Better Together: How Women and Men Can Heal the Divide and Work Together to Transform the Future

by Danielle Strickland

An impassioned plea and workable solution for women and men to imagine a better world, embrace their differences, find ways to end oppression, and learn how to work better together.

We are currently at a strategic cultural intersection with relationships between women and men eroding. And it seems no one knows what to do. While it is good for women to expose their pain, what often happens is that they immediately blame the person at the other end of it, which sets up a never-ending cycle of accusations, denial, avoidance, and ultimately devastation for everyone involved.

This moment of discovery should not signal the end but instead become an opportunity to create a different world where men and women are better together.

Better Together is a beacon of hope in a challenging storm. It’s where thoughts can be rechanneled and hope rekindled as author Danielle Strickland offers steps toward a real and workable solution. Her premise is that two things are needed for change:

1) imagine a better world, and

2) understand oppression.

Understanding how oppression works is an important part of undoing it.

Danielle says, “I refuse to believe that all men are bad. I also refuse to believe that all women are victims. I don’t want to be just hopeful, I want to be strategically hopeful. I want to work toward a better world with a shared view of the future that looks like equality, freedom, and flourishing.”

Genres: Relationships, Faith, Leadership, Theology, Feminism

224 pages, Paperback

Published February 11, 2020

Reviews

[Rachel Cottam · Rating 3 out of 5]

A Christian-centered argument for gender equality and women empowerment. Some sections felt tangential to the equity conversation, but it was intriguing to consider the topic through a different perspective. I also aligned with her idea of mutual flourishing.

[Jeanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

RATING 3.5 STARS

I believe gender inequity is at the heart of the world's greatest felt needs. And there is an answer. Reconciliation is pulsing as a kingdom idea that will meet the deepest needs of our time.

Sexism, gender equality, and calling the Holy Spirit of feminism take. So there is much here. When I read a Christian book such as this, I like to see it thru the lens of the gospel. In that view point, I just saw a one sided gospel. The victimization of women. I am not denying that however, men and Women are to blame for the divide. It starts at home. This was not mentioned as well. I think the author experiences it in her own home, however, a family that works well together for the gospel will be better equipped to work well in community.

Another issue that was difficult for me is the gender of God. In the bible as you read it, there is no she but he. The author feels that because of that, we have a major problem in inequity. This is dangerous ground in how we view God. We are made in his image not hers. God does not rate women as the lessor but as partner, a helper.

Oppression comes in many different forms. I have seen both men and women in these roles. However, the author does offer value to what can be accomplished if there is healing and reconciliation. Repentance on both sides of the gender issue is a great start.

A Special Thank you to Thomas Nelson and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.

[Jenna Vance-Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would def recommend this book to anyone in ministry. Even outside of ministry, working on the relationships and reconciliation of genders is important work. This book casts a good vision for the future while providing a few good tools that could be used in any work place. Women belong in leadership and men and women working together is the best outcome.

[JillP · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the book and it was worth it. I think I’d like to buy a hard copy to be able to refer back to. Lots of things to ponder. Great insights and reality checks. As well as hope for the future.

[Jeff · Rating 2 out of 5]

Strickland's premise is that men and women working together in leadership leads to better outcomes in business, in society and in the church. It's a good premise, but I think she fails to make convincing arguments. As she moves from chapter to chapter, I found her target audience seemed to change. One chapter is an argument for equality in the business world, then another chapter moves to society as a whole, then a third to the church. As a pastor, I was waiting for her to deal with the more problematic scripture passages concerning women in leadership, as well as discuss the passages that affirm the role of women in leadership, and came away disappointed on both counts. I also struggled with her definition of a woman who is a success. Her standard seemed to be the number of women CEOs or MPs or congresswomen, all of which are important. But she didn't talk at all about the role of women as mothers shaping the next generation of leaders, and only touched briefly on the role of women as supports to their husbands. Some women are called to these two roles in life as much as others are called to be pastors and CEOs ion their own right. What this book does do well is identify a problem, particularly within some areas of the church, and as such it is an important book in terms of getting people thinking and getting the conversation started. And her argument for the benefits of women in leadership is well taken, though in reading it one comes away with the feeling that ALL the good in the world takes place because women are involved. But while this book does a good job starting the conversation, a more deep dive into the complexities of some of the at times overly simplistic solutions she calls for, and into the theological questions involved is needed.

[Joy · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a staunch egalitarian, I was all in on Strickland's work when she focused on mutual flourishing and the work of reconciliation between the genders. However, I think it's really hard to talk about empowerment in a Christian world view without also talking about humility and service in equal measure. Otherwise, it just seems to teeter on the edge of secular feminism plus, plus, oh yeah, the cross. I appreciated much of what she said, but the balance felt off to me. It seemed to be very much about elevating women to a place at the board table and behind the pulpit (which I 100% support) instead of affirming men and women to answer to the call of their own giftings, even when that leads them to more traditional service (yes, I am an active lay leader in a denomination that encourages mutuality, and yes, I am a seminarian, but I am also a woman who happily chose to be a leader in the domestic 'church' for almost two decades, so I'm not sure that I felt like I fit in at her table). I also think there is an argument to made for reconciliation between women and between men as a result of a patriarchal system that breeds competition and a sense of worth pegged to work, so I wish she had had a chapter on this to fill out the story.

