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雙薪家庭進化論
美好而成熟的伴侶關係，不是你輸我贏，而是成就彼此
★寫給想擁有富有意義的工作，同時經營深厚而長久關係的伴侶們
「事業」與「愛情」兼顧的完勝計畫！
現在大部分的家庭都是雙薪家庭，在雙薪家庭裡的夫妻（或伴侶）雙方都知道，要努力撫養孩子並達成職涯目標的同時，還要關心並支持自己的另一半，似乎是不可能的任務。多數專家將雙薪家庭面臨的挑戰視為一場零和遊戲（其中一人獲益，另一個人犧牲），而本書作者珍妮佛‧彼崔格里利關注的卻是在漫長的一生中，雙方要如何一起克服他們所面臨的種種挑戰。她指出，每一對雙薪伴侶從共結連理到退休，會經歷三次轉變，每一次轉變都使他們面臨新的問題與挑戰，有待雙方一起探索，共同成長：
第一次轉變：蜜月期過後
挑戰：如何將兩人忙碌的生活（包含照顧年幼的孩子）融合在一起。
探索：我們該怎麼解決這個難題？
第二次轉變：中年危機
挑戰：夫妻設法克服中年危機、生活鉅變，邁向新的生活。
探索：我們真正想要的是什麼？
第三次轉變：空巢期
挑戰：孩子離巢，夫妻的職業發展趨緩或退休，未來充滿了不確定性。
探索：現在我們是怎樣的人？
想擁有成功的事業與圓滿的愛情並不容易，但這個目標是有可能實現的。《雙薪家庭進化論》以一個為期五年的研究計畫為基礎，書裡訪談了超過三十個國家、一百三十對雙薪夫妻生動而真實的故事、深刻的見解與有趣的練習，感性地呈現伴侶雙方如何以更深層的心理支持，達到相互理解，共同克服挑戰，攜手渡過每一個人生階段、成就彼此，並協助夫妻針對「如何成功地將愛情與事業融合在一起」這個迫切的問題，找出屬於自己的答案。
「我寫這本書的目的，是希望強調夫妻之間的共同點，並且提供一個能幫助所有人的方法。如果你和你的伴侶想要享受富有意義的工作，並經營深厚而長久的關係，這本書是寫給你們的。這世界上沒有所謂『完美』的雙薪夫妻，因為人生太複雜且不可預測。然而，事先了解自己將面臨的挑戰與轉變，以及其他夫妻都覺得有用的溝通協商、解決問題與相互支持的方法，不僅可以幫助你度過轉變，也能讓一切變得更圓滿。」──珍妮佛‧彼崔格里利（Jennifer Petriglieri），本書作者
★「雙薪家庭」研究結果摘要
當夫妻雙方都有工作時，他們會給予彼此的工作更大的尊重，使他們的感情變得更緊密。
當夫妻雙方在家庭裡都很活躍時，他們的孩子與他們之間的關係都將因此受益。
當父母親都陪孩子玩樂、教他們寫作業，全家人也會一起吃飯時，他們將擁有較高明的社交技巧，學業表現也會更為優異。
當夫妻雙方都為了家務貢獻相當的心力時，他們的感情將更加圓滿，不僅較少起衝突，性生活也較為頻繁。
收入大致相同且平均分攤家務的夫妻，離婚率比一般夫妻低了百分之四十八。
★寫給想擁有富有意義的工作，同時經營深厚而長久關係的伴侶們
「事業」與「愛情」兼顧的完勝計畫！
現在大部分的家庭都是雙薪家庭，在雙薪家庭裡的夫妻（或伴侶）雙方都知道，要努力撫養孩子並達成職涯目標的同時，還要關心並支持自己的另一半，似乎是不可能的任務。多數專家將雙薪家庭面臨的挑戰視為一場零和遊戲（其中一人獲益，另一個人犧牲），而本書作者珍妮佛‧彼崔格里利關注的卻是在漫長的一生中，雙方要如何一起克服他們所面臨的種種挑戰。她指出，每一對雙薪伴侶從共結連理到退休，會經歷三次轉變，每一次轉變都使他們面臨新的問題與挑戰，有待雙方一起探索，共同成長：
第一次轉變：蜜月期過後
挑戰：如何將兩人忙碌的生活（包含照顧年幼的孩子）融合在一起。
探索：我們該怎麼解決這個難題？
第二次轉變：中年危機
挑戰：夫妻設法克服中年危機、生活鉅變，邁向新的生活。
探索：我們真正想要的是什麼？
第三次轉變：空巢期
挑戰：孩子離巢，夫妻的職業發展趨緩或退休，未來充滿了不確定性。
探索：現在我們是怎樣的人？
想擁有成功的事業與圓滿的愛情並不容易，但這個目標是有可能實現的。《雙薪家庭進化論》以一個為期五年的研究計畫為基礎，書裡訪談了超過三十個國家、一百三十對雙薪夫妻生動而真實的故事、深刻的見解與有趣的練習，感性地呈現伴侶雙方如何以更深層的心理支持，達到相互理解，共同克服挑戰，攜手渡過每一個人生階段、成就彼此，並協助夫妻針對「如何成功地將愛情與事業融合在一起」這個迫切的問題，找出屬於自己的答案。
「我寫這本書的目的，是希望強調夫妻之間的共同點，並且提供一個能幫助所有人的方法。如果你和你的伴侶想要享受富有意義的工作，並經營深厚而長久的關係，這本書是寫給你們的。這世界上沒有所謂『完美』的雙薪夫妻，因為人生太複雜且不可預測。然而，事先了解自己將面臨的挑戰與轉變，以及其他夫妻都覺得有用的溝通協商、解決問題與相互支持的方法，不僅可以幫助你度過轉變，也能讓一切變得更圓滿。」──珍妮佛‧彼崔格里利（Jennifer Petriglieri），本書作者
★「雙薪家庭」研究結果摘要
當夫妻雙方都有工作時，他們會給予彼此的工作更大的尊重，使他們的感情變得更緊密。
當夫妻雙方在家庭裡都很活躍時，他們的孩子與他們之間的關係都將因此受益。
當父母親都陪孩子玩樂、教他們寫作業，全家人也會一起吃飯時，他們將擁有較高明的社交技巧，學業表現也會更為優異。
當夫妻雙方都為了家務貢獻相當的心力時，他們的感情將更加圓滿，不僅較少起衝突，性生活也較為頻繁。
收入大致相同且平均分攤家務的夫妻，離婚率比一般夫妻低了百分之四十八。
320 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2019
180 people are currently reading
2841 people want to read
About the author
Jennifer Petriglieri
4 books21 followersJennifer Petriglieri is an Assistant Professor of Organisational Behaviour at INSEAD, and the author of Couples That Work, a forthcoming book on how dual-career couples can thrive in love and in work.
