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Hochsensible Männer: Mit Feingefühl zur eigenen Stärke
Warum die Welt feinfühlige Männer brauchtDie Forschung zum Thema Hochsensibilität wurde in den 1990er-Jahren von Elaine Aron eingeleitet. Dieses Phänomen geht mit tiefer Informationsverarbeitung, einer Tendenz zur Überstimulation, hoher Emotionalität und sensorischer Empfindlichkeit einher. Der hochsensible Mann ist zusätzlich noch mit dem gängigen Rollenklischee konfrontiert.Immer wieder erleben Psychotherapeuten wie Tom Falkenstein, wie diese besonders tiefsinnigen Klienten unter ihrer angeborenen Temperamenteigenschaft leiden. Sie schämen sich für ihre Empfindsamkeit. In seinem Buch beleuchtet der Autor alle Aspekte der Hochsensibilität aus Sicht des Merkmale, Angrenzung zu psychiatrischen Diagnosen – und vor den selbstfürsorglichen Umgang mit der eigenen Sensibilität. Zahlreiche Übungen sowie Interviews mit hochsensiblen Männern, die gut mit ihrer Disposition leben, zeigen Das Ziel ist nicht, weniger sensibel zu sein, sondern seine Stärken schätzen und einsetzen zu lernen."Das Buch zeigt auf, wieso wir hochsensiblen Männer von der gegenwärtigen Männlichkeitskrise nicht nur besonders betroffen sind, sondern auch die besten Voraussetzungen dafür haben, diese Krise als Chance zu nutzen. Ein wichtiges und nützliches Buch, das Druck wegnimmt und praktische Werkzeuge an die Hand gibt. Danke, Tom Falkenstein!"(Georg Parlow, Autor von "zart besaitet")„ Ein fachlich fundiertes Buch speziell für hochsensible Männer! Die tief gehende Auseinandersetzung mit Männlichkeit und Sensibilität ist dazu angetan, unsichere hochsensible Männer zum Umdenken anzuregen und nachhaltig in ihrem Selbstwert zu stärken. Das Buch wirkt als kraftvolle Ermutigung, sich in der feinsinnigen und empfindsamen Wesensart anzunehmen und einzubringen. Ein wichtiger Beitrag zum Empowerment von hochsensiblen Männern.“(Ulrike Hensel, Autorin und Coach für HSP)„Tom Falkensteins Buch zeichnet sich durch Präzision, Klarheit und Sachlichkeit aus. Ein einzigartiges und ermutigendes Buch für alle Männer, die ihre hochsensible Wesensart besser verstehen und sinnvoll nutzen möchten."(Brigitte Küster, ehemals Schorr, Autorin mehrerer Bücher zum Thema Hochsensibilität)"Hochsensibilität ist ein faszinierendes Thema, welches zunehmend an Popularität gewinnt. Tom Falkensteins Buch über hochsensible Männer ist ein wichtiger Beitrag in diesem relativ neuen Gebiet. Die wissenschaftliche Fundierung auch aufgrund empirischer Forschungsresultate sowie die zahlreichen praktischen Vorschläge werden vielen Männern (und Frauen) dabei helfen, ihre Hochsensibilität besser zu verstehen und mit ihr im Einklang zu leben."(Dr. Michael Pluess, Queen Mary University of London)
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First published September 8, 2017
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 75 reviews
June 13, 2019
This book has a ton of great information, but it's presented in very alarmist and extreme form. While I enjoyed reading the science, the suggestions for healing, and the patient studies highlighted in each chapter, this author is pretty militant in her guidelines-- and I get it-it's worked for her, and frankly, they're probably all good. That said, as someone who is new at trying to manage autoimmune disease through diet and lifestyle changes, I'm glad I've read other, less extreme accounts first. I'm never ever going to send a poop sample in the mail to find out what a lab has to say about it, and I'm never going to enjoy kale or be able to afford the amount of supplements recommended. That said, I will say that drastically limiting gluten and sugar in my diet and making sure I'm getting enough sleep has been an absolute game changer for my arthritis, and there are some good tips in this book regarding, for instance,using monkfruit and stevia as sweeteners, meditation techniques, being cautious with environmental toxins, and overall intestinal and autoimmune health. So 3 stars for the info, but be forewarned that I don't think most people, especially those who are sick, are going to be able to implement as drastic and numerous changes as this book calls for. Maybe I'm wrong- hell, if you'd told me a year ago I'd be trying gluten/sugar free diet and it would actually be making massive difference in my inflammation and pain levels, I never would have believed that either. A decent resource, just don't get discouraged with yourself if you read it. Even imperfect and less extreme changes can make bug differences. This book is for the truly hardcore.
July 1, 2021
This book is honestly a game changer for me as a highly sensitive man. It has really helped me to deeply understand myself and has enabled me to develop narratives and strategies to support myself in my day to day context. Tom Falkenstein has done an amazing job of bringing together a sequential text that is a must read for any man who has a tendency towards high sensitivity.
Aspects of this book that I found particularly helpful:
* An initial contextualisation of the subject that clearly highlighted the topic of high sensitivity in the subject of masculinity.
* Clarity around defining high sensitivity around depth of processing, overstimulation, emotional reactivity and sensitivity to subtle stimuli. These were so on pointe for me and explained so much about myself.
* Personal excerpts of highly sensitive men’s stories at the end of each chapter. These were highly reinforcing and validating for me. Some of them I felt like I could simply change the name to mine they were so resonating.
* Practical strategies around mindfulness and self compassion.
* The concept of the inner protector - absolutely love that and love him.
* Real focus on self care strategies - these are again highly valuing and something I haven’t really ever taken intentional action around.
I absolutely loved this book, took a few months to read it at my leisure taking the time to absorb it. It is a book I will read and re-read and re-read.
Aspects of this book that I found particularly helpful:
* An initial contextualisation of the subject that clearly highlighted the topic of high sensitivity in the subject of masculinity.
* Clarity around defining high sensitivity around depth of processing, overstimulation, emotional reactivity and sensitivity to subtle stimuli. These were so on pointe for me and explained so much about myself.
