The Audacity to Be You: Learning to Love Your Horrible, Rotten Self

by Brad M. Reedy

Expanding on his first book, "The Journey of the Heroic Parent," Reedy talks about how all our relationships are connected to the relationship we have with ourselves. He shows how the foundation for intimacy with partners, our ability to parent effectively, and the meaningfulness of our lives can be tied to how well we have unraveled our unique childhood history. The “Audacity to Be You: Learning to Love Your Horrible, Rotten, Self” is a simple but bold exploration into what makes us human and why happiness and connection are elusive for so many. Reedy's work is counter-intuitive, but the reader will often have the experience of being found and understood as they make their way through his work. Many readers say that reading Brad's work is like, “You are hearing something for the first time that you already knew but just didn't have the words for it.” Dr. Reedy is a renowned author, therapist, podcaster, and public speaker and his approach is accessible and non-threatening. He is a prolific keynote speaker, T.V. and radio guest, and he travels the world presenting to audiences and training therapists. Through stories gathered from decades as a therapist, co-founder, and clinical director of Evoke Therapy Programs, Reedy gives the reader an intimate picture of mental health and healing. “The Audacity to Be You” explains how our personalities are built, brick by brick. From what it means to be a Self, we learn how to authentically love others. Readers will learn the essence of mental health and with that understanding the stigma of mental illness evaporates. Reedy debunks toxic myths so common in or culture, including “You are only happy as your least happy child” and how good therapy goes beyond problem solving. Reedy teaches, “In this way of thinking, you don't get to be right anymore. But you get to be a Self. And that is so much better. That is “The Audacity to be You.” For more information on his work, go to evoketherapy.com or drbradreedy.com. You can also listen to his podcast, "Finding You: An Evoke Therapy Podcast" on your favorite podcast app.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Parenting, Mental Health

261 pages, Paperback

Published February 24, 2020

About the author

Brad is a Co-founder and the Clinical Director of Evoke Therapy Programs. Evoke Therapy Programs provide outdoor-based therapy for adolescents, young-adults and families. As a co-owner of Second Nature Wilderness Programs, Brad helped to establish it as a leader in the treatment field. Brad has served as a Primary Therapist, Executive Director and Director of Clinical Services. He has served on the Board of the Utah Department of Child and Family Services and the board of the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs. He currently serves on the board for En Garde Arts, a NYC based company focusing on socially conscious theatre. Dr. Reedy has developed an accessible and liberating approach to adolescents, young-adults and their parents. His ability to use his own story and stories from the thousands of families he has treated offers hope to families suffering with mental health, addiction and stage-of-life issues.

He is a captivating public speaker and has been invited to deliver several keynote addresses on wilderness therapy, treatment of addiction, and parenting. He has presented at conferences including NATSAP, Naropa’s Wilderness Symposium, IECA, and the Moments of Change Conference. Brad has been invited to present at Universities including Syracuse, Cornell, BYU, and the MRI institute in Palo Alto California on the subject of experiential therapy in the treatment for young adults and teens. He is often asked to present at parent education conferences, symposiums and workshops and has been invited to speak as an expert in national syndicated radio shows such as the “Dennis Prager Show” and “Parenting the Addicted Child” and “The Judith Regan Show.” Brad has broadcast over 700 webinars on parenting since 2007.

He is the author of The Journey of the Heroic Parent: Your Child’s Struggle & the Road Home, published by Reganarts.

Reviews

[Becca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the audio on this, and I'm really glad I have it in my audible library--but almost as soon as I started, I realized I'm going to need a hard copy, which I have ordered.

I've been struggling lately to show up for myself. I feel the weight of other people's expectations or perceptions of me, and it can be debilitating, so I shut down. It can make my sense of self feel almost imperceptible at times. I've been journaling about it, which helps. But this book was a big giant gift from God, and will give me some pretty important prompts for self-examination. I'm already finding vocabulary to think about my life experiences, ways of framing my story and owning my story that feel both true and courageous.

[Janice · Rating 4 out of 5]

Busting myths or sentiments that have guided generations, Brad Reedy’s approach to mental wellness is both a splash of cold water in your face as well as a warm, comforting hug. Owning your truth is as valued as allowing others to own theirs. Reedy emphasizes the power of having an empathic listener as our need to be heard is so crucial to our developing self - and our developing self is a continual ongoing process. I am particularly fond of his closing quote that we are all, after all, just walking each other home. I would consider this a must read for parents of all ages, but also for all those who interact with mankind.

