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Addicted to Perfect: A Journey Out of the Grips of Adderall
Perfection is a mask we use to avoid pain. We think that if we can achieve perfection, we will achieve happiness. We believe that if we can avoid pain, we can also avoid abandonment and loneliness and unworthiness.
Perfection is the thief of joy. It’s a lie that keeps us in a stranglehold of chaos and people-pleasing and addiction and lack. Perfection says we are never good enough. It holds us back from being our truest, most authentic selves.
Author Vitale Buford spent nearly three decades of her life in the web of perfection. The roots of her perfection were born in her childhood - she had a dysfunctional home-life fraught with alcoholism, workaholism and shame. This combination created an environment of neglect, where the only way Vitale got attention was to be perfect. She was praised for being an “easy child,” “pretty,” and “self-motivated,” so that’s what she tried to be. Her need for perfection and outside success was coupled with her body image obsession. It was also a distraction from the pain of abandonment and loneliness she experienced in her childhood. It was the perfect storm – she tied her self-worth to her external success and her appearance, and hence, her addiction to perfection was born.
The need for perfection followed her to college, and when she started gaining weight, she became obsessed with dieting to make her body smaller and more acceptable. She worked hard in college and got good grades, but her body shame was all consuming. Her junior year of college, she was introduced to Adderall as a “study drug.” She used it for a few months – and ended up losing 20 pounds; she also got her best grades ever with her most rigorous course load. She was sure she had discovered the “perfect drug.” She was able to obtain her own prescription the following year. It hooked her immediately. She was addicted not only to Adderall but also to the perfection and the weight loss and her newfound ability to accomplish projects and tasks with ease. This was the beginning of a 10-year love affair with Adderall.
In Addicted to Perfect, Vitale shares the highs and lows of having been a slave to Adderall, the destructive relationships that ensued, and the way that she finally broke free. She details the many twists and turns involved in the years leading up to her getting sober and the eating disorder that followed her into sobriety. It took parenthood and radical honesty for her to begin the road to true healing.
Perfectionism is no longer something that enslaves her, and Vitale’s story is one of hope that no matter where you are in your life, you can release the grip of perfection. You can heal your pain and your abandonment and your loneliness and your fear and your guilt and your shame. You can experience true freedom, and most importantly, replace perfection with self-love.
Perfection is the thief of joy. It’s a lie that keeps us in a stranglehold of chaos and people-pleasing and addiction and lack. Perfection says we are never good enough. It holds us back from being our truest, most authentic selves.
Author Vitale Buford spent nearly three decades of her life in the web of perfection. The roots of her perfection were born in her childhood - she had a dysfunctional home-life fraught with alcoholism, workaholism and shame. This combination created an environment of neglect, where the only way Vitale got attention was to be perfect. She was praised for being an “easy child,” “pretty,” and “self-motivated,” so that’s what she tried to be. Her need for perfection and outside success was coupled with her body image obsession. It was also a distraction from the pain of abandonment and loneliness she experienced in her childhood. It was the perfect storm – she tied her self-worth to her external success and her appearance, and hence, her addiction to perfection was born.
The need for perfection followed her to college, and when she started gaining weight, she became obsessed with dieting to make her body smaller and more acceptable. She worked hard in college and got good grades, but her body shame was all consuming. Her junior year of college, she was introduced to Adderall as a “study drug.” She used it for a few months – and ended up losing 20 pounds; she also got her best grades ever with her most rigorous course load. She was sure she had discovered the “perfect drug.” She was able to obtain her own prescription the following year. It hooked her immediately. She was addicted not only to Adderall but also to the perfection and the weight loss and her newfound ability to accomplish projects and tasks with ease. This was the beginning of a 10-year love affair with Adderall.
In Addicted to Perfect, Vitale shares the highs and lows of having been a slave to Adderall, the destructive relationships that ensued, and the way that she finally broke free. She details the many twists and turns involved in the years leading up to her getting sober and the eating disorder that followed her into sobriety. It took parenthood and radical honesty for her to begin the road to true healing.
Perfectionism is no longer something that enslaves her, and Vitale’s story is one of hope that no matter where you are in your life, you can release the grip of perfection. You can heal your pain and your abandonment and your loneliness and your fear and your guilt and your shame. You can experience true freedom, and most importantly, replace perfection with self-love.
208 pages, Hardcover
Published March 30, 2020
49 people are currently reading
408 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 55 reviews
February 9, 2022
I love memoirs, but this one was too self absorbed. The author doesn’t have a whole lot of self awareness and is constantly playing victim with her family. She whines a lot, which comes off entitled. It’s not lost on me that she is doing a ton of illegal activity but as a white woman faces zero consequences. It’s very cringey.
October 5, 2021
Terrible book by a terrible person.
Let me start off by saying that I hope this is largely fictionalized.
The author is consistently just … mean. She’s mean to everyone but saves her heaviest blows for her mother and her sister. I can’t imagine a family that would stay in contact after she not only said but *actually published* her unflinchingly petty and self-centered critiques of everyone but herself. I listened to the whole book thinking a painful self-realization was just around the corner, but no. She’s the hero of this story.
