Gene, Everywhere: a life-changing visit from my father-in-law

by Talya Tate Boerner

On New Year's Day 2011, without giving the idea full consideration, Talya invites her ninety-year-old father-in-law to visit. He needs a temporary place to stay. She needs something. From the moment Gene steps into her kitchen clutching a paper sack filled with medication, NOTHING unfolds as she expects.

"While often grounded in things—a red sweatshirt, a jigsaw puzzle, a toothpick, 72 ceiling tiles—at its heart Gene, Everywhere is about people in their maddening, clumsy, confounding, and ultimately triumphant attempts to connect and enrich each other’s lives... Anyone who has been inspired by an older mentor will love this memoir; anyone who has not will find one in Gene." ~ Dorene O’Brien, author of What It Might Feel Like to Hope

With the generational wisdom of Tuesdays with Morrie and the charm of A Man Called Ove, this story is for adult children everywhere.

Genres: Nonfiction

295 pages, Paperback

Published March 10, 2020

About the author

Talya Tate Boerner spent twenty-five years as a Dallas banker before following her literary dreams back home to Arkansas. When she isn't writing, you can find her gardening, reading, or raising butterflies on her back porch. She lives with her husband and two miniature schnauzers in the stunning Ozark Mountains of Fayetteville, Arkansas. The Third Act of Theo Gruene is her fourth novel.

Reviews

[Barbara Tate · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved, loved, loved this book. (Yes, I did get an advanced copy!) I had the privilege of meeting Gene, the real-life Gene. This book certainly captures the essence of him....his personality....his wit. Everyone is in for a treat when they read GENE, EVERYWHERE.

[Lynette Terrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my three favorite genres is memoir. I received a proof copy of Gene, Everywhere in exchange for an honest review. I loved it. It is a love story. Not of the romantic kind, but one between a woman and her father- in- law. It all starts when Talya suggests to John that his ninety year old father come stay a while with them because his mom isn’t doing well, and his sister has her hands full. She does it for love and because it is the thing to do. As soon as Gene shows up, she wonders if maybe she wasn’t thinking clearly. Then step by step, day by day, they grow to truly love each other (though not without messes and a couple of disasters). As Talya gets to know her father- in- law better, he leads her to discover more about herself. Gene, Everywhere is an honest look at how important it is for us to keep our hearts wide open.

[Talya Boerner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Maybe it's weird to review my own book, but I'm super excited for you to meet Gene! This story is a love letter to my father-in-law; a love letter to aging parents everywhere, and adult children learning to caretake. In a society that seems to disregard the elderly, Gene, Everywhere, is an important reminder of the value of generational relationships.

[Staci · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to get an early copy of Gene, Everywhere! Talya's writing really draws you in and makes you feel a part of the story. I could envision that early morning walk downstairs every day with Gene. What started as a short visit from her father-in-law, turned into six weeks of an inspiring journey. Such a heartwarming relationship between two people in very different places in their lives and how they grow to care so much about each other. Each of them learning things that were missing along the way - patience, cooking, life lessons. You are going to love this one!

[Molly Schraub · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gene, Everywhere is a celebration of the bond between Talya and her father-in-law, Gene. The story is told through the author’s voice as she navigates through the calm and chaos of everyday life with Gene. Talya recognizes that “so many choices made by others set him on a life journey that eventually brought him to my doorstep.” With grace and honesty Talya invites us into the Boerner home to watch and experience a winsome story unfold as “someday gets here fast.” I found myself smiling all over from cover to cover. Gene, Everywhere needs to be your next read!
…. Today I caught my breath when I passed an elderly gentleman in a red sweatshirt. I couldn’t help but smile and say hello.

[Karen McCort · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, my! Where do I begin? I just sadly finished reading Gene, Everywhere and I want you to know that I currently have cauliflower eyes from crying because of the tenderness and love that touched my heart through the beautiful relationship I witnessed reading this lovely book. Don't get me wrong, I not only cried but laughed too! The words in this book flowed so softly and truthfully that I felt I were present with Talya and Gene throughout his visit. Thank you to this wonderful author for a reminder of how precious life is and to open our hearts to those who so tenderly influence us and subtly encourage us to be and do what we truly desire.