Her award-winning research and teaching focus on identity, leadership, and career development. She is particularly interested in how people’s close relationships shape who they become professionally and personally, and how moments of uncertainty and crisis make us who we are.
Jennifer was shortlisted for the Thinkers50 New Thinker and Talent awards, and named one of the world’s best 40 business school professors under 40 by Poets & Quants.
Her research has appeared in the Administrative Science Quarterly, Academy of Management Review, Academy of Management Learning & Education, and the Journal of Organizational Change Management. It has also been featured in the Business Week and the Harvard Business Review.
Jennifer has long been involved in experiential leadership development initiatives for multinationals from a variety of industries. Her work in this domain pays particular attention to the interplay between individual’s life stories and group memberships and their decision-making and professional style in leadership roles. At INSEAD she directs the Management Acceleration Programme and the Women Leaders Programme, alongside numerous customised leadership programmes for multinationals.
A British citizen, Jennifer earned a PhD in Organisational Behaviour from INSEAD. She also holds an MBA from IMD, Switzerland, and a BSc in genetics from Nottingham University, UK. Prior to joining INSEAD, she was a Post-Doctoral Fellow of Organisational Behaviour at the Harvard Business School. Having lived and worked on three continents, she is now settled in France. She is terribly devoted to her husband Gianpiero and their two children. She finds joy in their dual-career life, in cooking, pottering in her garden and spending time in the mountains.
Her award-winning research and teaching focus on identity, leadership, and career development. She is particularly interested in how people’s close relationships shape who they become professionally and personally, and how moments of uncertainty and crisis make us who we are.
Jennifer was shortlisted for the Thinkers50 New Thinker and Talent awards, and named one of the world’s best 40 business school professors under 40 by Poets & Quants.
Her research has appeared in the Administrative Science Quarterly, Academy of Management Review, Academy of Management Learning & Education, and the Journal of Organizational Change Management. It has also been featured in the Business Week and the Harvard Business Review.
Jennifer has long been involved in experiential leadership development initiatives for multinationals from a variety of industries. Her work in this domain pays particular attention to the interplay between individual’s life stories and group memberships and their decision-making and professional style in leadership roles. At INSEAD she directs the Management Acceleration Programme and the Women Leaders Programme, alongside numerous customised leadership programmes for multinationals.
A British citizen, Jennifer earned a PhD in Organisational Behaviour from INSEAD. She also holds an MBA from IMD, Switzerland, and a BSc in genetics from Nottingham University, UK. Prior to joining INSEAD, she was a Post-Doctoral Fellow of Organisational Behaviour at the Harvard Business School. Having lived and worked on three continents, she is now settled in France. She is terribly devoted to her husband Gianpiero and their two children. She finds joy in their dual-career life, in cooking, pottering in her garden and spending time in the mountains.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 82 reviews
January 1, 2020
This book is based on the premise that life is composed of a series of transitions which professional couples need to navigate. Jennifer Petriglieri (Associate Professor of Organisational Behaviour at INSEAD) identifies three key work/life transitions which are triggered by some event which makes it difficult to continue travelling along the existing path. The three transitions:
Transition 1: Achieving Interdependence.
Summary: Typically in 20s and 30s: Triggered by events such as the need to move geographically, a promotion, losing a job, the arrival of a new baby, the need to care for aging parents, or family health issues. The question couples wrestle with during this transition is How can we make this work? This transition is about how couples move from having parallel independent careers and lives to having interdependent ones.
Traps to avoid:
Over-relying on economic decision criteria;
Overlooking the long-term consequences of decisions;
Over-focusing on practical challenges;
Trying to do too much.
Three Models for Interdependence:
Lead-parent model: one partner takes the lead-parent role and bears most of the child-care responsibilities.
Turn-taking lead-parent model: switching every three to five years.
Co-parenting model: partners split the lead-parent role.
Transition 2: Transitioning to a New Path.
Summary: Typically in 40s: Triggered by inner world existential questions and doubts about whose life we are really living. Questioning whether we chose a particular path earlier in life because of parental or societal expectations. The question couples wrestle with during this transition is What do we really want? This transition is about identifying and pursuing what each partner wants out of their careers, lives and relationships
Traps to avoid:
Mistrusting our partner’s explorations and becoming defensive;
Not mutually supporting each other’s developments;
How to resolve this transition
Renegotiate the division of career and family responsibilities that were established in the first transition;
Look to rebalance the roles that each partner plays in the other’s life;
A mutual secure base where each partner is the rock for each other is very important – an imbalance where one partner is able to support and the other can’t is a recipe for trouble;
Transition 3: Exploring New Horizons.
Summary: Typically in 50s and 60s: Triggered by role shifts that result in identity voids such as those caused children leaving home; or by becoming the most experienced workers in an organisation. These result in feelings of loss (of children, of youth), but also present an opportunity. The question couples wrestle with during this transition is How can we make this work? This transition is about filling the identity void left by the loss of significant roles that were established in the first two transitions.
Traps to Avoid
Getting caught up in “unfinished business” from the first two transitions;
Narrowing horizons and not considering emerging opportunities;
How to resolve this transition
Play with the idea of who you might become;
Reinvent yourself in a way that is grounded in past accomplishments whilst being open to future possibilities.
Tools
Couple Contracting (pp.32-37)
List your personal values, boundaries and fears;
Make choices openly and jointly.
Logistics Survival Strategies – How to tackle the division of responsibilities (pp.58-63)
List all your logistical tasks
Decide what you can simply stop doing (set lower standards?)
Decide which tasks you want to own – that are important to you to do;
Decide which tasks you can outsource (the ironing?)
Decide how to split the rest.
Career Mapping – Forecast the shapes of your careers to help decide a Career Prioritization Model (pp.82-85)
Focus on the next five years;
Do you have one or more specific career goals?
How ambitious are you?
What parental role would you prefer, if any?
What aspects of your relationship with your partner are important to you?
What other aspects of life are important to you?
Map the trajectories of both your careers?
Compare and discuss.
Transition 1: Achieving Interdependence.
Summary: Typically in 20s and 30s: Triggered by events such as the need to move geographically, a promotion, losing a job, the arrival of a new baby, the need to care for aging parents, or family health issues. The question couples wrestle with during this transition is How can we make this work? This transition is about how couples move from having parallel independent careers and lives to having interdependent ones.
Traps to avoid:
Over-relying on economic decision criteria;
Overlooking the long-term consequences of decisions;
Over-focusing on practical challenges;
Trying to do too much.
Three Models for Interdependence:
Lead-parent model: one partner takes the lead-parent role and bears most of the child-care responsibilities.
