How to Be a Bad Emperor: An Ancient Guide to Truly Terrible Leaders

Ancient Wisdom for Modern Readers

by Suetonius, Josiah Osgood (Editor)

What would Caligula do? What the worst Roman emperors can teach us about how not to lead

If recent history has taught us anything, it's that sometimes the best guide to leadership is the negative example. But that insight is hardly new. Nearly 2,000 years ago, Suetonius wrote Lives of the Caesars, perhaps the greatest negative leadership book of all time. He was ideally suited to write about terrible political leaders; after all, he was also the author of Famous Prostitutes and Words of Insult, both sadly lost. In How to Be a Bad Emperor, Josiah Osgood provides crisp new translations of Suetonius's briskly paced, darkly comic biographies of the Roman emperors Julius Caesar, Tiberius, Caligula, and Nero. Entertaining and shocking, the stories of these ancient anti-role models show how power inflames leaders' worst tendencies, causing almost incalculable damage.

Complete with an introduction and the original Latin on facing pages, How to Be a Bad Emperor is both a gleeful romp through some of the nastiest bits of Roman history and a perceptive account of leadership gone monstrously awry. We meet Caesar, using his aunt's funeral to brag about his descent from gods and kings--and hiding his bald head with a comb-over and a laurel crown; Tiberius, neglecting public affairs in favor of wine, perverse sex, tortures, and executions; the insomniac sadist Caligula, flaunting his skill at cruel put-downs; and the matricide Nero, indulging his mania for public performance.

In a world bristling with strongmen eager to cast themselves as the Caesars of our day, How to Be a Bad Emperor is a delightfully enlightening guide to the dangers of power without character.

Genres: History, Nonfiction, Philosophy, Classics, Biography, Politics, Ancient History

312 pages, Hardcover

First published February 4, 2020

About the author

Gaius Suetonius Tranquillus, commonly known as Suetonius (ca. 69/75 - after 130), was a Roman historian belonging to the equestrian order in the early Imperial era. His most important surviving work is a set of biographies of twelve successive Roman rulers, from Julius Caesar until Domitian, entitled De Vita Caesarum. Other works by Suetonius concern the daily life of Rome, politics, oratory, and the lives of famous writers, including poets, historians, and grammarians. A few of these books have partially survived, but many are entirely lost.

Reviews

[Matthew Devereux ∞ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It is a parallel text, Latin and English, and it was quite a fun little challenge to read some Latin in the original (extracts from Suetonius's "Lives" about Julius Caesar, Tiberius, Caligula and Nero) a mere 28 years after I did GCSE Latin at school (the main secondary exam taken in the UK at 16, while A-Levels are taken at 18). It's a guide really on how not to rule - putting oneself forward over the rest of the polity such as the Senate because one considers oneself a deity; killing and torturing people; attempting to make your horse a consul in the case of Caligula as well as having sex with his sisters and prostituting the wives of the senators (not the best way to get powerful people in Rome on side). I don't know how entirely accurate Suetonius is - he fell out of favour with Hadrian and lost his civil service position after an apparent affair with Hadrian's wife and then wrote about the emperors - but if it is true it's pretty staggering how bonkers some of the Roman emperors were. Not entirely surprising, then, that emperors kept getting bumped off by the Praetorian Guard, which is an irony seeing as the Guard's entire purpose in life was to protect the emperor!

[Armand · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well. At least I now know which mistakes to avoid when I finally ascend to the purple.

8.5/10; 4 stars.

[Massimo Pigliucci · Rating 5 out of 5]

Why would you want to read a guide to being a truly terrible leader? So that you can spot them and not vote for them! Of course, nobody voted for ancient Roman emperors, but Suetonius' insights are still valid today. The original covers 12 emperors, from Julius Caesar (who was not actually an emperor, but got the whole thing started) to Domitian, the guy who expelled all the philosophers from Italy, on the charge of speaking truth to power, as we would say today. This sampler offered by Princeton Press as part of their ongoing "Ancient Wisdom for Modern Readers" series and translated by Josiah Osgood, focuses on a subset of four: Caesar, Tiberius, Caligula, and Nero. Each was flawed in a different but recognizable manner. We see vanity, cruelty, debauchery, insecurity, narcissism, madness, cowardice, and much more. Read it, and see who is your least favored Roman emperor.

[Fatemeh · Rating 2 out of 5]

کتاب کم حجم و‌جمع و جوریه اما اصلا چیزی نبود که فکر میکردم باشه.
کتاب در واقع چند تا امپراطور بی رحم رو انتخاب کرده و به صورت بند بند و پاراگراف های جدا از هم ,بی رحمی ها و شکنجه ها و کار های عجیب غریب اون پادشاه رو نوشته .

