him a middle name, I put the book down and began to wonder if I had been taken in. Believe me, I have my receipt and I want my money back!!

I realize now the book is a joke, and I'm past feeling humiliated by it. I find some creativity in Pendle's writing and for that only credit is due. I can't beg Half Priced Books to buy it from me for a penny because I had downloaded the Kindle version so instead of deleting it (the e-version of book burning) I'll keep it around for those nights when I have insomnia.

I try to be a reasonable Millard Fillmore fan. I'm sure the man himself would be able to take this book with a grain of salt and laugh it off. I understand he doesn't rank high on the list of great presidents, but if you read biographies by Robert Scarry or W.L. Barre (published in 1856 when first-hand information was still available) you would see Fillmore in a different light. Millard Fillmore was chosen as Vice President even though he didn't want the job. He was a dedicated civil servant and realized that if the people wanted him, believed in him, and chose him as vice-president then he was willing to step up and do the job for the people. That type of giving of one's life, unselfishly to the public has been lost to labor's history, as is Fillmore's true reputation.

[Fishface · Rating 1 out of 5]

I bought this book on the strength of a catalogue promise that it would actually be about the life of Millard Fillmore. It promised to tell me things about him I'd never heard before. Instead it turns out to be a not-very-funny spoof of his life.

[Jessica King · Rating 2 out of 5]

Insanely clever, but I enjoyed Pendle's Death (the book, not that he died) much more, even though I have a degree in history. I greatly enjoyed Fillmore's growth on the idea of slavery, the birth of the Telltale Heart and his harrowing escape from the Alamo. Who knew? Remarkable, certainly. Yet I could not force myself to finish the book - even though I'm sure the ending was epic. I admit that part of my fear, as a weekend historian, would be to share one of Pendle's stories with someone who couldn't guess I was being snarky. "Lame? Why, Fillmore invented Morse Code and is responsible for the California Gold Rush! He was also quite possible the first U.S. president to openly cross dress...well...that one time at the Alamo...for a while...."

But in reading other reviews, I am disappointed in the number of people who expected this to be a serious book and then give it a rating based on what they were looking for rather than the actual contents. THERE IS A UNICORN ON THE COVER! FILLMORE IS RIDING A UNICORN! Is that not a hint? Humor, people. If you don't like it - at least enjoy the hilarious illustrations.

[Sara Tiede · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book's poor reviews all suffer from its poor cataloging. The library I work at has it cataloged in American History. The book description calls it history and biography. All of those labels are bald faced lies. This book may be amazing, but I wanted a non fiction, factual account of a president as I've been trying to read through the American presidents. I have seen several others with a similar goal who have been stopped short by this sneaky book. It may be hilarious, but for the love of the library gods, put it in satire or fiction!! It's NOT biography!

[Scott Martin · Rating 2 out of 5]

(2.5 stars) Given that the actual life and actions of the real Millard Fillmore weren’t all that impressive, it is just as well that this work is included in the library’s biography section about him. The presidencies of the 1850s are of interest to me now as that was the baseline for worst presidents in US history (modern partisan politics notwithstanding). This attempt at humor in the “biography” of Fillmore made him to be a sort of American political mix of Candide and Forrest Gump. It had its moments, but on the whole, not one to dwell upon and certainly not worth the revisit.

[Tim B · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the second book I have read by this author. The first was Death: A Life. I highly recommend both. This book is an amazing way to learn a little about American can history, but more importantly have a very enjoyable time reading. At the endnotes portion, he actually tells you the roots of truth from which this fantastic voyage set sail. Well done!

[Carl Rollyson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Millard Fillmore (1800–74), 13th president of the United States, a lawyer, and a Whig, lost a race for New York governor in 1844, ran as Zachary Taylor's vice president in 1848, and became president in 1850 after Taylor died. Ridiculed as a bumbling figure and denied re-nomination in 1852, he ran for president on the Know-Nothing Party ticket in 1856, carrying only the state of Maryland.

When George Pendle announced at the Biographer's Club in Washington, D.C., that he had decided to write about Fillmore, Carl Sandburg snorted, "You idiot, that pecker never did a damn thing in his life!" The normally well-behaved Arthur Schlesinger Jr. cut off Mr. Pendle's retreat to the club door, grabbing the top of his underpants and hoisting them halfway up the biographer's back.

