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How Not to Be a Hot Mess: A Survival Guide for Modern Life
The dumpster fire of life rages on, but you got this. Practice six rules to keep you grounded, weather the storm, and actually be a decent person.
It may seem like the world is going to hell in a hand basket right now. Whether it's big stuff like politics and climate change, or just the daily spin of paying your bills, getting to work on time, and fending off social media trolls, we can all admit, modern life ain't easy. Here are six really good guiding principles, inspired from the ancient wisdom of Buddhism and mindfulness practice, to keep you anchored and steady amidst the chaos.
It may seem like the world is going to hell in a hand basket right now. Whether it's big stuff like politics and climate change, or just the daily spin of paying your bills, getting to work on time, and fending off social media trolls, we can all admit, modern life ain't easy. Here are six really good guiding principles, inspired from the ancient wisdom of Buddhism and mindfulness practice, to keep you anchored and steady amidst the chaos.
160 pages, Hardcover
First published April 21, 2020
80 people are currently reading
2822 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 50 reviews
April 2, 2020
I am first to admit I don't read nonfiction books very often. But How Not To Be A Hot Mess really struck a psychological cord with me. The world is a hectic and frantic place and centering your kind in the age of instant gratification and technology for example aren't easy. This book teaches you six guiding principles based on Buddhism ancient practices and mindfulness practice to keep one centered in these chaotic times. This book was an easy enjoyable read that really gave me food for thought and made a positive impact on me. Thank you to Shambhala Publications for a copy of this book in exchange for honest review. Five stars for this book from me.
April 9, 2020
I received a copy of this when I was smack-dab in the middle of a life s*** storm.
I was with my stepdad, in his final days of hospice, had just endured a 4 month long one-two punch of head trauma followed by kidney stone surgery and stent which resulted in 4 hospital stays. Can we say rock bottom?
Nope, because, apocalypse. (Kidding.)
Anyways, I’m so glad this found its way to me when it did because it was just what I needed.
How Not To Be A Hot Mess, written by husband and wife team Craig and Devon Hase is a book that is based off of the very simplest and basic practices of Buddhism.
It focuses on 6 Buddhist principles, primarily centered around mindfulness as a way to help navigate through life, whether it’s the good days, bad days, days you want to rip someone’s head off, or days you’re just too overwhelmed to lift your head off of your pillow.
I think I personally appreciate this book right now because it was so easygoing and light. Reading this was like having a chat with a mellow, yet really wise friend.
This is that friend that will be like: “Man, one time I: did this crappy thing/had this crappy attitude/was on the struggle bus with this one thing, but I learned this really cool thing, you should totally try it, I’ll show you how.”
Each chapter is filled with personal examples, studies or statistics showing the benefits, and is concluded with a short exercise.
An example: if you’re feeling any type of negative emotions, focus on the good. Humans inherently want to do good deeds by nature, but because we’re being inundated with negative all day we don’t SEE the good.
I don’t want to give away the entire exercise, but basically if you were to intentionally LOOK and observe for one day, you’d see humans doing good human things. Holding doors open, smiling at strangers, (okay, not right now with quarantine) but what about at home? If you look for it, you’ll find the tiny acts of service.
So try that, then DO it. It’s stressful times, my friend. If you’re grouchy, get up and randomly grab a treat for a family member out of the blue, or give them a random hug or compliment. Send a loved one that you can’t be with a text to say you’re thinking of them.
These are things that will actually benefit YOU mentally in the end.
This was written in a very casual, friendly way, and each thing is explained in a way that’s simple, makes sense, and somehow leaves you feeling inspired and motivated.
I think that in this time of general overwhelm and unease this book is being released just when it’s needed. It’s not preachy (although it does address some personal views on politics and other issues,) it doesn’t ask you to become a Buddhist or get into anything super deep.
I actually think it’d be a great book for younger adults as well. (with discretion. There is a chapter focused on intimacy.)
The general meat and bones of the practices, if observed, could really benefit a lot of humans out there.
Giving this one 5 stars. Also, high five to the universe for the alignment in timing with the release. I see what you did there.
Thank you so much to Shambhala Publishing and netgalley for the advanced copy for review! As always, all opinions are my own.