* Personal excerpts of highly sensitive men’s stories at the end of each chapter. These were highly reinforcing and validating for me. Some of them I felt like I could simply change the name to mine they were so resonating.
* Practical strategies around mindfulness and self compassion.
* The concept of the inner protector - absolutely love that and love him.
* Real focus on self care strategies - these are again highly valuing and something I haven’t really ever taken intentional action around.
I absolutely loved this book, took a few months to read it at my leisure taking the time to absorb it. It is a book I will read and re-read and re-read.
Read
October 24, 2022a steaming bowl of chicken soup for the soul!!!
(although all those relaxation and self-calming exercises really bored me - I'm here for the theory only, I ain't gon put nothing into practice, thank you very much!!!)
(although all those relaxation and self-calming exercises really bored me - I'm here for the theory only, I ain't gon put nothing into practice, thank you very much!!!)
November 30, 2018
A well-balanced mixture of what an HSP should know, and what to do with it. This is a must-read, men and women alike.
In his book, Tom Falkenstein succeeds in blending theory essentials of the HSP concept that every single person who sees himself/herself as an HSP should be familiar with together with practical step-for-step guidelines for how to manage e.g. situations of overwhelming emotions, overstimulation, recovery and poor self-esteem.
Along the introductory route, the author poses the question "Is there a masculinity crisis?"; then narrows the scope to the highly sensitive man's troublesome issues with traditional masculinity but also what such a man may add to the construction of a new masculinity; and finally addresses the issue of high sensitivity in scientific terms. That includes the definitions and descriptions of e.g. temperament, extraversion and introversion, behavior inhibition, slow-to-warm-up infants, the notions of the orchid and dandelion but also tulip children, and sensitivity negative issues but also advantages. Then the most essential scientific aspects that every HSP should be familiar with: the scientific concept of Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) and its effect manifestions in Deep processing, Overstimulation, Emotional reactivity and empathy, and Sensing the subtle – hence the DOES model. This is a crucial model to comprehend, simply because a person's HSP trait is identified and assessed through it. Moreover, Falkenstein stresses in accordance with dr Elaine Aron that the trait has to be present in ones early life and not as the effects of psychological disorder or trauma, which also is a crucial requirement.
In the subsequent major part of the book, though, the author in his open-minded way provides us with a vast toolbox of strategies when needed, as support for sustaining a good life as HSPs. This is done by a mixture of theories and exercises based upon e.g. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance, physical relaxation and imagination, and are also addressing the relationship with our selves, self-confidence and self-esteem, and sensitive self-care. The book is closed by an appendix containing an extensive and fruitful interview about HSP men with Dr Elaine Aron, who also wrote the foreword of the book. Moreover, all chapters are closed by an empirical set of voices from highly sensitive men, which have participated in a study conducted by the author. Those voices turn out to be both very confirmatory and insightful.
As the touch of my review so far may have revealed, I find this book an excellent choice for any reader–men an women alike–who is a) interested in serious and well-informed literature about the HSP trait, b) wants to work with him- or herself to improve the ability to handle emotions and overstimulation, and/or c) is curious about what messages HSP men have for the world. Since I have been around in the aware HSP context since 2012, I have read and pondered quite a few books about the trait by now. Nevertheless I find this book refreshing. I think it is partly due to the condensed way Falkenstein manages to pack his message and the way he addresses the reader, but also my personal takeaways, of course. And I also appreciate the strong positive pitch in his view on the HSP men's (and women's) potential role in the world. As far as I am concerned, this book mates perfectly well with Dr Elaine Aron's book The Highly Sensitive Person in my bookshelf.
Finally a couple of short notes, as suggestions from my reading of the first Swedish edition: 1) Since this book contains e.g. a lot of scientific concepts associated with researchers, an index would be most welcome to facilitate the use of the book as a reference work; and 2) For the exercises containing steps of e.g. body scanning and relaxation, I would like to propose a recorded guide reading the instructions. Maybe that is possible to add in future editions, by adding URLs to recordings at sources like e.g. Spotify, SoundCloud, YouTube or other online services that seem fit?
Last but not least: Thank you, Tom. I am just as impressed by as grateful for this contribution to the highly sensitive community!
In his book, Tom Falkenstein succeeds in blending theory essentials of the HSP concept that every single person who sees himself/herself as an HSP should be familiar with together with practical step-for-step guidelines for how to manage e.g. situations of overwhelming emotions, overstimulation, recovery and poor self-esteem.
Along the introductory route, the author poses the question "Is there a masculinity crisis?"; then narrows the scope to the highly sensitive man's troublesome issues with traditional masculinity but also what such a man may add to the construction of a new masculinity; and finally addresses the issue of high sensitivity in scientific terms. That includes the definitions and descriptions of e.g. temperament, extraversion and introversion, behavior inhibition, slow-to-warm-up infants, the notions of the orchid and dandelion but also tulip children, and sensitivity negative issues but also advantages. Then the most essential scientific aspects that every HSP should be familiar with: the scientific concept of Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) and its effect manifestions in Deep processing, Overstimulation, Emotional reactivity and empathy, and Sensing the subtle – hence the DOES model. This is a crucial model to comprehend, simply because a person's HSP trait is identified and assessed through it. Moreover, Falkenstein stresses in accordance with dr Elaine Aron that the trait has to be present in ones early life and not as the effects of psychological disorder or trauma, which also is a crucial requirement.
In the subsequent major part of the book, though, the author in his open-minded way provides us with a vast toolbox of strategies when needed, as support for sustaining a good life as HSPs. This is done by a mixture of theories and exercises based upon e.g. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance, physical relaxation and imagination, and are also addressing the relationship with our selves, self-confidence and self-esteem, and sensitive self-care. The book is closed by an appendix containing an extensive and fruitful interview about HSP men with Dr Elaine Aron, who also wrote the foreword of the book. Moreover, all chapters are closed by an empirical set of voices from highly sensitive men, which have participated in a study conducted by the author. Those voices turn out to be both very confirmatory and insightful.
