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The Communication Book: 44 Ideas for Better Conversations Every Day
Mikael Krogerus and Roman Tschäppeler have tested the 44 most important communication theories and distilled them in book form, alongside clear and entertaining illustrations.
Want better conversations? Ask open-ended questions that have no right or wrong answers—make your partner feel brilliant.
Want better meetings? Ban smartphones, use a timer, and make everyone stand up.
Want better business deals? Focus on the thing, rather than the person; on similarities, rather than differences; and on good outcomes, rather than perfect ones.
Whether you want to present ideas more clearly, improve your small talk, or master the art of introspection, The Communication Book delivers, fusing theoretical knowledge and practical advice in a small but mighty package. With sections on work, the self, relationships and language, this book is indispensable for anyone who wants to improve what they say, and how they say it.
208 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 4, 2020
612 people are currently reading
10346 people want to read
About the author
Mikael Krogerus
43 books165 followersMikael Krogerus is a freelance writer for German and Swiss newspapers and magazines. He was a staff writer with NZZ FOLIO, the supplement magazine of Switzerlands leading newspaper Neue Zürcher Zeitung, for five years. Prior to that he worked as a copywriter for various advertising agencies. He’s a graduate of the Kaospilot School. He’s a Finnish citizen and was brought up in Sweden and Germany.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 226 reviews
December 17, 2021
These are my top 10 takeaways:
1. Reciprocity
If you want someone to admit something, start by talking honestly about your own mistakes.
Offer something first. Then ask for what you want.
2. Ethos
We have more trust in a doctor who is wearing a white coat and displaying diplomas on the wall.
Find out what your white coat is.
3. Perspective
Get in the habit of helping and watch your life change.
Don’t say: "no big deal", say: "of course, it’s what partners do for each other".
4. Leadership
Keep using ‘we’ especially when your team has lost.
Go easy on the compliments, otherwise they lose their effect. If you celebrate behavior that you expect, you are lowering standards. Don’t give praise simply to please.
5. Influence
Only say what is true and important, and express it clearly and simply.
Everyone has a voice, but not everyone is heard.
6. Negotiating
You must never try to make all the money that’s in the deal.
Let the other fellow make some money too, because if you have a reputation for always making all the money, you won’t have many deals.
7. Less, but Better
Talk less. You should not try to convince the other person by talking a lot.
Listen, don’t talk. Don’t finish the other person’s sentence.
8. Networking
Be the one person in the group who is interested in the other person’s topics.
A powerful tweak to the usual ‘what do you do for a living’ is ‘what’s keeping you busy these days’.
9. Ownership
Instead of "I’m sorry that your feelings were hurt", say: "I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings". Admit full responsibility for what you did.
Don’t justify your actions. A justification is in effect a denial of the apology.
10. Behavior
It’s not what we read on our smartphone that changes our behavior, but that we are reading it on our smartphone.
We shape our tools and then our tools shape us.
1. Reciprocity
If you want someone to admit something, start by talking honestly about your own mistakes.
Offer something first. Then ask for what you want.
2. Ethos
We have more trust in a doctor who is wearing a white coat and displaying diplomas on the wall.
Find out what your white coat is.
3. Perspective
Get in the habit of helping and watch your life change.
Don’t say: "no big deal", say: "of course, it’s what partners do for each other".
4. Leadership
Keep using ‘we’ especially when your team has lost.
Go easy on the compliments, otherwise they lose their effect. If you celebrate behavior that you expect, you are lowering standards. Don’t give praise simply to please.
5. Influence
Only say what is true and important, and express it clearly and simply.
Everyone has a voice, but not everyone is heard.
6. Negotiating
You must never try to make all the money that’s in the deal.
Let the other fellow make some money too, because if you have a reputation for always making all the money, you won’t have many deals.
7. Less, but Better
Talk less. You should not try to convince the other person by talking a lot.
Listen, don’t talk. Don’t finish the other person’s sentence.
8. Networking
Be the one person in the group who is interested in the other person’s topics.
A powerful tweak to the usual ‘what do you do for a living’ is ‘what’s keeping you busy these days’.
9. Ownership
Instead of "I’m sorry that your feelings were hurt", say: "I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings". Admit full responsibility for what you did.
Don’t justify your actions. A justification is in effect a denial of the apology.
10. Behavior
It’s not what we read on our smartphone that changes our behavior, but that we are reading it on our smartphone.
We shape our tools and then our tools shape us.
February 25, 2024
Стегната, структурирана в четири различни и обхватни раздела, джобна книжка. Всяка концепция първо е илюстрирана с провокираща картинка, последвана от кратък, достъпен текст. За разкош накрая има дори референции към понятия и допълнителна литература. Много полезни напомняния за всякакви ситуации (в развития Запад и в мирна обстановка). Изобщо - швейцарска прецизност в поднасянето, кръстоска между техните часовник с кукувичка и шоколад.
———
▶️ ”Не вярвай на всичко, което мислиш.”