[Trent Fleming · Rating 5 out of 5]

Caring for aging parents is a consistent theme among my generation. Some have called us a “sandwich generation” because there are often still children in our homes that need us as well. Talya Tate Boerner takes on this issue in a big way, with a sweeping, transparent story about caring for her father-in-law Gene. Weaving together multiple threads in a way that would make Tom Clancy proud, she addresses the challenges of caring for a loved one while working remotely, raising a high school senior, and trying to keep her own marriage and home on some sort of even keel. She even gives us insights into the beautiful relationships of elderly couples. Compressed into 6 weeks or so, this book will grab you and hold you and make you think.

Having cared for both of my parents through their last days, this book felt very personal to me. I appreciated the frank and open manner that the author employed in describing good days, bad days, and the struggle of making hard decisions for parents who have spent their whole lives making their own decisions. I was brought to tears more than once.

This is a special book, by an author who is finding her voice in a serious way. To read “Gene” is to take a journey deep into the lives of real people, people who try their best to “honor their father and mother.” No matter your stage in life, you will be blessed by this story.

[Jo Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed out loud and cried heartbreaking tears reading about the 6 weeks the author's father-in-law spent at her home. Yes, it was her idea ("Why'd I suggest that?") Yes, the days were sometimes long and upsetting, but eventually this 90 year old man and the author bonded and grew and listened and loved, and they were both enriched and changed by the experience. I loved this book. I will read it again, and I hope some of the lessons rub off on me! Wonderful, Talya!

[Jill Holthoff · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so real and so raw. Talya is brave to put this part of her life out to the world for us to experience too. It’s endearing and beautiful. I enjoyed every page and didn’t want it to end.

[John D. Smart · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed Gene, Everywhere. I particularly liked the author's descriptions of East Dallas, Munger Place and parts of Arkansas that were quite familiar to me. It was like the small thrill one gets when one sees a familiar spot in a television show or movie. There is something satisfying about being able to say or think, "I've been there." I also enjoyed the way the author grew to actually enjoy the company of her father-in-law and ended up wishing he could stay longer, even though he seemed to this reader to be one annoying old coot (albeit a kind and well-meaning coot). Talya Boerner is obviously a highly-principled person with a huge heart. I would have sent Gene packing after 2 days. And giving up the master bedroom? Wow. The Boerners are some seriously generous people. However, I do think that we all owe Gene in no small degree for pushing this talented author to leave regional banking and devote her time to writing, while at the same time giving her something interesting to write about.

[De Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Talya Tate Boerner’s memoir Gene, Everywhere is a delightful and honest story of her relationship with her father-in-law. Her descriptions of their time together range from sweet to frustrating to heartbreaking. And yes, some were comical.
Some of my favorite passages involved their slow descent down the stairs every morning while counting each step and examining the family photos, putting the puzzle together in their own ways, Gene and his affection for Lucy the kitty cat, the pool scene with floating aluminum foil that Mammaw Ruby and Pauline would have rinsed and saved, and his ever present toothpicks that lingered even after he left. Somewhere as I was reading, Gene’s red sweatshirt became his red pullover, yet the transition was subtle, just like the evolution of their relationship.
I loved Gene, Everywhere and I know you will, too. It is wonderfully told. Don’t wait too long to read it because “someday gets here fast.”
(I received a proof copy and agreed to write a review.)

[Lorene Clark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gene, Everywhere by Talya Tate Boerner was a delightful read. It described the experience of having a 90yr old father-in-law for an extended visit. The story is filled with many different emotions and I felt like I was living each one. Talya’s story began by wondering if asking Gene to stay with her and John while Pauline was in the hospital was a good idea. Her struggles included Gene’s eating habits, his behavior and most importantly his red sweatshirt. Throughout the book I experienced the relationship that developed between Talya and Gene. The feelings she described went from doubt to a loving relationship. I especially liked the part when Talya asked Gene to dance with her. That was a special moment.

I was fortunate to get an early copy of this book. I loved Talya’s memoirs of her time with Gene and I think you will too. Get your copy ASAP.

[Trudy · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is no way to sugarcoat the early stages of dementia, but Talya manages to transform six weeks of elder care into a positive experience for her family and her readers. There is warmth in her relationships and her descriptions...of food prepared, modifications devised, and activities arranged. And she’s just as clear on the inevitable frustrations and resentments. Without self-absorption, Talya shows how it’s the unexpected and unplanned that often bring our lives into focus. A wonderfully satisfying read about a phase of life we usually choose not to think about. I received an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Gina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dear Gene,

Thank you for the gentle nudge that encouraged Talya to write. And to Talya, thank you for sharing Gene with us in such an eloquent memoir.