Undeterred, Mr. Pendle discovered that his subject led an adventurous life; stowing away on a battleship bound for Japan; befriending a Native American tribe who in turn adopted him; discovering gold in California; daring to correct Queen Victoria's English; fighting at the Alamo; and shepherding slaves to freedom along the underground railroad.

"The Remarkable Millard Fillmore" is documented in Fillmore's journals (volumes 1–53, another of Mr. Pendle's discoveries), in addition to a cache of unpublished letters — and perhaps most important of all, a collection of Fillmore's napkin doodles. With so much new primary material, no wonder, as Mr. Pendle's publisher notes, historians have been in an uproar, contesting this radically revisionist history.

Even where Fillmore seems most vulnerable — his maladroit stint in the White House—Mr. Pendle offers an explanation: It was too late to do anything about the Compromise of 1850, which temporarily put off the conflict over slavery. Fillmore's address on the subject, "What I Did During My Summer Holidays," was not "well received." Indeed, his party was already looking for his replacement. What ensued, however, was hardly Fillmore's fault, since he spent the better part of his presidential term in Japan — the best solution, his biographer argues, for a politician who decided that as a "divisive figure" he was "best kept out of public view." Mr. Pendle belongs to the P.T. Barnum School of Biography. In his "Notes," he quotes his avatar's answer to a question put by a visitor to Barnum's American Museum of human oddities: "Is it real or it is humbug?" Barnum replied, "That's just the question: Persons who pay their money at the door have the right to form their own opinions after they have got upstairs."

Mr. Pendle, in other words, has written the funniest sendup of an American historical figure and politics since Herman Melville's "Israel Potter" (1855) — not to mention a full-scale debunking of biographers and historians. The recondite paraphernalia of scholarly biography is parodied in hilarious, pedantic footnotes (rendered in puny type):

There has been some conjecture, postulated by A. Davidson, Ph.D. (Phys. Ed.), in her book Lincoln's Diphthong, that the correct pronunciation of Millard is with an open front unrounded vowel sound, in order that it rhymes with retard. This author maintains that Millard should be pronounced with a mid-central unstressed and neutral resonance, so that it can be rhymed with dullard.

Presidential biography also gets its comeuppance with references to tomes such as Hubert Tavistock-Monroe's "Who's Your Daddy? Inherited Wealth and the Presidency from George Washington to George W. Bush."

The typeface of "The Remarkable Millard Fillmore" is an 18th-century affair, with chapter titles echoing the old-fashioned great man of history narratives: "Fillmore, Man of Law, "Fillmore the Explorer," "Fillmore Among the Natives," "Fillmore the Kingmaker," and my favorite, "Fillmore Goes West." But classical allusions abound also in "Fillmore Agonistes" and "Fillmore Unbound." Mr. Pendle, not one to shirk any parody, titles his first chapter, "I, Fillmore."

The illustrations accompanying the text are a comic tour de force. They picture figures like James Madison, president during the War of 1812, whom Mr. Pendle describes as "a man of small stature at a time when being small meant being very short indeed." Below the text is a portrait (about twice the size of a postage stamp) with the subtitle: "James Madison: actual size." And the War of 1812? What was that about? Its causes, Mr. Pendle reports, are "now lost in the mists of time." But a footnote adds, "Something to do with boats, probably."

The laughter this book occasions is therapeutic. Biography, like every genre, requires a thorough satirical scour now and then, as Mr. Pendle's ingenious novel proves in its inimitable fashion.

[Neil Schleifer · Rating 1 out of 5]

As a fan of both presidential trivia and political satire, I was looking forward to reading The Remarkable Millard Fillmore. Unfortunately, Pendle's book isn't very "remarkable" on either count.

This is a fictional biography of America's 13th president, augmented by the supposedly undiscovered private papers of Millard Fillmore (which have been scrawled in ballpoint pen in handwriting that is clearly not Fillmore's) and hidden away in the jungles of Uganda since 1873.