▶️ “Да помислиш нещо не винаги означава да го кажеш, а като го кажеш не винаги означава, че е чуто правилно. Чутото не винаги означава, че е разбрано правилно, а разбирането не винаги означава съгласие. Съгласието не винаги означава, че нещо ще бъде приложено на практика, а прилагането му далеч не означава, че нещата ще продължат така.”
Кондрад Лоренц
June 17, 2018
It lacked realistic description and example of communication theories described. Nevertheless it contains a wide range of topics and theories for building better communication skills.
May 2, 2020
Compendio de 44 teorías o modelos sobre la comunicacuón, muy resumidas, sólo para dar la idea principal de cada una, pero suficiente para empezar a mejorar tus habilidades comunicativas. Creo que habría que saber ya algo de teoría de la comunicación para aprovechar bien las teorías, porque si no, se queda en un simple recetario anecdótico, curioso, de consejos superficiales.
No obstante, es bastante entretenido y, para profundizar, incluye una bibliografía bastante amplia (en inglés, eso sí)
No obstante, es bastante entretenido y, para profundizar, incluye una bibliografía bastante amplia (en inglés, eso sí)
January 1, 2019
Good, succinct presentation. However, every 3rd “bad” example was Trump. Come on. He won world’s hardest battle - US Presidency - by pretty much ONLY communicating over twitter. Ideology aside, many lessons to learn from - could have been a great example in the slightly negative “The Power Method”.
March 14, 2021
concise, fun & useful
July 5, 2020
I read in English but this review is in Bahasa Indonesia
Buku ini berkali-kali menarik perhatian sejak aku bekerja di kantor konsultan bisnis. Rasa-rasanya, memahami seni berkomunikasi akan membawa keuntungan tertentu jika sedang bernegosiasi dengan klien. Sayangnya, aku malah baru sempat membaca ketika sudah berganti profesi. Namun, jika dipikir-pikir, tidak ada ruginya untuk mempertajam kemampuan komunikasi. Suatu saat, pasti akan berguna, juga.
Seperti yang menjadi sub-judul, buku ini berisi 44 ide, atau lebih jelasnya adalah 44 teori komunikasi yang bisa dimengerti dengan mudah oleh orang awam (orang yang secara akademik tidak mempelajari Ilmu Komunikasi). Setiap ide dijelaskan dalam 1 bentuk diagram dan 2 halaman penjelasan yang langsung on point. Ada yang berupa poin-poin, ada yang berupa paragraf yang dilengkapi dengan contoh di dalam keseharian kita.
The Communication Book dibagi menjadi 5 bagian: Job and Career, Self and Knowledge, Love and Friendship, Words and Meaning, dan Conclusion. Masing-masing bagian berisi ide-ide yang memang bisa diterapkan dalam komunikasi bidang itu.
Alih-alih aku mendapatkan insight dari buku ini untuk pengembangan karirku, aku malah paling suka dengan bagian Words and Meaning. Aku memang sempat belajar sedikit tentang berapa teori dalam Ilmu Komunikasi. Membaca bagian itu di buku ini semacam pengingat dalam bentuk yang lebih singkat dan visual (karena dibantu dengan diagram).
Buku ini rasanya cocok bagi teman-teman yang sudah berpikiran untuk mulai mengembangkan karir melalui peningkatan kemampuan diri. Singkat, namun bisa dijadikan alat bantu. Referensi atau bibliografi yang ada di akhir buku juga bisa ditelusur jika masih penasaran dengan kelengkapan teorinya.
Even if you say nothing, you are saying something.
Buku ini berkali-kali menarik perhatian sejak aku bekerja di kantor konsultan bisnis. Rasa-rasanya, memahami seni berkomunikasi akan membawa keuntungan tertentu jika sedang bernegosiasi dengan klien. Sayangnya, aku malah baru sempat membaca ketika sudah berganti profesi. Namun, jika dipikir-pikir, tidak ada ruginya untuk mempertajam kemampuan komunikasi. Suatu saat, pasti akan berguna, juga.
Seperti yang menjadi sub-judul, buku ini berisi 44 ide, atau lebih jelasnya adalah 44 teori komunikasi yang bisa dimengerti dengan mudah oleh orang awam (orang yang secara akademik tidak mempelajari Ilmu Komunikasi). Setiap ide dijelaskan dalam 1 bentuk diagram dan 2 halaman penjelasan yang langsung on point. Ada yang berupa poin-poin, ada yang berupa paragraf yang dilengkapi dengan contoh di dalam keseharian kita.
The Communication Book dibagi menjadi 5 bagian: Job and Career, Self and Knowledge, Love and Friendship, Words and Meaning, dan Conclusion. Masing-masing bagian berisi ide-ide yang memang bisa diterapkan dalam komunikasi bidang itu.
Alih-alih aku mendapatkan insight dari buku ini untuk pengembangan karirku, aku malah paling suka dengan bagian Words and Meaning. Aku memang sempat belajar sedikit tentang berapa teori dalam Ilmu Komunikasi. Membaca bagian itu di buku ini semacam pengingat dalam bentuk yang lebih singkat dan visual (karena dibantu dengan diagram).
