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Высокочувствительный ребенок. Как помочь нашим детям расцвести в этом тяжелом мире
"The bestselling author and psychologist whose books have topped 240,000 copies in print now addresses the trait of "high sensitivity" in children-and offers a breakthroughparenting guidebook for highly sensitive children and their caregivers.
"
With the publication of "The Highly Sensitive Person," Elaine Aron became the firstperson to identify the inborn trait of "high sensitivity" and to show how it affects the lives of those who possess it. Up to 20 percent of the population is born highly sensitive, and now in"The Highly Sensitive Child, " Aron shifts her focus to highly sensitive children, who share the same characteristics as highly sensitive adults and thus face unique challenges as they grow up.
Rooted in Aron's years of experience as a psychotherapist and her original research on child temperament, "The Highly Sensitive Child" shows how HSCs are born deeplyreflective, sensitive to the subtle, and easily overwhelmed. These qualities can make for smart, conscientious, creative children, but with the wrong parenting or schooling, they can become unusually shy or timid, orbegin acting out. Few parents and teachers understand where this behavior comes from-and as a result, HSCs are often mislabeled as overly inhibited, fearful, or "fussy,"or classified as"problem children" (and in some cases, misdiagnosed with disorders such as Attention Deficit Disorder). But raised with proper understanding and care, HSCs are no more prone to these problems thannonsensitive children and can grow up to be happy, healthy, well-adjusted adults.
In this pioneering work, parents will find helpful self-tests and case studies to help them understand their HSC, alongwith thorough advice on:
- The challenges of raising an highly sensitive child
- The four keys to successfully parenting an HSC
- How to soothehighly sensitive infants
- Helping sensitive children survive in a not-so-sensitive world
- Making school and friendshipsenjoyable
"
With the publication of "The Highly Sensitive Person," Elaine Aron became the firstperson to identify the inborn trait of "high sensitivity" and to show how it affects the lives of those who possess it. Up to 20 percent of the population is born highly sensitive, and now in"The Highly Sensitive Child, " Aron shifts her focus to highly sensitive children, who share the same characteristics as highly sensitive adults and thus face unique challenges as they grow up.
Rooted in Aron's years of experience as a psychotherapist and her original research on child temperament, "The Highly Sensitive Child" shows how HSCs are born deeplyreflective, sensitive to the subtle, and easily overwhelmed. These qualities can make for smart, conscientious, creative children, but with the wrong parenting or schooling, they can become unusually shy or timid, orbegin acting out. Few parents and teachers understand where this behavior comes from-and as a result, HSCs are often mislabeled as overly inhibited, fearful, or "fussy,"or classified as"problem children" (and in some cases, misdiagnosed with disorders such as Attention Deficit Disorder). But raised with proper understanding and care, HSCs are no more prone to these problems thannonsensitive children and can grow up to be happy, healthy, well-adjusted adults.
In this pioneering work, parents will find helpful self-tests and case studies to help them understand their HSC, alongwith thorough advice on:
- The challenges of raising an highly sensitive child
- The four keys to successfully parenting an HSC
- How to soothehighly sensitive infants
- Helping sensitive children survive in a not-so-sensitive world
- Making school and friendshipsenjoyable
With chapters addressing the needs of specific age groups, from newborns through teens, " The Highly Sensitive Child" delivers warmhearted, timely information forparents, teachers, and the sensitive children in their lives.
"From the Trade Paperback edition."
430 pages, ebook
First published October 8, 2002
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 464 reviews
August 31, 2021
Some useful stuff here - though as problematic as all such books that end up making us constantly worried we are saying or doing the wrong thing. I think so many of my generation are such anxious, neurotic parents because we read books which essentially tell us that, unless we say the precise magic words in the precise magic way at the precise magic time, we will end up ruining our children.
At the end of the day the core message here is a simple one: if your child is sensitive, accept them for that and don’t buy into the bullshit that they need to be a certain way to succeed. If they are happy with a couple of friends in the library at lunchtime, if they don’t particularly feel comfortable at parties, if they get overwhelmed and want some quiet time alone at home with a book…well, that is just dandy. Don’t try and fix them ‘cause there ain’t nothin wrong.
At the end of the day the core message here is a simple one: if your child is sensitive, accept them for that and don’t buy into the bullshit that they need to be a certain way to succeed. If they are happy with a couple of friends in the library at lunchtime, if they don’t particularly feel comfortable at parties, if they get overwhelmed and want some quiet time alone at home with a book…well, that is just dandy. Don’t try and fix them ‘cause there ain’t nothin wrong.