Turn-taking lead-parent model: switching every three to five years.
Co-parenting model: partners split the lead-parent role.
Transition 2: Transitioning to a New Path.
Summary: Typically in 40s: Triggered by inner world existential questions and doubts about whose life we are really living. Questioning whether we chose a particular path earlier in life because of parental or societal expectations. The question couples wrestle with during this transition is What do we really want? This transition is about identifying and pursuing what each partner wants out of their careers, lives and relationships
Traps to avoid:
Mistrusting our partner’s explorations and becoming defensive;
Not mutually supporting each other’s developments;
How to resolve this transition
Renegotiate the division of career and family responsibilities that were established in the first transition;
Look to rebalance the roles that each partner plays in the other’s life;
A mutual secure base where each partner is the rock for each other is very important – an imbalance where one partner is able to support and the other can’t is a recipe for trouble;
Transition 3: Exploring New Horizons.
Summary: Typically in 50s and 60s: Triggered by role shifts that result in identity voids such as those caused children leaving home; or by becoming the most experienced workers in an organisation. These result in feelings of loss (of children, of youth), but also present an opportunity. The question couples wrestle with during this transition is How can we make this work? This transition is about filling the identity void left by the loss of significant roles that were established in the first two transitions.
Traps to Avoid
Getting caught up in “unfinished business” from the first two transitions;
Narrowing horizons and not considering emerging opportunities;
How to resolve this transition
Play with the idea of who you might become;
Reinvent yourself in a way that is grounded in past accomplishments whilst being open to future possibilities.
Tools
Couple Contracting (pp.32-37)
List your personal values, boundaries and fears;
Make choices openly and jointly.
Logistics Survival Strategies – How to tackle the division of responsibilities (pp.58-63)
List all your logistical tasks
Decide what you can simply stop doing (set lower standards?)
Decide which tasks you want to own – that are important to you to do;
Decide which tasks you can outsource (the ironing?)
Decide how to split the rest.
Career Mapping – Forecast the shapes of your careers to help decide a Career Prioritization Model (pp.82-85)
Focus on the next five years;
Do you have one or more specific career goals?
How ambitious are you?
What parental role would you prefer, if any?
What aspects of your relationship with your partner are important to you?
What other aspects of life are important to you?
Map the trajectories of both your careers?
Compare and discuss.
July 11, 2021
This is written by an INSEAD professor, and is apparently one of the few books in the school’s bookstore that catches the passerby’s eye. This came recommended by a Russian couple.
Couples that Work examines at how romantic relationships can thrive alongside work, given that it’s common to see dual-couple relationships today. This book was partly cliche and partly insightful for me. I thought it was useful to look at the different models of careers (secondary-primary, turn-taking, double-parenting) and parenting. I also thought the 3 types of transitions was quite useful in anticipating the stages my partner and I will face in the future, as double-MBAs.
Some other bits of advice I distilled:
1/ It’s useful to have a growth-mindset rather than fixed-mindset in your relationship; that is, it’s okay to have issues in your relationship and to use them as avenues to help your relationship develop
2/ Think about your relationship as a positive-sum rather than zero-sum situation, where both parties make each other better, rather than see each other’s career move as a trade off to your own
3/ Do things for yourself and not as a performance for other people’s expectations to reduce the severity of a mid-life crisis in the future or the need for individuation away from your partner
4/ Don’t be so tied to your current identity; we will face different milestones in life and be open to exploration. Eg if your identity is tied to being a parent, what happens when the bird flies the coop?
Couples that Work examines at how romantic relationships can thrive alongside work, given that it’s common to see dual-couple relationships today. This book was partly cliche and partly insightful for me. I thought it was useful to look at the different models of careers (secondary-primary, turn-taking, double-parenting) and parenting. I also thought the 3 types of transitions was quite useful in anticipating the stages my partner and I will face in the future, as double-MBAs.
Some other bits of advice I distilled:
1/ It’s useful to have a growth-mindset rather than fixed-mindset in your relationship; that is, it’s okay to have issues in your relationship and to use them as avenues to help your relationship develop
2/ Think about your relationship as a positive-sum rather than zero-sum situation, where both parties make each other better, rather than see each other’s career move as a trade off to your own
3/ Do things for yourself and not as a performance for other people’s expectations to reduce the severity of a mid-life crisis in the future or the need for individuation away from your partner
4/ Don’t be so tied to your current identity; we will face different milestones in life and be open to exploration. Eg if your identity is tied to being a parent, what happens when the bird flies the coop?
May 20, 2020
Note I’m not a social scientist so I read this book as a “consumer” of the knowledge presented. And I have a feeling that this is how it was intended.
I am a planning person by nature. I think about what it’s like when me and my wife are 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, ...
How will we be living? Where? With whom? Will we be working? Studying? Teaching? Still playing volleyball? Going orienteering in the forest?
Then I think back on which questions should we ask ourselves today and which changes should we make so that we would have as many windows open as possible. To have some luxury of choice.
This book tells you about three milestones, “transitions” that couples make in their lives. Yes, three is a simplification, the elegance of how they are named in the book is somewhat dramatic and it’s all up to interpretation, but ...
... I did recognise a lot of the sitations (relevant to my age, of course). At some point, I read several pages od a case study of someone who had been going some of the exact same kind of thinking about their career as I have in the last couple of years.
So yes - there is a category of people who will find themselves in this book. I already know several people, who should definitely read it. But I won’t recommend it to them, because I don’t think this book works as a guidebook. It could be too painful for that.
Everyone who wants to make changes in their life as a person or a couple has to reach the correct state of mind for this. Otherwise, there will be a false start and one of you will be left at the starting line while the other blazes on. So blindly taking this book and following it may bring about a divorce or a hundred.
It’s not because of the book, but what it may remind people. About sacrifices they’ve made for careers of others. Unfinished business and ambitions. Yes - these should come out one day anyway. I’m not one to argue whether it’s better if it’s sooner or later.
It’s up to men and women to talk to each other about work and family. If work has meaning for them (and I hope it does), then this book may help put some of the related struggles into context.
I am a planning person by nature. I think about what it’s like when me and my wife are 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, ...
How will we be living? Where? With whom? Will we be working? Studying? Teaching? Still playing volleyball? Going orienteering in the forest?
Then I think back on which questions should we ask ourselves today and which changes should we make so that we would have as many windows open as possible. To have some luxury of choice.
This book tells you about three milestones, “transitions” that couples make in their lives. Yes, three is a simplification, the elegance of how they are named in the book is somewhat dramatic and it’s all up to interpretation, but ...
... I did recognise a lot of the sitations (relevant to my age, of course). At some point, I read several pages od a case study of someone who had been going some of the exact same kind of thinking about their career as I have in the last couple of years.
