Neurodiverse Relationships: Autistic and Neurotypical Partners Share Their Experiences

by Joanna Pike, Joanna Stevenson (Editor), Tony Attwood (Foreword)

Comprised of the accounts of twelve heterosexual couples in which the man is on the Autism Spectrum, this book invites both partners to discuss their own perspectives of different key issues, including anxiety, empathy, employment and socialising. Autism expert Tony Attwood contributes a commentary and a question and answer section for each of the twelve accounts.

The first book of its kind to provide perspectives from both sides of a relationship on a variety of different topics, Neurodiverse Relationships is the perfect companion for couples in neurodiverse relationships who are trying to understand one another better.

Genres: Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Nonfiction, Relationships, Psychology

216 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 18, 2019

Reviews

[Nyx Vera · Rating 2 out of 5]

Great idea, poor execution. Effectively "How Neurotypical Wives Can Accommodate Their Aspie Husbands". All of the 12 couples were autistic men and their neurotypical wives, and most of the advice placed the burden of the emotional management of the relationship almost squarely on the wives, with very little suggestions on how an autistic partner can contribute to the relationships well-being.

[Ruth Minkov · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am a neuropsychologist and work with Autistic adults. I found this pathologizing, inaccurate - and all the autistic partners were men. It's just a very outdated book that appears to perpetuate harmful stereotypes. If you are a woman who has had a terrible relationship with an Autistic man, however, this may be a very validating read.

[Libby · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mixed feelings. Elements were helpful, but this book is very limited in perspective (only hetero couples where the man is on the spectrum and the woman is neurotypical). Also didn’t love the emphasis on the neurotypical partner primarily needing to accommodate rather than finding ways for both partners to meet in the middle. I was surprised this book was published only six years ago - it feels very dated already.

[Tab · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book incredibly negative. Yes, there were relatable things in there. But no advice or insight whatsoever in making things work other than reading that some couples did make it work. The psychologist’s commentary was mostly ‘NTs will have to put a lot more work in and that’s that/NTs will always be at a disadvantage’. I feel like there’s more here that could have been said to give a feeling of hope rather than dispair.

[Zsofi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be among the better ones about neurodiverse relationships. Since I’m in the same ND/NT relationship set up as the couples in the book, I could easily relate to their stories. It felt nice to see how others make it work and see their best practices. I’m trying to read as much as possible to understand my partner, so this book worked for me.

[Andrew Miller · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a newly diagnosed autistic person I am optimistic that having read this book my relationships with those closest to me will strengthen Further as we continue to learn about our differences.

[Jennifer Gordon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Understanding differences in neurodiverse Relationships

Helpful guide to understand perspectives from Aspergers and Neurotypical Couples
Excellent commentary by expert Tony Atwood on common areas of miscommunication/blocks in relationships. Loved the commonly asked questions and responses by Tony Atwood.
Helpful tips and follow up for both NT and ASD individuals to set realistic expectations within relationships and take responsibility for their actions to set up social interactions for greater success.
Helpful to see how couples had implemented these recommendations from Tony Atwood and had improvements in relationships/self regulation etc.

[Damian Gibson · Rating 1 out of 5]

Do not read if you are Autistic

This book is case after case of NT partners bitching about how awful it is to be in a relationship with an autistic person and the "psychologist" giving a smug, condescending recap of how to put up with our annoying little traits. Another piece of evidence that talk therapy psychologists, especially boomer aged ones do more harm than good for people with Autism

[Vanessa Eales · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very helpful book for everyone in a relationship with people in the AS spectrum.
Insightful and hopeful affirming all people of compassion and integrity
The accounts are both truthful and realistic. Tony Attwood's question and answer sections are very useful for both people involved in the relationship.

[Christian Bruce · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful for both ND & NT partners.

[Cassie Newman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Only talked about the male being the autistic person in the relationship

[Krissy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really interesting read, relatable in a lot of ways. The only cringe thing was that the author and the AS/NT people were all seeming to have a very negative view on autism, putting down the people with it. Though, as a NT. there were a lot of relatable frustrations I’ve experienced that was nice to get validation. Seeing their relationships from the inside was really cool, especially how each partner got to speak. The whole literalness or situation-specific! Focused on visible practicality instead of internal emotions, how they can come across as both genius sometimes and childish in other ways. It was refreshing to read other relationships with similar differences and see what codes or adaptations work for them.

Funny thing, some of the NT females I think would be on the spectrum, if assessed now, lol. Back then, women weren’t really assessed for it properly.

[Luise · Rating 1 out of 5]

Only thing I liked about the book were some of the comics in front of each chapter.

[Heidi Bowman · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book could be helpful for people in "neurodiverse relationships" (although it would be good if they reissued it with stories of women on the spectrum and of people in queer relationships). It was interesting to read the people's different accounts, even though some of them were easier to follow than others. Relationships are hard, and this book helped show how people truly can see the world in such glaringly different ways. Sometimes I felt despair at how hard it all can be. I did learn some thought-provoking techniques, like telling a neurodivergent person that, while they need their "time off" to decompress, they also need to show up for "time in" with the partner and/or the family.

[Matt Hunt · Rating 2 out of 5]

I guess you’ll get more out of this of you’re a normal person. This Autie just got to agree with a lot of things and not really learn anything new.
Felt more like a book to help NT’s understand and feel listened to rather than a nice collection of insightful facts!

[Kaye J O'Donnell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic insight

This has to be one of the best reads about Aspergers I have read. Short chapters about couples one AS and the other NT and having Tony Attwood at the end of each chapter giving sound advice about the subject in each chapter. Definitely worth the price of book.