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In the Garden of Discontent
This is a love story.
It’s brutal.
Heart-wrenching.
Dirty, terrifying, and raw.
But a love story nonetheless because it is so beautiful.
Ensley:
Noah Carter was the type of guy that every girl wanted.
Gorgeous. Talented. Smart and kind.
He was the world that revolved around me even though I didn’t deserve him.
But then something went wrong.
He snapped maybe, just lost his mind.I found him the night my family died, their blood staining his hands.
I put him in prison. I got my revenge.
But then years later he found me again...
...and stole me away from my life.
Noah:
You couldn’t know Ensley without wanting to strangle her.
She was beautiful, she was wild, she was the girl next door
.I grew up with her by my side.
I watched her destroy herself while I held on.
I protected her when she had been blind to the danger that surrounded her.
I let her go once only to find her again.
She would see me this time no matter what.
DISCLAIMER: This book deals with sensitive subject matter that may be difficult for some readers.
It’s brutal.
Heart-wrenching.
Dirty, terrifying, and raw.
But a love story nonetheless because it is so beautiful.
Ensley:
Noah Carter was the type of guy that every girl wanted.
Gorgeous. Talented. Smart and kind.
He was the world that revolved around me even though I didn’t deserve him.
But then something went wrong.
He snapped maybe, just lost his mind.I found him the night my family died, their blood staining his hands.
I put him in prison. I got my revenge.
But then years later he found me again...
...and stole me away from my life.
Noah:
You couldn’t know Ensley without wanting to strangle her.
She was beautiful, she was wild, she was the girl next door
.I grew up with her by my side.
I watched her destroy herself while I held on.
I protected her when she had been blind to the danger that surrounded her.
I let her go once only to find her again.
She would see me this time no matter what.
DISCLAIMER: This book deals with sensitive subject matter that may be difficult for some readers.
341 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 12, 2020
563 people are currently reading
1662 people want to read
About the author
Lily White
35 books2,678 followersLily White is a bestselling author who likes to dabble on the dark side of romance. She is most known for her Masters Series, Target This, Wishing Well, and The Five.
When she isn’t writing as Lily White you can find other books by her under M.S. Willis where she has penned the Control Series, the Estate Series, and Because of Ellison (contemporary romance).
Lily enjoys stretching her writing muscles by continuing to challenge herself with each book she publishes.
When she isn’t writing as Lily White you can find other books by her under M.S. Willis where she has penned the Control Series, the Estate Series, and Because of Ellison (contemporary romance).
Lily enjoys stretching her writing muscles by continuing to challenge herself with each book she publishes.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 242 reviews
August 22, 2020
One thing is always a certainty in Lily White books. They're all Unusual, unique and never before read plots. You think you've figured out the story and WHAM!! Out comes a punch from the left, leaving you out of breath and gasping for air.
She's the undisputed Original QUEEN of Dark, one who started writing mindfuck stories way before the trend caught on.
In the Garden Of Discontent is another one of her No Holds Barred, No Punches Pulled story.
There's plenty of Wildflowers planted by Noah Carter for Ensley Bennett near the fence to brighten up her life, yet there's nothing rosy or sweet scented about their life. It's full of thorns. Razor sharp and long, they're perpetually embedded in Ensleys skin, ripping her to shreds. Whether be at the shed or behind the bleachers in school, she can't escape them. They both find respite and a moment to breathe sighs of relief in each others arms at nights alone. New day brings the fresh cycle of abuse, torture and debasement all over again.
"We were the same, in different ways and for different reasons, but not in what we felt.
“So neither of us have to be alone anymore,” he admitted.
“I’m just tired of being alone.”
Noah is one of the most devoted heroes I've ever come across. His loyalty and ability to love truly, madly, deeply, completely is one solid rock amongst the raging maelstrom of emotions flying all around. He's the lone Ranger in her life, a savior of Ensley's soul, owner of a pure unblemished heart, her salvation. But he stands quietly on the sidelines, neither pushing nor delving, just holds her fragile soul in his cupped hands, protecting but not suffocating from two yards away
Ensley is one of the most unfortunate teen. Her vultures and destroyers within an arms reach, exacting payments as she ripens, feasting and devouring her soul a piece at a time. All this trauma makes her fold upon herself, she locks herself in her dark abyss of mind dungeons.
"I could hear that slick beast rattling its tail and snapping at her insides just begging to be freed."
Their plight moved me to tears many a places, which is so unusual to expect from a lily book. It's her version of a twisted love story, whips and blood replace hearts & roses. The garden they create sowing their discontented truths and interrupted dreams, where their secrets & misfortunes were buried. The toxins render the soil barren, nothing grew there!
"Our greatest discontent was how we’d loved each other despite our circumstances. Ours was a lifetime that wouldn’t allow us to stay together."
A barbaric love story of mangled hearts, who despite standing in ravaged lives, find love in stolen hours in the darkness of night. It hurt my heart to go on, yet I couldn't stop. As the story races towards the end, my heart thumped and prayed and begged for them to find relief from their ordeal...lily is cruel, that's all I'm gonna say😭
That's all there is to it!! 🤷♀️
5 dismal stars trapped in glass jars
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She's the undisputed Original QUEEN of Dark, one who started writing mindfuck stories way before the trend caught on.
In the Garden Of Discontent is another one of her No Holds Barred, No Punches Pulled story.
There's plenty of Wildflowers planted by Noah Carter for Ensley Bennett near the fence to brighten up her life, yet there's nothing rosy or sweet scented about their life. It's full of thorns. Razor sharp and long, they're perpetually embedded in Ensleys skin, ripping her to shreds. Whether be at the shed or behind the bleachers in school, she can't escape them. They both find respite and a moment to breathe sighs of relief in each others arms at nights alone. New day brings the fresh cycle of abuse, torture and debasement all over again.
"We were the same, in different ways and for different reasons, but not in what we felt.
“So neither of us have to be alone anymore,” he admitted.
“I’m just tired of being alone.”
Noah is one of the most devoted heroes I've ever come across. His loyalty and ability to love truly, madly, deeply, completely is one solid rock amongst the raging maelstrom of emotions flying all around. He's the lone Ranger in her life, a savior of Ensley's soul, owner of a pure unblemished heart, her salvation. But he stands quietly on the sidelines, neither pushing nor delving, just holds her fragile soul in his cupped hands, protecting but not suffocating from two yards away
Ensley is one of the most unfortunate teen. Her vultures and destroyers within an arms reach, exacting payments as she ripens, feasting and devouring her soul a piece at a time. All this trauma makes her fold upon herself, she locks herself in her dark abyss of mind dungeons.
"I could hear that slick beast rattling its tail and snapping at her insides just begging to be freed."
Their plight moved me to tears many a places, which is so unusual to expect from a lily book. It's her version of a twisted love story, whips and blood replace hearts & roses. The garden they create sowing their discontented truths and interrupted dreams, where their secrets & misfortunes were buried. The toxins render the soil barren, nothing grew there!
"Our greatest discontent was how we’d loved each other despite our circumstances. Ours was a lifetime that wouldn’t allow us to stay together."
A barbaric love story of mangled hearts, who despite standing in ravaged lives, find love in stolen hours in the darkness of night. It hurt my heart to go on, yet I couldn't stop. As the story races towards the end, my heart thumped and prayed and begged for them to find relief from their ordeal...lily is cruel, that's all I'm gonna say😭
That's all there is to it!! 🤷♀️
5 dismal stars trapped in glass jars
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Follow me on:
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September 25, 2020
A boy made secret a promise to a girl and years later will do anything to keep it!
This was such a great story! It was original, with all the feels, all the steam, it had me in tears in places and so angry in others, but I loved it all. I never knew what was going to happen from one minute to the next. There was not one second that was predictable, for me anyway. At first I was a bit upset that the Hero, Noah Carter was in Jail for over 20 years and that he and the heroine Ensley were apart for that long. It is a story I though I probably wouldn’t like, but ended up loving.
About half of the book was told in the form of flashbacks looking back on their past together from the time they met as 10 year olds when Noah moved in next door to Ensley. The flashbacks continue until they were in their senior year of high school when her family was murdered and trial afterward when Ensley’s testimony puts Noah in prison for the murders.
From the time Noah and Ensley were met, they shared a lot. Noah was lonely because he didn’t have a Dad and his Mom worked three jobs and was never home at night. Ensley liked to escape her suffocating house at night because her Mother and Father always fought on the few occasions he came home from his job as a trucker, and also because Ensley was in charge of raising her three younger siblings. So from the time Ensley and Noah met, once thee kids were asleep at night she would climb out her window and into Noah’s and not return until morning.
They were best friends and talked, laughed and watched movies together, even slept with their arms around each other but there were still secrets that they wouldn’t tell each other so they came up with a plan to get rid of the secrets and let them go so they didn’t fester inside.
Noah breaks out of prison and returns to capture Ensley in order to keep good on a promise he made to her on one of those notes he put in a jar along with one of her secrets. He wants to take care of her by making her see what really happened that night her family died.
The romance between Noah and Ensley is sizzling hot and off the charts. I give it 5 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 out of 5. Though I would give it more if I could. There are definitely a bunch of triggers in this book so if you don’t like hearing about any kind of child abuse don’t read this book.