So yes - there is a category of people who will find themselves in this book. I already know several people, who should definitely read it. But I won’t recommend it to them, because I don’t think this book works as a guidebook. It could be too painful for that.
Everyone who wants to make changes in their life as a person or a couple has to reach the correct state of mind for this. Otherwise, there will be a false start and one of you will be left at the starting line while the other blazes on. So blindly taking this book and following it may bring about a divorce or a hundred.
It’s not because of the book, but what it may remind people. About sacrifices they’ve made for careers of others. Unfinished business and ambitions. Yes - these should come out one day anyway. I’m not one to argue whether it’s better if it’s sooner or later.
It’s up to men and women to talk to each other about work and family. If work has meaning for them (and I hope it does), then this book may help put some of the related struggles into context.
December 26, 2019
Earlier in the year I came across the new book Couples that Work by Jennifer Petriglieri. Being a working woman, the title caught my attention and I had high hopes for the book. Due to a variety of issues, I finally just managed to get a copy to read. And I my hopes were dashed. While well-researched and containing many interviews with working couples, Petriglieri takes a very transactional approach to the topic rather than a how-to approach. She has identified three transformations that working couples often experience and describes the various responses that might occur. For readers who are interested in research-based what-ifs, they will find the book helpful. If you are wanting a step=by-step manual of how to have a better dual-career marriage, you need to keep looking.
February 10, 2022
This might be the most useful marriage/relationship book that deals with dual career/responsibility sharing that I’ve ever read. Most other books in this genre are either really forced with an unreasonable amount of “extra work” required of the couple (usually the cis woman partner end up taking the lead) OR just impossible to implement unless both partner have a extremely balanced career/family load to begin with. This one, though, is more useful because the author does not believe the trajectory of one’s career/life to be static and therefore requires renegotiating (between couples) at each transition. The reframing of what work life balance looks like for a couple, as a cohesive unit, that can involve, was empowering for me. Highly recommended!
December 29, 2020
One of the most useful, practical books I have come across in a long time that is also well-written. After reading so many career books that talk about the life cycles of careers as if there is a one-size-fits-all trajectory, what I appreciated the most about Couples That Work was how many examples she gave of many different couples from all walks of life whose careers started at different points of their life. Highly recommend for anyone invested in their career, whether they are in a relationship at the moment or not.
December 27, 2021
While most of the advice I found could be distilled down to telling couples to have meaningful conversations about decisions, values and how they can structure their lives so as to build each other up, it also provided functional models which I think could be helpful to use for the process.
Additionally, it confirmed what I tend to think of as good relationships framed as positive sum, instead of zero sum models.
Overall an easy read, and could be useful throughout life to think about.
Additionally, it confirmed what I tend to think of as good relationships framed as positive sum, instead of zero sum models.
Overall an easy read, and could be useful throughout life to think about.
November 17, 2019
I would recommend this for all couples figuring out how to have a career and loving relationship. You know it’s a good book when you already put some practices in place before you finish :) I also enjoyed the many stories of the couples Jennifer interviewed during her research.
August 2, 2025
A must-read for anyone who is part of a dual career couple, especially as you navigate new career opportunities or transitions!
November 11, 2019
Highly recommend for career-driven couples who are worried about making their lives work together.
Armed with years of longitudinal research with real couples, Jennifer Petriglieri maps out three transitions in every relationship.
--
1. HOW CAN WE MAKE THIS WORK?
- In the first transition, couples move from parallel, independent careers to interdependent careers, often triggered by a big career move or a baby on the way.
2. WHAT DO WE REALLY WANT OUT OF LIFE?
- After settling into an effective rhythm, the couple may be shaken by midlife discontent. Each partner must identify their own unique interests, and the couple must determine together how to support one another in their pursuit(s).
3. WHO ARE WE NOW?
- As the empty nest and / or retirement approaches, couples shift their priorities in a new stage of life.
--
For each transition, Petriglieri details traps that can derail an otherwise happy couple; tools to navigate these difficult decisions; and thoughtful questions for further reflection. Since my boyfriend and I are in the early stages of our relationship, I took the author’s permission to skip the sections dedicated to late-in-life transitions, skimming the recaps at the end of each section instead.
In a nutshell, relationships thrive when we make informed decisions that reflect our values as a couple. Petriglieri’s exercise create opportunities to discuss options openly and explicitly with your partner.
I appreciate Couples That Work because compared to some similar titles that I've seen lately, Petriglieri assumes couples will want to work together vs. painting our partners as obstacles that stand in our way.
Armed with years of longitudinal research with real couples, Jennifer Petriglieri maps out three transitions in every relationship.
--
1. HOW CAN WE MAKE THIS WORK?
- In the first transition, couples move from parallel, independent careers to interdependent careers, often triggered by a big career move or a baby on the way.
2. WHAT DO WE REALLY WANT OUT OF LIFE?
- After settling into an effective rhythm, the couple may be shaken by midlife discontent. Each partner must identify their own unique interests, and the couple must determine together how to support one another in their pursuit(s).
3. WHO ARE WE NOW?
- As the empty nest and / or retirement approaches, couples shift their priorities in a new stage of life.
--
For each transition, Petriglieri details traps that can derail an otherwise happy couple; tools to navigate these difficult decisions; and thoughtful questions for further reflection. Since my boyfriend and I are in the early stages of our relationship, I took the author’s permission to skip the sections dedicated to late-in-life transitions, skimming the recaps at the end of each section instead.
In a nutshell, relationships thrive when we make informed decisions that reflect our values as a couple. Petriglieri’s exercise create opportunities to discuss options openly and explicitly with your partner.
I appreciate Couples That Work because compared to some similar titles that I've seen lately, Petriglieri assumes couples will want to work together vs. painting our partners as obstacles that stand in our way.
October 3, 2019
Shedding light on and providing solutions for an issue that keeps many women from advancement and the career they desire
Jennifer Petriglieri gives us a compilation of some honest conversations about how hard it is to not only balance but actually succeed in juggling work, family, kids and marriage - for men and women. Through six years of research, and interviews of over 100 dual career couples, this must-read book highlights key solutions to roadblocks to progress for women who work. Many of us know effective communication is key for a successful relationship, but this book gives us a framework and tools we can use now, no matter what life/career stage you are in. A couples contract? Yes! Thanks for the push. Reminding us to remain curious and proactive in our relationship? So important! When I am hard on myself as a mother I say I was a better parent before I had kids (the plan was 100% organic homemade meals, strict parenting, etc), I also believe that about my marriage and career (the plan was to communicate calmly, etc). In reality the fast-pace of life and frustrations kids can bring gets in the way of the best intentions, and this book reminds me to step back, check-in, communicate, and revisit and rework our plans so they work for making my marriage and my career work too.
