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You're Not Enough (and That's Okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love
Is your quest to love yourself more actually making you miserable?
We're told that the key to happiness is self-love. Instagram influencers, mommy bloggers, self-help gurus, and even Christian teachers promise that if we learn to love ourselves, we'll be successful, secure, and complete. But the promise doesn't deliver. Instead of feeling fulfilled, our pursuit of self-love traps us in an exhausting cycle: as we strive for self-acceptance, we become addicted to self-improvement.
The truth is we can't find satisfaction inside ourselves because we are the problem. We struggle with feelings of inadequacy because we are inadequate. Alone, we are not good enough, smart enough, or beautiful enough. We're not enough--period. And that's okay, because God is.
The answer to our insufficiency and insecurity isn't self-love, but God's love. In Jesus, we're offered a way out of our toxic culture of self-love and into a joyful life of relying on him for wisdom, satisfaction, and purpose. We don't have to wonder what it's all about anymore. This is it.
This book isn't about battling your not-enoughness; it's about embracing it. Allie Beth Stuckey, a Christian, conservative new mom, found herself at the dead end of self-love, and she wants to help you combat the false teachings and self-destructive mindsets that got her there. In this book, she uncovers the myths popularized by our culture of trendy narcissism, reveals where they manifest in politics and the church, and dismantles them with biblical truth and practical wisdom.
We're told that the key to happiness is self-love. Instagram influencers, mommy bloggers, self-help gurus, and even Christian teachers promise that if we learn to love ourselves, we'll be successful, secure, and complete. But the promise doesn't deliver. Instead of feeling fulfilled, our pursuit of self-love traps us in an exhausting cycle: as we strive for self-acceptance, we become addicted to self-improvement.
The truth is we can't find satisfaction inside ourselves because we are the problem. We struggle with feelings of inadequacy because we are inadequate. Alone, we are not good enough, smart enough, or beautiful enough. We're not enough--period. And that's okay, because God is.
The answer to our insufficiency and insecurity isn't self-love, but God's love. In Jesus, we're offered a way out of our toxic culture of self-love and into a joyful life of relying on him for wisdom, satisfaction, and purpose. We don't have to wonder what it's all about anymore. This is it.
This book isn't about battling your not-enoughness; it's about embracing it. Allie Beth Stuckey, a Christian, conservative new mom, found herself at the dead end of self-love, and she wants to help you combat the false teachings and self-destructive mindsets that got her there. In this book, she uncovers the myths popularized by our culture of trendy narcissism, reveals where they manifest in politics and the church, and dismantles them with biblical truth and practical wisdom.
224 pages, Hardcover
First published August 11, 2020
1368 people are currently reading
17957 people want to read
About the author
Allie Beth Stuckey
2 books765 followersAllie Beth Stuckey is host of the Blaze Media podcast "Relatable," where she tackles theological, cultural and political issues from a conservative, Reformed perspective. Stuckey speaks to college students, Republican organizations, Christian ministries, and businesses across the country about the importance of biblical and conservative values. She also offers frequent commentary on Fox News. She and her husband welcomed their first daughter into the world in July 2019. This is her first book.
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August 23, 2020
| Read FULL review here. |
So, a couple days ago I came across You're Not Enough (and that's okay) by Allie Beth Stuckey on NetGalley and...near immediately vomited at how disgusted I was when I found out that this is a book that pushes problematic kinds of Christianity. So, because I like to be informed about what I discuss as being problematic, I decided to read the book. And honestly, there is a lot to unpack. But, what it all comes down to is this: Stuckey's message, ultimately, is that in many, many ways no one is enough and will never become so, therefore, the only thing to do is to believe in "god" because only "god" is enough.
It's a clear example of pointing out a problem and trying to force a magical and fictitious solution upon the world that doesn't actually solve the problem.
Any amount of good message Stuckey manages to send is drowned out and degraded, pushed aside for disturbing "Christian ideas" and terrible messages posited as selflessness. Ultimately, You're Not Enough is Christian propaganda and Stuckey's way of telling other people what to do with their lives more than anything else.
And it's sad because when I first saw this book I was genuinely intrigued by this argument that we are not enough and it is okay to accept this truth so long as we're willing to do something about it. The only toxicity in the idea of "you are enough" I see is that it potentially supports laziness in actively trying to solve our problems. Saying "I'm enough" isn't going to resolve issues within a relationship someone may have.
But recognizing what one has been doing in a relationship and how it may not resolve current problems can give people motivation and purpose. It allows us an opportunity to step up and find ways to better ourselves and resolve issues. I'm okay with the idea that I'm not enough in the sense that I can find purpose in improving myself, in becoming a better person and in helping the rest of the world be better, too.
But this isn't really where Stuckey goes with her "you're not enough" message.
Point one: you need Jesus (a.k.a. people aren't religious enough).
I find this argument of hers massively depressing. Stuckey doesn't seem like a complete idiot and is fully capable of sounding coherent, but much of her message is dripping with this nonsense idea that god is all that matters. She suggests that the only things making people today depressed are support for self-love and lack of religion. This theory completely ignores literally every single problem that exists within the world (there are far too many to count) and suggests that if we all found and obeyed god, we'd be happy.
Not only is this ludicrous, but it's also disgusting.
And sure, ignoring facts and logic to hide behind a fantasy of faith does tend to make some people feel better. But, ignoring problems, as Stuckey also points out, only makes them worse. Faith, in and of itself, is the same bandaid to problems that Stuckey refers to the temporary relief self-love "you are enough" messages as being. It ultimately doesn't really fix anything.
Not to mention that her entire book is filled with commentary about how god is perfect and we can only aspire to work for and obey him in our unworthy-ness for the hope that he will forgive all our horrible sins. Stuckey's "god" sounds like an abusive boyfriend: "you're unlovable, you're not worthy, I am perfect, only I can tell you who you are what to do and what you're worth, your job is to glorify me, you're not good enough to determine what's true because only I can do that, my love is the only love you need, you are undeserving of my love, you belong with me, I forgive you for being sinful and not good enough."
I think I just threw up again.
Point two: god is the only determiner of morality.
Also known as god is the only one who knows what is right and wrong; he is the only one who can decide this and no one has the right to complain about morally incorrect things unless they are religious. Also, the only way you won't be selfish is if you're religious.
To say that selfless acts can only come from working for god is nonsense. I can say that I personally see self-sacrifice and helping others as a generally good thing to aspire to do in your life. Stuckey suggests that the only possible place to do such things is in service to god and religion.
She also posits that right and wrong can only be determined by the "moral authority" that is "our [imaginary] creator." I'm sorry, what the hell kind of message is it to tell people that they're incapable of knowing right from wrong without religion? You're honestly going to suggest to me that the only way to be a good person is to "work for god"?
To say that people who do not buy this religion nonsense have no right to be angry about the Holocaust and slavery if they don't believe in god is egregiously disgusting. And yet, that's more or less what she is saying. It's as though the collective decision of society to tell everyone that mass murder and enslaving others simply because they are different from us are horrible things to do don't even matter. Why?
Because god.
Point three: if you are gay or not cisgender, you are wrong.
Honestly, there's a lot to unpack here and it was hard since there were so many instances of Stuckey pushing these disturbing narratives about who people should be. And all of it was problematic.
