Uprooted

by Esti Skloot

When pregnant Esther―a young, adventurous, British-born Israeli―follows her new husband, Steve, to America, she has no idea what she’s getting herself into.

Even before their baby is born, Esther discovers the dark side of her charming film production manager husband, and learns that she must cope with his moodiness and domineering personality. Left alone day after day in a high-rise apartment in Queens, Esther struggles with culture shock, homesickness, and adapting her husband’s whims―like the baby goat he brings home to their eighth-floor apartment to keep as a pet.

Ten years and two more children later, thirty-four-year-old Steve is diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. Despite aggressive treatments, he succumbs to the disease, leaving Esther to care for their three children alone, Esther at first feels lost and bewildered; as time goes on, however, she discovers that there is a freedom in her new situation―and that she has a greater inner strength than she ever before realized.

272 pages, Paperback

First published August 20, 2019

Reviews

[Abby Newman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a fascinating memoir. Esti, at the beginning a 25-year-old woman born in England and living in Israel, meets an American (Steve) on a ship sailing from New York to Haifa. Esti is an entertainment officer on the ship and Steve is headed to Israel to work on a kibbutz. Soon after their arrival in Israel, a romance blooms; and their courtship and marriage eventually take the Skloots to the United States, first in New York and later in northern California. Esti's tale of their marriage, through the birth of their three children and punctuated by Steve's increasingly angry, controlling and abusive behavior, is a compelling one.

In the United States, Esti is far from her entire Israeli family, and adjusting to a cramped apartment in Queens is extremely hard; but Esti tells her story with a humor and determination, and with every move - from New York to London to California to Israel back to California - she faces every disruption, every difficult move with three kids in tow, every outburst from Steve, with a positive attitude. As the years go by, though, her awareness of her husband's mercurial character grows, and her marriage becomes more and more difficult to abide. But when Steve becomes seriously ill, Esti's character is tested in totally new ways.

This is the story of a young and fairly naive woman growing into the roles of wife, mother, and friend while navigating the turbulent waters of an increasingly abusive marriage and later, dealing with her husband's brain cancer. Her fierce love for her children and determination to create a stable life for them, even in the face of near-constant disruption and her husband's hair-trigger personality, is what drives her and ultimately enables her to overcome. I highly recommend Esti's unique story.

[John R · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved Uprooted. It’s the story of Esther (“Esti”), her challenging marriage to Steve, the birth of their children, their abrupt moves back and forth across the Atlantic, and Steve’s eventual death from cancer. Although it’s “fact” and not fiction, the story pulls you along as does a good novel. Esti is a highly intelligent woman who feels deeply the unfairness of her inequality in a man’s world. As she grew up Esti was constantly repelled by the way her domineering German Jewish father treated her submissive mother (and her as well). But despite her best intentions to be different, Esti finds herself all too often falling into her mother’s habits of obedience and passivity. And she anguishes over her many little (and large) defeats. Esti feels her subjection keenly and describes it beautifully. As the years pass and Steve develops cancer while only in his Thirties, Esti and he find a measure of peace and reconciliation. He dies years later wasting away after all possible medical treatments have failed. Throughout Esti treats her dying husband with love and dignity. The ending is quite moving.

[Molly Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautiful story about a strong Israeli woman and her marriage to a difficult and creative New Yorker. (possible spoiler coming...) He dies at a young age, leaving the author with a son in college and two children to raise. Skloot writes beautifully and at a level of detail that is extraordinary. She shares her heartfelt feelings honestly and fully, leaving us to wonder at her ability to survive and triumph. A very quick read.

