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Talk Dirty to Me
We live in a world in which almost every public image—every interaction—carries an element of sexual desire. And yet it is nearly impossible for us to talk openly and honestly about sex. Talk Dirty to Me is author Sallie Tisdale's frank, funny, and provocative invitation to the conversation we've been waiting for—but have been too afraid to start.
Sallie Tisdale shuns the dry style of academics and takes us on a journey through gender and desire, romance and pornography, prostitution and morality, fantasies and orgasm. She guides us through her field research of peep shows, XXX stores, and even the pornography collection of the British Library. Interweaving her own personal feelings, experiences, and revelations, she presents a brilliant, fascinating, and wholly original portrait of sex and sexuality in America, while encouraging us to explore and create our own "intimate philosophies."
Sallie Tisdale shuns the dry style of academics and takes us on a journey through gender and desire, romance and pornography, prostitution and morality, fantasies and orgasm. She guides us through her field research of peep shows, XXX stores, and even the pornography collection of the British Library. Interweaving her own personal feelings, experiences, and revelations, she presents a brilliant, fascinating, and wholly original portrait of sex and sexuality in America, while encouraging us to explore and create our own "intimate philosophies."
366 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1994
55 people are currently reading
925 people want to read
About the author
Sallie Tisdale
29 books62 followersSallie Tisdale is the author of Talk Dirty to Me, Stepping Westward, and Women of the Way. She has received a Pushcart Prize, an NEA Fellowship, the James Phelan Literary Award, and was a Dorothy and Arthur Shoenfeldt Distinguished Writer of the year. Her work has appeared in Harper's, the New Yorker, and other publications.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
March 3, 2009
When I started reading this one I fairly devoured the book. However, it became clear to me early on that I shared a temperament that was not very similar to that of Tisdale's. I like sex, but I also like other things. I don't obsessively categorize my sexual fantasies, nor do I spend my time reading erotica just for the sake of reading erotica. I didn't go into this book expecting to be titillated; instead I was hoping for, as the book said, a philosophical approach to sex.
However, the entire book ended up being about Tisdale's philosophical approach to sex, and while I will give her props for being open-minded and sex-positive, there were a few ideas she put forth that hit a sour note with me. The one I remember most is her idea that prostitutes and sex workers perform a service of sexual healing. Nw, I don't doubt that there are some sex workers who do approach their work in this way. (After all, if there is one thing I've learned in my three decades on this planet, it's that anytime you generalize about a group of people, you are probably going to be wrong.) But I also don't doubt that there are some sex workers who look at their work as a job that happens to pay really well, and I also don't doubt that some sex workers do their job because they have no other choice.
If you are looking for an exploration of sex as it is in one woman's mind, than this is the book for you. If you are looking for something a bit more academic skip it.
However, the entire book ended up being about Tisdale's philosophical approach to sex, and while I will give her props for being open-minded and sex-positive, there were a few ideas she put forth that hit a sour note with me. The one I remember most is her idea that prostitutes and sex workers perform a service of sexual healing. Nw, I don't doubt that there are some sex workers who do approach their work in this way. (After all, if there is one thing I've learned in my three decades on this planet, it's that anytime you generalize about a group of people, you are probably going to be wrong.) But I also don't doubt that there are some sex workers who look at their work as a job that happens to pay really well, and I also don't doubt that some sex workers do their job because they have no other choice.
If you are looking for an exploration of sex as it is in one woman's mind, than this is the book for you. If you are looking for something a bit more academic skip it.