February 4, 2009
Highly sensitive individuals are those born with a tendency to notice more in their environment and deeply reflect on everything before acting, as compared to those who notice less and act quickly and impulsively. As a result sensitive people, both children and adults, tend to be empathic, smart, intuitive, creative, careful, and conscientious (they are aware of the effects of a misdeed, and so are less likely to commit one). They are also more easily overwhelmed by "high volume" or large quantities of input arriving at once. They try to avoid this, and thus seem to be shy or timid. When they cannot avoid overstimulation, they seem "easily upset" and too sensitive. Although HSP's notice more, they do not necessarily have better eyes, ears, sense of smell or taste buds(although some do report having at least one sense that is very keen.) Mainly their brains process information more thoroughly. This processing is not just in the brain, however, since HSP children or adults have faster reflexes (a reaction usually from the spnal cord), are more affected by pain, medications, and stimulants, and have more reactive immune systems. In a sense their entire body is designed to detect and understand more precisely whatever comes in. So of course HSP's probably will not like the loud Mariachi band in the mexican restaurant, noisy birthday parties, playing fast paced team sports, or everyone watching while they give an answer in class. But if you need a guitar tuned, a clever idea for party favors, a witty play on words, or to win a game like chess that requires anticipating consequences or noticing subtle differences, your HSP is the one to have around. Lets go farther inside the mind of your HSP. Yes he/she notices more, but he/she may have a "specialty." Some tune in to social cues, mainly noticing moods. Some focus on Relationships...
He is so mature for his age. Thinks too much. Her feelings are so easily hurt. She cries for other kids when they are teased or hurt.
70% HSP's are Introverts. 30% are Extroverts. Usually trained to be outgoing by family.
HSP's are marvelously aware, caring and sensitive. nightmares, intense emotions, vivid dreams, results in outbursts or shyness.
Another interesting point is that HSP's have more than likely had a "mystic" or spiritual experience even before learning about God or Religion. Whether in the form of meeting angels, praying, visions, hearing voices. Yet studies have shown they are sane and normal and tend to be a great influence on the world once they channel their spiritual awareness or harness their faith...
As a parent you have been given the task of raising an exceptional child...
This book really resonated with me. Learning so much more about myself. Overwhelmed. That was a word I have felt a couple of times in my life and always wondered what it meant and what was happening.
This book helped to make sense of me.
He is so mature for his age. Thinks too much. Her feelings are so easily hurt. She cries for other kids when they are teased or hurt.
70% HSP's are Introverts. 30% are Extroverts. Usually trained to be outgoing by family.
HSP's are marvelously aware, caring and sensitive. nightmares, intense emotions, vivid dreams, results in outbursts or shyness.
Another interesting point is that HSP's have more than likely had a "mystic" or spiritual experience even before learning about God or Religion. Whether in the form of meeting angels, praying, visions, hearing voices. Yet studies have shown they are sane and normal and tend to be a great influence on the world once they channel their spiritual awareness or harness their faith...
As a parent you have been given the task of raising an exceptional child...
This book really resonated with me. Learning so much more about myself. Overwhelmed. That was a word I have felt a couple of times in my life and always wondered what it meant and what was happening.
This book helped to make sense of me.
February 4, 2009
I skimmed this book because I thought it might offer helpful techniques for handling some of my daughter's challenges. I wavered throughout the book on whether she was actually a "Highly Sensitive Child", but regardless thinking about her as highly sensitive does help me to be more empathetic. And that was the most useful part of the book for me -- having a shift in mindset, imagining what it would be like to be so highly attuned to the world that the smallest changes would be upsetting. As for specific techniques for dealing with some of my daughter's challenges (e.g. group situations), I didn't gather anything particularly new.
January 9, 2020
I really enjoyed this book. I'm not sure I agree with every single thing I read in it, but no two parenting situations are ever the same, so that makes sense. It really helped me to better understand my five year old daughter who is definitely highly sensitive.
It can be so hard to see a situation from a point of view that is different than the way you have always encountered the world yourself. Everybody sees a situation based on their own life experiences and it can be hard to understand it based on emotions or feelings you yourself don't feel. It has definitely helped me understand her and be more patient with her. Her sensitivity can be so trying in many situations but it is also so beautiful in others. She can seem overdramatic at times because she feels things so deeply but she has such a deep level of empathy and understanding for others that makes me so proud. This book has absolutely helped me and I have used many of the suggestions already.
I would definitely recommend it if you feel like you have someone in your life who is highly sensitive and you yourself are not.
It can be so hard to see a situation from a point of view that is different than the way you have always encountered the world yourself. Everybody sees a situation based on their own life experiences and it can be hard to understand it based on emotions or feelings you yourself don't feel. It has definitely helped me understand her and be more patient with her. Her sensitivity can be so trying in many situations but it is also so beautiful in others. She can seem overdramatic at times because she feels things so deeply but she has such a deep level of empathy and understanding for others that makes me so proud. This book has absolutely helped me and I have used many of the suggestions already.
I would definitely recommend it if you feel like you have someone in your life who is highly sensitive and you yourself are not.
March 23, 2014
I am a little torn on how many stars to give this book.
On the one hand, I feel that the book definitely helped me understand my highly sensitive son better. Little things that used to annoy me, or times when I thought he was overreacting, now make more sense to me and I'm able to have more patience and understanding. I feel less overwhelmed by him and so relieved to know I'm not alone and that there's an underlying thread to many of his perplexing behaviors.
On the other hand I felt like the book was a bit too all over the place. As soon as the author would describe a behavior to expect from a highly sensitive child, she'd backpedal and say of course your child could be the opposite type of highly sensitive child, so in that case he would do this other thing instead. I realize that all children have different personalities, but I think it would have been more appropriate for the book to stick to the most common threads of behaviors in highly sensitive children and leave descriptions of the other types out. It just added clutter and confusion to the book.