According to Stuckey, gender and sexuality other than what has been "normed" by the bible do not exist, should not exist, and are a problem. She practically voices her support for conversion therapy for people who are trans, making statements like "whether he believed he was a girl or not was largely irrelevant," "his god-given biology indicates his gender--period," "will probably grow out of their gender confusion after puberty," and "every compassionate effort, then, should be made to help him reconcile his mind with his body, not the other way around."
She defines marriage as all the homophobic religious sorts do, "as between a man and a woman." Though she does not spend an immense amount of time here, she makes it very clear what she thinks of the LGBTQ community. She holds no respect for them, no care for who they are or how they identify. She sees them as diseased people who need to be "fixed." Marriage, according to Stuckey must be "rooted in creation" as though the only possible reason to be with another person is to procreate.
Point four: you must be a mother.
And really, this isn't all that surprising at all because she later goes on to shame women for not wanting children.
Her opinion on the matter amounts to telling those who've made the mature decision to hold off on having kids to "grow up" and have them already. She suggests that it is women's "god-given" purpose to be a mom more than anything else, "pouring [themselves] out, even when [they] don't feel filled up" because even though they are not enough, "god" is. She even goes on to say that anyone married, mentally stable, and physically able is ready for children, entirely leaving out a whole slew of other reasons why someone might not be ready.
The notion that we were only "put on this earth" to procreate is, honestly, quite disgusting. It's ironic how she talks about motherhood as being selfless; I've always found this ironic, really. So often in life, having a child isn't a selfless act, but rather a selfish one. Some person decides they want a baby and suddenly, here they are, subjecting an innocent child to a potentially difficult life because they just weren't ready for the responsibility. Often, they haven't reached a point where they can devote themselves to adequately raising a human being or weren't financially stable enough. But, wanting a child of their own to love them was more important than ensuring a stable and positive childhood.
Point five: do what I say because god says.
According to Stuckey, our relationships (dating, marriage, etc.) exist only to bring us closer to "god." I've already lost count of the number of times I have rolled my eyes reading this book and writing this review. Therefore, as far as she is concerned, marriage is only something a person should do if their goal is to use it to become closer to "god." She suggests we should be defined by what sort of relationship we have with "god," so therefore if we date and it does not bring us closer to Jesus, we're doing it wrong.
This brings me to her next point, telling us that if we're not married we should be. Stuckey suggests that it is wrong to wait to marry someone. She thinks it's wrong to aspire to have a stable career first, to travel first, wrong to better ourselves first. She calls it a waste of time. "Get married now," she says. And there's something deeply disturbing about this since not only is this Stuckey's advice to her readers, but she goes on to tell us that "husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church and wives are called to submit to their husbands as they submit to the Lord."
And honestly, to this, the main thing I have to say is what the hell? When women push this sort of patriarchal and controlling agenda, I want to scream. "God" forbid women be their own person, forbid they make their own decisions. No, their abusively controlling "god" must dictate their actions and choices. Their husbands lay down the law further. I pity this woman and all who agree with her.
Point six: not racist, but intersectionality is propaganda.
Stuckey spends precious little time on this point, but I think it's important to note that she says it. She seems to be the sort of person who believes racism began and ended back with slavery and the Civil Rights Movement. I hate people like this. They always try to push this fictitious idea that racism no longer exists today. What frustrates me the most about this is that society--especially white society--perpetuates this idea.
I, too, once fell for the idea that racism no longer existed. The way history is taught in the classroom, at least where I grew up and I'm sure in many, many other places always made the way anyone who wasn't white was treated seem like something that was over. It wasn't until I was in high school and even college that I even began to understand the real truth that the world tries so hard to hide. But I digress.
The point is, Stucky tells us intersectionality, as it relates to social justice, is "arbitrary, confusing, and ineffective" and that it has "no place" in religion. She basically uses this argument to suggest that privilege is not a real concern, the wage gap is non-existent, and all this stuff that people fight for in social-justice is nonsense. She posits that social justice is wrong so long as it is secular and the only social care that occurs should come from Christians.
I wish I didn't have to point out that this line of thinking is wrong, but people like Stuckey exist to prove that I need to.
Stuckey is kind of a hypocrite.
The most hilarious piece of this all is the fact that Stuckey regularly insists that one must use logic and facts to recognize that we're not good enough and must be able to prove injustice. I am all about being able to prove injustice and using logic and facts all the time, but honey, you can't pick and choose when these ideas apply to you. You either use logic, facts, and proof with everything or you don't. When you pluck out the facts you like and ignore the facts you don't, you're not spreading some amazing truthful message. You're just a massive hypocrite.
You can't really say you support logic, facts, and proof when you are also suggesting that some invisible being lives up in the sky, created us, and somehow loves us all enough to be massively involved in every minuscule thing that happens in our lives. You can't say you support logic, facts, and proof when you deny science. You can't posit that basic science says only male and female genders exist when you can't even understand the basic science of pregnancy viability.
You can't pick and choose which pieces of science and fact that you like so you can use it against other people, only to throw away the ones that mess with your fictitious faith.
It just doesn't work that way.
In the end, Stuckey's posits regularly that people are not special and not enough, that they are unlovable and undeserving or unworthy of "god's approval and affection." Yet, at the same time, she is pushing this idiotic idea that they're so important as to have this creator that loves them and this demon determined to corrupt them. It's hilarious, really. As a result of Stuckey's inability to decide whether people are insignificant or special, her message doesn't actually add up.
She tells us that we are told, especially if we're little girls, that we are perfect from childhood. This is where I face-palm repeatedly at her inability to recognize just how often little girls are shown and, yes, told that they could never be perfect unless they measure up to an insane number of impossible standards that society thrusts in their faces. This idea that any child is given the opportunity to think that they are perfect is so ludicrous that I'm honestly mind-boggled by it. I don't know where she gets this idea that people tell children they are perfect, but it's a lie.
And funnily enough, she goes on to dispute it toward the end of her book when she tells us that people refer to children as "brats."
With the number of contradictions in her entire book, I don't know how anyone could really take her ideas seriously. But then again, I suppose not everyone is going to pick them out like I did. I've noticed there is often a lot of "believing" without critical thinking or questioning when it comes to faith.
But Stuckey doesn't really care about that. She just cares about "god."
This is a terrible book.
There's plenty I could say about this, but I'm honestly just tired at this point.
I was provided a free copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
So, a couple days ago I came across You're Not Enough (and that's okay) by Allie Beth Stuckey on NetGalley and...near immediately vomited at how disgusted I was when I found out that this is a book that pushes problematic kinds of Christianity. So, because I like to be informed about what I discuss as being problematic, I decided to read the book. And honestly, there is a lot to unpack. But, what it all comes down to is this: Stuckey's message, ultimately, is that in many, many ways no one is enough and will never become so, therefore, the only thing to do is to believe in "god" because only "god" is enough.
It's a clear example of pointing out a problem and trying to force a magical and fictitious solution upon the world that doesn't actually solve the problem.
Any amount of good message Stuckey manages to send is drowned out and degraded, pushed aside for disturbing "Christian ideas" and terrible messages posited as selflessness. Ultimately, You're Not Enough is Christian propaganda and Stuckey's way of telling other people what to do with their lives more than anything else.
And it's sad because when I first saw this book I was genuinely intrigued by this argument that we are not enough and it is okay to accept this truth so long as we're willing to do something about it. The only toxicity in the idea of "you are enough" I see is that it potentially supports laziness in actively trying to solve our problems. Saying "I'm enough" isn't going to resolve issues within a relationship someone may have.