Assuming the book is somewhat true, it is obvious from the first few minutes that the author has been traumatized in the past. Her mother is clearly emotionally abusive. That’s enough. There’s no need to find any further source of trauma. An abusive parent is traumatic. Still, she circles around the idea that she was molested in daycare. Finally an aunt tells her she outcried when she was three. Triumphant, she tells her therapist that she was molested. When he challenges that sudden realization after years of therapy without other signs of that particular type of trauma, she ignores him. She knows her truth. She doesn’t need permission from anybody to pin all her problematic behavior on one incident that may or may not have actually happened.
Maybe it really did—we just don’t know because there is no exploration of it. We’re just supposed to accept it along with her or she’ll walk away from us like she did her therapist at the end of that session.
I guess that gets to my real issue with this book. As mean as the author is, as self-centered and obnoxious as she seems proud to be, the book doesn’t make any sense.
Which editor let this shoddy manuscript see the light of day?
Good books have been written about bad people. (The Picture of Dorian Gray comes to mind.) But those books clearly tell a story. There is plot. There is cause and effect.
The author loves helping her family; she’s the decision-maker and leader. And then, without any explanation, she hates that role and hates her family for forcing her to accept it. She loves her dog and sees him as a bridge to her nephew, but when she adopts her nephew she is “all alone.” Tom resents her one day and is deeply in love the next. Oh, and somewhere near the end she seems to start caring what God thinks.
My favorite non sequitur is when, halfway through what the author admits is a half-assed attempt at completing AA’s twelve steps, her sister is in a terrible car crash. Remember, this sister is the loser drug addict who the author used to beg for Adderall. The author thanks God that she was able to give her half-assed amends to her sister before the accident. The sister survives, but her presence is minimized. In that moment, though, when her sister might have died, the author was thinking about the boxes she was able to check off a list she admits mattered little to her.
The overarching story is salvageable: Woman struggles with the world’s expectations and finally decides to tell the world to get lost. Adderall is part of that journey. So is alcohol. And so is a completely irredeemable mother.
Salvageable but not terribly interesting.
The part that drew me in initially was the idea that the problem wasn’t exactly Adderall. The problem was perfection. Adderall was a means to an end. I had hoped for a condemnation of unrealistic expectations in all area of life: work, body image, family.
Unfortunately, I’ve come away disappointed. The author mentions perfection a lot but doesn’t really wrestle with it as an idea. That’s disappointing, since she seems particularly positioned to know and explain the illusory nature of “perfection.” If a week of all-nighters doesn’t get you what you want, maybe you should think about whether what you want is even possible.
The author touches on how she was more productive sober than on Adderall, but she never questions the value of productivity.
This book reads like a frenzied first draft—but not frenzied in a way that would imply the breakneck pace of life on Adderall. It’s more like the quickly rising mound of a chain smoker’s ash tray.
It’s all there; now you figure out what to do with it.
And once we have it, she takes it away.
Remember the irredeemable mother? The author thanks her at the end for her constant love and “for giving [her] the courage to follow [her] dreams.”
Was the irredeemable mother an exaggeration? Or does the author interpret her actions as constant love?
Even though her mom is emotionally abusive in every scene and constantly criticizes the author’s weight and life choices, the latter interpretation would be more believable, given what little I know about trauma bonding and codependency.
But that brings us back to the beginning. If she thinks her mom loves her, why does she spend so much time belittling her in the book?
…
The only part of the book that is obviously fictional is the names of the doctors the author uses to get Adderall. I lost count by the end, but each doctor was numbered chronologically. She went to Doctor One before Doctor Two and then Doctor Three, etc.
Everything else…
Now that I think about it, it’s interesting that someone so obsessed with perfection would put out a book with so many imperfections. Maybe she’s learning to let go. I hope so.
But you should let the book go too.
Let me start off by saying that I hope this is largely fictionalized.
The author is consistently just … mean. She’s mean to everyone but saves her heaviest blows for her mother and her sister. I can’t imagine a family that would stay in contact after she not only said but *actually published* her unflinchingly petty and self-centered critiques of everyone but herself. I listened to the whole book thinking a painful self-realization was just around the corner, but no. She’s the hero of this story.
Assuming the book is somewhat true, it is obvious from the first few minutes that the author has been traumatized in the past. Her mother is clearly emotionally abusive. That’s enough. There’s no need to find any further source of trauma. An abusive parent is traumatic. Still, she circles around the idea that she was molested in daycare. Finally an aunt tells her she outcried when she was three. Triumphant, she tells her therapist that she was molested. When he challenges that sudden realization after years of therapy without other signs of that particular type of trauma, she ignores him. She knows her truth. She doesn’t need permission from anybody to pin all her problematic behavior on one incident that may or may not have actually happened.
Maybe it really did—we just don’t know because there is no exploration of it. We’re just supposed to accept it along with her or she’ll walk away from us like she did her therapist at the end of that session.
I guess that gets to my real issue with this book. As mean as the author is, as self-centered and obnoxious as she seems proud to be, the book doesn’t make any sense.
Which editor let this shoddy manuscript see the light of day?
Good books have been written about bad people. (The Picture of Dorian Gray comes to mind.) But those books clearly tell a story. There is plot. There is cause and effect.