Jennifer Petriglieri gives us a compilation of some honest conversations about how hard it is to not only balance but actually succeed in juggling work, family, kids and marriage - for men and women. Through six years of research, and interviews of over 100 dual career couples, this must-read book highlights key solutions to roadblocks to progress for women who work. Many of us know effective communication is key for a successful relationship, but this book gives us a framework and tools we can use now, no matter what life/career stage you are in. A couples contract? Yes! Thanks for the push. Reminding us to remain curious and proactive in our relationship? So important! When I am hard on myself as a mother I say I was a better parent before I had kids (the plan was 100% organic homemade meals, strict parenting, etc), I also believe that about my marriage and career (the plan was to communicate calmly, etc). In reality the fast-pace of life and frustrations kids can bring gets in the way of the best intentions, and this book reminds me to step back, check-in, communicate, and revisit and rework our plans so they work for making my marriage and my career work too.
August 6, 2020
This book proposed a very interesting hypothesis. It presented the three stages all dual-career couples would have to go through in their lives. I appreciated the 'traps' callouts for each stage, as well as the tips & tricks to navigate them successfully.
I remember thinking that the sampling volume used was quite low (only in the hundreds), and the study felt like it was in its infancy (it was). Having said that, the Appendix section did a good job explaining the research process. It explained that the research was meant to surface patterns and hypothesis, rather than to test them - I wish this was emphasised more at the start of the book, rather than just in an Appendix.
Regardless, I enjoyed reading this tremendously. It did give me a lot of new thinking points and fresh ideas. I hope the study will be continued over the years (even generations), as I think we will get a lot of insights from it. I will definitely be interested to read an updated version in the next 5, 10, 15 years.
Kudos to the cheeky double-meaning title: "Couples That Work"!
I remember thinking that the sampling volume used was quite low (only in the hundreds), and the study felt like it was in its infancy (it was). Having said that, the Appendix section did a good job explaining the research process. It explained that the research was meant to surface patterns and hypothesis, rather than to test them - I wish this was emphasised more at the start of the book, rather than just in an Appendix.
Regardless, I enjoyed reading this tremendously. It did give me a lot of new thinking points and fresh ideas. I hope the study will be continued over the years (even generations), as I think we will get a lot of insights from it. I will definitely be interested to read an updated version in the next 5, 10, 15 years.
Kudos to the cheeky double-meaning title: "Couples That Work"!
January 21, 2023
3 stages: 1) How can we make this work? 2)What do we really want? 3)Who are we now?
"People who can dedicate themselves fully to their careers in their twenties are what I call unbounded talent. They have few personal responsibilities or constraints like a mortgage, children, or elderly relatives that compete for their time or bind them to a specific location. Leveraging these young people's desire to establish their careers and their unboundedness, most organizations and bosses ply people at this life and career stage with opportunities to prove themselves. And because of their unboundedness at the stage, I found that they are likely to accept almost everything without pushing back" (26).
"Whatever trigger brings the honeymoon period to an end, it reveals the nature of a couple's first transition: accommodating not just to the new life that the event opens up, but to each other in a new way. That is, to move from having parallel, independent careers and lives to having interdependent ones. When couples have interdependent careers and lives, they mutually rely on each other to be successful and fulfilled" (31).
"Four weeks after Gianpiero and I got together, I boarded a plane for his hometown in Sicily. It was December 27- we had decided it was a little early for an extended family Christmas. I landed into a sunny day and was whisked away off to a nearby fishing village on the back of his old red Vespa. I'm not making this up. As we sat on a small cliff watching the waves, Gianpiero pulled out a notepad and two pens and said, "I really want to make this work." We had both had our fair share of failed relationships in the distant and very recent past. "So why don't we do this mindfully?" he added.
We spend the next few hours writing, then discussing, what we thought we wanted from our relationship, from each other, and from our life together. We also talked about our concerns for the future. It was powerful, insightful, and- people laugh when I say this- unexpectedly romantic. It was a conversation that grounded our beginning and one that we return to periodically. We still have the paper we wrote on" (33).
"For example, one of you cooks dinner on Monday through Thursday and the other on Friday and over the weekend. Whatever you pick, the key is clarity. Tensions almost always stem from a lack of clarity, rather than a lack of equity" (63).
"If the first transition requires owning one's choices, the second involves questioning those choices. And the more we own our choices, the harder questioning them is" (95).
"The mistake Carla made, and many others like her make, was to equate external change to a completed transition, to think that switching jobs was the sole answer to her questions. At their core, transitions are about our inner world. They require a new way of being in the world- a new approach to life, a new focus, and new priorities. For some people, this new way of being will lead to a new way of doing- a new career; a new interest; for some, even a new partner- but inner change must drive the outer one, lest the latter become a dramatic way to avoid the former" (101).
"Traditionally, liminality occurred between set roles and was marked by rites of passage. Adolescents would leave there tribe and be taken by elders to a physical liminal space to learn about their new identity as adults. Nowadays, when people enter the liminal world, they most often do so alone, without elders to guide their passage. When people enter liminality, they board a boat with no charts and no idea which direction they should sail. In writing their charts and steering the course they have chosen, people become their own selves. In liminality, we become open to exploration and reflection- the fuel for individualization. The explorations we conduct, combines with deep reflections, allow is to unpick our choices and behaviors, make sense of our past, and feel our way into a new future. This shift does not occur through immediate realizations, but through a series of graduate revelatios that together combine into a picture of what we really want and how we can go about getting it. It takes time" (103).
"Describing her attraction to Vikash, Avni said, "He saw me in a way that Sandeep could not. He seemed genuinely interested in my thoughts, my feelings, and in who I wanted to be. For the first time in a long time, I felt seen as a whole person."
Avni's desire to be seen as a whole person is one that many people share. In times of transition- when we often feel as though we're in pieces we cant yet fit together- this desire is even stronger. Being witnessed gives us an anchor amid the turmoil" (119).
"Avoid interfering. There is a fine line between taking an active interest in your partner's exploration and interefing in it. The best support you can give is to lovingly push your partner away from the safety of your relationship and then let them figure out their own path through exploration. Checking whether they have been to that networking event, spoken to that key contact, or read that great book are not helpful things to do. Likewise, resist the temptation to switch from listening mode to advice giving mode. In times of transition, most people crave a sounding board, not someone who tells them what to do. Finally, although your partner's exploratinos will make you feel anxious, putting pressure on them to quickly figure out a new path forward will help neither their process nor your relationship. Transitions need time to mature" (132).
Rainer Maria Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet" - ...have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.