I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
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This was such a great story! It was original, with all the feels, all the steam, it had me in tears in places and so angry in others, but I loved it all. I never knew what was going to happen from one minute to the next. There was not one second that was predictable, for me anyway. At first I was a bit upset that the Hero, Noah Carter was in Jail for over 20 years and that he and the heroine Ensley were apart for that long. It is a story I though I probably wouldn’t like, but ended up loving.
About half of the book was told in the form of flashbacks looking back on their past together from the time they met as 10 year olds when Noah moved in next door to Ensley. The flashbacks continue until they were in their senior year of high school when her family was murdered and trial afterward when Ensley’s testimony puts Noah in prison for the murders.
From the time Noah and Ensley were met, they shared a lot. Noah was lonely because he didn’t have a Dad and his Mom worked three jobs and was never home at night. Ensley liked to escape her suffocating house at night because her Mother and Father always fought on the few occasions he came home from his job as a trucker, and also because Ensley was in charge of raising her three younger siblings. So from the time Ensley and Noah met, once thee kids were asleep at night she would climb out her window and into Noah’s and not return until morning.
They were best friends and talked, laughed and watched movies together, even slept with their arms around each other but there were still secrets that they wouldn’t tell each other so they came up with a plan to get rid of the secrets and let them go so they didn’t fester inside.
“No matter what happened, he’d make me write those notes, bury them in the ground, and then he’d grow flowers over them. It didn’t matter how much he hated me at the time, or how angry I was at him, I was out there scrawling toxic confessions he would wrap with his, like our pain was meant to go together.”
“Noah and I named it a few years later. He said we reminded him of some book where the character hated his life and that’s where he got the idea.”
“The garden of discontent.”
Noah breaks out of prison and returns to capture Ensley in order to keep good on a promise he made to her on one of those notes he put in a jar along with one of her secrets. He wants to take care of her by making her see what really happened that night her family died.
The romance between Noah and Ensley is sizzling hot and off the charts. I give it 5 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 out of 5. Though I would give it more if I could. There are definitely a bunch of triggers in this book so if you don’t like hearing about any kind of child abuse don’t read this book.
I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
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February 15, 2020
'IN THE GARDEN OF DISCONTENT' Is a suspenseful, full length dark romance book by Author Lily White. Spoken in 'Dual Perspectives. Flits from 'Past to Present' fluidly.
ONE WORD!! ➤HolySHIT!! This book deserves my full five star rating! No one is going to be prepared for this story!! I'm going to make this review as vague as I can, because you truly need to go into this one blind.
This book is not going to be for everyone mainly because of some of the subject matter disclosed but omg it just made for a truly unique, unpredictable, raw, heartbreaking and utterly riveting read! This book pulled me out of my 4 star drought!
It was everything I could’ve wished for and more!
An unconventional love story, two lost souls bound by their unbreakable bond over burying a feral cat at the ages ten and eleven, the new boy in town, and a girl chained by her mother's despicable treatment of her, a boy who strived to protect her and loved her unconditionally. Oh how this story broke my heart.
I’ve never loved two characters more than I have these two, I just wanted to wrap them up in cotton wool and hide them from the horrors this author put them through.
“If you need somewhere to go, you can run to me. even if just for an hour. I'll leave my window open and turn the lamp on when my mother isn't home. That way you know we won't get in trouble.”
Noah, a gentle boy, a caring boy, a boy who loved so much, but above it all he was a pillar of strength. He had so much to give.
A love that knew no bounds. Best friends. Soul mates.
Ensley, the life she endured broke my heart, imprisoned within the walls of her childhood home only to keep her siblings safe. Words can’t describe how much I felt whilst reading how she was mistreated. She truly thought she was undeserving of love, to be the laughing stock of the town.
December 3, 2021
Let start off with this Warning: If you don't like real life situations, this may not be the book for you… So, this is where I tell you to buckle up tight- cuz this is going to be one hell of a ride- I must say that I was on the edge of my seat the whole way through!
This is a story about a boy and a girl who grew up in hardship but had somehow found love in one another. And two kids who had clung to each other despite it all.
she first met him shortly after he moved in next door from her when she was only 10 years old…Noah and Ensley had formed bond basically from the first day they met
Noah Mason Carter and Ensley Bennett story, this is one hell of heart wrenching story …. One that you will not want to put down, but at times will want to reach into your kindle and you’ll want to kill Tammy Bennett yourself
You’ll see for yourself how, Ensley’s. mother was a demon dressed in pretty skin, a nightmare that deserved to die after everything she did. But not by him ……. Tammy Bennett was really pretty on the outside but her veins were filled with poison!-The things that Ensley’s mother made her do was beyond unacceptable for such young girl, but Ensley did them to protect her younger siblings- (Lena, Quinn and Devin)
Noah was unaware to what was going on next door, he knew just few of the cruel things Ensley’s mother was doing, but his imagination nor your could come close to what this woman was doing to her own children .. lord have mercy ….. Noah will stop at nothing to protect her, even escape from prison to prove his loyalty to her
I think that my heart stopped few times in those last few chapters, and holy smokes and that EPILOGUE
I hope that you may appreciate the fact that Lily White does a wonderful job giving us the back story needed to understand Ensley and Noah better and see how they came to be the people they are. I know that I did
Oh before I forget if you enjoyed The Five by Lily White , you’ll definitely enjoy this read as well
I can say is I tip my hat to you Lily White you are a amazing story teller and definitely have my 5 stars from me
February 13, 2020
Genre: Dark Romance
Type: Standalone
POV: First Person - Dual
Rating:
Ensley Bennett’s life changed irrevocably when she was just a teenager. Since then, she lived only for the next moment and never looked back to her painful past. Years of blissful ignorance was about to end when the past caught up to her and brought Noah Carter back into her life.
This book was gritty and raw. It made me equally hurt and angry for the characters. This is the kind of story that would make you question what happened to humanity.
What Ensley and Noah had to endure was brutal and ugly. Yet beyond that, there’s an unconventional beauty in their relationship dynamic.
In the Garden of Discontent is a story of sacrifice and finding closure. It would appeal to readers looking for a raw and heartbreaking dark romance.
🔹✖🔹 . . . (F)BR With Twinsie CC & Loyda . . . 🔹✖🔹
For more reviews/reveals/giveaways visit:
Type: Standalone
POV: First Person - Dual
Rating:
Ensley Bennett’s life changed irrevocably when she was just a teenager. Since then, she lived only for the next moment and never looked back to her painful past. Years of blissful ignorance was about to end when the past caught up to her and brought Noah Carter back into her life.
This book was gritty and raw. It made me equally hurt and angry for the characters. This is the kind of story that would make you question what happened to humanity.
Our greatest discontent was how we’d loved each other despite our circumstances. Ours was a lifetime that wouldn’t allow us to stay together.
What Ensley and Noah had to endure was brutal and ugly. Yet beyond that, there’s an unconventional beauty in their relationship dynamic.
In the Garden of Discontent is a story of sacrifice and finding closure. It would appeal to readers looking for a raw and heartbreaking dark romance.
🔹✖🔹 . . . (F)BR With Twinsie CC & Loyda . . . 🔹✖🔹
For more reviews/reveals/giveaways visit:
dnf-lost-interest
October 6, 2020My first Lily White, and what better way to jump in than with a gifted, signed paperback complete with limited edition cover. (Seriously, whoever sent this, THANK YOU! <3) You can see it HERE.
February 21, 2020
Now that is how you write a freakin book!!!!! You give us all the broken pieces, all the hurt and the messed up sacrifices along with some of the most complex loving heartbreaking characters and this is what you get. This is what you inhale. This…. Is what you never forget.
In The Garden Of Discontent was a heartbreaking story about loss, love and sacrifice. The story played with your emotions while keeping you at bay in the most serene moments. You felt everything for these characters. They’re anger became your own anger, their joy was your own, but the saddest part was feeling their loss and self destructiveness. You wanted nothing more than to stop the madness and erase the hurt because the kind of pain that was inflicted? Didn’t cause bruising. It made scars.
“Our greatest discontent was how we’d loved each other despite our circumstances. Ours was a lifetime that wouldn’t allow us to stay together.
I’ve read a few books from this author in the past and I’m going to tell you something about her. She is severely underrated in the book world! From the moment you start to read a few sentences from her, she literally pulls you in. Her words are lyrical in a sense and when I tell you that those very same words hit a part of your soul, I mean it. She never gives you the same story line twice and just when you think that you have it all figured out and you’re safe, this author gives you a plot twist that is so maddening and gasp worthy, you don’t know if you should be outraged or just yell from the top of your lungs "All hail the Queen"
I know that for most of this review I’ve purposely skirted around the plot of the storyline and who the characters are. A part of me wishes that I could hold on to them and keep them in a bubble because they went through things that I would never wish on my worst enemy. Emery and Noah loved each other since childhood but having that love and friendship not only changed the course of their lives, it ended some.
I think that this is going to be one of those books that is going to stay with me for a while. I loved the writing but it was the characters that did it for me. Noah and Emery had a very complicated relationship and even though you felt the chemistry between them, it was the flashbacks that really got to you. We really saw the love in those moments and it was beautiful. I didn’t agree with certain things if I’m being honest but a part of me knows that if they hadn’t been done, the dynamic of the story would not have been as strong so I respected and understood that.
