Truth Has a Different Shape

by Kari L. O'Driscoll

A family built, a family lost. Truth Has a Different Shape is a story of the power of compassion, of love and loss, revelations and relationship, and the evolution of self.



Growing up in the 1970s and 1980s, Kari O’Driscoll was taught that strength and stoicism were one and the same. She was also taught that a girl’s job was to take care of everyone else. For decades, she believed these ideas, doing everything she could to try and keep the remaining parts of her family together, systematically anticipating disaster and fixing catastrophes one by one.



Truth Has a Different Shape is one woman’s meditation on how societal and familial expectations of mothering influenced her sense of self and purpose, as well as her ideas about caretaking. As an adult, finding herself a caretaker both to her own children and to her aging parents, O’Driscoll finally reckons with the childhood trauma that shaped her world. Adoption, loss, and divorce defined her approach to motherhood, but in Truth Has a Different Shape, O’Driscoll finally pushes back. This memoir tracks her progress as she discovers how to truly care for those she loves without putting herself at risk, using mindfulness and compassion as tools for healing both herself and her difficult relationships.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction

232 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2020

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got this book. By that, I mean, I understood the author and her experience. She lived in a home that was nice from the outside, but so confusing and conflict-filled from within. Her parents didn't want to discuss the things that impacted the family -- divorce, adoption, moving around -- and she often felt like she couldn't trust her own feelings and beliefs. It's something I totally related to: when, as a child, your feelings aren't validated, you grow up to struggle with identity. You do what you need to do to have people like/love you, to earn their approval, because you didn't get the chance to develop your own sense of self. O'Driscoll captures this eloquently, identifying and naming the feelings that are often hard to pinpoint. Her growth and change is a joy to read -- to witness -- and it all comes together in a story that I think many could relate to and most would enjoy.

[Wendy Fontaine · Rating 4 out of 5]

What I loved most about this book was the strong voice of the child narrator at the beginning. My heart broke over and over as I read about Kari's disappointment of losing her family without understanding the reasons for everyone's departure. I felt her abandonment and her fear. I also appreciated the present tense narration. It added to the intensity.
I'll admit that I got a little bored near the end of the book, but the author's reflection is solid right to the end.

[Michelle O’Neil · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truth Has a Different Shape is a gorgeous book. Kari O’Driscoll takes the reader through a confusing and sometimes impossible childhood, into the adult role of caregiver to her parents. She explores looking back honestly, and moves forward with grace. The book weaves seamlessly through time, the writing is exquisite. It is a very moving story of love, and pain, and loss, and forgiveness, and caregiving, and all the reasons we do it. I loved this book.