Also, I did not agree with all of the parenting advice (although I didn't expect to). The author basically gives the impression that you should set up your whole life around making sure your child is at the optimum level of stimulation. I did think that many of the recommendations were very useful (how to get your child to enter a new social situation or try a new experience, how to talk with him about his feelings while still guiding him into correct behavior), but I thought many others were over the top (let him choose his own food to eat, take him shopping and let him choose all of his own clothes, use very mild punishment at all times, do whatever you can to comfort him through all tantrums, basically set up the physical environment of your home - especially his room - to be a little bubble where all of his senses are happy).
So...I am thankful to have read this book, because I do feel that I understand my son and know how to deal with him better. At the same time, I was annoyed with a lot of the book while reading and felt like my time was being wasted. So three stars it is.
On the one hand, I feel that the book definitely helped me understand my highly sensitive son better. Little things that used to annoy me, or times when I thought he was overreacting, now make more sense to me and I'm able to have more patience and understanding. I feel less overwhelmed by him and so relieved to know I'm not alone and that there's an underlying thread to many of his perplexing behaviors.
On the other hand I felt like the book was a bit too all over the place. As soon as the author would describe a behavior to expect from a highly sensitive child, she'd backpedal and say of course your child could be the opposite type of highly sensitive child, so in that case he would do this other thing instead. I realize that all children have different personalities, but I think it would have been more appropriate for the book to stick to the most common threads of behaviors in highly sensitive children and leave descriptions of the other types out. It just added clutter and confusion to the book.
Also, I did not agree with all of the parenting advice (although I didn't expect to). The author basically gives the impression that you should set up your whole life around making sure your child is at the optimum level of stimulation. I did think that many of the recommendations were very useful (how to get your child to enter a new social situation or try a new experience, how to talk with him about his feelings while still guiding him into correct behavior), but I thought many others were over the top (let him choose his own food to eat, take him shopping and let him choose all of his own clothes, use very mild punishment at all times, do whatever you can to comfort him through all tantrums, basically set up the physical environment of your home - especially his room - to be a little bubble where all of his senses are happy).
So...I am thankful to have read this book, because I do feel that I understand my son and know how to deal with him better. At the same time, I was annoyed with a lot of the book while reading and felt like my time was being wasted. So three stars it is.
August 28, 2010
I have a sensitive child who is easily overwhelmed. I have realized that I do not parent him in a way that helps him thrive.
This book did not help me because it told me that for him to thrive, I can never appear to be upset in front of him, never raise my voice, never make him eat anything he doesn't want to, never force him to be in a situation he finds himself uncomfortable in...basically let him live in a totally unrealistic world.
While I found the suggestions to be over-the-top (the author didn't force her son to learn how to drive until he was twenty-six!), I was made aware of how a sensitive child sees the world. Much more so than less sensitive children, HSC (oh, yes. It's an acronym) are cautious and oftentimes timid because they are overwhelmed by stimuli and awareness of possible consequences. Just last weekend, I saw firsthand how my sensitive child was unable to participate in an activity until his younger brother went first, showing it was safe. And it wasn't just that he was unsure or scared for himself. The entire ordeal of watching his brother stressed him out because he was much more aware of all the possible ways it could go wrong. It was really quite something to watch.
I consider myself sensitive, so I do empathize with my son and hope to be a better parent to him. I just wish the suggestions from the author were things I felt I could actually implement. Instead, I feel more discouraged that I am exactly the kind of parent who is going to ruin my child
This book did not help me because it told me that for him to thrive, I can never appear to be upset in front of him, never raise my voice, never make him eat anything he doesn't want to, never force him to be in a situation he finds himself uncomfortable in...basically let him live in a totally unrealistic world.
While I found the suggestions to be over-the-top (the author didn't force her son to learn how to drive until he was twenty-six!), I was made aware of how a sensitive child sees the world. Much more so than less sensitive children, HSC (oh, yes. It's an acronym) are cautious and oftentimes timid because they are overwhelmed by stimuli and awareness of possible consequences. Just last weekend, I saw firsthand how my sensitive child was unable to participate in an activity until his younger brother went first, showing it was safe. And it wasn't just that he was unsure or scared for himself. The entire ordeal of watching his brother stressed him out because he was much more aware of all the possible ways it could go wrong. It was really quite something to watch.
I consider myself sensitive, so I do empathize with my son and hope to be a better parent to him. I just wish the suggestions from the author were things I felt I could actually implement. Instead, I feel more discouraged that I am exactly the kind of parent who is going to ruin my child
July 9, 2017
Super interesting and insightful. Gave me some good strategies and let me feel better. Highly recommend.
January 24, 2012
It was a very interesting book, that gave me really good insights into not only my son but my husband as well. However it was a little overboard with how perfect HSCs are. They are just human like everyone else.
September 27, 2022
Както и “Свръхчувствителните хора”, тази също ми беше много полезна. Ако имате съмнения, че детето ви е свръхчувствително, препоръчвам да в прочетете:)
August 6, 2014
Aron offers some solid background and tips for understanding, dealing with, and encouraging a child with a sensitive temperament. In this context, "sensitive" does not mean hippy-dippy tree-hugging stuff. It means a greater sensitivity to external stimulation, like being massively overwhelmed by noise, colors, crowds, different foods or fabric textures.