As the touch of my review so far may have revealed, I find this book an excellent choice for any reader–men an women alike–who is a) interested in serious and well-informed literature about the HSP trait, b) wants to work with him- or herself to improve the ability to handle emotions and overstimulation, and/or c) is curious about what messages HSP men have for the world. Since I have been around in the aware HSP context since 2012, I have read and pondered quite a few books about the trait by now. Nevertheless I find this book refreshing. I think it is partly due to the condensed way Falkenstein manages to pack his message and the way he addresses the reader, but also my personal takeaways, of course. And I also appreciate the strong positive pitch in his view on the HSP men's (and women's) potential role in the world. As far as I am concerned, this book mates perfectly well with Dr Elaine Aron's book The Highly Sensitive Person in my bookshelf.
Finally a couple of short notes, as suggestions from my reading of the first Swedish edition: 1) Since this book contains e.g. a lot of scientific concepts associated with researchers, an index would be most welcome to facilitate the use of the book as a reference work; and 2) For the exercises containing steps of e.g. body scanning and relaxation, I would like to propose a recorded guide reading the instructions. Maybe that is possible to add in future editions, by adding URLs to recordings at sources like e.g. Spotify, SoundCloud, YouTube or other online services that seem fit?
Last but not least: Thank you, Tom. I am just as impressed by as grateful for this contribution to the highly sensitive community!
February 26, 2019
Chances are you or someone you know suffers from chronic disease. This is an unfortunate reality of the 21st century. Beat Autoimmune is written in a conversational, easy to understand manner. It includes important discussions such as how the environment, microbiome, infections, food allergies, epigenetics and toxins play a role in autoimmune disorders. I admire the author's autoimmune plight and her dedicated crusade to help herself and others, I fundamentally disagree with the correlation she proposes between childhood stress and autoimmune diseases such as MS. While I agree stress plays a role in managing autoimmune diseases, I don't agree that it plays a causative role, or in the author's words, is one of the "root causes." Having said that, this book was still worth the read. I appreciated the informative research, anecdotal evidence and positive messages.
March 16, 2019
***** This book is not trying to sell you anything except itself and a better awareness of your own body and how you can help yourself to improved health. Many respected resources relate similar info to help avoid things like heart disease, but the info here hopes that you will adopt the foods imperatives that could change your physical health and thereby improve your present as well as your future. Just reading the book will not change much, but if the info is applied you will indeed see changes.
I requested and received a free ebook copy from Kensington Books via NetGalley. Thank you!
I requested and received a free ebook copy from Kensington Books via NetGalley. Thank you!
December 16, 2019
This book is not a quick read nor is it a guide that gives easy to follow practical advice. A person suffering from an autoimmune disease would find it interesting to read as long as they took the information with a grain of salt (make that sea salt seeing as the author says table salt is bad). The author does identify lot of areas that could have an impact on the development of an autoimmune disease but her solutions for dealing with each one are so varied and extreme as to make the book pretty much useless. As well, the author doesn't back up what she says with much in the way of references or research and she herself is a layperson. In each of the six sections she has a little self-test that I defy anyone to get a good rating in. By the time I got to the third one I was laughing out loud because according to these self-tests every person in the world has an autoimmune disease and thus should do all these extreme measures of a massive daily cocktail of vitamins and supplements, organic meat and produce, no dairy or gluten, reducing stress (although reading this book will increase some people's stress ...)
That said, it's good to read through. Some things might resonate. Just don't let it stress you out!
That said, it's good to read through. Some things might resonate. Just don't let it stress you out!
August 28, 2018
Toegankelijk boek dat een goed beeld weergeeft over hoog sensitieve mannen. Praktische tips en interessant om te lezen.
June 24, 2021
Really helpful read if you are (or know) a highly sensitive man.
My favorite excerpts:
If you can accept that you get overstimulated more quickly or react more emotionally than most other men, instead of struggling against it, then you will have already made a fundamental change. It is only through the freedom that you can find in acceptance that you are going to be able to make positive changes. But if you desperately try to be different from how you actually are, then you will only create more suffering and more pressure in your life.
Let's imagine your disposition as a garden. Where your garden is, the direction that the garden is facing, whether north, east, south, or west, is a given and cannot be changed. Of course, we can fertilize the soil and aerate it, but we can't plant a north-facing garden in the same way as we can plant a south-facing garden. But the moment we get to know our garden and understand what kind of garden it is, then we can begin to make plans and buy exactly the right flowers and plants that are going to thrive in this particular garden. Only then will we be able to enjoy our garden. And if we feel envious of our neighbor's garden because it seems to be in a better position than ours, then we're not going to enjoy our own garden for what it is. We're not going to see what makes our garden unique, what it offers us, what it needs to become a really beautiful garden.
All of our feelings are important and have a function. Even the grief that we feel after the death of a loved one is necessary because it shows us that that person was important to us and that our relationship with that person had meaning in our life, that life itself is meaningful to us. Feelings enrich our life, spur us into action, and encourage us to do things.
The German psychologist Klaus Grawe posited four basic emotional needs:
1) Need for attachment (secure, safe, emotionally close to others)
2) Need for orientation and control (not feeling helpless, taking control, saying no, acting self-autonomously)
3) Need to increase and protect our self-worth (feeling that one has worth as a human being, confident, proud, experiencing success)
4) Need for pleasure (activities that are fun, fulfilling, joy, meaning, etc)
Mindfulness is the antidote to being on autopilot.
I often compare the human psyche to a radio station and consider thoughts as the songs that the station plays 24 hours a day. We don't love all of the songs, and sometimes it plays repeats of songs that we don't particularly like. But it can be useful to recognize that this is just the way this radio station works, that it is its job to play one song after the other. We can't change that. And the station is never going to not play any songs. But what we can change is learning not to give the song we don't like any more attention that we have to, to give it no more attention than we would give to any other song that the radio is playing. At the end of the day, it is only one song among many, and at some point even this awful song is going to stop playing. If we can do this, then we are going to find this song less annoying and it's going to seem less important, meaning that we're going to get better at tolerating it.