But recognizing what one has been doing in a relationship and how it may not resolve current problems can give people motivation and purpose. It allows us an opportunity to step up and find ways to better ourselves and resolve issues. I'm okay with the idea that I'm not enough in the sense that I can find purpose in improving myself, in becoming a better person and in helping the rest of the world be better, too.
But this isn't really where Stuckey goes with her "you're not enough" message.
Point one: you need Jesus (a.k.a. people aren't religious enough).
I find this argument of hers massively depressing. Stuckey doesn't seem like a complete idiot and is fully capable of sounding coherent, but much of her message is dripping with this nonsense idea that god is all that matters. She suggests that the only things making people today depressed are support for self-love and lack of religion. This theory completely ignores literally every single problem that exists within the world (there are far too many to count) and suggests that if we all found and obeyed god, we'd be happy.
Not only is this ludicrous, but it's also disgusting.
And sure, ignoring facts and logic to hide behind a fantasy of faith does tend to make some people feel better. But, ignoring problems, as Stuckey also points out, only makes them worse. Faith, in and of itself, is the same bandaid to problems that Stuckey refers to the temporary relief self-love "you are enough" messages as being. It ultimately doesn't really fix anything.
Not to mention that her entire book is filled with commentary about how god is perfect and we can only aspire to work for and obey him in our unworthy-ness for the hope that he will forgive all our horrible sins. Stuckey's "god" sounds like an abusive boyfriend: "you're unlovable, you're not worthy, I am perfect, only I can tell you who you are what to do and what you're worth, your job is to glorify me, you're not good enough to determine what's true because only I can do that, my love is the only love you need, you are undeserving of my love, you belong with me, I forgive you for being sinful and not good enough."
I think I just threw up again.
Point two: god is the only determiner of morality.
Also known as god is the only one who knows what is right and wrong; he is the only one who can decide this and no one has the right to complain about morally incorrect things unless they are religious. Also, the only way you won't be selfish is if you're religious.
To say that selfless acts can only come from working for god is nonsense. I can say that I personally see self-sacrifice and helping others as a generally good thing to aspire to do in your life. Stuckey suggests that the only possible place to do such things is in service to god and religion.
She also posits that right and wrong can only be determined by the "moral authority" that is "our [imaginary] creator." I'm sorry, what the hell kind of message is it to tell people that they're incapable of knowing right from wrong without religion? You're honestly going to suggest to me that the only way to be a good person is to "work for god"?
To say that people who do not buy this religion nonsense have no right to be angry about the Holocaust and slavery if they don't believe in god is egregiously disgusting. And yet, that's more or less what she is saying. It's as though the collective decision of society to tell everyone that mass murder and enslaving others simply because they are different from us are horrible things to do don't even matter. Why?
Because god.
Point three: if you are gay or not cisgender, you are wrong.
Honestly, there's a lot to unpack here and it was hard since there were so many instances of Stuckey pushing these disturbing narratives about who people should be. And all of it was problematic.
According to Stuckey, gender and sexuality other than what has been "normed" by the bible do not exist, should not exist, and are a problem. She practically voices her support for conversion therapy for people who are trans, making statements like "whether he believed he was a girl or not was largely irrelevant," "his god-given biology indicates his gender--period," "will probably grow out of their gender confusion after puberty," and "every compassionate effort, then, should be made to help him reconcile his mind with his body, not the other way around."
She defines marriage as all the homophobic religious sorts do, "as between a man and a woman." Though she does not spend an immense amount of time here, she makes it very clear what she thinks of the LGBTQ community. She holds no respect for them, no care for who they are or how they identify. She sees them as diseased people who need to be "fixed." Marriage, according to Stuckey must be "rooted in creation" as though the only possible reason to be with another person is to procreate.
Point four: you must be a mother.
And really, this isn't all that surprising at all because she later goes on to shame women for not wanting children.
Her opinion on the matter amounts to telling those who've made the mature decision to hold off on having kids to "grow up" and have them already. She suggests that it is women's "god-given" purpose to be a mom more than anything else, "pouring [themselves] out, even when [they] don't feel filled up" because even though they are not enough, "god" is. She even goes on to say that anyone married, mentally stable, and physically able is ready for children, entirely leaving out a whole slew of other reasons why someone might not be ready.
The notion that we were only "put on this earth" to procreate is, honestly, quite disgusting. It's ironic how she talks about motherhood as being selfless; I've always found this ironic, really. So often in life, having a child isn't a selfless act, but rather a selfish one. Some person decides they want a baby and suddenly, here they are, subjecting an innocent child to a potentially difficult life because they just weren't ready for the responsibility. Often, they haven't reached a point where they can devote themselves to adequately raising a human being or weren't financially stable enough. But, wanting a child of their own to love them was more important than ensuring a stable and positive childhood.
Point five: do what I say because god says.
According to Stuckey, our relationships (dating, marriage, etc.) exist only to bring us closer to "god." I've already lost count of the number of times I have rolled my eyes reading this book and writing this review. Therefore, as far as she is concerned, marriage is only something a person should do if their goal is to use it to become closer to "god." She suggests we should be defined by what sort of relationship we have with "god," so therefore if we date and it does not bring us closer to Jesus, we're doing it wrong.
This brings me to her next point, telling us that if we're not married we should be. Stuckey suggests that it is wrong to wait to marry someone. She thinks it's wrong to aspire to have a stable career first, to travel first, wrong to better ourselves first. She calls it a waste of time. "Get married now," she says. And there's something deeply disturbing about this since not only is this Stuckey's advice to her readers, but she goes on to tell us that "husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church and wives are called to submit to their husbands as they submit to the Lord."
And honestly, to this, the main thing I have to say is what the hell? When women push this sort of patriarchal and controlling agenda, I want to scream. "God" forbid women be their own person, forbid they make their own decisions. No, their abusively controlling "god" must dictate their actions and choices. Their husbands lay down the law further. I pity this woman and all who agree with her.
Point six: not racist, but intersectionality is propaganda.
Stuckey spends precious little time on this point, but I think it's important to note that she says it. She seems to be the sort of person who believes racism began and ended back with slavery and the Civil Rights Movement. I hate people like this. They always try to push this fictitious idea that racism no longer exists today. What frustrates me the most about this is that society--especially white society--perpetuates this idea.
I, too, once fell for the idea that racism no longer existed. The way history is taught in the classroom, at least where I grew up and I'm sure in many, many other places always made the way anyone who wasn't white was treated seem like something that was over. It wasn't until I was in high school and even college that I even began to understand the real truth that the world tries so hard to hide. But I digress.
The point is, Stucky tells us intersectionality, as it relates to social justice, is "arbitrary, confusing, and ineffective" and that it has "no place" in religion. She basically uses this argument to suggest that privilege is not a real concern, the wage gap is non-existent, and all this stuff that people fight for in social-justice is nonsense. She posits that social justice is wrong so long as it is secular and the only social care that occurs should come from Christians.
I wish I didn't have to point out that this line of thinking is wrong, but people like Stuckey exist to prove that I need to.
Stuckey is kind of a hypocrite.
