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Sex and the City of God: A Memoir of Love and Longing
When Carolyn Weber moved to Oxford University to study, she didn't expect to find God there. But she did. As she grappled with her newest and most important relationship, she also found that there was another to think bigger about love. In this book we follow Weber through courtship and into marriage and parenthood. Now a literature professor, Weber reflects on her relationship with a sometimes-absent father and how that has shaped her. Through her personal story, as well as spiritual, theological, and literary reflection, Sex and the City of God explores what life looks like when we choose to love God first.
224 pages, Paperback
Published August 25, 2020
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1138 people want to read
About the author
Carolyn Weber
19 books502 followersHi I'm Carolyn. I taught literature to undergrads for 15 years, but resigned my tenured position in a ginormous
LEAP WITH FAITH
(blogpost). When I am not enjoying time with husband and 4 spirited children under 8, I enjoy reading and writing. My previous (even bigger) "leap to faith" is detailed in my book
SURPRISED BY OXFORD
. You can download a FREE PDF of Ch.1
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 156 reviews
June 7, 2020
I picked up this book because I was, admittedly, intrigued by the title and then the description. It was exactly the book I needed to read. After having consumed entirely too many romance novels lately, I felt the Holy Spirit showing me I have some recalibration to do. In Sex and the City of God, Carolyn Weber frequently recalibrates as she seeks to love Jesus more and to live a life of love and obedience, often referencing St. Augustine's "City of God." I'd point anyone to this book who is questioning the self-centered, short-sighted views of love and sex that permeate our culture and who wants to understand a deeper, better way (single or married), explained in a very approachable, heartfelt, non-preachy way.
Weber didn't immediately launch into talk of romantic love as I expected, but I was immediately drawn into how she articulated her ideas and told her story. It was warm and inviting, intelligent and relatable. Plus, she is a literature professor who loves Jesus! My kind of person. As she works her way into her story, there are glimpses of her coming to faith while at Oxford (a whole other book of hers which is now on my to-read list), but the book mostly focuses on her early years of being a Christian, figuring out what that means for her, and then growing in that. As she matures in her faith, she begins to reorder her loves and priorities to put God ahead of her desires, and spoiler alert, begins to find it is the better way. In the realm of romantic love, that means crucifying some old ways and thought patterns.
I really appreciated how honest Weber is, especially as she talks about the temptation to follow the natural inclination to act on attractions and later tough times in her relationship with her husband. Weber explores what it really means to love God and how God has created love and marriage as a foretaste of and preparation for eternity. It's not the rom-com view of wuv, but a much deeper, realistic, hopeful, and long-term perspective on love and sex, one that is not compatible with the zeitgeist. Sometimes books like this can seem all packaged and trite and holier than thou. This book never was.
One thing I did want was more detail about Weber's father — his struggles with mental illness and ultimate conversion and then reconciliation with her, as that was mentioned frequently but not explored as fully as it might have been, though perhaps out of respect for her family...or maybe that's for another book.
A received an advanced copy of this book from Net Galley and Intervarsity Press in exchange for an honest review.
Weber didn't immediately launch into talk of romantic love as I expected, but I was immediately drawn into how she articulated her ideas and told her story. It was warm and inviting, intelligent and relatable. Plus, she is a literature professor who loves Jesus! My kind of person. As she works her way into her story, there are glimpses of her coming to faith while at Oxford (a whole other book of hers which is now on my to-read list), but the book mostly focuses on her early years of being a Christian, figuring out what that means for her, and then growing in that. As she matures in her faith, she begins to reorder her loves and priorities to put God ahead of her desires, and spoiler alert, begins to find it is the better way. In the realm of romantic love, that means crucifying some old ways and thought patterns.
I really appreciated how honest Weber is, especially as she talks about the temptation to follow the natural inclination to act on attractions and later tough times in her relationship with her husband. Weber explores what it really means to love God and how God has created love and marriage as a foretaste of and preparation for eternity. It's not the rom-com view of wuv, but a much deeper, realistic, hopeful, and long-term perspective on love and sex, one that is not compatible with the zeitgeist. Sometimes books like this can seem all packaged and trite and holier than thou. This book never was.
One thing I did want was more detail about Weber's father — his struggles with mental illness and ultimate conversion and then reconciliation with her, as that was mentioned frequently but not explored as fully as it might have been, though perhaps out of respect for her family...or maybe that's for another book.
A received an advanced copy of this book from Net Galley and Intervarsity Press in exchange for an honest review.
August 6, 2020
This is a worthy sequel to “Surprised by Oxford”. Like the author’s first book, I loved this one, although there is nothing about the style of the book that I would have expected would appeal to me. The target audience (based on the early reviews) is female, and I am male. The author loves literature, while I am mostly ignorant of that subject as I teach and love Physics. The genre of the book is likely romance, and I hate romances, choosing to stick with (friendly topics, such as) history, science, theology, and apologetics. Yet, I found it hard to put down and more often then not had tears in my eyes (making it hard to read). I think what makes Weber’s writing so endearing to me, is a mixture of the brutal honesty coupled with the correct focus – God. So, while the love story is surprisingly (for me) captivating, it is the love story with Jesus that is enthralling. This is especially the case as the author weaves in the deeper theological implications of God’s love, which are by far the most important for a life of joy.
Thank you, Carolyn for the beautiful book. I have already purchased two, with more to give away.
Thank you, Carolyn for the beautiful book. I have already purchased two, with more to give away.
January 3, 2022
Ditto ShellbyJo's review. And also now I really need to re-read Surprised by Oxford.
This is a beautiful, brief, melodic memoir about eros and agape at play in the Christian's walk. While chock-full of literary allusions, it relies less on the lure of faith and academia and more on, well, love and longing.
Some moments hit really hard; others less so but still provide interesting glimpses into her life as a baby Christian. Her love story is adorable but also mixed with hard doses of reality. Marriage did not erase her struggles and insecurities...or her husband's. She's vulnerable with her pain. But you see her exploring it all through the lens of grace as she seeks to put God first in the good and the bad.
And it isn't just her love story. Here you also see her relationship with her friends, her family, and her children. You see love manifested in a variety of ways, all pointing her a little bit closer to her Heavenly Father. The seemingly unconnected stories of ex-boyfriends, childhood birthday parties, and hillside picnics all weave together in a beautiful pattern by the end.
It didn't hit me as profoundly as her first memoir, perhaps because she writes about issues that just don't impact me the same way her first one did. But I still found this beautiful and challenging, a non-self-help version of a Rachel Hollis book. (Which is not a bad thing at all.)
This is a beautiful, brief, melodic memoir about eros and agape at play in the Christian's walk. While chock-full of literary allusions, it relies less on the lure of faith and academia and more on, well, love and longing.
Some moments hit really hard; others less so but still provide interesting glimpses into her life as a baby Christian. Her love story is adorable but also mixed with hard doses of reality. Marriage did not erase her struggles and insecurities...or her husband's. She's vulnerable with her pain. But you see her exploring it all through the lens of grace as she seeks to put God first in the good and the bad.
