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Het mooiste moet nog komen
'Zo herkenbaar. Dezelfde leeftijd, dezelfde zoektocht, dezelfde uitkomst, kortom: zo ouder worden is een bonus.' Ans Markus
Het mooiste moet nog komen
Ouder worden, we komen er niet onderuit. Je krijgt als vrouw te maken met zaken als verlies en ouderdomskwalen. Maar uit onderzoek blijkt ook dat de meeste vrouwen op latere leeftijd juist het gelukkigst zijn met hun leven en dankbaar zijn voor de wijsheid die ze tot dan toe hebben verzameld. Door moeilijke momenten zijn ze in de loop der jaren uitgegroeid tot de authentieke, empathische en wijze mensen die ze altijd al wilden zijn. Psychologe en bestsellerauteur Mary Pipher onderzoekt in haar boek de manieren waarop vrouwen veerkrachtig zijn geworden door de uitdagingen waarmee ze werden geconfronteerd. Ze deelt in Het mooiste moet nog komen zowel haar eigen wijsheid en ervaringen als dochter, zus, moeder, grootmoeder en vriendin als die van anderen.
Dit boek gaat over de vaardigheden en de mentaliteit die je nodig hebt om het verleden los te laten, het nieuwe te omarmen, om te gaan met verdriet en te kunnen genieten van je wijsheid, authenticiteit, waardigheid en geluk. Het geeft je handreikingen wat je als je ouder wordt helpt, opvrolijkt en verrijkt. Het mooiste moet nog komen is een handboek om de beste versie van jezelf te worden, welke leeftijd je ook hebt.
De auteur
Mary Pipher (1947) studeerde culturele antropologie en klinische psychologie. Ze is gespecialiseerd in de gevolgen van onze cultuur op onze mentale gezondheid. Om deze reden wordt ze ook wel de 'cultureel therapeute' van haar generatie genoemd. Ze heeft verschillende New York Times-bestsellers geschreven, waaronder Reviving Ophelia, The Shelter of Each Other en Another Country. Ze woont in Lincoln, Nebraska met haar man Jim.
Recensies
'Er is licht. Er is altijd licht. Ook als het leven rake klappen uitdeelt, kun je je diep gelukkig voelen. Dat is het mooie van dit boek.' Lisette Schuitemaker, auteur van Gelukkig zonder kinderen
'De eerlijkheid waarmee Mary Pipher schrijft over hoe het in deze maatschappij voelt om een "oudere" vrouw te zijn, maakt dat je wil blijven lezen. Een boek om moed uit te putten.' Wies Enthoven, auteur van Het Oudste Dochter Effect
'Een gps-systeem voor het navigeren in je latere jaren.' Considerable
243 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 15, 2019
3514 people are currently reading
8877 people want to read
About the author
Mary Pipher
21 books336 followersMary Elizabeth Pipher, also known as Mary Bray Pipher, is an American clinical psychologist and author, most recently of Women Rowing North, a book on aging gracefully. Prior to that, she wrote The Green Boat, which was published by Riverhead Books in June 2013.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,189 reviews
February 10, 2019
I have mixed emotions about this - essentially a Chicken Soup for the Soul for older women. Each reader’s perspective may well be based on how she’s doing with aging. If you’re faced with challenges from loss of spouse to loss of dexterity, and aging feels like a punishment, this book is for you. Personally I found it a downer. I had no idea there were so many things to be unhappy about.
The book is well written, many inspirational stories, and a big dose of the author’s value judgments.
If you’ve already figured out that exercise, healthy eating, community involvement, pursuit of a special interest and nurturing relationships with friends and families are the keys to happiness at any age, your time will be better spent in pursuing those activities than in reading this book.
The book is well written, many inspirational stories, and a big dose of the author’s value judgments.
If you’ve already figured out that exercise, healthy eating, community involvement, pursuit of a special interest and nurturing relationships with friends and families are the keys to happiness at any age, your time will be better spent in pursuing those activities than in reading this book.
May 8, 2019
"Getting old is such a freaking privilege!"
When it comes to getting older, attitude is everything. Well, attitude, and friends . . . and excellent healthcare, some discretionary income, and the time to sit around thinking deep thoughts like:
We are adrift on a little boat rocked in the river of time, part of a long line of women who have lived in caves, swum in rivers, foraged for food. We are the daughters of time, the children of mothers who fed us, rocked us, sang us songs, and kept us safe.
As we approach the end of our time, we can feel safe under the sky full of our ancestors. and some of us are becoming the ancestors for new generations of family.
And:
Bliss doesn't happen because we are perfect or problem-free but rather because over the years we have become wise enough to occasionally be present for the moment. We have acquired the capacity to appreciate what simply is.