"People who can dedicate themselves fully to their careers in their twenties are what I call unbounded talent. They have few personal responsibilities or constraints like a mortgage, children, or elderly relatives that compete for their time or bind them to a specific location. Leveraging these young people's desire to establish their careers and their unboundedness, most organizations and bosses ply people at this life and career stage with opportunities to prove themselves. And because of their unboundedness at the stage, I found that they are likely to accept almost everything without pushing back" (26).
"Whatever trigger brings the honeymoon period to an end, it reveals the nature of a couple's first transition: accommodating not just to the new life that the event opens up, but to each other in a new way. That is, to move from having parallel, independent careers and lives to having interdependent ones. When couples have interdependent careers and lives, they mutually rely on each other to be successful and fulfilled" (31).
"Four weeks after Gianpiero and I got together, I boarded a plane for his hometown in Sicily. It was December 27- we had decided it was a little early for an extended family Christmas. I landed into a sunny day and was whisked away off to a nearby fishing village on the back of his old red Vespa. I'm not making this up. As we sat on a small cliff watching the waves, Gianpiero pulled out a notepad and two pens and said, "I really want to make this work." We had both had our fair share of failed relationships in the distant and very recent past. "So why don't we do this mindfully?" he added.
We spend the next few hours writing, then discussing, what we thought we wanted from our relationship, from each other, and from our life together. We also talked about our concerns for the future. It was powerful, insightful, and- people laugh when I say this- unexpectedly romantic. It was a conversation that grounded our beginning and one that we return to periodically. We still have the paper we wrote on" (33).
"For example, one of you cooks dinner on Monday through Thursday and the other on Friday and over the weekend. Whatever you pick, the key is clarity. Tensions almost always stem from a lack of clarity, rather than a lack of equity" (63).
"If the first transition requires owning one's choices, the second involves questioning those choices. And the more we own our choices, the harder questioning them is" (95).
"The mistake Carla made, and many others like her make, was to equate external change to a completed transition, to think that switching jobs was the sole answer to her questions. At their core, transitions are about our inner world. They require a new way of being in the world- a new approach to life, a new focus, and new priorities. For some people, this new way of being will lead to a new way of doing- a new career; a new interest; for some, even a new partner- but inner change must drive the outer one, lest the latter become a dramatic way to avoid the former" (101).
"Traditionally, liminality occurred between set roles and was marked by rites of passage. Adolescents would leave there tribe and be taken by elders to a physical liminal space to learn about their new identity as adults. Nowadays, when people enter the liminal world, they most often do so alone, without elders to guide their passage. When people enter liminality, they board a boat with no charts and no idea which direction they should sail. In writing their charts and steering the course they have chosen, people become their own selves. In liminality, we become open to exploration and reflection- the fuel for individualization. The explorations we conduct, combines with deep reflections, allow is to unpick our choices and behaviors, make sense of our past, and feel our way into a new future. This shift does not occur through immediate realizations, but through a series of graduate revelatios that together combine into a picture of what we really want and how we can go about getting it. It takes time" (103).
"Describing her attraction to Vikash, Avni said, "He saw me in a way that Sandeep could not. He seemed genuinely interested in my thoughts, my feelings, and in who I wanted to be. For the first time in a long time, I felt seen as a whole person."
Avni's desire to be seen as a whole person is one that many people share. In times of transition- when we often feel as though we're in pieces we cant yet fit together- this desire is even stronger. Being witnessed gives us an anchor amid the turmoil" (119).
"Avoid interfering. There is a fine line between taking an active interest in your partner's exploration and interefing in it. The best support you can give is to lovingly push your partner away from the safety of your relationship and then let them figure out their own path through exploration. Checking whether they have been to that networking event, spoken to that key contact, or read that great book are not helpful things to do. Likewise, resist the temptation to switch from listening mode to advice giving mode. In times of transition, most people crave a sounding board, not someone who tells them what to do. Finally, although your partner's exploratinos will make you feel anxious, putting pressure on them to quickly figure out a new path forward will help neither their process nor your relationship. Transitions need time to mature" (132).
Rainer Maria Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet" - ...have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.
March 19, 2022
This is one of the most important books I have ever read. I did not read this because I have a troubled relationship, but more to be proactive and ensure I am doing what I can to ensure my relationship is successful and my wife and I both achieve our desired goals and no resentment builds.
The overarching theme of the book is communication, but this book describes so much more than just "talk to each other". Many couples studies seemed to "have it all" and often one of the people in the relationship felt everything was great but the other felt ignored in some way and resentment was building for a variety of reason.
Regardless of your situation I can't recommend this book enough. I really believe it can help everyone get the most out of their careers and relationships. Definitely 5 stars!
The overarching theme of the book is communication, but this book describes so much more than just "talk to each other". Many couples studies seemed to "have it all" and often one of the people in the relationship felt everything was great but the other felt ignored in some way and resentment was building for a variety of reason.
Regardless of your situation I can't recommend this book enough. I really believe it can help everyone get the most out of their careers and relationships. Definitely 5 stars!
December 31, 2020
Echte leestip voor alle stellen die samen een leven proberen op te bouwen en daarnaast werken. Hoe verlies je elkaar en jezelf niet uit het oog tijdens de vele uitdagingen en verplichtingen van het leven?
January 25, 2023
Good ideas and a book I might come back to later in life. Practical thinking and well defined transition states that every career couple faces.
June 18, 2024
I loved this book and think that all couples in the modern day should give it a read. It is jam packed with information about how to make a partnership work while considering how work/career can fit into the picture for couples. Petriglieri’s book is dense and packed with strategies, advice, research, and narrative. Don’t speed through it. Soak in the advice and resonate on it while reading.
I first encountered this book because I was looking for practical advice about how to best move in with my partner. We both felt like we were struggling to create a fair plan for the move, knowing that the move would be stressful for me since I would move countries and find a new job there. After trying across many conversations to come up with a solution, I began looking in different places for advice on how to best deal with this big question of “how can we make this work.” This book dives straight into this question.
The book is divided into 3 sections, one for each major transition once faces in their life of relationships and by extension, life. As a twenty-something year old, the first transition describes exactly the state my partner and I find ourselves in of figuring out how to go from the independent lives we have lived thus far to building a life together. The second transition focuses mainly on 30 to 40 year olds who are faced with the question of, “Is this what I want with my life? Am I who I want to be?” The last transition focuses on 50 and 60 year old who lose their significant roles they have held in their life such as parenting (after children become independent adults) and retirement.
This book was incredibly enlightening in the approach to explaining the modern world of having two couples who want to devote themselves to relationships and careers, rather than the traditional view where gender roles typically dictate who has the primary career and who doesn’t.