[Judith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Blooming Through Trauma

The cover: a rose, richly red. It is inside a jar, the lid tightly closed. The jar is part of a stack of identical jars. The rose has no stem, no leaves, no roots, soil, or water. But it glows with life. This image promises hope for the memoirist of Uprooted to the reader. And the reward finally comes, but not before telling the story of a life that reveals generations of trauma, submission, and loss, told in the innocent voice that gradually comes to understand her inheritance: “It was my lot, since the beginning of time.” Read this book with hope and compassion and you will be rewarded.
Judith Berlowitz, author, Home So Far Away

[Pookie Sekmet · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author captures place well and has a strong and believable voice. I very much appreciated the sensitive treatment of the position of women inside Israeli society during the 1970's. The book captures the hope and uplifting fervor of the early years of the Jewish state, before the country became so ethically compromised by its actions over recent decades. Even as the author questions the lower status of women, she is deeply respectful about the moral underpinnings of the Jewish faith and the Israeli state. The author traveled back and forth between Israel, England, and the U.S. extensively during the time covered by this memoir and with a light touch, the author gives acute and perceptive observations about the patriarchal nature of her birth family, her family with her husband, and the societies in which she spent time. The book is beautifully written in a straightforward and honest style. For me, there were some unanswered questions, like how her family was financially able to travel and move so often when her husband's work was so irregular. And I wanted to know more about her years of recovery after her great loss - this time in her life got short shrift. But I deeply appreciated the insights into her habitual and trained submission to the (crabby) male voice - let this be a lesson to all of us not to accept that kind of behavior! Thanks for a wonderful read.

[Vincent Brook]

This is a fascinating, moving, and beautifully written saga of the marriage between a German-British-Israeli-Jewish woman and an American Jewish man who meet and wed in Israel, but spend most of their married lives in New York City and Mill Valley, California. Their marriage is a rocky one, given her talented husband’s drawn-out quest to become a film director, leaving Esti, gifted in her own right, in the lurch for long periods to raise their two children. Esti’s frustration is ultimately her own doing, however, given her inability to break the cycle of subservience borne of her mother’s long-suffering submissiveness toward Esti’s overbearing father. The book’s feminist twist comes when her husband becomes seriously ill. This initially, if more justifiably, only reinforces Esti’s subservience, but it ends with a psychological breakthrough for her and emotional satisfaction for the reader.

[Jennifer Ballard aka.Yonnah Ben Levy]

I was entranced reading straight through this book over a two day period! The issues Esti deals with our close to my heart as I have dual citizenship in Israel as well as the United States. I too have struggled to maintain my relationships in both parts of the world and empathize with her. Besides I am the same age as her sister so we have all been dealing with women’s issues which Esti bravely takes on in this book. She writes honestly and clearly which leaves me breathless and inspired! Her sister is a dear friend and Both continue to be a blessing in my life!

[Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book compelling. Here is a strong woman who survives many challenging episodes in her life yet finds herself holding back some anger at her lack of choice about things at times. Her writing is clear, openhearted, honest and gives a perspective on a life where the marriage is of two different cultures making sense of the world. Both the author and her husband love each other and this seems to be the overarching reason that life works out for them and their family in the way it does.

[April · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can tell when I enjoy a book because I keep wanting to turn the page and find out what happens next. I felt this way while reading Uprooted: A Memoir of a Marriage. I personally know Esti and met her a few years ago now, and I'm familiar with her in her current life, so it was fascinating for me to learn about her story, her history, and the events of her life during her first marriage. She tells the stories well, with details and emotions that pulled me into the situations and scenes. Even through challenging times in her relationship and marriage, Esti figured it out for herself.

I appreciated hearing how Esti's relationship with Steve started and how things unfolded that led to a quick marriage and the move to NY. I enjoyed all the details she shared throughout about how she learned to cope with things and carried forward through all of the challenges that came her way from Steve’s decisions and personality. Even though her relationship was difficult at many times, her love for him shines through. I know that all relationships take work and effort, and some take more than others, which it sounded like hers and Steve’s did. I was sorry it was so hard for her during his sickness, especially towards and at the end. And I know she endured a lot of demands and antics from him. Sometimes while I was reading, I wished she would have chosen to stand up to him more. But I also understand why she made her decisions. I’m grateful that she told her story during those years exactly the way she told it. I was enthralled by her storytelling and kept wanting to turn the page to see what would happen next.