Strategies for good self-care:
Make relaxation and recovery a priority in your life
Sleep
Seek out calm/chill shops and restaurants
Eat 3 regular meals per day and eat snacks, hydrate
Make sure you're spending time alone regularly
Spend time in nature
Take regular vacations
Make your home a place of calm where you feel completely comfortable, secure, relaxed and safe
Take short work breaks
Use natural light, turn off TV/music when too loud/not in use
Enjoy your sex life and the physical intimacy connected to it
Regularly practice mindfulness and relaxation
Have a structure and routine, but not so much that you become overly rigid
Accept that overstimulation will happen
Seek out positive stimuli and experiences
In difficult moments, ask yourself what you could change to make the situation more pleasant or easier to bear
Speak to others about your sensitive nature
Have set working hours (start and finish at clear time)
Take a lunch break away from work
Avoid multitasking at all costs
Find a career that aligns with your sensitive nature
Be authentic
Be a HSP role model
Make contact with other HSPs
My favorite excerpts:
If you can accept that you get overstimulated more quickly or react more emotionally than most other men, instead of struggling against it, then you will have already made a fundamental change. It is only through the freedom that you can find in acceptance that you are going to be able to make positive changes. But if you desperately try to be different from how you actually are, then you will only create more suffering and more pressure in your life.
Let's imagine your disposition as a garden. Where your garden is, the direction that the garden is facing, whether north, east, south, or west, is a given and cannot be changed. Of course, we can fertilize the soil and aerate it, but we can't plant a north-facing garden in the same way as we can plant a south-facing garden. But the moment we get to know our garden and understand what kind of garden it is, then we can begin to make plans and buy exactly the right flowers and plants that are going to thrive in this particular garden. Only then will we be able to enjoy our garden. And if we feel envious of our neighbor's garden because it seems to be in a better position than ours, then we're not going to enjoy our own garden for what it is. We're not going to see what makes our garden unique, what it offers us, what it needs to become a really beautiful garden.
All of our feelings are important and have a function. Even the grief that we feel after the death of a loved one is necessary because it shows us that that person was important to us and that our relationship with that person had meaning in our life, that life itself is meaningful to us. Feelings enrich our life, spur us into action, and encourage us to do things.
The German psychologist Klaus Grawe posited four basic emotional needs:
1) Need for attachment (secure, safe, emotionally close to others)
2) Need for orientation and control (not feeling helpless, taking control, saying no, acting self-autonomously)
3) Need to increase and protect our self-worth (feeling that one has worth as a human being, confident, proud, experiencing success)
4) Need for pleasure (activities that are fun, fulfilling, joy, meaning, etc)
Mindfulness is the antidote to being on autopilot.
I often compare the human psyche to a radio station and consider thoughts as the songs that the station plays 24 hours a day. We don't love all of the songs, and sometimes it plays repeats of songs that we don't particularly like. But it can be useful to recognize that this is just the way this radio station works, that it is its job to play one song after the other. We can't change that. And the station is never going to not play any songs. But what we can change is learning not to give the song we don't like any more attention that we have to, to give it no more attention than we would give to any other song that the radio is playing. At the end of the day, it is only one song among many, and at some point even this awful song is going to stop playing. If we can do this, then we are going to find this song less annoying and it's going to seem less important, meaning that we're going to get better at tolerating it.
Strategies for good self-care:
Make relaxation and recovery a priority in your life
Sleep
Seek out calm/chill shops and restaurants
Eat 3 regular meals per day and eat snacks, hydrate
Make sure you're spending time alone regularly
Spend time in nature
Take regular vacations
Make your home a place of calm where you feel completely comfortable, secure, relaxed and safe
Take short work breaks
Use natural light, turn off TV/music when too loud/not in use
Enjoy your sex life and the physical intimacy connected to it
Regularly practice mindfulness and relaxation
Have a structure and routine, but not so much that you become overly rigid
Accept that overstimulation will happen
Seek out positive stimuli and experiences
In difficult moments, ask yourself what you could change to make the situation more pleasant or easier to bear
Speak to others about your sensitive nature
Have set working hours (start and finish at clear time)
Take a lunch break away from work
Avoid multitasking at all costs
Find a career that aligns with your sensitive nature
Be authentic
Be a HSP role model
Make contact with other HSPs
Want to read
March 1, 2019This is a good book on a very very complicated topic. As you probably know, diagnosis and treatment of autoimmune is highly individualistic. The authors do a very job of trying to simply the related topics and provide realistic (not necessarily simple) approaches. There is a ton of good info here and it can be overwhelming (but that's no fault of the author). This is credible, helpful info. Getting thru it and taking action can take a very long time -- again due to the nature of autoimmune, not the author.
I'd recommend this without hesitation. Don't expect to finish the book and be "cured". But it may point you in the right direction or at least a potential direction, since addressing autoimmune can take years.
I really appreciate the ARC for review!
I'd recommend this without hesitation. Don't expect to finish the book and be "cured". But it may point you in the right direction or at least a potential direction, since addressing autoimmune can take years.
I really appreciate the ARC for review!
June 17, 2019
I learned a lot about how to support my health and healing from reading this book. I’ve had chronic back pain and sciatica for 15 years, which isn’t necessarily an autoimmune condition, and yet I found this book insightful and empowering. It’s packed with practical information that Palmer has managed to communicate in an easily understandable and applicable way. The chapter about how to manage stress was worth the cost of the book ten times over. It has already helped me take better care of myself and begin redesigning my life and work to be more supportive of my deepest well-being. I also appreciate reading a book written by someone that is not only a clinical expert but also has direct personal experience of struggling with and overcoming a massive autoimmune condition.
June 26, 2023
As a person with an autoimmune disorder, much of this information was familiar. This book was chock full of stuff that I was implementing way back in 2005, with the help of an Integrative Medicine Doctor. And I truly felt better, lost weight, and had more energy. Then life got in the way, and I stopped doing most of these things. I am still GF, but nowhere near as careful with my diet as I used to be, and I rarely take supplements anymore.
Reading this book has given me the kick in the butt that I need to start implementing some changes. And although the advice in the book may seem drastic, I figure each little step will make a difference to my overall health. I think it will be a good tool.
