"Every man has inside himself a parasitic being who is acting not at all to his advantage.” -William S. Burroughs
Strange, I know, to quote Burroughs, author of "Naked Lunch," in a review of a book about sexual addictions, but here we are. Eddie Capparucci's "Going Deeper" is a manual for men who have sex addictions, designed to help them understand the roots of their sickness, and how to combat it successfully.
In order to accomplish his task, Capparucci delineates the different kinds of inner child that various men with addictive personalities have at their core. The inner child, in Capparucci's formulation, seems to function like an unconscious id, grievously wounded in the past and seeking out hollow pleasures in order to escape the hard work of self-reflection and personal improvement.
All of the men who saw Capparucci for therapy seemed to use pornography as kids as a means to escape situations in which they felt stressed beyond their limit, or neglected by absentee parents. In the most extreme cases, these children were victims of extreme sexual abuse themselves. Their precocious interest in pornography would later bloom into encounters with strippers and escorts and more serious extramarital affairs.
Each chapter contains insights on the various compulsive behaviors these men engaged in, treating the "why" behind the seemingly unmotivated, spontaneous acts sought for no reason more complex than an adrenaline rush. After the "why" comes the "how" portion, in which Capparucci gives advice and techniques on how to conquer one's sexual addiction. Each chapter also contains a worksheet exercise that allows the recovering addict to formulate, in their own words, why they do what they do, and how they might learn to stop doing it. As with AA, some of the language has a tinge of the religious about it, but the areligious and atheist can easily substitute a more generic "higher power" for "Jesus," or "God," when they are mentioned.
The book also does a good job of considering the plight of women who love the men dealing with their illness, which makes it ideal for partners and spouses who want to first understand what ails their loved one, and second, learn why they should not take the addiction as a personal affront to their sexual desirability. For as all sex addicts know, it's not really about sex. Especially when it seems to be about nothing but.
Recommended, in combination with more formal therapy, either individual or group.