Male vs. Man: How to Honor Women, Teach Children, and Elevate Men to Change the World

by Dondré T. Whitfield

Males look to be served. Men look to be of service. Emmy Award–nominated actor best known for his role on Queen Sugar and transformational speaker Dondré Whitfield challenges us to be real men in this provocative look at the power found in serving others.

Too many males abuse the power they have.

Often those males grow up without healthy role models and so, while they look like men, they act like boys. Only now there are adult consequences to their actions.

And many of us are caught in the shifting cultural ideas about manhood, unsure of how to make sound decisions or truly be a man. Every day we find evidence that the role of men at home, at work, and out in the world is deeply misinterpreted.

In Male vs. Man, Dondré Whitfield equips us to become men rather than simply "grown males." Men are healthy and productive servant-leaders who bring positive change to their communities. Males are self-serving and stuck in negative cycles that we hear and read about daily. They create chaos instead of cultivating calm.

Male vs. Man is an uplifting playbook for men who want to level up. It will help men and women alike understand what real manhood is, based on biblical wisdom as well as hard-earned lessons from someone who has been there. With practical guidance and a strong spiritual foundation, Dondré shows how to cultivate the life-changing spiritual, emotional, and psychological attributes of servant leadership at home, at work, and in our communities.

Genres: Nonfiction

208 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 7, 2020

Reviews

[Shawn James · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I heard about Dondre T. Whitfield’s Male Vs. Man last year I was counting down the days until the book’s release. As an author of Men’s issues books and a YouTuber who makes videos that discuss men’s issues from a God centered perspective I was eager to learn how he defined the difference between a male and a man. After reading Dondre’s book in three days, I have to say he not only clearly defines the difference between a male and a man, but gives readers the blueprint on how a male can start doing the work towards matriculating into manhood.

As I was reading Male Vs. Man I could relate to a lot of what Dondre was writing about. As a kid growing up in the South Bronx in the 1980s I ran into my fair share of males. And growing up in the mid–late 1980s in a God centered home I knew there was a difference between a male and a man as early as 12 years old. Back then I couldn’t put a finger on it, but now that I’m older I’ve come to understand the difference between the two.

Like Dondre states in his book, Males are stuck in a state of arrested development and want to be served. They live for women to take care of them and take the lead in the relationship. They live for their lusts and don’t think about anything except what they can take from others.

Men understand the role God has established for them on earth and are looking to serve their families and communities. Men want to be responsible stewards who live to Serve The Most High Living God and hold themselves to the standard of service Jesus established when he washed the apostles’ feet.

A lot of what Dondre writes about I’ve experienced in my own life with my Walk with God over the last 30 years. What I really like about this book is how Dondre comes straight from The Bible to present the differences between a Male and a Man. And I have to agree with him about how Males are flesh centered and how Men are Christ Centered. One of the reasons I believe we are having a Man crisis here in America as I see it is because we don’t have enough God-centered Men with a foundation in Christ teaching boys about the true definitions of manhood or showing them a true model of manhood and masculinity God established in The Bible.

And I also like how he talks about being an active example of Christ, something I practice every day in my own life. There’s a big difference between a religious person and a follower of God and Dondre clearly understands that. Men who have grown into manhood and understand their God established roles are doers of the Word are active and try to show an example of Christ in their lives and apply the Word to their everyday walk.

What I also like about the book is how Dondre lays out a blueprint for males to grow into manhood. In my own book The Man Crisis I talk about investing in men to end the Man Crisis that has led to so many men winding up on a road to self-destruction and self-destructive behaviors. And that investment of time like Dondre details in several chapters regarding the time he spends with his son is the difference between a boy growing up to become a man with purpose and direction or a Male who winds up going nowhere.

As a writer of men’s issues nonfiction books, and a writer with over 25 years in the game, I have to say Dondre T. Whitfield has done an excellent job on Male Vs. Man. It’s a well written book that clearly presents the problem of males and helps them work towards becoming men. Now in the book Dondre says he’s been told he’s not a good writer, but when I read his book I clearly heard his voice speaking to me. That’s the mark of a good writer. I’m hoping to see more men’s issues books from Dondre T. Whitfield in the future, I believe he has a gift for writing and I’d love to see him share more of his wisdom with readers.