This is the part where I tell you if you’re a fan of this or that, then you need to read this book. FUCK that shit. Read this book regardless!! If you’ve never read anything from this author, please start with this one. I guarantee you that you will not be disappointed and if you are, there is something wrong with you! If you like your stories to be on the little twisty side, this is your book! Sexy? Your book! If you have pulse, you should be reading this!!
February 12, 2020
This book just ran me through the gauntlet of dark emotions, gave me brief glimpses of hope, and then totally yanked the ground out from underneath me. And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Ensley and Noah have known and loved each other since they were children. Ensley definitely has a life that is straight out of a horror film, the monster always in the next room. But with Noah’s friendship, she finds a bit of peace from the darkness that is threatening to consume her.
’Noah had owned me since the moment he watched me from his window and called out to me the first time. I may not have known it then, but I knew it now, and was a better woman for it, his name was chiseled over every bone and branded on every organ.’
Until she realizes that same darkness is a threat to every dream Noah has.
’”How long has it been since that night?”
“Twenty-two years.”
And I hadn’t lived a single day of them. I was already dead.
Nobody knew this. Not even Peter. It was a secret buried in an empty glass bottle, deep underground, in the garden of discontent.’
Ensley was one messed up chick. With each look into her past, my heart was near to bursting from my chest as the layers of what made Ensley who she was is slowly revealed. If ever there was a heroine I wanted to pull into my arms and hug the pain away, it was her. Of course, she would’ve given me what for with a lot of four letter words thrown in. Then again, a hug would never be enough to heal her. But Noah might be.
Noah was a bit of an enigma to begin with. I didn’t know if I was going to love or hate him. In the end, everything he did, thought, and lived for was Ensley, so obviously, I loved him completely. He had his own heartache and lord, I don’t know how he managed to stay the distance when confronted with all that was Ensley.
’We were connected, the two of us, by invisible strings that were unbreakable over time or distance or heartache. We were unbreakable together, bound by a lifetime of promises and secrets.’
When reading a Lily White book, you never know what you’re going to get so I sat back with this one and let her work her dark magic. And this is definitely colored in the darkest shades of gray. This isn’t a cookie cutter story. It’s unique, twisted, and had me glued to the pages. I mean, really glued to the pages. There were so many ups and downs, paths that led one direction only to cut back another way. I wasn’t sure where this was going to take me, but holy heck, was it a wild ride.
Dual POV
Safe
Triggers
Ensley and Noah have known and loved each other since they were children. Ensley definitely has a life that is straight out of a horror film, the monster always in the next room. But with Noah’s friendship, she finds a bit of peace from the darkness that is threatening to consume her.
’Noah had owned me since the moment he watched me from his window and called out to me the first time. I may not have known it then, but I knew it now, and was a better woman for it, his name was chiseled over every bone and branded on every organ.’
Until she realizes that same darkness is a threat to every dream Noah has.
’”How long has it been since that night?”
“Twenty-two years.”
And I hadn’t lived a single day of them. I was already dead.
Nobody knew this. Not even Peter. It was a secret buried in an empty glass bottle, deep underground, in the garden of discontent.’
Ensley was one messed up chick. With each look into her past, my heart was near to bursting from my chest as the layers of what made Ensley who she was is slowly revealed. If ever there was a heroine I wanted to pull into my arms and hug the pain away, it was her. Of course, she would’ve given me what for with a lot of four letter words thrown in. Then again, a hug would never be enough to heal her. But Noah might be.
Noah was a bit of an enigma to begin with. I didn’t know if I was going to love or hate him. In the end, everything he did, thought, and lived for was Ensley, so obviously, I loved him completely. He had his own heartache and lord, I don’t know how he managed to stay the distance when confronted with all that was Ensley.
’We were connected, the two of us, by invisible strings that were unbreakable over time or distance or heartache. We were unbreakable together, bound by a lifetime of promises and secrets.’
When reading a Lily White book, you never know what you’re going to get so I sat back with this one and let her work her dark magic. And this is definitely colored in the darkest shades of gray. This isn’t a cookie cutter story. It’s unique, twisted, and had me glued to the pages. I mean, really glued to the pages. There were so many ups and downs, paths that led one direction only to cut back another way. I wasn’t sure where this was going to take me, but holy heck, was it a wild ride.
Dual POV
Safe
Triggers
February 25, 2020
***5 "Just run to me!!!" stars***
NOW AVAILABLE!
"The garden of discontent. It's where our misfortune is buried."
This was a heartbreakingly beautiful story... Raw and brutal but in a way so perfect in all its imperfection!!!
This story wrecked me from the beginning and it kept destroying me little by little as the chapters were passing by...
My heart was breaking for those two young people who had wasted so much time from their lives away... in order to satisfy unworthy people...
Yes, i was sad and furious at the same time with Noah, Ensley and the rest of the world and I'm afraid that it will take some time to get over this story!!!
"We were connected, the two of us, by invisible strings that were unbreakable over time or distance or heartache. We were unbreakable together, bound by a lifetime of promises and secrets."
"The truth had been buried beneath the ground in the garden we created, a strip of land poisoned by sorrow while beautiful for the flowers I planted."
There was a girl who had nothing...
A girl who lost almost everything very early...
Her childhood, her family, her innocence, her ability to love freely...
Her only solace was the boy next door whom unknowingly he had become her whole world...
But she didn't deserve him... even though he was always there for her...
She had so much heartbreak inside of her, so many hidden truths and lies inside her soul and she could confess them only in the garden of miscontent... A place that knew all the ugly parts inside of her and all the secrets that she was holding inside her heart...
“I loved this boy more than anything. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that I would be the poison that would destroy him eventually.”
“No matter what happened, he’d make me write those notes, bury them in the ground, and then he’d grow flowers over them. It didn’t matter how much he hated me at the time, or how angry I was at him, I was out there scrawling toxic confessions he would wrap with his, like our pain was meant to go together...
Noah and I named it a few years later. He said we reminded him of some book where the character hated his life and that’s where he got the idea.
...The garden of discontent...”
There was a boy that met a broken girl...
He wasn't broken himself... Not as much as the girl were...
And he decided that this girl was his to hold and love.... for the rest of his life...
And he tried... He tried so hard to be there for her in every turn...
But the girl were keeping secrets and he was seeing her day by day to slipping through his hands, even though he was still trying to be her everything...
He even built her a garden... A garden of miscontent...
And then one day, everything got destroyed...
By him, by her, by her fucked up family... Who knows???
But two lives were inrepairable broken.... Or not????
“Give me your pain, Ensley, and I’ll carry it for you.”
“Love me Ensley. Just open your eyes.
Trust me, Ens. I can help you.
Run to me, Ensley, I will take you away.”
After 22 years apart a man is coming back into a woman's life and he is trying to make the wrong right. But is something like that even possible???
Ensley and Noah had lost so much already and my heart and soul was hurting and crying for them and their fucked up story... For their fucked up lives...
For what they both sacrificed.... For the paths they had chosen once upon the time...
And how they spent their lives after all...
Is it too late after all this damage to find a safe place together???
“How long has it been since that night?”
“Twenty-two years.”
And I hadn’t lived a single day of them. I was already dead.
Nobody knew this. Not even Peter. It was a secret buried in an empty glass bottle, deep underground, in the garden of discontent.
It's where all our secrets are planted.’
"I would conquer her fucking demons if it was the last thing I did before leaving this world. Her nightmare was strong, but I was stronger. Maybe not when we'd been kids, but prison had done wonders to shape who I was now."
God, honestly, i don't know how i'm feeling for these two...
I loved Noah fiercely.... He was a very good kid... A caring kid... And he had brought a bright light in Ensley's life, but i think that he had to love her in a more toughed way... Maybe then, he could do something more for her....
I hated how strong and fiercely he loved Ensley and I'm afraid that he was letting her take advantage of this love....
In a way, I hated the sweet love that he was loving her and don't ask me why.... It's a long story!!!!
"I loved you every time you couldn't love yourself. Every time you hurt me. Every time you ran away."
“That’s right, Ens. Make it hurt. Just like you always have. Make it hurt so fucking much that I carry more scars because of you.”
As for Ensley??? My heart was breaking for her, but still... I'm so furious with her for many reasons...
I can understand from where she was coming and i was so sorry for her fate, but what she was doing to Noah emotionally wasn't right... And i hated the way she resented him after everything he did for her... How easily she locked him up for life for unworthy people who made her life a living hell...
I hated that at some point i believe she was enjoying some things that she shouldn't...
I hated that she was making Noah feeling so unworthy of her when he was anything but that!!!
Well, I'm so sorry for everything she got through, but I'm still very furious with her...
I just wanted her to take some different turns in her life and then i could accept her reasons why she did and reacted in some things, but now... I just can't!!!!!
"He never stopped loving me.
Not when we were kids.
Not while he was locked away.
Not tonight.
And I just cried, the sobs shaking every part of me.
His arms a cage that kept me safe."
"She abused herself, and she abused me, but I was strong enough to take the blows.
Every one of them.
Over and over."
Pfffff.... I'm sorry that I'm so judgemental with a very broken person, but .... I just couldn't accept some of her behaviors...
And Yes, Noah was too good for her and that's the only truth...
But still... even with all these mistakes, i still loved this book...
I loved the way that these broken kids were loving and holding each other...
I loved that as adults nothing had changed, even though life has throwing them hell in every turn of their way...
What i didn't like was that there were such a wasting of time... I hated it!!!