I was with my stepdad, in his final days of hospice, had just endured a 4 month long one-two punch of head trauma followed by kidney stone surgery and stent which resulted in 4 hospital stays. Can we say rock bottom?
Nope, because, apocalypse. (Kidding.)
Anyways, I’m so glad this found its way to me when it did because it was just what I needed.
How Not To Be A Hot Mess, written by husband and wife team Craig and Devon Hase is a book that is based off of the very simplest and basic practices of Buddhism.
It focuses on 6 Buddhist principles, primarily centered around mindfulness as a way to help navigate through life, whether it’s the good days, bad days, days you want to rip someone’s head off, or days you’re just too overwhelmed to lift your head off of your pillow.
I think I personally appreciate this book right now because it was so easygoing and light. Reading this was like having a chat with a mellow, yet really wise friend.
This is that friend that will be like: “Man, one time I: did this crappy thing/had this crappy attitude/was on the struggle bus with this one thing, but I learned this really cool thing, you should totally try it, I’ll show you how.”
Each chapter is filled with personal examples, studies or statistics showing the benefits, and is concluded with a short exercise.
An example: if you’re feeling any type of negative emotions, focus on the good. Humans inherently want to do good deeds by nature, but because we’re being inundated with negative all day we don’t SEE the good.
I don’t want to give away the entire exercise, but basically if you were to intentionally LOOK and observe for one day, you’d see humans doing good human things. Holding doors open, smiling at strangers, (okay, not right now with quarantine) but what about at home? If you look for it, you’ll find the tiny acts of service.
So try that, then DO it. It’s stressful times, my friend. If you’re grouchy, get up and randomly grab a treat for a family member out of the blue, or give them a random hug or compliment. Send a loved one that you can’t be with a text to say you’re thinking of them.
These are things that will actually benefit YOU mentally in the end.
This was written in a very casual, friendly way, and each thing is explained in a way that’s simple, makes sense, and somehow leaves you feeling inspired and motivated.
I think that in this time of general overwhelm and unease this book is being released just when it’s needed. It’s not preachy (although it does address some personal views on politics and other issues,) it doesn’t ask you to become a Buddhist or get into anything super deep.
I actually think it’d be a great book for younger adults as well. (with discretion. There is a chapter focused on intimacy.)
The general meat and bones of the practices, if observed, could really benefit a lot of humans out there.
Giving this one 5 stars. Also, high five to the universe for the alignment in timing with the release. I see what you did there.
Thank you so much to Shambhala Publishing and netgalley for the advanced copy for review! As always, all opinions are my own.
May 30, 2020
"So let the storms rage. Let the waves crash. Let the winds shriek and the demons sing. Because right at the center of the blizzard of stimulation that is modern life. . . you can still place your hand on whatever patch of ground you're sitting on and say, Today, in this moment anyway, I will be a slightly less dysregulated hot mess, a semi-still point in the spin, a builder of kindness and a bastion of decency. Or maybe I'll just shoot somebody with a flyby smile and call it good."
4/5 stars
This was such a nice little nugget of a book. (Thanks, Shambhala, for the free copy!)
I'll say right off the bat that I have a hard time with people (and books) telling me what to do. Call it the annoying, rebellious preteen side of my personality. I've picked up so many self-help books and dropped them after the first chapter, either because they're boring or preachy or written by an old white dude that doesn't know anything about life outside his bubble.
This one, however, reminded me of Give a Sh*t: Do Good. Live Better. Save the Planet., which is one of my favorite self-help-tinged books of all time. The two have a lot in common, the most obvious of which is the cavalier, "millennial" tone that makes all of the content very digestible. You'd think this would be annoying (and it does annoy some people) but it really speaks to me—it ditches the pretension and just gets to the meat of the message.
And this book was funny, which helps a lot when you're reading about how to handle the "dumpster fire of life." The authors avoid being pretentious at all costs, which makes the layman reader (i.e. myself) feel great about learning new(-ish) concepts. Even if nothing in this book surprised me—it's basically exactly what you would expect—it still doesn't hurt to review the things that I know I should be doing but have forgotten about amidst the craziness of the world.