I highly recommend you get Dondre T. Whitfield’s Male Vs. Man for your father, son, brother, uncle, and any man or boy in your life. I believe this book is going to help out a lot of men and boys out there and transform their lives. It’s a book that’ll I believe is going to give a lot of males out there a clear picture of why they are lost and give them a road map to help get them started down the road to God Centered manhood and start working towards living an abundant life.

[Carla Cherry · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It's a great guide for young men to read as they seek to grow into manhood.

[Adrienna · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book carries so much weight, to teach our young men and older ones how to be such, not just a male. Men do not start fires (Firestarter) and to put out fires (firefighter).

"The job as a man is to deny the flesh in order to allow the Spirit to guide my steps (page 28, eBook)." He quotes from Maya Angelou who tells us to choose better; when you know better than do better.

Man needs:
1. purpose
2. precision

Joyce Meyers speaks on the battlefield of the mind, Dondre Whitfield touches on what hinders or helps the flesh. Furthermore, he breaks down the man vs. male as stated on the title of the book with examples of men to determine the difference.

He quotes the scripture, Proverbs 3:5-6, which is my grandmother's favorite. It also became one of mines. He explains early on his reasoning and meaning for using scriptures to get the reader to grasp his full statements on "male" vs. "man".

Nearly 1/2 of the boys grow up mostly by feminine influence at home and at school, which is true. Men also need a modern day rite of passage to grow into manhood. Men do need to practice being calm in chaos, or instead of becoming irrational due to their emotions, thoughts causing them to react instead of proact (page 47, eBook, author paraphrased). Calm is the chief motivator of chaos. Power of language. faith in God.

Although he is stating the facts through brief examples, scriptures, and expansive definitions sprinkled throughout the book to drive his point home, I can see this book for marriage and relationship teachings in faith-based ministries for sessions or Bible Study (i.e. read chapter 5 alone can be used as such).

Early on, you'll learn about the acronym: ACE. Good example: Moses. Have you met a man who holds all three: authenticity, clarity, and empathy. He further expresses that a man can run from an assignment, and no male can matriculate into manhood without submitting to the call (p 148, ebook).

What I also took from the reading on Cain: Cain's anger fueled into jealousy--that caused him to feel rejected--which turned him into a murderous monster of his own brother (paraphrased by reviewer). "Am I my brother's keeper?" Yes, he was.

The author further explains how many are attacked based on the color of their skin, spiritual beliefs, and even sexual identity. (this is so timely, for times like this). As righteous people, God's people, we lack empathy and understanding when we so often stand in judgment (p 155, ebook). We have the unwillingness to address the issues, by using scripture to reason or for refusing to love others or treat them as such--make a place for them (paraphrased by reviewer, p 156). We should feel God's love, period! Christ should look good on you--still working on my shine, and glow with serving Him while loving others in retrospect. As followers, it is a space for fellowship not judgement (especially in the church building, but to live in our hearts too. Jesus said the two greatest commandments (not mentioned in the book): 1. to love Jesus with all your heart, mind, and soul, and might (strength), 2. to love your neighbor (which includes your enemy)--so let's live it out, believers/followers. I do agree with the author that God intended us to be happy on Earth (here), and to add, as it will be in heaven. It is about delivering God's msg and his undying love.

Whitfield expressed how he changed his health due to inflammation and chronic pain caused by the meat + dairy, of which, he moved to a strictly plant-based diet (does this mean no processed foods too, or just vegan) and his pain vanished immediately (p 170, ebook). I am seeing so many entertainers and people in general going this route...I am still a work in progress but trying harder this year in 2021 due to chronic pain and other health conditions more so in 2020.

I am listening to the author (as if he is on a talk-show) while reviewing the eBook version too.

I borrowed copies from the public library on Hoopla.