And it isn't just her love story. Here you also see her relationship with her friends, her family, and her children. You see love manifested in a variety of ways, all pointing her a little bit closer to her Heavenly Father. The seemingly unconnected stories of ex-boyfriends, childhood birthday parties, and hillside picnics all weave together in a beautiful pattern by the end.
It didn't hit me as profoundly as her first memoir, perhaps because she writes about issues that just don't impact me the same way her first one did. But I still found this beautiful and challenging, a non-self-help version of a Rachel Hollis book. (Which is not a bad thing at all.)
August 31, 2020
Carolyn Weber is one of my favorite authors. I have been waiting for a new book from her for years and was not disappointed with this one. Though the title is more attention-grabbing, it's the subtitle that most accurately describes the contents: a memoir of love and longing. It's her journey to understand intimacy, both human and divine. It's smart, beautiful, and contemplative. I tend to read books quickly, but this one begs for your full attention. It would be a shame to rush words and pages and concepts that are meant to be dwelled within.
August 13, 2020
Carolyn Weber's first memoir, Surprised by Oxford, is one of my all-time favorite books, so I was quick to pick this one up when I heard it was coming out. Her love of literature, England, stories, and romance makes her writing extremely moving and understandable for me on a personal level, as I greatly enjoy all of those things too. I also appreciate the vividness of her word pictures and recounted conversations, to the point of making the reader feel like he or she is in the middle of the presented scenario. Sex and the City of God is another beautiful, thoughtful, lyrical memoir that focuses on Carolyn's growth as a Christian, with special focus on the reorienting of her thinking about sex and romance. As she describes various struggles of her early Christian life, she invites her readers into her (beautifully told!) story while also encouraging them to be honest about their own struggles, both with themselves and with God. She writes at the beginning:
"Is this a bad thing? This insatiable longing? I used to feel guilty about it, but I've grown to appreciate it, to even embrace it as only more indicative of our homesickness for God and his great overflowing of goodness for which we yearn. 'My grace is sufficient,' Jesus tells us. On some days, I reply 'Amen.' On others, I say, 'Oh really?' And on others still, I somehow hold both together."
Oh, how I relate, dear author. I'm thankful for writers like Carolyn Weber who so beautifully articulate human experience while also pointing back to the truth that never changes. Her discussion of the "reordering" of human desire and her overarching focus on God as the Giver of every good thing were particularly beautiful and helpful for me. It is theology I know, but always need to be reminded of, and Carolyn is one of those writers who always rekindles the beauty of well-rehearsed truth for me. Her turn of phrase and evocative imagery stir new emotion over what I already know, thereby increasing my love for it, and that is a sign of a skilled and careful writer if anything is. Thank you, Carolyn.
And thank you to Intervarsity Press for an advance PDF copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
"Is this a bad thing? This insatiable longing? I used to feel guilty about it, but I've grown to appreciate it, to even embrace it as only more indicative of our homesickness for God and his great overflowing of goodness for which we yearn. 'My grace is sufficient,' Jesus tells us. On some days, I reply 'Amen.' On others, I say, 'Oh really?' And on others still, I somehow hold both together."
Oh, how I relate, dear author. I'm thankful for writers like Carolyn Weber who so beautifully articulate human experience while also pointing back to the truth that never changes. Her discussion of the "reordering" of human desire and her overarching focus on God as the Giver of every good thing were particularly beautiful and helpful for me. It is theology I know, but always need to be reminded of, and Carolyn is one of those writers who always rekindles the beauty of well-rehearsed truth for me. Her turn of phrase and evocative imagery stir new emotion over what I already know, thereby increasing my love for it, and that is a sign of a skilled and careful writer if anything is. Thank you, Carolyn.
And thank you to Intervarsity Press for an advance PDF copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
August 5, 2020
"The course of true love never did run smooth."
Nothing I can articulate about this book is as witty or well considered as Weber's own words. Her ability to look at life and - whether in the moment or at a later date - consider it in light of what others have written before is awe-inspiring to me. Weber's wide-reaching reading and knowledge and thought and references always pierce me with wonder. To see ideas, to take ideas, to make connections and then to apply them seamlessly into the narrative ... I'm certain was painstaking and challenging work, and yet so beautiful to me, a reader.
A good memoir will cause the reader to consider her own life and choices. Whether similar lives or dissimilar, a conversation begins and a friendship is created as we share our tales together - even if the author never hears our side. We feel when the going gets tough, a massive windstorm and a stormy marriage, no electricity or connection adds to the cutting off. If it weren't a memoir, one would wonder if it wasn't all metaphor - but we feel it in the marrow. We feel the joy of the first kiss, the first mention of TDH's name (in two books!), the frustration of the welcoming neighbors to the honeymoon condo, and the struggles in the wind.
Evocative is an overused book review word, but Weber evokes for us emotion, thought, and memory - sharing hers, we consider our own. She challenges us to know our own lives as Christians - married or singular - with Christ. She made me want to talk more with my teenagers about what it is to love, to marry, to be co-workers in the kingdom, why and how s*x is important at many stages. Connection, remembrance, joy, love.
I have less to say to sum up. I'm thankful that I was given a chance to read this ahead of release in exchange for an honest review. The ideas are Weber's with my own take explained. I rarely accept assigned reading opportunities because I'm bad at doing what someone else tells me to do, but I jumped at this one because I couldn't stop reading her Surprised by Oxford or Holy is the Day ... and I suspected I wouldn't be able to stop reading this either. I wasn't wrong. Check the dates.
There were a few places where I thought the editing could be tighter and where I suspect sections were moved around - with an explanation in a section in pages following the first introduction of the idea, and there were a few places with explanatory asides that I thought unnecessary, a few sentences that took an extra read to get the flow, but this slight (slight!) criticism doesn't detract from my overall edification, enjoyment, or high star rating.
Holding this one for when my teens are nearly out of my home (which will be sooner than I'd like, I think). I've never wanted to read City of God before (intimidating much?), but I think my friend Caro just put Augustine on my TBR.
I received an advanced pdf copy of this book from Intervarsity Press in exchange for an honest review.
Nothing I can articulate about this book is as witty or well considered as Weber's own words. Her ability to look at life and - whether in the moment or at a later date - consider it in light of what others have written before is awe-inspiring to me. Weber's wide-reaching reading and knowledge and thought and references always pierce me with wonder. To see ideas, to take ideas, to make connections and then to apply them seamlessly into the narrative ... I'm certain was painstaking and challenging work, and yet so beautiful to me, a reader.
A good memoir will cause the reader to consider her own life and choices. Whether similar lives or dissimilar, a conversation begins and a friendship is created as we share our tales together - even if the author never hears our side. We feel when the going gets tough, a massive windstorm and a stormy marriage, no electricity or connection adds to the cutting off. If it weren't a memoir, one would wonder if it wasn't all metaphor - but we feel it in the marrow. We feel the joy of the first kiss, the first mention of TDH's name (in two books!), the frustration of the welcoming neighbors to the honeymoon condo, and the struggles in the wind.