I won this book in a Goodreads Giveaway.
Reading this book has given me the kick in the butt that I need to start implementing some changes. And although the advice in the book may seem drastic, I figure each little step will make a difference to my overall health. I think it will be a good tool.
I won this book in a Goodreads Giveaway.
October 1, 2020
Thankyou Tom (and Elaine) for helping me understand more about the oddities of me.
December 15, 2024
There are so many things I can say about this book..
First of all, if the title speaks to you in any way, I highly recommend it - whether you, or somebody you know is a highly sensitive man, or if you just want to know a bit more about human psyche.
The book explains very thoroughly who a highly sensitive person is and presents you with tools enabling you to find out whether you or somebody you know is one themselves and later lists many issues that especially highly sensitive men may come across together with ways of fixing them.
Personally, reading about the common issues of HSM made me feel incredibly validated, especially given that ever since childhood I was not well regarded by my parents or teachers either for crying ("boys don't cry") or just being sensitive and not how "boys should be" - and now somebody is talking about these problems and telling me it's alright!!
I've long given up on the traditional image of a man but even still the book is incredibly eye-opening and provides many great exercises and recommendations for how to deal with this side of yourself.
I especially loved the little interviews with highly sensitive men which can be found at the end of each chapter as they also show you how real people see their sensitivity and how they deal with it.
Overall, I highly recommend the book, even if (like me) you are not really into self-improvement literature.
First of all, if the title speaks to you in any way, I highly recommend it - whether you, or somebody you know is a highly sensitive man, or if you just want to know a bit more about human psyche.
The book explains very thoroughly who a highly sensitive person is and presents you with tools enabling you to find out whether you or somebody you know is one themselves and later lists many issues that especially highly sensitive men may come across together with ways of fixing them.
Personally, reading about the common issues of HSM made me feel incredibly validated, especially given that ever since childhood I was not well regarded by my parents or teachers either for crying ("boys don't cry") or just being sensitive and not how "boys should be" - and now somebody is talking about these problems and telling me it's alright!!
I've long given up on the traditional image of a man but even still the book is incredibly eye-opening and provides many great exercises and recommendations for how to deal with this side of yourself.
I especially loved the little interviews with highly sensitive men which can be found at the end of each chapter as they also show you how real people see their sensitivity and how they deal with it.
Overall, I highly recommend the book, even if (like me) you are not really into self-improvement literature.
Read
April 5, 2022This would probably be my go-to recommendation for Highly Sensitive men (believe it or not); it’s a solid overview of the trait, some helpful discussion about unique challenges facing men who are highly sensitive, and insightful interviews with other highly sensitive men. There’s also a LOT of practical advice, which I’ll admit slowed my reading down (why would I want to actively engage with these ideas when I can just read it, move on, and forget it?), but it’s good to have, if you can take it in smaller chunks. I imagine I should probably re-read this again sometime.
January 27, 2022
I first read Elaine Aron’s “The Highly Sensitive Person” last year. It was a fantastic book, but there were aspects that did not connect with me as much. Tom Falkenstein’s “The Highly Sensitive Man” was a richer and more in-depth exploration of this character trait as it exists specifically in men, and I found it much more directly applicable to my own life and circumstances. Chapter 5 on emotional regulation was a godsend and immeasurably valuable. I did find the commentary on “toxic masculinity” rather disagreeable, but such comments are relatively few and usually balanced well enough with caveats. In popular media “toxic masculinity” is a sociopolitical weapon attacking masculine traits in general and intent on feminizing men. Which is a pile of bovine scat. But Falkenstein does not go this route, even if he does at times seem to imply that “toxic masculinity” is more widespread than it is. That said, such a quibble is a minor one compared to the wealth of information and practical strategies in the book, particularly, as noted, chapter 5. The book is roughly divided in half between “theory” and practice. Having read Aron’s work, I found the second half far more valuable. A note: I simultaneously listened to the audiobook while reading the print version. I did not enjoy the audiobook as much, as the male narrator had a rather too soft voice. Given the discussion about self-worth in one of the later chapters, it might have been better if a stronger male voice, say Richard Armitage or Charlton Griffin, had narrated.
June 4, 2019
It seems like every day I hear of a friend or relative diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. New autoimmune diseases continue to be identified and they seem to be becoming a problem that affects virtually every family. Not to mention the millions who are sick and struggling to find an accurate diagnosis. I myself have multiple autoimmune diseases. I’ve spent the better part of the last decade taking a holistic approach to heling my autoimmune diseases. I have read dozens of books on autoimmune health, healing, and treatment. When I had the chance to review this from NetGalley, I jumped at the chance. This is an incredible resource. It’s full of solid information on autoimmune disease. You’ll find comprehensive, research-backed into on autoimmune management. Treatment options, holistic home-care, and information on working with a practitioner are included. This book is a must-have, in my opinion, for individuals with autoimmune disease and their loved ones. Healthcare practitioners would also benefit greatly from this information. Medical professionals are struggling to learn how to treat these conditions. So many of them are just so new, medical professionals can’t keep up. If you’re looking for a comprehensive way to treat, manage, or heal from autoimmune disease- grab this book.
April 2, 2019
I too have a form of MS and other autoimmune diseases. I have a friend who has done lots of research in this area and tells me similar information. I'm finding this to be an excellent resource and recommend it for anyone battling MS or other autoimmune conditions such as Lyme, Hashimoto's, fibromyalgia, etc.
After doctors told her the only treatment was to take medicine and she would be confined to a wheelchair, Palmer searched for other answers. Was a good thing, too, because she reversed her MS through nutrition and lifestyle. ( I must profess this is where I struggle, the diet and nutrition aspect) The author has carefully put all the research into one place which is very helpful. . The "toolkit" approach contained in this book is full of actionable steps you can take to figure out your root cause triggers and start to heal. I highly recommend adding this to your arsenal against Autoimmune disorders.
I requested and received a digital copy from Kensington Books via Netgalley, all opinions are my own.