The author loves helping her family; she’s the decision-maker and leader. And then, without any explanation, she hates that role and hates her family for forcing her to accept it. She loves her dog and sees him as a bridge to her nephew, but when she adopts her nephew she is “all alone.” Tom resents her one day and is deeply in love the next. Oh, and somewhere near the end she seems to start caring what God thinks.
My favorite non sequitur is when, halfway through what the author admits is a half-assed attempt at completing AA’s twelve steps, her sister is in a terrible car crash. Remember, this sister is the loser drug addict who the author used to beg for Adderall. The author thanks God that she was able to give her half-assed amends to her sister before the accident. The sister survives, but her presence is minimized. In that moment, though, when her sister might have died, the author was thinking about the boxes she was able to check off a list she admits mattered little to her.
The overarching story is salvageable: Woman struggles with the world’s expectations and finally decides to tell the world to get lost. Adderall is part of that journey. So is alcohol. And so is a completely irredeemable mother.
Salvageable but not terribly interesting.
The part that drew me in initially was the idea that the problem wasn’t exactly Adderall. The problem was perfection. Adderall was a means to an end. I had hoped for a condemnation of unrealistic expectations in all area of life: work, body image, family.
Unfortunately, I’ve come away disappointed. The author mentions perfection a lot but doesn’t really wrestle with it as an idea. That’s disappointing, since she seems particularly positioned to know and explain the illusory nature of “perfection.” If a week of all-nighters doesn’t get you what you want, maybe you should think about whether what you want is even possible.
The author touches on how she was more productive sober than on Adderall, but she never questions the value of productivity.
This book reads like a frenzied first draft—but not frenzied in a way that would imply the breakneck pace of life on Adderall. It’s more like the quickly rising mound of a chain smoker’s ash tray.
It’s all there; now you figure out what to do with it.
And once we have it, she takes it away.
Remember the irredeemable mother? The author thanks her at the end for her constant love and “for giving [her] the courage to follow [her] dreams.”
Was the irredeemable mother an exaggeration? Or does the author interpret her actions as constant love?
Even though her mom is emotionally abusive in every scene and constantly criticizes the author’s weight and life choices, the latter interpretation would be more believable, given what little I know about trauma bonding and codependency.
But that brings us back to the beginning. If she thinks her mom loves her, why does she spend so much time belittling her in the book?
…
The only part of the book that is obviously fictional is the names of the doctors the author uses to get Adderall. I lost count by the end, but each doctor was numbered chronologically. She went to Doctor One before Doctor Two and then Doctor Three, etc.
Everything else…
Now that I think about it, it’s interesting that someone so obsessed with perfection would put out a book with so many imperfections. Maybe she’s learning to let go. I hope so.
But you should let the book go too.
September 2, 2021
Not for me - the book sounds too whiny, self-absorbed, and entitled...
July 26, 2022
If you’re looking for profound insight or any level of understanding of an addict’s experience this is not for you. The only thing I learnt is that if you’re fat, single or unsuccessful you’re not perfect and the best way to deal with your imperfections is to become an addict (either to drugs or disordered eating). The book does not at all analyse the ideas of perfection and the unrealistic expectations on body image, productivity, family and relationships. Instead she seems to imply she is more perfect once she kicked the habit (thinnest ever, more productive at work and cares about someone other than herself).
It reads like it was copied and pasted from her journal from when she was an addict. She is so unlikeable and she learns zero lessons. I still can’t get over the fact that she got caught twice doing illegal activities and suffered no repercussions. Not even the level of self reflection to look back on those two instances to understand the sheer luck she had or how similar she is to her mum and sister. I mean it could have been her with a warrant for her arrest being forced to go sober in a jail cell. but somehow can not begin to show empathy towards her own sister, when she by her own admission was a lot to deal with when she was on aderall
It got two stars because I’m just surprised anyone would write about how horrible they are so openly.
It reads like it was copied and pasted from her journal from when she was an addict. She is so unlikeable and she learns zero lessons. I still can’t get over the fact that she got caught twice doing illegal activities and suffered no repercussions. Not even the level of self reflection to look back on those two instances to understand the sheer luck she had or how similar she is to her mum and sister. I mean it could have been her with a warrant for her arrest being forced to go sober in a jail cell. but somehow can not begin to show empathy towards her own sister, when she by her own admission was a lot to deal with when she was on aderall
It got two stars because I’m just surprised anyone would write about how horrible they are so openly.
January 12, 2021
After receiving a copy of local Lexington author Buford's memoir, I set it aside to read and then fell hard into a reading slump. What I should have done was read this memoir, as I became engrossed in it almost a year later when I finally delved into it. While Buford's writing is a tad chaotic and repetitive, it reflects a chaotic and repetitive period of her life, in which she shares even the most shameful moments of her addiction to Adderall. I didn't know one could become addicted to this drug, but I found her story relatable as to why she clung to the little pills for 10 years. For years, Vitale struggled with perfection, with being successful, high achieving, thin, and feeling wanted- all things many people could relate to. I could see the allure of an easy fix, and was just as transfixed on how Buford maintained her charade for over a decade, and to what lengths she had to go to get such an easy fix. If you're a fan of memoirs and like me, want to support local authors, I would certainly give this memoir a try.
August 2, 2020
Where do I begin? I would like to first point that as someone who struggled with addiction before and has many friends and family members who struggle with addiction, this one hit close to home so I won't be able to as critical as I usually am in this review, do take that into consideration.