This is THE feel-good book about aging - chock full 'o affirmations and assurances that your steep decline towards death need not be a hell ride racked with pain and suffering. And, it works . . . mostly. Pipher introduces us to many inspiring older gals who are filled with pluck and gumption, and the determination to not go gently into that good night. I finished the book feeling warm and fuzzy, but also worried that I don't have enough money set aside for retirement, and the fact that at least half our elected representatives seem determined to eliminate medicare, not to mention dementia, and . . . well, at least I felt better while I was reading the book, anyway.
Plus, there were some great quotes:
"The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been." -- Madeleine L'Engle
"I deserve better -- such a dangerous, mad thought for a woman to entertain." -- Meredith Duran
That's something . . . right?
When it comes to getting older, attitude is everything. Well, attitude, and friends . . . and excellent healthcare, some discretionary income, and the time to sit around thinking deep thoughts like:
We are adrift on a little boat rocked in the river of time, part of a long line of women who have lived in caves, swum in rivers, foraged for food. We are the daughters of time, the children of mothers who fed us, rocked us, sang us songs, and kept us safe.
As we approach the end of our time, we can feel safe under the sky full of our ancestors. and some of us are becoming the ancestors for new generations of family.
And:
Bliss doesn't happen because we are perfect or problem-free but rather because over the years we have become wise enough to occasionally be present for the moment. We have acquired the capacity to appreciate what simply is.
This is THE feel-good book about aging - chock full 'o affirmations and assurances that your steep decline towards death need not be a hell ride racked with pain and suffering. And, it works . . . mostly. Pipher introduces us to many inspiring older gals who are filled with pluck and gumption, and the determination to not go gently into that good night. I finished the book feeling warm and fuzzy, but also worried that I don't have enough money set aside for retirement, and the fact that at least half our elected representatives seem determined to eliminate medicare, not to mention dementia, and . . . well, at least I felt better while I was reading the book, anyway.
Plus, there were some great quotes:
"The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been." -- Madeleine L'Engle
"I deserve better -- such a dangerous, mad thought for a woman to entertain." -- Meredith Duran
That's something . . . right?
February 22, 2019
This book was well-reviewed on the radio, and seemed written just for me: it’s about how women navigate the transition from middle age to old age. But, I mostly found it disappointing.
There was no wisdom in this book that I didn’t already have, and I think that would be true of most readers. The typical reader of this book will be a well-educated, middle to upper-middle class woman in late middle age who is probably already pretty self-aware. We already know that yoga and meditation are good ideas, that forgiveness is better than grudge holding, and that we’ve earned the leisure to take time to savor the moment.
I enjoyed some of the personal stories of individual women that were included as examples. But, again, most of the examples were of women with resources, who have a good chance at navigating health changes and loss better than our less fortunate sisters. Only a few of the examples involved working-class people, and there were zero poor people. I also thought that Pipher glossed over the difficulties a bit just in general, for women of any social class.
In her effort to be positive and show the advantages of wisdom, mellowness and savoring life that come with age, I feel like Pipher swaddled the genuine challenges in a vague pink mist. This book kind of reminded me of the books about “becoming a woman” that mothers used to give their daughters in the 60s when I was growing up, the ones that made it seem like rose petals were about to emerge from your vagina instead of clotty, stinky blood.
Like my reviews? Check out my blog at http://www.kathrynbashaar.com/blog/
Author of The Saint's Mistress: https://www.bing.com/search?q=amazon....
There was no wisdom in this book that I didn’t already have, and I think that would be true of most readers. The typical reader of this book will be a well-educated, middle to upper-middle class woman in late middle age who is probably already pretty self-aware. We already know that yoga and meditation are good ideas, that forgiveness is better than grudge holding, and that we’ve earned the leisure to take time to savor the moment.
I enjoyed some of the personal stories of individual women that were included as examples. But, again, most of the examples were of women with resources, who have a good chance at navigating health changes and loss better than our less fortunate sisters. Only a few of the examples involved working-class people, and there were zero poor people. I also thought that Pipher glossed over the difficulties a bit just in general, for women of any social class.
In her effort to be positive and show the advantages of wisdom, mellowness and savoring life that come with age, I feel like Pipher swaddled the genuine challenges in a vague pink mist. This book kind of reminded me of the books about “becoming a woman” that mothers used to give their daughters in the 60s when I was growing up, the ones that made it seem like rose petals were about to emerge from your vagina instead of clotty, stinky blood.
Like my reviews? Check out my blog at http://www.kathrynbashaar.com/blog/
Author of The Saint's Mistress: https://www.bing.com/search?q=amazon....
February 9, 2020
The most perfect book for me right now. Grateful for it.