“Our greatest discontent was how we’d loved each other despite our circumstances. Ours was a lifetime that wouldn’t allow us to stay together.”
“There was nothing in the world that could ever force me to let her go. She was a crazy bitch. But she was my kind of crazy. Her insanity matching mine.”
Well, this was my first book by Lily White, even though i have wanted to read many of her books in the past...
And now, i can officially admit that i became a hardcore fan and i won't miss another book of hers, even if she will kill me in the process while i'll be reading these beautifully broken stories of hers!!!
"If you stay, I stay ..."
***I received an advanced reading copy in the exchange of an honest review. Thank you.***
NOW AVAILABLE!
"The garden of discontent. It's where our misfortune is buried."
This was a heartbreakingly beautiful story... Raw and brutal but in a way so perfect in all its imperfection!!!
This story wrecked me from the beginning and it kept destroying me little by little as the chapters were passing by...
My heart was breaking for those two young people who had wasted so much time from their lives away... in order to satisfy unworthy people...
Yes, i was sad and furious at the same time with Noah, Ensley and the rest of the world and I'm afraid that it will take some time to get over this story!!!
"We were connected, the two of us, by invisible strings that were unbreakable over time or distance or heartache. We were unbreakable together, bound by a lifetime of promises and secrets."
"The truth had been buried beneath the ground in the garden we created, a strip of land poisoned by sorrow while beautiful for the flowers I planted."
There was a girl who had nothing...
A girl who lost almost everything very early...
Her childhood, her family, her innocence, her ability to love freely...
Her only solace was the boy next door whom unknowingly he had become her whole world...
But she didn't deserve him... even though he was always there for her...
She had so much heartbreak inside of her, so many hidden truths and lies inside her soul and she could confess them only in the garden of miscontent... A place that knew all the ugly parts inside of her and all the secrets that she was holding inside her heart...
“I loved this boy more than anything. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that I would be the poison that would destroy him eventually.”
“No matter what happened, he’d make me write those notes, bury them in the ground, and then he’d grow flowers over them. It didn’t matter how much he hated me at the time, or how angry I was at him, I was out there scrawling toxic confessions he would wrap with his, like our pain was meant to go together...
Noah and I named it a few years later. He said we reminded him of some book where the character hated his life and that’s where he got the idea.
...The garden of discontent...”
There was a boy that met a broken girl...
He wasn't broken himself... Not as much as the girl were...
And he decided that this girl was his to hold and love.... for the rest of his life...
And he tried... He tried so hard to be there for her in every turn...
But the girl were keeping secrets and he was seeing her day by day to slipping through his hands, even though he was still trying to be her everything...
He even built her a garden... A garden of miscontent...
And then one day, everything got destroyed...
By him, by her, by her fucked up family... Who knows???
But two lives were inrepairable broken.... Or not????
“Give me your pain, Ensley, and I’ll carry it for you.”
“Love me Ensley. Just open your eyes.
Trust me, Ens. I can help you.
Run to me, Ensley, I will take you away.”
After 22 years apart a man is coming back into a woman's life and he is trying to make the wrong right. But is something like that even possible???
Ensley and Noah had lost so much already and my heart and soul was hurting and crying for them and their fucked up story... For their fucked up lives...
For what they both sacrificed.... For the paths they had chosen once upon the time...
And how they spent their lives after all...
Is it too late after all this damage to find a safe place together???
“How long has it been since that night?”
“Twenty-two years.”
And I hadn’t lived a single day of them. I was already dead.
Nobody knew this. Not even Peter. It was a secret buried in an empty glass bottle, deep underground, in the garden of discontent.
It's where all our secrets are planted.’
"I would conquer her fucking demons if it was the last thing I did before leaving this world. Her nightmare was strong, but I was stronger. Maybe not when we'd been kids, but prison had done wonders to shape who I was now."
God, honestly, i don't know how i'm feeling for these two...
I loved Noah fiercely.... He was a very good kid... A caring kid... And he had brought a bright light in Ensley's life, but i think that he had to love her in a more toughed way... Maybe then, he could do something more for her....
I hated how strong and fiercely he loved Ensley and I'm afraid that he was letting her take advantage of this love....
In a way, I hated the sweet love that he was loving her and don't ask me why.... It's a long story!!!!
"I loved you every time you couldn't love yourself. Every time you hurt me. Every time you ran away."
“That’s right, Ens. Make it hurt. Just like you always have. Make it hurt so fucking much that I carry more scars because of you.”
As for Ensley??? My heart was breaking for her, but still... I'm so furious with her for many reasons...
I can understand from where she was coming and i was so sorry for her fate, but what she was doing to Noah emotionally wasn't right... And i hated the way she resented him after everything he did for her... How easily she locked him up for life for unworthy people who made her life a living hell...
I hated that at some point i believe she was enjoying some things that she shouldn't...
I hated that she was making Noah feeling so unworthy of her when he was anything but that!!!
Well, I'm so sorry for everything she got through, but I'm still very furious with her...
I just wanted her to take some different turns in her life and then i could accept her reasons why she did and reacted in some things, but now... I just can't!!!!!
"He never stopped loving me.
Not when we were kids.
Not while he was locked away.
Not tonight.
And I just cried, the sobs shaking every part of me.
His arms a cage that kept me safe."
"She abused herself, and she abused me, but I was strong enough to take the blows.
Every one of them.
Over and over."
Pfffff.... I'm sorry that I'm so judgemental with a very broken person, but .... I just couldn't accept some of her behaviors...
And Yes, Noah was too good for her and that's the only truth...
But still... even with all these mistakes, i still loved this book...
I loved the way that these broken kids were loving and holding each other...
I loved that as adults nothing had changed, even though life has throwing them hell in every turn of their way...
What i didn't like was that there were such a wasting of time... I hated it!!!
“Our greatest discontent was how we’d loved each other despite our circumstances. Ours was a lifetime that wouldn’t allow us to stay together.”
“There was nothing in the world that could ever force me to let her go. She was a crazy bitch. But she was my kind of crazy. Her insanity matching mine.”
Well, this was my first book by Lily White, even though i have wanted to read many of her books in the past...
And now, i can officially admit that i became a hardcore fan and i won't miss another book of hers, even if she will kill me in the process while i'll be reading these beautifully broken stories of hers!!!
"If you stay, I stay ..."
***I received an advanced reading copy in the exchange of an honest review. Thank you.***
April 8, 2020
Release Date: February 12, 2020
Actual Rating: 4 stars
Dark Romance | Romantic Suspense
WOW! Okay, this book was a lot darker than I anticipated. But am I surprised? No. Lily White writes some dark stuff that can make any readers stomach churn. I learned this after reading The Five (which was VERY DARK, but VERY GOOD). But her books aren’t just dark. Beneath the layers of disturbing realities lies a love story that is so powerful that you can’t help but root for even the most sadistic characters. You’re not going to be reading this and saying to yourself “oh wow, their story is so swoony and charming.” Nope. You’re going to say to yourself “why the f*ck is this happening and who would write such a thing.” And then you’ll think, well, maybe it’s DARK but there’s something truthful about the story because honestly it DOES happen. Maybe we don’t want to live their lives but it’s interesting to see how some people HAVE to live. Get my drift? This is a tough book to stomach and it certainly won’t be a favorite of everyone’s, but it IS well written, raw, and intriguing.
Now, I don’t want to replay everything that happens in this book because it’s a tough story to pick apart and honestly, it’s something that needs to be read and felt without spoilers. However, I do want to leave a warning to potential readers to they know what they are getting into before reading.
WARNING: The subject matter of In the Garden of Discontent is TRIGGERING. Awful things happen to the heroine in the story (rape, abuse, and so forth). There is also a terrible murder (which is the main focus of the story) that will disturb you especially when you finally find out WHAT HAPPENED to the heroine’s younger siblings. Child abuse is detailed through flashbacks and it’s hard to read at some points. If any of this is a hard limit for you then you may want to read something else. This isn’t an easy book to take in by any means BUT once you weed through the hard times you will find a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
Now, despite the horror that goes on in this book I did enjoy the story as a whole. Sometimes I need an escape from reality and reading a dark and gritty book is a good escape for me. So, if you like darker romances especially those that push you out of your comfort zones then I recommend this one. If any of your hard limits are those, I mentioned above then you should skip it. This isn’t an easy read and should only be read by those who stomach this type of fiction.
Another book by the author that I recommend after or before reading this one is THE FIVE. You can get it here if you’re interested: THE FIVE (AMAZON)
Actual Rating: 4 stars
Dark Romance | Romantic Suspense
WOW! Okay, this book was a lot darker than I anticipated. But am I surprised? No. Lily White writes some dark stuff that can make any readers stomach churn. I learned this after reading The Five (which was VERY DARK, but VERY GOOD). But her books aren’t just dark. Beneath the layers of disturbing realities lies a love story that is so powerful that you can’t help but root for even the most sadistic characters. You’re not going to be reading this and saying to yourself “oh wow, their story is so swoony and charming.” Nope. You’re going to say to yourself “why the f*ck is this happening and who would write such a thing.” And then you’ll think, well, maybe it’s DARK but there’s something truthful about the story because honestly it DOES happen. Maybe we don’t want to live their lives but it’s interesting to see how some people HAVE to live. Get my drift? This is a tough book to stomach and it certainly won’t be a favorite of everyone’s, but it IS well written, raw, and intriguing.