[Olukemi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciate this book and the message.
It is clear that Dondré is a wise man. It was very spiritual and contained LOTS of scripture. Additionally, there were many action steps and lots of examples. It made me think deeply about my interaction with men but also about my connection to the creator. I’d recommend this book for a person who is looking for perspective into manhood.

[Missie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Calling all men. No judgment. No lectures. Just a way to be respected and protect. It's a tough cross over from the grown male to man. Not for cowards, or those who faint easily. Come on y'all we need you. .

[Anita Dawson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I returned the book to the library before I wrote the exact quote, but to paraphrase "a male wants to be serviced and a man wants to be of service to others" This sums up the entire book for me. I recommend highly!!!

[CTEP]

For this December book club, I read Male vs Man. Actor and Transformative speaker Dontre Whitfield, takes this book to a whole another level of teaching young men how to transition into men. My mother recommended me this book as I need to read on how to be the ideal version of a man. Even at 29 years old, I feel like I’m still at the male stage. Without no car,my own apartment or my own kids. Other adults look at me and still think that I’m a male because of my disability. Whitfield discusses these questions on What is a man or male? Guiding you in his Man University (Man U) in different scenarios of men in their 20s describing their line of work. I like Whitfield abbreviation using the word KID standing for King in Development.
How this book relates my AmeriCorps service is that I think everyday on how can I make things different at my site when I go back in person when this virus is over and what’s going to happen in the future when I leave CTEP? Most of our cohort are living on their own for the first time or living with a roommate. Perhaps if I’m hired at a full-time position either at home or on site maybe its time to save up for my own place one day. It puts me a man mode where I actually want to think I need to know how to pay rent and I’m good at catching up on phone and internet bills. I’m tired of seeing other family members failing and then they get a slap on the wrist from my mom then they do the same thing over and over again. I need that one chance to transition as a male to finally get my own apartment and to feel like I belong in the group of being a man. It moment where I want people to not call me a baby anymore or that I need to learn something.
Whitfield believes in god and it stated many times in the book on how the lord blesses you and examples on how to be man and leadership is one of those qualities. I recommend this book to my male/man CTEP members or to my female CTEP member who can recommended to their boyfriends or partners so they can have a good read.

[Chelley’s world of books · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, I bought this book as a Christmas present for a friend. He absolutely loved it and told me I had to read it for myself, so I did. Well, let me be honest. I listened to the audiobook. I told you guys, reading non-fiction is not my go-to, but I’ll bang the audio😄. The author Dondré Whitfield, actually narrates this book himself, as he is also an actor as well as an activist!

I enjoyed ever single minute of Man vs Male. Every 👏🏾single 👏🏾minute👏🏾. It is a MUST READ/LISTEN. I don’t give out 5 stars all willy nilly!

Dondré was able to break down what it means to be a man in society and how to become the best version of yourself.

“MALES look to be SERVED.
MEN look to be OF SERVICE!”

I had to give a couple clicks 🤌🏾 for the gems throughout. If you are a guy, woman, father, mother or even young boy; this book is a fantastic guide to help navigate through life. It teaches males how to become men and teaches women how to distinguish between a male and a man. He talks about raising his son to become a man who can look the mirror and be proud of himself, and he is raising his daughter to see clear examples of how a man should conduct himself and treat others.

He also mentioned that the same goes for women. All women are female, but not all females are women. That might be his next book and if so, I will be one of the first to buy it! Dondré nailed every chapter, with integrity, humour and some home truths.

Check this one out and let me know what you think! ✌🏾

[Matthew Liberio · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whitfield does an excellent job call the question "What is a man, really?" He speaks plainly and without apology while addressing the complex issues the prevent a male from becoming a true man. He claims in the intro that the book isn't intended to be Christian literature, but everything he says is based in scripture, which I love.

I appreciate his personal stories, and I enjoyed very much his case studies of men who have encountered real-life problems that have taught them to remain as grown males.

My only potential flag is that in part of one chapter, Whitfield addresses sexuality. He does so with great thought and care, yet seems to lean toward an affirming position toward sexual identity rather than calling men to find their identity in God first.