Evocative is an overused book review word, but Weber evokes for us emotion, thought, and memory - sharing hers, we consider our own. She challenges us to know our own lives as Christians - married or singular - with Christ. She made me want to talk more with my teenagers about what it is to love, to marry, to be co-workers in the kingdom, why and how s*x is important at many stages. Connection, remembrance, joy, love.
I have less to say to sum up. I'm thankful that I was given a chance to read this ahead of release in exchange for an honest review. The ideas are Weber's with my own take explained. I rarely accept assigned reading opportunities because I'm bad at doing what someone else tells me to do, but I jumped at this one because I couldn't stop reading her Surprised by Oxford or Holy is the Day ... and I suspected I wouldn't be able to stop reading this either. I wasn't wrong. Check the dates.
There were a few places where I thought the editing could be tighter and where I suspect sections were moved around - with an explanation in a section in pages following the first introduction of the idea, and there were a few places with explanatory asides that I thought unnecessary, a few sentences that took an extra read to get the flow, but this slight (slight!) criticism doesn't detract from my overall edification, enjoyment, or high star rating.
Holding this one for when my teens are nearly out of my home (which will be sooner than I'd like, I think). I've never wanted to read City of God before (intimidating much?), but I think my friend Caro just put Augustine on my TBR.
I received an advanced pdf copy of this book from Intervarsity Press in exchange for an honest review.
May 24, 2024
Easy to read fast. I enjoyed the myriad literary allusions although sometimes the turns of. phrases and puns felt contrived. It was frequently hard to follow the crazy zigzag of her plot line because she jumps ahead and back in her story.
Valuable insights about the human experience of desire, love, and the ache to be known and the way the city of God calls its citizens to live in those dynamics. But sometimes I felt she flattered herself by considering herself sexually irresistible by all her good male college friends.
Valuable insights about the human experience of desire, love, and the ache to be known and the way the city of God calls its citizens to live in those dynamics. But sometimes I felt she flattered herself by considering herself sexually irresistible by all her good male college friends.
August 26, 2020
Summary: Follow up to the earlier memoir, Suprised by Oxford.
Sex and the City of God is a follow up to both the love story with God and TDH (Tall, Dark, and Hansome.) If you are reading this as a follow up to Surprised by Oxford, which I recommend, you know that they are going to get married eventually. That lack of suspense did not impact my reading or my enjoyment of the story.
Like Suprised by Oxford, there are plenty of references and allusions. As you might expect from the title, Augustine is a particular conversation partner. Weber balances the story of her relationship with her now-husband with the relationship with her creator. This is intentional throughout because she wants to parallel how marriage is like our relationship with God. I do like the spiritual exploration in real life metaphors. It is part of how I like to think about both religious life and how I want to 'seek God in all things.' Christianity Today had a positive review but had a few reservations because the reviewer thought that at times there was a tension between the story and seeking God in that story.
That tension is part of what life is about though. It is always hard to accurately see where God is at any point in time, and even in reflection, we are still only 'seeing darkly' as we seek to piece together how God has been at work in our lives. As I am studying an Ignatian form of spiritual direction, the practice of the Prayer of Examen is a vital part. The Prayer of Examen, when done traditionally, is a practice there one or more times a day we stop and seek the Holy Spirit's guidance as we review our day, seeking out where God was with us, where we need to seek forgiveness for sin, and seek God for guidance and wisdom on how to proceed in the future (both in the guidance of the Spirit and with the intention to avoid sin or act justly.) In some sense, memoirs like this, ones that seek to trace not only God's work in our lives but the ways that God often works in the lives of many Christians that are in similar situations, is like a type of examen.
There are almost no books that I can't find some area where I would write things differently because I am not the author, and I have different biases and perspectives. Two small points I wish were handled slightly differently. First, I am, because of the large number of single people in my life, always aware of how Christians tend to talk about marriage as the maturity making institution. Marriage is a maturity making institution, but certainly not the only one. Singleness is, in its way, a different type of maturity making institution. I do not think that Weber is attempting to make marriage the only method, but a few more caveats I think would help.
Another point where I wish there was some more discussion is the reality of sex after marriage when there has been sex before marriage. Maybe I am reading into the text too much. Still, it seems to me that there is a strong hint that in the early scene where Weber's ex-fiance stops by for her birthday, and they go to her grandmother's cabin, and he tries to initiate sex, this is not the first time that he would have been initiating sex. Throughout the book, despite the Sex and the City play on words in the title, the discussion of sex is very restrained (which I appreciate). But what I wish more Christians would talk about, especially in a case like this, where there is a conversion and an attempt to live according to traditional Christian ethics after conversion that the potentially hinted at sex before conversion is not something that will permanently scar a marriage. Just by the numbers, many currently existing Christian marriages have one or both partners where one or both spouses were sexually active before the wedding. I do not want to advocate for a too nicely placed bow (it was all perfect because of Christ) or too many intimate details. But some reassurance that even in less than ideal circumstances, God can still work, is always helpful.
I do not remember why I originally picked up Suprised by Oxford. It was probably a book I chose to review. But in the decade since it came out, I have read it three times, I believe. I have given away several copies, and I have recommended it to many. I think I will read pretty much anything that Carolyn Weber writes. She is a writer of both skill and insight.
Sex and the City of God is a follow up to both the love story with God and TDH (Tall, Dark, and Hansome.) If you are reading this as a follow up to Surprised by Oxford, which I recommend, you know that they are going to get married eventually. That lack of suspense did not impact my reading or my enjoyment of the story.
Like Suprised by Oxford, there are plenty of references and allusions. As you might expect from the title, Augustine is a particular conversation partner. Weber balances the story of her relationship with her now-husband with the relationship with her creator. This is intentional throughout because she wants to parallel how marriage is like our relationship with God. I do like the spiritual exploration in real life metaphors. It is part of how I like to think about both religious life and how I want to 'seek God in all things.' Christianity Today had a positive review but had a few reservations because the reviewer thought that at times there was a tension between the story and seeking God in that story.
That tension is part of what life is about though. It is always hard to accurately see where God is at any point in time, and even in reflection, we are still only 'seeing darkly' as we seek to piece together how God has been at work in our lives. As I am studying an Ignatian form of spiritual direction, the practice of the Prayer of Examen is a vital part. The Prayer of Examen, when done traditionally, is a practice there one or more times a day we stop and seek the Holy Spirit's guidance as we review our day, seeking out where God was with us, where we need to seek forgiveness for sin, and seek God for guidance and wisdom on how to proceed in the future (both in the guidance of the Spirit and with the intention to avoid sin or act justly.) In some sense, memoirs like this, ones that seek to trace not only God's work in our lives but the ways that God often works in the lives of many Christians that are in similar situations, is like a type of examen.
There are almost no books that I can't find some area where I would write things differently because I am not the author, and I have different biases and perspectives. Two small points I wish were handled slightly differently. First, I am, because of the large number of single people in my life, always aware of how Christians tend to talk about marriage as the maturity making institution. Marriage is a maturity making institution, but certainly not the only one. Singleness is, in its way, a different type of maturity making institution. I do not think that Weber is attempting to make marriage the only method, but a few more caveats I think would help.