Buku ini rasanya cocok bagi teman-teman yang sudah berpikiran untuk mulai mengembangkan karir melalui peningkatan kemampuan diri. Singkat, namun bisa dijadikan alat bantu. Referensi atau bibliografi yang ada di akhir buku juga bisa ditelusur jika masih penasaran dengan kelengkapan teorinya.
A message is more than just what is said. It changes depending on how it is understood.
November 5, 2019
A book that presents 44 ideas on communication that readers can employ in their daily lives to speak more effectively. Each idea presented is very short though (2 pages each) so the ideas don’t feel very impactful even though they’re relatively succinct.
August 8, 2025
Das Buch stellt viele kurze Modelle und Theorien der Kommunikation vor. Ein paar kannte ich schon durch mein Studium, aber ich konnte viel neues Lernen. :)
8/10
8/10
March 18, 2025
Straight to the point.
May 18, 2025
I found this book through a video online and was intrigued by the theories it covers. Excited to deep dive, I was found disappointed by how short and surface level the book was. It didn’t provide any examples or scientific explanations for the ideas. While it had good lists, I would not read this book and instead Google a summary.
October 30, 2018
An exceptional book that distills the best of communication techniques and philosophies.
I would have given it a full cent percent star rating but what bothers me is that this book still could have carried messages on communicating during times of distress and in areas related to anger management. My wish could be far fetched but remains to show that there is room for 2nd volume to this book. I am certainly eager to get my hands on it if they publish a follow up book with more condensed theories on communication - something that seems so mundane, routine and easy yet is beyond the grasping clutches of all of us.
Plenty to learn and practice. Here's a book that will stick to you for the rest of your life and serve as a quick reference in case you flip through the pages even after reading through the book for the first time.
I would have given it a full cent percent star rating but what bothers me is that this book still could have carried messages on communicating during times of distress and in areas related to anger management. My wish could be far fetched but remains to show that there is room for 2nd volume to this book. I am certainly eager to get my hands on it if they publish a follow up book with more condensed theories on communication - something that seems so mundane, routine and easy yet is beyond the grasping clutches of all of us.
Plenty to learn and practice. Here's a book that will stick to you for the rest of your life and serve as a quick reference in case you flip through the pages even after reading through the book for the first time.
May 9, 2019
For me as communication and PR student this was an amazing catalogue of previously studied theories.
Of course, each of the section would call for more deeper insight, but as mentioned - good way how to refresh already known theories and good inspiration to check out some “unheard” ones.
The BIG bonus - visualisations :) Truly good “summary” of theory with some good sarcasm pitch. :)
Of course, each of the section would call for more deeper insight, but as mentioned - good way how to refresh already known theories and good inspiration to check out some “unheard” ones.
The BIG bonus - visualisations :) Truly good “summary” of theory with some good sarcasm pitch. :)
July 2, 2021
Worth reading and then getting obsessed with reading deeper into the subjects brought up.
February 15, 2024
Gara-gara Pemilu dan sering mengamati tokoh-tokoh yang bicaranya keren, saya jadi termotivasi dan pengen punya strategi komunikasi yang lebih baik.
Maka mulailah saya mencari buku tentang komunikasi.
Buku yang saya punya merupakan versi terjemahan dari Renebook. Isinya ternyata lumayan menarik, ada 44 ide komunikasi yang bisa diterapkan
dalam kehidupan sehari-hari agar dapat berbicara lebih efektif.
Tiap ide dibahas secara ringkas dan to the point, rata-rata sekitar 2 halaman. Jadi nggak ngabisin waktu baca dikala sibuk melanda.
Ada 1 hal yang menarik yang ingin saya ceritakan kembali di sini.
Ernest Hemingway pernah mengklaim bahwa ia bisa menulis novel dalam enam kata. Saat teman-temannya bertaruh $10 bahwa ia cuma membual, Hemingway udah selesai menulis di kertas tisu, “Dijual : sepatu bayi, belum pernah dipakai.”
Kalimat singkat yang bisa menggambarkan sebuah kesedihan kehilangan bayi.
Selain itu Larry Smith, pendiri dan editor majalah Smith, punya pertanyaan standar dalam beberapa wawancara, “Bisakah Anda menyampaikan kisah hidup Anda dalam enam kata?”
Langsung mikir kan? Wkwk.
Prinsip enam kata membuat kita tidak berbelit-belit atau ngalor ngidul yang tidak ada ujungnya. Sehingga sebelum menulis atau berbicara, kita bisa mengajukan pertanyaan ini pada diri sendiri: Apa yang benar-benar ingin saya katakan dan bisakah saya mengatakannya dengan lebih ringkas?
Buku bagus, praktis dan bisa dibaca berulang-ulang untuk diterapkan dalam kehidupan sehari-sehari.
Maka mulailah saya mencari buku tentang komunikasi.