February 18, 2019
some good advice, repeated over and over and over and over and over and over
May 9, 2019
This book made the bestseller lists which, I suspect, has a great deal to do with our hunger for some form of guidance through the crowning decades of life. How best do we age? What can we expect to encounter? Any wisdom to offer? Any resources to share? I wouldn't be at all surprised to find Women Rowing North is but the first of a score of publications on the subject, considering more of the world's population is reaching retirement than ever before. So kudos to Mary Pipher for spotting the curve and launching ahead of it. In a marketing sense, she got it right. Less so in the message, though, and that is unfortunate.
Pipher is a psychologist who has written a number of works on women, families and culture. She is also an activist; a role that helped me to rationalize the forceful nature of her prose. For it does feel, quite often in these pages, as if one is being throttled by the cold realities of aging through a litany of dismal stories involving many unfortunate people the author has come to know - stories that are insufficiently countered by the equally valid instances of benefit derived from the possession of a long and relatively fruitful existence on this earth. Disgruntled readers have tended to remark on the bounty of platitudes set forth in these chapters. I think they are earnestly offered. They simply do not balance the account, which ends in doing more to make one dread growing older than anything else.
I try to keep in mind, though, that Ms. Pipher is in her seventies and facing some of the very issues she's written this book to address. It is possible the inexorable thrust of her approach mirrors the inexorable thrust she's using to tackle her own experience. There may be anger here, and fear, and a despair that needs attacking. And while I might wish, if this is the case, that she'd brought the meat of that struggle to the page - that she'd shared more of her own ordeal in her writing - it is also entirely possible she hasn't yet reached a place that will allow her to do this.
And that's fair. And I'll wait.
Pipher is a psychologist who has written a number of works on women, families and culture. She is also an activist; a role that helped me to rationalize the forceful nature of her prose. For it does feel, quite often in these pages, as if one is being throttled by the cold realities of aging through a litany of dismal stories involving many unfortunate people the author has come to know - stories that are insufficiently countered by the equally valid instances of benefit derived from the possession of a long and relatively fruitful existence on this earth. Disgruntled readers have tended to remark on the bounty of platitudes set forth in these chapters. I think they are earnestly offered. They simply do not balance the account, which ends in doing more to make one dread growing older than anything else.
I try to keep in mind, though, that Ms. Pipher is in her seventies and facing some of the very issues she's written this book to address. It is possible the inexorable thrust of her approach mirrors the inexorable thrust she's using to tackle her own experience. There may be anger here, and fear, and a despair that needs attacking. And while I might wish, if this is the case, that she'd brought the meat of that struggle to the page - that she'd shared more of her own ordeal in her writing - it is also entirely possible she hasn't yet reached a place that will allow her to do this.
And that's fair. And I'll wait.
March 10, 2019
2.5. After awhile this book really got on my nerves.
January 23, 2019
I'm on the downward side of my 60's - heading straight for my '70's. Luckily, I've had family and friends who have hit the milestone ages before I have and I can see how they've dealt with aging. Of course, hitting 70 ain't like hitting 50, so I've seen different reactions from those who've gone before me. I have also just finished reading Mary Pipher's new book, "Women Rowing North: Navigating Life's Currents and Flourishing as We Age". (That's such a long title that I could almost feel myself aging as I wrote it!) Pipher is the author of "Reviving Ophelia", which is about the problems and - I presume - joys of both being and raising a teenage girl. I didn't read it because I had sons, but I am growing older so I did pick up her latest book.
Mary Pipher's book is chock-full of good advise on hitting your old age. She does talk about "Young Old" and "Old Old"; those different sub-catagories of aging. Seventy seems to be the start of "Old-Old", but she manages to make it seem almost desirable as she writes about women who've both cast off and taken on responsibilities they wouldn't have done 20 years earlier. Life is easier as we slow down to smell the flowers and enjoy our friendships and family relations. She gives us examples of women who've found contentment and purpose as they've aged, as they take care of grandchildren and sick husbands, She also tells of women who've found the same contentment as they've shed these responsibilities and lived basically solo lives.
It's an interesting book that gave me a few ideas I hadn't originally thought about as the Big 70 - and "Old Old Age" - is fast approaching.
Mary Pipher's book is chock-full of good advise on hitting your old age. She does talk about "Young Old" and "Old Old"; those different sub-catagories of aging. Seventy seems to be the start of "Old-Old", but she manages to make it seem almost desirable as she writes about women who've both cast off and taken on responsibilities they wouldn't have done 20 years earlier. Life is easier as we slow down to smell the flowers and enjoy our friendships and family relations. She gives us examples of women who've found contentment and purpose as they've aged, as they take care of grandchildren and sick husbands, She also tells of women who've found the same contentment as they've shed these responsibilities and lived basically solo lives.
