The Miscarriage Map: What To Expect When You Are No Longer Expecting

by Sunita Osborn, Catherine Knepper (Editor)

Miscarriage: It can devastate an individual, a couple, and family to their very core. And yet, this painfully common human experience is so rarely talked about. How do we continue functioning? How do we tell our partner what we need? How do we deal with emotional dumpster fire that is the aftermath of a miscarriage? How do we not kill the fifth person who tells us “You can always have another baby.”

With unflinching honesty and fearless humor, psychologist Dr. Sunita Osborn addresses the relevant but often unspoken topics following a miscarriage including the impact of miscarriage on a relationship, hating pregnant people and all things baby after miscarriage, your relationship with your body after miscarriage, and how to move forward (not past).

Informed by her clinical expertise and her own personal experience with miscarriage, the Miscarriage Map offers women, their partners, and loved ones with the nitty gritty realities of a miscarriage, the accompanying emotional roller coaster, and specific steps to take to help them get through this loss.

Genres: Nonfiction, Grief, Parenting, Death, Self Help, Memoir

158 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 7, 2019

Reviews

[Kasi · Rating 5 out of 5]

After my first loss, I read this book late at night while curled up under a blanket on my couch and cried almost the whole time. It was not that this book made me feel sad, on the contrary, it made me feel relief. It made me feel like I wasn't alone. Finally, I was reading words from someone who was being brutally honest and was saying absolutely everything that I was feeling.

Osborn is a psychologist, so her voice and her message are much appreciated and come out of the pages like a warm hug - seriously. I often felt like she was talking to me there on my couch, like she was holding my hand and giving me all the permissions I needed. I drank every word that I read and I remembered them when I had my second loss. You better believe that I practiced almost everything she had suggested. Her words were so powerful when I read them that they stayed with me throughout the second loss.

Pregnancy does not equal baby. This has been one of the hardest lessons I've ever learned. We lose so much when we lose our babies. We lose so much when we go through this loss. This book, however, gave me back so much. It gave me back some power, some feeling of control, and some feeling of strength. I can't thank Dr. Osborn enough for this book.

I hope you never need to read it.

[Izzy Bladen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally, someone gets it.

[Kerstin Harvey · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s hard to rate a book you never wish to read. But alas here I am. 5 stars because it’s so incredibly helpful to read your own thoughts from someone else. Someone who also happens to be a therapist, which makes it that much more validating. If you’re looking for a book to help yourself, if you’re looking for a book to help a friend, or you’re looking for a book to help you understand someone else this is the book. Thank you and I’m sorry Dr. Sunita Osborn. 🤍

[Kate Hair · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of this book is common sense, but definitely helpful to be reminded of. Can recommend for anyone unfortunate enough to join this club, for some practical steps you can take to try to make sense of it all 🤍

[Renee Carignan · Rating 5 out of 5]

To Dr. Osborn - thank you. Thank you so much and I am so sorry.

If you are in the unfortunate situation of searching for something to help you process a miscarriage - I am so sorry. No doubt about it - It sucks. It’s hard. And there are no easy, universal answers or experiences.

That being said, I highly recommend this book. I was at a loss, trying to use my tried and true coping mechanisms (distraction) but I couldn’t manage to find the focus for them. I thought I’d try reading about what I was going through, so I turned to the book that walked me through my few months of pregnancy - What To Expect When You Are Expecting. The chapter on miscarriage was informative but I found it lacking.

So, I searched for something else and found this book. I’m so glad I did. It sat with me in a way I didn’t know I needed. I needed to read it. I needed to process instead of trying to forcefully move on and this book helped me begin that journey.

It’s a perfect (for me) combination of raw honesty, compassion, research, and much-needed humor. It’s just short enough to be easily consumed (which was clutch for me because my attention span has been shot recently) but just long enough to go through its topics with the attention they deserve.

Most chapters after the first few have exercises at the end. I must confess I have not done them. My energy levels are very low and I need time to digest the information and process. I hope to go back and complete them.

This book didn’t give me the answers I was searching for, but that’s okay because no book, no one but myself, can do that. Instead, it sat with me, cried with me, and laughed with me, before sharing a map to where I might find them, and some tools to get me on my way.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not a book I ever wanted to read, but here we are. What a super validating book. I don't know why, but I could have thousands of people telling me that this situation is shit but nothing hit as hard as reading someone else's story and reflecting on what you have lost too. It's written like a woman going through trauma and just word vomiting the thoughts and feelings onto a page. It is like sitting down for a coffee and a chat with a best friend and them just listening to you and nodding along. Some of the ways to help deal and process are really helpful and it might not be for everyone but this topic needs to be discussed more. Spent the last few hours snuggled up in a blanket with a tea, having a good old cry but also being able to laugh too.