After doctors told her the only treatment was to take medicine and she would be confined to a wheelchair, Palmer searched for other answers. Was a good thing, too, because she reversed her MS through nutrition and lifestyle. ( I must profess this is where I struggle, the diet and nutrition aspect) The author has carefully put all the research into one place which is very helpful. . The "toolkit" approach contained in this book is full of actionable steps you can take to figure out your root cause triggers and start to heal. I highly recommend adding this to your arsenal against Autoimmune disorders.
I requested and received a digital copy from Kensington Books via Netgalley, all opinions are my own.
June 27, 2019
Very informative
Just what I needed to get started in my healing process from autoimmune conditions. Would highly recommend anyone to read this whether or not you are dealing with autoimmune. Thank you
Just what I needed to get started in my healing process from autoimmune conditions. Would highly recommend anyone to read this whether or not you are dealing with autoimmune. Thank you
February 25, 2022
Excellent book that breaks down the root causes of disease and tools to help address the issues. Especially good for someone without a medical background. Very reader friendly. So thankful for this resource. I actually read it twice.
April 17, 2022
This book does a good job starting the conversation about treating empathy and heightened awareness in such a way that men who have them can better live with themselves, in a culture that all-but-criminalizes these positive traits. They don't tend to be against the literal law - nobody was seeking to lock up Mister Rogers (to my knowledge) - but the cultural norms that celebrate tenderness, conscientiousness, and a need to be shielded from over stimulation are rarely afforded to men, and many men spend their lives as targets for the crime of being born with more mirror neurons and a balance of hormones that make them caring.
Books about high sensitivity that are written for a general audience may pay lip service like "HSPs face social challenges (especially men)" - but then they charge forward without addressing this disparity and effect. Because that's a whole other book. This book is the *start* of that 'whole other book'.
The book does a poor job of calling out tons of problems - like the cultural disdain and threat that men who lack consciousness and empathy present to, oh - everyone else. It doesn't address race or creed at all (to my recollection), it doesn't address disparity or distribution of wealth, it barely addresses the source of the sensitive boy's grief (it names it, but offers few suggestions, solutions and no analysis): his parents, peers and school culture - as they shame and grind him down in his formative years. The book also does a weak and half-hearted look into the divisions/spectrum of gender and sexuality - certainly a monumental subject when addressing male sensitivity. Even barring the lack of print space given to gay men, and the complete absence of even reference to transgender men, there is barely reference to the sexuality of straight heterosexual men. I think these subjects are considered too controversial to include. The intent is to provide a resource that helps the greatest number of men struggling with their empathy.
*Ironically - this literally points to the fact that the subject is TOO SENSITIVE for the book about high sensitivity.* I'm interested in reading the book that moves the work forward - the book that "grows a pair", if you will.
Also too sensitive for inclusion is reflection on how women reinforce and uplift toxic male models that drive down the men who empathize and are capable of the most genuine connection with them. This self defeating pattern is brought to you by generations of cultural teaching from our various churches, school yards, and the late nights when dads came home overtired and you do whatever you can to not make him mad at you - after all you love him and he's nice sometimes.
All that said - I'm rating it 4, because it is critical and men need life rafts like this. There are worthwhile exercises that will certainly help (although physical exercise is overlooked for some reason - certainly something to be encouraged, especially to a male audience). Especially today, this seems like one of the areas where our culture needs the most investment in understanding, outreach, and the rescue and care called for in the spots where the abuse begins. Spotting those flashpoints is difficult when there are so many.
Books about high sensitivity that are written for a general audience may pay lip service like "HSPs face social challenges (especially men)" - but then they charge forward without addressing this disparity and effect. Because that's a whole other book. This book is the *start* of that 'whole other book'.
The book does a poor job of calling out tons of problems - like the cultural disdain and threat that men who lack consciousness and empathy present to, oh - everyone else. It doesn't address race or creed at all (to my recollection), it doesn't address disparity or distribution of wealth, it barely addresses the source of the sensitive boy's grief (it names it, but offers few suggestions, solutions and no analysis): his parents, peers and school culture - as they shame and grind him down in his formative years. The book also does a weak and half-hearted look into the divisions/spectrum of gender and sexuality - certainly a monumental subject when addressing male sensitivity. Even barring the lack of print space given to gay men, and the complete absence of even reference to transgender men, there is barely reference to the sexuality of straight heterosexual men. I think these subjects are considered too controversial to include. The intent is to provide a resource that helps the greatest number of men struggling with their empathy.
*Ironically - this literally points to the fact that the subject is TOO SENSITIVE for the book about high sensitivity.* I'm interested in reading the book that moves the work forward - the book that "grows a pair", if you will.
Also too sensitive for inclusion is reflection on how women reinforce and uplift toxic male models that drive down the men who empathize and are capable of the most genuine connection with them. This self defeating pattern is brought to you by generations of cultural teaching from our various churches, school yards, and the late nights when dads came home overtired and you do whatever you can to not make him mad at you - after all you love him and he's nice sometimes.
All that said - I'm rating it 4, because it is critical and men need life rafts like this. There are worthwhile exercises that will certainly help (although physical exercise is overlooked for some reason - certainly something to be encouraged, especially to a male audience). Especially today, this seems like one of the areas where our culture needs the most investment in understanding, outreach, and the rescue and care called for in the spots where the abuse begins. Spotting those flashpoints is difficult when there are so many.
December 26, 2025
I found this informative and learned a lot about the characteristics of highly sensitive men that I hadn’t previously considered. Even though I’m not the target audience, understanding more about how these men navigate the world was illuminating and will help me be more compassionate with my spouse and other friends who fit the bill. The self-care and self-worth sections were particularly useful.
That said, the book got repetitive at times and was fairly dry. The anecdotes about actual patients were the most interesting and the author could have used more examples to liven it up. Would recommend to anyone who may think they themselves are sensitive or may be spending significant time with men who are.
That said, the book got repetitive at times and was fairly dry. The anecdotes about actual patients were the most interesting and the author could have used more examples to liven it up. Would recommend to anyone who may think they themselves are sensitive or may be spending significant time with men who are.