Gene, Everywhere is filled with love, humor, and an honest look into the family dynamics of aging parents and their care.

Highly recommend this easy read.

[Herb Sennett]

I met Talya Boerner at a writers conference in Arkansas (and, yes, there are some pretty amazing writers living in and native to the state of Arkansas. In fact, I graduated from Arkansas State University. Actually, I was in the first graduating class from that university. Actually, its name was changed from college to university on January 1 of the year my wife and I graduated. To tell you the year would betray my extraordinarily long life so far.
Talya captured my heart and imagination during that three-day retreat about five years ago. What intrigued me about her was her infectious smile and impish sense of fun and humor. This book is a great example of that, as is her book absolutely wonderful book all about Gracie Lee--A must-read for anyone who enjoys "down-home humor" and playful personalities.
Where I connected with Gene, Everywhere was the realization that I was robbed of the experience of having to care for an aged parent. Both my parents died in their sixties. So reading about Gene gave me an opportunity to imagine what it may have been like had my dad lived into his nineties.
This story is filled with marvelous anecdotes on relationships, frustrations, and the power love can have on one's own self-hood. Also, I was touched by how well Talya crafted this true account of her experiences and the impact Gene had on her. The real treat in reading this book can be summed up by my reaction to it: I could almost swear I was reading a novel--when in fact, I was enjoying a real-life adventure of someone I consider a friend.
Allow me the personal message: Thank you, Talya, for enriching my life through the wonderful and enchanting way you put words together to make me appreciate knowing you personally!" I highly recommend this book and only hope you experience the touch of someone who has deeply felt and appreciated love by people around her.

[Cindy Pruett · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a delightful read for anyone currently caretaking, going to be caretaking, or have already cared for a family member or loved one. Or for any reader who enjoys a great book along the lines of a memoir. Memoirs are my favorite genre and this is right up there with the best of them. It’s about the relationship that gradually grows more meaningful between a daughter-in-law and her 90 y/o father-in-law who comes to stay with his son, (John) daughter-in-law, (Talya) step grandson, (Tate) and Lucy, the adorable family dog that Gene insists on calling a kitty cat. He is staying with them because Talya invited him out of the blue while his wife recuperated for an extended time in a hospital in Arkansas and was being looked after by her daughter, Jane. Even though Talya and her husband had full-time jobs. Talya had the luxury of working from home during some of this time, although she’d often go to the office late at night to play catch up and honestly to escape the monotonous routine with cantankerous Gene. Simply put, Gene seems to be EVERYWHERE she looked. Had she made a grave mistake for suggesting such a thing? Even though this was a way for them to help out the family and give Gene’s daughter some much needed relief, what was she thinking? Just helping him up and down the staircase the first few days is an exhaustive and dreaded ritual. This will become the most time Talya has ever spent with Gene and he clearly doesn’t relish the idea of the visit either. He thinks he can take care of himself and still harbors a tinge of resentment that his kids took away his car keys after a recent accident. And his medicines - he is obsessed with carrying them around in a paper bag and is skeptical when Talya transfers them to a divided pill holder John had bought. Gradually, Talya thinks of ways to pass the time with Gene and thinking it might even be fun or at least something different to do. So they embark as a family helping work on a 1,000 pc puzzle. Talya quietly (and on the down-low) corrects Gene’s mismatched puzzle pieces he has worked on at the edge of the table. Eventually, she ends up coming up with other things that Gene initially balks at but reluctantly complies. She ends up giving him cooking lessons, playing dominoes with Tate and lets him reminisce about his long and fulfilling life as a traveling salesman. He also becomes genuinely interested in Talya’s life too and asks some pointed questions that she’s not entirely comfortable thinking about, let alone answerI Clearly, Gene is also exhibiting some slight dementia and Talya is Johnny-on-the-spot to enlist the help of a home health agency who assigns an aide to help out so Talya could resumes her day job - albeit, half days. Oh my! Gene is not pleased with this idea either! He is suspicious of the aide and even thinks she might be “struck on him“ which tickles Talya to no end. The book is light-hearted, yet funny in many ways, down-right hilarious In others (like the time when they both were taking out the trash in the pitch dark and somehow both ended up in the backyard swimming pool late on a bitterly cold rainy night (by accident). But it’s Gene’s wisdom and advice he gives Talya that ultimately sets her life on an entirely new adventurous career path. She comes to love this quirky and very special man and feels genuine empathy when they realize he is suffering from PTSD and has outbursts as a result of his traumatic time in the war. Likewise, he eventually comes to trust and love Talya who he admits “took really good care of me” and went on to add, “ better than anyone else ever has!”
You will laugh and you will likely cry during parts of this poignant true story. It gives one a glimpse of what it’s like to put yourself in another’s shoes, no matter the age. We are never so smart we can’t learn something and we’re never too old we can’t learn something new either. And last but not least, the role that sweet Lucy plays is also very heart-warming and tops it off with a big cherry on top! Bravo!!! You’ll LOVE this book! It made me recall and treasure the time I spent with my parents before they passed even more special. Life Lesson: Cherish the time you have on this earth and take time to smell the roses along the way! And maybe, just maybe, you might also discover your passion and do the things you want to do in life,. Afterall, you’re not getting any younger and ‘someday’ gets here FAST.