A quote from the book 'In the beginning, the sea is so unforgiving, and you keep getting pummeled by gigantic wave after wave to the point where you begin to wonder, will I ever be able to rest? Will I ever be okay? Eventually, in a few days, perhaps a few weeks or months, the waves start to slow down. Certain triggers such as hearing about another friend's healthy pregnancy, being asked by unknowing loved ones about when you will start your family, and reaching milestones such as what would have been your due date or your child's birthday may bring the waves crashing back on you again. You never know what is going to trigger that next tidal wave. But in between all the waves, there is life. There is respite and calm seas and a blue sky. You try so hard to cling onto those moments of tranquillity before the next wave arrives.' 🌊

[Sarah Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well this is certainly not what I expected my first book of 2025 to be.

While I hope none of you ever experience this type of loss and therefore read this book, I would recommend it to anyone who has. It was so immensely healing to have every single emotion I’ve felt and every single thought I’ve had put into words. Miscarriages bring on such an intense feeling of loneliness, but this book made me feel a little less alone.

[Faviolla Báez · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book that wasn’t on my bingo card for this year, but one I needed to read after my own loss. Being completely vulnerable here, but pregnancy loss is a topic no one touches unless you’ve been through it. I don’t like to talk about it as much but I’m trying to be more open about it because statistically speaking 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, and if this helps even one person, I’ll be satisfied. And it’s such an isolating experience because as a society we do not know how to approach it. The author does a great job voicing all the mental, emotional and physical aspects that are affected after pregnancy loss.

If you have to pick this book up like I did, I’m sorry you had to, but please know it’s a great read to help with the loss. You’re not alone and it wasn’t your fault.

I do highly recommend this book even if you haven’t experienced pregnancy loss, but as an act of empathy and solidarity to us who have.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have a experienced a miscarriage, I can not recommend this book enough. It has been a safety blanket for me during my most recent loss.

[Maria Adamson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cried a lot while reading this book because it was so helpful and true. The author (a therapist who had two miscarriages in quick succession) combines her therapeutic expertise, with data-led context and her own experiences. She articulated and validated so many specific thoughts and anxieties that I hadn't even named for myself. This was painful (hence the tears) but ultimately soothing. I highly recommend this book and I am really grateful I found it.

[McKell Hales · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow this book is exactly what the title describes! It goes through the good, bad and ugly. After my miscarriage in September, I had a tidal waves of emotions that would come and go daily, sometimes hourly. And while I knew that it was normal to feel that way, this book just validated everything I was feeling. I felt so seen. Can’t recommend enough to those going through a miscarriage. this book will help you feel seen!💙💗

[Annalise Sinclair · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a tremendous look into the feelings of grief and heartache that a woman faces after a miscarriage. I ordered the book late one night after depression kept me awake and thinking about my own miscarriage just 4 weeks prior. Dr. Osborn is funny, raw, and so very real when sharing her personal experience with miscarriage and her professional insight as a therapist. Completely recommend for any woman struggling after miscarriage.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was validating in many ways, it’s hard to find a secular book about miscarriage so that was nice. A lot of it was not relevant to me since I am blessed to already have a child. I didn’t totally vibe with the authors writing style but there were some helpful tidbits. 3.5 rounded up to 4 bc I do appreciate authors opening the dialogue on miscarriages.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although I would never have hoped to have reason to pick up this book, it really is indispensable for anyone going through a miscarriage. The author brings together her knowledge of psychotherapy for productive processing and mental and emotional work with her honest sharing of her own story. It lets the reader feel validated in all their feelings and felt so validating to recognize so much of my own journey.

I read this the day after my own D&C for a MMC and it helped me work through my emotions to start the healing process. It continues to provide me with comfort as I navigate the path beyond.

[Blair · Rating 5 out of 5]

“[Brene] Brown suggests that allowing yourself to have hope and experience joy prepares you for grief and pain…. That whole idea of not getting your hopes up to making coping with potential loss easier to deal with is complete bullshit. Not getting your hopes up is what causes pain and stops you from experiencing joy. Even though my hopes have not been realized - yet - I am so appreciative of the few weeks my husband and I had to be hopeful, joyful, and happy together. And I wouldn’t take them back for the world.”