It's an interesting book that gave me a few ideas I hadn't originally thought about as the Big 70 - and "Old Old Age" - is fast approaching.
January 24, 2019
Though I'm only in my late twenties, I really loved this book. Reading Mary's writing is like talking to a wise older friend, and I loved the glimpses she gave us into the lives of the people she knows. Her points about resilience, building families (found and biological), and choosing happiness apply to everyone.
As a wlw, I really appreciated how many wlw she included in the story. As she writes, it's time to reclaim the narrative of older generations from cultural stereotypes, and I realized that too much of my understanding of other women in relationships with women is limited to people my age. Reading about multiple older lesbian relationships was so refreshing, and made me want to go make friends with some of the older members of the community!
Disclaimer: I work for the publisher, but my opinions are my own.
As a wlw, I really appreciated how many wlw she included in the story. As she writes, it's time to reclaim the narrative of older generations from cultural stereotypes, and I realized that too much of my understanding of other women in relationships with women is limited to people my age. Reading about multiple older lesbian relationships was so refreshing, and made me want to go make friends with some of the older members of the community!
Disclaimer: I work for the publisher, but my opinions are my own.
April 8, 2021
This book aims to encourage older women to approach aging in a positive and growth-enhancing way. I happen to be older but not a woman, so why did I read it? Well, aging is a universal experience, and if there are ways to enhance the experience they are likely to apply to both men and women. The fact that I'm a member of a book group that selected this book is another reason for me to read the book.
The book is full of real stories from a variety of women’s lives. The author also shares stories from her own life. Together these stories provide wisdom and consoling messages that foster a positive attitude toward developing resiliency and grit to deal with whatever comes our way.
In the Introduction the author describes the content organization of the book as follows:
The book is full of real stories from a variety of women’s lives. The author also shares stories from her own life. Together these stories provide wisdom and consoling messages that foster a positive attitude toward developing resiliency and grit to deal with whatever comes our way.
In the Introduction the author describes the content organization of the book as follows:
- Part I of Women Rowing North considers the challenges of aging, including ageism and lookism, caregiving, loss, and loneliness.An item I found of interest was the author's explanation for use of the word "rowing" in the title. Some authors may have been tempted to use the metaphor of sailing to describe dealing with life's uncertainties. Instead she chose the word rowing to indicate the effort, strength, and deliberate sense of direction required to master life. “Happiness is a choice and a set of skills.”
- Part II considers the travel skills necessary for our river journey north. These include understanding ourselves, skillful choices, community building, managing our narratives, and gratitude. I emphasize the importance of being useful. Barbara Kingsolver said it best: “Happy people have found a use for themselves like a good tool.”
- Part III turns readers toward the lifeboat of long-term loving relationships. Whether or not we have a family, we need to live interdependently with others. Our growth depends on interaction: isolation is the quickest path to stagnation.
- Finally, Part IV explores the rewards of this life stage, including authenticity, enhanced perspectives, and bliss. For this book’s title I chose the word “rowing” rather than sailing or floating because, to stay on course, we need to make an effort, choose a positive attitude, and maintain a strong sense of direction.
February 26, 2019
Gave up about a third of the way in. Really disappointed. Too many platitudes. Friend said it left her with the impression that how you fare when you get older is mostly a function of having made "Good Decisions" numerous decades ago.
This one won't count toward my Book Challenge, but not sure how to make that clear. May just end up deleting it entirely.
This one won't count toward my Book Challenge, but not sure how to make that clear. May just end up deleting it entirely.
March 1, 2019
If you are new to aging this is a good place to start. There are a lot of anecdotes which makes the book a quick read, but I found the most interesting passages tended to be the author's own reflections on her aging experience. Piper's perspective has a Buddhist flavor which I appreciated, I only wish her profiles were deeper or that this had been a memoir.
November 23, 2019
This is a worthy self-help book on getting old. It's geared for women, but the suggestions and approach offered are useful to anybody. Lots of interviews and interesting quotes are pulled into the narrative. The writing style is casual and often humorous. Good stuff.
February 9, 2019
Some words of wisdom but did not live up to my expectations.
June 2, 2024
3.75 rounded up
If you feel all alone in the challenges faced with aging, this should convince you that you aren't. There are many aspects of aging that force change and reassessment and it can be a time of discouragement or opportunity, depending on how one chooses. Nothing earth shattering in what it offers, but when you are finished reading it, it feels a bit like you've just spent a lovely afternoon drinking tea or wine with a favorite group of friends, listening to them share their deepest convictions and heartfelt memories. You feel filled up and ready to tackle tomorrow.