[Connie Crisp · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gene, Everywhere by Talya Boerner is a heartfelt memoir about a daughter-in-law and her unexpected time with her father-in-law weaving the threads of everyday life with the human connections of two people in different stages of their lives looking for meaning. I went through a myriad of emotions from tears to anger to out loud laughter in this book with an all too common topic of aging parents and the adult children who care for them. The book is aptly names as Gene is still with me in my own life especially when I throw a ball to my dog or make a pot of chicken and dumplings.

[Carolyn T · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story involves a journey you'd prefer not to take with this family, and yet you cannot help but go. Rich. . .Candid. . .Poignant

[Fay Guinn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished reading Talya Tate Boerner’s book “Gene Everywhere.” Dazzles with imagery (“branches . . . return to a more natural position as though rising from prayer”). Tickles the funny bone (“An entire snow family stands in front near the sidewalk. I wave as though they are real people”). Sometimes combines imagery with humor (“It’s as though we are playing a stairwell poker game. I’ll see your bacon, and raise you two tablespoons of milk”). Peppers dialogue and narrative with southern phrases that produce nostalgia of my own childhood (“gol-durn,” “spit nails,” “beats all,” “annoyed Momma to no end”). Inspires with aphorisms (“That’s what it’s all about. Carrying one another”).

This book touched me in a special way. My mom was born the same year as Gene, 1921. Died just eight months before him. I saw so many parallels. I wish I could have had six weeks with my mom like Talya with her father-in-law. Like Talya there are so many questions I wanted to ask.

Thank you, Talya, for the rich, well-written blessing of this book. Though I read it like a writer (no typos!) the story still pierced my heart and the writing so compelling it was hard to put down. I can’t believe this was your first book. It is so masterfully written. Like a third or fourth book. What a gem!

[SusanwithaGoodBook · Rating 4 out of 5]

When Talya offers to have Gene for a visit, she doesn’t realize how long it will be or the impact he will have on her life. It’s both much more difficult than expected, but also much more meaningful as she grows to cherish this stubborn, difficult, but funny and loving man who has come into her home while his wife is ill. He forces her to slow down her busy life and look at it and her childhood memories through a different lens. She comes to accept some things that she cannot change, and to change some things that are yet still in her ability to change. It’s a lovely process.

It seems to me that all of us, if we live long enough, must consider how we will deal with our aging parents, and eventually our own end-of-days time. How will we handle our parents and their needs? How will we give them dignity, but still take care of their real needs, and not just their desires. How will we handle our own needs when we have so much on our plate? When it is our own time will we go easily and be good, kind, and easy to handle? Will we do our best to bend or stubborn ways to ease the passing? These are things I pondered as I read this story. I think it will make for a great Book Club discussion at our next meeting.

[Valeria Gibertoni · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful: a must-read!
I couldn't put down this book! Huge attention to detail that facilitates the reader to be fully part of the daily life of three generations living under the same roof for six weeks. Meticulous narratives of domestic glimpses alternating with complex dynamics dictated by the not easy management of different needs. A tribute to Gene, a man belonging to the greatest generation, written by her daughter-in-law, Talya. While the descriptions revolve around the old protagonist, the figure of Talya emerges, revealing a woman with the contradictions, uncertainties, difficulties of a modern woman in the height of her career, at the same time possessing a deep feeling of love, generosity, maturity, strength, sweetness and firmness. The two develop an unexpected powerful relationship, which becomes the main thread of the story.  A book that accompanied me during these quarantine days and made me reflect on the importance of the generation of the elderly.