June 25, 2021
Stupid me didn't know this was a self-help book. I only liked the first two chapters because it discussed the psychological concepts on sensitivity, and a brief history on how society view men. The succeeding chapters were not my cup of tea. I would rate this at least three stars though because I think it's better than most bestselling and problematic self-help books (i.e., The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck 😀).
October 5, 2024
I've gone through a lot of books on the subject of health and healing and living with autoimmune conditions, and this one is one of the best I've read. It's thorough, practical, and encouraging (if a bit overwhelming). It's one I will be returning to frequently as I implement some of her recommendations and begin exploring others.
October 10, 2024
Bit too masculine for my taste (we NEED sensitive men to SAVE the world (calm down)). I did like the testimonies in this book, and it is a good introduction into the phenomenon of high sensitivity. But all in all it was not very illuminating and a bit too dramatic and repetitive for me.
April 22, 2021
I bought this book on a recommendation from a therapist, who was familiar with the writings of Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person. It turns out that the author of this book (Tom Falkenstein) was indeed aware of Ms. Aron's work, as it based upon the latter, and there's a transcribed interview between the two at the end.
I can honestly say this is one of the most compassionate self-help books I ever read. I think I finished it in less than a few days, it was so absorbing, and found it highly resonated with me.
Overall, I liked the book, especially Part 1; I skimmed and skipped the first few chapters of Part 2, but liked the ending chapter. I found it written in a quite positive, and more importantly, compassionate manner. This is the first writing of its kind where I actually started to see and feel myself in, which is saying alot. In retrospect, other writings were close, but not this close. It (finally) started to give me a sense of 'acceptance'. As noted in the comment from interviewee Henry (Chapter 5): “I have been diagnosed wrongly so many times and have been treated for depression and anxiety, while no one ever told me that what I’m going through is an inherited part of my personality that I need to accept, not a disorder that needs fighting.”
I didn't see the book as rallying against ‘toxic masculinity’ (although it is mentioned) – just offers a suggestion / mental exercise where HSP’s (Highly Sensitive Persons) are more valued for who they are / what they bring to the table. It seems to be oriented toward inclusivity, and provides a bit of relief for those who previously felt compelled to ‘not be like that’ (i.e. like they actually are) or ‘more like this’ (i.e. what Western culture thinks they should be). Importantly, it doesn’t try to excuse the nature of HSP men (or suggest they are better or need special treatment) – it acknowledges the unique challenges they face in the world today (Chapter 4), and potential strategies for helping oneself through them – it seems to be about understanding, accepting and being able to work with / manage oneself. Can't expect the world to change for HSP's (and it certainly won't), but there's finally a piece of work which encourages such persons to recognize and find the best environments and practices for them.
Some of the other items I liked about the book:
- the actual interviews with HSP men at the end of each chapter, asking the same questions – illustrates that HSP men are not all the same;
- the transcribed dialogue between the author and Elaine Aron (author of The Highly Sensitive Person) at the end of the book;
- where it says in Chapter 2 (Understanding High Sensitivity), in reference research done by Michael Pluess: “… ‘differential sensitivity’ – that being sensitive means you suffer more from being in a negative environment, but also that you thrive more in a positive environment.”;
- where it says in Chapter 5 (Strategies: What Emotional Regulation Is), in reference to work by Klaus Grawe, positing four basic (human) emotional needs: (a) the need for attachment; (b) need for orientation and control; (c) the need to increase and protect our self-worth; and (d) the need for pleasure. Going on to say: “The emergence of feelings and emotions, whether positive or negative, can be traced back to the satisfaction of, frustration of, or potential threat to these four basic needs, in their myriad different manifestations in different people.”;
- where it says in Chapter 9 (Self-Worth and Self-Care for Highly Sensitive Men): (a) “It is important here to pay attention to your own inner monologue. If you hear often enough from other people that you don’t have enough self-confidence, then at some point this will become a set part of your personal narrative and one that you begin to tell yourself. Are you then even going to be able to notice when you do feel a sense of self-worth or when you have acted in a self-confident way in a particular situation?”.
I found the book's references to our inner critic to be particularly valuable. It sounded like that for HSP men, the inner critic can be highly amplified and engrained beyond what is healthy when they are surrounded by traditional masculine environments / activities / expectations.
Again, the book is not a rallying cry against traditional masculinity; it just shows that there are (and will always be) men who don't (perfectly) fit this mould simply because of who they are, and as such, their needs and how they can navigate in our world are different.
A great complement to the book 'Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking' by Susan Cain.
I can honestly say this is one of the most compassionate self-help books I ever read. I think I finished it in less than a few days, it was so absorbing, and found it highly resonated with me.
Overall, I liked the book, especially Part 1; I skimmed and skipped the first few chapters of Part 2, but liked the ending chapter. I found it written in a quite positive, and more importantly, compassionate manner. This is the first writing of its kind where I actually started to see and feel myself in, which is saying alot. In retrospect, other writings were close, but not this close. It (finally) started to give me a sense of 'acceptance'. As noted in the comment from interviewee Henry (Chapter 5): “I have been diagnosed wrongly so many times and have been treated for depression and anxiety, while no one ever told me that what I’m going through is an inherited part of my personality that I need to accept, not a disorder that needs fighting.”
I didn't see the book as rallying against ‘toxic masculinity’ (although it is mentioned) – just offers a suggestion / mental exercise where HSP’s (Highly Sensitive Persons) are more valued for who they are / what they bring to the table. It seems to be oriented toward inclusivity, and provides a bit of relief for those who previously felt compelled to ‘not be like that’ (i.e. like they actually are) or ‘more like this’ (i.e. what Western culture thinks they should be). Importantly, it doesn’t try to excuse the nature of HSP men (or suggest they are better or need special treatment) – it acknowledges the unique challenges they face in the world today (Chapter 4), and potential strategies for helping oneself through them – it seems to be about understanding, accepting and being able to work with / manage oneself. Can't expect the world to change for HSP's (and it certainly won't), but there's finally a piece of work which encourages such persons to recognize and find the best environments and practices for them.