Buku yang saya punya merupakan versi terjemahan dari Renebook. Isinya ternyata lumayan menarik, ada 44 ide komunikasi yang bisa diterapkan
dalam kehidupan sehari-hari agar dapat berbicara lebih efektif.
Tiap ide dibahas secara ringkas dan to the point, rata-rata sekitar 2 halaman. Jadi nggak ngabisin waktu baca dikala sibuk melanda.
Ada 1 hal yang menarik yang ingin saya ceritakan kembali di sini.
Ernest Hemingway pernah mengklaim bahwa ia bisa menulis novel dalam enam kata. Saat teman-temannya bertaruh $10 bahwa ia cuma membual, Hemingway udah selesai menulis di kertas tisu, “Dijual : sepatu bayi, belum pernah dipakai.”
Kalimat singkat yang bisa menggambarkan sebuah kesedihan kehilangan bayi.
Selain itu Larry Smith, pendiri dan editor majalah Smith, punya pertanyaan standar dalam beberapa wawancara, “Bisakah Anda menyampaikan kisah hidup Anda dalam enam kata?”
Langsung mikir kan? Wkwk.
Prinsip enam kata membuat kita tidak berbelit-belit atau ngalor ngidul yang tidak ada ujungnya. Sehingga sebelum menulis atau berbicara, kita bisa mengajukan pertanyaan ini pada diri sendiri: Apa yang benar-benar ingin saya katakan dan bisakah saya mengatakannya dengan lebih ringkas?
Buku bagus, praktis dan bisa dibaca berulang-ulang untuk diterapkan dalam kehidupan sehari-sehari.
July 23, 2024
4 зірки - якшо сприймати цю книжку, як каталог для high-level ознайомлення і подальшого занурення у різні комунікаційні теорії; хороша рецензія
3 зірки - якшо сприймати цю книжку як самодостатню роботу для читання від початку до кінця як є, бо все ж не завжди 2 сторінки опису і картинка можуть вповні донести ідею чи теорію без хоча б базового знання в сферах маркетингу, риторики, комунікацій, піару тощо.
3 зірки - якшо сприймати цю книжку як самодостатню роботу для читання від початку до кінця як є, бо все ж не завжди 2 сторінки опису і картинка можуть вповні донести ідею чи теорію без хоча б базового знання в сферах маркетингу, риторики, комунікацій, піару тощо.
May 30, 2022
Creo que en muchos aspectos es demasiado conciso, hay conceptos que sirven solo para presentartelos... Eso sí te deja en cada uno, una detallada bibliografía a la que acudir si te sientes con ganas de profundizar en uno de los temas.
Así que deja mucho con la miel en los labios en muchos sentidos, también hay que decir a su favor que los temas que trata no son nada nada sencillos, y que esperar de algo que te venden como eso mismo escueto y al grano.
Pero para mí sería para serle fiel al contenido escueto y la presentación.
Así que deja mucho con la miel en los labios en muchos sentidos, también hay que decir a su favor que los temas que trata no son nada nada sencillos, y que esperar de algo que te venden como eso mismo escueto y al grano.
Pero para mí sería para serle fiel al contenido escueto y la presentación.
June 24, 2025
An interesting book that allows you to get your foot in the door for watered down psychological theories and their prevailing take aways. Would be a decent introduction for someone motivated on identifying individuals or studies that they want to explore more deeply.
October 30, 2024
It’s like a nice summary of several other books. Good for if you want communication book recommendations.
December 1, 2024
Best primer on various communication theories. Bite-sized, interesting and informative. I have already added the authors' all other books to my wishlist. :-)
December 6, 2020
Few chapters were helpful but most of the things mentioned in this book are known facts by everyone.
March 23, 2025
4,0/5 ⭐️
January 14, 2023
The Communication Book is a valuable resource for anyone looking to enhance their communication skills and have more productive, meaningful conversations and this book provides 44 concrete ideas for having better conversations, each presented in a brief, easy-to-read format.
⚡ One particular idea from the book is the importance of being mindful of body language and nonverbal cues in communication. Krogerus suggests paying attention to posture, eye contact, and facial expressions, as these can all convey meaning and impact the way a message is received.
Here are few key ideas from this book.
⚡ Use "I" statements to express your own thoughts and feelings, rather than placing blame on others.
⚡ Practice empathy by trying to understand the perspective of the person you are speaking with.
⚡ Avoid interrupting others while they are speaking.
⚡ Seek to understand the underlying needs and motivations of the person you are communicating with.
⚡ Use open-ended questions to encourage more in-depth conversation.
⚡ Be aware of your own biases and strive to be open-minded when communicating with others.
⚡ Practice clear and concise communication by avoiding jargon and using simple language.
⚡ Pay attention to your tone of voice and try to be mindful of how it may be perceived.
⚡ Allow for silence in conversation, as it can give both parties time to think and process.
⚡ One particular idea from the book is the importance of being mindful of body language and nonverbal cues in communication. Krogerus suggests paying attention to posture, eye contact, and facial expressions, as these can all convey meaning and impact the way a message is received.