The most hilarious piece of this all is the fact that Stuckey regularly insists that one must use logic and facts to recognize that we're not good enough and must be able to prove injustice. I am all about being able to prove injustice and using logic and facts all the time, but honey, you can't pick and choose when these ideas apply to you. You either use logic, facts, and proof with everything or you don't. When you pluck out the facts you like and ignore the facts you don't, you're not spreading some amazing truthful message. You're just a massive hypocrite.
You can't really say you support logic, facts, and proof when you are also suggesting that some invisible being lives up in the sky, created us, and somehow loves us all enough to be massively involved in every minuscule thing that happens in our lives. You can't say you support logic, facts, and proof when you deny science. You can't posit that basic science says only male and female genders exist when you can't even understand the basic science of pregnancy viability.
You can't pick and choose which pieces of science and fact that you like so you can use it against other people, only to throw away the ones that mess with your fictitious faith.
It just doesn't work that way.
In the end, Stuckey's posits regularly that people are not special and not enough, that they are unlovable and undeserving or unworthy of "god's approval and affection." Yet, at the same time, she is pushing this idiotic idea that they're so important as to have this creator that loves them and this demon determined to corrupt them. It's hilarious, really. As a result of Stuckey's inability to decide whether people are insignificant or special, her message doesn't actually add up.
She tells us that we are told, especially if we're little girls, that we are perfect from childhood. This is where I face-palm repeatedly at her inability to recognize just how often little girls are shown and, yes, told that they could never be perfect unless they measure up to an insane number of impossible standards that society thrusts in their faces. This idea that any child is given the opportunity to think that they are perfect is so ludicrous that I'm honestly mind-boggled by it. I don't know where she gets this idea that people tell children they are perfect, but it's a lie.
And funnily enough, she goes on to dispute it toward the end of her book when she tells us that people refer to children as "brats."
With the number of contradictions in her entire book, I don't know how anyone could really take her ideas seriously. But then again, I suppose not everyone is going to pick them out like I did. I've noticed there is often a lot of "believing" without critical thinking or questioning when it comes to faith.
But Stuckey doesn't really care about that. She just cares about "god."
This is a terrible book.
There's plenty I could say about this, but I'm honestly just tired at this point.
I was provided a free copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
February 15, 2020
Appalling- no basis in a God of LOVE but instead further manipulating the poor impressionable people that may already believe this about themselves.
Wake up people God loves you! He created you in his image! He gives you the tools to self improve and self love in an act of honouring him!
Wake up people God loves you! He created you in his image! He gives you the tools to self improve and self love in an act of honouring him!
August 11, 2020
I love Allie Beth Stuckey's podcast "Relatable". I had been waiting so long for this book to come out and it didn't disappoint. This book is full of truth and wisdom that is much needed in today's culture. Allie Beth does a fantastic job of taking apart 5 myths of today's narcissistic culture.
1. Myth #1 - You Are Enough
2. Myth #2 - You Determine Your Truth
3. Myth #3 - You're Perfect The Way You Are
4. Myth #4 - You're Entitled To Your Dreams
5. Myth #5 - You Can't Love Others Until You Love Yourself
This is all from a biblical perspective, just as her podcast is. If you are a fan of her podcast you should love this book. This book is worth your time though, even if you have never listened to her podcast. There aren't nearly enough people pointing out the truths in this book these days. I am so glad Allie Beth wrote this book. It's perfect for the times we are living in. This is my favorite non-fiction book I've read or listened to so far in 2020.
1. Myth #1 - You Are Enough
2. Myth #2 - You Determine Your Truth
3. Myth #3 - You're Perfect The Way You Are
4. Myth #4 - You're Entitled To Your Dreams
5. Myth #5 - You Can't Love Others Until You Love Yourself
This is all from a biblical perspective, just as her podcast is. If you are a fan of her podcast you should love this book. This book is worth your time though, even if you have never listened to her podcast. There aren't nearly enough people pointing out the truths in this book these days. I am so glad Allie Beth wrote this book. It's perfect for the times we are living in. This is my favorite non-fiction book I've read or listened to so far in 2020.
September 12, 2020
LMAO THIS IS NOT AT ALL THE BOOK I THOUGHT IT WAS
just don't read this honestly
can someone take this title and concept and rewrite it without like, being bad and being this lol
edit- why does this review keep getting likes lmao
its not even a proper review
just don't read this honestly
can someone take this title and concept and rewrite it without like, being bad and being this lol
edit- why does this review keep getting likes lmao
its not even a proper review
July 31, 2020
Yikes- is you want to read a book that completely lacks nuance and tackles issues in an extremely one sided, black & white way... this book is for you.
This book was written like a juvenile blog post. The author has an obvious agenda that she blatantly pushes. Very little research founds her claims- in fact, most chapters re- iterate the same opinion over & over. Reading this was a waste of time.
This book was written like a juvenile blog post. The author has an obvious agenda that she blatantly pushes. Very little research founds her claims- in fact, most chapters re- iterate the same opinion over & over. Reading this was a waste of time.
August 17, 2020
This book was AMAZING. It is grounded in real truth which is only from God. I am so encouraged and challenged from reading this book. You won’t regret it; it is life-changing.
May 10, 2020
Allie Beth knocks it out of the park in this book.
She tears down the lies culture tells women on a daily basis about who they are, who they should be, they are enough, you need to love yourself, and many more. She once believed these same lies until she had to make a choice. She doesn’t hold back on her struggles that she went through, to a point we can all relate to those, but seeing how the Lord worked in and through her is amazing.
Ladies, I recommend reading this book.
I graciously received an advance e-copy from netgalley for review. All opinions are my own.
She tears down the lies culture tells women on a daily basis about who they are, who they should be, they are enough, you need to love yourself, and many more. She once believed these same lies until she had to make a choice. She doesn’t hold back on her struggles that she went through, to a point we can all relate to those, but seeing how the Lord worked in and through her is amazing.
Ladies, I recommend reading this book.
I graciously received an advance e-copy from netgalley for review. All opinions are my own.
September 13, 2020
Well, this is the equivalent of a preachy lady on a Sunday. Wondering what the meaning of your life is? Jesus! Have a question or an issue - read the Bible! The gender equality is NORMAL because its said in the Bible. The difference in pay rates between men and women does not exist! And... it is selfish to love yourself first, you should love Jesus and the others more. OMG!!!
January 10, 2021
I really wanted to love this book. The introduction and first chapter addressed some major problems with the self-love culture and pointed her readers to Christ.
The rest of the book she went on political and personal tangents that I felt were unrelated and lacked compassion. She also kept saying that "Jesus defines your purpose" but never fulfilled her promise on showing readers how he does that. Also, while I agree mostly with her sentiments on motherhood and marriage, again, I felt she lacked empathy for those that are in difficult marriages, not yet married, or not mothers and offered overly simplistic solutions like "just get married" or "just have kids." Lastly, she made lots of bold claims about politics and popular Christianity but not once did she cite her sources.
I was hoping this would be a biblically based book that would teach me more about how Christ is enough, how my identity is firmly rooted and grounded in him, and how the world's solutions do not satisfy. Instead, I felt it was more a political piece than anything. Her time spent critiquing progressivism and giving personal anecdotes that I didn't relate to at all would have been better used exegeting Scripture, explaining how God meets needs, and pointing her readers to transcendent truths relatable to anyone.
I'm giving this book 2 stars because the first chapter was good and because we need more books to combat the lies of the self-love culture. However, I don't think this was the most effective book to do that.
