Rock On: Mining for Joy in the Deep River of Sibling Grief

by Susan E. Casey

Rock On: Mining for Joy in the Deep River of Sibling Grief is about love, loss, grief, and the journey toward hope and reclaiming joy. Rock On focuses solely on sibling loss because it's a tragedy author Susan Casey experienced in her own life. On Valentine's Day, 2014, she learned of the horrific and unexpected death of her forty-three-year-old brother Rocky (birth name: Brian) who died while in Hong Kong with his wife and three-and-a-half-year-old daughter.

Susan shares her journey, capturing the bond between her and her brother, the shock over his sudden death, and the emotional three-week trip to Asia. When Susan returned home, she was faced with unimaginable grief. In her effort to heal, she interviewed others all over the world that had lost a sibling. Brothers and sisters shared their stories with a vulnerable and open heart, and these stories helped to nudge Susan, step by step, out of the deep river of grief. As she listened, a deeper healing took place, anchoring Susan's belief that loving and losing far outweigh never loving at all.

The stories segue into excerpts from the people she talked to that are relevant to the theme of each chapter. Susan weaves in her memories throughout each story and ends each chapter with her thoughts on the chapter's theme to provide additional insights to help the reader on their grief journey. Susan's story and the stories of other people who lost a sibling explore the resiliency of the human spirit after a tragic loss and how their sibling's death impacted their lives.

Genres: Grief

242 pages, Paperback

Published February 15, 2020

Reviews

[Jade · Rating 4 out of 5]

Susan E. Casey’s memoir, Rock On: Mining for Joy in the Deep River of Sibling Grief, is a personal story of losing a beloved sibling, intertwined with other stories of the same nature. In the first half of the book the author tells us her brother’s story, and how close they were. Rocky (Brian), was someone who was always looking for something more, traveling the world, searching for his own place to call home. I enjoyed reading about Rocky, and related a lot to his life and some of his choices (although not all). I also enjoyed reading about Susan’s relationship with him, and the ebbs and flows of sibling relationships. Rocky dies suddenly after a mysterious illness that may or may not have been related to other ailments he had been experiencing while living in Bali, leaving behind a young wife and child, parents, and siblings. In the second part of the book Susan weaves parts of her interviews with other people who have lost siblings with her own personal journey through grief.

While reading this book I realized that I haven’t really read many stories (nonfiction) of sibling loss, and the grief that comes with losing a brother or a sister. I’ve had my fair share of loss in my life, a lot of it from an early age, but I am lucky to always have my two siblings close to me, not often physically because we have all lived thousands of miles away from each other for most of our adult lives, but always mentally. The idea of losing one of them makes my heart hurt. And my heart hurt reading this memoir: Rocky sounded like someone I would have been friends with, and so does Susan. It’s easy to imagine their relationship through Susan’s words, and to see how close they really were.

I thoroughly appreciated how honest Susan is in her memoir, how she never skirts around the edges, and how she recognizes her own mistakes and losses in grief. I hope that one day she is able to mend bridges with her sister in law, because I’m sure her niece would love to hear stories about Rocky as a child and a teen. As someone who lost their father way too young I cherish the stories my aunt has told me over the years, and am grateful she was always there for me. That said, I also understand the need for boundaries, and they were definitely necessary here. Grief makes us do and say things that we would otherwise never do or say, but at some point you have to protect yourself.

I did feel like some of the stories from the interviews were a little rushed, and the comparison between a few of the stories and Susan’s grief were a little contrived. I think some of the comparisons of sibling grief weren’t really necessary. I did like reading the other stories, and seeing how other people dealt with their own journeys, and I would have actually liked to read more about them. In any case, this is a sad, but ultimately heartwarming memoir, where we touch on the depths of grief, but also learn about the importance of searching for joy whenever we can, even during our darkest moments.

