Dating Differently: A Guide to Reformed Dating

by Joshua Engelsma

We’re bombarded with antichristian messages everywhere in life, and from casual hookups to casual sex, our culture’s messages on dating are no different.

But Christians don’t have to follow these norms. The Bible gives us a better way.

It’s a way of chastity and wisdom. A way that understands that marriage—the end goal of dating—is for life. The person you marry will shape who you become spiritually. And that person will also be the father or mother to the children God is pleased to give you some day.

Pastorally and accessibly, Joshua Engelsma answers the practical questions of Reformed, Christian dating based on the truth that we must date differently—with marriage as the goal and scripture as the guide.

160 pages, Paperback

Published October 15, 2019

Reviews

[Lacey Leazer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book! I personally am past the season of dating before marriage so this book didn’t apply to the specific season of life that I am in but it did not matter I still throughly enjoyed it. It was great to read and it offered so much wisdom to those who are not yet married. I loved how full of scripture this book was and the way it was laid out. It starts at the beginning by talking about marriage to give you an idea of why you date in the first place. I never have heard of the author but I am now curious to read other books he has written. I highly recommend to anyone looking for a book on dating to read this!! Oh and I can’t forget he quotes Kevin DeYoung so for all you fans please just read this!!!

[Kelley Orr · Rating 4 out of 5]

I will be recommending this to students and friends who want to learn more about dating as a Christian!!Overall it is extremly helpful and biblical, filled with scripture! (Only a few very small things I wasn't sure I fully agreed with, but you can find things to disagree with in any book!) And despite how long it took me, it is a very easy read!

Also I'm still not sure what makes it specifically reformed lol, I think it could probably just be called "a guide to Christian dating".

[Alyssa Cristofanelli · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was great!! Very practical and applicable to life!! Also a very easy read!

[Sara Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This guy basically put all the advice I would ever give about dating into a book which is just amazing. Although I wouldn’t agree with all of his advice and opinions, this book is explicit in the way we should date as Christians and gives scripture references for his principles. No book is perfect but I would recommend this to a student who is dating or considering dating soon!

[Cam Chatterson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dating Differently by Engelsma is an interesting book! For me, this is a book that I appreciated to read, but are principles that I have already pretty well known. He has some good tid-bits! He also has some takes that I do not know where I lie. For instance, he argues that in a dating relationship, the man should lead the relationship spiritually. Though there is probably good arguments for this, he didn’t go super in-depth with that, considering this is a smaller book that is a “Guide to Reformed Dating.” Being in more Reformed Baptist circles, and now Reformed Presbyterian circles, I feel like I have been taught this, but still am not sure how it is practiced as I would NOT married to my girlfriend, but still want to show intentionality in pointing her to Christ, and loving her as Christ loves the church, (but in a brotherly way).

I think this book is great for young people ages 17-20 who would start dating more seriously, as it really does have good principles to help you ask questions or figure out what godly dating looks like. I additionally think this would be good for those who recently have converted to Christianity and want to know what godly dating looks like and or basic principles laid out from the Bible. I wouldn’t say this book is specifically “Reformed,” but is instead “Christian,” as though there are arguments to be made, this model honours the church, honours the couple, honours the parents, and most importantly honours Christ!

[Jonathan Suggs · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. Here are my general thoughts:
• The book should just be called “Christian” dating. I don’t get the emphasis on being reformed over Christian. It comes across to me as unnecessarily divisive and pretentious even though I love reformed theology.
• It seemed only to highlight truth and make no mention of the beauty and goodness of God’s wisdom.
• There’s nothing in here you’re not really going to get anywhere else.
• However, there were helpful tidbits and reminders scattered throughout.