The rest of the book she went on political and personal tangents that I felt were unrelated and lacked compassion. She also kept saying that "Jesus defines your purpose" but never fulfilled her promise on showing readers how he does that. Also, while I agree mostly with her sentiments on motherhood and marriage, again, I felt she lacked empathy for those that are in difficult marriages, not yet married, or not mothers and offered overly simplistic solutions like "just get married" or "just have kids." Lastly, she made lots of bold claims about politics and popular Christianity but not once did she cite her sources.
I was hoping this would be a biblically based book that would teach me more about how Christ is enough, how my identity is firmly rooted and grounded in him, and how the world's solutions do not satisfy. Instead, I felt it was more a political piece than anything. Her time spent critiquing progressivism and giving personal anecdotes that I didn't relate to at all would have been better used exegeting Scripture, explaining how God meets needs, and pointing her readers to transcendent truths relatable to anyone.
I'm giving this book 2 stars because the first chapter was good and because we need more books to combat the lies of the self-love culture. However, I don't think this was the most effective book to do that.
August 14, 2020
You need to read this book. First, you're being bombarded everyday with all sorts of lies that may have deep impacts on your daily life. No, you're not perfect the way you are. If you want to dream big, work hard! You're not enough, but that's great!
If you think that you're sufficient on your own, you'll end up in despair and frustration. But if you look to Jesus as your source of strength and sufficiency, you'll be able enjoy the most precious message of the Gospel: in our weakness, Jesus is strong; in our imperfection, Jesus is perfect. And all Jesus deserves by merit, we receive it by grace.
Jesus wants us, even when we don't have it all together, because it is He that makes everything work together for our good. So now we can rest and find joy in the only One who can fully satisfy us.
This is what this book is all about.
Deserves nothing less than 5 stars.
If you think that you're sufficient on your own, you'll end up in despair and frustration. But if you look to Jesus as your source of strength and sufficiency, you'll be able enjoy the most precious message of the Gospel: in our weakness, Jesus is strong; in our imperfection, Jesus is perfect. And all Jesus deserves by merit, we receive it by grace.
Jesus wants us, even when we don't have it all together, because it is He that makes everything work together for our good. So now we can rest and find joy in the only One who can fully satisfy us.
This is what this book is all about.
Deserves nothing less than 5 stars.
August 19, 2020
Honestly, if I could give 0 stars I would. I appreciate her Christian perspective, and yes I agree that we are nothing without Jesus, but the judgement that consistently spews from her mouth is disgusting. Gosh, don't even waste your time.
September 6, 2020
I echo what the author affirms and disparages in this book. I love how she exalts both marriage and singlehood. I agree with her objection to the Christianization of personality tests. She addresses what’s wrong with the self-love movement and puts focus on Scripture.
I can see those who don’t agree with her biblically will find this book discouraging, simplistic and even offensive. The foundation of Stuckey’s message is the Bible. Unless the reader also affirms the authority of the Bible in his/her life, the message of the book will sound ridiculous, but it is the truth.
I encourage young women to abandon Hollis’s (“Girl, Wash Your Face” author) self-love gospel and embrace Stuckey’s biblical view of self instead.
“You’re not enough. You were never meant to be enough and that’s good news!”
I can see those who don’t agree with her biblically will find this book discouraging, simplistic and even offensive. The foundation of Stuckey’s message is the Bible. Unless the reader also affirms the authority of the Bible in his/her life, the message of the book will sound ridiculous, but it is the truth.
I encourage young women to abandon Hollis’s (“Girl, Wash Your Face” author) self-love gospel and embrace Stuckey’s biblical view of self instead.
“You’re not enough. You were never meant to be enough and that’s good news!”
April 17, 2020
I walked into this book with high hopes. I was looking for a book that would make me feel better about struggling as a mom, wife and teacher during this Covid-19 quarantine. Sadly this book made me feel like I’m not enough because I’m not conservative enough, because I’m not religious enough. Allie Beth Stuckey is a conservative podcaster who is so far right that it is hard to make connections to her. I believe that there are more gray areas in life than black and white, yet she seems the world in black and white. This is not a self help book, this is a conservative motherhood book, which is not what I needed in this time.
April 17, 2021
This was fantastic. I have so many tabs and so many things underlined. It's so good, points to Christ which is where we should be looking. Our culture has become so self-centered and this book points out how unfulfilling that mindset is. I recommend this so highly! Such a refreshing read from a Christ-centered perspective! 💕
October 21, 2022
The message of this book is so important, for the most part I enjoyed the read. It was thought provoking and really made a lot of good points. The only problems I had were all the long words, I was reading aloud as a devotional with my sisters so I got tongue twisted pretty often and we often has to read something twice and pause to let the sentence and it's long words fully register.
Self-love is definitely a problem in our culture and our worth should be found in God and God alone.
The last part on not needing to love yourself to love others was one that went a bit contradictory to what my dad has always taught us girls, in that we need to know our worth and love ourselves, not in an absorbed with ourselves sort of way, but in a way that will keep us from letting people run over us. You have to know that you have value and are worth being loved for a relationship to work. Since my dad has done marriage counseling, and my parents have an amazing marriage, I'll taking his word on that side of things.
We aren't enough, that is okay because God in His infinite mercy is enough and He loves us, therefore through Him we have worth and are enough!
This is a good book for older teens, moms, and young single or married women...I definitely think a lot could be gleaned from it by reading it with others and getting everyone's opinion...maybe even doing a Bible study on love alongside it.
Self-love is definitely a problem in our culture and our worth should be found in God and God alone.
The last part on not needing to love yourself to love others was one that went a bit contradictory to what my dad has always taught us girls, in that we need to know our worth and love ourselves, not in an absorbed with ourselves sort of way, but in a way that will keep us from letting people run over us. You have to know that you have value and are worth being loved for a relationship to work. Since my dad has done marriage counseling, and my parents have an amazing marriage, I'll taking his word on that side of things.
We aren't enough, that is okay because God in His infinite mercy is enough and He loves us, therefore through Him we have worth and are enough!
This is a good book for older teens, moms, and young single or married women...I definitely think a lot could be gleaned from it by reading it with others and getting everyone's opinion...maybe even doing a Bible study on love alongside it.
May 8, 2020
I found this book refreshing. Certainly a paradigm shift from what is being expressed in social media from popular podcast, bloggers and even some popular Christian influencers. Love how the author uses real examples from modern culture as evidence to support her claims. The thought that not being enough is humbling and the complete opposite of the self help slogans that are totes and popularized daily by social media. The message is clear, I’m not enough and that’s a good thing, that’s why I need Jesus.
December 30, 2020
I love Jesus deeply. I’m an orthodox Christian with theological views that would land me squarely in the evangelical camp, & maybe even fundamentalist to some. I even have my Bachelor’s degree in Biblical & Theological Studies.
& I freakin hated this book.
Stuckey seemed to work very hard to bring up every controversial topic that she could fit into these 180-some pages, so much so that it seemed forced. She also loved to specifically quote people then explain why something they said was terribly wrong & unbiblical.
She makes extreme assertions then cites no sources to back them up (ie: the gender wage gap does not exist).
What she criticizes or outright denounces includes but is not limited to:
Brene Brown
Social justice
The Enneagram & all other personality tests
Intersectionality
Lizzo
Body positivity
Choosing not to have children
She nearly asserts that she recovered from an eating disorder because she trusted God enough. As someone in ed recovery, this alone was highly offensive & hurtful & a huge turnoff, but I promised my mom I would read this book, so I was trapped for the remaining 160 pages.