این نوع نگراش اصلا باب میل من نبود ،بدون هیچ پیشینه و توضیحی فقط کارهای جنون آمیز اون فرد رو گفته و حتی موقع گفتن همین موارد هم از توضیح درست حسابی نمیده
برای مثال متن کتاب این شکلیه :
۲۳.۲ (نرون )هنگامی كه آواز مى خواند، ترك مراسم ولو در شرايط اضطرارى قدغن بود. ازاين رو معروف است كه برخى زنان حامله به ناگزیر درحين اجراهاى او زايمان مى كردند
۵۲ (کالیگولا)سليقه اش درانتخاب جامه وكفش وزيورآلات خلاف پسند شهروندان روم يا اصلاً دوراز مرام آدميزاد بود. اغلب با جبه هايى پر ازنقش ونگار و مزين به جواهردوزى در ملأعام ظاهر مى شد.

خوب الان این اطلاعات جسته و گریخته به چه دردم میخوره .

پ.ن:من نسخه فارسی این کتاب رو‌ در طاقچه خوندم که ۱۵۰ صفحه است اما نسخه اصلی بر اساس چیزی که گوریدز نوشته ۳۰۰ صفحه اس،فک‌ میکنم به خاطر همین باشه که نسخه فارسیش اینقدر افتضاح از آب دراومده باشه

[Kitkat · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars
I liked it a lot but not 4 stars. It was interesting and I loved the crazy horrific things the emperors did. I loved that it had half the pages in Latin and translated on the other page. I also loved how it was based off of an advisor during the Roman times. Sad I can’t read more of his stuff since it was burned. But really enjoyed the book overall.

[Margaret · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was amusing and full of gossip about cruel and sexually deviant Romans. The overall lesson being - don’t be an egotistical jerk.

[Reza Amiri Praramadhan · Rating 3 out of 5]

A rather gossipy, sensationalistic biography of three Roman Emperors, plus one virtual dictator, Suetonius served us with the lives of Julius Caesar, Tiberius, Caligula and Nero. In lives of those people, Suetonius showed us what holding absolute power could done to men, and how easy it is for such immense power to slip through fingers due to one’s folly, especially from the hands of men who were regarded as closer to the Gods than to men.

In Suetonius’ words, Julius Caesar was an arrogant man, highly concerned with his balding hair, Tiberius a dour, grumpy man who turned into a maniac when secluding himself in the Island of Capri, while Caligula was pure craziness, albeit with rather exceptional oratory skill. Nero though, was so obsessed with art to the point he neglected statecraft, and when his rule crumbled around him, he found himself being indecisive, even when it comes to ending his own life.

Overall, as bad as Suetonius wrote, Roman Empire would be seeing many more worse people reigning as its emperors, so he must be disappointed from his grave. I myself, find myself rather disappointed with Tiberius’ depiction, for while his antics at Capri and general gloominess are not to be disputed, he was generally accepted as able administrator, leaving enough riches for Caligula and Nero to squander.

[Ben · Rating 2 out of 5]

I Couldn't Stomach It

This was a really rough book for me.

So much abuse and hardship.

One of the few books that I couldn't stomach.

Some of the chapters were so downright terrible and mean of what the emperors did, that I could barely take it.

A reminder that these bad emperors are not all ancient - there are some reigning regimes to this day. So be vigilant out there!

Finally, to me, my biggest gripe with this book is that it did not have much in the way of lessons.
I love the writing of Robert Greene, and one of my favorite aspects of his amazing books, is he will write a terrible thing a past leader had done, and then contrast it with a lesson - why this was bad, what you should do instead, or why it was a bad leadership trait.
Contrast that to this book, and it was just the bad. No lessons. No introspection.
I would much sooner recommend you read The 48 Laws of Power or The 33 Strategies of War.

2.7/5

[Ejjokers · Rating 4 out of 5]

I find it amazing that in 2000 years humankind hasn’t changed much and how amazing it is that we have these words available to read and learn by. By far the scariest and most twisted emperor in this book was Caligula and the saddest Nero…how they got away with their inability to govern for as long as they did is a mystery and I suppose Suetonius did us a favor in writing about these emperors as we have managed to, in general, implement policies to make horrendous governing less likely? Still deliberating on that.
Loved the set up of the book with the contents written in latin on the pages on the left hand side of the book and english on the right. For me it highlights the magic of communication through the ages. I can almost picture Suetonius shaking his head and smirking as he recorded some of the events that take place in this book. And… latin is very attractive on the written page. Makes me want to learn it!
An enjoyable read.

[Isabell · Rating 3 out of 5]

P.J. Ochlan (the narrator of the audiobook) should be flogged for this performance himself. Substracted so much from the anecdotes and dark humour of the different chapters.

Content itself: Very entertaining.
Example: Did you know that virgins were not allowed to be strangled to death? In order to to abide by that law ((?) Please, someone, educate me.) they were violated by the carnifex before their execution could proceed.

You can learn about other morsels like that one, if you are willing to risk a glance at that book.

The part about Nero is a bit underwhelming, because *everyone* focuses on Nero when they hear the terms "terrible CEO" and "lacking professional skills as a leader" in one or more sentences.
Don't even get me started on his so-called self-professed "artistic qualities". (shudder)

[Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've now finished eight volumes in the Princeton University Press series Ancient Wisdom for Modern Readers, and like the other seven, I have thoroughly enjoyed this book.
This volume contains excerpts from Suetonius's biographies of four 'Caesars': Caesar himself, Tiberius, Caligula, and Nero. But rather than focusing on their political legacies and accomplishments, the excerpts highlight negative traits that rendered these men infamous. What is left are stories of vanity and violence.
How to be a Bad Emperor is edited by Josiah Osgood, who does a good job introducing the book, as well as the excerpts, while keeping his comments to a minimum to let Suetonius speak for himself.
This is an excellent introduction to Suetonius's writings. 4.5 stars.