Ultimately, I think this is a book that is worth reading, especially for men who have influence in raising up other men. There's a lot of great value in Whitfield's words and from a vantage point that most of us don't often get. I appreciated the challenge and the perspective.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great book. Admittedly, I am not the intended audience, but I tend to have a vast range when it comes to book selection. That fact not withstanding, there were some points that could be applied to life, no matter who you are (for example: be of service rather seek to be served; modeling behavior, collaboration, etc.). These are just good practices, and it is nice to have a reminder now and then. I felt the book to be a tab bit condescending at times, but not so much that it was a turn off - more like an occasional eye roll. But, I feel like the author was genuine and authentic in his intent and his delivery. I listened to the audio version, narrated by Mr. Whitfield, and I would suggest this version.

[Judith D. Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good book for both sexes!

I gave this a review of five because he hits the mark spiritually. He was honest about himself and how he overcame his past and grew to the person he is now. I felt his strength and his mission to help others with the knowledge he gained on his journey. I am a woman and enjoyed reading this book this book and felt that is is a good read for women as well.

[Benjamin Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

Are you a man, or are you a male? Or, do you even know the difference between the two? Male vs. Man speaks on everything we must ask ourselves in the pursuit of that very question. Most people might be familiar with Dondré Whitfield through his acting and / or public speaking, though as an author he touches on some very important subjects and questions we should be asking ourselves. Like what does it truly take “to become a man?”

[Sylvie M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was surprised by the ease with which this book flowed. It was refreshing the way the author opens his heart and opens his life as a tool to illustrate the difference between a male and being a man. I will remember the lesson and language of pain within the book. I will be sharing this book with some of my students.

[Anthony L Washington Sr · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read. The author hits key points throughout entire book. I highly recommend this book for our young males making transition to becoming a Man. God is our key and the author gives us valuable information for guidance.

[Marc R. Saint Jour · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must Read For Every Man

This book is incredible in so many ways I don't know where to start. You don't need to be concerned about redundancy or bais it's packed with a tons of thought provking ideas, and principles that's easy to understand and apply.

[Zoey · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good read that helps me understand the difference between male and man. It also helps as I prepare to have a son myself, my husband suggested this book and we were able to read it together and found many things we would like to see as we raise our son.

[Katiana Ward · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Read

This book is great for young men, adult men, and women, it is a learning experience to understand God, the better way to communicate to your son, husband, or significant other. I was very impressed by the storytelling and the acronyms as well.

[Kameron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome Book

A awesome book. Would definitely recommend to anyone trying to figure out what it means to be a Man. Need more books like this

[Katra · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am not the intended audience for this book. That being said, I hope the intended audience finds this book and embraces it. It has a great deal to offer.

[Cordell · Rating 4 out of 5]

How to be a better man

This book came along when I needed a reminder of the man that God intentioned me to be. I found the message in the book to be resourceful and inspiring.

[Jeff · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was an eye opener! He explains in so much depth the difference between a Male and a Man.

[Kayisha Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible book. From a female perspective I think both men and women should read it. I truly learnt a lot and I appreciate the honesty about his/ Dondre's errors.

[Jason Paulateer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Love how Dondre weaves in the disclaimers helping his reader to get over their hesitations given his many Biblical references.

[Derrick Burnell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book!

I enjoy the way Dondre explains it. Simple and easy for those who have ears to hear. Sounds very familiar.

[Kassandra Philogene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Empowering Message

This book is quite the page turner! I really appreciate how Dondre explained the difference between a man and a male from his own perspective.

[Patrick Luo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great story. However, there is a lot of religious references that could turn people off. So keep an open mind to the message and meaning.

[Moomaloo · Rating 1 out of 5]

There are some food points in this book but I found it very hard to read particularly given the amount he mentions God. I was expecting some mention but it was too much for me.

[Melissa Nicole Burnett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing!

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a good resourceful book! Definitely going to have my son and daughter read this. It’s a wonderful blueprint for what a MAN should be.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book speaks volumes

So many great gems in this book. Highly recommended for men and women. This book was a big eye opener.