I thought the final two chapters did actually have some merit. The Christian ethic she laid out of dating & marriage was quite good (though, there are many books with excellent advice that you won’t have to slog through a ton of negativity to get to). However, in “Myth #4, You’re Entitled to Your Dreams”, she makes the case that glorifying God is what is important, not achieving your dream job, then immediately describes how she achieved her dream job. (?!)
Honestly I had to pray more for God to help me to extend grace & kindness toward the author when all I wanted to do is chuck this book out of the closest window.
& I freakin hated this book.
Stuckey seemed to work very hard to bring up every controversial topic that she could fit into these 180-some pages, so much so that it seemed forced. She also loved to specifically quote people then explain why something they said was terribly wrong & unbiblical.
She makes extreme assertions then cites no sources to back them up (ie: the gender wage gap does not exist).
What she criticizes or outright denounces includes but is not limited to:
Brene Brown
Social justice
The Enneagram & all other personality tests
Intersectionality
Lizzo
Body positivity
Choosing not to have children
She nearly asserts that she recovered from an eating disorder because she trusted God enough. As someone in ed recovery, this alone was highly offensive & hurtful & a huge turnoff, but I promised my mom I would read this book, so I was trapped for the remaining 160 pages.
I thought the final two chapters did actually have some merit. The Christian ethic she laid out of dating & marriage was quite good (though, there are many books with excellent advice that you won’t have to slog through a ton of negativity to get to). However, in “Myth #4, You’re Entitled to Your Dreams”, she makes the case that glorifying God is what is important, not achieving your dream job, then immediately describes how she achieved her dream job. (?!)
Honestly I had to pray more for God to help me to extend grace & kindness toward the author when all I wanted to do is chuck this book out of the closest window.
dnf
December 1, 2020I heard good things about this book and now I really wish I could remember where. I was just filling out my bookish spreadsheet and looking up the author when I read her bio and found out she often speaks on Fox News... so... that's going to be a DNF (or a not even going to start for me).
October 16, 2024
I read this book a few years ago, and I still think about it. It was so refreshing to read a book that counteracted the messages common in the self-love culture and provided truths that point to Christ instead. Although small, the messages in this book are powerful and relevant in our culture today.
Allie uses Biblical truth and personal stories to target these phrases we hear in our culture:
⇢ You are enough
⇢ You determine your truth
⇢ You’re perfect the way you are
⇢ You’re entitled to your dreams
⇢ You can’t love others until you love yourself
It can be so easy to fall into the mindset that if we truly learn to love and focus on ourselves, all of our struggles and insecurities will disappear. If we just love ourselves a little more and check a few more things off our list of goals, we will be led to fulfillment and satisfaction. But in my experience… that’s never how it goes. It often leads to an unhealthy cycle full of impossible standards, exhaustion, and feelings of failure. It leads to the constant need to put ourselves first and above everything else, losing sight of what’s most important: Christ and His truth.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with finding contentment in whom God created us to be; there is so much beauty in that. But it’s important to remember that our true identity, purpose, and value are found in Jesus.✨
I highly recommend this book, and I think it’s great for teen girls & women🌸
Allie uses Biblical truth and personal stories to target these phrases we hear in our culture:
⇢ You are enough
⇢ You determine your truth
⇢ You’re perfect the way you are
⇢ You’re entitled to your dreams
⇢ You can’t love others until you love yourself
It can be so easy to fall into the mindset that if we truly learn to love and focus on ourselves, all of our struggles and insecurities will disappear. If we just love ourselves a little more and check a few more things off our list of goals, we will be led to fulfillment and satisfaction. But in my experience… that’s never how it goes. It often leads to an unhealthy cycle full of impossible standards, exhaustion, and feelings of failure. It leads to the constant need to put ourselves first and above everything else, losing sight of what’s most important: Christ and His truth.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with finding contentment in whom God created us to be; there is so much beauty in that. But it’s important to remember that our true identity, purpose, and value are found in Jesus.✨
I highly recommend this book, and I think it’s great for teen girls & women🌸
January 5, 2024
4 stars
I saw someone share this book on Instagram and I was so intrigued by the title and cover. I’m glad I picked it up. There were so many good things in this one! I didn’t 100% agree with everything, but I think that goes for most non-fiction books like this. We're not enough- and that's okay! I love this. The pressure to love yourself no matter what etc is so stressful and high pressure for someone like me. I do want to add, this book was written for Christians and if you’re not one, you probably won’t get much out of it or enjoy it x
I saw someone share this book on Instagram and I was so intrigued by the title and cover. I’m glad I picked it up. There were so many good things in this one! I didn’t 100% agree with everything, but I think that goes for most non-fiction books like this. We're not enough- and that's okay! I love this. The pressure to love yourself no matter what etc is so stressful and high pressure for someone like me. I do want to add, this book was written for Christians and if you’re not one, you probably won’t get much out of it or enjoy it x
The truth is we can't find satisfaction inside ourselves because we are the problem. We struggle with feelings of inadequacy because we are inadequate. Alone, we are not good enough, smart enough, or beautiful enough. We're not enough--period. And that's okay, because God is.
The answer to our insufficiency and insecurity isn't self-love, but God's love.
Audio book source: Libby
Story Rating: 4 stars
Narrators: Allie Beth Stuckey
Narration Rating: 4 stars
Genre: Non-fiction
Length: 3h 54m
April 25, 2020
I love sharing books that speak truth and are also encouraging biblically, and this new book by Allie Beth Stuckey, You’re Not Enough (and That’s OK)~Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love, is exactly that! First, if you haven’t heard of Allie, go search her out, she has a great podcast titled, Relatable, where she talks about culture, news and the Bible from a conservative, reformed perspective. Her book is very similar, though she shares a little more of her backstory in the book, that I have not known before. She shares these parts of her life and failures she has made throughout the book and what she has learned in the process while pointing to our only true hope and savior, Jesus Christ. She shows you where our true identity, purpose, value, and truth come from. This comes from studying God’s Word, as she points out in the book, “it is necessary for Christians to form their worldviews and establish their moral compasses, and yet tragically, many Americans who identify as Christians don’t know their Bibles.” Instead, she states, “they hold to a faith that’s a mixture of God’s truth and their own truth.”
In addition, in this book, Allie tackles some of the liberal agenda and what seems like popular ideas out there from a Biblical conservative view. Think the opposite of some of those books out there like Girl Wash Your Face or Fierce, Free & Full of Fire. She may or may not mention those in the book, along with some other well known false teachers and propaganda out there. Which makes this book a great read, though I would say it is geared more towards the younger/millennials generation. This book helps to dismantle the lies in our culture today, such as: you are enough, you determine your truth, you’re perfect the way you are, you’re entitled to your dreams, and you can’t love others until you love yourself.
She makes many great points in the book, here are a few:
“Christians do not need “social justice.” We have the Word of God as our guide to what causes to care about and how to fight for them.”
“most people build their value system based on what feels good and what’s convenient, Christians are called to a higher standard – one that guarantees self-denial and difficulty.”
“The call for Christians is not to be the best version of their personality type, but to be like Christ. No matter what our natural inclinations, strengths, or deficits may be, we are all called to live holy lives.”