Thank you, Esti, for sharing your story so openly! It’s special to have gotten to know you first and then to read this story. I have a better sense of you as a person and admire how you made it through what you’ve been through!

“The ceremony didn’t mean much to me; getting married wasn’t something I had planned or looked forward to. I felt as if I were role-playing, going through the motions.” pg. 44

[Kate Sheridan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oh dear, am I the only reader to tire of the author's lack of introspection? It seems she does nothing but complain about her hapless husband, her anger towards him palpable in every chapter. I found myself wondering why he was to blame for her every unhappiness, and why she stayed with him, (and he with her). Even his dying fuels her resentment.
I get it that it was a different time, and women were expected to be passive and pliable. But the author takes no responsibility for her part in this dynamic, which feels disingenuous. I read the book eagerly, hoping for some sort of epiphany to arrive, for the author to come to some understanding of the ways in which the gender roles were a disservice to BOTH sexes. Alas, it seemed she was so busy reveling in her victimhood that she was unable to harvest its lessons. Another "poor me" book.....

[Esther Erman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Uprooted is a great name for Esti Skloot’s memoir of her first marriage, for she crosses the globe numerous times with her husband and their growing family in their search for the best place for them to live. Their relationship coming from what might have been a casual encounter, Esti’s pregnancy is the catalyst that starts them as a family.

Esti writes with honesty and clarity of the ups and downs of her marriage with Steve, which becomes tragic when he falls ill with brain cancer at a very young age and dies. Death is the ultimate uprootedness. At first numb, Esti and her children get in touch with their emotions and their tears. Steve is always with them in the best possible way as they move beyond his death to live their lives. Inspiring!

[Elly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Uprooted is a moving, powerful, at times heart-wrenching and yet, ultimately, uplifting and inspirational story of marriage, family, living in Israel and blossoming from adversity. Esti’s descriptions of her experiences are emotionally rich, vivid and honest. This is a courageous and beautiful memoir of her first marriage, raising children and immigration from Israel to the United States. Many tears, but your heart will be uplifted.

[Srianthi Perera · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heartfelt and evocative narrative that keeps the reader engrossed to the end. Skloot has a wonderful memory that helps her recall the details of the many positive and negative happenings that make up life.
She also has a writing style that is very clean and clearly enunciated. It is a gift.

I must mention that it was good to meet the author recently. I found companionship in her company and in reading her book!
I recommended it whole-heartedly.

[Tammie Grant · Rating 5 out of 5]

Esti’s book is a sweet narrative of her long journey as a young woman coming to terms with herself and what life offers. Her struggles are transparent and her emotions are often raw seeming unprocessed (no where to go) yet there’s a feeling of renewal as the book ebbs and flows to its end. I find her story enthralling and courageous in the vulnerability of the author’s voice.

[Mary Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Memoir of a Marriage: Uprooted

Esti Skloot



This richly imaged, poignant memoir, is well worth reading. The writer deals with the challenges of shifting cultures, languages, and countries in New York, England, Israel and California. She describes the isolation of being a young mother, trying to find coping mechanisms with a domineering husband.
It is about a woman finding herself and growing. She learns to stand up for herself, deal with uncertainty, financial issues—all while raising three children.
The final pages deal with her husband’s lengthy treatment for brain cancer and his ultimate death at age 42.
While the story is often sad, she always manages to see a positive side in any situation.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

A complicated, multilayered tribute to a difficult man and a challenging marriage full of love and sacrifice.

[marjorie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A well written account of one woman’s journey in a world where women were best seen and not heard. The author leads you on a journey through continents, and eras. She keeps you enthralled all the way, with her descriptive and heartfelt writing. An amazing first book.