If you feel all alone in the challenges faced with aging, this should convince you that you aren't. There are many aspects of aging that force change and reassessment and it can be a time of discouragement or opportunity, depending on how one chooses. Nothing earth shattering in what it offers, but when you are finished reading it, it feels a bit like you've just spent a lovely afternoon drinking tea or wine with a favorite group of friends, listening to them share their deepest convictions and heartfelt memories. You feel filled up and ready to tackle tomorrow.
March 29, 2019
I enjoyed this one; it was like listening to a wise friend sharing her experience. There was nothing I hadn't read before and there were times, because of this, I questioned whether I was spending my reading time in the best way possible. But then I relaxed. As I age, it's good to spend time just listening to others, either in person or from the pages of a book.
The best parts for me of this book were all the stories. I love to read about other people's lives and this provided plenty of that pleasure. And almost despite myself, I appreciated all the stories of people overcoming hardship to enjoy their lives no matter what challenges they faced.
This book was a good companion while thinking over my choices as I age and how to face the future.
The best parts for me of this book were all the stories. I love to read about other people's lives and this provided plenty of that pleasure. And almost despite myself, I appreciated all the stories of people overcoming hardship to enjoy their lives no matter what challenges they faced.
This book was a good companion while thinking over my choices as I age and how to face the future.
December 29, 2018
Such a great read. As a psychologist who specializes in older adulthood, I can totally see myself recommending this to several of my clients.
March 3, 2019
Pipher tried not to whine too much in this book about aging. But she also was rather preachy about her political and activist views that really weren't relevant to the topic - so that was annoying. She mainly discussed different topics and had interviewed the same group of women throughout the book - sharing their personal experiences. Think she could've broadened her base of women a bit more. Parts were good, but nothing really substantial on the subject.
February 19, 2019
My expectations were too high, I think.
January 10, 2019
Women Rowing North: Navigating Life's Currents and Flourishing As We Age by Mary Pipher is a highly recommended examination of the issues facing aging women.
Pipher tackles the cultural, personal, social, and developmental issues and challenges women face as they age and explores ways women can cultivate happiness through their responses. She shares stories from women in a variety of circumstances, backgrounds, and economic circumstances, and demonstrates how their struggles result in them becoming authentic, empathetic, and wise people. The summary of her encouraging advice is that happiness is a choice and skill set you can develop as you live a life of authenticity, gratitude, and adapting
In Women Rowing North Pipher doesn't shy away from the problems older women face, including health issues, ageism, loneliness, misogyny, lookism, caregiving, and loss. She notes that: "Old women in America suffer a social disease. For us, ageism may be an even more serious challenge than aging." She offers practical advice and suggestions as she shares the stories of the various women interviewed and featured along with her own personal journey in the book. She purposes that: "One of the great gifts of our later years is the possibility of authenticity....which comes from growing out of fears into wholeness."
She divides the book into three sections. The first section deals with the challenges that may face aging women. The second discusses the skills women need to navigate aging, with the ability to adapt being pivotal. The third section discusses the importance of relationships. Pipher realistically points out that, "We do not need to like all of our family members. Who does? Especially as we get older, we can select the people who we want to consider as family....No matter what our families are like or how difficult people are to get along with, we can almost always find at least one person to love."
Pipher has a calm, affirming writing style and this book should have a wide appeal to women approaching or in their sixties and beyond. While her advice won't apply to every aging woman, it does provide a platform for individuals to chart their own course, set boundaries, confront obstacles, and make their way through this time of life. "We can set priorities and separate the essential from the nonessential. We can ask, 'Am I spending my time in accordance with my values?'... Each of us has the freedom to decide what is essential."
Disclosure: My review copy was courtesy of Bloomsbury via Netgalley.
http://www.shetreadssoftly.com/2019/0...
Pipher tackles the cultural, personal, social, and developmental issues and challenges women face as they age and explores ways women can cultivate happiness through their responses. She shares stories from women in a variety of circumstances, backgrounds, and economic circumstances, and demonstrates how their struggles result in them becoming authentic, empathetic, and wise people. The summary of her encouraging advice is that happiness is a choice and skill set you can develop as you live a life of authenticity, gratitude, and adapting
In Women Rowing North Pipher doesn't shy away from the problems older women face, including health issues, ageism, loneliness, misogyny, lookism, caregiving, and loss. She notes that: "Old women in America suffer a social disease. For us, ageism may be an even more serious challenge than aging." She offers practical advice and suggestions as she shares the stories of the various women interviewed and featured along with her own personal journey in the book. She purposes that: "One of the great gifts of our later years is the possibility of authenticity....which comes from growing out of fears into wholeness."