Buford bravely tells her story of addiction and abuse of Adderall for over a decade albeit dealing with other issues like an eating disorder. She doesn't withhold criticism from herself at any stage or tries to blame others for her addiction.
This story is hard to hear but is also a wake-up call to everyone, even if we don't see the signs and harms or our addictions doesn't mean that they aren't there.
TW: addiction, alcoholism, sexual assault, drug abuse, domestic abuse, eating disorder.
If you are sure you are in a healthy state to read this book, I would encourage you to do so as addiction isn't something that should be swept under the carpet, ignored, or be ashamed of.
Buford bravely tells her story of addiction and abuse of Adderall for over a decade albeit dealing with other issues like an eating disorder. She doesn't withhold criticism from herself at any stage or tries to blame others for her addiction.
This story is hard to hear but is also a wake-up call to everyone, even if we don't see the signs and harms or our addictions doesn't mean that they aren't there.
TW: addiction, alcoholism, sexual assault, drug abuse, domestic abuse, eating disorder.
If you are sure you are in a healthy state to read this book, I would encourage you to do so as addiction isn't something that should be swept under the carpet, ignored, or be ashamed of.
February 5, 2023
I’m not huge into giving 5 star reviews so this book is legit 👌.
TW: addiction & eating disorder
What a story! You follow the author on her journey through addiction, drug seeking behaviors and recovery all while learning to challenge her idea of perfection both intellectually and emotionally.
TW: addiction & eating disorder
What a story! You follow the author on her journey through addiction, drug seeking behaviors and recovery all while learning to challenge her idea of perfection both intellectually and emotionally.
September 12, 2021
ربنا لك الحمد حمداً كثيراً طيباً مبارك فيه كما تحب وترضى، اللهم انّا نعوذ بك من شر آفة المخدرات ومن شر خلطاء السوء.
لماذا اقرأ سير المتعافين من براثِن المخدرات؟
لأن آفة المخدرات اصبحت واقعاً مريراً ابتلي به الكثير من شبابنا الطيب اصحاب الهمم والقدرات. أقرأ لكي افهم واتعلم اسباب هذه الظاهرة، لكي احصن نفسي منها - مستعيناً بالله - ومن ثم اساعد الناس الطيبة من حولي في التخلص منها، او ان ابصِّرَ المعافى.
جهودي متواضعة وفردية وعلى نطاق ضيق، عسى الله ان ييسر لنا ان نتوسع فيها على نطاق اكبر.
اللهم استخدمنا ولا تستبدلنا وعلى طاعتك أعنا ومن رضاك لا تحرمنا ولغيرك يارب لا تكلنا.
لماذا اقرأ سير المتعافين من براثِن المخدرات؟
لأن آفة المخدرات اصبحت واقعاً مريراً ابتلي به الكثير من شبابنا الطيب اصحاب الهمم والقدرات. أقرأ لكي افهم واتعلم اسباب هذه الظاهرة، لكي احصن نفسي منها - مستعيناً بالله - ومن ثم اساعد الناس الطيبة من حولي في التخلص منها، او ان ابصِّرَ المعافى.
جهودي متواضعة وفردية وعلى نطاق ضيق، عسى الله ان ييسر لنا ان نتوسع فيها على نطاق اكبر.
اللهم استخدمنا ولا تستبدلنا وعلى طاعتك أعنا ومن رضاك لا تحرمنا ولغيرك يارب لا تكلنا.
March 27, 2022
A bit relatable and a lot shocking - specifically shocked that this woman never ended up in the ER because she was taking over 300mgs in a single day, truly incredible.
Worth mentioning she benefits a lot from white privilege in her life experiences, and sometimes comes off a bit self observed demonstrating a lot of protagonist syndrome but.. it is a memoir after all lol she is the protagonist. If you read any of her family members’ memoirs surely they’d come off in the same way.
Worth mentioning she benefits a lot from white privilege in her life experiences, and sometimes comes off a bit self observed demonstrating a lot of protagonist syndrome but.. it is a memoir after all lol she is the protagonist. If you read any of her family members’ memoirs surely they’d come off in the same way.
October 29, 2022
I just finished reading the hardcover memoir ADDICTED TO PERFECTION: A JOURNEY OUT OF THE GRIPS OF ADDERALL by VITALE BUFORD. I read this book while listening to the audible version narrated by ERICA SULLIVAN. Perfection is a mask we use to avoid pain. We think that if we can achieve perfection, we will achieve happiness. We believe that if we can avoid pain, we can also avoid abandonment and loneliness and unworthiness.
Perfection is the thief of joy. It's a lie that keeps us in a stranglehold of chaos and people-pleasing and addiction and lack. Perfection says we are never good enough. It holds us back from being our truest, most authentic selves.
Author Vitale Buford spent nearly three decades of her life in the web of perfection. The roots of her perfection were born in her childhood - she had a dysfunctional home-life fraught with alcoholism, workaholism and shame. This combination created an environment of neglect, where the only way Vitale got attention was to be perfect. She was praised for being an "easy child," "pretty," and "self-motivated," so that's what she tried to be. Her need for perfection and outside success was coupled with her body image obsession. It was also a distraction from the pain of abandonment and loneliness she experienced in her childhood. It was the perfect storm – she tied her self-worth to her external success and her appearance, and hence, her addiction to perfection was born.