I first encountered this book because I was looking for practical advice about how to best move in with my partner. We both felt like we were struggling to create a fair plan for the move, knowing that the move would be stressful for me since I would move countries and find a new job there. After trying across many conversations to come up with a solution, I began looking in different places for advice on how to best deal with this big question of “how can we make this work.” This book dives straight into this question.
The book is divided into 3 sections, one for each major transition once faces in their life of relationships and by extension, life. As a twenty-something year old, the first transition describes exactly the state my partner and I find ourselves in of figuring out how to go from the independent lives we have lived thus far to building a life together. The second transition focuses mainly on 30 to 40 year olds who are faced with the question of, “Is this what I want with my life? Am I who I want to be?” The last transition focuses on 50 and 60 year old who lose their significant roles they have held in their life such as parenting (after children become independent adults) and retirement.
This book was incredibly enlightening in the approach to explaining the modern world of having two couples who want to devote themselves to relationships and careers, rather than the traditional view where gender roles typically dictate who has the primary career and who doesn’t.
January 20, 2020
Most couples, around 65%, in the modern era are ‘dual-career’ couples, and that figure continues to grow. The world is an increasingly expensive place, making economics a key reason for this upward global trend. However, as Petriglieri explains, economics is only part of the picture; egalitarianism is playing a role, with both men and women changing how they define meaning in their lives.
Research on couples, conducted by the author, has led her to believe that we pass through a distinct set of transitions on our route from work to retirement. These transitions, of which there are three, push couples to deal with their relationship through negotiation and prioritisation.
Through case studies, the reader is taken on an exploration of what can help dual-career couples maintain a healthy, successful relationship, whilst dealing with the rigours of a career. By looking at transition stages, triggers, coping mechanisms, conflicts and traps, Petriglieri has produced a quasi-self-help book, which provides genuine, evidence-based advice for the modern couple.
Although no self-help book is right for everyone, this particular example looks at couples as a unit rather than individuals striving for success by themselves. It eschews lowbrow spiritual advice, which has become so popular, in favour of anecdotal and tangible examples based in the real world. For that reason, it is worth reading if you are one half of a couple struggling to navigate your way through a busy modern life, balancing home and office.
Research on couples, conducted by the author, has led her to believe that we pass through a distinct set of transitions on our route from work to retirement. These transitions, of which there are three, push couples to deal with their relationship through negotiation and prioritisation.
Through case studies, the reader is taken on an exploration of what can help dual-career couples maintain a healthy, successful relationship, whilst dealing with the rigours of a career. By looking at transition stages, triggers, coping mechanisms, conflicts and traps, Petriglieri has produced a quasi-self-help book, which provides genuine, evidence-based advice for the modern couple.
Although no self-help book is right for everyone, this particular example looks at couples as a unit rather than individuals striving for success by themselves. It eschews lowbrow spiritual advice, which has become so popular, in favour of anecdotal and tangible examples based in the real world. For that reason, it is worth reading if you are one half of a couple struggling to navigate your way through a busy modern life, balancing home and office.
October 16, 2019
Couples That Work
By Jennifer Petriglieri
Professor Jennifer Petriglieri conducted a five year study on couples from all over the world and this book is based on how couples who both have careers don't have to neglect them in order to have thriving relationships. You can have both at the same time and neither one has to suffer because you're focused on both. She took couples ranging from just getting into the work force at twenty to those still going strong at sixty.
Professor Petriglieri took a good cross section of couples who both wanted successful careers and thriving personal relationships. From the United States to Europe and from the Middle East to Asia these dual working couples were both heterosexual to same sex marriages. She provides exercises
with questions and basically narrows it down to three developmental tasks.
With this interesting narrative she has proven that you don't need to let your love lives suffer nor your successful careers. You can both flourish and thrive at both at the same time.
Thank you to Net Galley, Jennifer Petriglieri and the Publisher for providing me with my ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own.
By Jennifer Petriglieri
Professor Jennifer Petriglieri conducted a five year study on couples from all over the world and this book is based on how couples who both have careers don't have to neglect them in order to have thriving relationships. You can have both at the same time and neither one has to suffer because you're focused on both. She took couples ranging from just getting into the work force at twenty to those still going strong at sixty.
Professor Petriglieri took a good cross section of couples who both wanted successful careers and thriving personal relationships. From the United States to Europe and from the Middle East to Asia these dual working couples were both heterosexual to same sex marriages. She provides exercises
with questions and basically narrows it down to three developmental tasks.
With this interesting narrative she has proven that you don't need to let your love lives suffer nor your successful careers. You can both flourish and thrive at both at the same time.
Thank you to Net Galley, Jennifer Petriglieri and the Publisher for providing me with my ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own.
January 9, 2025
The book is divided into three sections, each addressing one of the key transitions that dual career couples typically experience.
Drawing on insights from over 100 couples she has interviewed throughout her career, Jennifer Petriglieri identifies the common success factors (and pitfalls) of building a happy, fulfilling life together. The book is filled with actionable advice, as well as thought-provoking exercises and discussion prompts designed for couples to work through together.
The first section resonated with me the most, offering plenty of food for thought. This is partly because it aligns closely with the stage of life I’m currently in, and partly because the advice in this section feels particularly innovative and practical compared to the others.
The second section felt somewhat lengthy in places, while the third provided retrospective insights from couples, which could be useful to reflect on early in a relationship.
Overall, I believe skimming through this book and discussing its ideas with your partner offers valuable guidance for dual career couples who are striving to live a life outside the traditional primary caretaker/primary breadwinner model.
Drawing on insights from over 100 couples she has interviewed throughout her career, Jennifer Petriglieri identifies the common success factors (and pitfalls) of building a happy, fulfilling life together. The book is filled with actionable advice, as well as thought-provoking exercises and discussion prompts designed for couples to work through together.
The first section resonated with me the most, offering plenty of food for thought. This is partly because it aligns closely with the stage of life I’m currently in, and partly because the advice in this section feels particularly innovative and practical compared to the others.
The second section felt somewhat lengthy in places, while the third provided retrospective insights from couples, which could be useful to reflect on early in a relationship.
Overall, I believe skimming through this book and discussing its ideas with your partner offers valuable guidance for dual career couples who are striving to live a life outside the traditional primary caretaker/primary breadwinner model.
January 3, 2022
Heteronormative, child-focused, repetitively surface level.
At it’s best, it gives statistics, numbers, and applicable methodology for readers crossing their own transitions.
However, the book ceases to do this after the first few chapters, and never goes beyond repeating that “communicating how you truly think and feel on the inside during life transitions is crucial” or
“Being honest and open with your partner about what your boundaries, dreams, and preferences are BEFORE arriving at a pressure point is important”.