[Rachelle Mouton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn't sure what to expect going into this book, especially since it's targeted for first trimester miscarriages, and mine was in the second. Still, I found most of the book very relatable as grief and love are not counted in weeks or months. This book helped me give myself some much-needed grace and love. I'm grateful it exists and will be telling my therapist to recommend it to clients who've experienced pregnancy loss.

[Emma Hinkle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was really helpful to read immediately before and following miscarriage. It had a lot of helpful, practical advice regarding how you could expect to feel and also normalizing feelings that may be hard to deal with (ie, not wanting to be around babies etc.).

[Mary Palmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I could write down everything I felt, it would be this. It makes even my darkest thoughts feel normal. Definitely recommend reading if you have had a miscarriage or want to better understand what it feels like to have one.

[Quinn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Osborn’s experiences really mirror my own.

[Devon Dramann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has carried me through the most intimately painful months of my life. I am so grateful to feel seen and to have a tool moving forward.

[Carley Tankersley · Rating 5 out of 5]

The hardest book I read this year. But the only book that gave me the words I needed. I didn’t know how to get through what I wish upon nobody. Miscarriage sucks. And there are no words that help. I am forever thankful to have had this book during my hardest chapter.

[Carly Reynolds · Rating 5 out of 5]

So validating ❤️

[Sarah Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I sobbed my way through this in one sitting. It is one of the most validating things I’ve ever read.

[Dee El Masri · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very well-written book that describes life after miscarriage to a T. I could unfortunately relate to every word in every chapter and I highly recommend it for anyone out there who has had a miscarriage and is trying to move forward and navigate life post-miscarriage.

[Kylie Bosse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reassuring and comforting from someone who understands. Trigger warning the author experiences 2 miscarriages and does not end the book with a “and now I had a baby!”

[Fireplace.Bookworm · Rating 3 out of 5]

The last third of the book was what I was really hoping the whole thing would be. It was raw, real, and provided practical reminders that many going through this odd grieving process can relate to. The first 2/3 of the book though were a scientific rehashing of what I already went through. Literal breakdowns of kinds of miscarriages and the steps to take in those first few days. This wasn’t helpful since I am months post miscarriage. I can see how this can be helpful if you could pick it up literally hours after the news or even prior BUT I didn’t find it helpful or reassuring months after.

Though I did find some nuggets of wisdom, I was disappointed that this was all I felt it would be.

[Leah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted a pregnancy loss book that compiled experiences from multiple bereaved parents. This book only described the author’s own experience and didn’t reference very much other material. I also didn’t like the excessive use of f-bombs or references to alcohol and weed as coping mechanisms. I did glean a few nuggets of truth from this book. I liked how she describes emotions like a bank account. Allowing yourself to feel happy and hopeful even if you’re afraid you might have another loss keeps you from going emotionally bankrupt.

If you’re in search of a book like I described in my first sentence, I highly recommend Unexpecting by Rachel Lewis. I found it much more practical, empathetic, validating, mature, and resourceful.

[Kate Kaput · Rating 5 out of 5]

I obviously didn't plan to read this one, & I don't remember how I learned about this book, but I'm glad I did. Written by a young, down-to-earth psychologist following her own miscarriages - yes, plural - this small, independently published book is a guide, of sorts, to feeling your feelings as you move forward after pregnancy loss.

[Danielle Poiesz · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy this past August, I didn’t know what to do or how to process it or even grieve it. I still don’t, if I’m being honest. But I ordered this book to help me through it, and it was truly a saving grace. It tackles every emotion and thought I was having, and even though it couldn’t take them away, it made me feel so much less alone and told me all the things I hadn’t realized I needed to hear. While as a book editor I did struggle with the large number of errors and formatting issues in this book, I still would highly recommend it to anyone who experiences this great loss, as well as to the significant other or friends and family of someone who has had a miscarriage. (In this case, the content trumps everything.) I even had my husband read the book after I read it a second time and highlighted key things I needed him to try to understand about what I was going through but couldn’t put into words.

[Carlie · Rating 5 out of 5]

After experiencing our miscarriage of our third child, I have found this book so incredibly helpful. I experienced the anxieties so much that anxiety is my monster. Sunita, managed to reach inside my head, or my google searches and practically pluck my thoughts and searches. I feel empowered that what I am feeling I can own and feel no guilt towards it.
If your suffering and you feel the need to pick up this book than I am so sorry but Sunita writes this perfectly and for me everything I feel right now has been justified and I know it’s ok. no matter what Sunita shows were just doing what we can to survive. I’m grateful she shared her story and I wish so much love to her this book I hope I never have to share with another but if that time comes I hope it helps them too.