Now, I don’t want to replay everything that happens in this book because it’s a tough story to pick apart and honestly, it’s something that needs to be read and felt without spoilers. However, I do want to leave a warning to potential readers to they know what they are getting into before reading.
WARNING: The subject matter of In the Garden of Discontent is TRIGGERING. Awful things happen to the heroine in the story (rape, abuse, and so forth). There is also a terrible murder (which is the main focus of the story) that will disturb you especially when you finally find out WHAT HAPPENED to the heroine’s younger siblings. Child abuse is detailed through flashbacks and it’s hard to read at some points. If any of this is a hard limit for you then you may want to read something else. This isn’t an easy book to take in by any means BUT once you weed through the hard times you will find a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
Now, despite the horror that goes on in this book I did enjoy the story as a whole. Sometimes I need an escape from reality and reading a dark and gritty book is a good escape for me. So, if you like darker romances especially those that push you out of your comfort zones then I recommend this one. If any of your hard limits are those, I mentioned above then you should skip it. This isn’t an easy read and should only be read by those who stomach this type of fiction.
Another book by the author that I recommend after or before reading this one is THE FIVE. You can get it here if you’re interested: THE FIVE (AMAZON)
February 12, 2020
IN THE GARDEN OF DISCONTENT is another example of how innovative and creative Lily White is!!! Rich, well-developed, complex characters and an unpredictable, exciting storyline.... I loved everything about this book!!! Not only does Lily White consistently deliver all of the above, but she always does it in a way that is impressively articulate and eloquent without sounding pretentious! As with every book I’ve read by her (I’ve read everything she has published except for one book), I was repeatedly wowed by her talents and knew I would miss the characters before the story even came to an end!!! Constantly wondering who did what and loving every minute of the wild ride, I did not want to put this book down!!!!
PS: If you enjoyed THE FIVE, you’ll love this one!!!!!
PS: If you enjoyed THE FIVE, you’ll love this one!!!!!
March 9, 2020
3 Missing Something Stars
MILD SPOILERS
So, this was just an okay book. The only other book I've read by this author was The Five, which I LOVED, but I felt like there were too many similarities between this book and that book for me to fully enjoy this one.
The story was a bit too choppy, and the flashbacks didn't flow as well as they did in The Five though. The pacing was also just a bit off, and I felt as if something was missing from this story. Maybe an emotional aspect? Yes the heroine was abused all of her life and you "felt" for her, but I think her emotions weren't portrayed that well so I was feeling a little nonchalant over her abuse and what she was going through. Maybe if we had more scenes with the kids or something I would have been able to feel more, but I just felt so detached from this story.
The romance was okay. Again, like The Five, the hero deserves better, but you can't help but love them for how much they care for the heroine and how devoted they are. The heroine in this wasn't my favorite. I know she is pretty messed up, but again, I'm not sure how to really explain, but there was just something off about her and I can never really "feel" bad for her. Their chemistry together wasn't really that well done. I felt more coming for the hero, but I never really felt like the heroine loved him. And when they get back together, it was like the past 20 years didn't exist and they just fell back in routine, which I didn't care for. I needed more tension or something.
Everything was also too rushed. The romance was too rushed, the abuse was a bit glossed over, the whole coming to clarity and resolution part was waaayyyy too rushed, and then when they finally get their happy ending, it was just in a couple pages. Like really? They go through all that, just to finish it off and be lovey dovey in a couple pages? I needed a longer revenge for sure, but I really needed some emotional aftermath or something, maybe them trying to rebuild their lives. After all those years in prison, and all the abuse suffered we just get a couple of pages of them being a normal couple, with a cliche ending. I felt like the end was a total cop out to just get the story over with.
Overall, this was just an okay story. I was close to DNFing at one point but I pushed through, and I never felt satisfied or that justice was fully done, so I might as well have DNFed. This book felt like a watered down version of The Five, and I wasn't liking that at all. Even though this was a miss for me, I will still definitely be reading more works by Lily.
Some OW drama/sex, a lot of OM drama/sex/rape scenes on screen and off, but all in the flashbacks, and the MCs are completely celibate during long separation. The OW part didn't necessarily make me mad seeing as the heroine was treating him horribly, and doing it back to him worse. He probably wouldn't have done it though if he knew all the circumstances. Very similar to The Five.
MILD SPOILERS
So, this was just an okay book. The only other book I've read by this author was The Five, which I LOVED, but I felt like there were too many similarities between this book and that book for me to fully enjoy this one.
The story was a bit too choppy, and the flashbacks didn't flow as well as they did in The Five though. The pacing was also just a bit off, and I felt as if something was missing from this story. Maybe an emotional aspect? Yes the heroine was abused all of her life and you "felt" for her, but I think her emotions weren't portrayed that well so I was feeling a little nonchalant over her abuse and what she was going through. Maybe if we had more scenes with the kids or something I would have been able to feel more, but I just felt so detached from this story.
The romance was okay. Again, like The Five, the hero deserves better, but you can't help but love them for how much they care for the heroine and how devoted they are. The heroine in this wasn't my favorite. I know she is pretty messed up, but again, I'm not sure how to really explain, but there was just something off about her and I can never really "feel" bad for her. Their chemistry together wasn't really that well done. I felt more coming for the hero, but I never really felt like the heroine loved him. And when they get back together, it was like the past 20 years didn't exist and they just fell back in routine, which I didn't care for. I needed more tension or something.
Everything was also too rushed. The romance was too rushed, the abuse was a bit glossed over, the whole coming to clarity and resolution part was waaayyyy too rushed, and then when they finally get their happy ending, it was just in a couple pages. Like really? They go through all that, just to finish it off and be lovey dovey in a couple pages? I needed a longer revenge for sure, but I really needed some emotional aftermath or something, maybe them trying to rebuild their lives. After all those years in prison, and all the abuse suffered we just get a couple of pages of them being a normal couple, with a cliche ending. I felt like the end was a total cop out to just get the story over with.
Overall, this was just an okay story. I was close to DNFing at one point but I pushed through, and I never felt satisfied or that justice was fully done, so I might as well have DNFed. This book felt like a watered down version of The Five, and I wasn't liking that at all. Even though this was a miss for me, I will still definitely be reading more works by Lily.
Some OW drama/sex, a lot of OM drama/sex/rape scenes on screen and off, but all in the flashbacks, and the MCs are completely celibate during long separation. The OW part didn't necessarily make me mad seeing as the heroine was treating him horribly, and doing it back to him worse. He probably wouldn't have done it though if he knew all the circumstances. Very similar to The Five.
December 24, 2020
4.5 ★
Ensley Bennett was born into a situation she couldn’t escape. Bearing so much responsibility and the brunt of an abusive mother, Ensley tried to do the best she could to protect her loved ones. Isolated due to her circumstances, Ensley absorbed all the pain on her own until Noah Carter became her friend and source of comfort.
Told in dual POV shifting between past and present, the plot steadily develops revealing the bleakness of Ensley’s situation. With writing that sharply builds layers of heartache and pain, Ensley has nowhere to turn until all she knows is taken from her. However, the truth may be the most painful of all.
Ensley is a character that made my chest hurt because she is willing to sacrifice so much of herself despite the consequences. Noah warmed my heart from the beginning with his kindness and unconditional friendship with Ensley. Their story is damaged, but it’s also the only way they know how to survive it.
In the Garden of Discontent is a dark romance offering a uncompromising story about sacrifice and the search for truth.
*An ARC was provided in exchange for an honest review.*
*This was a (F)BR with Twinsie Hawkey!*
Ensley Bennett was born into a situation she couldn’t escape. Bearing so much responsibility and the brunt of an abusive mother, Ensley tried to do the best she could to protect her loved ones. Isolated due to her circumstances, Ensley absorbed all the pain on her own until Noah Carter became her friend and source of comfort.
“Give me your pain, Ensley, and I’ll carry it for you.”
Told in dual POV shifting between past and present, the plot steadily develops revealing the bleakness of Ensley’s situation. With writing that sharply builds layers of heartache and pain, Ensley has nowhere to turn until all she knows is taken from her. However, the truth may be the most painful of all.
“I knew she’d gone to that place inside her, a deep belly darkness where she stuffed things away she didn’t want to acknowledge.”
Ensley is a character that made my chest hurt because she is willing to sacrifice so much of herself despite the consequences. Noah warmed my heart from the beginning with his kindness and unconditional friendship with Ensley. Their story is damaged, but it’s also the only way they know how to survive it.
In the Garden of Discontent is a dark romance offering a uncompromising story about sacrifice and the search for truth.
*An ARC was provided in exchange for an honest review.*
*This was a (F)BR with Twinsie Hawkey!*
November 10, 2021
5 stars
What an amazing book. Ensley grew up leading a terrible life. She had a horrible mother who made her raise her 3 siblings from the age of 10. Some of her story was hard to read at times. The way a mother could treat her daughter was absolutely vile.
Ensleys only reprieve was her neighbour Noah. They formed a bond from the moment they met as children. Noah promising he’d never let her go no matter what.
Ensleys mother making her teenage years a nightmare to the point where she lost herself. Noah unaware of how her mother was really treating her and her siblings. He still never gave up on her.
This is a very sad, emotional hard to put down and also hard to read at times. Still worth reading. I didn’t guess the ending but it was a journey. This book will pull at all your heart strings.