Here are few key ideas from this book.
⚡ Use "I" statements to express your own thoughts and feelings, rather than placing blame on others.
⚡ Practice empathy by trying to understand the perspective of the person you are speaking with.
⚡ Avoid interrupting others while they are speaking.
⚡ Seek to understand the underlying needs and motivations of the person you are communicating with.
⚡ Use open-ended questions to encourage more in-depth conversation.
⚡ Be aware of your own biases and strive to be open-minded when communicating with others.
⚡ Practice clear and concise communication by avoiding jargon and using simple language.
⚡ Pay attention to your tone of voice and try to be mindful of how it may be perceived.
⚡ Allow for silence in conversation, as it can give both parties time to think and process.
April 28, 2020
Introductory book into some generic theories of communication, reasoning and debating. There were some nice reminders of the works of Kahneman, the ancient Greeks and alikes, but for the theories that I haven't hear of I could not grasp the ideas behind them in the couple of paragraphs format they were presented. When I bought the book (for quite a price), I thought I would use it as a reference for immersing into the theories, but the fact that the ideas are so succinct somehow defeats the purpose since I could not really discriminate between them.
May 10, 2018
The book create a mixed response to readers, If you are fiction reader this book may look interesting but to other the topic discussed was not discussed properly..
It's more like a Dictionary just give meaning but fail to deliver the required stuff..
It's an travel read and nothing else..
Positive side two chapter
Small talk
The Speech Act Theory
was good to read..
It's more like a Dictionary just give meaning but fail to deliver the required stuff..
It's an travel read and nothing else..
Positive side two chapter
Small talk
The Speech Act Theory
was good to read..
March 28, 2021
Straight to the point and easy to read through. I read this book in 2019. To this day I still use some of it's points in my daily life.
May 2, 2023
My fav quotes (not a review):
-Page 11 |"The nay-sayer’s purpose in life seems to be to pull apart other people’s suggestions."
-Page 20 |"‘There was once a Finn who loved his wife so much that he almost told her.’ It’s a joke, and yet not a joke. Because many Finns are indeed introverted, ""taciturn people."
-Page 24 |"Ask for advice People love giving advice. So, start your small talk with a request for advice: ‘I want to buy a smartphone [or a cocktail or a book], but I ""can’t decide which one.’ Most people will happily open up. Then thank them for the tip and the other person will feel like a fireman who has successfully ""extinguished a fire. The psychology behind this: if you ask for advice, you create intimacy: intimacy makes rejection difficult. Therefore, if you want to ""influence someone, it is a good idea to ask that person for advice first."
-Page 25 |"tweak to the usual ‘What do you do for a living?’ job question: ‘What’s keeping you busy these days?’"
-Page 27 |"The best way to ‘lower the waterline’ of your opponent or partner is to show more of yourself. If you, for example, want someone to admit something, start ""by talking honestly about your own mistakes."
-Page 29 |"Let’s take an example. If you say to a couple who happen to be sitting next to you: ‘I hereby declare you husband and wife’, then the ‘proposition’ is the ""same as what a vicar would say at a marriage ceremony in a church. The difference: the sentence is just words. But spoken by a vicar the sentence has weight ""and effect; it is ‘illocutionary’ and seals the marriage."
-Page 30 |"Apologizing means taking on full responsibility for something. Sentences like ‘I’m sorry that your feelings were hurt’, or ‘I’m sorry that you’re so angry’, ""should be avoided (because what you’re implying is: it doesn’t have anything to do with me that your feelings are hurt). Say it like it is: ‘I’m sorry that ""I hurt your feelings.’ According to the research, a person is most likely to forgive and forget if you admit full responsibility for what you did."
-Page 36 |"Proust’s questions have three key qualities: 1. They are open questions that you cannot answer with yes or no. 2. The questions require no prior knowledge; ""in other words, there are no right or wrong answers, only honest ones. 3. They are questions that centre on your counterpart rather than on you."
-Page 43 |"A second-order observer could give them another perspective: the couple could move into the woman’s flat, but on the condition that it becomes a shared flat ""that they move into as if it were new. This means she has to first ‘move out’ of her flat, before the two of them ‘move in’ and refurbish it."
-Page 45 |"Implement threats immediately: children learn more quickly and effectively if you carry out your threats straight away. Instead of taking away a toy once ""for a whole week (long duration, small effect), it is better to take away the toy ten times for two minutes (small duration, big effect). · Praise an ""action, not the child: ‘What you’re doing is great’ is better than ‘You’re great.’ · Ignore bad behaviour: when a child does not behave according to your ""expectations, but isn’t putting himself or others in danger, it is better to ignore him than to rebuke him (‘selective attention’). · Offer alternatives: ""give your child different options, but never more than two, and only if an alternative makes sense (there is no alternative to teeth brushing)."