Another point where I wish there was some more discussion is the reality of sex after marriage when there has been sex before marriage. Maybe I am reading into the text too much. Still, it seems to me that there is a strong hint that in the early scene where Weber's ex-fiance stops by for her birthday, and they go to her grandmother's cabin, and he tries to initiate sex, this is not the first time that he would have been initiating sex. Throughout the book, despite the Sex and the City play on words in the title, the discussion of sex is very restrained (which I appreciate). But what I wish more Christians would talk about, especially in a case like this, where there is a conversion and an attempt to live according to traditional Christian ethics after conversion that the potentially hinted at sex before conversion is not something that will permanently scar a marriage. Just by the numbers, many currently existing Christian marriages have one or both partners where one or both spouses were sexually active before the wedding. I do not want to advocate for a too nicely placed bow (it was all perfect because of Christ) or too many intimate details. But some reassurance that even in less than ideal circumstances, God can still work, is always helpful.
August 16, 2023
This is something of a sequel to Weber’s Surprised by Oxford, which I thought was excellent. Here she describes her courtship and eventual marriage to TDH, which really should not come as a surprise to any readers of Surprised. Her story is interesting and beautifully told (she is an Oxford-trained English professor after all), and all the literary allusions she drops in further enhance the enjoyment. And you have to love the TV show-Augustine mash-up of a title. But the real fire is in the reflections on marital love that she intersperses along the way.
Here’s one of many passages I highlighted:
“Genealogy is such an important detail in Scripture because it displays the intricacy of fulfilled prophecy. It emphasizes family and shows God at work right down to the very details of our DNA. But blood is not all. Faith runs deeper than biology. We are children of God twice over, by creation and by adoption: by having been made in his image, and having come to know how we are reborn in his grace. The Bible takes our understanding of family to show us what real family is. We are set within specific relationships, spaces, places, and times, and yet we are eternal, limitless, and loved beyond comprehension.
“Sex as the template for genealogy is important because sexuality is a reflection of God's relationship with us. Our relationship to sex speaks of our relationship to God. And because our relationship with God must precede our relationship with everything else, including our own selves, working from this first relationship changes everything. As a result, more often than not in a culture that neglects our dignity as spiritual beings, pursuing this foundational relationship can feel countercultural, though it is God's norm, for in becoming children of God we become who he intended us to be.”
[p 63]
Here’s one of many passages I highlighted:
“Genealogy is such an important detail in Scripture because it displays the intricacy of fulfilled prophecy. It emphasizes family and shows God at work right down to the very details of our DNA. But blood is not all. Faith runs deeper than biology. We are children of God twice over, by creation and by adoption: by having been made in his image, and having come to know how we are reborn in his grace. The Bible takes our understanding of family to show us what real family is. We are set within specific relationships, spaces, places, and times, and yet we are eternal, limitless, and loved beyond comprehension.
“Sex as the template for genealogy is important because sexuality is a reflection of God's relationship with us. Our relationship to sex speaks of our relationship to God. And because our relationship with God must precede our relationship with everything else, including our own selves, working from this first relationship changes everything. As a result, more often than not in a culture that neglects our dignity as spiritual beings, pursuing this foundational relationship can feel countercultural, though it is God's norm, for in becoming children of God we become who he intended us to be.”
[p 63]
July 30, 2020
Another beautiful and lyrical memoir from Carolyn Weber, extending the story first told in Surprised by Oxford.
Using St. Augustine's classic City of God as a metaphor for love, sex, and marriage, Weber describes her own experience coming to terms with her past and her present.
Beautifully rendered with humor and intelligence, Sex and the City of God is a reminder of how deep emotions can trap us without a savior--and particularly ones who show up at unexpected moments or with pointed questions.
I loved it.
Using St. Augustine's classic City of God as a metaphor for love, sex, and marriage, Weber describes her own experience coming to terms with her past and her present.
Beautifully rendered with humor and intelligence, Sex and the City of God is a reminder of how deep emotions can trap us without a savior--and particularly ones who show up at unexpected moments or with pointed questions.
I loved it.
September 9, 2020
“You can be friends since birth with someone and have years of history together, but if one knows Christ and the other doesn’t, there exists a “shining barrier” through which there can never quite be a full connection because one lives by the promise, knows of the hope, and trusts in the giver in a way that the other cannot perceive, live by, or understand p.64.”
Really a 4.5 read. Carolyn Weber takes up her journey of faith and her relationship with God where she left off in her marvelous book Surprised by Oxford. I thoroughly disliked the title of this book. I understand its play on St. Augustine’s The City of God, but it seems to me a cheap shout for publicity based on the “sex sells” school of thought. To be fair, a significant portion of this book does focus on Carolyn’s relationships with men as a young adult before and after becoming a Christian
On the other hand, the content does not disappoint. Weber displays her erudition with many references to poems and quotations from the Romantics. However, my favorite was the Drake poem gifted to her by her neighbor. A natural and gifted teacher, Weber is able to describe the feelings of sexual attraction and temptation that we all experience and to put them into perspective as a committed Christian reacts to them. Reading Weber’s writing is like having a conversation with an old and trusted friend where you feel comfortable exposing yourself and discussing difficult topics.
While this book can be read and enjoyed by all age groups, it would be a gift to read it as a young adult. There are so many meaningful lessons and experiences recounted here for those anxious to find a more satisfying way to live. I am very glad I preordered this book because I know that I will return to it many times.
The one thing that puzzled me, did not seem to smoothly fit in the book, and provides a reason to reread is the inclusion of Carolyn’s relationship with her father. Readers learn of his flaws, his absence, the divorce, their reconciliation, and his death. The first man in almost every little girl’s life is her father. So how does her relationship or lack of relationship with her father play into her relationship with God or her relationship with TDH/TBH? Good books often leave readers with questions.
I received an advance digital copy of this book in return for an honest review.
Really a 4.5 read. Carolyn Weber takes up her journey of faith and her relationship with God where she left off in her marvelous book Surprised by Oxford. I thoroughly disliked the title of this book. I understand its play on St. Augustine’s The City of God, but it seems to me a cheap shout for publicity based on the “sex sells” school of thought. To be fair, a significant portion of this book does focus on Carolyn’s relationships with men as a young adult before and after becoming a Christian
On the other hand, the content does not disappoint. Weber displays her erudition with many references to poems and quotations from the Romantics. However, my favorite was the Drake poem gifted to her by her neighbor. A natural and gifted teacher, Weber is able to describe the feelings of sexual attraction and temptation that we all experience and to put them into perspective as a committed Christian reacts to them. Reading Weber’s writing is like having a conversation with an old and trusted friend where you feel comfortable exposing yourself and discussing difficult topics.
While this book can be read and enjoyed by all age groups, it would be a gift to read it as a young adult. There are so many meaningful lessons and experiences recounted here for those anxious to find a more satisfying way to live. I am very glad I preordered this book because I know that I will return to it many times.