This book gave me a sense of reassurance that both myself and my sensitive daughter are doing okay. I had some minor issues with Aron's insistence about not calling sensitive children "shy." Sure, it's best to avoid sticking our kids with negative labels, but words mean different things in different contexts and I have personally found "shy" to be a polite cultural shortcut to communicate "BACK OFF" to otherwise well-meaning people.
I had hoped for more substantive help, but I suspect I didn't get more out of the book because I had intuited most of the info already. It's reassuring to see all this in print, with real research to back it up, but it doesn't really change anything for my life. This book might be more useful to a parent who is outrageously outgoing, and wonders if aliens might have replaced his/her equally outgoing child with a quiet, introspective pod person who prefers to build Legos alone and only eat Kraft original mac and cheese.
This book gave me a sense of reassurance that both myself and my sensitive daughter are doing okay. I had some minor issues with Aron's insistence about not calling sensitive children "shy." Sure, it's best to avoid sticking our kids with negative labels, but words mean different things in different contexts and I have personally found "shy" to be a polite cultural shortcut to communicate "BACK OFF" to otherwise well-meaning people.
I had hoped for more substantive help, but I suspect I didn't get more out of the book because I had intuited most of the info already. It's reassuring to see all this in print, with real research to back it up, but it doesn't really change anything for my life. This book might be more useful to a parent who is outrageously outgoing, and wonders if aliens might have replaced his/her equally outgoing child with a quiet, introspective pod person who prefers to build Legos alone and only eat Kraft original mac and cheese.
December 15, 2024
This is the third time I've checked this book out of the library. The author has plenty of insight into raising a sensitive child, and her discussion of family dynamics is spot on. As a parent of highly sensitive kids, I appreciate this resource. The sections on discipline and communicating with teachers are helpful. Some of her recommendations are over the top, though. I am trying to raise flexible kids, so this means not always indulging preferences. Where the author recommends accomodating, I tend to challenge more. There are limits to my patience, time, and money. It's not easy being a sensitive person in this society, and our society needs sensitive people! I want to respect my kids' sensitivity, acknowledging it for the gift that it is, but not go to extremes. Acheiving that balance is the challenge. This book is a good tool, but I take a grain of salt with it.
March 9, 2018
Vertinga knyga, kurioje pristatomas terminas "itin jautrus vaikas". O kartu ir "itin jautrus asmuo". Joje radau daug naujo ir netikėto. Visų pirma apie tai, kad tokie žmonės yra, jie nėra tiesiog drovūs, ar autizmo sutrikimą turintys, ar kuo sergantys asmenys. Jie tiesiog turi tokį temperamentą. Ir jų yra apie 20 proc. tiek žmonių, tiek gyvūnų populiacijose. Pateikiama tiek informacija, kas tai yra bei testai įsivertinti jautrumai, taip pat ir daugybė informacijos, kaip padėti tokiam vaikui, kaip su juo susiderinti, nagrinėjami įvairiais amžiaus tarpsniais kylantys iššūkiai ir laimėjimai. Nemažai minčių man pasirodė vertingos kalbant ir apie visus vaikus. Verta perskaityti tiek turintiems savo vaikų, tiek dirbantiems su vaikais.
January 15, 2015
Though finding this book and discovering high sensitivity in children and adults has been enlightening, the advice for handling HSCs in this book is quite repetitive and really no different than most of the advice in modern, progressive parenting books. If the label of high sensitivity is new to you and you suspect it may be relevant in your life, the first few chapters of this book are very valuable. If you are a fairly well-read, respectful parent who understands the importance of secure attachment and respecting your children, the rest of the book isn't nearly as impactful.
April 17, 2024
This book has a lot of good information about highly sensitive children and was personally validating to my parenting experience so far. Part One was especially helpful in educating about HSCs while also acknowledging the huge variation within that population. Like with any parenting book, there are some things you like and some you know just won’t work with your own kiddo. A few things that were said I flat out disagreed with, but I come to expect that with this genre of books and overall was able to gain some good insight that has informed my parenting.
December 9, 2015
I found this book really helpful in terms of understanding some of my oldest child's more unique qualities. I realize now that I am also highly sensitive, but there are ways in which it affects him that I hadn't previously understood. What looks like anxiety is probably more like being overwhelmed or overstimulated by particular circumstances (and am coming to realize this is probably also true for myself). The result can sometimes be bratty behavior. I knew instinctively that it was not simply a problem of attitude, as he is generally a very pleasant and well-behaved kid. I now have a better understanding (via this book and his therapist) of what is going on when the monster comes out.
A lot of her suggestions are things that I have implemented intuitively due to understanding his needs (in large part because we are so alike), and that was encouraging. I mean, who doesn't love a book that tells you you're doing things right??
I think I have a better understanding now of when it it safe to be firm and corrective, and when I need to prioritize his need for calm & safety FIRST and focus on negative behaviors later.
I think in some respects, her advice leans a bit on the coddling side. But I also think that these are kids who are a bit more needy. Finding the balance seems to be the great challenge with these kids.
