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88 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1990
- Reading, pg. 29
- Poem About Your Laugh, pg. 51
I never had it myself which is why
I love kids so fiercely, seeing in them
the absolute purity of being in the present, absolutely
in the present, with tomorrow and yesterday
or even later mere words, lying words, words adults use
to deny you what you want right now - why shouldn't you
want it now? My hunger is real, realer tan God or Africa,
as every child knows.
Whereas I was watchful and anxious and trying to please
and therefore not honest, therefore
a child adults liked but of whom other children
were sometimes, not always, but painfully suspicious.
Once a girl at camp said she hated me and when I asked her why
replied "Because you're always asking other people
if you can do things for them."
I didn't understand her then but I do now.
As an adult it used to be important that children liked me
because it proved that I was a gentle and spiritual
sort of being at a time in my life when all my ambitions
seemed dirty; it was not much different from being licked
by stray dogs or tolerated by people's cats
but I thought it a gift.
It consoled me for other kinds of loneliness, and seemed to purge
my hungers of whatever might wound me too deeply- The Gift, after C.K. Williams, pg. 67