Lots of triggers in this book just to warn.Lily White sure can write an emotional book.
What an amazing book. Ensley grew up leading a terrible life. She had a horrible mother who made her raise her 3 siblings from the age of 10. Some of her story was hard to read at times. The way a mother could treat her daughter was absolutely vile.
Ensleys only reprieve was her neighbour Noah. They formed a bond from the moment they met as children. Noah promising he’d never let her go no matter what.
Ensleys mother making her teenage years a nightmare to the point where she lost herself. Noah unaware of how her mother was really treating her and her siblings. He still never gave up on her.
This is a very sad, emotional hard to put down and also hard to read at times. Still worth reading. I didn’t guess the ending but it was a journey. This book will pull at all your heart strings.
Lots of triggers in this book just to warn.Lily White sure can write an emotional book.
May 11, 2020
4.5★★★★Stars
Genre:
Dark Romance
Type:
Standalone
POV:
First Person - Dual
"The truth had been buried beneath the ground in the garden we created, a strip of land poisoned by sorrow while beautiful for the flowers I planted."
Ensley Bennett’s meets Noah Carter when she was barely ten years old. At that young age no child should ever have to feel the way she already had in so many short years, except she had more damaged to come. In the midst of her sorrow and pain and dark childhood she meets this boy that will mean everything to her.
"We're all just roadmaps of thoughts and emotions, memories and forgotten wishes. Our jagged edges are softened only by the masks we wear to disguise our truth."
Noah Carter has a bright future ahead of him but he loved Ensley so much he was bound to save her. What he didn't know was that some thing are just too broken to be saved. Their story just hurts so damn much.
"We were connected, the two of us, by invisible strings that were unbreakable over time or distance or heartache. We were unbreakable together, bound by a lifetime of promises and secrets."
I absolutely loved how this story, I always enjoy books that make me feel so much in so little time. I had so many emotions while reading this book. Mostly I was upset, angry, hurt, sad, but I was so disgusted with one particular character. Overall, In the garden of discontent was a brutal, raw, dark and crazy story about survival. Readers who enjoy disturbing topics will find this story appealing.
...This was a F(BR) with CC & War...
For more reviews/reveals/giveaways visit:
July 29, 2020
This book was extremely sad. My hearts broke for Ensley, I don’t understand how a mother could treat their child like this and I never would . Noah as just amazing, I love how he never gave up on her.
February 23, 2020
“Run to me…”
The story of Noah Mason Carter and Ensley Aimee Bennett was just utterly heartbreaking and I keep telling myself this is fiction. Because this is not how a child's life should be.
While Noah was loved by his mother who took great care of him, Ensley's was the total opposite.
“Worry of the past brings depression. Worry of the future brings anxiety. Only worry about the now.”
Albeit fabricated, the personages of Noah and Ensley will be with you. Their journeys through life will make you realise how lucky you are and maybe even will make you open your eyes and wonder about the little girl or boy next door or in your classroom.
And let's hope you'll encounter not one child that's having that poignant and evocative life while desperately trying to be a child.
I love reading Lily White's story, she always manages to bring you to your knees, with her witty writing and devious turns.
“If you stay...”
“I stay.”
January 28, 2020
* Beta Read *
In The Garden of Discontent was another fabulous Lily White story. Like White's previous stories it was dark and edgy but I found this story to also be quite emotional and touching. Noah and Ensley were so raw and provocative. Their pain was palpable and their bond everlasting. This was one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read!
This story was very very real and almost traumatic at points as White does an amazing job highlighting Ensley and Noah's tumultuous and brutal love story. But what I loved more than anything was the feeling of hope prevalent throughout the story. There was pain and violence but there was also a timeless love story between two people who defied the odds and persevered. I know this story will stay with me for an long time! 5 stars! ~Ratula
In The Garden of Discontent was another fabulous Lily White story. Like White's previous stories it was dark and edgy but I found this story to also be quite emotional and touching. Noah and Ensley were so raw and provocative. Their pain was palpable and their bond everlasting. This was one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read!
This story was very very real and almost traumatic at points as White does an amazing job highlighting Ensley and Noah's tumultuous and brutal love story. But what I loved more than anything was the feeling of hope prevalent throughout the story. There was pain and violence but there was also a timeless love story between two people who defied the odds and persevered. I know this story will stay with me for an long time! 5 stars! ~Ratula
December 15, 2020
This was such an emotionally provoking read. I felt their mutual pain. It will be a book I think about over the years as it definitely makes an impact.
Ensley's life was nothing but pain and sacrifice. Her only bright spot was him. Her best friend, Noah was her safe haven. The only place she could just be and feel safe...until the night her whole life fell apart.
Noah loved her from the very beginning. All he has ever wanted was her. She always knew she would destroy him and then she did.
Their story is heart-wrenching and will utterly devastate you. This friends-to-lovers romantic suspense was unforgettable and filled with raw emotion. It is not for the faint of heart, but it is definitely worth the heartache.
Ensley's life was nothing but pain and sacrifice. Her only bright spot was him. Her best friend, Noah was her safe haven. The only place she could just be and feel safe...until the night her whole life fell apart.
Noah loved her from the very beginning. All he has ever wanted was her. She always knew she would destroy him and then she did.
Their story is heart-wrenching and will utterly devastate you. This friends-to-lovers romantic suspense was unforgettable and filled with raw emotion. It is not for the faint of heart, but it is definitely worth the heartache.
April 5, 2020
3.5 ⭐'s
This is my first book by this author and while I enjoyed her writing, IF I decide to read another of her stories I will definitely make sure to check out the reviews more or at least pay heed to her warnings.
Noah and Ensley meet when they are 11 and 10 years old and Noah moves in next door. Noah is smitten right from the get-go but he has no idea what he's getting into.
Ensley's life is not easy to say the least. She is basically the mother to her three younger siblings. Her mother is a witch and treats them horribly, barely feeding and clothing them. The ONLY time she is somewhat nice is when their father is home which is not often.
As they grow up, Ensley's mother becomes even more abusive and does the unthinkable. Then she thrusts Ensley into a lifestyle that is horrific. Ensley's only safe place is with Noah.
Unfortunately, she becomes distant from Noah and can't confide in him what she is going through which only drives him crazier.
And as if that wasn't enough, the worst possible thing happens driving a wedge of all wedges between Noah and Ensley.
The book fluctuates back and forth between the past and the present. Ensley's present life is very predictable but she's barely hanging on. Noah changes all that.
This book was a hard read. I just have a hard time when horrible things keep happening one on top of the other. It's sooo depressing. The only bright spot in the story is Noah.
However, the author's style of writing was amazing and she drew me in even when I didn't like the subject matter. I will definitely be checking out her other works.
This is my first book by this author and while I enjoyed her writing, IF I decide to read another of her stories I will definitely make sure to check out the reviews more or at least pay heed to her warnings.
Noah and Ensley meet when they are 11 and 10 years old and Noah moves in next door. Noah is smitten right from the get-go but he has no idea what he's getting into.
Ensley's life is not easy to say the least. She is basically the mother to her three younger siblings. Her mother is a witch and treats them horribly, barely feeding and clothing them. The ONLY time she is somewhat nice is when their father is home which is not often.
As they grow up, Ensley's mother becomes even more abusive and does the unthinkable. Then she thrusts Ensley into a lifestyle that is horrific. Ensley's only safe place is with Noah.
Unfortunately, she becomes distant from Noah and can't confide in him what she is going through which only drives him crazier.
And as if that wasn't enough, the worst possible thing happens driving a wedge of all wedges between Noah and Ensley.
The book fluctuates back and forth between the past and the present. Ensley's present life is very predictable but she's barely hanging on. Noah changes all that.
This book was a hard read. I just have a hard time when horrible things keep happening one on top of the other. It's sooo depressing. The only bright spot in the story is Noah.
However, the author's style of writing was amazing and she drew me in even when I didn't like the subject matter. I will definitely be checking out her other works.
May 31, 2020
DNF 67%. I’m pissed I read this much. Yeah it’s dark and twisted, but I was holding onto Noah being “true” despite the shit.
Ensley, yeah tough life babe, but that doesn’t give u right to hurt the only goos thing in ur life no matter what. So u suck bitch. Hate u.
Noah, for f*cking sakes grow a pair. Why the hell would u EVER love someone like screwed up Ensley??? No reason other than obsessive much?
And then u had to ruin ur devoted angel routine by f*cking another girl (yeah she’s done MANY more guys, but still, u ruined it for me)
CAN’T STAND CHEATING, CAN NOT STAND IT. SO WHEN BOTH MCS CHEAT LIKE VIVIDLY DETAILEF CHEAT, AM DONE WITH THIS BOOK AND THIS AUTHOR AND WILL NEVER LOOK BACK!!!!!
Ensley, yeah tough life babe, but that doesn’t give u right to hurt the only goos thing in ur life no matter what. So u suck bitch. Hate u.
Noah, for f*cking sakes grow a pair. Why the hell would u EVER love someone like screwed up Ensley??? No reason other than obsessive much?
And then u had to ruin ur devoted angel routine by f*cking another girl (yeah she’s done MANY more guys, but still, u ruined it for me)
CAN’T STAND CHEATING, CAN NOT STAND IT. SO WHEN BOTH MCS CHEAT LIKE VIVIDLY DETAILEF CHEAT, AM DONE WITH THIS BOOK AND THIS AUTHOR AND WILL NEVER LOOK BACK!!!!!