The one thing that puzzled me, did not seem to smoothly fit in the book, and provides a reason to reread is the inclusion of Carolyn’s relationship with her father. Readers learn of his flaws, his absence, the divorce, their reconciliation, and his death. The first man in almost every little girl’s life is her father. So how does her relationship or lack of relationship with her father play into her relationship with God or her relationship with TDH/TBH? Good books often leave readers with questions.
I received an advance digital copy of this book in return for an honest review.
August 16, 2020
Having thought the world of Carolyn Weber's previous memoir, Surprised By Oxford, I was delighted—though not surprised—to find that Sex and the City of God every bit as un-put-down-able. It is a continuation of Carolyn's own life (and love) story, seamlessly interwoven with more wisdom, humor, and humility. Not to mention plenty of literary references (oh happy day!).
Although summaries of Sex and the City of God might include keywords like "marriage", "sex", "love", and "relationships", you will find greater depth in its pages than such phrasing generally implies. It's not a self-help book, or a how-to manual. Its interests are not limited to single people, or married ones. It is, above all, a good story, and like any good story has something to offer everyone. It is also a true story, in more sense than one. It points the reader further up and further in.
In short, this is my favorite kind of book. And Carolyn Weber is my favorite kind of writer.
Although summaries of Sex and the City of God might include keywords like "marriage", "sex", "love", and "relationships", you will find greater depth in its pages than such phrasing generally implies. It's not a self-help book, or a how-to manual. Its interests are not limited to single people, or married ones. It is, above all, a good story, and like any good story has something to offer everyone. It is also a true story, in more sense than one. It points the reader further up and further in.
In short, this is my favorite kind of book. And Carolyn Weber is my favorite kind of writer.
August 4, 2020
Brilliant. I was thrilled to hear that Carolyn Weber had written a new book and was eager to dive right into it. Sex and the City of God beautifully explores love, longing, and loss while incorporating great literary quotes, alongside familiar pop culture references. I found myself stopping and smiling and re-reading so many passages. The book encouraged me in my faith and clearly voiced struggles I too, have faced. Weber is one of the most intelligent writer’s I've read but her ability to say the most profound things in such simple ways, truly shows her strength as a communicator. This book is deeply honest, transparent, and vulnerable, and clearly comes alongside the reader offering hope amidst the trials and struggles and various messes in life.
This book will be on my shelf with the other books I love to re-read and will be one I gift for years to come.
This book will be on my shelf with the other books I love to re-read and will be one I gift for years to come.
January 11, 2021
This is one of the most beautiful books on the subjects of romance, singleness, marriage, and sex from a Christian perspective I have ever read. It's a memoir of love and longing, like the title suggests, from the author of the brilliant book, "Surprised by Oxford."
"A memoir of love and longing" in the title might turn some prospective readers off if they usually go for more serious or...should I say, "concrete reading subjects"? But this book is not mushy or "Hallmarky" in the least. Nor is it fluffy. It is deep, thought-provoking, and profound. And it is written in a way that moved me to delight. It left me thinking, "This is the way books should be written!"
What a gem of a book!
"A memoir of love and longing" in the title might turn some prospective readers off if they usually go for more serious or...should I say, "concrete reading subjects"? But this book is not mushy or "Hallmarky" in the least. Nor is it fluffy. It is deep, thought-provoking, and profound. And it is written in a way that moved me to delight. It left me thinking, "This is the way books should be written!"
What a gem of a book!
July 14, 2020
A wonderful next installment in the life stories and musings by Carolyn Weber. I so enjoyed her book Surprised by Oxford and wasn’t disappointed by this one on the theme of love, commitment, the role of fathers, and how romantic love beds down and morphs into something longer lasting in a decades-long marriage. Her vocation as a literature professor informs the pages with her evocative literary allusions, but her prose is readable and memorable.
December 29, 2021
Don't let the main title make you hesitate, this book really is about "love(ing) and longing." I think Carolyn Webber will always be one of my favorite writers, and this latest book is no exception. This walks you through Webber's very human journey of learning what it means to love both God and man, and all the messiness it entails inside our hearts. It's an honest and humble retelling of her own story, and I thought it did a lovely job of showing both the real and the romance in love.
August 31, 2020
As usual, Weber's prose is beautiful, thoughtful, and spiritually deep. Weber is adept at weaving together literature, theology, spirituality, and her own wisdom and life experience. In this book I found that her skill with storytelling shone through particularly well.
If you've never read Weber before, you should start now.
If you've never read Weber before, you should start now.
October 4, 2020
Summary: A story of how the decision to choose “the city of God” transformed love, sexuality, and relationships for the author.
At first glance, the title of this book feels like a teaser, playing off the title of another book by Candace Bushnell and the popular television series that followed. But the book really is about one woman’s sexuality and how her choice to live as a citizen of the City of God led to a larger vision of love, healing of her relationship with her father, and a deeper understanding of the meaning of her sexuality. Add to that a heart-warming love story told by a gifted writer, and you have a truly great read.
The story begins with the father, hospitalized and near death. In his last years, he had come to faith, and drawn close to his daughter, the author. Her mind flashes back to the absentee father of her childhood, and her seventh birthday party, a picture of her in a dress he bought her, waiting for him to come home. He didn’t come.
The story moves forward to her graduate studies at Oxford, and the summer at home after she had started following Christ. In the background of that story is TDH (Tall, Dark, and Handsome) who had shared with her about God, one of the Christians she’d met with but a remote hope for anything more than a good friendship. Back home is Ben, an ex who shows up. A drive in his truck ends at a summer cabin, interrupted by a knock at the door, and a box of books. In the months ahead, she begins to live into not merely a single, but singular life belonging to Christ, a life oriented around Augustine’s City of God rather than the human city.
Through Bible studies at St. Ebbe’s and reading Augustine, she finds her understanding of sexuality reframed, oddly enough through biblical genealogies. The begotten are not merely part of a human family but the created and adopted family of God:
Sex as the template for genealogy is important because sexuality is a reflection of God’s relationship with us. Our relationship to sex speaks of our relationship to God. And because our relationship to God must precede our relationship with everything else, including our own selves, working from this first relationship changes everything. As a result, more often than not in a culture that neglects our dignity as spiritual beings, pursuing this foundational relationship can feel countercultural, though it is God’s norm, for in becoming children of God we become who he intended us to be (p. 63).
It was not as straightforward path. Many frustrating dating relationships. A tempting episode in another cabin with the heat out. Meanwhile, the conversations continued with TDH, who always treated her and other women with respect, was candid in discussion about his own temptations, and his commitment to a chaste life as a Christian. And then he moved back to the States…
The rest of the story, as they say, is a lovely courtship, and then an honest account of marriage with its ups, downs and temptations (including a writing retreat that turns out a walk through the forest from Ben’s cabin, complete with his truck parked in the drive!).
The story ends as it began, with her father, his last voice message and a reflection on how the choices we make in love may well shape who is with us in our last moments. Along the way, Carolyn Weber’s writing draws us into her life, her longings, her temptations and her struggle with them, her hopes and growing faith. Her writing draws us by her descriptions of scenes and places in which we enter into disappointment, into turmoil, into the cold of the cabin, the wildness of a windstorm, the insistent knocking upon a door. This skillfully written narrative, punctuated with poetry and Augustine, invites us into the the aching wonder of human love shaped by the growing pursuit of the City of God. We are left wondering if God has something better on offer, even when it comes to human sexuality.