[Sabrina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually had a customer recommend this series to me, and he had such high praise for it that I'd always meant to pick one up. Yes, this was a little bit motivated by thoughts of the US's own "bad presidents," but also a growing interest in the history of the Roman Empire. And I recognized 3 of the 4 - I know OF Caesar and Caligula and Nero, but that was about it. This was a fascinating read, and really is a great little primer on a very specific topic of history - what NOT to do as a leader.

[Arianne Levine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Obsessed! My Latin is not so good anymore so I mostly (ok, only…) read the English translations but Professor Osgood killed it. Beautifully translated and introduced, well written and HILARIOUS. 10/10!

[Owen · Rating 3 out of 5]

disgusting

it's really just "how to be one hell of a horrible person"

freak tiberius

[charlotte · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75/5 ⭐️
this was an entertaining gossipy read. suetonius depicts each of the emperors in quite distinct ways — my least favourite ? caligula sounds absolutely insane and horrifying

[Scott Satterwhite · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found it hard to not make comparisons with present leadership, especially some of the phrases that were used by Tiberius, Julius Caesar, Caligula, and Nero. I have wanted to read the full book by Suetonius a while, but this one was sufficient. it covered the salacious parts, and certainly did not make Roman Life seem like the good old days. even at our worst, we don't have leadership like this, but I can easily imagine those in power acting this way if they had no checks upon their authority. I guess we will see. until then, the only Caesar I will celebrate is Little Caesar for the great pizza.

[Martin Winter · Rating 5 out of 5]

An awesome book, really fun to read all about all depravities of those emperors, however much of that actually happened!

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great introduction to the writings of Suetonius, efficiently contexted with a helpful introduction. The book excerpts Suetonius' work on four Roman leaders; Tiberius, Julius Caesar, (his extreme gruesomeness) Caligula and Nero. English on one page, the original Latin on the left. Unreasonable cruelty, vicious ambition, absolute disregard and vile pleasure in the suffering of others were hallmarks of these guys. Read as a cautionary tale. My takeaway? The evil that "men" (because they've been the ones always given the chance) do has not ebbed in repugnance over the centuries. In times of war and conflict, people become more themselves.

[cypher · Rating 2 out of 5]

interesting as an idea, but it's important to think about the validity of the stories and claims, history is fickle like that, people chronicled lies, other chronicles were destroyed, especially in the case of powerful, envied men and well known rules and generals.
that's why i like meditations from the ancients more than descriptions with "facts".

something like: he removed the head of Zeus from the statue to attach his own...such on obvious embellishment of history, to defame and spawn enemies who will go and oppose in a war for the "offence". the ancients had their own politics and propaganda, and this book was published without considering this.

[Kara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Osgood takes a selection of passages from the works of ancient Roman historian Suetonius, intercut with his own pithy summaries of the lives of emperors Julius Caesar, Tiberius, Caligula, and Nero. There isn't much context or analyses given on how much we can trust Suetonius, but it is fascinating to read all the gossip and see just what the contemporaries really thought of these 'god-kings'.

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Of the books in this series, I particularly loved this one. Mostly drawn from the 12 Caesars of Suetonius, this is mostly a history lesson, and to some extent a morals lesson -- very few readers are likely to themselves be potential Emperors of Rome waiting to take the purple and wanting to do the worst possible job. Learning the details of the different ways to be bad as an emperor (like families from Tolstoy, all happy emperors are alike; each unhappy emperor is unhappy in its own way.)

[Sela · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mildly entertaining read which also brought back some schooltime memories as you can read the Latin and English texts in parallel. I really liked the introductions to each chapter that gave you some orientation. Sometimes it is hard not to make comparisons to present-day politicians, of which quite some have a narcissist streak (you know who I am talking about...).

[Michael Bozmarov · Rating 5 out of 5]

When people tell you they want the good old days when leaders were good, give them this book. Lord Acton was right, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Also, what a fascinating read!

[Rahul · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great tidbits and new facts that you don’t hear about emperors too often. I felt that sometimes the same point was being made over and over again though and the selections of text could have been cut more.

[Leslie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Horrific as the assertions were (while these people weren't saints, I think a lot of the claims are considered by modern historians to be propaganda or at least unproven), they came off as a laundry list, recited in a very dry and monotonous way. I think the narrator did this one a disservice.

[Oscar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Suetonius is one of my favorite Roman writers. Definitely better than Catullus, especially Catullus 16.

[Luke Hassanzai · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short and fun read

[Richard · Rating 3 out of 5]

Disturbing.

Well done as far as the production and translation is concerned.

[Dave Heiniger · Rating 1 out of 5]

This reads like it was written by a bot?

[JW · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quick and painless for the reader. For the Emperors' subjects, much less so.