July 10, 2022
নারীর লিঙ্গ পরিচয়, যৌনতা, যৌন স্বাধীনতা, ইত্যাদি নিয়ে আরেকটি বই পড়লাম। খুব তথ্যের কচকচানি নয়, বরং ব্যাক্তিগত অভিজ্ঞিতা, সাক্ষাৎকার, এবং নিজেস্ব ভাবনাচিন্তার উপর নির্ভর করে লেখা। নন-অ্যাকাডেমিক বই, সুতরাং 'পলিটিক্যালি কারেক্ট' হওয়ার দায় স্যালির নেই। তাই, তিনি তার মতো করে দেখিয়েছেন যে যৌনতা এবং যৌনপেশা সম্মন্ধে আমরা যেরকম ভাবি, বাস্তব সবসময় সেরকম নাও হতে পারে।
সাধারণ ভাবে, পুরুষতান্ত্রিক সমাজে নারীকে কেবল যৌনতার উপাদান হিসেবে দেখা হয়, কিন্তু নারী স্বয়ং যৌনতা উপভোগ করলে তাকে সমাজ তৎক্ষনাৎ দেহোপজীবিনী তকমা লাগিয়ে দেওয়া হয়। এই ট্যাবু এবং সামাজিক দৃষ্টিভঙ্গিকে সরিয়ে রেখে যদি অনুসন্ধান করা যায়, তাহলে দেখা যাবে যে মহিলারাও মাস্টারবেশন এবং পর্ন উপভোগ করেন। (ন্যান্সি ফ্রাইডের বইগুলি তার চমৎকার সাক্ষ্য বহন করে।) এমনকি, যারা যৌনতা কে পেশা করছেন, তারা যে সবসময় ভিক্টিম তা নয়। তারা যৌনতাকেও উপভোগ করেন, এবং এই পেশায় যেহেতু অনেক কম সময়ে বেশি উপার্জন করা যায়, সেই জন্যও এসকর্ট বা জিগালোর পেশার আকর্ষণীয়। (প্রসঙ্গত, বেল দ্যা জুর বা ব্রুক ম্যাগনান্তির লেখা 'দ্যা ইন্টিমেট অ্যাডভেঞ্চার অফ আ লন্ডন কল গার্ল' বইটি এক্ষেত্রে স্মরণযোগ্য।) নেহাৎ পেশাটি যৌন সম্মন্ধীয়, সুতরাং সামাজিক ভাবেই তাকে ব্রাত্য করে রাখা হয়েছে। ব্রাত্য করে রাখার আরেকটি কারণ অবশ্যই আমাদের অন্তর্নিহিত ভয়। যৌনতাকে স্বীকার করা এবং স্বীকৃতি দেওয়ার ভয়।
সমাজকর্মীদের মতে যৌনপেশাকে আইনত স্বীকৃতি দিলেই বরং যৌনশোষনের অবসান ঘটানো সম্ভব। কিন্তু স্বীকৃতির প্রশ্নে একদল মানুষ মনে করেন যে আইনত স্বীকৃতি দিলেই হয়তো সব মেয়ে যৌনতা কে পেশা বানিয়ে ফেলবেন, এবং সমাজ-সংসার সব রসাতলে যাবে! বিভিন্ন দেশে যৌনপেশাকে ইতিমধ্যে আইনত স্বীকৃতি দেওয়া হয়েছে, কিন্তু সেখানেও আইনের সাহায্য চাইতে গেলেই প্রশাসন অন্যায় সুবিধা চায়, অত্যাচার করে। কারণ অবশ্যই ওই একই। কারণ পেশাটা যৌনপেশা! অর্থাৎ, কেবলমাত্র আইন যথেষ্ট নয়। সাথে সাথে যতক্ষণ না পর্যন্ত আমাদের সামাজিক চেতনা বদলাচ্ছে, আমরা ব্যাক্তি স্বাতন্ত্র্য, ব্যাক্তি অধিকার, এবং ব্যাক্তি স্বাধীনতাকে উপযুক্ত সম্মান দিতে শিখবো, ততক্ষণ পর্যন্ত এর বদল হবে না।
সবশেষে, এটাই বলা যায় যে, যৌনতা মানুষের অস্তিত্বের একটি অঙ্গাঙ্গী অংশ, ফলে, যৌনতার আনন্দকে স্বীকার করা এবং নারীর যৌনতাবোধকে স্বীকৃতি দেওয়া আখেরে মানুষের ব্যাক্তি স্বাধীনতাকে যথার্থ মান্যতা দেওয়ার জন্য অত্যন্ত প্রয়োজনীয় পদক্ষেপ। যৌনতা সম্মন্ধীয় মিথ এবং ট্যাবু ভেঙে বেরিয়ে এসে ব্যাক্তি স্বাধীনতাকে তুলে ধরার ক্ষেত্রে স্যালির বইটি একটি গুরুত্বপূর্ণ সংযোজন।