If you have a kid who leans "highly sensitive" - this is probably worth a read.
A lot of her suggestions are things that I have implemented intuitively due to understanding his needs (in large part because we are so alike), and that was encouraging. I mean, who doesn't love a book that tells you you're doing things right??
I think I have a better understanding now of when it it safe to be firm and corrective, and when I need to prioritize his need for calm & safety FIRST and focus on negative behaviors later.
I think in some respects, her advice leans a bit on the coddling side. But I also think that these are kids who are a bit more needy. Finding the balance seems to be the great challenge with these kids.
If you have a kid who leans "highly sensitive" - this is probably worth a read.
September 22, 2014
Having this book recommended to me was my light bulb moment it's when I fully realised that I was a highly sensitive dad raising a highly sensitive daughter. At first it was really difficult to read without getting very emotional as I reflected on my own childhood misgivings and the daily challenges I was facing as a parent. Once into the book it felt like I already knew so much because I have lived and breathed being a highly sensitive person and parent. The structure and strategies have been invaluable on a daily basis and allows me to really truly focus on what my sensitive daughter needs. Reading this book has given me the strength and conviction to know what my sensitive child needs and to tell all those who just doubt that there is nothing wrong with her you just need to understand high sensitivity. Finding this book also filled me with a sense of relieve just knowing that I am not alone.
So as you can gather I was pretty moved by the discovery of this book by Elaine Aron and have been inspired to set up online communities to help families affected by high sensitivity I have also started to write my own practical guidebook Understanding The Highly Sensitive Child. Anyone who wants to join our communities can do at http://familyfeelings.today and https://www.facebook.com/myhighlysens...
So as you can gather I was pretty moved by the discovery of this book by Elaine Aron and have been inspired to set up online communities to help families affected by high sensitivity I have also started to write my own practical guidebook Understanding The Highly Sensitive Child. Anyone who wants to join our communities can do at http://familyfeelings.today and https://www.facebook.com/myhighlysens...
May 11, 2011
I expected this book to actually offer suggestions for helping me cope with my HSC, but it didn't.
When it offers a suggestion at long last, it follows up with, "But this may not work for your child, all children are different." Gee, no kidding. Just give me SOMETHING to go on.
I discovered I was an HSC, too, and am an HSA, and that my son was an HSC, only I was unaware of the concept, and probably "ruined" him.
HSC's need a different type of parenting and need different levels of understanding, however, this book sometimes sounds like there is something wrong with the HSC because it reminds us so often that it can be a mixed blessing to live with them. Again, no kidding.
At least there is a book out there to tell parents their kids are fine, even though they may burst into tears over seemingly nothing, and that the child's irrational fears may take longer to overcome, and to remain patient. It would have been nice to have this book when my son was younger.
When it offers a suggestion at long last, it follows up with, "But this may not work for your child, all children are different." Gee, no kidding. Just give me SOMETHING to go on.
I discovered I was an HSC, too, and am an HSA, and that my son was an HSC, only I was unaware of the concept, and probably "ruined" him.
HSC's need a different type of parenting and need different levels of understanding, however, this book sometimes sounds like there is something wrong with the HSC because it reminds us so often that it can be a mixed blessing to live with them. Again, no kidding.
At least there is a book out there to tell parents their kids are fine, even though they may burst into tears over seemingly nothing, and that the child's irrational fears may take longer to overcome, and to remain patient. It would have been nice to have this book when my son was younger.
August 2, 2008
This is a great book. Really helped me learn how to deal with my son better. There is a test you can take online to see if your child is highly sensitive. (sensitive to sound, touch, light food etc.)
May 26, 2012
While the book gave me some insight into why my daughter reacts the way she does to certain things, what I really needed was some advice on what to do about it. Specifically how to discipline. I didn't find that here.
April 28, 2024
This is a great book for everyone and anyone that is ever around kids. She gives some great tips and helps you understand sensitive children. I agreed with most things. Every HSC is a little different and falls on a different scale of it. Overall a good read. Plus, I enjoyed hearing I’ve done many things right!
December 20, 2020
I got this book to see if it applied to my son (it does) and along the way I learned that I am also highly sensitive! It felt hard for a while to really pin down if this was us or not, because there are so many different ways this can look and neither of us look like the "classic" sort of person described in this book, but understanding some of the internal processes helped me to have a better understanding of how both of us view the world in this unique way. We are both eager to understand ourselves better with new perspective and even terminology.
January 12, 2018
Very insightful, affirming, and enlightening. As a HSP with HSC, this was a life changer.
October 19, 2008
This book was so reassuring. I understand better why certain situations that are supposed to be "fun" cause my daughter stress and anxiety. Sudden loud noises, an abrupt change in the plan or routine and rooms filled with chaos can all be triggers for tears and behavior that can appear irrational to someone who is not highly sensitive or who has a child who "goes with the flow".
This book is also a valuable back up for parents who are tired of rationalizing the way their kids react to other people. Our society is set up to accommodate people (especially kids) who crave the "more is better" approach when it comes to lights, noise, action and pace. Kiddie attractions are generally larger than life and involve blaring music, crowds of screaming strangers, bright colors and nonstop activity. To a highly sensitve young child this environment can be a recipe for a meltdown or a withdrawal.