4/5 stars
This was such a nice little nugget of a book. (Thanks, Shambhala, for the free copy!)
I'll say right off the bat that I have a hard time with people (and books) telling me what to do. Call it the annoying, rebellious preteen side of my personality. I've picked up so many self-help books and dropped them after the first chapter, either because they're boring or preachy or written by an old white dude that doesn't know anything about life outside his bubble.
This one, however, reminded me of Give a Sh*t: Do Good. Live Better. Save the Planet., which is one of my favorite self-help-tinged books of all time. The two have a lot in common, the most obvious of which is the cavalier, "millennial" tone that makes all of the content very digestible. You'd think this would be annoying (and it does annoy some people) but it really speaks to me—it ditches the pretension and just gets to the meat of the message.
And this book was funny, which helps a lot when you're reading about how to handle the "dumpster fire of life." The authors avoid being pretentious at all costs, which makes the layman reader (i.e. myself) feel great about learning new(-ish) concepts. Even if nothing in this book surprised me—it's basically exactly what you would expect—it still doesn't hurt to review the things that I know I should be doing but have forgotten about amidst the craziness of the world.
December 26, 2020
HOW NOT TO BE A HOT MESS provides an approach to life based on Buddhist tenets. The book does a deep dive into the following six areas: meditation, not being a jerk, generosity, speaking the truth, having a good sex life, and staying clear of drugs and alcohol.
While I’ve read a number of books with a Buddhist basis, this one did not really resonate with me. To be fair, parts did, and I do agree with the tenets at face value, it was more the presentation that didn’t work for me. Several mediations are provided, but not for every topic, which seemed unbalanced.
I enjoyed the references to spectrum of gender identities and sexualities, but these seemed only cursorily mentioned. I liked how the book discussed consent and negativity bias. The final chapter addresses drinking and drug use with what I felt was a mixed message. After stating that people shouldn’t consume alcohol, Craig Hase admits he does consume alcohol upon occasion, and seems to give a tentative thumbs up to the use of certain hallucinogens.
I found following the sentence in the chapter on sexuality problematic: “Why would she fall to the depths of misery over her round (pretty adorable) belly, which by the way, was not big, not fat, and definitely not the result of some horrible, disfiguring lack of self-control or disordered eating.” Wow. Devon Hase goes on to talk about her complicated relationship with her body which involved starving herself and over exercising. Describing people with a “lack of self-control or disordered eating” as “horrible” and “disfigured” doesn’t seem to align with the author’s philosophy of always being kind.
While the book contains some solid advice, some of the discussion didn’t quite hit the mark for me. I found the autobiographical details about the authors’ life experiences to be fascinating and revealing. Both have a solid foundation in meditation and living a life steeped in Buddhism. People seeking more information on mediation will enjoy the various included mediations. The presentation and title also didn’t seem to align with the content.
While I’ve read a number of books with a Buddhist basis, this one did not really resonate with me. To be fair, parts did, and I do agree with the tenets at face value, it was more the presentation that didn’t work for me. Several mediations are provided, but not for every topic, which seemed unbalanced.
I enjoyed the references to spectrum of gender identities and sexualities, but these seemed only cursorily mentioned. I liked how the book discussed consent and negativity bias. The final chapter addresses drinking and drug use with what I felt was a mixed message. After stating that people shouldn’t consume alcohol, Craig Hase admits he does consume alcohol upon occasion, and seems to give a tentative thumbs up to the use of certain hallucinogens.
I found following the sentence in the chapter on sexuality problematic: “Why would she fall to the depths of misery over her round (pretty adorable) belly, which by the way, was not big, not fat, and definitely not the result of some horrible, disfiguring lack of self-control or disordered eating.” Wow. Devon Hase goes on to talk about her complicated relationship with her body which involved starving herself and over exercising. Describing people with a “lack of self-control or disordered eating” as “horrible” and “disfigured” doesn’t seem to align with the author’s philosophy of always being kind.
While the book contains some solid advice, some of the discussion didn’t quite hit the mark for me. I found the autobiographical details about the authors’ life experiences to be fascinating and revealing. Both have a solid foundation in meditation and living a life steeped in Buddhism. People seeking more information on mediation will enjoy the various included mediations. The presentation and title also didn’t seem to align with the content.