February 22, 2020
An at times difficult read, jam packed with abuse, helplessness, neglect and misery.
This is more "psychological Lily" than "dark Lily", an into the pits of hell mix of both. Please don't ignore the warnings on this one!
This is one of those books that frequently switches between past and present, though it's always made clear both WHEN you are and who's point of view you were getting. The story is built mainly from the flashbacks, and I must admit I did struggle a little bit around 35% or so. I came close to skimming this because I was just getting a little frustrated, wanting to get somewhere in the now. However I set it aside and when I picked it back up the next day I couldn't put the book down, so it was either me in an off mood or the story started moving in a way I needed it to. It doesn't matter to much which one it was because after that I just couldn't put this down.
I really, really, REALLY didn't care for Noah at first, but as I saw the pain and misery he had willingly endured as a child/teen my feelings did a total 180 flip. And then I had to avoid thinking too much about the years he had spent in prison because that just broke my heart and crushed my mind.
He was the firm anchor that held Ensley's sanity in place whilst her body and soul were battered by the storms and terrors of her life. She lived in a miserable pit of hell, let down by the very people who should have protected her. To be honest I didn't care either way if Noah had killed her parents, they didn't deserve any kindness.
There were so many things that could potentially make you dislike Ensley, her decisions, her secrets, her refusal to ask for or accept help. But at the end of the day we have to remember that she was a child, a victim of neglect and abuse, a girl who survived the best way she could and who wanted more for Noah. He was the best thing, the only thing of joy in her life, and because she loved him she wanted to set him free.
God this isn't an easy read, and you'll find yourself both loving every word whilst hating them. Hating the evil, the pain, the suffering but loving Ensley and Noah, two survivors who just never gave up.
This book made The Five seem quite sweet and light by comparison. Don't say you haven't been warned, but DO give this a chance if you love a dark, psychological romance.
This is more "psychological Lily" than "dark Lily", an into the pits of hell mix of both. Please don't ignore the warnings on this one!
This is one of those books that frequently switches between past and present, though it's always made clear both WHEN you are and who's point of view you were getting. The story is built mainly from the flashbacks, and I must admit I did struggle a little bit around 35% or so. I came close to skimming this because I was just getting a little frustrated, wanting to get somewhere in the now. However I set it aside and when I picked it back up the next day I couldn't put the book down, so it was either me in an off mood or the story started moving in a way I needed it to. It doesn't matter to much which one it was because after that I just couldn't put this down.
"I love you, Ensley Bennett."
My teeth slammed together, and I screamed, a noise tearing from my throat that has been stuck there since I was a kid.
I really, really, REALLY didn't care for Noah at first, but as I saw the pain and misery he had willingly endured as a child/teen my feelings did a total 180 flip. And then I had to avoid thinking too much about the years he had spent in prison because that just broke my heart and crushed my mind.
Our pain had raised the boy, but prison had shaped the man.
He was the firm anchor that held Ensley's sanity in place whilst her body and soul were battered by the storms and terrors of her life. She lived in a miserable pit of hell, let down by the very people who should have protected her. To be honest I didn't care either way if Noah had killed her parents, they didn't deserve any kindness.
There were so many things that could potentially make you dislike Ensley, her decisions, her secrets, her refusal to ask for or accept help. But at the end of the day we have to remember that she was a child, a victim of neglect and abuse, a girl who survived the best way she could and who wanted more for Noah. He was the best thing, the only thing of joy in her life, and because she loved him she wanted to set him free.
Noah had owned me since the moment he watched me from his window and called out to me the first time. I may not have known it then, but I knew it now, and was a better woman for it, his name was chiseled over every bone and branded on every organ.
I was his.
In body. In mind. And in spirit.
God this isn't an easy read, and you'll find yourself both loving every word whilst hating them. Hating the evil, the pain, the suffering but loving Ensley and Noah, two survivors who just never gave up.
He never stopped loving me.
Not when we were kids.
Not while he was locked away.
Not tonight.
And I just cried, the sobs shaking every part of me.
His arms a cage that kept me safe.
This book made The Five seem quite sweet and light by comparison. Don't say you haven't been warned, but DO give this a chance if you love a dark, psychological romance.
Noah's mouth was next to my ear, a gritty whisper dragging me back, his erection rubbing between my legs.
"I loved you every time you couldn't love yourself. Every time you hurt me. Every time you ran away."
Still, he whispered, the words a low growl from how hard he f**ked me. "I love you, Ensley."
Another thrust, the slap of skin.
"Always have."
Another. "Always will."
February 19, 2020
A savage love! Heart-devouring and All-consuming tale from start to finish! Prepare your heart and your headboard.
"This is the beginning of my story, or the end, depending on how you look at it."
I just love how Lily White spins a dark romance, it's never what you'd expect. Noah! Noah! NOAH! These pages are sharp, you'll definitely get a paper cut while reading, probably bleed a little, too. This story is rough and gritty, everything I love about dark couplings. And let's not forget how Lily White does it, with uncomfortable tension. Jaw dropping moments, an hazy journey of what ifs and shrouded indecision. Ensley and Noah will probably leave you with some tears, I'm not gonna lie, I watered up at the end. Don't tell anyone, don't want to ruin my rep. This story took me back to The Five, one of my favorites from White. She really knows how to describe the bleakness that most would never comprehend, or understand. My chest felt like it was on fire.
"We were connected, the two of us, by invisible strings that were unbreakable over time or distance or heartache. We were unbreakable together, bound by a lifetime of promises and secrets."
And with all the broken pieces and jagged edges come an unwavering love. It's savage and brutal and darkly beautiful! I was surprised this wasn't on the darker side, but I think the story was written with the two main characters as the main focus, their connection. Don't get me wrong, there's some triggers that could arise, and nothing is easy as far as Noah and Ensley are concerned. But if you're like me, I DEMAND all the ugly, especially in my romances.
“That’s right, Ens. Make it hurt. Just like you always have. Make it hurt so fucking much that I carry more scars because of you.”
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND FOR DARK ROMANCE READERS!
"This is the beginning of my story, or the end, depending on how you look at it."
I just love how Lily White spins a dark romance, it's never what you'd expect. Noah! Noah! NOAH! These pages are sharp, you'll definitely get a paper cut while reading, probably bleed a little, too. This story is rough and gritty, everything I love about dark couplings. And let's not forget how Lily White does it, with uncomfortable tension. Jaw dropping moments, an hazy journey of what ifs and shrouded indecision. Ensley and Noah will probably leave you with some tears, I'm not gonna lie, I watered up at the end. Don't tell anyone, don't want to ruin my rep. This story took me back to The Five, one of my favorites from White. She really knows how to describe the bleakness that most would never comprehend, or understand. My chest felt like it was on fire.
"We were connected, the two of us, by invisible strings that were unbreakable over time or distance or heartache. We were unbreakable together, bound by a lifetime of promises and secrets."
And with all the broken pieces and jagged edges come an unwavering love. It's savage and brutal and darkly beautiful! I was surprised this wasn't on the darker side, but I think the story was written with the two main characters as the main focus, their connection. Don't get me wrong, there's some triggers that could arise, and nothing is easy as far as Noah and Ensley are concerned. But if you're like me, I DEMAND all the ugly, especially in my romances.
“That’s right, Ens. Make it hurt. Just like you always have. Make it hurt so fucking much that I carry more scars because of you.”
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND FOR DARK ROMANCE READERS!
February 21, 2020
This, by far, is one of the best books i have ever read!
22 years ago a vicious murder has happened - the murderer is spending a life time sentence in prison or is he? this book has so many twists and so many revelations it kept my head spinning and took my breath away!
Ensley is now 39, she is post traumatic, she is obsessed about time, has a fixed scheduled and spends her life in a zombie-like condition, not dead but than not really alive. constantly on the move, not a minute to think - about herself or about what happened.
Noah was her soul mate growing up, he was her rock, her love, the barer of her pains and he murdered all her family. OR DID HE? because Noah never said anything. only now he claims he is innocent. but why than did he say nothing on his trial? why is he talking now, and what is he talking about. he takes her on a journey -at first she is unwilling but than everything changes and she wants to know - what is it that she doesn't remember? why does she not remember? who killed her family and why? why was information kept from her? and she will not stop until she finds out and get justice because Ensley without Noah is numb but with him she remembers how and how to not let go, how to fight, how to live and how to love.
the story is from Ensley and Noah pov and it runs backwards to the past and than comes back to the present constantly and so fast leaving you with literally no breath - i had to stop a few times just to grasp what i was reading
and mind you - it is not an easy book to read - the poverty and neglection they grew up in, the pain, what they went through, Ensley's monstrous mother and what she put her through and made her endure, child neglecting and the personality it gave her, the despair...
and still !!!!!!!! it is a love story for all that happened and all they went through Noah never lost hope. he never stopped loving and he never stopped looking for ways to make her life just a little better, a light spot in all the darkness - to be her rock and safe haven and you never stop with him
for it is a book about strong spirit, that even if everything is dark, just one person who believes in you, that loves you and accepts you for what you truly are no matter what you have to do to survive is everything. it is the world!!!