“Rather than follow our hearts, as we’re so often encouraged to do, we should question them.”
“God, our authority, says work exists for His glory and our good. He also assures us that though our work won’t always be fruitful, He will always be faithful. He doesn’t promise that all our dreams will come true or that our goals will be reached…”
“Jesus isn’t one of self-love or self-affirmation, but self-denial, Jesus asks his disciples to take up their crosses and follow him. He is not a genie waiting to fulfill our wishes, He is not a cheerleader standing on the sidelines of the game of life. He is Lord. The Great I Am. Our Creator, Sustainer, Reconciler, and Hope. He is a King to be worshipped and a Leader to be followed. He does not exist for us, but we exist for him. He is counter to what the world offers us in self-absorption and fleeting happiness, and he’s so much better.”
We are not enough, and we were never meant to be. That’s good news!”
In addition, in this book, Allie tackles some of the liberal agenda and what seems like popular ideas out there from a Biblical conservative view. Think the opposite of some of those books out there like Girl Wash Your Face or Fierce, Free & Full of Fire. She may or may not mention those in the book, along with some other well known false teachers and propaganda out there. Which makes this book a great read, though I would say it is geared more towards the younger/millennials generation. This book helps to dismantle the lies in our culture today, such as: you are enough, you determine your truth, you’re perfect the way you are, you’re entitled to your dreams, and you can’t love others until you love yourself.
She makes many great points in the book, here are a few:
“Christians do not need “social justice.” We have the Word of God as our guide to what causes to care about and how to fight for them.”
“most people build their value system based on what feels good and what’s convenient, Christians are called to a higher standard – one that guarantees self-denial and difficulty.”
“The call for Christians is not to be the best version of their personality type, but to be like Christ. No matter what our natural inclinations, strengths, or deficits may be, we are all called to live holy lives.”
“Rather than follow our hearts, as we’re so often encouraged to do, we should question them.”
“God, our authority, says work exists for His glory and our good. He also assures us that though our work won’t always be fruitful, He will always be faithful. He doesn’t promise that all our dreams will come true or that our goals will be reached…”
“Jesus isn’t one of self-love or self-affirmation, but self-denial, Jesus asks his disciples to take up their crosses and follow him. He is not a genie waiting to fulfill our wishes, He is not a cheerleader standing on the sidelines of the game of life. He is Lord. The Great I Am. Our Creator, Sustainer, Reconciler, and Hope. He is a King to be worshipped and a Leader to be followed. He does not exist for us, but we exist for him. He is counter to what the world offers us in self-absorption and fleeting happiness, and he’s so much better.”
We are not enough, and we were never meant to be. That’s good news!”
August 15, 2020
An absolutely captivating, refreshing message grounded in Truth. As a former devotee to “self love” culture, I was absolutely miserable. Chasing after the world was so unfulfilling until Jesus captured my heart. Allie inquires that if the only constant in life is shifting cultural values/societal standards, why are we aiming to appease our fickle hearts? Her arguments are laid out beautifully. Such a freeing read.
August 16, 2021
Well, I don’t know how to begin this, because this book made me mad so many times, I was close to abandoning it but eventually I read all of it because sometimes you have to read perspectives that do not align with your own, so here we go. It could have been a good book, if not for the Christian propaganda. I would have included quotes if I hadn’t deleted my e-book (with all the notes) by accident🤡. The author had some (but very few) good points in this book, but that is too little unfortunately. I think the author didn’t understand what 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 actually refers to, and she went on rambling about how people think of themselves as 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 (which I don’t think that is the case). I don’t think this refers to flawlessness, but the fact that we often ask too much from ourselves (as a perfectionist myself, I know the feeling) and we want to be a thousand things and do one thousand things a day, and then we realize that we are not able to do everything we want, and sometimes it is better to give ourselves a break and that is ok to not do everything. But she took it too far. And also the 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 thing. Oh my. I think it refers strictly to romantic relationships, not all the people in our lives, but of course she had to exaggerate *eye roll*. Also the affirmations about abortion really got to me, saying that women ”reject motherhood” , like she just ignores the consequences of bringing unwanted children into this world. It’s not like everyone wakes up one day and says 𝘖𝘩, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯!, it is a basic human right..So funny that pro-lifers rarely (if ever) mention children in foster care, like what about them??? They WERE born. And that case she mentioned with the kid and saying that the gender you were born (given by God) is the gender you should live with the rest of your life *disgust*. And that every woman should be a mother if she can, but what if she doesn’t want to? Also the fact that believers only take ”the word of God” into account, and not ”trends”, like lol 😂.
𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥. 𝘞𝘦’𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦; 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘴. How are you so sure? Like you can believe in any religion and be a shitty person, you don’t have any guarantee.
Mostly this book sounded like wE-bElievE-iN-GoD-anD-wE-aRe-bEtTeR-tHaN-tHe-rEsT and the many times she used ”unbiblical”. Huge yikesss
𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥. 𝘞𝘦’𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦; 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘴. How are you so sure? Like you can believe in any religion and be a shitty person, you don’t have any guarantee.
Mostly this book sounded like wE-bElievE-iN-GoD-anD-wE-aRe-bEtTeR-tHaN-tHe-rEsT and the many times she used ”unbiblical”. Huge yikesss
July 24, 2020
One of the topics Allie covers a lot on her podcast is the toxic culture of self-love and "trendy narcissism." She has really opened my eyes to how prevalent it is in our culture, so I was excited to hear she was covering the topic even deeper in her book. She covers five myths that self-love culture tells us, and lays out the truth from God’s Word that is so much better. It really is so freeing to know that we are not enough, but God is!
Allie does such a great job pointing out and dismantling the lies that can be so subtle, but are so pervasive, even in Christian culture. I really appreciate her emphasis on Biblical truth and sound theology, and how she addresses each of the self-love myths in the book from all angles - political, cultural, and spiritual. I highly recommend this book and Allie's podcast, Relatable, to all Christian women, especially young women, as we are so easily influenced by social media and the culture around us. You can see videos of her podcast episodes on YouTube, too!
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley, but I also purchased a physical copy - that's how much I loved it! Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.
Allie does such a great job pointing out and dismantling the lies that can be so subtle, but are so pervasive, even in Christian culture. I really appreciate her emphasis on Biblical truth and sound theology, and how she addresses each of the self-love myths in the book from all angles - political, cultural, and spiritual. I highly recommend this book and Allie's podcast, Relatable, to all Christian women, especially young women, as we are so easily influenced by social media and the culture around us. You can see videos of her podcast episodes on YouTube, too!
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley, but I also purchased a physical copy - that's how much I loved it! Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.
August 7, 2025
reread and such a good reminder of how freeing self forgetfulness is.
August 13, 2020
Read in under 3 hours right after it came to my doorstep today. Absolutely incredible book - and truly required reading for anyone who believes the empty words of the self-help gurus of today. If you’re not a Christian and have no desire to ever become one - this book ain’t for you!! To those reading the negative reviews, take heart that there is most likely no way these people have 1) read the book fully (it came out yesterday) and 2) have the belief system this book is speaking to. So let’s go ahead and disregard those, yeah? Allie is an incredible writer, and her words are truly special. You won’t be able to put this book down!
October 26, 2021
It is clear that the author had good intentions and is trying to help people. However I would disagree with the words she used and the tone in which those words were delivered.