________________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
At first glance, the title of this book feels like a teaser, playing off the title of another book by Candace Bushnell and the popular television series that followed. But the book really is about one woman’s sexuality and how her choice to live as a citizen of the City of God led to a larger vision of love, healing of her relationship with her father, and a deeper understanding of the meaning of her sexuality. Add to that a heart-warming love story told by a gifted writer, and you have a truly great read.
The story begins with the father, hospitalized and near death. In his last years, he had come to faith, and drawn close to his daughter, the author. Her mind flashes back to the absentee father of her childhood, and her seventh birthday party, a picture of her in a dress he bought her, waiting for him to come home. He didn’t come.
The story moves forward to her graduate studies at Oxford, and the summer at home after she had started following Christ. In the background of that story is TDH (Tall, Dark, and Handsome) who had shared with her about God, one of the Christians she’d met with but a remote hope for anything more than a good friendship. Back home is Ben, an ex who shows up. A drive in his truck ends at a summer cabin, interrupted by a knock at the door, and a box of books. In the months ahead, she begins to live into not merely a single, but singular life belonging to Christ, a life oriented around Augustine’s City of God rather than the human city.
Through Bible studies at St. Ebbe’s and reading Augustine, she finds her understanding of sexuality reframed, oddly enough through biblical genealogies. The begotten are not merely part of a human family but the created and adopted family of God:
Sex as the template for genealogy is important because sexuality is a reflection of God’s relationship with us. Our relationship to sex speaks of our relationship to God. And because our relationship to God must precede our relationship with everything else, including our own selves, working from this first relationship changes everything. As a result, more often than not in a culture that neglects our dignity as spiritual beings, pursuing this foundational relationship can feel countercultural, though it is God’s norm, for in becoming children of God we become who he intended us to be (p. 63).
It was not as straightforward path. Many frustrating dating relationships. A tempting episode in another cabin with the heat out. Meanwhile, the conversations continued with TDH, who always treated her and other women with respect, was candid in discussion about his own temptations, and his commitment to a chaste life as a Christian. And then he moved back to the States…
The rest of the story, as they say, is a lovely courtship, and then an honest account of marriage with its ups, downs and temptations (including a writing retreat that turns out a walk through the forest from Ben’s cabin, complete with his truck parked in the drive!).
The story ends as it began, with her father, his last voice message and a reflection on how the choices we make in love may well shape who is with us in our last moments. Along the way, Carolyn Weber’s writing draws us into her life, her longings, her temptations and her struggle with them, her hopes and growing faith. Her writing draws us by her descriptions of scenes and places in which we enter into disappointment, into turmoil, into the cold of the cabin, the wildness of a windstorm, the insistent knocking upon a door. This skillfully written narrative, punctuated with poetry and Augustine, invites us into the the aching wonder of human love shaped by the growing pursuit of the City of God. We are left wondering if God has something better on offer, even when it comes to human sexuality.
________________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
Read
May 31, 2025I love the author’s writing style. I feel like she’s an older sister or a favorite aunt just talking to me about God and life and men and Romantic poets when I read her work. Having just read her prior memoir, Surprised by Oxford, I felt like this was simply a continuation — the director’s cut — of the story of she and her husband’s dating, engagement, and marriage that we got introduced to in the first book. It fills in the gaps between realization of mutual feelings and marriage and goes beyond to bring you up to date on their less than perfect life now. I don’t think her spiritual applications are truly a strength of this memoir in the same way they were in the Oxford memoir, but it was still good.
June 26, 2025
Firstly, I think Ms Weber is an excellent writer, her warmth and relatability drew me in. There were chapters of the book I read faster than others, but several gems that were thought provoking for a good while…I had to pause at different moments to consider my own story. I especially appreciated and understood the recognition of looking back on her life and seeing so much more through her journey than she realized in those individual moments and situations. How very true the older we get I think.
January 30, 2023
(4.5) A sequel to the fabulous “Surprised by Oxford” — necessary because we need to know how things turned out! I do think that’s the primary reason this exists, to satisfy our curiosities. For while this shares wonderful wisdom, it did not read primarily a book about sex and marriage, as described.
Nonetheless, I love hearing from Carolyn Weber!
Nonetheless, I love hearing from Carolyn Weber!
November 15, 2020
It's hard to review someone's memoir. What do my stars mean? That I like Caro's life? Her insights? Her TDH? Whatever else my five stars might mean, they definitely mean that Carolyn Weber's writing was beautiful.
I read this book for bookclub and did not read an excerpt or the back cover or anything. I went in totally blind, except for a bit of secondhand-knowledge of both Sex and the City and Augustine's City of God.
From my ignorance, I expected an informational guide to biblical sexuality, not even knowing this was going to be a memoir. (Apparently I didn't even read the subtitle.)
While Weber does point some to biblical sexuality, I'd say the more specific theme would be temptation...which is implied in the subtitle's use of longing. And which, when fought, is biblical sexuality. But it's not heavy on sexuality as a Thing. It's not a treatise on modern practice or a critique or admonishment to the Church, but a thread of one woman's growth and understanding.
In this book, Carolyn Weber does an incredible job of weaving quotations and poems and lines of beauty in mad handfuls, not bouquets.
I read this book for bookclub and did not read an excerpt or the back cover or anything. I went in totally blind, except for a bit of secondhand-knowledge of both Sex and the City and Augustine's City of God.
From my ignorance, I expected an informational guide to biblical sexuality, not even knowing this was going to be a memoir. (Apparently I didn't even read the subtitle.)
While Weber does point some to biblical sexuality, I'd say the more specific theme would be temptation...which is implied in the subtitle's use of longing. And which, when fought, is biblical sexuality. But it's not heavy on sexuality as a Thing. It's not a treatise on modern practice or a critique or admonishment to the Church, but a thread of one woman's growth and understanding.
In this book, Carolyn Weber does an incredible job of weaving quotations and poems and lines of beauty in mad handfuls, not bouquets.
December 27, 2023
Memoir following on from Surprised by Oxford.
What I find most compelling about this book is the
author's faith journey and how she sees scripture with
such fresh eyes. It is such a breath of fresh air!
I listened to this on audio and thought the narrator
captured Caro's "voice" well but not so much the other
accents and mispronunciation of St Ebbes. Also, I'm
not sure the book title works for the content.
However, an interesting read and I hope she writes
some more "memoir" type books. I was also
appreciative of her honesty about marriage at the end
of the book (without divulging too much detail), which
gave a fuller picture of their story together.
What I find most compelling about this book is the
author's faith journey and how she sees scripture with
such fresh eyes. It is such a breath of fresh air!
I listened to this on audio and thought the narrator
captured Caro's "voice" well but not so much the other
accents and mispronunciation of St Ebbes. Also, I'm
not sure the book title works for the content.