The humor is often forced and sophomoric and more times than not falls flat. The comic misuse of facts and mangling of vocabulary is reminiscent of the Reduced Shakespeare Company's works (The Compleat Works of Shakespeare Abrgd) but often the jokes, puns and situations just aren't that funny. Here's an example. Fillmore encounters General Andrew Jackson in a tavern. Unaware of Jackson's lightning temper, nor of his bitterness about being accused of bigamy because Jackson's wife Rachel had not completed her divorce from her first husband before marrying Jackson, Fillmore talks about the weather and innocently tells the General that though the fog off Lake Erie was bad today "there is a bigger mist rolling in to town tomorrow". Thinking that Fillmore has said "bigamist" and is referring to his wife, Jackson challenges Fillmore to a duel. Groan.

Pendle seems to be trying to channel the comic madness of Mel Brooks "HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART I", but succeeds only in emulating Brooks' later and decidedly unfunnier works, like LIFE STINKS. Though this book doesn't stink, it sure doesn't live up to its comic potential. However, if you are in the market for a much funnier political satire that lampoons the presidency, I suggest FIRST LADY by Patrick Dennis.

[Jeremy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I originally found this book in my local independent bookstore and thought it looked hilarious. I was expecting something like the movie, "The Adventures of Picasso" Where the tructh is mixed in with the fantastic, but that it blends together. The remarkable Millard Fillmore as a concept is great, I just felt that the humor was a bit trite and goofy. Some other reviewers commented that they had really wanted to learn about Millard Fillmore, had this book been everything it could have been, those silly people who thought they were reading a biography (having not noticed the fricking UNICORN on the cover) would have finished the book blissfully unaware that it was fiction. One book that does this well is Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide; as preposterous as it is, Brooks never lets down the persona of the serious survival manual crank and it is much more satisfying because of it.
The Remarkable Millard Fillmore just rubbed me the wrong way from the start and never earned back my trust. I admit I didn't get more than a third through it, so it may have taken a great turn, but somehow I doubt it.

[Mike Petty · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm fairly positive that nothing in this book is even remotely factual, except maybe his birthday and the fact that he became president. But nobody really expects it to be a real biography, the cover alone says that.
Also, I suggest you read straight through without reading the notes, then go back and read the notes on their own. As the notes themselves comprise as much as a whole paragraph sometimes, and there are often 2-3 per page, you'll never make it through if you stop to read each one.

[Debbie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't finish this book. I'm wanting to read a biography on each President of the United States. Although there were some humorous points in this book, I wanted to REALLY learn about President Fillmore. I felt this book was a waste of my time.

[Don · Rating 4 out of 5]

The humor here is not subtle--this assessment of Fillmore's majesty would fit just fine in MAD. But there are enough laugh-out-loud lines to highly recommend it. I gave an extra star for the cut lines on the illustrations.

[Sarah Riddle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I put this in Biography as a lark. HILARIOUS!!!

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Currently reading, and it is hilarious.

[AndreaZ · Rating 1 out of 5]

Just not my cup of tea.

[Shana · Rating 1 out of 5]

At first I thought it was funny that Fillmore "met" all those people or "was involved" in those events, but now I think it was a waste of time to have read this. Don't bother.

[Johanna · Rating 1 out of 5]

Unreadable. This was the only book I coul find on Millard Fillmore and I can't even get through it!

[Steve · Rating 2 out of 5]

I probably would have liked it more if I went into it knowing that it wouldn't be real, but I read through the whole thing anyway in spite of it all.

[Sonia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed out loud.

[Doug · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book pretends to be funny.

[Kris · Rating 3 out of 5]

The cover has an actual photo of Millard Fillmore! Riding a unicorn!
The shockingly "true" new biography of America's most ignored President!

[Patty Cohen · Rating 4 out of 5]

a satirical bend on the little written about prez. funny as hell, but also can be boring in parts. worth the laughs!

[Jackie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fabulous satirical take on one of our most forgotten Presidents. A complete hoot.

[J. Bryce · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is more a phantasy based loosely on the life of President Millard Fillmore ... and when I say loosely I mean LOOSELY. Very enjoyable, not for historians without a sense of humor.

[Joe Wachtman · Rating 5 out of 5]

The greatest book I have ever read

[Katherine · Rating 1 out of 5]

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