-Page 46 |"Ask questions that can be answered: ‘How was school today?’ is as difficult for your child to answer as it would be for you to answer: ‘How was March to ""April 2014 for you?’"
-Page 46 |"‘It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.’"
-Page 53 |"‘When I die I want my tombstone to say “Free WiFi” so people will visit more often.’"
-Page 54 |"A message is more than just what is said. It changes depending on how it is understood. Let’s put this into practice: if you are a leader, always make your ""team repeat to you how they have understood your message. (That is, by the way, the reason why co-pilots always repeat what they just heard the pilot say.)"
-Page 62 |"‘I don’t care about opening sentences. All I care about is the last sentence. It’s the sentence the reader will go to bed with.’"
-Page 11 |"The nay-sayer’s purpose in life seems to be to pull apart other people’s suggestions."
-Page 20 |"‘There was once a Finn who loved his wife so much that he almost told her.’ It’s a joke, and yet not a joke. Because many Finns are indeed introverted, ""taciturn people."
-Page 24 |"Ask for advice People love giving advice. So, start your small talk with a request for advice: ‘I want to buy a smartphone [or a cocktail or a book], but I ""can’t decide which one.’ Most people will happily open up. Then thank them for the tip and the other person will feel like a fireman who has successfully ""extinguished a fire. The psychology behind this: if you ask for advice, you create intimacy: intimacy makes rejection difficult. Therefore, if you want to ""influence someone, it is a good idea to ask that person for advice first."
-Page 25 |"tweak to the usual ‘What do you do for a living?’ job question: ‘What’s keeping you busy these days?’"
-Page 27 |"The best way to ‘lower the waterline’ of your opponent or partner is to show more of yourself. If you, for example, want someone to admit something, start ""by talking honestly about your own mistakes."
-Page 29 |"Let’s take an example. If you say to a couple who happen to be sitting next to you: ‘I hereby declare you husband and wife’, then the ‘proposition’ is the ""same as what a vicar would say at a marriage ceremony in a church. The difference: the sentence is just words. But spoken by a vicar the sentence has weight ""and effect; it is ‘illocutionary’ and seals the marriage."
-Page 30 |"Apologizing means taking on full responsibility for something. Sentences like ‘I’m sorry that your feelings were hurt’, or ‘I’m sorry that you’re so angry’, ""should be avoided (because what you’re implying is: it doesn’t have anything to do with me that your feelings are hurt). Say it like it is: ‘I’m sorry that ""I hurt your feelings.’ According to the research, a person is most likely to forgive and forget if you admit full responsibility for what you did."
-Page 36 |"Proust’s questions have three key qualities: 1. They are open questions that you cannot answer with yes or no. 2. The questions require no prior knowledge; ""in other words, there are no right or wrong answers, only honest ones. 3. They are questions that centre on your counterpart rather than on you."
-Page 43 |"A second-order observer could give them another perspective: the couple could move into the woman’s flat, but on the condition that it becomes a shared flat ""that they move into as if it were new. This means she has to first ‘move out’ of her flat, before the two of them ‘move in’ and refurbish it."
-Page 45 |"Implement threats immediately: children learn more quickly and effectively if you carry out your threats straight away. Instead of taking away a toy once ""for a whole week (long duration, small effect), it is better to take away the toy ten times for two minutes (small duration, big effect). · Praise an ""action, not the child: ‘What you’re doing is great’ is better than ‘You’re great.’ · Ignore bad behaviour: when a child does not behave according to your ""expectations, but isn’t putting himself or others in danger, it is better to ignore him than to rebuke him (‘selective attention’). · Offer alternatives: ""give your child different options, but never more than two, and only if an alternative makes sense (there is no alternative to teeth brushing)."
-Page 46 |"Ask questions that can be answered: ‘How was school today?’ is as difficult for your child to answer as it would be for you to answer: ‘How was March to ""April 2014 for you?’"
-Page 46 |"‘It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.’"
-Page 53 |"‘When I die I want my tombstone to say “Free WiFi” so people will visit more often.’"
-Page 54 |"A message is more than just what is said. It changes depending on how it is understood. Let’s put this into practice: if you are a leader, always make your ""team repeat to you how they have understood your message. (That is, by the way, the reason why co-pilots always repeat what they just heard the pilot say.)"
-Page 62 |"‘I don’t care about opening sentences. All I care about is the last sentence. It’s the sentence the reader will go to bed with.’"
January 12, 2024
My wife sent me a picture of a stack of books from a post that called them “20 Books To Read In Your 20s”.
I’d read three already (and can only really recommend one of those, McRaven’s Make Your Bed), so I decided to see if there was any merit to the rest of the stack.
This one is a yes, with caveats. I'd read the authors' The Decision Book and The Question Book and was quite disappointed with both. Still, open mind and all, I gave this a shot. Twenty-something me might have liked this more. Current-something me (forty years later) would tell twenty-something me to read with a critical eye (but I probably wouldn't have listened.)
Unlike the other two, this one does have some value. This might be the best takeaway:
“But before writing (or speaking), you should ask yourself these questions: What do I really want to say and can I say it more succinctly?”