It is clear that the author had a safe and loving upbringing and did not experience true trauma. No I did not miss the part where her college boyfriend broke up with her and she turned down a path of self-harm. Her boyfriend breaking up with her was something that he did for himself, not to her.
It is clear that the author is bringing forth opinions that come from her own experiences and perspective. As we all do. Her experiences were very different from my own and thus this book did not resonate with me. In fact I found many parts to be degrading and perpetuating shame.
I would not recommend this book for anyone in a vulnerable position or trying to recover from trauma.
I think this book was written for people exactly like the author.
It is clear that the author had a safe and loving upbringing and did not experience true trauma. No I did not miss the part where her college boyfriend broke up with her and she turned down a path of self-harm. Her boyfriend breaking up with her was something that he did for himself, not to her.
It is clear that the author is bringing forth opinions that come from her own experiences and perspective. As we all do. Her experiences were very different from my own and thus this book did not resonate with me. In fact I found many parts to be degrading and perpetuating shame.
I would not recommend this book for anyone in a vulnerable position or trying to recover from trauma.
I think this book was written for people exactly like the author.
February 7, 2023
3.5 stars. I admire the author a lot, the book is definitely full of Biblical truth, and the overall message about today’s “toxic culture of self-love” is absolutely true and important. On the other hand, it bounces around so much (from critical race theory to personality tests to dating advice to marriage and motherhood …) that it can come across as superficial and over-simplistic at times. I agree that there is a solid Biblical basis for the points that she makes, but I don’t think a book this length can really do justice to this range of topics.
I think that a Christian woman who is already well grounded in Scripture can appreciate this book, find some good reminders in it and maybe learn something new. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it to a newer believer, although it might be a good starting point to begin thinking critically (and Biblically) about the message of self-love and how it plays out in various areas.
I think that a Christian woman who is already well grounded in Scripture can appreciate this book, find some good reminders in it and maybe learn something new. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it to a newer believer, although it might be a good starting point to begin thinking critically (and Biblically) about the message of self-love and how it plays out in various areas.
September 4, 2020
I love Allie Beth Stuckey. This book felt like sitting with a friend, reminding ourselves of our identity in Christ. Highly recommend for any women struggling with their identity, especially young women. A breath of air in our current self love culture.
September 8, 2020
I was thinking about a higher rating through most of this book. Stuckey makes a lot of great points, and I agree with her five myths. I understand that her tone is supposed to be somewhat shocking and revolutionary. That's the whole shtick.
First, the good. There’s a lot of good here, and I’ve highlighted a few quotes that really stuck out to me.
"If we worship the God of Scripture, we trust him ... If we worship the god of self, we'll sacrifice anything on its altar to satisfy its demand." (46-47)
"The new self sees these expectations as good boundaries set by the Father who loves her, not inhibitions hindering her 'true self,' because her 'true self' is the person God calls her to be, empowered to love him and others and to pursue holiness. This means mistakes and failures and sins do exist. They're not just experiences to learn from, and they're not other people's fault or harmless habits typical of our personality type; they're choices to regret. Not everything taboo needs to 'destigmatized' or 'normalized.' For the Christian, some behavior has a stigma and is abnormal because God says it should be." (102-103)
"It's important to distinguish between real and valid. Our feelings may be real in that we truly feel them, but they're not valid if they're not based in reality. Our feelings can be very much irrational. If followed, they can send us into a spiral of discouragement and despair. They can lead us to resent people who don't deserve our resentment. They can fill our minds with fear that doesn't need to be there. Worse yet, they can compel us to say or do something that we'll regret and will hurt those around us." (113)
"While all valid feelings are real, not all real feelings are valid. That means we can acknowledge our emotions without affirming them." (114)
"But those who bow down to the God of Scripture know that our emotions don't have the final say in our lives, God does. While our feelings change, God doesn't." (116)
"Christian marriage reminds us continually that we're not enough - not for ourselves or for each other - and that God alone gives us our satisfaction and our strength to hang on when being together feels more like work than romance." (174)
Where she lost me was in the last 30 pages with her push for early marriage and immediate motherhood for all women. She makes a lot of assumptions that were true for her but unfortunately not for all of us: models of healthy marriages to mirror, a lot of help and support in their early parenting days, and the resources to afford marriage and parenting at a young age. I found the following quotes alarming, insensitive and even a bit offensive (the second one especially), and would recommend the book as a whole only with a huge caveat in regards to her position here:
"My humble advice: if you can, get married. And now." (174)
"But if you're putting off kids because you're just not ready for that kind of commitment, I'll tell you what someone probably should have told me two years ago: it's time to grow up. It's time to ask God to help your emotional maturity match your biological reality. If you are a mentally stable and physically able married adult woman, you are ready to have children. (p 184)"
Whoa. Just whoa there, girl. So many of her other points have a Scriptural backing, but this is strictly her opinion and I feel that this "advice" is harmful to the immature and impressionable Christian in her audience.
First, the good. There’s a lot of good here, and I’ve highlighted a few quotes that really stuck out to me.
"If we worship the God of Scripture, we trust him ... If we worship the god of self, we'll sacrifice anything on its altar to satisfy its demand." (46-47)
"The new self sees these expectations as good boundaries set by the Father who loves her, not inhibitions hindering her 'true self,' because her 'true self' is the person God calls her to be, empowered to love him and others and to pursue holiness. This means mistakes and failures and sins do exist. They're not just experiences to learn from, and they're not other people's fault or harmless habits typical of our personality type; they're choices to regret. Not everything taboo needs to 'destigmatized' or 'normalized.' For the Christian, some behavior has a stigma and is abnormal because God says it should be." (102-103)
"It's important to distinguish between real and valid. Our feelings may be real in that we truly feel them, but they're not valid if they're not based in reality. Our feelings can be very much irrational. If followed, they can send us into a spiral of discouragement and despair. They can lead us to resent people who don't deserve our resentment. They can fill our minds with fear that doesn't need to be there. Worse yet, they can compel us to say or do something that we'll regret and will hurt those around us." (113)
"While all valid feelings are real, not all real feelings are valid. That means we can acknowledge our emotions without affirming them." (114)
"But those who bow down to the God of Scripture know that our emotions don't have the final say in our lives, God does. While our feelings change, God doesn't." (116)
"Christian marriage reminds us continually that we're not enough - not for ourselves or for each other - and that God alone gives us our satisfaction and our strength to hang on when being together feels more like work than romance." (174)
Where she lost me was in the last 30 pages with her push for early marriage and immediate motherhood for all women. She makes a lot of assumptions that were true for her but unfortunately not for all of us: models of healthy marriages to mirror, a lot of help and support in their early parenting days, and the resources to afford marriage and parenting at a young age. I found the following quotes alarming, insensitive and even a bit offensive (the second one especially), and would recommend the book as a whole only with a huge caveat in regards to her position here:
"My humble advice: if you can, get married. And now." (174)
"But if you're putting off kids because you're just not ready for that kind of commitment, I'll tell you what someone probably should have told me two years ago: it's time to grow up. It's time to ask God to help your emotional maturity match your biological reality. If you are a mentally stable and physically able married adult woman, you are ready to have children. (p 184)"
Whoa. Just whoa there, girl. So many of her other points have a Scriptural backing, but this is strictly her opinion and I feel that this "advice" is harmful to the immature and impressionable Christian in her audience.
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