I Wish for You a Beautiful Life: Letters from the Korean Birth Mothers of Ae Ran Won to Their

by Sara Dorow (Editor)

Like all of us, birth mothers have stories to tell. Unfortunately, the stories of birth mothers in non-Western societies are sometimes inaccessible, ignored, or misunderstood

Genres: Adoption, Nonfiction

135 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1999

Reviews

[Janet C-B · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a collection of letters written by birth mothers in So. Korea who chose an adoption plan for their newborn babies. The letters were written within the context of the cultural norms in So. Korea in the 1990's. Unwed mothers were social outcasts, as were their children. Each letter, written to the newborn infant expresses the mother's love for her baby, sadness, longing and also hope for her baby's future. These letters have special meaning to me because I am the adoptive mom of a child, now an adult, who was born in So. Korea. Reading the letters was quite emotional for me. While the letters are very specific for these Korean born children, I think that the feelings expressed by the birth mothers are probably timeless, common, and worth reading by anyone who has an interest in the adoption process. It is also worthwhile reading for family and friends of birth mothers and adoptive families.
I rate this book 5 stars

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is well written. As a Korean adoptee who has not been able to reunite with birth parents yet, I find these letters tangible of what could be. I am biased against Christianity; how could culture be this way for so many women for so many years (not just Korea)? Also, as a child the Christian school I went to was more racist and exclusionary than the public schools I attended. I do not downplay this institute or these women’s choices, but it’s hard to read their faith in Christian God.

Overall, the authors gave effective background and gave these letters the right tone. I did like this read.

[Calla · Rating 4 out of 5]

According to contextual information provided within the book, Ae Ran Won is a Christian organization that provides support for unwed mothers in South Korea. Most mothers who go to Ae Ran Won choose to have their babies be adopted, and asking the women to write a letter to their child is part of the organization's programming. This book was compiled from some of those letters and was published and sold to support Ae Ran Won's operations.

Upon first encountering this book, I was quite wary. The messy politics of transnational adoption and Christian adoption organizations in South Korea left me unsure how to approach it. In terms of capturing the experience of unwed Korean mothers, this book is limited to the women who went to Ae Ran Won for support (ie, mostly Christian). I was also quite aware that this book was translated into English and provided to the public by people involved in or who support Ae Ran Won's operations. I imagine their expected readership consists mainly of white families involved in transnational adoption.

Despite all the biases and lenses that separate these women's experiences from my own experience of reading their translated words, their individual voices pierce through the distance like a knife. These women express their wishes and sorrows in by turns tender, regretful, and hopeful words. Their letters are an intimate window into the complicated emotions of young women at their most vulnerable. No, these letters do not express the full experience of being an unwed Korean mother. Few publications can do so. But they do provide the briefest of windows into the lives of thirty-six mothers expressing what they can to children they will likely never see again, and that's probably the closest I'll ever get.

I wasn't really sure what to do with myself when I finished this book. I'm still reeling. I've only met these women through letters written for other people, yet I find myself struggling to find closure with the experience of reading this book. How do I proceed forward? The only thing I can do is listen, remember, and share my experience of reading their letters with others. I think I will always carry their words within me.

[Rhiarne Bruce · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book captures an important point of view of adoption in a humbling manner. Have your box of tissues ready.

[Kate Barker]

Excellent...again...hard to not cry...

[C M · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wept while reading this beautiful collection of letters. I feel very fortunate to have read these stories and wishes.

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ok, I have beef with this book (hence the low rating),not the birth mothers. The birth mothers were all in tough places, caught in a Confucian society and “saved” by a Christian system. As a Korean adoptee, I am slightly suspicious of the overly evangelized tone of the majority of the mother’s letters. The beauty of the stories was sometimes lost under the false hopes these birth mothers had of reuniting. I highly doubt they were being told a full story during the adoption process, as it is well known that birth parents were told narratives such as “your child will go to the US for education and then return as an adult.” While the concept of ARW is lovely, it is problematic since it based in a white evangelical agenda. *side note: one of the individuals involved in the publication of the book was involved with Holt, one of the most controversial adoption agencies.

I will re read some of the letters, as I believe there are some heartbreaking and beautiful parts. I glossed over the over use of praising God since it felt like a cliched thing to say. My thoughts on this book may change slightly with time to reflect, but overall, I am not a fan of how the story/agenda of this book played out when I read/interpreted it. It seemed like some of the letters were really forced with Christian rhetoric, a white saviorism.

[Allison Doyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great read for research on the thoughts of birth mothers who chose to give up their babies for international adoption. It's not a long book, but most people choosing to read it will probably be doing so for some specific purpose and so give yourself extra time to read through and digest each short letter. I wouldn't necessarily recommend this as a book an adopted parent gives his or her child unless you want to read it together. Even if you think you're ready for a discussion of potential reasons for abandonment, some of these letters' justifications and rationales might be hurtful or hard to understand for young adoptees. Also, the book only focuses on Korean women who were unwed and unmarried during a certain timeframe. So this book does not have stories from women who had mixed racial children or married women who chose not to keep their babies. Most of the women are also from poorer families, and all are Christian. Bear this in mind if you're thinking of using it for research or to read on your own.

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was recommended reading from our adoption agency, and I am so glad it was one of the first books I read while we were in the adoption process. We know very little about our son's birth mom (and even less about his birth father), so reading these published letters gave me some insight into what Chris's birth mom may have been feeling as she made Chris's adoption plan. In some ways it was a difficult book to read--the emotions in some letters are not sugar coated--the mothers are raw, painful, and brutally honest about their feelings. Topics such as societal pressures against single parenthood and preference for males children. But almost all of the letters wish their children happiness and joy (the title of this book, I wish for you a beautiful life, comes from one of the letters). I cried many times reading this book and I intend to share it with our son when he is older.

[Deborah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a touching collection of letters written by unwed Korean women who gave their babies a chance at a better life through adoption. If anyone who was adopted ever wonders how their birth mothers could give them up, this would be an excellent book to read. It is agonizing for the mothers to know they will not see their children grow and to think that their children may believe they didn't love them. I've always believed that placing a baby for adoption is the act of an unselfish woman. This book confirms that belief.

[Chandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful collection of letters from birth mothers to their children whom they have made an adoption plan for. Simple, heart-wrenching, and simply gorgeous. Every adoptive parent should read this book!!!

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic, gut-wrenching, tear-jerking, thought-provoking. As a soon-to-be adoptive mom of a Korean born child, this book has given me an invaluable insight in to the loss, love, honor, and pain birthmothers face when making the most difficult decision.

[Sherrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some parts are repetitive, but still a must for parent of an adoptive child from S. Korea. The title comes from one of the most beautiful and touching letters in the collection - have tissues on hand when you read this one!

[Anita Grant · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love of a Mother giving up a child

[Steffy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really touching. Offers such insight into the hearts of Korean birth mothers. I was reading this in the days preceding and following the referral of our son from Korea. A really tremendous book.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this- heartbreaking, but so helpful, too, in understanding and empathizing with birth parents.

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read for families of children adopted from Korea and just about anywhere.

[Hye mee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this several years ago. A very emotional read.

[Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

brb sobbing my heart out