[Douha Louimina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Two words: Life Altering.

[Jordan Pope · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best Doctor/Therapist I've Ever Known

I couldn't wait for this book to come out. I almost have my doctorate degree in clinical + depth psychology and I was looking for clinical training sites when I met Dr. Reedy and was invited to work for his company Evoke Therapy Programs. I truly believe that his philosophical-therapeutic approach is the best and I am so fortunate to have learned under him. I would recommend anyone to him, for his books and his therapy programs. Like a modern day shaman he helps to lead one to their whole self and restores the sense of agency over one's soul.

[Ashton Fiucci · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every time I picked up this book, I grew, and my mind and capacity to be mySelf and to see Others expanded. I cannot recommend this book more. It took a while to read because I put in a lot of emotional and mental work, and that can be tiring. Everyone can learn something from this one.

[Mariah W · Rating 5 out of 5]

READ THIS BOOK! I can't say enough good about it. Beautiful insights, profound wisdom, & humble examples of what it takes to really come to know who you really are & love that person. Great help in here for parenting & other relationships as well!! Just read it, I promise it's so good!

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this. I found it super interesting, and expressed in an accesible manner. A wonderful work, that was a joy to read.

[Colleen Van · Rating 5 out of 5]

Required reading for anyone in any relationship.

[Ashley (BooksViaAshley)]

Calling it quits after over a year at 65%. I need to get this book in print form bc the audio version is NOT it. Very dry monotone, not great quality. The subject matter is great but I can't make myself finish.

[Kristen Evans · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this book. It was super therapist focused though. So if you aren't pretty into psychology, it might not be the book for you. That is why I gave it one less star. I couldn't recommend this book to others like I would a Brene Brown book or something like that. But it has a good approach to it and I enjoyed lots of the stories of wilderness therapy. It had some great sections on authenticity and boundaries. Setting boundaries for yourself, not to change someone else's behavior. And how we need to make sure we have a clear separation of self, which I really liked. And treating any "other" as someone we love and care about, but not to "complete" our lives or be "our everything." It had a bit more freudian thoughts than I thought it would and talks a lot about the parent/child relationship, but I guess that makes sense since his other book, The Heroic Parent, is a lot about that. I am definitely going to check that one out too as I am a new parent.

[Kimberly DuBrul · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brad Reedy has taught me so much about myself and for that I’ll always be grateful. It is true in my case of finding him that the teacher appears when you are ready. I found myself starting to feel regret that I didn’t have his wisdom in my life at a past time that I could have really used it, but quickly recalculate based on what I’ve just learned from him- now is the perfect time. You can change anytime- or rather be YOU anytime- the real you. Life is so good and such an adventure. BR’s teaching, philosophy, ideas are helping me to live a fuller life, therefore allowing the others around me to do the same! Thank you!!

[Andi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although there were parts that I did roll my eyes... (I admit I'm not a hardcore therapy person and this book seems to be directed more towards fellow therapists), there are plenty of parts that I highlighted and plan to revisit. I read this as part of a discussion group and I'm looking forward to dissecting it with others.

A few good quotes:
"Talking tends to be a taking thing. Listening tends to be a giving thing."
"Advice and lecturing are easy- anyone can do that"
"This imposing of oneself onto a child or an Other is not love and realizing that can be profound. It is not 'loving too much', but rather, it is born out of anxiety."
"There is hope, however, because parents don't need to be capable of everything. This can be a relieving truth since it is impossible for parents to have unlimited capabilities. But what is helpful is for parents to own their limitations."
"I try to remain curious."

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars. This is just scratching the surface, but one of the main concepts is not imposing yourself on Others. For example, how we interact with our children is often born out of our own anxieties and fears rather than to support the child's needs. Attempts are made to manage the child's behavior so that the parent can feel better. The child may then interpret their behavior as unwanted or bad, causing them to start hiding parts of themselves. We need to delve deeply into ourselves to determine the root of our thoughts/fears/behaviors so that we don't impart these onto others.