It also explains why my daughter can be so outgoing in other situations. Being "sensitive" is different from being "shy"...although highly sensitive kids are often labeled "shy". Parents of sensitive kids who attempt to introduce their kids much more slowly to these often unpleasant but typical situations are often accused of coddling or spoiling their child.
When you live with a sensitive child you develop a feeling for the triggers that will set your kid off. The point is not to shelter your child from the world...but rather to listen to your inner voice and respect your kid's limits. As a parent you need to learn to be patient and to adjust your expectations. My daughter has proven to me that she can warm up well to situations if her initial negative reaction is dealt with appropriately and she does not feel coerced.
If you are the parent whose child cries at birthday parties, melts down at the amusement park or refuses to wear certain fabrics you are NOT alone. You have not "done this to your kid" as so many well-intentioned people will try to tell you.
My daughter eats like a champ and is only typical in her preschool fussiness about clothing. However, sudden noises have set her off since infancy. She used to cry every time someone coughed or sneezed around her. We couldn't understand her reaction compared to these other complacent babies who just sat and smiled at everything.
This is one of the few parenting books that actually describes my child's more challenging behavior.
This book is also a valuable back up for parents who are tired of rationalizing the way their kids react to other people. Our society is set up to accommodate people (especially kids) who crave the "more is better" approach when it comes to lights, noise, action and pace. Kiddie attractions are generally larger than life and involve blaring music, crowds of screaming strangers, bright colors and nonstop activity. To a highly sensitve young child this environment can be a recipe for a meltdown or a withdrawal.
It also explains why my daughter can be so outgoing in other situations. Being "sensitive" is different from being "shy"...although highly sensitive kids are often labeled "shy". Parents of sensitive kids who attempt to introduce their kids much more slowly to these often unpleasant but typical situations are often accused of coddling or spoiling their child.
When you live with a sensitive child you develop a feeling for the triggers that will set your kid off. The point is not to shelter your child from the world...but rather to listen to your inner voice and respect your kid's limits. As a parent you need to learn to be patient and to adjust your expectations. My daughter has proven to me that she can warm up well to situations if her initial negative reaction is dealt with appropriately and she does not feel coerced.
If you are the parent whose child cries at birthday parties, melts down at the amusement park or refuses to wear certain fabrics you are NOT alone. You have not "done this to your kid" as so many well-intentioned people will try to tell you.
My daughter eats like a champ and is only typical in her preschool fussiness about clothing. However, sudden noises have set her off since infancy. She used to cry every time someone coughed or sneezed around her. We couldn't understand her reaction compared to these other complacent babies who just sat and smiled at everything.
This is one of the few parenting books that actually describes my child's more challenging behavior.
April 9, 2020
(Sorry for the translation, below I put it in Spanish)
I didn't like it for two reasons:
1. I was hoping to find highly sensitive information about children in an objective way and I have come across a guide that aims at to tell me what I have and what I don't have to do with my child. And even what I have to say and what I don't. I didn't expect it to be a guide. I hoped that it would give me information and then act according to my criteria with my girl, not that they would tell me what I have to do and what not with my girl, in short, how the relationship and bond with my daughter should be.
Reflection of a society where people are used to waiting to be told what they have to do and not to reflect and use their own criteria. I add that my relationship with my daughter is great, very loving.
2. We live in Spain and the book is written from the perspective of American culture, which does not apply in our day to day. The families of the USA may be reflected, but not the European people where we have a culture, in my opinion, much less competitive and friendlier.
No me ha gustado por dos motivos:
1. Esperaba encontrar información sobre los niños altamente sensible de una manera objetiva y me he encontrado con una guía que pretende decirme lo qué tengo y lo que no tengo que hacer con mi hija. E incluso lo que tengo que decir y lo que no. No esperaba que fuera una guía. Esperaba que me diera información para luego actuar según mi criterio con mi niña, no que me digieran qué tengo que hacer y qué no con mi niña, en definitiva, cómo tiene que ser la relación y el vínculo con mi hija.
Reflejo de una sociedad donde las personas están acostumbradas a esperar a que le digan qué es lo que tienen que hacer y no a reflexionar y a usar su propio criterio. Añado que mi relación con mi hija es estupenda, muy amorosa.
2. Nosotros vivimos en España y el libro está escrito des de la perspectiva de la cultura estadounidense, la cual no se aplica en nuestro día a día. Puede que las familias de EUA se vean reflejadas, pero no las personas europeas donde tenemos una cultura, en mi opinión, bastante menos competitiva y más amable.
I didn't like it for two reasons:
1. I was hoping to find highly sensitive information about children in an objective way and I have come across a guide that aims at to tell me what I have and what I don't have to do with my child. And even what I have to say and what I don't. I didn't expect it to be a guide. I hoped that it would give me information and then act according to my criteria with my girl, not that they would tell me what I have to do and what not with my girl, in short, how the relationship and bond with my daughter should be.
Reflection of a society where people are used to waiting to be told what they have to do and not to reflect and use their own criteria. I add that my relationship with my daughter is great, very loving.