May 25, 2020
I will start by saying I really enjoyed this book. I was thrown off by the unfortunate title and the fact that the cover makes it look like it comes with a matching Barbie. But you can’t judge a book by its cover! I read this because it received multiple mentions in the Shambala newsletter and some of the people I admire most in the mindfulness world gave it positive reviews. They were also later mentioned in the book, which made me trust the narrators/made me smile.
This is a quick read and super accessible for anyone curious about Buddhism or meditation but unsure where to begin. It was easier to understand and more relatable than some of the other books I’ve read with similar topics. It had a good mix of personal anecdotes. I also loved the frequent nods to scientific research to back up their statements. I liked that It switched back and forth between female and male perspective and could feel that the couple was incredibly thoughtful and intentional about the words they used.
I am always on the hunt for more books about Buddhism that hold my attention and aren’t written for a theology scholar (that i am NOT) and this totally did the trick.
This is a quick read and super accessible for anyone curious about Buddhism or meditation but unsure where to begin. It was easier to understand and more relatable than some of the other books I’ve read with similar topics. It had a good mix of personal anecdotes. I also loved the frequent nods to scientific research to back up their statements. I liked that It switched back and forth between female and male perspective and could feel that the couple was incredibly thoughtful and intentional about the words they used.
I am always on the hunt for more books about Buddhism that hold my attention and aren’t written for a theology scholar (that i am NOT) and this totally did the trick.
June 15, 2021
I liked that this book wasn’t too long and if someone followed this book exactly they probably would be less of a hot mess.
July 14, 2021
A really great balance of humor and depth, mindfulness and social awareness. Very enjoyable!
January 20, 2024
I wish this book was available when I was in my 20’s. (long time ago!) It seems written for college, post college adults who are feeling untethered. Lots of inclusive language and acknowledgement of privilege which I appreciate. I liked Devon’s description of Patriarchy as “men first” and I would add “men first, no matter how capable and deserving the women are.”
Bottom lines.. be aware and be present with this awareness.
Bottom lines.. be aware and be present with this awareness.
January 31, 2021
Pros: it had some solid concepts and good meditation exercises. I truly enjoyed the meditation exercises and did each one. It’s a quick, easy read.
Cons: the title of the book is inaccurate, there was no real application aspect of the book. It was more or less the authors telling you about Buddhist believes and talking about their own experiences. Most of which are not really relatable. The sec chapter of the book was weird. It’s something that I actually was super excited to read about but the execution was not well. She talked so horribly about herself and body that I started feeling anxious myself. Also, again, no application as to how to actually achieve a better mental state to have better sex.
Overall, I’m not disappointed that I read it, but I probably would not read it again.
Cons: the title of the book is inaccurate, there was no real application aspect of the book. It was more or less the authors telling you about Buddhist believes and talking about their own experiences. Most of which are not really relatable. The sec chapter of the book was weird. It’s something that I actually was super excited to read about but the execution was not well. She talked so horribly about herself and body that I started feeling anxious myself. Also, again, no application as to how to actually achieve a better mental state to have better sex.
Overall, I’m not disappointed that I read it, but I probably would not read it again.
gave-up
December 21, 2019"How not to be a hot mess" is a a guide to living your life as a kind and balanced person, following Buddhist principles with a modern twist. The author goes through six areas to focus on, with heavy storytelling from her own experiences.
I did not care for this book and I did not finish it. I couldn't relate to the authors or their experiences and also did not realize the book was heavily focused on Buddhist principles, I thought it was more of a general mindfulness self-help book.
Thank you NetGalley for my complimentary copy in return for my honest review.
I did not care for this book and I did not finish it. I couldn't relate to the authors or their experiences and also did not realize the book was heavily focused on Buddhist principles, I thought it was more of a general mindfulness self-help book.
Thank you NetGalley for my complimentary copy in return for my honest review.