সাধারণ ভাবে, পুরুষতান্ত্রিক সমাজে নারীকে কেবল যৌনতার উপাদান হিসেবে দেখা হয়, কিন্তু নারী স্বয়ং যৌনতা উপভোগ করলে তাকে সমাজ তৎক্ষনাৎ দেহোপজীবিনী তকমা লাগিয়ে দেওয়া হয়। এই ট্যাবু এবং সামাজিক দৃষ্টিভঙ্গিকে সরিয়ে রেখে যদি অনুসন্ধান করা যায়, তাহলে দেখা যাবে যে মহিলারাও মাস্টারবেশন এবং পর্ন উপভোগ করেন। (ন্যান্সি ফ্রাইডের বইগুলি তার চমৎকার সাক্ষ্য বহন করে।) এমনকি, যারা যৌনতা কে পেশা করছেন, তারা যে সবসময় ভিক্টিম তা নয়। তারা যৌনতাকেও উপভোগ করেন, এবং এই পেশায় যেহেতু অনেক কম সময়ে বেশি উপার্জন করা যায়, সেই জন্যও এসকর্ট বা জিগালোর পেশার আকর্ষণীয়। (প্রসঙ্গত, বেল দ্যা জুর বা ব্রুক ম্যাগনান্তির লেখা 'দ্যা ইন্টিমেট অ্যাডভেঞ্চার অফ আ লন্ডন কল গার্ল' বইটি এক্ষেত্রে স্মরণযোগ্য।) নেহাৎ পেশাটি যৌন সম্মন্ধীয়, সুতরাং সামাজিক ভাবেই তাকে ব্রাত্য করে রাখা হয়েছে। ব্রাত্য করে রাখার আরেকটি কারণ অবশ্যই আমাদের অন্তর্নিহিত ভয়। যৌনতাকে স্বীকার করা এবং স্বীকৃতি দেওয়ার ভয়।
সমাজকর্মীদের মতে যৌনপেশাকে আইনত স্বীকৃতি দিলেই বরং যৌনশোষনের অবসান ঘটানো সম্ভব। কিন্তু স্বীকৃতির প্রশ্নে একদল মানুষ মনে করেন যে আইনত স্বীকৃতি দিলেই হয়তো সব মেয়ে যৌনতা কে পেশা বানিয়ে ফেলবেন, এবং সমাজ-সংসার সব রসাতলে যাবে! বিভিন্ন দেশে যৌনপেশাকে ইতিমধ্যে আইনত স্বীকৃতি দেওয়া হয়েছে, কিন্তু সেখানেও আইনের সাহায্য চাইতে গেলেই প্রশাসন অন্যায় সুবিধা চায়, অত্যাচার করে। কারণ অবশ্যই ওই একই। কারণ পেশাটা যৌনপেশা! অর্থাৎ, কেবলমাত্র আইন যথেষ্ট নয়। সাথে সাথে যতক্ষণ না পর্যন্ত আমাদের সামাজিক চেতনা বদলাচ্ছে, আমরা ব্যাক্তি স্বাতন্ত্র্য, ব্যাক্তি অধিকার, এবং ব্যাক্তি স্বাধীনতাকে উপযুক্ত সম্মান দিতে শিখবো, ততক্ষণ পর্যন্ত এর বদল হবে না।
সবশেষে, এটাই বলা যায় যে, যৌনতা মানুষের অস্তিত্বের একটি অঙ্গাঙ্গী অংশ, ফলে, যৌনতার আনন্দকে স্বীকার করা এবং নারীর যৌনতাবোধকে স্বীকৃতি দেওয়া আখেরে মানুষের ব্যাক্তি স্বাধীনতাকে যথার্থ মান্যতা দেওয়ার জন্য অত্যন্ত প্রয়োজনীয় পদক্ষেপ। যৌনতা সম্মন্ধীয় মিথ এবং ট্যাবু ভেঙে বেরিয়ে এসে ব্যাক্তি স্বাধীনতাকে তুলে ধরার ক্ষেত্রে স্যালির বইটি একটি গুরুত্বপূর্ণ সংযোজন।
December 17, 2009
This book kept saying things that ought to be obvious, but are not obvious to everyone. Sexuality is complicated. Individuals are complicated. Sex is good. Men and women are alike in some ways yet different in other ways. Cultures differ. 2 + 2 = 4. Please, make it stop.