Some concepts are repeatedly addressed throughout the book, but I feel like that in most cases the repetition was needed. He often makes logic statements that I needed expressed in a few different ways. So although some messages may seem repetitive, it helped to understand the concept.

[mia van de loo · Rating 1 out of 5]

i did not like this book. it had a few gems here and there, but once you understand them in their larger context they’re ruined

my main issue with this book is that it’s extremely unbiblical. i don’t need the author to be a christian, and of course he’s only writing from his own experience, but the sweeping generalizations about the way life is are plainly untrue

he quoted corinthians once, the verse about no longer thinking as a child, but it was grossly out of context because the assumption is that you are now walking with the lord, and this book preaches idolatry of self

anyway my mom bought this book for me to read and once i was 2/3 in i asked her if she’d finished it. she told me she got mad at it and stopped reading LOL

[Matty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed listening to “The Audacity to Be You”. It’s a great companion read for anyone working through therapy and learning to accept themselves as they are.

While this book is framed to help parents improve their relationships with their children, as a single young adult I still found the advice to be extremely helpful.

Would recommend for anyone looking for a self-help book that’s not trying to sell a snake-oil solution to your problems, but rather promoting the radically simple concept of learning to accept yourself exactly as you are.

[Nicole Handy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not sure I love the title because it feels misleading. Rather than seeing this book as a “self love” book, I see it as a therapy primer and a reminder to hold on to your “self” as you interact with the “other”. And also respecting others to do the same. So it translates to all relationships and how to set healthy boundaries and allow others to be their selves without judgement. Lots of practical advice.

[Patty Hagar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Brad Reedy delivers an excellent second book. It is about going inward to understand and accept yourself and this being absolutely necessary to understand and accept others. I think the overall theme is that everyone needs therapy, ongoing, in order to continually do this. It isn’t something you learn and are good... but it takes practice, reflection, and perspective to keep at it.

[Jennifer Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel like anyone and everyone could benefit from this book as it is about reaching and listening to your authentic self. I plan to use this book as a reference until these concepts truly sink in (they are pretty heavy). For me, big sticking points were ridding ourselves of the goal of being "right" and "good" and just embracing who we are and fully loving that person. A must-read!

[Nicole Jacobsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extremely impactful, probably the best therapy/psychology type book I’ve read. I really appreciated the fresh take and the really useful framing for particular issues and questions I’ve been dealing with. Would recommend to anyone who’s looking to “do the work” on themselves and maybe doesn’t know where to start.

[Todd Holcomb · Rating 4 out of 5]

Worth re-reading

This book is full of insight and wisdom drawn from years of experience as both a therapist and a client. It’s worth reading and then reading again, so the insights can sink in and gain clarity.

At times I did have a sense of frustration from feeling like the advice didn’t really land in a practical way. It’s one thing to talk about setting boundaries for your own well-being, but what does that look like when the dishes need to get done?

[Arely Trujillo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed my life for the better... It helped put to words feelings I had bottled up inside because I never knew how to communicate them. I highly recommend it to anyone striving to improve their mental and emotional well-being.

[Melanie Carr · Rating 5 out of 5]

Second time reading this book. Loved it and picked up on different things this time. A few quotes I wrote down this time around:

“The first thing you should know about me is that I am not you”

“Dear one, I am here for you”

“If it’s hysterical it’s historical”

[Rob · Rating 5 out of 5]

Changed my perspective on the self, others, and how I parent.

[Aspen Stander Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

brb crying

[Audrey Aguirre · Rating 5 out of 5]

This author is the founder of EVOKE wilderness therapy, if you want to take a deep dive into living authentically, this is for you.

[Ivan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hands down the best psychology book I've read in a long time. You really owe it to yourself to read/listen to this one.

[Hannah (Klein) Rockwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is easy to read and packed full of great research and advice. It really influenced the way I approach relationships, and the advice has proven especially relevant and useful in my marriage. I can also see it being useful in parent-child relationship dynamics. Ultimately, it helped me to embrace being myself, find confidence in holding personal boundaries, and to support/make space for others in my life to be themselves, too. I will read it again, likely multiple times throughout my life.

[McKelle Skirvin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tbh changed my life. So incredible.

[Victoria Velaris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant.