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Prayers for Bobby: A Mother's Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son
Bobby Griffith was an all-American boy ...and he was gay. Faced with an irresolvable conflict-for both his family and his religion taught him that being gay was "wrong"-Bobby chose to take his own life. Prayers for Bobby, nominated for a 1996 Lambda Literary Award, is the story of the emotional journey that led Bobby to this tragic conclusion. But it is also the story of Bobby's mother, a fearful churchgoer who first prayed that her son would be "healed," then anguished over his suicide, and ultimately transformed herself into a national crusader for gay and lesbian youth.
As told through Bobby's poignant journal entries and his mother's reminiscences, Prayers for Bobby is at once a moving personal story, a true profile in courage, and a call to arms to parents everywhere.
As told through Bobby's poignant journal entries and his mother's reminiscences, Prayers for Bobby is at once a moving personal story, a true profile in courage, and a call to arms to parents everywhere.
271 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1995
About the author
Leroy Aarons
10 books10 followersLeroy "Roy" F. Aarons was an American journalist, editor, author, playwright, founder of the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association (NLGJA), and founding member of the Robert C. Maynard Institute for Journalism Education. In 2005 he was inducted into the NLGJA Hall of Fame.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 164 reviews
November 3, 2024
5★
꒰ ° “𝙷𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝙱𝚘𝚋𝚋𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚑𝚒𝚖.” ꒱
Prayers for Bobby by Leroy Aarons tells a story, like most books. But what makes it different? Not only is this story real, but there is no human villain. There is no personified evil, no antagonist, no bad guy that gets defeated at the end. Because the villain of the story isn’t a person, and it doesn’t get defeated at the end like Voldemort from Harry Potter. It doesn’t get slayed like the dragon in Sleeping Beauty. No, the villain doesn’t die, it’s still out there, in all of us. The big bad guy is ignorance. Ignorance and the fear of difference. So as you read the book, you may find yourself feeling angry at the characters who actively spew hatred and prejudice towards Bobby. But the truth that we later discover, is that those people are victims of ignorance and fear that has run rampant and deep for centuries.
❝I am here today because I have learned in the most painful way possible that ignorance, hatred, bigotry, and prejudice lead to violence and tragedy…. And I have learned that love, honesty, support, and acceptance…lead to health, wholeness, and self-esteem for our children.❞
📖The Story
╰┈➤ The story follows Bobby for a majority of the book. We get to look into his life, learn about his kind and pure heart, and watch as he begins to hate himself for who he loves. It’s a painful experience, reading as someone falls into a pit of pain, guilt, and despair. The urge to reach out, grab them, and tell them that they’re perfect the way they are and have nothing to be ashamed of doesn’t go away, it lingers for the entire book. The author tells us defining moments of Bobby’s life, as well as smaller ones. We also read excerpts from Bobby’s personal journals and diaries, which he wrote in regularly. These hurt the most.
❝I can’t ever let anyone find out that I’m not straight. It would be so humiliating. My friends would hate me. They might even want to beat me up. And my family? I’ve overheard them. They’ve said they hate gays, and even God hates gays, too. Gays are bad, and God sends bad people to hell. It really scares me when they talk that way because now they are talking about me.❞
Bobby’s homosexuality was not a secret to his family. During a majority of the book, readers share Bobby’s anger and frustration as his family belittles and shames his very existence in the name of God. We read about his struggles with his brother, father, sister, and most of all, his mother. But, he does not hate these people, he loves them so painfully much. And that is why he hated himself more than anyone else possibly could.
But the story does not only follow Bobby and the steps to his suicide. It also follows his mother, Mary, the very person who believed so genuinely that he needed to be saved and that his gayness was a sin. After Bobby’s death, Mary is forced to reflect. She’s forced to think, and she surely does. But her realization that her son was not a sinner for his love didn’t heal her from her grief or cure her from her pain. She had to live with the guilt that her words and her actions, perhaps out of love, drove her own son to his grave.
❝Mary’s self-discovery that her son had had nothing to repent, that he had been untainted by sin from the start, was at once a huge relief and a terrible indictment. It enabled her to believe, at last, that Bobby was not eternally damned but was instead a happy and free spirit enjoying the benefits of a blissful afterlife somewhere in the firmament. On the other hand, Mary for the first time grasped the full implication of what had transpired during those final years. There was no getting away from it: her well-meaning campaign to save her son had merely helped drive him to his death.❞
Mary’s internal battle was as heartbreaking to read about as Bobby’s battle with life. Everything she believed had crashed down on her, and as she processed her own beliefs and views, she felt ashamed and ridden with guilt at how she pounded those beliefs against her son in hopes he would change. She had to cope with the fact that it was HER hatred that planted itself inside of Bobby and grew like a tree. And while Bobby’s death is a tragedy, it’s also the very thing that pulled his family out of their homophobic ideals. His mother, father, sister, and brother were all destroyed the moment he died. But they were also reborn.
❝The reason Bobby killed himself was because he wasn’t accepted by his family. Here it is, Bobby’s final send-off, his final memory, and all these people are being subjected to an untruth.❞
❝Even after he’s dead, they’re still killing him.❞
A specific part of the book, though it was a short moment, truly stood out to me. The part where the author told stories of those who cared for Bobby. Specifically the stories of when they were told of his death, and how they felt at his funeral. I found it beautiful, painfully beautiful.
Because yes, Bobby left a world full of hatred. He left a world filled with people who despised him. But he also left a world full of people who would go on to miss him. People who loved him, mourn him, grieve him. And now, after his story has been told again and again, he is loved worldwide by so many souls who either see themselves in his story or empathize with him.
❝If she could affect just one person’s life, it would be worth it. It was to be her own emergence, as an individual, an adult, and a woman. And because of her special situation, she would bring Bobby with her. Together they would have an impact on thousands of people.❞
Mary went on to be an activist. She fought for the gay community and never stopped. She’s a woman who found herself within her grief. She’s a woman who woke up and took a look at the world. She took her story, and Bobby’s story, and used it to change lives. The amount of gay children she has reached and helped is incredible, the amount of parents she’s helped accept their children is inspiring. Though the villain of the story, ignorance, is still out there today.. we have people like Mary who dedicate their lives to fighting that ignorance. We have people like Mary who inspire US to fight that ignorance.
❝Promise me you will keep trying. Bobby gave up on love. I hope you won’t. You are always in my thoughts.
With love, Mary Griffith❞
❝You might have saved my life. But do not try to convince me to tell the world…. I can’t handle life. Bobby will be my beacon, my light of hope. I AM NOT ALONE…. I’ll never be happy. But I can struggle through it. And, don’t you worry, Mrs. Griffith. I shall not give up on love.❞
This book was beautiful. The writing was straightforward and nothing super incredible, but I like to think that the straightforwardness of the writing style perfectly fits the tone of the book. He is telling us directly, hey, here’s what happened. It’s horrible, but it happened and you NEED to see it exactly as it is. So please, read this book. No matter who you are or what you believe, this is a read that I would recommend to anyone. It doesn’t disrespect religion, it dissects people’s experience with religion. It dissects the problem in which people use their God to wield their own personal hatred and ignorance.
❝“If no one had ever challenged religious authority there would be no democracy, no public schools, women’s rights, pursuit of science, medicine, abolition of slavery, and no laws against child abuse.❞
5 stars. No notes.
We love you Bobby.
꒰ ° 𝚙𝚛𝚎-𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠 ꒱
I will be writing a heavily detailed review once I pick my heart up off the floor, might be a while.
❛In those final months—and the preceding years—he was fighting a colossal battle between his strong will to survive and his even stronger drive to be clear of intense emotional pain.❜
꒰ ° 𝚙𝚛𝚎-𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 ꒱
your judgement and hatred is something you learned, who he loved was something he was born with, and he deserved to live long enough to let that love grow and spread and be returned.
I cannot wait to read this book
꒰ ° “𝙷𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝙱𝚘𝚋𝚋𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚑𝚒𝚖.” ꒱
Prayers for Bobby by Leroy Aarons tells a story, like most books. But what makes it different? Not only is this story real, but there is no human villain. There is no personified evil, no antagonist, no bad guy that gets defeated at the end. Because the villain of the story isn’t a person, and it doesn’t get defeated at the end like Voldemort from Harry Potter. It doesn’t get slayed like the dragon in Sleeping Beauty. No, the villain doesn’t die, it’s still out there, in all of us. The big bad guy is ignorance. Ignorance and the fear of difference. So as you read the book, you may find yourself feeling angry at the characters who actively spew hatred and prejudice towards Bobby. But the truth that we later discover, is that those people are victims of ignorance and fear that has run rampant and deep for centuries.
❝I am here today because I have learned in the most painful way possible that ignorance, hatred, bigotry, and prejudice lead to violence and tragedy…. And I have learned that love, honesty, support, and acceptance…lead to health, wholeness, and self-esteem for our children.❞
📖The Story
╰┈➤ The story follows Bobby for a majority of the book. We get to look into his life, learn about his kind and pure heart, and watch as he begins to hate himself for who he loves. It’s a painful experience, reading as someone falls into a pit of pain, guilt, and despair. The urge to reach out, grab them, and tell them that they’re perfect the way they are and have nothing to be ashamed of doesn’t go away, it lingers for the entire book. The author tells us defining moments of Bobby’s life, as well as smaller ones. We also read excerpts from Bobby’s personal journals and diaries, which he wrote in regularly. These hurt the most.
❝I can’t ever let anyone find out that I’m not straight. It would be so humiliating. My friends would hate me. They might even want to beat me up. And my family? I’ve overheard them. They’ve said they hate gays, and even God hates gays, too. Gays are bad, and God sends bad people to hell. It really scares me when they talk that way because now they are talking about me.❞
Bobby’s homosexuality was not a secret to his family. During a majority of the book, readers share Bobby’s anger and frustration as his family belittles and shames his very existence in the name of God. We read about his struggles with his brother, father, sister, and most of all, his mother. But, he does not hate these people, he loves them so painfully much. And that is why he hated himself more than anyone else possibly could.
But the story does not only follow Bobby and the steps to his suicide. It also follows his mother, Mary, the very person who believed so genuinely that he needed to be saved and that his gayness was a sin. After Bobby’s death, Mary is forced to reflect. She’s forced to think, and she surely does. But her realization that her son was not a sinner for his love didn’t heal her from her grief or cure her from her pain. She had to live with the guilt that her words and her actions, perhaps out of love, drove her own son to his grave.
❝Mary’s self-discovery that her son had had nothing to repent, that he had been untainted by sin from the start, was at once a huge relief and a terrible indictment. It enabled her to believe, at last, that Bobby was not eternally damned but was instead a happy and free spirit enjoying the benefits of a blissful afterlife somewhere in the firmament. On the other hand, Mary for the first time grasped the full implication of what had transpired during those final years. There was no getting away from it: her well-meaning campaign to save her son had merely helped drive him to his death.❞
Mary’s internal battle was as heartbreaking to read about as Bobby’s battle with life. Everything she believed had crashed down on her, and as she processed her own beliefs and views, she felt ashamed and ridden with guilt at how she pounded those beliefs against her son in hopes he would change. She had to cope with the fact that it was HER hatred that planted itself inside of Bobby and grew like a tree. And while Bobby’s death is a tragedy, it’s also the very thing that pulled his family out of their homophobic ideals. His mother, father, sister, and brother were all destroyed the moment he died. But they were also reborn.
❝The reason Bobby killed himself was because he wasn’t accepted by his family. Here it is, Bobby’s final send-off, his final memory, and all these people are being subjected to an untruth.❞
❝Even after he’s dead, they’re still killing him.❞
A specific part of the book, though it was a short moment, truly stood out to me. The part where the author told stories of those who cared for Bobby. Specifically the stories of when they were told of his death, and how they felt at his funeral. I found it beautiful, painfully beautiful.
Because yes, Bobby left a world full of hatred. He left a world filled with people who despised him. But he also left a world full of people who would go on to miss him. People who loved him, mourn him, grieve him. And now, after his story has been told again and again, he is loved worldwide by so many souls who either see themselves in his story or empathize with him.
❝If she could affect just one person’s life, it would be worth it. It was to be her own emergence, as an individual, an adult, and a woman. And because of her special situation, she would bring Bobby with her. Together they would have an impact on thousands of people.❞
Mary went on to be an activist. She fought for the gay community and never stopped. She’s a woman who found herself within her grief. She’s a woman who woke up and took a look at the world. She took her story, and Bobby’s story, and used it to change lives. The amount of gay children she has reached and helped is incredible, the amount of parents she’s helped accept their children is inspiring. Though the villain of the story, ignorance, is still out there today.. we have people like Mary who dedicate their lives to fighting that ignorance. We have people like Mary who inspire US to fight that ignorance.
❝Promise me you will keep trying. Bobby gave up on love. I hope you won’t. You are always in my thoughts.
With love, Mary Griffith❞
❝You might have saved my life. But do not try to convince me to tell the world…. I can’t handle life. Bobby will be my beacon, my light of hope. I AM NOT ALONE…. I’ll never be happy. But I can struggle through it. And, don’t you worry, Mrs. Griffith. I shall not give up on love.❞
This book was beautiful. The writing was straightforward and nothing super incredible, but I like to think that the straightforwardness of the writing style perfectly fits the tone of the book. He is telling us directly, hey, here’s what happened. It’s horrible, but it happened and you NEED to see it exactly as it is. So please, read this book. No matter who you are or what you believe, this is a read that I would recommend to anyone. It doesn’t disrespect religion, it dissects people’s experience with religion. It dissects the problem in which people use their God to wield their own personal hatred and ignorance.
❝“If no one had ever challenged religious authority there would be no democracy, no public schools, women’s rights, pursuit of science, medicine, abolition of slavery, and no laws against child abuse.❞
5 stars. No notes.
We love you Bobby.
꒰ ° 𝚙𝚛𝚎-𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠 ꒱
I will be writing a heavily detailed review once I pick my heart up off the floor, might be a while.
❛In those final months—and the preceding years—he was fighting a colossal battle between his strong will to survive and his even stronger drive to be clear of intense emotional pain.❜
꒰ ° 𝚙𝚛𝚎-𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 ꒱
your judgement and hatred is something you learned, who he loved was something he was born with, and he deserved to live long enough to let that love grow and spread and be returned.
I cannot wait to read this book
June 21, 2012
The phrase "Only the good die young" is really suitable for this amazing and heartbreaking book.
This book is the biggest of my must reads for everybody. Its filled with a powerful message that brings awareness to homosexuality and suicide and the connection between the two. I read this book and felt Bobby's pain even though I myself am not gay I could empathize with not feeling comfortable in your own skin.
The most heartbreaking quote for me.
Leroy Aaron's did a great job on bringing the story to light in this book. His incorporation of Bobby's diary entries and the flashbacks of Mary's early life was a great addition to this book. It gave me some insight on how she became the way she did. It was hard to like her for so long, then I just wanted to tell her that she was doing good. That Bobby did love her, but in the end no one could have saved him.
Now I have read this book more than once and have recommended this book to several people and will continue to do so because it needs to get out there more. Bobby was a lost soul who needed help and understanding and instead his family made him feel worse. I have now accepted no one could have helped him in the end, only had someone done something earlier, but the last few months there was no real hope.
It also brings religion in and rips it apart for me and then gives me hope in certain religions. The funeral and what happened makes me angry and upset that they just sat by. The hypocrisy of the priest's at the funeral made me angry. He could not even rest in piece when he died.
This is the most heartbreaking book I have ever read. It brought tears to my eyes more than once and I could not control them. Bobby deserved so much more in life than he was given. I just wanted to scream things will get better. Alas his life was not meant to be a long one, and that broke my heart just as much.
By the time Mary made the change I have to admit I was so proud of her and just wished it had happened before Bobby died. I will say that people should read this and have their eyes opened. I truly believe this book could change a lot of peoples opinions. It changed my opinion on some things and it showed me that people can change and tragedy can change more than the lives lost.
Highly recommend it for anyone who wants to read about a real life struggle and here!
This book is the biggest of my must reads for everybody. Its filled with a powerful message that brings awareness to homosexuality and suicide and the connection between the two. I read this book and felt Bobby's pain even though I myself am not gay I could empathize with not feeling comfortable in your own skin.
The most heartbreaking quote for me.
“I write this in hopes that one day, many years from now, I will be able to go back and remember what my life was like when I was a young and confused adolescent desperately trying to understand myself and the world I live in. At the rate I’m going right now, though, I seriously wonder if I’ll live to be very old, that is if I will live past being a teenager.
Another reason I write this is so that long after I die, others may have a chance to read about me and see what my life as a young person was like….”
Leroy Aaron's did a great job on bringing the story to light in this book. His incorporation of Bobby's diary entries and the flashbacks of Mary's early life was a great addition to this book. It gave me some insight on how she became the way she did. It was hard to like her for so long, then I just wanted to tell her that she was doing good. That Bobby did love her, but in the end no one could have saved him.
Now I have read this book more than once and have recommended this book to several people and will continue to do so because it needs to get out there more. Bobby was a lost soul who needed help and understanding and instead his family made him feel worse. I have now accepted no one could have helped him in the end, only had someone done something earlier, but the last few months there was no real hope.
‘You can change if you really want to’, they say. ‘Don’t underestimate the Lord’s power.’ God damnit, how in the hell do any of them know? What gives them the right to tell me I’m going to burn in eternal hellfire and damnation? They account my ‘deviation’ to an inherent sinful nature. Well, then, if God gave it to me, I’m gonna keep it! They think I’m so blind and stupid, well they’re the ones who are wrong.”
It also brings religion in and rips it apart for me and then gives me hope in certain religions. The funeral and what happened makes me angry and upset that they just sat by. The hypocrisy of the priest's at the funeral made me angry. He could not even rest in piece when he died.
This is the most heartbreaking book I have ever read. It brought tears to my eyes more than once and I could not control them. Bobby deserved so much more in life than he was given. I just wanted to scream things will get better. Alas his life was not meant to be a long one, and that broke my heart just as much.
By the time Mary made the change I have to admit I was so proud of her and just wished it had happened before Bobby died. I will say that people should read this and have their eyes opened. I truly believe this book could change a lot of peoples opinions. It changed my opinion on some things and it showed me that people can change and tragedy can change more than the lives lost.
Highly recommend it for anyone who wants to read about a real life struggle and here!
December 29, 2012
This book was very good. I watched the movie first, and cried and cried my heart out, and I highly recommend watching the movie before you read this book, so you can more fully appreciate it. The book deals also with the history of gay and lesbian teens and advocating for their rights, and at points can be more dull than the movie, which simply covers the life of Bobby Griffith.
It is a tragic story, but beautiful in a way. I think it can be a source of hope for gay and lesbian children, hope that there is a future for them. Coming out as gay for a child can be frightening because one never knows how his or her loved ones will react. Fear of losing a friend or the respect of a family member is terrifying, and the actual loss can be devastating. Future's can seem dark and unreachable.
Prayers for Bobby by Leroy Aarons gives hope that there is a future. It reassures children that there is a future, that the people you love will accept you for who you are, and there is nothing wrong with you.
This story was tear worthy. I cried often, and I cried hard, and i didn't care who saw me. Bobby Griffith was a beautiful person, placed in a time and life where his circumstances were unfortunate. Today, perhaps, Bobby would have survived his self-discovery, but his story, no matter how tragic, can be a lesson to us all.
It is a tragic story, but beautiful in a way. I think it can be a source of hope for gay and lesbian children, hope that there is a future for them. Coming out as gay for a child can be frightening because one never knows how his or her loved ones will react. Fear of losing a friend or the respect of a family member is terrifying, and the actual loss can be devastating. Future's can seem dark and unreachable.
Prayers for Bobby by Leroy Aarons gives hope that there is a future. It reassures children that there is a future, that the people you love will accept you for who you are, and there is nothing wrong with you.
This story was tear worthy. I cried often, and I cried hard, and i didn't care who saw me. Bobby Griffith was a beautiful person, placed in a time and life where his circumstances were unfortunate. Today, perhaps, Bobby would have survived his self-discovery, but his story, no matter how tragic, can be a lesson to us all.
March 16, 2013
This is an utterly remarkable book about an otherwise loving mother who raises her gay son under the homophobic pressure of Christian fundamentalism--until he commits suicide. This dichotomy of a deeply loving mother who is also a religious fanatic is at the crux of the book, and the author does a great job of providing context for how the mom, Mary, developed her religious fervor.
When Bobby finally came out to his family in his mid teens, Mary believed that he could stop being gay by sheer self-discipline and prayer. The fact that his impulses were not going away was overt proof that his devotion was inadequate and, to Bobby's mind, that he was a worthless human being. Living with his internal torment and loathing as long as he could, he finally committed suicide at age twenty.
But his suicide is not the end of the story. As a matter of fact, the book begins with his suicide and then switches back and forth in time, clearly and effectively, before and after he takes his life. An important part of the post-suicide story is Mary's utter devastation as she reads entries in Bobby's personal journals. Too late she realizes the torment he lived with and the depths of his self-loathing. Over time she comes to recognize her part in it--and the part played by misguided faith communities and religious leaders.
The sadness of this book is the devastation that is often wrought by non-compassionate spirituality, and the remarkable beauty of the story is Mary's profound personal change as a result of her incredible loss. After much soul searching, she turned her back on religion as she knew it and became a passionate activist for gay and lesbian youth, while continuing to share Bobby's story and her pivotal role in it.
The final chapter is the author's overview of the gay youth crisis at the time the book was completed. Sadly, although the book was published in 1995 (Bobby died in 1983), it seems as if very little has changed in the US over the past 15+ years as far as respect, understanding, and protection of gay youth.
When Bobby finally came out to his family in his mid teens, Mary believed that he could stop being gay by sheer self-discipline and prayer. The fact that his impulses were not going away was overt proof that his devotion was inadequate and, to Bobby's mind, that he was a worthless human being. Living with his internal torment and loathing as long as he could, he finally committed suicide at age twenty.
But his suicide is not the end of the story. As a matter of fact, the book begins with his suicide and then switches back and forth in time, clearly and effectively, before and after he takes his life. An important part of the post-suicide story is Mary's utter devastation as she reads entries in Bobby's personal journals. Too late she realizes the torment he lived with and the depths of his self-loathing. Over time she comes to recognize her part in it--and the part played by misguided faith communities and religious leaders.
The sadness of this book is the devastation that is often wrought by non-compassionate spirituality, and the remarkable beauty of the story is Mary's profound personal change as a result of her incredible loss. After much soul searching, she turned her back on religion as she knew it and became a passionate activist for gay and lesbian youth, while continuing to share Bobby's story and her pivotal role in it.
The final chapter is the author's overview of the gay youth crisis at the time the book was completed. Sadly, although the book was published in 1995 (Bobby died in 1983), it seems as if very little has changed in the US over the past 15+ years as far as respect, understanding, and protection of gay youth.
January 16, 2019
לסקירה מפורטת בעברית, קישור לבלוג שלי -
https://sivi-the-avid-reader.com/תפיל...
https://sivi-the-avid-reader.com/תפיל...
August 8, 2012
This is one book that every gay child, (and every parent to a gay child,) should read. It tells the story of Bobby Griffith, a son born into a nuclear family with strong Christian values, and the events that unfold after Bobby commits suicide shortly after coming out to his family as a gay man. The story weaves both Bobby's tale before his death, with his mother's tale of coming to terms with the role she played in his suicide.
An extremely emotional read, I felt nearly moved to tears at numerous points. I wanted to shake members of Bobby's family, and I wanted to assure Bobby that he was okay, and not as abnormal as his family would have him believe. The way that Mary comes to understand the role she played in her son's death is extremely emotional, and I found myself coming to care for and love Mary as much as I did Bobby by the end of the story.
The only part of this book that dragged at all, were the sections where the narrator seemed to intervene and recount moments that involved himself, or pages and pages of gay history. It interrupted the narrative flow, and a lot of it was just plain boring. Otherwise it was a lovely, lovely read.
An extremely emotional read, I felt nearly moved to tears at numerous points. I wanted to shake members of Bobby's family, and I wanted to assure Bobby that he was okay, and not as abnormal as his family would have him believe. The way that Mary comes to understand the role she played in her son's death is extremely emotional, and I found myself coming to care for and love Mary as much as I did Bobby by the end of the story.
The only part of this book that dragged at all, were the sections where the narrator seemed to intervene and recount moments that involved himself, or pages and pages of gay history. It interrupted the narrative flow, and a lot of it was just plain boring. Otherwise it was a lovely, lovely read.
October 6, 2012
Thought it was a very sad book - but honestly, I am sick and tired of hearing and reading stories like this about bad parents who do not love their children until it is too late. I'd much rather read about parents who have always loved their children, no matter what their orientation or gender is.
January 30, 2011
Absolutely heartbreaking, at times I needed to get away from it. As a gay men realizing at an early age that I was different, certainly from my 7 Brother and not knowing what it was all about, then being brought up in a staunch Calvinist home, were god was the ultimate authority, sex was not te be discussed, I believe the Mother is a very courageous woman as well realizing that her judgmental expressions to her Son were no doubt part of the reason for his desperate act.
How anyone can ever suggest that a gay person "choses his lifestyle" havve no idea what they are talking about, who in their right mind would set themselves up for abuse, ridicule and worse, it took me years to accept myself as I am. I have now been in a relationship and marriage to a man for 33 years, some family members cannot copy with this. like as though I need their approval, I live my life, and you live yours. Anyone who treats me as "lesser then" or shows disrespect has no part at all in my life
Anyone should read this book, I realize the telling might have been more poetic, in this case it is the content that is importan
How anyone can ever suggest that a gay person "choses his lifestyle" havve no idea what they are talking about, who in their right mind would set themselves up for abuse, ridicule and worse, it took me years to accept myself as I am. I have now been in a relationship and marriage to a man for 33 years, some family members cannot copy with this. like as though I need their approval, I live my life, and you live yours. Anyone who treats me as "lesser then" or shows disrespect has no part at all in my life
Anyone should read this book, I realize the telling might have been more poetic, in this case it is the content that is importan
September 9, 2012
I had heard of the book and had it in my possession long before I read it.
I had seen the Lifetime movie with Sigourney Weaver in 2009 and cried at toward the end.
I have met Ryan Kelley, the actor who played Bobby in the movie.
He's quite nice. He even signed my copy of the book.
As for the book, it is incredibly moving and well-written. I wish I knew Bobby.
The book isn't told in narrative form as much as a back and forth leading up to the event of Bobby's suicide and its aftermath. I find that to have been a brilliant approach to the storytelling because the changes in Mary Griffith's life were surrounded by Bobby's death.
Definitely recommended.
It asks the simple question of all parents -- do you want a gay son or a dead son?
It asks the simple question of our society -- do we really want to have the blood of millions of suicidal young people on our hands because we neglected to let them know how much they're loved?
I had seen the Lifetime movie with Sigourney Weaver in 2009 and cried at toward the end.
I have met Ryan Kelley, the actor who played Bobby in the movie.
He's quite nice. He even signed my copy of the book.
As for the book, it is incredibly moving and well-written. I wish I knew Bobby.
The book isn't told in narrative form as much as a back and forth leading up to the event of Bobby's suicide and its aftermath. I find that to have been a brilliant approach to the storytelling because the changes in Mary Griffith's life were surrounded by Bobby's death.
Definitely recommended.
It asks the simple question of all parents -- do you want a gay son or a dead son?
It asks the simple question of our society -- do we really want to have the blood of millions of suicidal young people on our hands because we neglected to let them know how much they're loved?
April 7, 2012
The subtitle should be: "A Christian Mother's Coming to Terms with Her Role in the Suicide of Her Gay Son." The writer approaches the topic with the precision and objectivity of a psychotherapist in session with a new client. Family history and family relationships create the environment in which Bobby decided to take his own life. The crucial role of religion in the life of Bobby's mother is examined in the first 75 pages. Eventually Mom faced her role in Bobby's suicide and became a terrific advocate for gay/lesbian youth. Her work targeted the public school classrooms of California.
Even today homophobia is a huge problem in schools. In my last teaching job in Fairfax County (2008-2009) I confronted students on their use of "gay" as a put-down. When talking to individuals didn't work, I lectured the whole class on how inappropriate it was. Surprisingly, some of the kids who were the worst offenders asked the best questions about the ideas I presented. I think I made a difference for this group of kids, although my coteacher could never bring herself to even say the word "gay."
Even today homophobia is a huge problem in schools. In my last teaching job in Fairfax County (2008-2009) I confronted students on their use of "gay" as a put-down. When talking to individuals didn't work, I lectured the whole class on how inappropriate it was. Surprisingly, some of the kids who were the worst offenders asked the best questions about the ideas I presented. I think I made a difference for this group of kids, although my coteacher could never bring herself to even say the word "gay."
April 22, 2024
This book is largely promoted as the story of a Christian mother's understanding of how religion persecutes queer people after the suicide of her own son, her growing understanding of the part she played in his death, and her shift to deeper understanding and LGBTQ+ advocacy. Because of that, I was never particularly interested in it. It kind of sounds like "I love my dead gay son!" from Heathers. And I'd rather read about queer people than about what straight people think about queer people.
What makes the book worth reading are the excerpts from Bobby's diaries and the complex way he is depicted here, and the way the book's focus broadens to become a look at a specific time in queer history. It advocates for the need to care for all queer youth in a compelling way, and made me proud of my own volunteer work for The Trevor Project.
*Wentworth Miller does a great job with the audiobook, too.
What makes the book worth reading are the excerpts from Bobby's diaries and the complex way he is depicted here, and the way the book's focus broadens to become a look at a specific time in queer history. It advocates for the need to care for all queer youth in a compelling way, and made me proud of my own volunteer work for The Trevor Project.
*Wentworth Miller does a great job with the audiobook, too.
February 5, 2015
“I write this in hopes that one day, many years from now, I will be able to go back and remember what my life was like when I was a young and confused adolescent desperately trying to understand myself and the world I live in. At the rate I’m going right now, though, I seriously wonder if I’ll live to be very old, that is if I will live past being a teenager.
Another reason I write this is so that long after I die, others may have a chance to read about me and see what my life as a young person was like….”
~ From the diary of Bobby Griffith
As an old saying quotes, stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Personally, I don't agree with this one at all because most of the times, word violence are millions times worse than physical violence. "Prayers for Bobby" is a heart-breaking biography of Marry Griffith and her struggles in a memory of her gay son, Bobby Griffith. Since 1980s, her speeches and participations in countless forums and organizations have extended to young American LGBT and other people, especially some ex-homophopes who used to consider homosexuality as abomination. This book describe her regrets of not only not being there with her son while he was desperately in need, but also disgusting and trying to change her son while there was nothing in him that seemed to be changeable. Another sentence that touches me emotionally is when Mary said that God didn't heal Bobby because there was nothing in him to be healed. Yes, he was born in that way whether he wanted or not. Why would anyone want to be born differently when they know that they'll suffer from "being themselves" when they are born?
Below is speech from Mary Griffith :
"Homosexuality is a sin. Homosexuals are doomed to spend eternity in hell. If they wanted to change, they could be healed of their evil ways. If they would turn away from temptation, they could be normal again if only they would try and try harder if it doesn't work. These are all the things I said to my son Bobby when I found out he was gay. When he told me he was homosexual my world fell apart. I did everything I could to cure him of his sickness. Eight months ago my son jumped off a bridge and killed himself. I deeply regret my lack of knowledge about gay and lesbian people. I see that everything I was taught and told was bigotry and de-humanizing slander. If I had investigated beyond what I was told, if I had just listened to my son when he poured his heart out to me I would not be standing here today with you filled with regret. I believe that God was pleased with Bobby's kind and loving spirit. In God's eyes kindness and love are what it's all about. I didn't know that each time I echoed eternal damnation for gay people each time I referred to Bobby as sick and perverted and a danger to our children. His self esteem and sense of worth were being destroyed. And finally his spirit broke beyond repair. It was not God's will that Bobby climbed over the side of a freeway overpass and jumped directly into the path of an eighteen-wheel truck which killed him instantly. Bobby's death was the direct result of his parent's ignorance and fear of the word gay. He wanted to be a writer. His hopes and dreams should not have been taken from him but they were. There are children, like Bobby, sitting in your congregations. Unknown to you they will be listening as you echo "amen" and that will soon silence their prayers. Their prayers to God for understanding and acceptance and for your love but your hatred and fear and ignorance of the word gay, will silence those prayers. So, before you echo "amen" in your home and place of worship. Think. Think and remember a child is listening."
~ Marry Griffith
Another reason I write this is so that long after I die, others may have a chance to read about me and see what my life as a young person was like….”
~ From the diary of Bobby Griffith
As an old saying quotes, stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Personally, I don't agree with this one at all because most of the times, word violence are millions times worse than physical violence. "Prayers for Bobby" is a heart-breaking biography of Marry Griffith and her struggles in a memory of her gay son, Bobby Griffith. Since 1980s, her speeches and participations in countless forums and organizations have extended to young American LGBT and other people, especially some ex-homophopes who used to consider homosexuality as abomination. This book describe her regrets of not only not being there with her son while he was desperately in need, but also disgusting and trying to change her son while there was nothing in him that seemed to be changeable. Another sentence that touches me emotionally is when Mary said that God didn't heal Bobby because there was nothing in him to be healed. Yes, he was born in that way whether he wanted or not. Why would anyone want to be born differently when they know that they'll suffer from "being themselves" when they are born?
Below is speech from Mary Griffith :
"Homosexuality is a sin. Homosexuals are doomed to spend eternity in hell. If they wanted to change, they could be healed of their evil ways. If they would turn away from temptation, they could be normal again if only they would try and try harder if it doesn't work. These are all the things I said to my son Bobby when I found out he was gay. When he told me he was homosexual my world fell apart. I did everything I could to cure him of his sickness. Eight months ago my son jumped off a bridge and killed himself. I deeply regret my lack of knowledge about gay and lesbian people. I see that everything I was taught and told was bigotry and de-humanizing slander. If I had investigated beyond what I was told, if I had just listened to my son when he poured his heart out to me I would not be standing here today with you filled with regret. I believe that God was pleased with Bobby's kind and loving spirit. In God's eyes kindness and love are what it's all about. I didn't know that each time I echoed eternal damnation for gay people each time I referred to Bobby as sick and perverted and a danger to our children. His self esteem and sense of worth were being destroyed. And finally his spirit broke beyond repair. It was not God's will that Bobby climbed over the side of a freeway overpass and jumped directly into the path of an eighteen-wheel truck which killed him instantly. Bobby's death was the direct result of his parent's ignorance and fear of the word gay. He wanted to be a writer. His hopes and dreams should not have been taken from him but they were. There are children, like Bobby, sitting in your congregations. Unknown to you they will be listening as you echo "amen" and that will soon silence their prayers. Their prayers to God for understanding and acceptance and for your love but your hatred and fear and ignorance of the word gay, will silence those prayers. So, before you echo "amen" in your home and place of worship. Think. Think and remember a child is listening."
~ Marry Griffith
March 28, 2013
This book is about Bobby Griffin, a young man who chose to kill himself because he was struggling with accepting his homosexuality. He was raised in a family that was ignorant about homosexuality, and who did not know how to handle his decision to come out. His mother was very religious, and all she really knew about the gay lifestyle is what she had been told-- it was sinful. So she berates him, and the religious guilt she creates is one of the reasons he decides to kill himself.
I have read many books about death before; no one close to me has ever died, so I've struggled to fully understand/empathize with the grieving characters. While I cannot truly imagine what Mary Griffin felt, this book made me feel like I had a better understanding of the grief process. That was when this book first started to move me. Mary's transformation from religious zealot to a person who questioned the faith that damned her son was inspirational. She was capable of large changes, at such an older age. For me, the story lay in her transformation.
Besides Mary's moving story, this is a great account of the early eighties in the gay lifestyle. Bobby struggles with things many gays do today-- struggling with the spiritual impact of his sexuality, questioning whether he should come out, the aesthetic pressures of the male gay lifestyle, and a promiscuous life driven by the fear no one could ever love him enough to keep him around. Suicide rates in gay youth remain higher than those in straight youth, as well. He also deals with some issues specific to the times, such as the emergence of the AIDs virus. We learn about these issues, and the state of such important organizations as P-FLAG at the time.
I would suggest this novel to anyone who is uncomfortable with homosexuality; it's story will definitely change their views. It is also of interest to historians, and GLBQT people who are interested in our history.
I only had a few issues with this book. I'm not sure why so many memoirs feel a need to switch from the past/more present scenes. I didn't feel like it added anything to this book, and it should have just followed the story from the beginning and the end.
The issue with a book like this is while we can read Bobby's journals, we cannot always conclude what he was thinking. Sometimes we saw changes in his character that were confusing; I'm not sure if the author had issues with finding material to support that in the diaries and wasn't including them, or if there was none. Either way, the material in the journals was very moving. I felt I could relate to Bobby; it was clear he was suffering. Sometimes the writing dragged.
I also had some ethical questions about publishing and profiting over a dead boy's private journals, but I feel it could really help people in this case, so I will let that be.
I have read many books about death before; no one close to me has ever died, so I've struggled to fully understand/empathize with the grieving characters. While I cannot truly imagine what Mary Griffin felt, this book made me feel like I had a better understanding of the grief process. That was when this book first started to move me. Mary's transformation from religious zealot to a person who questioned the faith that damned her son was inspirational. She was capable of large changes, at such an older age. For me, the story lay in her transformation.
Besides Mary's moving story, this is a great account of the early eighties in the gay lifestyle. Bobby struggles with things many gays do today-- struggling with the spiritual impact of his sexuality, questioning whether he should come out, the aesthetic pressures of the male gay lifestyle, and a promiscuous life driven by the fear no one could ever love him enough to keep him around. Suicide rates in gay youth remain higher than those in straight youth, as well. He also deals with some issues specific to the times, such as the emergence of the AIDs virus. We learn about these issues, and the state of such important organizations as P-FLAG at the time.
I would suggest this novel to anyone who is uncomfortable with homosexuality; it's story will definitely change their views. It is also of interest to historians, and GLBQT people who are interested in our history.
I only had a few issues with this book. I'm not sure why so many memoirs feel a need to switch from the past/more present scenes. I didn't feel like it added anything to this book, and it should have just followed the story from the beginning and the end.
The issue with a book like this is while we can read Bobby's journals, we cannot always conclude what he was thinking. Sometimes we saw changes in his character that were confusing; I'm not sure if the author had issues with finding material to support that in the diaries and wasn't including them, or if there was none. Either way, the material in the journals was very moving. I felt I could relate to Bobby; it was clear he was suffering. Sometimes the writing dragged.
I also had some ethical questions about publishing and profiting over a dead boy's private journals, but I feel it could really help people in this case, so I will let that be.
January 11, 2012
Alright I my admit that this is totally out of character. As a prominent Stephen King/ horror reader, I was shocked to find myself moved by this book. It was the one and only lifetime movie I have ever watched, and I did so on YouTube after a friend told me that it moved her to hysterics. I must say I came close to tears. And of course the book is always better.
Bobby's character was so lovely and realistic that my heart still pains for him. This book makes you want to reach through the paper to hug the character. I thought of Bobby for weeks after I had closed the cover. I have seen many friends affected by forms of prejudice so Bobby's story really hit home.
Definitely a worthwhile read even if this isn't your style. For extra effect read with hot chocolate on a rainy day.
Bobby's character was so lovely and realistic that my heart still pains for him. This book makes you want to reach through the paper to hug the character. I thought of Bobby for weeks after I had closed the cover. I have seen many friends affected by forms of prejudice so Bobby's story really hit home.
Definitely a worthwhile read even if this isn't your style. For extra effect read with hot chocolate on a rainy day.
December 18, 2012
Heartbreaking. This book was a journey for me. I read this at a time when I was a gay youth and was struggling with my religious upbringing. This book was a lifesaver then as it helped me sort out my family, my thoughts, my feelings and brought resolution to my heart and mind. This book holds a special place in my heart as it helped me grieve for my departure from the religion I was raised with, to a life built on my own personal strength and will to survive in the face of real adversity. I recommend this to anyone who wants to understand how real and painful words, said and unsaid, can be and how they take their tole. Love, is the answer.
August 7, 2014
I literally got up and purchased this book minutes after I caught the end of the movie of the same name on lifetime. The movie was primarily the mothers point of view and I found her struggle with the whole thing really interesting. The book, written in the third person by a columnist who is involved with the story in no way other than also being interested in gay rights, was not nearly as intriguing as the story is when approached as if being told by the mother. I just found it to be too text-book-y and disconnected.
September 18, 2008
A great look at what happens when a family turns their back on one of their own and how that persons death can reshape and change theirs lives only for the better regardless of the tragedy of Bobby's suicide. If you are a part of the LGBT community or know someone in it read this book. It will give true insight into how dealing with sexuality affects people.
August 3, 2015
Leroy Aaron’s did a great job on bringing the story to light in this book. His incorporation of Bobby’s diary entries and the flashbacks of Mary’s early life was a great addition to this book.
Read Full Review Here
Read Full Review Here
February 3, 2009
This book is SO amazing. It will truly allow many people the ability to accept themselves for who and what they are.
May 17, 2026
When I was a teen, I saw the movie, Prayers for Bobby, and it totally moved me. I felt a kinship to Bobby based on his struggles with his sexuality and his religious beliefs. Now I won’t say that I wasn’t depressed because of it, but thankfully it didn’t consume me the way it did Bobby. Having lived through a parallel struggle, picking up this book all these years later felt deeply personal.
This was a beautifully tragic story about a son who struggled with his sexuality and religious beliefs, and eventually, chose to end his life. While it sounds terrible to call it “beautifully tragic,” it morphs into a story where his devout Christian mother becomes incredibly grief-stricken and filled with guilt. These feelings consumed her much like the hopelessness consumed her son, Bobby, and forced her to learn more about the Bible and sexuality, and find answers, which ultimately led her to become a LGBTQ+ ally and rights activist.
This is the sort of story that illustrates Mary Griffith’s son’s devastating perspective about not being good enough in the eyes of God. He desperately wants to belong but feels like he’s not worthy enough—this part broke me a little. But the concept I loved about this book was that it spotlights her own story into finding redemption for her son and for herself. It further opens a world of conversations beyond their stories.
Mary Griffith finds solace from other parents of gay and lesbian people in PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). In her search for answers, Mrs. Griffith dives into the historical context of the Bible and discovers that modern interpretations are based on misleading translations rather than original scripture. (Don’t even get me started on this rabbit hole. Absolutely disconcerting but extremely worth the research, if you’re intrigued.) Additionally, this book has a great deal of information. Since its 30th anniversary, they’ve added modern cases and insight that’s more relevant to today, demonstrating that the fight for equal rights has not stopped and people still care for the LGBTQ+ community.
All in all, a devastating yet surprisingly remarkable story of what educating yourself can do to your perspective and how it can even change lives. Reading this made me extremely grateful for my own circle; because of my parents who always taught me to lead with love like Jesus, I was able to overcome the kind of grief that tragically consumed Bobby. It proves just how vital that love truly is.
This was a beautifully tragic story about a son who struggled with his sexuality and religious beliefs, and eventually, chose to end his life. While it sounds terrible to call it “beautifully tragic,” it morphs into a story where his devout Christian mother becomes incredibly grief-stricken and filled with guilt. These feelings consumed her much like the hopelessness consumed her son, Bobby, and forced her to learn more about the Bible and sexuality, and find answers, which ultimately led her to become a LGBTQ+ ally and rights activist.
This is the sort of story that illustrates Mary Griffith’s son’s devastating perspective about not being good enough in the eyes of God. He desperately wants to belong but feels like he’s not worthy enough—this part broke me a little. But the concept I loved about this book was that it spotlights her own story into finding redemption for her son and for herself. It further opens a world of conversations beyond their stories.
Mary Griffith finds solace from other parents of gay and lesbian people in PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). In her search for answers, Mrs. Griffith dives into the historical context of the Bible and discovers that modern interpretations are based on misleading translations rather than original scripture. (Don’t even get me started on this rabbit hole. Absolutely disconcerting but extremely worth the research, if you’re intrigued.) Additionally, this book has a great deal of information. Since its 30th anniversary, they’ve added modern cases and insight that’s more relevant to today, demonstrating that the fight for equal rights has not stopped and people still care for the LGBTQ+ community.
All in all, a devastating yet surprisingly remarkable story of what educating yourself can do to your perspective and how it can even change lives. Reading this made me extremely grateful for my own circle; because of my parents who always taught me to lead with love like Jesus, I was able to overcome the kind of grief that tragically consumed Bobby. It proves just how vital that love truly is.
April 21, 2026
It’s kind of hard to make an accurate assessment of this book purely because I am so close to the source material. Bobby’s always been a figure I’ve sort of revered in a way, with his story paralleling mine to such a point it’s almost unsettling. I think what I liked most about this book, as opposed to the movie, was all the external political context that got to be given. The inclusion of Castro made my jaw drop…you forget sometimes that all these historical queer events were concurrent with one another.
I think me and Bobby would’ve had a wonderful conversation about rage, God, and queerness. So am I giving this four stars for the book itself, or for him?
I think we’re all entitled to a little bias sometimes. Sleep easy Bobby.
I think me and Bobby would’ve had a wonderful conversation about rage, God, and queerness. So am I giving this four stars for the book itself, or for him?
I think we’re all entitled to a little bias sometimes. Sleep easy Bobby.
December 11, 2022
A tragic story, a mother unaccepting of her gay son leads to his suicide. She turns her grief into something for good. I admire her for that. But no matter what god I worshipped I could never put them ahead of my child. A pain she will have to live with forever. So very sad.
Audiobook read by Wentworth Miller.
Audiobook read by Wentworth Miller.
November 27, 2017
I first got to learn about the tragic story of the Griffith family from the televised adaptation of their story called "Prayers for Bobby" which premiered on Lifetime network in 2009, starring Sigourney Weaver.
This movie was based on a book written in 1995 by Leroy Aarons, which in turn was based on a true story.
Bobby and his family, including his mother Mary Griffith, lived in a small suburban neighborhood in Walnut Creek, California during 70s and 80s. As a young adult Bobby was coming to terms with his sexuality, that unfortunately also entailed struggling with feelings of guilt and shame for letting down his family and his faith. In 1983, being only twenty years old, not able to find love and acceptance from his family nor his religion, Bobby committed suicide by jumping off a highway bridge in Portland, Oregon. While the story of Bobby Griffith is tragic, yet, sadly, representative of many LGBT young adults (non-heterosexual youth is almost five times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to their heterosexual peers), the story of Bobby’s mother Mary can be seen as inspiring – after her son’s suicide, Mary plunged into critical evaluation of her faith and her beliefs, after which she came to accept her son’s sexuality and turned into a strong supporter of LGBT rights.
This story is simple, pure, yet extremely important. I have seen the movie several times and each time I see it I cry. (Link to the movie (YouTube).)
This book needs to be a must read for every parent out there, regardless of their child's sexuality.
This book teaches parents to love their children more than their ideologies.
While this book has been written in 1995, the high suicide rates among LGBT individuals still has not disappeared. In USA alone, 1/3 (30%) of LGBT youth has attempted suicide in the prior year, compared to 3/50 (6%) of their straight peers. Link to the CDC official report
It is still an epidemic not only in USA but worldwide.
The horrifying statistics of LGBT suicides are left untold, unexamined, and silenced.
It is interesting to note that the majority of countries with the highest rate of youth suicide are also the ones that are the most homophobic.
(Link to the WHO statistics.)
This movie was based on a book written in 1995 by Leroy Aarons, which in turn was based on a true story.
Bobby and his family, including his mother Mary Griffith, lived in a small suburban neighborhood in Walnut Creek, California during 70s and 80s. As a young adult Bobby was coming to terms with his sexuality, that unfortunately also entailed struggling with feelings of guilt and shame for letting down his family and his faith. In 1983, being only twenty years old, not able to find love and acceptance from his family nor his religion, Bobby committed suicide by jumping off a highway bridge in Portland, Oregon. While the story of Bobby Griffith is tragic, yet, sadly, representative of many LGBT young adults (non-heterosexual youth is almost five times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to their heterosexual peers), the story of Bobby’s mother Mary can be seen as inspiring – after her son’s suicide, Mary plunged into critical evaluation of her faith and her beliefs, after which she came to accept her son’s sexuality and turned into a strong supporter of LGBT rights.
This story is simple, pure, yet extremely important. I have seen the movie several times and each time I see it I cry. (Link to the movie (YouTube).)
This book needs to be a must read for every parent out there, regardless of their child's sexuality.
This book teaches parents to love their children more than their ideologies.
While this book has been written in 1995, the high suicide rates among LGBT individuals still has not disappeared. In USA alone, 1/3 (30%) of LGBT youth has attempted suicide in the prior year, compared to 3/50 (6%) of their straight peers. Link to the CDC official report
It is still an epidemic not only in USA but worldwide.
The horrifying statistics of LGBT suicides are left untold, unexamined, and silenced.
It is interesting to note that the majority of countries with the highest rate of youth suicide are also the ones that are the most homophobic.
(Link to the WHO statistics.)
October 11, 2026
Amazing book!! Really helped me think about things in a different perspective.
July 6, 2020
I cried through the whole book. Was really good.
February 3, 2014
If you cut open my chest, pull out my heart and relentlessly yank it until DNA extraction becomes feasible, you would not replicate the emotional turmoil ‘Prayers for Bobby’ generated in me.
I admit that I’ve been on the emotional train more than once. The diaries added more depth to the story, and eased out the job for my lacrimal glands. I shed many a tear. I caught myself once addressing Bobby’s spirit: I told him I love him, I accept him and that “this world was never meant for one as beautiful as [him].”
Mary Griffith, what a grand testimony you are of the will to change, to find the good within the tragedy. You had your own inner struggle. You overcame ignorance and bigotry. But your dearest son had to be sacrificed in the process.
The speech Mary gave at the council chamber on Monday, February 23, 1987 rocked my inner core. Here it is:
“What the people of Concord do have to fear is their lack of knowledge concerning gay and lesbian people.
Because of my own lack of knowledge, I became dependent upon people in the clergy. When the clergy condemns a homosexual person to hell and eternal damnation, we the congregation echo ‘Amen’. I deeply regret my lack of knowledge concerning gay and lesbian people. Had I allowed myself to investigate what I now see as Bible bigotry and diabolical dehumanization slander against our fellow human beings, I would not be looking back for having relinquished my ability to think and reason with other people – people I trust for truth and guidance in my life.
“God did not heal Bobby or cure Bobby as he, our family, and clergy believed he should. It is obvious to us now why he did not. God has never been encumbered by his child’s genetically determined sexuality. God is pleased that Bobby had a kind and loving heart. In god’s eyes, kindness and love are what life is all about. I did not know that each time I echoed ‘Amen’ to eternal damnation, each time I referred to bobby as sick, perverted, and a danger to our children his self-esteem and personal worth were being destroyed. Finally, his spirit broke beyond repair. He could no longer rise above the injustice of it all. Bobby ended his life at twenty.
“It was not God’s will that Bobby jumped over the side of a freeway overpass into the path of an eighteen-wheel truck, which killed him instantly. Bobby’s death was the direct result of his parents’ ignorance and fear of the word gay. An injustice has been done not only to Bobby but to his family as well. God knows it isn’t right that bobby is not here with his loved ones.
“There are children like Bobby sitting in your congregations. Unknown to you, they will be listening to your ‘Amen’s as they silently cry out to God in their hearts. Their cries will go unnoticed for they cannot be heard above your ‘Amen’s. Your fear and ignorance of the word gay will soon silence their cries. Before you echo ‘Amen’, in your homes and place of worship, think and remember. A child is listening.”
In the end, this book transcends itself. It’s not a story about suicide. It is a story about overcoming. “Once my beliefs were my reality. Now my reality forms my belief.” asserts Mrs. Griffith. She adds somewhere else “Bobby gave up on love, I hope you won’t. You are always in my thoughts.
With love, Mary Griffith.”
I admit that I’ve been on the emotional train more than once. The diaries added more depth to the story, and eased out the job for my lacrimal glands. I shed many a tear. I caught myself once addressing Bobby’s spirit: I told him I love him, I accept him and that “this world was never meant for one as beautiful as [him].”
Mary Griffith, what a grand testimony you are of the will to change, to find the good within the tragedy. You had your own inner struggle. You overcame ignorance and bigotry. But your dearest son had to be sacrificed in the process.
The speech Mary gave at the council chamber on Monday, February 23, 1987 rocked my inner core. Here it is:
“What the people of Concord do have to fear is their lack of knowledge concerning gay and lesbian people.
Because of my own lack of knowledge, I became dependent upon people in the clergy. When the clergy condemns a homosexual person to hell and eternal damnation, we the congregation echo ‘Amen’. I deeply regret my lack of knowledge concerning gay and lesbian people. Had I allowed myself to investigate what I now see as Bible bigotry and diabolical dehumanization slander against our fellow human beings, I would not be looking back for having relinquished my ability to think and reason with other people – people I trust for truth and guidance in my life.
“God did not heal Bobby or cure Bobby as he, our family, and clergy believed he should. It is obvious to us now why he did not. God has never been encumbered by his child’s genetically determined sexuality. God is pleased that Bobby had a kind and loving heart. In god’s eyes, kindness and love are what life is all about. I did not know that each time I echoed ‘Amen’ to eternal damnation, each time I referred to bobby as sick, perverted, and a danger to our children his self-esteem and personal worth were being destroyed. Finally, his spirit broke beyond repair. He could no longer rise above the injustice of it all. Bobby ended his life at twenty.
“It was not God’s will that Bobby jumped over the side of a freeway overpass into the path of an eighteen-wheel truck, which killed him instantly. Bobby’s death was the direct result of his parents’ ignorance and fear of the word gay. An injustice has been done not only to Bobby but to his family as well. God knows it isn’t right that bobby is not here with his loved ones.
“There are children like Bobby sitting in your congregations. Unknown to you, they will be listening to your ‘Amen’s as they silently cry out to God in their hearts. Their cries will go unnoticed for they cannot be heard above your ‘Amen’s. Your fear and ignorance of the word gay will soon silence their cries. Before you echo ‘Amen’, in your homes and place of worship, think and remember. A child is listening.”