[Brian Hathaway · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for those suffering from grief of the loss of anyone, or caring for a sick/disabled loved one. Full Disclosure: I am the elderly (80) father of the author and of the lost sibling, Rocky (birth name Brian). I have grieved the loss of all my older family members (parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents), which is the normal way the ladder of life dictates but this is different. I cared for my wife for twelve and one-half years after she suffered a massive stroke and she eventually passed away after more than 50 years of marriage. Over those years, including the loss of Rocky, I repeatedly questioned, why them and not me. They were both wonderful and caring people. I questioned why people that we had known, and were friends with for over 35 years, would suddenly “disappear into thin air.” They did not acknowledge my wife’s stroke nor the death of either of them and this caused me deep depression to the point that I hated life, and all of them as well. However, after reading the book (several times), and concentrating on all interviews with all of the others that had lost siblings and their road to recovery, I now have slowly recovered to the point where I can laugh and enjoy life more. Their stories of how they moved on with life has helped me immensely. I do not feel guilty anymore for surviving and only associate with those that I am comfortable with, are positive about life, that laugh and enjoy every day and are not wrapped up in their own self-centered world. As Susan quotes Rocky in the book, “If not now, when?” I also better understand and accept the phrase, “You have friends for a season, friends for a reason and friends for life.” Read the book, it is a great help in so many ways.

[Julie Brown]

Rock On, is a masterfully written autobiography on a touching subject; sibling grief. Rocky’s story is captivating and brutally honest. The author artfully weaves through a depiction of their life together as brother and sister and displays her heart with raw integrity. I’m honored to have been one of the 25 siblings interviewed in Susan Casey’s book and astonished at the common threads between us. Thank you, Susan Casey for a beautiful, exploratory read and for seeing in all of us the incredible and poignant journey of our sibling grief.

A must read for everyone, including those who have yet to grieve.

[Judy Lipson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A heartfelt raw story with stories of other bereaved stories woven in. Thank you Susan for bravely sharing your brother Rocky with us and your grief that so many bereaved siblings can relate to. Siblings are the forgotten mourners and grateful to have individuals to relate to, speak my language and share the compassion.

[Mary Haynes-Rodgers · Rating 5 out of 5]

First, I seldom if ever read nonfiction, and when I start a nonfiction book I do not finish it. Well except this one. Oh and I seldom write reviews, except this one. I started the book one day and finished it the next. The author does a beautiful job of not only telling her own story of losing her beloved brother, and her grief process and the lessons she learned, but also those of others who have lost a sibling. The lessons resonate with anyone who has lost a loved one but especially a sibling no matter how they died. And the author's use of words grabs your heart and soul and hangs on. Beautiful first book and I hope there are more in her future.

[Gina Troisi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This fabulous, necessary book is part memoir, part self-help. It details the author's personal journey into the rough, unpredictable terrain of sibling loss and grief. The author writes about her younger brother's unexpected, tragic death, but also chronicles the stories of others who have gone through similar traumas, and the personal suddenly becomes universal. The writing is lyrical and poetic and breathtaking.

Susan E. Casey unlocks the vast, mysterious world of sibling loss, and details the various shades of grief in an authentic, moving narrative voice. This book is heart wrenching in all the right ways. It is a true gift. It is brave and bold, and is a profound display of empathy in its purest form. It is an unflinching exploration into the depths of the human heart. It speaks not only to sibling loss, but to anyone who has experienced grief and despair. I highly recommend.

[Denise · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely recommend this book to everyone. Susan Casey’s ability to bring the individuals and their stories to life is so moving. I felt as though I truly knew those that were lost and grieved with their families. Having experienced significant loss myself in 2019, the memoirs from Susan’s traumatic loss resonate deep in my soul. Her unique style of intertwining her experiences surviving the loss of her brother “Rocky”, with the lives and losses experienced by her interviewees is breathtaking. She captures the pain and fortitude of the loved ones left behind as they navigate the grief and move forward towards healing.

[Dawn DiRaimondo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautifully written memoir about the relationship between the author and her younger brother, Rocky. She begins with stories from their childhood and then describes the heartbreak of losing him suddenly in adulthood to a medical condition. I deeply appreciated the author's honesty and vulnerability throughout the book.

As a therapist and surviving sibling myself, I am grateful Susan has shared her story, as well as others whom she interviewed for the book who also lost siblings. The impact of sibling loss often goes unrecognized or understood in our society. Books like this are essential for changing that.

Despite how heartbreaking the story was at times, I love how the author manages to still inspire hope about how there will be times of joy again in one's life. I highly recommend this to anyone who has lost a sibling or wants to better understand sibling loss. Thank you for this beautifully written book Susan!

Dawn DiRaimondo, PsyD author of "Surviving Sibling Loss: The Invisible Thread That Connects Us Through Life and Death"

[Marie Polega · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked that this was both a memoir and included interviews of other surviving siblings. The stories were touching and I'm so grateful I was able to meet Susan virtually and talk to her about her book.