Some of the other items I liked about the book:
- the actual interviews with HSP men at the end of each chapter, asking the same questions – illustrates that HSP men are not all the same;
- the transcribed dialogue between the author and Elaine Aron (author of The Highly Sensitive Person) at the end of the book;
- where it says in Chapter 2 (Understanding High Sensitivity), in reference research done by Michael Pluess: “… ‘differential sensitivity’ – that being sensitive means you suffer more from being in a negative environment, but also that you thrive more in a positive environment.”;
- where it says in Chapter 5 (Strategies: What Emotional Regulation Is), in reference to work by Klaus Grawe, positing four basic (human) emotional needs: (a) the need for attachment; (b) need for orientation and control; (c) the need to increase and protect our self-worth; and (d) the need for pleasure. Going on to say: “The emergence of feelings and emotions, whether positive or negative, can be traced back to the satisfaction of, frustration of, or potential threat to these four basic needs, in their myriad different manifestations in different people.”;
- where it says in Chapter 9 (Self-Worth and Self-Care for Highly Sensitive Men): (a) “It is important here to pay attention to your own inner monologue. If you hear often enough from other people that you don’t have enough self-confidence, then at some point this will become a set part of your personal narrative and one that you begin to tell yourself. Are you then even going to be able to notice when you do feel a sense of self-worth or when you have acted in a self-confident way in a particular situation?”.
I found the book's references to our inner critic to be particularly valuable. It sounded like that for HSP men, the inner critic can be highly amplified and engrained beyond what is healthy when they are surrounded by traditional masculine environments / activities / expectations.
Again, the book is not a rallying cry against traditional masculinity; it just shows that there are (and will always be) men who don't (perfectly) fit this mould simply because of who they are, and as such, their needs and how they can navigate in our world are different.
A great complement to the book 'Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking' by Susan Cain.
May 28, 2021
I will preface this review by saying that I'm not sure if I am a Highly Senstive Person (HSP). I do meet some of the criteria, but there are other aspects of HSPs that are totally foreign to me.
I had mixed feelings about this book. First, I think it would benefit from being marketed as a workbook. If one approaches it as a book to read-through instead of work-through at one's own leisure it becomes tiring. I listened to this as an audio-book and when I was in the mindfulness chapters I couldn't wait for the book to finish. It was so boring. I think it would definitely benefit from being more concise and referring readers out to other resources.
If approached as a work book this book has a lot of strong points. It highlights the contributions and strengths of sensitive men. It encourages them to be themselves, and to take care of themselves. It provides exercises in self-reflection in order to achieve calm and confidence. I encourages men to accept themselves exactly how they are instead of trying to change themselves.
However, the book does get repetitive. It could easily be more concise. In fact, one could almost sum up the gist of the book in a couple of core ideas: accept that you are sensitive, realize that there is nothing wrong with that, practice mindfulness, advocate for yourself, and in case you didn't get it the first time practice mindfulness.
I had mixed feelings about this book. First, I think it would benefit from being marketed as a workbook. If one approaches it as a book to read-through instead of work-through at one's own leisure it becomes tiring. I listened to this as an audio-book and when I was in the mindfulness chapters I couldn't wait for the book to finish. It was so boring. I think it would definitely benefit from being more concise and referring readers out to other resources.
If approached as a work book this book has a lot of strong points. It highlights the contributions and strengths of sensitive men. It encourages them to be themselves, and to take care of themselves. It provides exercises in self-reflection in order to achieve calm and confidence. I encourages men to accept themselves exactly how they are instead of trying to change themselves.
However, the book does get repetitive. It could easily be more concise. In fact, one could almost sum up the gist of the book in a couple of core ideas: accept that you are sensitive, realize that there is nothing wrong with that, practice mindfulness, advocate for yourself, and in case you didn't get it the first time practice mindfulness.
June 5, 2019
This phenomenally informative book explains In seven chapters how autoimmune diseases originate and how to take action to beat or cure them. The additional 5 appendices are a treasure trove for further examination and healing.
Each chapter is full of examples, details, research and case examples which makes this book an excellent reference to refer to again and again. More about approaches to functional medicinal approach can also be found on the website www.BeatAutoimmune.com.
The whole book can be summarised with the acronym “F.I.G.H.T.S.,” food, infections, gut health, hormone balance, toxins, and stress.
What I liked is not only the wealth of information but all the action steps given to really tackle and ultimately heal what the author calls “autoimmune epidemic”. This book is like the’ must-have reference guide everyone who lives on the standard American Diet (SAD) needs. I highly recommend it.
Each chapter is full of examples, details, research and case examples which makes this book an excellent reference to refer to again and again. More about approaches to functional medicinal approach can also be found on the website www.BeatAutoimmune.com.
The whole book can be summarised with the acronym “F.I.G.H.T.S.,” food, infections, gut health, hormone balance, toxins, and stress.
What I liked is not only the wealth of information but all the action steps given to really tackle and ultimately heal what the author calls “autoimmune epidemic”. This book is like the’ must-have reference guide everyone who lives on the standard American Diet (SAD) needs. I highly recommend it.
February 9, 2020
This is a clear and comprehensive description of the highly sensitive man, and includes a whole heap of articulate recommendations for how such a person is to function best in the world. I ended up struggling to finish it, not because it was poorly written, but because it felt (to me) as if it made too much of the "weakness" of the highly sensitive man that needed protecting, and not enough of the attunement that sensitivity brings.
I found myself identifying with the "highly sensitive" description to find myself just as quickly kicking myself clear of its implications of moderating the environment to avoid overwhelm. Or perhaps I've already worked this out for myself through trial and error.
Certainly a good book to give to someone who is wondering WTF is going on, why they feel they need to escape from the world often etc, but perhaps not so helpful if you well aware of your situation and want to mine the gold contained within it.
I found myself identifying with the "highly sensitive" description to find myself just as quickly kicking myself clear of its implications of moderating the environment to avoid overwhelm. Or perhaps I've already worked this out for myself through trial and error.
Certainly a good book to give to someone who is wondering WTF is going on, why they feel they need to escape from the world often etc, but perhaps not so helpful if you well aware of your situation and want to mine the gold contained within it.
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