I wish the book explored relationships in a broader lens of dual earner couples, each at different stages of life. Almost all examples were people thrust into parenthood by accidentally having a child, and forced to actually observe their surroundings and communicate or separate.
At it’s best, it gives statistics, numbers, and applicable methodology for readers crossing their own transitions.
However, the book ceases to do this after the first few chapters, and never goes beyond repeating that “communicating how you truly think and feel on the inside during life transitions is crucial” or
“Being honest and open with your partner about what your boundaries, dreams, and preferences are BEFORE arriving at a pressure point is important”.
I wish the book explored relationships in a broader lens of dual earner couples, each at different stages of life. Almost all examples were people thrust into parenthood by accidentally having a child, and forced to actually observe their surroundings and communicate or separate.
August 1, 2023
The value of this book isn't in any very productive advice it gives. (Summary: communicate, be supportive, try to understand then be understood.)
It's more that she's defining stages and giving a name to them, saying "this is normal, this is the bad way out, this is the good way out."
Arguably, her second stage is the classic "midlife crisis" repackaged so that women can have them too, and a sports car is not the solution.
The downsides of this book are:
(1) she's defining three stages at different ages of life (often decades apart) and most people really just need to hear about the one they're in. In fact, I barely bothered to read stage three. I have a decade-and-a-half before I'm empty nesting.
(2) the takeaway is pretty vague. It's more a bracing feeling than tips and tricks.
It's more that she's defining stages and giving a name to them, saying "this is normal, this is the bad way out, this is the good way out."
Arguably, her second stage is the classic "midlife crisis" repackaged so that women can have them too, and a sports car is not the solution.
The downsides of this book are:
(1) she's defining three stages at different ages of life (often decades apart) and most people really just need to hear about the one they're in. In fact, I barely bothered to read stage three. I have a decade-and-a-half before I'm empty nesting.
(2) the takeaway is pretty vague. It's more a bracing feeling than tips and tricks.
July 6, 2025
"Dual-career couples can thrive — not by copying others, but by staying in conversation, co-creating their path, and choosing each other again and again."
This book was educating and thoughtfully built, especially for someone like me in the early stage of a dual-career relationship. Petriglieri outlines three major transitions all couples face, and even though I’m still in the first, I found her frameworks incredibly helpful.
The distinction between different career models (like double-primary, which I relate to) gave me language for my experience. I also appreciated her focus on values, limits, and fears — the deeper conversations that often go unspoken.
The book’s message that couples thrive by co-creating their own path and choosing each other again and again really resonated with me. It’s not just a practical guide — it’s an invitation to be intentional.
This book was educating and thoughtfully built, especially for someone like me in the early stage of a dual-career relationship. Petriglieri outlines three major transitions all couples face, and even though I’m still in the first, I found her frameworks incredibly helpful.
The distinction between different career models (like double-primary, which I relate to) gave me language for my experience. I also appreciated her focus on values, limits, and fears — the deeper conversations that often go unspoken.
The book’s message that couples thrive by co-creating their own path and choosing each other again and again really resonated with me. It’s not just a practical guide — it’s an invitation to be intentional.
January 19, 2020
Jennifer Petriglieri divides dual career couple's lives into three distinction transitions: the first transition when they unite their lives and careers, the second transition when they begin to question the next step, and the third transition as they look towards the end of their careers. Each of these transitions, if not navigated well can end a relationship. Petriglieri interviewed couples from around the world and included many of their stories in this book. She narrates the book as well. My only complaint was that while many stories were begun, not all were resolved before she introduced a new couple. Sometimes she circled back to finish their stories, but sometimes not. Otherwise a great book on a subject that is not often written about.
December 31, 2020
I read this book with intention to publish a book review that pontificated also about how “dual-career couples” affect clergy and their relationships given changing notions of the “clergy spouse” but the medium in which I was seeking to publish would not cone to agreement with me so I withdrew it and I since haven’t been able to find an outlet to approach.
Interesting book that correctly talks about how changes in one spouse’s career trajectory can negatively affect the other’s, and how more needs to be done to support both members of the marriage. (especially true for clergy spouse relationships)
An excerpt of the book was published in Harvard Business Review.
The book is helpful and worth engaging.
Interesting book that correctly talks about how changes in one spouse’s career trajectory can negatively affect the other’s, and how more needs to be done to support both members of the marriage. (especially true for clergy spouse relationships)
An excerpt of the book was published in Harvard Business Review.
The book is helpful and worth engaging.
January 11, 2020
I first heard about this book because the author was interviewed on the podcast Professional AF. My fiance and I are always balancing our careers and ambitions so I knew this was a perfect book for me. While the author gives some guidance, this is not a how-to guide (but if someone wrote a how to guide based on the findings of this book, I would love to read it). She does give some tools, such as a couples contract to discuss values, boundaries, and fears. The author shares the pitfalls of each transition and gives examples of couples who struggled and couples who overcame these pitfalls. It's definitely a good book to read for any professional couple!
September 27, 2023
Definitely an impactful read for anyone approaching or considering life in a dual career couple. Petriglieri does a great job of interspersing advice and frameworks with real life examples which make the book readable, memorable and easy to digest. Definitely something I would refer back to as I move through each of the three transitions described. Was useful to consider the transitions, pitfalls and frameworks even as I'm fairly far away from hitting the first transition. It's nice to feel prepared (a little) for what's ahead but I think it'd be very helpful for couples who are in transition as they navigate two careers.
December 29, 2020
One of the most useful, practical books I have come across in a long time that is also well-written. After reading so many career books that talk about the life cycles of careers as if there is a one-size-fits-all trajectory, what I appreciated the most about Couples That Work was how many examples she gave of many different couples from all walks of life whose careers started at different points of their life. Highly recommend for anyone invested in their career, whether they are in a relationship at the moment or not.
October 20, 2022
I picked up this book after telling my MFT supervisor that me and my boyfriend are trying to do long distance post-graduation. He said "Before you do anything else, READ THIS!!" And so I did. This is a book I can see myself returning to as I trek each "transition " through my career and relationship and woukd definitely recommend it to anybody trying to have it all. I will say, it was more difficult to get through the latter 2/3 sections about shifting roles and empty nests and such as that is a millennium away for me, but I found it interesting intellectually still.
October 1, 2019
This book was a Best of the Best for the month of October, 2019, as selected by Stevo's Book Reviews on the Internet / Stevo's Nobel Ideas. You can find me at http://forums.delphiforums.com/stevo1, on my Stevo's Novel Ideas Amazon Influencer page (https://www.amazon.com/shop/stevo4747), on Twitter (https://twitter.com/Stevo4747), on LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/brocksteve/) or search for me on Google for many more reviews and recommendations.
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