However, an interesting read and I hope she writes
some more "memoir" type books. I was also
appreciative of her honesty about marriage at the end
of the book (without divulging too much detail), which
gave a fuller picture of their story together.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 30, 2025
Overall I really liked this addition to the author's story (I read Surprised by Oxford years ago). I loved the weaving of poetry, literature, philosophy, and theology.
p. 7: my dad told me to give the phone back to my mom. I heavily passed the receiver to her, as if it weighed more than I could bear. She took it from me with an effort that appeared similar to my own. My heart felt just as heavy, and I became aware for the first time of how absence can be a presence of the weightiest kind.
p. 61: Throughout the entire study, as a group gathered in God's name, no topic was off limits, no problem too big to ask for support, no prayer request too small to lift up. The conversation kited high and low through laughter and tears, jokes and concerns. We read and discussed Scripture, and we read and discussed ourselves. I realized right then and there that people hesitate about religion because they think it is not relevant to their own lives. Cultivating and experiencing fellowship bears testimony to the relevance of reverence.
p. 63: Sex as the template for genealogy is important because sexuality is a reflection of God's relationship with us. Our relationship to sex speaks of our relationship to God. And because our relationship with God must precede our relationship with everything else, including our own selves, working from this first relationship changes everything. As a result, more often than not in a culture that neglects our dignity as spiritual beings, pursuing this foundational relationship can feel counterculture, though it is God's norm, for in becoming children of God we become who he intended us to be.
p. 64: Fellowship stems from being family in God. Fellowship is patient and constant and committed. Fellowship says you must love me, even when you are not in the mood. Fellowship is inconvenient, accountable, comfortably and uncomfortably kind. Fellowship offers a safe place to land. You can be friends since birth with someone and have years of history together, but if one knows Christ and the other doesn't, there exists a "shining barrier" through which there can never quite be a full connection because one lives by the promise, knows of the hope, and trust sin the giver in a way that the other cannot perceive, live by, or understand.
The difference between "conversion" and "conversation" really does involve where a soul is "at." One has an eternal point of view; the other, simply, does not. One owns a hope that runs deeper than feeling or character; the other does not.
p. 66: St Augustine: "Indeed, this is already sin, to desire those things which the law of God forbids, and to abstain from them through fear of punishment, not through love of righteousness."
p. 86: It occurred to me right then and there, although I couldn't put it into words, that the biblical "knowing" with sexual connotations also holds spiritual ones: the deep unity between a husband and a wife is indeed a reflection of God's relationship with each of us. We each long to be fully known. We each crave the privilege of growing to intimately know another. And when we experience it, we, well, know.
p. 87: Our schools teach our children about using protection when having sex. But what about being protected from sex, or through sex? Such complete intimacy of a covenant within a covenant helps protect a marriage; it fosters a powerful bond as well as a certain kind of shell around two people enclosing them in the safe of each other within the safety of their God, shielding them from the blows of a fallen world, sustaining them to do good battle together, to run a good race together. No wonder armor and amor depend on the "are" of the where you are at.
p. 175; "Obedience is not so much a keeping to the rules as acts of selfless love," discerned Lucinda Vardey. "Obedience is an honouring: it opens the doors to opportunities to serve God without personal desires."
Henry Drummond, over a century ago, recognized the same struggle: "In Britain the Englishman is devoted, and rightly, to his rights. But there come times when a man may exercise even the higher right of giving up his rights. Yet [the apostle] Paul does not summon us to give up our rights. Love strikes much deeper. It would have us not seek them at all, ignore them, eliminate the personal element altogether from our calculations. It is not hard to give up our rights. They are often external. The difficult thing is to give up ourselves."
p. 7: my dad told me to give the phone back to my mom. I heavily passed the receiver to her, as if it weighed more than I could bear. She took it from me with an effort that appeared similar to my own. My heart felt just as heavy, and I became aware for the first time of how absence can be a presence of the weightiest kind.
p. 61: Throughout the entire study, as a group gathered in God's name, no topic was off limits, no problem too big to ask for support, no prayer request too small to lift up. The conversation kited high and low through laughter and tears, jokes and concerns. We read and discussed Scripture, and we read and discussed ourselves. I realized right then and there that people hesitate about religion because they think it is not relevant to their own lives. Cultivating and experiencing fellowship bears testimony to the relevance of reverence.
p. 63: Sex as the template for genealogy is important because sexuality is a reflection of God's relationship with us. Our relationship to sex speaks of our relationship to God. And because our relationship with God must precede our relationship with everything else, including our own selves, working from this first relationship changes everything. As a result, more often than not in a culture that neglects our dignity as spiritual beings, pursuing this foundational relationship can feel counterculture, though it is God's norm, for in becoming children of God we become who he intended us to be.
p. 64: Fellowship stems from being family in God. Fellowship is patient and constant and committed. Fellowship says you must love me, even when you are not in the mood. Fellowship is inconvenient, accountable, comfortably and uncomfortably kind. Fellowship offers a safe place to land. You can be friends since birth with someone and have years of history together, but if one knows Christ and the other doesn't, there exists a "shining barrier" through which there can never quite be a full connection because one lives by the promise, knows of the hope, and trust sin the giver in a way that the other cannot perceive, live by, or understand.
The difference between "conversion" and "conversation" really does involve where a soul is "at." One has an eternal point of view; the other, simply, does not. One owns a hope that runs deeper than feeling or character; the other does not.
p. 66: St Augustine: "Indeed, this is already sin, to desire those things which the law of God forbids, and to abstain from them through fear of punishment, not through love of righteousness."
p. 86: It occurred to me right then and there, although I couldn't put it into words, that the biblical "knowing" with sexual connotations also holds spiritual ones: the deep unity between a husband and a wife is indeed a reflection of God's relationship with each of us. We each long to be fully known. We each crave the privilege of growing to intimately know another. And when we experience it, we, well, know.
p. 87: Our schools teach our children about using protection when having sex. But what about being protected from sex, or through sex? Such complete intimacy of a covenant within a covenant helps protect a marriage; it fosters a powerful bond as well as a certain kind of shell around two people enclosing them in the safe of each other within the safety of their God, shielding them from the blows of a fallen world, sustaining them to do good battle together, to run a good race together. No wonder armor and amor depend on the "are" of the where you are at.
p. 175; "Obedience is not so much a keeping to the rules as acts of selfless love," discerned Lucinda Vardey. "Obedience is an honouring: it opens the doors to opportunities to serve God without personal desires."
Henry Drummond, over a century ago, recognized the same struggle: "In Britain the Englishman is devoted, and rightly, to his rights. But there come times when a man may exercise even the higher right of giving up his rights. Yet [the apostle] Paul does not summon us to give up our rights. Love strikes much deeper. It would have us not seek them at all, ignore them, eliminate the personal element altogether from our calculations. It is not hard to give up our rights. They are often external. The difficult thing is to give up ourselves."
September 3, 2020
Carolyn Weber’s first memoir, Surprised by Oxford, delighted me so much that I’ve read it at least twice – and it left me eager to hear more about a key point she left unresolved: What happened with the tall, dark, and handsome friend who left her with a card containing a single question mark?