August 19, 2022
"(This book) draws on Buddhist advice because, believe it or not, Buddhism has been through it all before. It's seen wars, plagues, oppression, and ten thousand terrible haircuts - and it has, along the way, developed dependable ways to stay steady in the roller coaster of family feuds, romantic vacillations, uncertain futures, and all the rest." pg 9, ebook
How Not to be a Hot Mess was a timely read for me, though there was little in here that was "new". Instead, it offers gentle reminders to meditate, tell the truth, be generous and take care of yourself - all things that help mitigate hot messiness in the day-to-day.
"So there are approximately one bajillion reasons why you should meditate. The top three reasons as I've just mentioned, are that you'll be less stressed, more focused, and you might even stumble your way into slightly better humanhood." pg 23, ebook
I used to meditate every day. But then, for whatever reason, I fell out of the habit. I'm going to be doing my best to bring it back because I think I was a calmer person and less reactive to things.
This book also reminded me about skillful speech.
"There are people out there- and I've met a lot of them now- who follow these guidelines of True, Kind, Timely, Helpful beautifully. And they all have some things in common: they have good friends, stable community connections, a sort of quiet confidence, and they kind of glow." pg 53, ebook
I don't tend to say a lot but I try to make what I say fit within those guidelines. This book reminded me of how important this can be. It's like modern life makes me forget sometimes, in the mad crush and noise, what's really important.
"You, too, can do this. It's not just for fancy historical figures or people who write books and give TED talks and share wisdom from the mountaintops. You really can stay clear, say what's true, give a little, make sex good, meditate occasionally, and be less of a jerk and more of a stable loving presence in your world. Right in the middle of everything." pgs 84-85, ebook
Yes, I can do this. And so can you. Happy reading, friends.
How Not to be a Hot Mess was a timely read for me, though there was little in here that was "new". Instead, it offers gentle reminders to meditate, tell the truth, be generous and take care of yourself - all things that help mitigate hot messiness in the day-to-day.
"So there are approximately one bajillion reasons why you should meditate. The top three reasons as I've just mentioned, are that you'll be less stressed, more focused, and you might even stumble your way into slightly better humanhood." pg 23, ebook
I used to meditate every day. But then, for whatever reason, I fell out of the habit. I'm going to be doing my best to bring it back because I think I was a calmer person and less reactive to things.
This book also reminded me about skillful speech.
"There are people out there- and I've met a lot of them now- who follow these guidelines of True, Kind, Timely, Helpful beautifully. And they all have some things in common: they have good friends, stable community connections, a sort of quiet confidence, and they kind of glow." pg 53, ebook
I don't tend to say a lot but I try to make what I say fit within those guidelines. This book reminded me of how important this can be. It's like modern life makes me forget sometimes, in the mad crush and noise, what's really important.
"You, too, can do this. It's not just for fancy historical figures or people who write books and give TED talks and share wisdom from the mountaintops. You really can stay clear, say what's true, give a little, make sex good, meditate occasionally, and be less of a jerk and more of a stable loving presence in your world. Right in the middle of everything." pgs 84-85, ebook
Yes, I can do this. And so can you. Happy reading, friends.
April 27, 2020
If I hadn’t agreed to review this book, I would have put in down after reading the introduction because I recognize this is not a book for me. The core of this book is Buddhist teachings and while the authors explicitly state they are not trying to persuade anyone to adopt their belief system, they do exactly that throughout the book. Granted, they don’t specially relate everything back to Buddhism, but it is made clear that every principle to improve your life is rooted directly in Buddhism.
This book focuses largely on mindfulness and meditation, two concepts that have been shown to improve emotional and mental health. Personally, I believe these concepts function much like the placebo effect, but kudos to you if they help you.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with the teachings of Buddhism and freedom of religion is a beautiful thing to have in this world. However, as a Bible believing Christian, this mindset is not for me, nor was this book. There was a whole chapter devoted to sex, which I skipped in its entirety because I knew it would not be for me. I do agree with some of the concepts presented, as far as being kind, generous and abstaining from substances, but my approach to life is much different than the overall message of this book. I can see the appeal to those who follow the tenets of Buddhism or subscribe to new age practices like those featured in this book. Objectively, this is not a bad book by any means and the writing is actually quite good. The authors have a great approach to their concepts and I felt like I was having a direct conversation with them throughout my reading experience.
