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298 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 25, 2019
I want you to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.
“You never forgot me,” I whisper.
“How could I forget you? You’re the other half of me.”
“I assume once I’m better, I’m out of here. And depending on when that is, it’ll be going against my plan.”
I take another large sip of my wine. “What plan is that?”
“Winning you back.”
“You were always the best thing in my life, Olivia Clarke.”
“You and me, remember? There will never be anyone else again.”
“The only reason you say it’s not fair is because you can’t remember. It doesn’t mean shit, Bennett. It was still you. You’re not a different person. You’re still the man that broke my heart.”
“No. Nothing can change the past. But you can change the present. You can do better for the future. There’s no room for pride in love, Olivia. Marrying someone is the most humble act. You’re promising to put another person first. Sometimes even before yourself. I can’t make you do something you don’t want to do. But I can empower you to make the choice you want to make but are too afraid to.”
"Love really isn’t enough."
"I can’t believe I let you go. I know I’ve said it a million times while I’ve been alive, but maybe it means something in death. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry that I broke you. Broke us. I love you so much. Till death do us part, right? I’m waiting for you on the other side. Maybe we can try this again in the afterlife?"
"Being married to Olivia Clarke has been the greatest adventure of my life..."

I was devastated over losing Olivia and Amanda was there. She let me use her to try and fill the void. It was wrong and stupid and pathetic, and it happened way fewer times than I’m sure Olivia imagines, but I was drowning in self-loathing and pity and frustration as well as still mourning our miscarriages and I just wanted a moment where I didn’t hate myself or my life.
Amanda did provide that moment of peace.
Before the shame that came with sleeping with her overwhelmed me further.


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“...living with regret is tough, Olivia. Trust me when I say that. It’s a pain that is so deep in your soul that you can’t ever be free from it. You fall asleep with it, wake up with it, and then it haunts your every waking second. It changes the way you see yourself in the mirror. The way you interact with other people. The way you talk to yourself. It’s a lonely, self-deprecating feeling that preys on your mind and your heart and it never goes away.”
“I don’t deserve you, Olivia, but I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying.”