The need for perfection followed her to college, and when she started gaining weight, she became obsessed with dieting to make her body smaller and more acceptable. She worked hard in college and got good grades, but her body shame was all consuming. Her junior year of college, she was introduced to Adderall as a "study drug." She used it for a few months – and ended up losing 20 pounds; she also got her best grades ever with her most rigorous course load. She was sure she had discovered the "perfect drug." She was able to obtain her own prescription the following year. It hooked her immediately. She was addicted not only to Adderall but also to the perfection and the weight loss and her newfound ability to accomplish projects and tasks with ease. This was the beginning of a 10-year love affair with Adderall. In Addicted to Perfect, Vitale shares the highs and lows of having been a slave to Adderall, the destructive relationships that ensued, and the way that she finally broke free. She details the many twists and turns involved in the years leading up to her getting sober and the eating disorder that followed her into sobriety. It took parenthood and radical honesty for her to begin the road to true healing.
Perfection is the thief of joy. It's a lie that keeps us in a stranglehold of chaos and people-pleasing and addiction and lack. Perfection says we are never good enough. It holds us back from being our truest, most authentic selves.
Author Vitale Buford spent nearly three decades of her life in the web of perfection. The roots of her perfection were born in her childhood - she had a dysfunctional home-life fraught with alcoholism, workaholism and shame. This combination created an environment of neglect, where the only way Vitale got attention was to be perfect. She was praised for being an "easy child," "pretty," and "self-motivated," so that's what she tried to be. Her need for perfection and outside success was coupled with her body image obsession. It was also a distraction from the pain of abandonment and loneliness she experienced in her childhood. It was the perfect storm – she tied her self-worth to her external success and her appearance, and hence, her addiction to perfection was born.
The need for perfection followed her to college, and when she started gaining weight, she became obsessed with dieting to make her body smaller and more acceptable. She worked hard in college and got good grades, but her body shame was all consuming. Her junior year of college, she was introduced to Adderall as a "study drug." She used it for a few months – and ended up losing 20 pounds; she also got her best grades ever with her most rigorous course load. She was sure she had discovered the "perfect drug." She was able to obtain her own prescription the following year. It hooked her immediately. She was addicted not only to Adderall but also to the perfection and the weight loss and her newfound ability to accomplish projects and tasks with ease. This was the beginning of a 10-year love affair with Adderall. In Addicted to Perfect, Vitale shares the highs and lows of having been a slave to Adderall, the destructive relationships that ensued, and the way that she finally broke free. She details the many twists and turns involved in the years leading up to her getting sober and the eating disorder that followed her into sobriety. It took parenthood and radical honesty for her to begin the road to true healing.
March 11, 2021
Vitale Buford’s dad travels all the time for work, her mother is an alcoholic addicted to Xanax and her younger sister, Frankie, is a drug addict. Vitale is the perfect child. She doesn’t make waves. She doesn’t argue. She likes perfection.
A straight A student, Buford is introduced to Adderall at college. On top of her full course load, she is working two part-time jobs. The stress of maintaining a social life with her boyfriend and sorority doesn’t help and she’s gained ten pounds since the semester began. She is overwhelmed and barely meeting the demands of college.
Recreationally, Adderall is used on campus as a study drug to pull all-nighters and maintain the stamina to party. The best part is that when she takes it Buford is never hungry. After two months she’s lost 20lbs without dieting or exercise. Adderall gives her brain respite from her constant thoughts about her weight, her body and her desire to be invisible.
Battling feelings of shame, loneliness, unworthiness and imperfection, Burford’s dependence on the prescription drug increases. For ten years, she worships Adderall, success, perfection and being thin.
“Addicted to Perfect” takes the reader through the author’s progressively dangerous addiction which involves “doctor shopping”, destructive relationships, promiscuity and reaching an unsafe weight of 103 lbs. Just as you think things can’t get any worse, they do. Much worse.
Vitale “the active addict” is not a likeable character. She’s self-absorbed, reckless, critical and irritable. At the same time she is unsparing in her description of the interiority of addiction and writes with ruthless candour about her own responsibility in creating the mess she finds herself in, and gradually pulling herself out of it.
“Addicted to Perfect” is an insightful memoir of addiction’s hell, hitting rock bottom, and forging a path to a life worth living. This gritty memoir is a testament to Vitale Buford’s spirit and resilience.
A straight A student, Buford is introduced to Adderall at college. On top of her full course load, she is working two part-time jobs. The stress of maintaining a social life with her boyfriend and sorority doesn’t help and she’s gained ten pounds since the semester began. She is overwhelmed and barely meeting the demands of college.
Recreationally, Adderall is used on campus as a study drug to pull all-nighters and maintain the stamina to party. The best part is that when she takes it Buford is never hungry. After two months she’s lost 20lbs without dieting or exercise. Adderall gives her brain respite from her constant thoughts about her weight, her body and her desire to be invisible.
Battling feelings of shame, loneliness, unworthiness and imperfection, Burford’s dependence on the prescription drug increases. For ten years, she worships Adderall, success, perfection and being thin.