The fact that by page 112 I was ready to throw the book across the room (I couldn't; I was on a plane at the time) means not that the author wrote a bad book but that I picked the wrong one for me. But jeez, I hated this thing.
The fact that by page 112 I was ready to throw the book across the room (I couldn't; I was on a plane at the time) means not that the author wrote a bad book but that I picked the wrong one for me. But jeez, I hated this thing.
February 27, 2024
Surprisingly thoughtful for its time (30 years ago), and yeah it made me h*rny a few times. Really rang true for me as a woman of the bisexual experience as well. Overall, an unexpected banger.
December 4, 2009
An interesting, personal philosophy of sex. So far I'm really enjoying this--Tisdale does overreach when it comes to the ubiquity of, say, how sexuality permeates life (not everybody experiences the world as such a fully sexual thing as others do), and I have some quibbles regarding how she discusses gender, but what a great book.
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This book is over 14 years old now, and in a way that adds to the fun in reading it. In one section, she talks about ever-expanding inclusion in so-called sexual revolution, and notes that the Lesbian and Gay Parades have just become Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Parades, and she hopes for the time when they will become Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Parades.
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Turns out this is one of those books that gets better as it goes along. Though there are a few things that make the book a little "dated" (specifically, her discussions of trans issues), by the time she gets to the end, this is a nice primer of culture and sexuality, at least from one person's perspective. The strength of the book is found in the personal stories Tisdale sprinkles throughout.
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This book is over 14 years old now, and in a way that adds to the fun in reading it. In one section, she talks about ever-expanding inclusion in so-called sexual revolution, and notes that the Lesbian and Gay Parades have just become Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Parades, and she hopes for the time when they will become Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Parades.
-------------------
Turns out this is one of those books that gets better as it goes along. Though there are a few things that make the book a little "dated" (specifically, her discussions of trans issues), by the time she gets to the end, this is a nice primer of culture and sexuality, at least from one person's perspective. The strength of the book is found in the personal stories Tisdale sprinkles throughout.
December 17, 2021
Given the title and subject matter, this book was surprisingly boring. It's a bunch of essays about sexuality. I guess I couldn't relate to them because they are from a female point of view. The book was about what turns people on but oddly didn't seem to have much if anything about talking dirty, which is something that turns people on. Although I say it is written from a female point of view, it is about turn-ons in the sense of lust/horniness. There was nothing in this book about love, even though many people, and especially women, are interested in making love with someone they love, but are not interested in, or say they are not interested in, sex purely for the sake of satisfying their lust.
February 5, 2024
This one took me a bit thru but I enjoyed!! I was skeptical because it was written in 1994, but Sallie is with it!!! Thankful for accessible work like this!
January 5, 2010
This book blew my mind. The author uses her own experiences with sexuality and people, interviews, literature and even history to open up a dialog about sex, gender and human sexuality. Each essay is separate but somehow blends seamlessly into the next essay so you can read one essay or all of them.
The only problem I found with this book was that it was difficult to read it around other people because I blushed so hard. It is very sexual and some of her descriptions left me breathless.
The other thing is that its not long enough. As I said its a series of essays and so each topic is covered artfully but not thoroughly and I found myself wanting to hunt the author down so I could discuss things in more detail.
I probably will read it again, glad I bought it rather than borrowing it from the library.
The only problem I found with this book was that it was difficult to read it around other people because I blushed so hard. It is very sexual and some of her descriptions left me breathless.
The other thing is that its not long enough. As I said its a series of essays and so each topic is covered artfully but not thoroughly and I found myself wanting to hunt the author down so I could discuss things in more detail.
I probably will read it again, glad I bought it rather than borrowing it from the library.
September 16, 2010
I liked this- very well-written and personal, and is just what it says- a philosophy. Very thought-provoking. I wish it was a bit more current (she wonders if there will be a day when there are gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender pride days. um yeah?) but the philosophy is still very relevant. Also, the last section seems a bit thrown together (all of the things she wanted to mention but couldn't figure out how to work into the overarching theme- oh, we can't forget S/M! Throw in phone sex while you're at it!) But a very provocative piece, overall.
March 9, 2009
A thorough, academic and philosophical book about sex. Well-researched and intelligently presented, Tisdale attempts to remain objective about this extremely broad topic. I think she covers all areas of major concern in our time very well. One of the most helpful books I have ever read.
December 8, 2012
Not the type of book I usually pick up, but it looked intriguing, since I like books about human behavior. This was a great read, an eye-opener on some levels, and helped me mature in my views on sexuality in our society. I would highly recommend it to anyone willing to challenge their own views and enter into a space of exploration and questioning.
January 22, 2009
i've been reading this forever, it's excellent. if i read books more often these days, i would have finished this in a week.
intellectual (without being snobby like a literary journal or some kinda crap) essays about sex and gender.
intellectual (without being snobby like a literary journal or some kinda crap) essays about sex and gender.
September 22, 2008
So interesting!!!
A must read for every sex-a-holic !!!
A must read for every sex-a-holic !!!
January 24, 2010
so far it's wonderful. An easy read and highly informative. If you enjot Eve Ensler, you will enjoy Sally Tisdale!!!
November 25, 2018
This is a series of essays on sex and desire and sexual politics, roughly arranged into four sections: Desire, Arousal, Climax, and Resolution. A lot of the things she says are things that I've thought before, only she articulates them better. I really liked this book and recommend it highly to anyone who enjoys intellectual discussions of sexuality.
June 29, 2018
cleaver, provocative and learned loads about Japanese sexual culture
Read
June 14, 2023I wish there was more anthropology and less personal anecdotes that veered off track. Interesting in a retrospective kind of way though
July 28, 2023
Very interesting. More philosophical than educational, which i didnt realize going in. Insightful, though
January 7, 2024
SEX IS REAL GREAT KEEP ON.
May 21, 2024
Fun and remarkably enlightened given its vintage.
August 8, 2012
This book caught my attention because it was pleasant to the touch, the cover had a smooth plasticized feel; the wordless cover featured a black and white photo of a hand holding a nectarine or a peach. I was intrigued when I found out that this was Sally Tisdale’s notorious book on pornography, and, based on the promises of the cover, I expected this to be a fascinating ride into a close examination of a societal taboo.
Alas! It was a tortuous journey along, and it led to the dreary and confined world of the author’s endless mind, her poring over herself and her beliefs that All is Well and Fine in the Land of Porn. Tisdale’s self-explorations of her reactions to pornography bored me to no end, but I persisted and doggedly read on, at times bored out of my mind.
Luckily, once the book is over, done, finished, one thing remains: the physical cover and the pages, which will become the canvas for a most promising altered book project. I am going to rework the concepts of erotic vs. pornographic imagery as presented through popular printed media, paste inside the book words and images from fashion magazines, and reinterpret it with these added elements. It will be HOT, SEXY, EXCITING!!!
Alas! It was a tortuous journey along, and it led to the dreary and confined world of the author’s endless mind, her poring over herself and her beliefs that All is Well and Fine in the Land of Porn. Tisdale’s self-explorations of her reactions to pornography bored me to no end, but I persisted and doggedly read on, at times bored out of my mind.
Luckily, once the book is over, done, finished, one thing remains: the physical cover and the pages, which will become the canvas for a most promising altered book project. I am going to rework the concepts of erotic vs. pornographic imagery as presented through popular printed media, paste inside the book words and images from fashion magazines, and reinterpret it with these added elements. It will be HOT, SEXY, EXCITING!!!
February 27, 2017
Talk Dirty to Me (Hardcover)
by Sallie Tisdale
heard au on (TOL) think out loud 1/16/17 ...like her approach to writing/essays on her uncertainties.....found she wrote this and read a review.... about how she did describe a lot of her own bodily experience and her own reality during sex
not a book for someone expecting a bibliography or references; instead she drops names
p56 Myth and Sexuality by james highwater
re p34
Coming out in the seventies /
Dennis Altman 1979
ISBN: 0909331685 9780909331689
p10 kenneth tynan see Perspectives on pornography by Douglas A Hughes (Kenneth Tynan. -- The case for pornography is the case for censorship and vice versa)/ see Oh! Calcutta! :
an entertainment with music / Dirty movies : an illustrated history of the stag film, 1915-1970 --introductory essay by kt)/
by Sallie Tisdale
heard au on (TOL) think out loud 1/16/17 ...like her approach to writing/essays on her uncertainties.....found she wrote this and read a review.... about how she did describe a lot of her own bodily experience and her own reality during sex
not a book for someone expecting a bibliography or references; instead she drops names
p56 Myth and Sexuality by james highwater
re p34
Coming out in the seventies /
Dennis Altman 1979
ISBN: 0909331685 9780909331689
p10 kenneth tynan see Perspectives on pornography by Douglas A Hughes (Kenneth Tynan. -- The case for pornography is the case for censorship and vice versa)/ see Oh! Calcutta! :
an entertainment with music / Dirty movies : an illustrated history of the stag film, 1915-1970 --introductory essay by kt)/
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 22, 2015
I'm not quite sure where I got the recommendation for this interesting book but I'm glad I followed up. The author offers quite a few self revelations as she explores and reports on her lifelong explorations of this universal subject. It is somewhat self-censored and as the author admits she would like to stay with healthy relationships and healthy sex as when she discribes her discomfort with a self described sadist who links sex and pain. Likewise she does not dwell on pedophilia. She takes a generic approach to the breadth of perversions and taboos that exist.
The book is somewhat dated but sex never gets old. There is no discussion of chat groups and a short discussion of phone sex (is phone sex still a thing?) I'm not sure I want to know. I guess my final judgement is that it is a good introduction to philosophy of sex and sexual behavior.
The book is somewhat dated but sex never gets old. There is no discussion of chat groups and a short discussion of phone sex (is phone sex still a thing?) I'm not sure I want to know. I guess my final judgement is that it is a good introduction to philosophy of sex and sexual behavior.
April 22, 2011
At times I thought Tisdale was running verbal laps. Going round' and round' without saying anything at all. Just yapping away using phrases to sound intelligent but were unnecessary. I hate to be critical but it made this read quite tedious.
I was also surprised to reach the end of the book and find she didn't feel the need to site ANYTHING. Regardless of the countless references to studies, quotes, famous thoughts in history, there was nothing. I was just surprised.
I was also surprised to reach the end of the book and find she didn't feel the need to site ANYTHING. Regardless of the countless references to studies, quotes, famous thoughts in history, there was nothing. I was just surprised.
August 4, 2011
I couldn't finish reading this book. It's kind of boring. I agree with her on some points but somehow feel that she missed something very essential to sex and love. I don't know yet what it is that she is missing. But I already lost interest in reading this book. That being said, I strongly agree with her on that if we run away or avoid this topic, it will only make this illusion stronger. However, running toward sex and love is not exactly the balanced attitude to deal with them:)
July 17, 2014
The author has some interesting debates about being openly accepting of our sexual natures. She is plagued by shame and wants the world to burst open Pandora' s box of sexuality. I don't feel the same repression, or to the extent that she does. There is fascinating sexual history across cultures in the book that ended up keeping me interested enough to finish the book.
September 22, 2015
Was not as titillated as I thought I would be, skimmed over whole paragraphs. A lot of it isn't very relevant anymore especially her discussion of porn which seems hilariously naive and outdated. Plus she talks a lot about the (I think myth) of the glamorous high class prostitute. It was written in 1993 so I'd recommend skipping this in favor or something more recent.
August 18, 2009
I have a hardcover copy with its own slipcase. The black/white design of the slipcase is what first brought my attention to the book.
Tisdale talks "clean" and succintly about sex, so don't be taken in by its title.
Tisdale talks "clean" and succintly about sex, so don't be taken in by its title.
March 18, 2012
There was lots of interesting information in this book and was reminiscent of my sex, gender, culture class in college. Towards the end i felt that it was disorganized and jumped around from paragraph to paragraph.
June 6, 2018
A sex-positive philosophy of sexuality - discussing pornography, prostitution, orgasms, fantasies, and more of what we as a culture don't talk about.
The only book ahead of this on the subject is "Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.
The only book ahead of this on the subject is "Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.
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