I received an ebook of this title from Netgalley, all opinions are my own.
This book focuses largely on mindfulness and meditation, two concepts that have been shown to improve emotional and mental health. Personally, I believe these concepts function much like the placebo effect, but kudos to you if they help you.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with the teachings of Buddhism and freedom of religion is a beautiful thing to have in this world. However, as a Bible believing Christian, this mindset is not for me, nor was this book. There was a whole chapter devoted to sex, which I skipped in its entirety because I knew it would not be for me. I do agree with some of the concepts presented, as far as being kind, generous and abstaining from substances, but my approach to life is much different than the overall message of this book. I can see the appeal to those who follow the tenets of Buddhism or subscribe to new age practices like those featured in this book. Objectively, this is not a bad book by any means and the writing is actually quite good. The authors have a great approach to their concepts and I felt like I was having a direct conversation with them throughout my reading experience.
I received an ebook of this title from Netgalley, all opinions are my own.
November 23, 2020
This short little book offers six steps to help us navigate through the messiness of life. The authors are engaging, creating a very friendly one on one feel. While this is a book based on the ancient wisdom of Buddhism, you most certainly don't have to be a Buddist to find this book helpful.
I am continuously pulled in all directions as my full time job is running my own eco farm, which also happens to be my home. Work life slips right into to personal time, every day, all day & into the night. It seems impossible to separate the two, as my work is also my life. But when I stress, I remind myself that I chose this life. But more than that, how much happier I am being my own boss even if I make 1/4 of the income. I also don't have to worry about calling out sick due to my autoimmune disease. In this way I am truly blessed. When life is kicking six ways to Sunday, we need to remember what is good, we need to remember these six practices to "not be a hot mess"
Meditate
Don't Be A Jerk
Give A Little
Say What's True
Make Sex Good
Stay Clear
This book is short, sweet, & to the point. Don't let the cover fool you. I'm so glad I decided to order it.
I am continuously pulled in all directions as my full time job is running my own eco farm, which also happens to be my home. Work life slips right into to personal time, every day, all day & into the night. It seems impossible to separate the two, as my work is also my life. But when I stress, I remind myself that I chose this life. But more than that, how much happier I am being my own boss even if I make 1/4 of the income. I also don't have to worry about calling out sick due to my autoimmune disease. In this way I am truly blessed. When life is kicking six ways to Sunday, we need to remember what is good, we need to remember these six practices to "not be a hot mess"
Meditate
Don't Be A Jerk
Give A Little
Say What's True
Make Sex Good
Stay Clear
This book is short, sweet, & to the point. Don't let the cover fool you. I'm so glad I decided to order it.
December 6, 2022
I liked this book. It was simple and straight forward. I enjoyed hearing the Buddhist perspective of how to live a healthy well balanced life. The authors seem both down to earth but also offer a lot of honest wisdom. My personal favorite chapter was "Make Sex Good". I thought they found a really great balance of pointing out the importance of wholesome good sex (which MUST include consent), and also affirming everyone has to determine what that looks like for them. It is difficult to find conversations like this that dance between healthy boundaries, sexual exploration, and not over indulging in a way that causes harm to oneself or others (without shaming). I like how they don't repeat themselves too much but show in each chapter how some of these concepts are call connected and at the end of the day leave us feeling healthier and brighter. For me personally it wasn't ground breaking, but was a good reminder and affirmation for my choices and helped me identify areas I would like to continue to grow in.
July 23, 2025
Between politics, climate change, and social media trolls, modern life seems to be a hot mess. Craig and Devon Hase use six rules from the Buddhist teachings to help you feel grounded amidst in the chaos. A mix of self-help and guided mediations, How Not to Be a Hot Mess is a guide for you on how to practice mindfulness.
My sister-in-law recommended this self-help book to me; she particularly enjoyed the meditations. I could use a little more balance in helping center myself amid the current political climate. However, I listened to the audiobook at double speed which wasn't very zen of me. In all, How Not to Be a Hot Mess is a fairly innocuous self-help book: It will speak to some while others will get nothing from it. While I fell in the latter category, I didn't think the advice was terrible, just not anything that connected to me.