“Addicted to Perfect” takes the reader through the author’s progressively dangerous addiction which involves “doctor shopping”, destructive relationships, promiscuity and reaching an unsafe weight of 103 lbs. Just as you think things can’t get any worse, they do. Much worse.
Vitale “the active addict” is not a likeable character. She’s self-absorbed, reckless, critical and irritable. At the same time she is unsparing in her description of the interiority of addiction and writes with ruthless candour about her own responsibility in creating the mess she finds herself in, and gradually pulling herself out of it.
“Addicted to Perfect” is an insightful memoir of addiction’s hell, hitting rock bottom, and forging a path to a life worth living. This gritty memoir is a testament to Vitale Buford’s spirit and resilience.
February 4, 2022
I've read quite a few reviews from readers who found the author Vitale to be quite annoying, self-centered, and "whiny." Regardless of whether you "like" the author and find her sympathetic or judge her journey harshly, this book gives a gripping inside view of the dangers of Adderall abuse. With such a serious topic, this read is neither light nor fun. Thus, the author's tone is pretty matter-of-fact and deeply transparent. She shields no one's reputation in telling her story (including her own), but simply unveils what comes across to me as complete transparency, which in itself took incredible courage. For the courage factor alone, I would add an extra half star to my review rating, bringing the rating to a 3.5.
I would recommend this book to anyone who has an interest in the psychology of drug addiction and the recovery journey.
I would recommend this book to anyone who has an interest in the psychology of drug addiction and the recovery journey.
October 28, 2021
3.5 stars, Moral of the story= DO NOT F*CK with Adderall!
I picked up this book because I heard from my high school-aged kids that there is a black market for Adderall at their high school during finals. I had no idea Adderall was such an addictive and dangerous drug. The author's writing style is very straightforward and at times dry. The first part of the book when she's in active addiction goes on a bit long. But, the way in which she's able to turn her life around is truly impressive so stick with it because the ending is worth reading. I also think she is quite brave to share her story given that it's truly harrowing.
I picked up this book because I heard from my high school-aged kids that there is a black market for Adderall at their high school during finals. I had no idea Adderall was such an addictive and dangerous drug. The author's writing style is very straightforward and at times dry. The first part of the book when she's in active addiction goes on a bit long. But, the way in which she's able to turn her life around is truly impressive so stick with it because the ending is worth reading. I also think she is quite brave to share her story given that it's truly harrowing.
November 26, 2023
Harrowing account of the dark descent towards addiction but the writing style seemed a bit juvenile. Listening to the audiobook felt bit frustrating because a lot of her thought processes were that of a teenager instead of an actual grown woman. Tried my best to empathize with her but, compared to other works that grapple with drug addiction, this was one was too wrapped up in scandal instead of actual insight. I gave it three stars because, truthfully, I was sucked into the story and it did catch my interest throughout. The actual merit deserves a 2.
February 3, 2021
4.5 stars.
The transparency in her writing is astonishing!
This is not only a story about addiction. It involves so much more. Abuse, motherhood, illness, death and both self destruction and healing are major themes in this book.
The transparency in her writing is astonishing!
This is not only a story about addiction. It involves so much more. Abuse, motherhood, illness, death and both self destruction and healing are major themes in this book.
July 16, 2022
A good heart-felt true addiction story of the struggles this girl went through. I love her honesty in each area of the book. I don’t have an addiction but I definitely felt comparisons in various areas of my life. It’s very relatable! I love the end of the story and the message it gives! ♥️
Read
May 26, 2020Thank you for sharing you story! You have courage and vulnerability!
November 7, 2021
Repetitive and annoying.
March 1, 2022
Very good. Shows very well what can happen when a drug that can be so helpful for some people causes chaos for people with certain types of personalities.
March 15, 2022
A narrative of the author’s life with perfectionism and Adderall addiction. There’s so much to learn about ones self through this narrative. Highly recommend to anyone with perfectionism.
October 29, 2022
I just finished reading the hardcover memoir ADDICTED TO PERFECTION: A JOURNEY OUT OF THE GRIPS OF ADDERALL by VITALE BUFORD. I read this book while listening to the audible version narrated by ERICA SULLIVAN. Perfection is a mask we use to avoid pain. We think that if we can achieve perfection, we will achieve happiness. We believe that if we can avoid pain, we can also avoid abandonment and loneliness and unworthiness.
Perfection is the thief of joy. It's a lie that keeps us in a stranglehold of chaos and people-pleasing and addiction and lack. Perfection says we are never good enough. It holds us back from being our truest, most authentic selves.
Author Vitale Buford spent nearly three decades of her life in the web of perfection. The roots of her perfection were born in her childhood - she had a dysfunctional home-life fraught with alcoholism, workaholism and shame. This combination created an environment of neglect, where the only way Vitale got attention was to be perfect. She was praised for being an "easy child," "pretty," and "self-motivated," so that's what she tried to be. Her need for perfection and outside success was coupled with her body image obsession. It was also a distraction from the pain of abandonment and loneliness she experienced in her childhood. It was the perfect storm – she tied her self-worth to her external success and her appearance, and hence, her addiction to perfection was born.