In the end, this book transcends itself. It’s not a story about suicide. It is a story about overcoming. “Once my beliefs were my reality. Now my reality forms my belief.” asserts Mrs. Griffith. She adds somewhere else “Bobby gave up on love, I hope you won’t. You are always in my thoughts.
With love, Mary Griffith.”
November 8, 2013
This was an incredibly impactful book not only because it brings into focus the horrible reality of rejection and discrimination that so many young gay people face, but also because it's a great example of self-imposed ignorance cured and turned into something that has and still does benefit gay people everywhere. I'm incredibly proud of Mary Griffith for not letting her grief swallow her up and for starting to ask questions and look for answers to things that were not tolerated by her church. She proved that she's a woman of extraordinary strength.
Things about the book that I loved: I really appreciate that the story went beyond the misery of a teenager, although that part is undeniably important to the story as well. As a reader, it was important for me to see the fruits of Mary's labors, and just how far she went and how much she accomplished exemplified the extent of the transformation of her convictions. Outside the main theme of the book, it was empowering to read about someone who could previously be perceived as weak and unsure transform into a nationally influential figure with self-confidence built from scratch.
Things I didn't like: I wasn't so crazy about the jumping back and forth in the timeline. It was a little distracting at time.
A section in the book, I feel is worth highlighting:
"May I assure you, the council, and the residents of Concord that you have nothing to fear should Concord's calendar of events include the word gay. What the people of Concord do have to fear is their lack of knowledge concerning gay and lesbian people.
Because of my own lack of knowledge, I became dependent upon people in the clergy. When the clergy condemns a homosexual person to hell and eternal damnation, we the congregation echo 'Amen.' I deeply regret my lack of knowledge concerning gay and lesbian people. Had I allowed myself to investigate what I now see as Bible bigotry and diabolical dehumanizing slander against our fellow human beings, I would not be looking back with regret for having relinquished my ability to think and reason with other people--people I trust for truth and guidance in my life.
God did not heal of cure Bobby as he, our family, and clergy believed he should...God has never been encumbered by his child's genetically determined sexuality. God is pleased that Bobby had a kind and loving heart. In God's eyes, kindness and love are what life is all about. I did not know that each time I echoed 'Amen' to eternal damnation, each time I referred to Bobby as sick, perverted, and a danger to our children, his self-esteem and personal worth were being destroyed...
There are children like Bobby sitting in your congregations. Unknown to you, they will be listening to your 'Amen's as they silently cry out to God in their hearts. Their cries will go unnoticed for they cannot be heard above your 'Amen's. Your fear and ignorance of the word gay will soon silence their cries. Before you echo 'Amen' in your home and place of worship, think and remember. A child is listening."
Things about the book that I loved: I really appreciate that the story went beyond the misery of a teenager, although that part is undeniably important to the story as well. As a reader, it was important for me to see the fruits of Mary's labors, and just how far she went and how much she accomplished exemplified the extent of the transformation of her convictions. Outside the main theme of the book, it was empowering to read about someone who could previously be perceived as weak and unsure transform into a nationally influential figure with self-confidence built from scratch.
Things I didn't like: I wasn't so crazy about the jumping back and forth in the timeline. It was a little distracting at time.
A section in the book, I feel is worth highlighting:
"May I assure you, the council, and the residents of Concord that you have nothing to fear should Concord's calendar of events include the word gay. What the people of Concord do have to fear is their lack of knowledge concerning gay and lesbian people.
Because of my own lack of knowledge, I became dependent upon people in the clergy. When the clergy condemns a homosexual person to hell and eternal damnation, we the congregation echo 'Amen.' I deeply regret my lack of knowledge concerning gay and lesbian people. Had I allowed myself to investigate what I now see as Bible bigotry and diabolical dehumanizing slander against our fellow human beings, I would not be looking back with regret for having relinquished my ability to think and reason with other people--people I trust for truth and guidance in my life.
God did not heal of cure Bobby as he, our family, and clergy believed he should...God has never been encumbered by his child's genetically determined sexuality. God is pleased that Bobby had a kind and loving heart. In God's eyes, kindness and love are what life is all about. I did not know that each time I echoed 'Amen' to eternal damnation, each time I referred to Bobby as sick, perverted, and a danger to our children, his self-esteem and personal worth were being destroyed...
There are children like Bobby sitting in your congregations. Unknown to you, they will be listening to your 'Amen's as they silently cry out to God in their hearts. Their cries will go unnoticed for they cannot be heard above your 'Amen's. Your fear and ignorance of the word gay will soon silence their cries. Before you echo 'Amen' in your home and place of worship, think and remember. A child is listening."
June 10, 2012
This biography tells the story of Mary Griffith, a mother who felt that her gay son was condemned to hell unless he repented. Through Christian television and other media she was led to believe that prayer would bring "healing" to her son Bobby and that God's power could change him from gay to straight. Eventually, Bobby's pain became too much and he committed suicide. The book tells how his mother grew to understand how her attitudes contributed to Bobby's lack of self-esteem and his inability to find a place in the world.
Griffith became an activist determined to make the world a safer place for gay and lesbian children. She joined PFLAG, demonstrated, spoke at hearings, founded a scholarship in her son's name, spoke on television talk shows, and became a high profile member in the fight against bigotry and against bullying. One of her projects was to make sure that health issues pertaining to gays and lesbians were included in a school district's health curriculum. Another was to donate books on gay and lesbian subjects to high school libraries, so that questioning students could get accurate information on the topic.
Griffith's journey from dependent housewife to outspoken activist is an interesting one, but I found her journey away from religion to be equally as profound. The time period covered in the book focuses on the late eighties and the nineties, before most mainline denominations started to realize that how the church treated its homosexual members was one of the biggest moral issues of the time. Though Presbyterian, the minister who presided at Bobby's funeral believed homosexuality to be a sin. Griffith understood homophobia to be fed by and encouraged by religion and eventually she simply rejected the church for preaching a falsehood.
This book, first published in 1995, became a film by the same title starring Sigourney Weaver as Mary Griffith. Though the emphasis on specific legislative and other political actions dates the book, I am sure that many youth today are still being hurt by the same forces of ignorance and deliberate misunderstanding that Bobby suffered. Until hate no longer finds cover in religious institutions, young people will continue to kill themselves in despair that they are not worthy of being loved.
Mary Griffith turned grief into energy. Her story is one of the dominant narratives depicting the terrible impact of homophobia on families. Her message, that a safer society requires equality, acceptance, and love, has increased in strength a hundred-fold since this book was written.
Griffith became an activist determined to make the world a safer place for gay and lesbian children. She joined PFLAG, demonstrated, spoke at hearings, founded a scholarship in her son's name, spoke on television talk shows, and became a high profile member in the fight against bigotry and against bullying. One of her projects was to make sure that health issues pertaining to gays and lesbians were included in a school district's health curriculum. Another was to donate books on gay and lesbian subjects to high school libraries, so that questioning students could get accurate information on the topic.
Griffith's journey from dependent housewife to outspoken activist is an interesting one, but I found her journey away from religion to be equally as profound. The time period covered in the book focuses on the late eighties and the nineties, before most mainline denominations started to realize that how the church treated its homosexual members was one of the biggest moral issues of the time. Though Presbyterian, the minister who presided at Bobby's funeral believed homosexuality to be a sin. Griffith understood homophobia to be fed by and encouraged by religion and eventually she simply rejected the church for preaching a falsehood.
This book, first published in 1995, became a film by the same title starring Sigourney Weaver as Mary Griffith. Though the emphasis on specific legislative and other political actions dates the book, I am sure that many youth today are still being hurt by the same forces of ignorance and deliberate misunderstanding that Bobby suffered. Until hate no longer finds cover in religious institutions, young people will continue to kill themselves in despair that they are not worthy of being loved.
Mary Griffith turned grief into energy. Her story is one of the dominant narratives depicting the terrible impact of homophobia on families. Her message, that a safer society requires equality, acceptance, and love, has increased in strength a hundred-fold since this book was written.
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