2. We live in Spain and the book is written from the perspective of American culture, which does not apply in our day to day. The families of the USA may be reflected, but not the European people where we have a culture, in my opinion, much less competitive and friendlier.
No me ha gustado por dos motivos:
1. Esperaba encontrar información sobre los niños altamente sensible de una manera objetiva y me he encontrado con una guía que pretende decirme lo qué tengo y lo que no tengo que hacer con mi hija. E incluso lo que tengo que decir y lo que no. No esperaba que fuera una guía. Esperaba que me diera información para luego actuar según mi criterio con mi niña, no que me digieran qué tengo que hacer y qué no con mi niña, en definitiva, cómo tiene que ser la relación y el vínculo con mi hija.
Reflejo de una sociedad donde las personas están acostumbradas a esperar a que le digan qué es lo que tienen que hacer y no a reflexionar y a usar su propio criterio. Añado que mi relación con mi hija es estupenda, muy amorosa.
2. Nosotros vivimos en España y el libro está escrito des de la perspectiva de la cultura estadounidense, la cual no se aplica en nuestro día a día. Puede que las familias de EUA se vean reflejadas, pero no las personas europeas donde tenemos una cultura, en mi opinión, bastante menos competitiva y más amable.
November 25, 2010
Love this book. I don't like the subtitle as much, and I don't really think it reflects Aron's thoughts, but publishers like to have something catchy that sounds problem-solving, so there you go.
If you're not familiar with Aron's work on highly sensitive people: her research indicates that 15-20 percent of the population has an innately more sensitive nervous system. This makes these people more perceptive in their physical senses (sometimes only certain ones), more attuned to nuance and meaning, more emotionally responsive, and more attentive to (and thus quick to be overwhelmed by) the many stimuli in our world. This has its upsides and downsides, and Aron talks about each of them in connection with the tasks and experiences of childhood and growing up.
As a highly sensitive person myself, I found this insightful in terms of my own childhood experiences. I also think that it helps me to identify certain qualities in my young child, and gain better insight into what he needs from me as a parent.
Helpful, insightful, wise, informative, and filled with tips for each stage, this book is an extremely helpful volume for anyone who thinks their children might be highly sensitive. It will help you figure out if they are, and help you to see how you can nurture their strengths and support them in their weaknesses.
If you're not familiar with Aron's work on highly sensitive people: her research indicates that 15-20 percent of the population has an innately more sensitive nervous system. This makes these people more perceptive in their physical senses (sometimes only certain ones), more attuned to nuance and meaning, more emotionally responsive, and more attentive to (and thus quick to be overwhelmed by) the many stimuli in our world. This has its upsides and downsides, and Aron talks about each of them in connection with the tasks and experiences of childhood and growing up.
As a highly sensitive person myself, I found this insightful in terms of my own childhood experiences. I also think that it helps me to identify certain qualities in my young child, and gain better insight into what he needs from me as a parent.
Helpful, insightful, wise, informative, and filled with tips for each stage, this book is an extremely helpful volume for anyone who thinks their children might be highly sensitive. It will help you figure out if they are, and help you to see how you can nurture their strengths and support them in their weaknesses.
October 7, 2012
This book really resonated with me from the first page. I could check off practically the entire list when thinking of my daughter. It's good to finally point a finger to a potential reason for her sensitivity.
What kind of irked me about the book was how to cope with having a highly sensitive child. It says to explain to the principal of your child's school about your child's temperament and ask for special accommodations. I agree that explaining it to the child's teacher would be helpful, but the way the author talks about it is almost like it's a disability.
There are hints and tips for various child age ranges, but a lot of the tips seem extremely common sense. If you notice your child gets overwhelmed easily, then it makes intuitive sense to not overschedule your kid. We were tipped off that our kid fell below the normal range on adjustment to new situations by the time she was a few months old, and we have always focused on one extracurricular activity at a time. So to read advice that was along this vein was a bit like "duh."
All in all, the author explained oversensitivity well.
What kind of irked me about the book was how to cope with having a highly sensitive child. It says to explain to the principal of your child's school about your child's temperament and ask for special accommodations. I agree that explaining it to the child's teacher would be helpful, but the way the author talks about it is almost like it's a disability.
There are hints and tips for various child age ranges, but a lot of the tips seem extremely common sense. If you notice your child gets overwhelmed easily, then it makes intuitive sense to not overschedule your kid. We were tipped off that our kid fell below the normal range on adjustment to new situations by the time she was a few months old, and we have always focused on one extracurricular activity at a time. So to read advice that was along this vein was a bit like "duh."
All in all, the author explained oversensitivity well.
October 4, 2020
Įdomu buvo sužinoti, kad IJV - itin jautrus vaikas paveldi jautrumą ir tai nėra laipsniuojama. Tai reikškia, kad vaikas arba yra IVJ ar tokiu nėra (kaip dešiniarankiai ar kairiarankiai). Kaip ir suaugęs. Populiacijoje apie 15 % tokių asmenų ir jie ne drovuoliai ar verksniai, jie giliau jaučiantys ir į daugiau dirgiklių reaguojantys, galvoje nuolat vyksta labai intensyvus gyvenimas ir nuolatinis įvairiakursis aplinkos stebėjimas. Natūralu, kad koks nors stiprius išorinis dirgiklius (minia, triukšmas) jam yra sunku ištverti.