She divides the book into three sections. The first section deals with the challenges that may face aging women. The second discusses the skills women need to navigate aging, with the ability to adapt being pivotal. The third section discusses the importance of relationships. Pipher realistically points out that, "We do not need to like all of our family members. Who does? Especially as we get older, we can select the people who we want to consider as family....No matter what our families are like or how difficult people are to get along with, we can almost always find at least one person to love."
Pipher has a calm, affirming writing style and this book should have a wide appeal to women approaching or in their sixties and beyond. While her advice won't apply to every aging woman, it does provide a platform for individuals to chart their own course, set boundaries, confront obstacles, and make their way through this time of life. "We can set priorities and separate the essential from the nonessential. We can ask, 'Am I spending my time in accordance with my values?'... Each of us has the freedom to decide what is essential."
Disclosure: My review copy was courtesy of Bloomsbury via Netgalley.
http://www.shetreadssoftly.com/2019/0...
June 25, 2019
Back in the 90's when I was raising my young daughter, I greatly appreciated the author's advice in a book called "Reviving Ophelia" which reminded me to raise my daughter to be the hero of the story, not the victim or the rescued one, as in all the fairy tales. Believe it or not that was back before the days when we had "Mulan" or any of the female lead characters in the Disney cartoons.
So I looked forward to reading this "how-to-age" book of hers. While it was satisfying on several levels, I realized that her advice on this subject has already been covered in several books in the past few years, including, "Alive, Alive Oh" by Diana Athill, "Old Age:A Beginner's Guide" by Michael E. Kinsley, "On Living",and "The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning" to name a few. She told a lot of interesting anecdotes to keep the reader engaged and had a strong message of adaptation based on her own experience which I appreciated. She is an author and was stricken with severe arthritis in her hands so has been unable to write or type in the past few years. She told many similar stories of people who had extreme challenges and her message is to learn to adapt, a message that bears repetition. I have to say I enjoyed it but wasn't overwhelmed by it.
So I looked forward to reading this "how-to-age" book of hers. While it was satisfying on several levels, I realized that her advice on this subject has already been covered in several books in the past few years, including, "Alive, Alive Oh" by Diana Athill, "Old Age:A Beginner's Guide" by Michael E. Kinsley, "On Living",and "The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning" to name a few. She told a lot of interesting anecdotes to keep the reader engaged and had a strong message of adaptation based on her own experience which I appreciated. She is an author and was stricken with severe arthritis in her hands so has been unable to write or type in the past few years. She told many similar stories of people who had extreme challenges and her message is to learn to adapt, a message that bears repetition. I have to say I enjoyed it but wasn't overwhelmed by it.
February 10, 2019
When I highlight a book frequently, I know I am onto a good thing. I have 182 highlights in this book, this is one of them
“The great gift of our life stage is authenticity. We have reached a point in our journey when, at least for a moment, we can put down our canoe paddles and look around us. We lose our fears and discover within ourselves a deep well of strength. We can appreciate everything we see.” Mary Pipher
For women of age, whatever that may be, but lets say 50+...you will enjoy this book. As you read along you will meet yourself, a friend, a family member and many more. Not all may apply to you but you begin to realize that it it could and you start to pay a little closer attention as you read along.
Others will see themselves or someone they love and find encouragement and possibly a way forward.
I am one star shy of five because I wanted a bit more...maybe more direction? Regardless, it is a worthy read for women (and men) trying to understand the stages of life.
This memorable book is a journey and one I know I will refer back to again and again...after all, I have 182 highlights to keep me inspired!
“The great gift of our life stage is authenticity. We have reached a point in our journey when, at least for a moment, we can put down our canoe paddles and look around us. We lose our fears and discover within ourselves a deep well of strength. We can appreciate everything we see.” Mary Pipher
For women of age, whatever that may be, but lets say 50+...you will enjoy this book. As you read along you will meet yourself, a friend, a family member and many more. Not all may apply to you but you begin to realize that it it could and you start to pay a little closer attention as you read along.
Others will see themselves or someone they love and find encouragement and possibly a way forward.
I am one star shy of five because I wanted a bit more...maybe more direction? Regardless, it is a worthy read for women (and men) trying to understand the stages of life.
This memorable book is a journey and one I know I will refer back to again and again...after all, I have 182 highlights to keep me inspired!
April 1, 2019
3.5 rounded up: I'm a fan of Pipher and had high hopes for this book. It didn't live up to my expectations: as a psychologist, she is trained to avoid self disclosure and the rare times she did disclose, the comments were fascinating: "My marriage has been a struggle." "I've always wished my life was larger." Wow, compared to the vignettes that didn't resonate deeply, these comments begged for further exploration. I think the book was worthwhile, but tended to repeat advice of seize the day, create community, look at the stars. It didn't have the depth I would have wanted. I found myself wondering about women who don't have grandchildren, a living partner, financial security. They were briefly addressed in the vignettes, but just briefly. It was a quick read, and while the advice wasn't earth shattering, it was a helpful book, if limited.