My sister-in-law recommended this self-help book to me; she particularly enjoyed the meditations. I could use a little more balance in helping center myself amid the current political climate. However, I listened to the audiobook at double speed which wasn't very zen of me. In all, How Not to Be a Hot Mess is a fairly innocuous self-help book: It will speak to some while others will get nothing from it. While I fell in the latter category, I didn't think the advice was terrible, just not anything that connected to me.
October 20, 2020
This book breaks down 6 Buddhist precepts in a way that any Buddhist, or non Buddhist, practitioner, or non-practitioner, can apply to their lives.
The authors are intentional about using inclusive language and examples for all sexual and gender orientations and all racial groups.
The book is quick read (only like 150 ish pages), and is conversational. You feel like the authors are your friends.
All the chapters have effective meditations that are easy to do in our daily life.
My favorite chapter was "Make Sex Good." I’ve never heard anyone talk about sex the way Devon does. It’s how to connect, how to find real intimacy. It’s about staying connected to our bodies, staying in our bodies, and slowing down enough to enjoy.
The authors are intentional about using inclusive language and examples for all sexual and gender orientations and all racial groups.
The book is quick read (only like 150 ish pages), and is conversational. You feel like the authors are your friends.
All the chapters have effective meditations that are easy to do in our daily life.
My favorite chapter was "Make Sex Good." I’ve never heard anyone talk about sex the way Devon does. It’s how to connect, how to find real intimacy. It’s about staying connected to our bodies, staying in our bodies, and slowing down enough to enjoy.
December 15, 2020
Mala knjiga ali vrijedna čitanja. Još jednom sam shvatio važnost meditacije i koliko možemo svojim mislima promijeniti naš život jer imamo svu kontrolu nad svojim životom upravo s tim mislima. Ispod je pet savjeta iz ove knjige koji su poprilično jasni iz samog naslova svakog tog poglavlja. Meditacija, nemoj biti kreten prema ljudima, vrati nešto na način da pomogneš drugima jer nam se sve vraća kako šaljemo, govori istinu (postavi si ova četiri pitanja prije nego nešto kažeš: Istinito? Ljubazno? Dobar timing? Pomoć će nešto ako to kažeš?), učini seks dobrim na način da ne padaš pod moderni pritisak da je u seksu sve i da ga moraš željeti stalno kako mediji to žele.
1. Meditiraj
2. Ne budi kreten
3. Vrati nešto
4. Reci istinu
5. Učini seks dobrim
1. Meditiraj
2. Ne budi kreten
3. Vrati nešto
4. Reci istinu
5. Učini seks dobrim
July 12, 2021
Self-help/life style books are a difficult genre for me as it’s really hard to be told what to do and to change if it’s in a way I don’t like or agree with. So besides having agreeable advice Craig & Devon Hase tell it to me in ways I deeply appreciate and respect.
-framed as advice
Rather than things one must or should do
-they are transparent
They come off as authentic and discuss openly mistakes and difficulties and acknowledge their backgrounds. They cite credible sources for their claims.
-give examples and non examples; spelling out how a message is to be intended
Eg explanation of consent, explicitly saying that while yes we should be kind that we can also exclude those that do us harm
-framed as advice
Rather than things one must or should do
-they are transparent
They come off as authentic and discuss openly mistakes and difficulties and acknowledge their backgrounds. They cite credible sources for their claims.
-give examples and non examples; spelling out how a message is to be intended
Eg explanation of consent, explicitly saying that while yes we should be kind that we can also exclude those that do us harm
October 4, 2025
If I had mastered the "put a book down if you realize 50 pages in that it sucks," I would not have bothered finishing this one. Someone recommended it as one of the best self-help books out there today. It goes to show different strokes for different folx, cuz I would consider this one of the worst.
There was nothing of value here that you couldn't simply read about in a short Psychology Today article. I'm grateful for the author's bravery in sharing their personal stories, but this book is entirely skipable.
There was nothing of value here that you couldn't simply read about in a short Psychology Today article. I'm grateful for the author's bravery in sharing their personal stories, but this book is entirely skipable.