And this is good: “And in 1984 the communication researcher Walter Fisher came up with a radical thesis: people do not want logical arguments; they want good stories. ”
But... “Negotiating properly means that everyone gets more than they originally hoped for”
No. In a succesful negotiation, both parties are satisfied, which may be less than what they hoped for but still acceptable. (Compromise, on the other hand, leaves both parties unhappy.)
The authors again use some quotes of questonable origin. “Most theories in this book argue that good communication has to do with cooperation. But in reality it’s sometimes a different story. It is no coincidence that the book The 48 Laws of Power , a compilation of classic power strategies by the American author Robert Greene, was a bestseller.” That's not a good book at all ... a bunch of unsourced anecdotes (a BUNCH of anecdotes...multiple per "law") draped in the author's interpretations of applicability. And this came from that:
“Oysters open completely when the moon is full; and when the crab sees one it throws a piece of stone or seaweed into it and the oyster cannot close again, so that it serves the crab for meat. Such is the fate of him who opens his mouth too much and thereby puts himself at the mercy of the listener.’ - Leonardo da Vinci”
Weird. The only source I could find is Greene’s book. And,
“In the twentieth century 'I think, therefore I am' no longer applies, but rather 'Others are thinking of me, therefore I am.' - Peter Sloterdijk”
I couldn't find a source for that one.
A few more highlights:
“Celeste Headlee put it brilliantly in a TEDx speech: ‘If they’re talking about having lost a family member, don’t start talking about the time you lost a family member. If they’re talking about the trouble they’re having at work, don’t tell them about how much you hate your job. It’s not the same. It’s never the same. All experiences are individual. And, more importantly, it’s not about you.”
Take heed
“Don’t ask: ‘What do you do for a living?” Ask instead “What’s keeping you busy these days?”
Second time this has popped up this week. Good stuff.
“Red lie – no one benefits: this is the lowest form of lying. Saying something with complete awareness that the other person knows the statement to be false, even if you sometimes end up also inflicting damage on yourself: ‘The largest audience ever to witness an inauguration.”
Hah!
“Who would you prefer to be?’, ‘How would you like to die?’ and ‘Which characteristics do you most appreciate in a man?
1. They are open questions that you cannot answer with yes or no.
2. The questions require no prior knowledge; in other words, there are no right or wrong answers, only honest ones.
3. They are questions that centre on your counterpart rather than on you.”
“The psychiatrist Eric Berne (1910–70), however, believed that you do not have to go on a painful journey into your past to get to know yourself; it is enough to observe yourself in communication with others.”
Do I need to read Berne? I did read some a long time ago (Games People Play).
“The term l’esprit de l’escalier (“staircase wit”) refers to opinions and ideas that we express with clear, polished pithiness – and which always occur to us too late. ”
Section title: “WORDS AND MEANINGS”
Words matter
“Good reasoning aims to convince, but it also lets itself be convinced. Simply put, it is the search for truth.· Bad reasoning has no interest in the truth; it is simply about wanting to be right.”
I’d read three already (and can only really recommend one of those, McRaven’s Make Your Bed), so I decided to see if there was any merit to the rest of the stack.
This one is a yes, with caveats. I'd read the authors' The Decision Book and The Question Book and was quite disappointed with both. Still, open mind and all, I gave this a shot. Twenty-something me might have liked this more. Current-something me (forty years later) would tell twenty-something me to read with a critical eye (but I probably wouldn't have listened.)
Unlike the other two, this one does have some value. This might be the best takeaway:
“But before writing (or speaking), you should ask yourself these questions: What do I really want to say and can I say it more succinctly?”
And this is good: “And in 1984 the communication researcher Walter Fisher came up with a radical thesis: people do not want logical arguments; they want good stories. ”
But... “Negotiating properly means that everyone gets more than they originally hoped for”
No. In a succesful negotiation, both parties are satisfied, which may be less than what they hoped for but still acceptable. (Compromise, on the other hand, leaves both parties unhappy.)
The authors again use some quotes of questonable origin. “Most theories in this book argue that good communication has to do with cooperation. But in reality it’s sometimes a different story. It is no coincidence that the book The 48 Laws of Power , a compilation of classic power strategies by the American author Robert Greene, was a bestseller.” That's not a good book at all ... a bunch of unsourced anecdotes (a BUNCH of anecdotes...multiple per "law") draped in the author's interpretations of applicability. And this came from that:
“Oysters open completely when the moon is full; and when the crab sees one it throws a piece of stone or seaweed into it and the oyster cannot close again, so that it serves the crab for meat. Such is the fate of him who opens his mouth too much and thereby puts himself at the mercy of the listener.’ - Leonardo da Vinci”
Weird. The only source I could find is Greene’s book. And,
“In the twentieth century 'I think, therefore I am' no longer applies, but rather 'Others are thinking of me, therefore I am.' - Peter Sloterdijk”
I couldn't find a source for that one.