April 9, 2019
I borrowed this book from the library. After I finished it, I ordered a copy because I am going to want to reread it at intervals. This is the only book I've read about being a women who is age 65+ that is truly useful in a psychological way. What drew me to it initially is that Mary Pipher, who is in her 70's herself, does not discount that, in some ways, it's a difficult period because one's life is coming to an end. However, for me, it is also one of the best times of my life and she focuses on ways to make it even better through examples from her own life and those of other women in their 60's and 70's. Talk of being "present" has become a cliché over the past 10 years but, though it is only one of the many subjects here, I was left with a true sense of its importance to me at this stage of my life.
February 23, 2023
I probably shouldn't have read the book yet. Made me think of some bad things that come with age that I haven't been thinking of yet. At the same time the things that would make me fear age weren't really mentioned. I am not really in the group described in the book. I don't have tons of grandkids to come and they seem to be a bit well off so money will never be in the way. But you can't address everyone in one book. I am sure there are enough women out there who found the book helpful.
June 6, 2019
Specifically focused on issues older women face, Pipher says in the introduction that this is not a "how to" book but a "how to think" book. She uses many examples from interviews and her own experiences in which a lot of women will recognize themselves (or certainly someone they know), and it definitely does serve to make one think. Her basic premises are well-known therapy advice - achieving personal authenticity, acceptance of and flexibility to change, the love of family and friends, recognizing the deep value of the natural world, to name a few. All are necessary throughout life and become even more so with the challenges of age. Elsewhere there have been criticisms levying such words as cliché, platitudes and hackneyed - nevertheless these are established foundation principles of mental health. I suspect Pipher's simple writing style is partially the source of such criticisms from professional critics looking for more complex, flowery turns of phrase. Pipher's goal is not achieving high literary style or using dense terminology, and none of what she addresses is "fresh, original material" because none of the problems aging women face are new. The subject matter isn't lessened by her simple, direct approach.
However, although Pipher is a retired clinical psychologist with many years of practice and has published numerous books in the self-help genre, she makes some assumptions in the substance of her advice. In the introduction Pipher states "growth depends on interaction: isolation is the quickest path to stagnation." This is a very disagreeable generalization. "Alone" does not equate to being "lonely" and solitude is not necessarily the "path to stagnation." Some of the greatest works of humankind were and continue to be produced in solitude, which is believed essential for creativity. Part III is described as "the lifeboat of long-term loving relationships." For many people "long term" isn't an option. Few can go through life without losing people, and some have lost many loved ones through circumstances beyond control. The stability of years-long relationships is comforting, but the ability to form strong bonds is more important than the length of time they've existed.
Pipher personally appears to be an extravert, but surely she must professionally recognize the introvert who has completely different social needs and tolerances. Most introverted folks will cringe at the dozens-of-friends stories and litany of group activities in every chapter that propound "being engaged" with life, social activism, and community service. Regardless of the "social safety net" the psych community constantly preaches, heavy social interaction certainly doesn't work for everyone in an uplifting way. In an attempt to balance this, Pipher does mention meditation, hiking, and reading, but constant references to social interaction overwhelm her suggestions of solitary pursuits.
Along the same line as the constant social "engagement", certainly many women of retirement age are not financially able to afford the retreats, classes, massages, museums, or travel that are also referenced throughout the book. Many of these examples are drawn from Pipher's personal experiences within her socioeconomic circle. But the obvious message is staying involved, and motivated resourceful readers can find numerous other opportunities that don't involve one's bank account.
In spite of some of its weaknesses, the book is still worth reading. Parts I and II, which first examine the challenges of aging women and then some of the necessary coping skills, I found more thought-provoking and applicable than Parts III and IV addressing long-term relationships and possible rewards. I'd venture to recommend it to adult daughters and sons, because it's difficult for children to perceive their mothers as individual persons outside the role of parent. Youth has no frame of reference towards understanding the process of aging and the sometimes overwhelming issues it can bring. The demographic of women over 60 is without argument one of the most devalued and neglected in Western society so I'm happy to see these issues being addressed at all.
However, although Pipher is a retired clinical psychologist with many years of practice and has published numerous books in the self-help genre, she makes some assumptions in the substance of her advice. In the introduction Pipher states "growth depends on interaction: isolation is the quickest path to stagnation." This is a very disagreeable generalization. "Alone" does not equate to being "lonely" and solitude is not necessarily the "path to stagnation." Some of the greatest works of humankind were and continue to be produced in solitude, which is believed essential for creativity. Part III is described as "the lifeboat of long-term loving relationships." For many people "long term" isn't an option. Few can go through life without losing people, and some have lost many loved ones through circumstances beyond control. The stability of years-long relationships is comforting, but the ability to form strong bonds is more important than the length of time they've existed.