The need for perfection followed her to college, and when she started gaining weight, she became obsessed with dieting to make her body smaller and more acceptable. She worked hard in college and got good grades, but her body shame was all consuming. Her junior year of college, she was introduced to Adderall as a "study drug." She used it for a few months – and ended up losing 20 pounds; she also got her best grades ever with her most rigorous course load. She was sure she had discovered the "perfect drug." She was able to obtain her own prescription the following year. It hooked her immediately. She was addicted not only to Adderall but also to the perfection and the weight loss and her newfound ability to accomplish projects and tasks with ease. This was the beginning of a 10-year love affair with Adderall. In Addicted to Perfect, Vitale shares the highs and lows of having been a slave to Adderall, the destructive relationships that ensued, and the way that she finally broke free. She details the many twists and turns involved in the years leading up to her getting sober and the eating disorder that followed her into sobriety. It took parenthood and radical honesty for her to begin the road to true healing.
Perfection is the thief of joy. It's a lie that keeps us in a stranglehold of chaos and people-pleasing and addiction and lack. Perfection says we are never good enough. It holds us back from being our truest, most authentic selves.
Author Vitale Buford spent nearly three decades of her life in the web of perfection. The roots of her perfection were born in her childhood - she had a dysfunctional home-life fraught with alcoholism, workaholism and shame. This combination created an environment of neglect, where the only way Vitale got attention was to be perfect. She was praised for being an "easy child," "pretty," and "self-motivated," so that's what she tried to be. Her need for perfection and outside success was coupled with her body image obsession. It was also a distraction from the pain of abandonment and loneliness she experienced in her childhood. It was the perfect storm – she tied her self-worth to her external success and her appearance, and hence, her addiction to perfection was born.
The need for perfection followed her to college, and when she started gaining weight, she became obsessed with dieting to make her body smaller and more acceptable. She worked hard in college and got good grades, but her body shame was all consuming. Her junior year of college, she was introduced to Adderall as a "study drug." She used it for a few months – and ended up losing 20 pounds; she also got her best grades ever with her most rigorous course load. She was sure she had discovered the "perfect drug." She was able to obtain her own prescription the following year. It hooked her immediately. She was addicted not only to Adderall but also to the perfection and the weight loss and her newfound ability to accomplish projects and tasks with ease. This was the beginning of a 10-year love affair with Adderall. In Addicted to Perfect, Vitale shares the highs and lows of having been a slave to Adderall, the destructive relationships that ensued, and the way that she finally broke free. She details the many twists and turns involved in the years leading up to her getting sober and the eating disorder that followed her into sobriety. It took parenthood and radical honesty for her to begin the road to true healing.
February 1, 2023
Summary
A story of addiction, what it means, how someone affected can act and feel, regardless of his own “true” self. The author is able to explain the emotion, feeling and thoughts that can felt by someone who’s addicted to a substance and doesn’t recognise himself while under the effects of the drug - or while chasing it as well. The story unfolds by revealing a slow but steady worsening of the addiction of the protagonist, starting from minor cheats to obtain the drugs, to breaking the law, to acting against her own principles (talking to her sister only to obtain drugs, travelling 8 hours, lying about the purpose, for the same reason, etc…).
My evaluation
What did I like the most?
The thing I loved about this book was how the author was able to transmit the emotions, thoughts and experiences the protagonist goes through in her journey into addiction and recovery; some of the concept explained, some of the experiences illustrated are so profound - sometime scaring as well - and I loved how they were narrated.
What didn’t I like?
Not much, the book itself was pleasurable to listen to and the story was a cool one, a first for me since I never read/listened to any book about addiction on drugs before.
What would I have done differently?
Quotes
A story of addiction, what it means, how someone affected can act and feel, regardless of his own “true” self. The author is able to explain the emotion, feeling and thoughts that can felt by someone who’s addicted to a substance and doesn’t recognise himself while under the effects of the drug - or while chasing it as well. The story unfolds by revealing a slow but steady worsening of the addiction of the protagonist, starting from minor cheats to obtain the drugs, to breaking the law, to acting against her own principles (talking to her sister only to obtain drugs, travelling 8 hours, lying about the purpose, for the same reason, etc…).
My evaluation
What did I like the most?
The thing I loved about this book was how the author was able to transmit the emotions, thoughts and experiences the protagonist goes through in her journey into addiction and recovery; some of the concept explained, some of the experiences illustrated are so profound - sometime scaring as well - and I loved how they were narrated.
What didn’t I like?
Not much, the book itself was pleasurable to listen to and the story was a cool one, a first for me since I never read/listened to any book about addiction on drugs before.
What would I have done differently?
Quotes
Pleasure is a momentary feeling that comes from an external source (eating something)
Happiness is internal and long-lasting.
April 27, 2022
So addiction in the DNA but she wants to blame sexual assault as a child because maybe she was abused?
So she manipulates all the doctors in her family of addicted people and now we have a “War on Drugs” “War on Opiates” mandated inventory in police cars, ambulance, schools, Govt buildings of very expensive Narcan and people, Veterans who have medical pain cannot get care and now we have country & state wide name lists because of people just like this and now it’s supposed to be okay because she is sober.
Okay she’s was abused and knew it and made excuse after excuse for her bad behavior, now writes books admitting all the illegal behavior and now?
Now you have a friend who is suffering because they cannot get care, a family veterans who is considering suicide because of physical pain, people putting their life in danger because of the war in a DEMAND DRIVEN INDUSTRY DEMAND DRIVEN Products DEMAND Drugs. If you cannot stop the demand why try? Why attempt to control anyone else when they will do whatever they want anyway do whatever illegal activities making it harder for those who obey the laws.
Stop all Wars on EVERYTHING and just let people do as they choose and put whatever they choose to put into their own bodies as long as it doesn’t affect anyone else. The circle game is old and only costing life, outrageous sums of money and trauma filling courts, prisons, jails and cemeteries.
Does anyone remember Prohibition? Geech how juvenile people are, absolute ignorance is just so old.
What about MADD, science
So she manipulates all the doctors in her family of addicted people and now we have a “War on Drugs” “War on Opiates” mandated inventory in police cars, ambulance, schools, Govt buildings of very expensive Narcan and people, Veterans who have medical pain cannot get care and now we have country & state wide name lists because of people just like this and now it’s supposed to be okay because she is sober.
Okay she’s was abused and knew it and made excuse after excuse for her bad behavior, now writes books admitting all the illegal behavior and now?
Now you have a friend who is suffering because they cannot get care, a family veterans who is considering suicide because of physical pain, people putting their life in danger because of the war in a DEMAND DRIVEN INDUSTRY DEMAND DRIVEN Products DEMAND Drugs. If you cannot stop the demand why try? Why attempt to control anyone else when they will do whatever they want anyway do whatever illegal activities making it harder for those who obey the laws.
Stop all Wars on EVERYTHING and just let people do as they choose and put whatever they choose to put into their own bodies as long as it doesn’t affect anyone else. The circle game is old and only costing life, outrageous sums of money and trauma filling courts, prisons, jails and cemeteries.
Does anyone remember Prohibition? Geech how juvenile people are, absolute ignorance is just so old.
What about MADD, science
March 24, 2022
Let me clarify this is a review of the audible version.
The most crucial sentence spoken/written in this book is I’m going to paraphrase because my mind just went blank, "when people have this, it doesn't affect them this way" I feel so often attacked when people speak on addiction because of my issues however very early on the author lets the reader know this was her journey and not everyone who takes or uses medication is or will be an addict. Anyone who has friends or families who deal with alcohol or addiction or even co-dependence, or more importantly, a person looking for a way out of their struggles with addiction, can only benefit from this book. Memoirs are a favourite of mine; this one was no different. Two issues arose from me during this book; 1. writer never seems to acknowledge the blessing she has with stable employment. 2. A few people that overheard parts while I was playing this aloud, not on iPods, mentioned the tone of the speaker and words spoken sounded to them annoying or whining; I did not feel that and felt even in the lows of the book the speaker sounded upbeat.
The most crucial sentence spoken/written in this book is I’m going to paraphrase because my mind just went blank, "when people have this, it doesn't affect them this way" I feel so often attacked when people speak on addiction because of my issues however very early on the author lets the reader know this was her journey and not everyone who takes or uses medication is or will be an addict. Anyone who has friends or families who deal with alcohol or addiction or even co-dependence, or more importantly, a person looking for a way out of their struggles with addiction, can only benefit from this book. Memoirs are a favourite of mine; this one was no different. Two issues arose from me during this book; 1. writer never seems to acknowledge the blessing she has with stable employment. 2. A few people that overheard parts while I was playing this aloud, not on iPods, mentioned the tone of the speaker and words spoken sounded to them annoying or whining; I did not feel that and felt even in the lows of the book the speaker sounded upbeat.
April 5, 2020
Addicted to Perfect is important in today's world. When I started reading this I began to wonder if maybe I was a little too close to the subject to write an objective review - and then I realized I was the kind of person who was meant to read this book. Even now I struggle with the ideal of perfect. It's so easy to get caught up in appearances and doing anything and everything to keep up with them while letting your inner life fall to ruin. Raw, emotional, and powerful, this book is for anyone who has struggled to be perfect at any cost.
October 17, 2022
“Addicted to perfect” is the first book in recent memory I gave up on. I got to chapter 2 or 3 & after about 50 (genuine guess, not intentionally exaggerating) references to her weight and being “fat” when she’s the equivalent to a UK size 12 I had to throw in the towel. Self indulgent, repetitive & utterly tedious.
May 16, 2022
Loving the memoirs in audible unlimited. Found this interesting and thought provoking, but there came across a lack of compassion for others in places, particularly family members also dealing with addiction. Would recommend Bryony Gordon’s writing on the subject of addiction to anyone interested.
November 3, 2022
Started ok however the writer is so entitled, blames everyone else but herself and doesn't seem to notice the contradiction on her own narrative.
Her lack of self awareness was too much for me. She needs a reality check.
Her lack of self awareness was too much for me. She needs a reality check.
January 6, 2023
Simply written, fits the voice of a troubled young woman dealing with past trauma. Vividly describes the anxiety, depression, and emotional angst from how she viewed and interprets her world. Hopeful she finds peace instead of chasing perfection.
June 2, 2023
She never went into enough depth about her relationships and her "trauma" to provide any empathy. Maybe it all was true, but she came off as a bratty girl with a superiority complex. All in all, it was a very shallow read.
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