First and foremost, this new memoir is a love story: a true story, yet rich with the detail, characterization and romantic highs that are normally reserved for novels. So yes, it rescues me from the cliffhanger of Carolyn’s first book. But it also does a whole lot more. For Carolyn, reconciling her romantic life with her new identity as a disciple of Christ takes time. Along the way, she encounters numerous temptations: scenes that are vivid, yet handled tastefully. Considering the title, there’s surprisingly little to make the cautious reader blush.
Always, the narrative circles back to faith, to wonder, and to the divine romance. And what a romance! Who else but Jesus could so deeply know Carolyn as a person, could be so deeply, relentlessly loving, and so able to craft foreshadowings and plot points enough to satisfy a book-loving English major turned Oxford don?
Speaking as a lifelong single woman, I found her portrayal of the sweetness of Jesus within the single life to ring true in a way that few authors have been able to capture – especially in the same pages that contain such a satisfying human romance.
As in her first memoir, Carolyn’s sense of place is rich and detailed, transporting the reader into the cloistered world of an Oxford college, and ping-ponging back and forth across the Atlantic, with scenes set in London, Ontario and Washington, D.C.
There were moments where the author spoke just a little above my head, but in general, her habit of marrying literary and spiritual meaning to real life invites me to reread this book and ponder some more.
Thanks to NetGalley for the digital ARC.
First and foremost, this new memoir is a love story: a true story, yet rich with the detail, characterization and romantic highs that are normally reserved for novels. So yes, it rescues me from the cliffhanger of Carolyn’s first book. But it also does a whole lot more. For Carolyn, reconciling her romantic life with her new identity as a disciple of Christ takes time. Along the way, she encounters numerous temptations: scenes that are vivid, yet handled tastefully. Considering the title, there’s surprisingly little to make the cautious reader blush.
Always, the narrative circles back to faith, to wonder, and to the divine romance. And what a romance! Who else but Jesus could so deeply know Carolyn as a person, could be so deeply, relentlessly loving, and so able to craft foreshadowings and plot points enough to satisfy a book-loving English major turned Oxford don?
Speaking as a lifelong single woman, I found her portrayal of the sweetness of Jesus within the single life to ring true in a way that few authors have been able to capture – especially in the same pages that contain such a satisfying human romance.
As in her first memoir, Carolyn’s sense of place is rich and detailed, transporting the reader into the cloistered world of an Oxford college, and ping-ponging back and forth across the Atlantic, with scenes set in London, Ontario and Washington, D.C.
There were moments where the author spoke just a little above my head, but in general, her habit of marrying literary and spiritual meaning to real life invites me to reread this book and ponder some more.
Thanks to NetGalley for the digital ARC.
January 4, 2021
I reread the 2nd half of Surprised By Oxford to get ready for City of God. I found myself enjoying both so much more than I did/would have reading them in my very early 20s. Her story is beautiful, and it's a lovely reminder of our hearts when we first accepted Christ, and how that initial excitement can be lived every day. I would recommend anyone to read either of her works, especially if you are someone who feels academia/intellectualism and faith are at odds. My only complaint about City of God is that it should have been longer. Surprised by Oxford is almost twice as long and catalogues her relationships and conversion with such detail that the lack of details in City of God is pretty obvious. I would have liked to know more about her father's conversion and their relationship. She devotes a section of her book to a "down" moment in her marriage and yet we're not given any glimpse into the cause of it besides "a lot of arguing". I get that these are two incredibly intimate moments in her life, but without having much context to what's really going on it's hard to glean the wisdom in the same way. That being said, reading this book was a phenomenal way to start 2021 and I'll carry her reminders of faith and God's love with me through the coming season.
January 14, 2024
Not sure why downtown Shanghai appears on the cover but in any case - I love this book for the same reasons why I loved Weber’s other book Surprised by Oxford. This autobiography fills up a time period that the latter omitted (remember when she fast-forwarded to her being marriaged to TDH?), and goes beyond that. Having enjoyed and gained much from reading her coming-to-faith and staying-in-the faith story hemmed into her life as a single then a spouse - I feel she deserves a personal thank you from me.
Again, it’s hard to not appreciate Weber’s humour, be wowed at her knowledge and intelligence, be swayed by her thoughtful reflections, sympathise with her raw laments, and rejoice with her contagious joy. But all of the aforesaid would not have been a pull on the heartstrings if it had not been for the consistent theme of her going back to God and premising it all on her union with Christ being supreme over everything on this side of eternity.
Weber could have concluded this book with a happy ending, which I would have been content with. However she chose realism and offered readers a glimpse into a low point of her marriage where she was not infallible (but God sustains his people), which struck me deeply and caused me to treasure this read even more.
Most books do not get read more than once by me, but this book will be one that I will.
Again, it’s hard to not appreciate Weber’s humour, be wowed at her knowledge and intelligence, be swayed by her thoughtful reflections, sympathise with her raw laments, and rejoice with her contagious joy. But all of the aforesaid would not have been a pull on the heartstrings if it had not been for the consistent theme of her going back to God and premising it all on her union with Christ being supreme over everything on this side of eternity.
Weber could have concluded this book with a happy ending, which I would have been content with. However she chose realism and offered readers a glimpse into a low point of her marriage where she was not infallible (but God sustains his people), which struck me deeply and caused me to treasure this read even more.
Most books do not get read more than once by me, but this book will be one that I will.
June 22, 2025
""Where love is, God is. He that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God. God is love. Therefore love. Without distinction, without calculation, without procrastination, love. Lavish it upon the poor, where it is very easy; especially upon the rich, who often need it most; most of all upon our equals, where it is very difficult, and for whom perhaps we each do least of all." And to expect nothing in return, not one drop, but to love for the sake of loving---that is what God embodies and models to us all."
Another great read for this year. I enjoyed all her quotations from people gone before and the parallels she drew from marriage/sex and Heaven.
Another great read for this year. I enjoyed all her quotations from people gone before and the parallels she drew from marriage/sex and Heaven.
May 16, 2021
So much more than a book about Sex as a Christian. Beautiful writing about our longing to be truly loved through our Bridegroom Christ. Beautiful writing on Christian marriage and redemption through Christ. Although there were many literary references, it didn’t seem like there were as many as her other book “Surprised by Oxford”. I listened to this as audio and I finished it in just a couple of days because it was so enjoyable.
October 7, 2024
Carolyn Weber has a beautiful ability to infuse her knowledge and love for classic literature with her personal storytelling. My first encounter with her style of writing was 'Holy is the Day' which was a book I needed while navigating the years of making choices towards my young family. I have been eagerly awaiting another book from her, and this one did not disappoint!
Sex and the City delivers Weber's signature infusive style as she draws from Augustine's classic, tells of her current life as wife and looks back to her relationship with her father. She masterfully tells a story of finding love, even in loss and at the same time makes Augustine's City of God seem approachable. I might just dare to add it to my list!
Sex and the City delivers Weber's signature infusive style as she draws from Augustine's classic, tells of her current life as wife and looks back to her relationship with her father. She masterfully tells a story of finding love, even in loss and at the same time makes Augustine's City of God seem approachable. I might just dare to add it to my list!
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