Pipher personally appears to be an extravert, but surely she must professionally recognize the introvert who has completely different social needs and tolerances. Most introverted folks will cringe at the dozens-of-friends stories and litany of group activities in every chapter that propound "being engaged" with life, social activism, and community service. Regardless of the "social safety net" the psych community constantly preaches, heavy social interaction certainly doesn't work for everyone in an uplifting way. In an attempt to balance this, Pipher does mention meditation, hiking, and reading, but constant references to social interaction overwhelm her suggestions of solitary pursuits.
Along the same line as the constant social "engagement", certainly many women of retirement age are not financially able to afford the retreats, classes, massages, museums, or travel that are also referenced throughout the book. Many of these examples are drawn from Pipher's personal experiences within her socioeconomic circle. But the obvious message is staying involved, and motivated resourceful readers can find numerous other opportunities that don't involve one's bank account.
In spite of some of its weaknesses, the book is still worth reading. Parts I and II, which first examine the challenges of aging women and then some of the necessary coping skills, I found more thought-provoking and applicable than Parts III and IV addressing long-term relationships and possible rewards. I'd venture to recommend it to adult daughters and sons, because it's difficult for children to perceive their mothers as individual persons outside the role of parent. Youth has no frame of reference towards understanding the process of aging and the sometimes overwhelming issues it can bring. The demographic of women over 60 is without argument one of the most devalued and neglected in Western society so I'm happy to see these issues being addressed at all.
February 28, 2020
To be honest, I wasn't able to finish this before it was due at the library. In my experience, it's best to read it in small doses in order to absorb the narrative fully. From what I was able to read, it's a 4 star book.
I found myself putting post-it notes on numerous pages that resonated strongly. Many passages offered insight and clarity about society's views of older women. For example, the author offers up a story about two older Athabaskan women in Alaska who are left behind in a brutal winter as the tribe moves on. It's a perfect example of how society underestimates those who are no longer young (Two Old Women by Velma Wallis) and how past struggles contribute to present day toughness.
The book also offers some strategies for coping with getting older, pointing out that 'all life stages present us with joys and miseries'. In the few chapters that I read, she doesn't sugarcoat the challenges of aging, but presents various ways we might adapt, which battles to fight, which choices we might make, which questions we might ask ourselves, and how to move forward in life's journey.
My plan is to return to reading this at a later date - maybe update this review as well. In the meantime, I enjoyed it and felt validated by the content.
I found myself putting post-it notes on numerous pages that resonated strongly. Many passages offered insight and clarity about society's views of older women. For example, the author offers up a story about two older Athabaskan women in Alaska who are left behind in a brutal winter as the tribe moves on. It's a perfect example of how society underestimates those who are no longer young (Two Old Women by Velma Wallis) and how past struggles contribute to present day toughness.
The book also offers some strategies for coping with getting older, pointing out that 'all life stages present us with joys and miseries'. In the few chapters that I read, she doesn't sugarcoat the challenges of aging, but presents various ways we might adapt, which battles to fight, which choices we might make, which questions we might ask ourselves, and how to move forward in life's journey.
My plan is to return to reading this at a later date - maybe update this review as well. In the meantime, I enjoyed it and felt validated by the content.
June 4, 2019
Review to follow
September 12, 2019
Not a bad book, just not my cup of tea.
Parts of the book are broken out on the boat metaphor (Challenges of the Journey, Travel Skills, People on the Boat, The Northern Lights). Each part has several stories in it meant to illustrate the part of the story being told.
I have a hard time with books like this because the stories always feel forced or not on point. Crafted to make the reader "see" what the author is purporting to teach at the moment.
Some people find books like this very helpful.
I browsed but did not read straight through once I realized how it is set up.
Parts of the book are broken out on the boat metaphor (Challenges of the Journey, Travel Skills, People on the Boat, The Northern Lights). Each part has several stories in it meant to illustrate the part of the story being told.
I have a hard time with books like this because the stories always feel forced or not on point. Crafted to make the reader "see" what the author is purporting to teach at the moment.
Some people find books like this very helpful.
I browsed but did not read straight through once I realized how it is set up.
February 27, 2019
I strongly recommend this book to any woman over 55. It is about the transitions we make as we age. What I liked most about the book was psychologist Mary's Pipher's skill at finding ways to help women reframe the inevitable sorrows that come with aging and find strategies to help us make make the most of our time. Dr. Pipher is wise, witty and insightful. This is a book that will remain on my night table so that I can refer to repeatedly in the years to come.
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