[Beth Watson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I am the caretaker for my 89 year old mother and the story resonated deeply with me. Gene Boerner was a lucky man to have such a good person to look after him, feed him, care about his issues and pull him out of his shell. Talya Tate Boerner is that good person and she relays the story with truth and authenticity. I applaud you, Talya. Our elders are a source of wisdom that we will soon lose. It is imperative to make them feel treasured, helpful and able. Throughout this sweet story I witnessed Talya doing those very things. I will remember Talya's care taking skills and learn from them. In the future I will laugh more, ask more questions, and spend more time listening to my Mom. Losing memory isn't funny, but funny things happen during the journey and a sense of humor is imperative to travel the road of elder care. I can see that clearly now. Thank you Talya Tate Boerner for this inspiring book.

[Debbie Glaze · Rating 5 out of 5]

Boerner's unique writing skills are beautifully executed as she shares the unexpected challenges , and uncertainty during an unplanned visit from her aging father in law . Her everyday corporate life style takes many twists and turns. The final navigation results in Boerner making a life changing decision.
A must read for 2020.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful story

Thanks to a Goodreads giveaway for my copy of this book. I enjoyed this book very much, it's such a sweet telling of generations brought together and what it is really like when you try to take care of an elderly parent. It is touching.

[Paula Chism · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most emotionally charged book

This is the second book that I have had the pleasure of reading written by Talya Boerner. I absolutely loved the emotion, the feel of close family and reading of my home in Mississippi County Arkansas. Great job.

[Suzy Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

The sometimes sweet, sometimes funny, sometimes exasperating relationship between Talya and Gene was such a delight to observe. Gene inched his way into his daughter-in-law's heart and – no surprise – quickly gained the favor of her dog, Lucy. The relationship between man and dog made this memoir even sweeter.

Not all in-laws form such a close bond, and it was a privilege to watch Talya and Gene grow closer in surprising ways as they navigated pills, pets ... and pools.

This is a must-read.

[Mike · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written memoir about dealing with an aging family member.

[Julianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

During a time where it seems like I can’t hardly find a moment for my usual reading, I couldn’t help but make the time to sit and read this book. Even if it meant staying up until 1:00 am. Twice. Talya’s candor about her feelings and actions is both revealing and refreshing. She gives us the raw thoughts and emotions that she experienced and let’s us see into the day-to-day of living with her father-in-law, a ninety-year-old man who is in the early stages of dementia. You really feel you are there in East Dallas with them; feeling the tension and the tenderness, smelling the sweet aroma of the food Talya prepares, even dreading that red sweatshirt appearing on Gene one more morning! As Talya gives to Gene as caretaker, Gene in turn gives life lessons to her, and to her readers, as well. I feel this book will resonate with readers in this moment in time especially, as many of us are wondering as Talya did, “What if the routine that shaped my life is no longer enough?” This is a beautifully told story that I think anyone will appreciate and enjoy.

[Jenny Rolland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gene, Everywhere is a memoir that will touch your soul. At some point in our lives, most of us will experience the aging of our parents and face the choices that must be made in dealing with this inevitability. Talya’s ability to impart with beautiful storytelling and honesty her dealings with this change in both her and her father-in-law’s life is what makes this common story uncommon. Gene, Everywhere teaches us that there is still wisdom to be learned from those who have lived their lives and that if we are willing to pay attention, we can find the extraordinary in the ordinary. Though every moment of a life turned upside down can feel unbearable, there is the possibility of something better on the other side if we are willing to open our hearts. Talya’s story is an example of how change can come from the most unexpected places and, like her life, yours will be made the better for it.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being a fan of “Accidental Salvation of Gracie Lee”, Talya’s first published book; I couldn’t wait to read “Gene Everywhere.” I laughed, cried and was reminded of taking care of my father and helping with my in-laws. What precious memories and even regrets this book stirred up in my mind and in my soul.
Some of my favorite quotes from the book are...
“something to do, someone to love and something to look forward to. These three things hold the magic formula for happiness.”
“That’s what it’s all about, carrying one another even unto death.”
Along with all the challenges that come with caring for Gene, there are so many more heartfelt moments of love and happiness!
Talya’s writing pulls you in and doesn’t let go! It was as if I was there in their house watching all these lives being transformed by one precious man.
What a blessing this book was to me and I’m sure it will be a blessing to many.
Thank you for sharing your soul Talya Tate Boerner.
Ps...I especially love Lucy❤️