April 3, 2020
I really enjoyed Devon and Craig’s book which takes timeless Buddhist ethical principles originally written for monastics and offers them in an accessible format for young adults in our current, fast paced, tech heavy world. Now, more than ever, we need to contemplate how to be more present, more kind, and more connected. Devon and Craig offer supportive and nonjudgmental guidance to help us do just that.
August 20, 2020
The book describes 6 strategies derived from Buddhism to have a less complicated life. The rules are nice but why stretch something for 60 pages when it can be described in 10 ? Also after reading the whole thing I do not understand why the title was the book chosen ? The things implied in the book are surely nice but I know many people despite doing the same things are as messy as a person gets . The title doesn't seem apt.
Trigger warning : mentions of eating disorders
Trigger warning : mentions of eating disorders
November 5, 2020
It was fine. Some decent focus on the benefits of medication... but it wasn’t until the last two pages they touched on the use of these practices as the world falls apart around you. A bit more focus on how to apply the book to a life of chaos would have been appreciated.
It was more about “how to be a decent human” or “how to unplug” than “how not to be a hot mess”. They really didn’t touch on the messiness of our lives at all :(
It was more about “how to be a decent human” or “how to unplug” than “how not to be a hot mess”. They really didn’t touch on the messiness of our lives at all :(
January 31, 2021
I saw this title on the library’s shelf on a self-pitying pandemic day and it made me laugh. When I started reading it and saw that the authors had centered their advice around Buddhist precepts, I was intrigued, as I have been dabbling with meditation, yoga, and mindfulness for a few years now. The suggestions in this book make sense, are centering, and delivered in a non-preachy, humorous voice. It gave me a lot to think about, and helped me to find a path to calm in a chaotic world.
April 25, 2020
Overall pretty good.
Some aspects lend themselves better to an audiobook or video format, especially the guided meditations within. A bit hard to do or remember a meditation when you're reading along with it. Plus, there could have been a heavier hand with editing out the overuse of commas. But the voice of the authors was easy to read.
Some aspects lend themselves better to an audiobook or video format, especially the guided meditations within. A bit hard to do or remember a meditation when you're reading along with it. Plus, there could have been a heavier hand with editing out the overuse of commas. But the voice of the authors was easy to read.
July 27, 2020
This book is a very accessible introduction to some ancient and valuable lessons. While the authors are both Buddhist, they use non-Buddhist language to share some important teachings. During these uncertain and difficult times, it is a great gift for a young person struggling to make sense of life.
July 28, 2020
Reading this book feels like listening to the stories and philosophical takeaways of two old friends. Devon and Craig Hase weave together scientific research, personal experience, and Buddhist perspectives with such simplicity, clarity, and honesty that their wisdom feels universal. So grateful to have this book of guidance during these difficult times!
September 24, 2020
There's nothing earth-shattering or new here, but I enjoyed this straightforward application of Buddhist ideals to everyday life. This is kind, grounding advice from which anyone can derive benefit. I listened on audiobook, and the alternation between the two authors works: both read well. This is a good introduction to mindfulness concepts.
November 27, 2020
For so many years I have been looking for a guide on how to meditate, this book simply guides how to do that! My favorite in this book would be, “is it True, is it Kind, is it timely, is it helpful,” I love that style because we tend to say nasty things without pausing! Very fast and easy to read and so much wisdom with this couple! Thank you 🙏🏽!
March 13, 2023
It was an enjoyable and short read. I didn’t find the book particularly eye opening but it had good reminders about how not to live like a jerk.
The writing style to me was charming. I might be biased because I sat a retreat with the authors. The book definitely reminded me of their dharma talks which were really warm and fuzzy even funny at times.
The writing style to me was charming. I might be biased because I sat a retreat with the authors. The book definitely reminded me of their dharma talks which were really warm and fuzzy even funny at times.
March 8, 2025
I listened to this audiobook and loved it. The guided meditations Devon takes you through are super different and very brief. I thoroughly enjoyed this very fast and easy listen. It's good to have those reminders about how and why to be a good person, and mixing in the support and information about how to keep a better balanced and happier life was also beneficial.
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