Praktinė dalis plati: kaip auginti IVJ kūdikį, vaiką, ikimokyklinuką, moksleivį, paauglį, jaunuolį. Kaip gyventi, jei ir tėvas, ir vaikas yra itin jautrūs. Yra testas apie vaiką ir suaugusiajam. Nes atskiri patarimai mokytojui, kurie, bendradarbiaujant su pedagogu, manau, kad labai praktiški ir naudingi.
Įdomu buvo atpažinti savo vaiko savybes, keletą patarimų jau naudoju (Esmė, kad vaiko spausti per daug nereikia, etapais, su pagarba jam), keletą išsisaugojau ateičiai.
Yra patarimai pedagogams ir kitiems, dirvantiema su vaikais.
Praktinė dalis plati: kaip auginti IVJ kūdikį, vaiką, ikimokyklinuką, moksleivį, paauglį, jaunuolį. Kaip gyventi, jei ir tėvas, ir vaikas yra itin jautrūs. Yra testas apie vaiką ir suaugusiajam. Nes atskiri patarimai mokytojui, kurie, bendradarbiaujant su pedagogu, manau, kad labai praktiški ir naudingi.
Įdomu buvo atpažinti savo vaiko savybes, keletą patarimų jau naudoju (Esmė, kad vaiko spausti per daug nereikia, etapais, su pagarba jam), keletą išsisaugojau ateičiai.
Yra patarimai pedagogams ir kitiems, dirvantiema su vaikais.
September 24, 2020
Like many other reviewers, I found this book helpful in understanding my kindergarten-age son. I have already recommended it to his kindergarten teachers. I would hope for this perspective on temperaments to spread - I think it will be particularly effective in broadening society's conversations about masculinity specifically.
However, a number of elements of the book give it, in my rating, three-stars.
A number of her parenting suggestions can be a smart approach for any temperament - they match up well with the respectful parenting movement.
I was mostly concerned with the see-saw of personal experience and scientific alignment. I would like to see others take up this work from a more objective perspective. (I will dig into some of the books referenced at the end.) I found the mentions of scientific research helpful (especially the neuroscience), but the overwhelming anecdotes of her own research and her own personal experiences may have the effect of invalidating a potentially valid scientific finding.
However, a number of elements of the book give it, in my rating, three-stars.
A number of her parenting suggestions can be a smart approach for any temperament - they match up well with the respectful parenting movement.
I was mostly concerned with the see-saw of personal experience and scientific alignment. I would like to see others take up this work from a more objective perspective. (I will dig into some of the books referenced at the end.) I found the mentions of scientific research helpful (especially the neuroscience), but the overwhelming anecdotes of her own research and her own personal experiences may have the effect of invalidating a potentially valid scientific finding.
July 13, 2023
When I began reading this book I was sceptical. I did not want to label my 7 year old. I knew that t the discipline style my partner and I were using was not working, but was wary of pigeonholing her. But as I read more of Aron's book I found a wealth of compassionate guidance which has allowed me to help a child who is deeply affected by the world around her and is easily overwhelmed.
Aron begins with an questionnaire and overview of what a sensitive child is, what their particular needs are and the intricacies of parenting such a child if you are and if you are not highly sensitive yourself. It really helped me reflect on how my own childhood negative experiences of sensitivity have an impact on my parenting and to focus on my child's needs instead of my own fears for her.
The second section moves on to parenting such a child from infancy through to young adulthood. The book ends with tips for teachers and resources. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
Aron begins with an questionnaire and overview of what a sensitive child is, what their particular needs are and the intricacies of parenting such a child if you are and if you are not highly sensitive yourself. It really helped me reflect on how my own childhood negative experiences of sensitivity have an impact on my parenting and to focus on my child's needs instead of my own fears for her.
The second section moves on to parenting such a child from infancy through to young adulthood. The book ends with tips for teachers and resources. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
November 19, 2018
I'm a huge fan of The Highly Sensitive Person, but I think this book is even better. It is chocked full of so many great parenting tips and insights for sensitive children.
For example, she explains how you don't need to use manipulations or bullying with your HSC because most of the time you only need to ask. I see this with my 10-month old already. If I don't want him holding something, most of the time he will hand it back to me if I just ask. No need to yank it from his hand. The former tactic also helps you slow way down to kiddo speed, which is so calming.
However, a warning: If you are a highly sensitive person yourself, and your parents did not make efforts to use gentle practices to accommodate your sensitivities, it may be emotional to read this book. Get a counselor and work through those feelings for the sake of your child. Change historical patterns and parent your child differently.
For example, she explains how you don't need to use manipulations or bullying with your HSC because most of the time you only need to ask. I see this with my 10-month old already. If I don't want him holding something, most of the time he will hand it back to me if I just ask. No need to yank it from his hand. The former tactic also helps you slow way down to kiddo speed, which is so calming.
However, a warning: If you are a highly sensitive person yourself, and your parents did not make efforts to use gentle practices to accommodate your sensitivities, it may be emotional to read this book. Get a counselor and work through those feelings for the sake of your child. Change historical patterns and parent your child differently.
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