What Noah wants is for her to remember, for her to face the truth, to move on and to love him. what he truly wants is for her to be able to love herself and understand that she deserves to be loved!
it is a book about sacrifices we make for the ones we love no matter how much it hurts, even if that make us pay dearly. it is a book about love and willingness to stand for those we love. it is a book about persistence and triumph and it is a book about hope.
The title is just brilliant!!!!
"IF YOU GO.....I GO"
"IF YOU STAY.....I STAY"
** i received an arc copy of the book for an honest review
March 14, 2020
MILD SPOILER
I feel like this book had so much potential but still I didn’t get the feels like meh and I think it’s just me.
How could she forgive Noah so fast when she blamed him for murder of her family for almost twenty years??
And why Noah didn’t say shitt in the court??
Plus, I didn’t get sad and all considering the scenes in the book.
TRIGGER WARNING: THERE IS ABUSE.
I feel like this book had so much potential but still I didn’t get the feels like meh and I think it’s just me.
How could she forgive Noah so fast when she blamed him for murder of her family for almost twenty years??
And why Noah didn’t say shitt in the court??
Plus, I didn’t get sad and all considering the scenes in the book.
TRIGGER WARNING: THERE IS ABUSE.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 20, 2020
This was supposed to be sad, it supposed to make me feel angry about life and about idiotic parents, but unfortunately, there were moments when it bored me. I was not interested to read about how they drove from city to city and about things like flowers and leaves and pebbles and whatever.
The story was interesting, about broken families and broken lives, abuse and heartbreak. Noah and Ensley lost each other because of the circumstances and they found each other despite the circumstances.
The story was interesting, about broken families and broken lives, abuse and heartbreak. Noah and Ensley lost each other because of the circumstances and they found each other despite the circumstances.
November 3, 2021
Good Lord, I’m drained. This must be one of the hardest reviews I will ever write. But here I go.
To get thru this book I had to skip some chapters and pages, take breaks when things were becoming unbearable so I could catch up my breath. Words just can't express how overwhelmed I was. It’s just that the subject matter was all to real and it made this such an emotionally provoking read. It made my heart begged me for mercy more often than not.
This was by far one of the hardest and most painful dark romances I’ve ever run across! But also one of the best!
I didn’t agree with certain things if I’m being honest but a part of me knows that if they hadn’t been done exactly that way, the dynamic of the story would not have been as strong. So I respected and understood that.
I also need to talk about Noah here. He was just the most devoted hero I've ever come across. Never seen a boy loves so fiercely and so unconditionally. So much that sometimes he came across as a doormat where Ensley was concerned, but that was not it. He just knew that she needed him. And unconditionally he gave himself to her so she could use him to get through the hell that was her life. And these moments were the most painful ones to read in the book, yet the most beautiful too.
This author really knows how to describe the bleakness that most would never comprehend, or understand. But I do.
Unfortunately, Lily White is severely underrated in the book world and I don’t get it. She always gives you unusual, unique and never before read plots. And just when you think that you have it all figured out, this author gives you a plot twist that will prove you wrong. Really, hats off to you! 🙌🏻
But I won’t go crazy and say read this! Because I know it’s a difficult journey, a very painful one and not everyone will make it through. But if you can handle all the darkness there is in it, don’t hesitate. Buy it now and start it right away. Then come share your thoughts with me. This story will make an imprint on you just as it’s done on me.
To get thru this book I had to skip some chapters and pages, take breaks when things were becoming unbearable so I could catch up my breath. Words just can't express how overwhelmed I was. It’s just that the subject matter was all to real and it made this such an emotionally provoking read. It made my heart begged me for mercy more often than not.
This was by far one of the hardest and most painful dark romances I’ve ever run across! But also one of the best!
I didn’t agree with certain things if I’m being honest but a part of me knows that if they hadn’t been done exactly that way, the dynamic of the story would not have been as strong. So I respected and understood that.
I also need to talk about Noah here. He was just the most devoted hero I've ever come across. Never seen a boy loves so fiercely and so unconditionally. So much that sometimes he came across as a doormat where Ensley was concerned, but that was not it. He just knew that she needed him. And unconditionally he gave himself to her so she could use him to get through the hell that was her life. And these moments were the most painful ones to read in the book, yet the most beautiful too.
This author really knows how to describe the bleakness that most would never comprehend, or understand. But I do.
Unfortunately, Lily White is severely underrated in the book world and I don’t get it. She always gives you unusual, unique and never before read plots. And just when you think that you have it all figured out, this author gives you a plot twist that will prove you wrong. Really, hats off to you! 🙌🏻
But I won’t go crazy and say read this! Because I know it’s a difficult journey, a very painful one and not everyone will make it through. But if you can handle all the darkness there is in it, don’t hesitate. Buy it now and start it right away. Then come share your thoughts with me. This story will make an imprint on you just as it’s done on me.
August 8, 2020
This is one of the books that long after you have finished you still think about. There were those little pieces of their stories that you reanalyze to see if maybe you missed something. A mix between a harrowing past and a heart-pounding present our characters navigate this story. Ensley is a broken woman. Her past is made-up of nightmares and heartbreak. Her future is a place in which she is stuck. Stuck in time, watching the time slip away until she moves onto her next task. Until one day her carefully planned life is interrupted by the one person who shouldn’t be there.
Noah was the boy next door who tried everything he could to take away Ensley’s pain and sadness. He was going places but he wouldn’t go without Ensley, if only it were that simple. Unable to stand up for himself he finds himself spending over two decades in a place he should never have been and now he is back to get the answers he so desperately needs. But who needs them more, he or Ensley?
This book was tough, there was so much darkness and soul-breaking situations that I found myself searching for any glimmer of light. There were some, but not many. The book was like an intricate puzzle and while our two characters were searching for answers so was the reader. I found myself chopping at the bit to find out what happened that night, I needed answers, I needed to know who caused this madness. The answers didn’t all lie in their garden but somewhere in those secrets they at least found closure.
This was an experience for sure; dark, gritty, jaw-dropping and more.
February 20, 2020
"Are you stuck in your head today, Ensley? We've talked about this. You're revisiting the past, aren't you? What have we said about that?"
Screammss...Yesss Ensley...what have we said about that?? lol OMG you know when you read a Lily White book you are always in for such a treat with her effed up characters!!! doin the happy dance lol
"I considered calling the cops and leading them to that damn...…….." Nope..nope...NOPE, YOU have to read the book to find out the rest of that sentence...lol Just writing my review is bringing back soooo many memories of this read...dang...I think I need to do a re-read all ready..lol
I finished Lily White's newest release, In The Garden of Discontent a few days ago and I'm still thinking about it!!
I believe I'm a bit messed up about it!! Lol
My mind keeps saying .."What the Hell is going on in that authors mind" Tricia Bartley?? Why do you love her sooo much Tricia Bartley?? haha You know why Tricia Bartley...cuzz you a bit cray cray in the head as well...lol
Sighs..then I remember who I am talking about and get a big ole smile on my face and go stalk her Facebook page and see when her next dark book is coming out!! xoxo @Lily White!!!!
My mind is so messed up after this one!!
Another 5 OMG Stars read!! I.CAN.NOT.GET.ENOUGH!!!
Screammss...Yesss Ensley...what have we said about that?? lol OMG you know when you read a Lily White book you are always in for such a treat with her effed up characters!!! doin the happy dance lol
"I considered calling the cops and leading them to that damn...…….." Nope..nope...NOPE, YOU have to read the book to find out the rest of that sentence...lol Just writing my review is bringing back soooo many memories of this read...dang...I think I need to do a re-read all ready..lol
I finished Lily White's newest release, In The Garden of Discontent a few days ago and I'm still thinking about it!!
I believe I'm a bit messed up about it!! Lol
My mind keeps saying .."What the Hell is going on in that authors mind" Tricia Bartley?? Why do you love her sooo much Tricia Bartley?? haha You know why Tricia Bartley...cuzz you a bit cray cray in the head as well...lol
Sighs..then I remember who I am talking about and get a big ole smile on my face and go stalk her Facebook page and see when her next dark book is coming out!! xoxo @Lily White!!!!
My mind is so messed up after this one!!
Another 5 OMG Stars read!! I.CAN.NOT.GET.ENOUGH!!!
February 13, 2020
”There was nothing in the world, and no person in existence, that could ever force me to let her go.”
This book... I devoured. Lily has the ability to write such intricate and twisted stories that I fall so deep into them every time. In the Garden of Discontent was no different for me. It’s was gripping, heart wrenching, dark and even beautiful.
Noah. Noah. Perfect Noah. I loved his character so f*cking much. He was so good, protective and loving. Ensley was aggravating, but I also liked her. She endured so much pain that I don’t know even know how she went on day to day.
This book will take you on a painful journey, but it’s so worth it!
Lily White, you never fail to deliver a fantastic story! This is one of my favorites that I’ve read by you so far. Loved every minute of it!
This book... I devoured. Lily has the ability to write such intricate and twisted stories that I fall so deep into them every time. In the Garden of Discontent was no different for me. It’s was gripping, heart wrenching, dark and even beautiful.
Noah. Noah. Perfect Noah. I loved his character so f*cking much. He was so good, protective and loving. Ensley was aggravating, but I also liked her. She endured so much pain that I don’t know even know how she went on day to day.
This book will take you on a painful journey, but it’s so worth it!
Lily White, you never fail to deliver a fantastic story! This is one of my favorites that I’ve read by you so far. Loved every minute of it!
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