A few more highlights:
“Celeste Headlee put it brilliantly in a TEDx speech: ‘If they’re talking about having lost a family member, don’t start talking about the time you lost a family member. If they’re talking about the trouble they’re having at work, don’t tell them about how much you hate your job. It’s not the same. It’s never the same. All experiences are individual. And, more importantly, it’s not about you.”
Take heed
“Don’t ask: ‘What do you do for a living?” Ask instead “What’s keeping you busy these days?”
Second time this has popped up this week. Good stuff.
“Red lie – no one benefits: this is the lowest form of lying. Saying something with complete awareness that the other person knows the statement to be false, even if you sometimes end up also inflicting damage on yourself: ‘The largest audience ever to witness an inauguration.”
Hah!
“Who would you prefer to be?’, ‘How would you like to die?’ and ‘Which characteristics do you most appreciate in a man?
1. They are open questions that you cannot answer with yes or no.
2. The questions require no prior knowledge; in other words, there are no right or wrong answers, only honest ones.
3. They are questions that centre on your counterpart rather than on you.”
“The psychiatrist Eric Berne (1910–70), however, believed that you do not have to go on a painful journey into your past to get to know yourself; it is enough to observe yourself in communication with others.”
Do I need to read Berne? I did read some a long time ago (Games People Play).
“The term l’esprit de l’escalier (“staircase wit”) refers to opinions and ideas that we express with clear, polished pithiness – and which always occur to us too late. ”
Section title: “WORDS AND MEANINGS”
Words matter
“Good reasoning aims to convince, but it also lets itself be convinced. Simply put, it is the search for truth.· Bad reasoning has no interest in the truth; it is simply about wanting to be right.”
Read
January 14, 2024If your social synapses sometimes fizzle out mid-sentence, leaving you yearning for smoother interactions, then Mikael Krogerus and Roman Tschappeler's "The Communication Book" is a balm for your conversational woes. This pocket-sized powerhouse packs 44 actionable ideas, spread across four key domains: Work, The Self, Relationships, and Language. But forget dry, dusty theory – these bite-sized chapters, each brimming with humor and engaging illustrations, make digesting communication concepts as easy as reading a comic book.
The book's true brilliance lies in its practicality. Each idea comes equipped with clear explanations, relatable examples, and concrete steps to put it into practice. Whether you're struggling to navigate office politics, nurture a flickering romance, or simply conquer the dreaded small talk monster, there's a nugget of wisdom waiting to be unearthed.
While the focus is practical, the book avoids becoming a soulless recipe book for social interactions. The authors sprinkle in fascinating glimpses into psychology, communication theory, and even neuroscience, offering a glimpse into the fascinating inner workings of conversation.
And don't be fooled by the lighthearted tone – the book tackles weighty topics with honesty and depth. From cultivating self-awareness to navigating difficult conversations, "The Communication Book" doesn't shy away from the messy realities of human interaction.
Ultimately, "The Communication Book" is an accessible, engaging, and empowering guide to becoming a more confident and effective communicator. Whether you're a social butterfly in need of a polish or a wallflower yearning to bloom, this book offers a bouquet of actionable tips to help you blossom in the garden of conversation. So, grab a copy, unleash your inner wordsmith, and get ready to have some truly meaningful exchanges
Read
July 24, 2025The Communication Book: 44 Ide Strategis untuk Komunikasi yang Lebih Baik karya Mikael Krogerus dan Roman Tschäppeler adalah buku praktis yang berisi kumpulan 44 teori dan model komunikasi yang dirancang untuk membantu siapa pun berkomunikasi dengan lebih efektif, baik dalam kehidupan pribadi maupun profesional. Setiap bab membahas satu ide yang bisa langsung diterapkan, disampaikan dengan bahasa yang sederhana dan visual menarik, sehingga mudah dipahami. Inti dari buku ini adalah bahwa komunikasi yang baik bukan hanya soal berbicara, tapi juga mendengarkan, memahami konteks, dan menyesuaikan pesan dengan audiens. Beberapa poin penting yang bisa disorot dari buku ini antara lain: Model Laswell untuk memahami alur komunikasi dari siapa, pesan apa, melalui media apa, kepada siapa, dan efeknya; Johari Window untuk meningkatkan kesadaran diri dan membangun keterbukaan; Active Listening agar kita bisa menjadi pendengar yang lebih empatik dan hadir sepenuhnya; aturan 10-20-30 dari Guy Kawasaki untuk membuat presentasi lebih efektif; serta teori high context vs low context untuk memahami gaya komunikasi lintas budaya. Selain itu, buku ini juga memberi tips cara menyampaikan ide secara singkat namun menarik lewat teknik elevator pitch. Secara keseluruhan, buku ini sangat cocok dibaca oleh siapa saja yang ingin mengembangkan keterampilan komunikasi tidak hanya untuk menjadi pembicara yang baik, tetapi juga untuk menjadi komunikator yang lebih sadar, responsif, dan nyambung dengan lawan bicara.
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