[Dale Schaeffer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve been listening to Danielle speak for over a decade and have always found her to be a compelling communicator. This book is no different, but yet it is different. Her approach in speaking is often narrative and rooted in story, while her approach in Better Together was much more theoretical and data driven. Because the book is aimed at moving people to embrace a new way of operating, I’d have liked to have seen her aim for the heart more than the head with this book. Data and theory have a way of creating resistance in listeners who do not already agree with the author’s proposition and I’m afraid that’s what will happen with several of the readers of this book. I’d hoped for a book that would help move the needle with leadership teams and I think it will do some with people who are already fairly open to her argument, but I’d look for a different tool if I were trying to move a more resistant culture. Overall there’s a lot to love about this book and I do recommend it, just be sure you read it first before leading a leadership team through it.

[Jacob · Rating 4 out of 5]

The path forward toward gender equity requires a hopeful picture of the future rooted in "mutual flourishing" as well as a clear resolve to take action toward realizing that future.

***
What I appreciated in this book is that Danielle Strickland is a Church leader, with a vested interest in seeing the Church affirm women in leadership, but she does not make this book about the Church or theology. She makes the book about what's best for the world in every arena. She clearly states how gender equity is the wisest approach to flourishing in all aras of life -- relationships, economics, world pece, productivity, etc. -- which to me gives it an undertone of showing how mutual flourishing among the genders is an expression of the Kingdom.

[Nigel · Rating 5 out of 5]

From what I remember of the book everything and anything was all LAY never LIE.

Do you lay a table cloth or lie a table cloth, does a hen lay her eggs or lie her eggs.

If people get schooling education, will poverty end? Doubtful intelligence is a reward system; even if IQ rises, which it has, wealth is rewarded those few 5% without exception intelligence bought the elitist.

It often turns out that the real value of life

LIE

Far away from the places in which we're looking for them-" and what about democracies, most protested.' You're getting confused with equality. Democracies is an unfair system. They ask idiots like you for their opinion.'"

-the incorrigible optimists club

[Ryan George · Rating 4 out of 5]

I attended the conference that Danielle Strickland mentions at the start of the book and credits for this book’s genesis. I was utterly wowed by her message there and then again recently on a long-form podcast. Unfortunately, I got most of the content of this book in those places; but I was happy to contribute to her cause by buying this book. Not a single pastor of any church I attended the first 20 years of my life would support Strickland’s message, but I wish they had. She offers a compelling way out of the #churchtoo pandemic.

[Ike Unger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Danielle Strickland is a relevant and needed voice in the discussion around equality. I found the majority of the book was written to men, and this is necessary, but it didn't quit live up to the title "How women and men can heal the divide and work together to transform the future". I hope there is a follow up book that really dives into the "How".
Having said that, I would challenge leaders to read this, it is eye opening and informative.

[Allison Meadows · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, it is helpful and practical, providing real steps that can be taken at to bridge gaps in leadership in the church or in the secular realm. She identifies the problem and its roots in our society in various places, but spends more time outlining those those ways we can do things better versus dwelling on the problem. I would recommend this book to those who are truly passionate about healthy leadership teams.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. This pastor shared a sermon at our church about a week ago and I loved her! This book did not disappoint; I might have to listen to it again and am encouraging my husband and grown kids to also read it. It’s all too uncommon to find a white pastor who has written a book like this with a focus on social justice, and particularly that goes into the history of the oppression of women and gender equity in these ways. I feel like it’s also more practically useful than I expected.

[Jonathan Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

A helpful and challenging call for men & women to work together for the good of the world. Some really clear steps and strategies. Written in an enthusiastic and encouraging way.
Whilst a few comments made me uneasy (especially around the doctrine of God), this voice is one that needs to be heard and considered.

[Peter Yoshonis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a deeply impacting book for me. Danielle Strickland not only helps us look back historically with honesty, but offers vision and hope to move forward. This was one of the most compelling reads for me in recent years. I highly recommend it. And I want to be part of becoming better together.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really straight forward, practical and relevant book for those is church leadership and everyone else too. Challenging questions to ask ourselves and many facts and figures to back up what is said in regards to inequality and equity. I'd enjoy a hard copy for references back to certain facts and revisiting some of the questions.

[Barb Winters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book! It's inspiring and uplifting. It definitely stretched my thinking and beliefs in a good way. And because I write and speak on the dangers of pornography, I'm especially grateful that Danielle addresses the power of pornography and its influence on how men and women connect and relate to each other. Bravo!

[Nusreta Hanssen]

This is a book about gender equality from a christian perspective. I wasn’t expecting this especially as I just read Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement.

It is fascinating how Christianity is interpreted in completely opposite ways 😱

[Antonio Morton · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you care about gender equality this is a MUST read! Danielle does a phenomenal job of taking an impossible vision and making it seem possible. I want to see things changed because we are better together!!

[Jana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. Loved everything about this book. It's a beautiful picture and call to the truth of needing both men and women equally and when see true equality and equity society, families, relationships, and workplaces all flourish.

[Rebecca Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

READ. THIS.

[Jonathan Griffiths · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding book and utterly vital.

[Jamie Pennington · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good and timely book. So important.

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook. I enjoyed listening to the author narrate her own book, you could hear her passion. I enjoyed the details of the book and ways to think and work through the divide to be able to work together.

[Amy Jacobsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Liked the vision of the book but would have been helped by a few more practical suggestions for action and application.

[Alyson Hulka · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved the truths of gender equity from a faith viewpoint!

[Taylor Bradford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic!!!!!!!!!! Must read for all, especially those in ministry or any sort of leadership role.

[Grant Gunston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful in (re)imagining what better could look like